The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty - Memory Lane

Episode Date: January 25, 2017

SPONSORED BY AUDIBLE.COMTimbley and Flashman have decided to take a breif detour from the streets of WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS and stroll down Memory Lane to visit Carrie and the girls. The boyz are having trouble listening to each other and Dickbot's bot dick gets a lot of chatter. Plus some armchair psychology on Adam Sandler!Trailer: Boners of The Heart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today, the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here. Borderlands, now playing. This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow!

This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them

looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time season 3 episode... 30 Why did I tell you about those speakers? I said turn them off

Yeah and what did I say? I don't know, I didn't hear you I didn't say As soon as I stopped talking I stopped listening There is a fundamental problem in our relationship. God damn it, guy. Friendships are about talking, yes. Listening, also yes.

It's a two-way street. What did you say? I said absolutely not, under no circumstance. If you have a problem, speak now. What did you say? I don't know. I didn't hear that. So, guys, we took a little initiative this week and decided to diverge off the usual track,

which is us watching We Are Your Friends, and instead decided to take a stroll down memory lane. And I am delighted to tell you, delighted to make you informed, that we have just watched Sex and the City 2 for the 53rd time. We just want to put our world record a little further out of reach. We're getting a little antsy in our pantsy. And here we are. And, may I say, while the movie, unmistakably itself, very long,

I'm feeling remarkably fresh. Yeah, I'm feeling fresher too. In a lot of ways, it's like seeing it for the very first time again. It feels like the first time. Feels like the very first time. There's a reference to a song that's in the movie Sex and the City 2, thus further compounding

the evidence that we have, in fact, just watched it. It's crazy, man. It's crazy. It's crazy to be back. How did this movie make you feel, Guy, having watched it with now about six months since the last time? I still... It'll be longer. It'll be eight months.

Yeah, it will be longer, won't it? Real vacation. Certainly a pleasant change. I still take, maybe more so now, Carrie Bradshaw. Just an absolutely uncompromising, unforgivable piece of work really really narcissistic just an absolute fit to hysteria throughout the whole film

negligent towards her friends, her husband she's just got blinkers on yeah it's all about her I mean that being said we did invent a storyline midway through this week where Mr Big again

was revisiting his trouble with the Securities and Exchange Commission and was instructing Carrie that if ever she got a call from the authorities to recite a story he'd made up so that they couldn't be implicated so we kind of you know there was some added meaning to what was in the actual phone and a very unfortunate coincidence

that phone call happened at exactly the same time at which Carrie was going to confess to Mr. Big that she had accidentally, as she puts it, kissed Aiden, even though she totally did it on purpose. Did she say accidentally? I don't know. Her words or your words, Guy? My words, but certainly from an accurate reading

of a speech I've now seen 53 times. So as Big has explained to her in quite explicit and clear detail the gravity of the situation and exactly uh what she needs to do to ensure both of their safety and a life on the outside as opposed to you know inside of a state penitentiary she is preparing to tell him she's kissed aiden they they miss each other yeah and that's what i'm saying about our friendship term until we listen to each other we're going to miss each other. Yeah. And that's what I'm saying about our friendship, Tim. Until we listen to each other, we're going to miss each other. I know, but at least we're dealing with problems that are at the same scale. Yeah.

Whereas with Carrie and Mr. Big, it's like Mr. Big's looking at some pretty serious jail time. Well, I mean, Carrie's implicated too. She doesn't look at the books. She doesn't pay any attention to that tax stuff, as she calls it. If she doesn't follow instructions here, they're both in hot water. And that's where they are. That's where they find themselves. But Carrie is so wrapped up in her personal dilemma

of having kissed an ex-boyfriend because she didn't listen to her friends that warned her not to go out to dinner with him that she thinks that's a big deal. I mean, look, if you're married, don't go kissing other people. It's a good rule. It's a simple rule.

Unless in your marriage it stipulates that you may. Oh, that's a it's a good rule it's a simple rule unless uh in your marriage it stipulates that you may oh that's true as a general rule just follow the guidelines you laid out at your wedding yeah where you whatever you said at the wedding just yeah keep that in mind and then you also need to appreciate that sometimes there are problems that are bigger yeah than kissing boys like for example the securities and extra and i hate to just harp on about this but mr big you're right and mrs big right too are looking at some serious time that's right there are laws bigger than the laws that you set with your partner in matrimony that apply to only you, those laws are actual laws. Yeah. Legal laws. With actual consequences.

Like insider trading. Part of hemp play. Just, you know, off the top of your head. Yeah, exactly. So look, it's weird to be back with the gals and with Brady. And I'll tell you who was a real delight to see on screen. And in some ways, it was almost like we forgot he was just about to arrive until he got there. It was Dick Bot. Oh, man. And like we were like yes please he was that was like

walking into a room and seeing one of your oldest and dearest friends and in spite of the fact i know he wants total global domination and to destroy humankind yeah i kind of like the guy i know right you're like this piece of shit how fucking long has it been my friend it's been way too long and it doesn't matter how bad a person is if you haven't seen them for long enough you're gonna love seeing them again there's an excitement there you can't i mean you can't quell it it's like some people are good at holding grudges not me what's that you say you want to destroy you you know, all of us? Eight months?

I can forget about that and just be excited that we had a laugh together once or twice. Yeah. And to see your erect robotic penis on screen once again. That's right. We found some more fuel to the Digbot fire this week, didn't we, Tim? Sure did. To the tune of... So, what do we know about Digbot?

He is a robot. He's an artificial intelligence. Designed by the Japanese. Yes. In response to Pearl Harbor. To seek vengeance. Yes. So, he is...

No, wait. This doesn't make any sense because the Japanese incited the attack on Pearl Harbor against the Americans. I think maybe... Hiroshima. Yeah, I guess it was... Did you not say Hiroshima?

No. Don't just hear that. I guess it was in response to the thing that was in response... Hiroshima. Yeah, I guess it was... Did you not say Hiroshima? No. Don't just hear that. I guess it was in response to the thing that was in response to Pearl Harbor. That's right. And worse. And then some. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm not saying that, like, you know... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying the atomic bombs being dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima were, like, equal weighting to taking out some planes and stuff and some servicemen we don't need to re-litigate semi-recent geopolitical we're just trying to organize

the chronology for your oral pleasure yeah yeah so anyway so here we are two boys trying to figure out what this ai is up to and meanwhile samantha is just getting them all butted up. Oh my God. And the same way that Carrie's really missing the point with Big's problems, I gotta say, Samantha is missing the scale of the stick of dynamite that she's playing with at the moment. Absolutely. You cannot get an artificial intelligence

hellbent on the destruction of America all jacked up with a chub, a stiffy. Hot under the collar. That's right. Hot and bothered, a stiffy. Hot under the collar. That's right. Hot and bothered. A stiffy that I would suggest probably extends beyond his robot belly button.

It'll be telescopic. It'll be like, you know when you might have seen, you might have one, or when you're traveling, tourists have those cameras, they're little pocket cameras, and then you turn them on and the lens comes out, and it's like, how does all that fit in that little cube but it does and that's dick bot's dick it's like jesus christ how how is this thing this big how tiny was the the penis of the engineer who

designed this yeah to make it this comically oversized and so there there they are and she she can't finish it well obviously they get stopped because a fellow a co-diner says excuse me waiter that robot has an erection and accordingly security is called and they prevent um either of them as i understand it from achieving orgasm which means you've got an artificial intelligence with severe robot blue balls. Yeah. They've cock-blocked a machine hell-bent on destroying all of us. It's not a smart thing to do.

And as with Carrie, Samantha's reaction is, how does this affect me? What's this going to do for my trip back to America? When the actual reaction should be, I am afraid that I might have incensed that Japanese artificial intelligence a little more we were already not in a great boat and now the boat has more holes in it that's right that i feel like there's a better analogy but that's i'm gonna stick with that we're in choppy

waters we're in a small boat the small boat was a dangerous boat yeah it had some holes in it had some holes and now what's happened tim now the holes have gotten even bigger because you refuse to fuck the boat not more holes bigger the same holes bigger holes but bigger bigger holes more water coming through we could bail it out before if we all stuck together and really tried hard took turns we were strategic about this but not not anymore because now the holes are too big and we're sinking we're sinking in the boat that is not having sex with the boat to put this into uh you know terms that some of you physicians or physics will understand yeah two different things taking on more water than can be bailed out of it do you understand what i mean so the boat the amount of

water coming onto the boat yeah volume gained is greater than volume bailed yeah that we're talking in very technical terms let me try and break this down a little bit so you could it's like uh if you okay here's an analogy it's like if you were in something that floats in the ocean right yeah and it had a small hole in it that was letting in. It's like if you were in something that floats in the ocean, right? Yeah. And it had a small hole in it that was letting in just enough water so that you were still buoyant because you could flick the water out. Could be a bag you're floating in.

Yep. Half of a coconut. A barge, whatever, whatever you're on. But then what happens in this analogy, just to explain for those of you who aren't familiar with the boat, there are holes in the small thing, but then the holes get bigger on the thing that you're on the water with.

Not more holes. Bigger holes. Just bigger, the same holes, but bigger. I don't know. Do you want to have a crack at this? I feel like I'm not explaining it right. No, you got it. But I think just to really clarify,

and the issue is that the amount of water that is being taken on by this floating thing, as you so accurately put it, is greater and happening faster than the ability of those on the floating thing to remove water. Okay, let me try it this way. If we've got any mathematicians listening at the moment, so why is the value of the amount of water that we have an ability to bail out of the floating vehicle we're on. The holes are X. The amount of water is Z.

No, we've already got Y. Solve for Z. That's right, I think. So X and Z have a correlation. Wrap your head around that. Y is the constant. We're in trouble. Solve. Solve. Wrap your head around that. Why is the constant, we're in trouble? Solve.

Solve. Solve as you will. And solve quickly because we are sinking at a rate of knots. And I'd appreciate it if you'd actually get your head in the game and bail some more water out

rather than scratching away on that notebook of yours. Not Dylan. By the way, is a nautical term. It's nautical miles. Yeah, Dylan. Dylan. Whoever Dylan is. fucking dylan the guy who

created this problem um so yeah it's incredible for the scale of problems happening all around these uh lead characters their obliviousness to the trail of destruction that they leave yeah is staggering do you feel like that's how they've lived their lives, though? They're a pretty privileged woman. You get the impression. Very insulated. It was, yeah, there are a few scenes which really jumped out in terms of just,

I'm sure we've said it before, but just how garish and how out of touch, you know, when Charlotte Miranda toasts to the woman without help. Yeah. Before climbing through the camera lens and into the cinema and individually pouring their cocktail on top of everyone who actually paid for a ticket to see the movie in the cinema. So they actually, that was an effect that Michael and Patrick King used where they got the actors for the first 100 screenings to climb out of the script from behind the screen in the cinema

crazy and really emphasise the point and pour water it must have been like that train thing yeah when they first started doing movies

and they made all the even though the movie's not in 3D all of the people who went to those first 100 screenings had to wear 3D glasses and so

not only are they getting their clothes stained by well yeah for their drinks. But also it did ruin, you know, the first two hours of the movie for them. Oh, absolutely.

No question. But safety first, as always. You know what it's like? It's like being in a boat when the holes get bigger and you've got to find a way to get that water out of there, is what it's like.

But the goggles don't do nothing. They do something. I'm going to tell you what my shining light was for this watch of sex in the city 2 and that was and it's it's amazing how things change when you take a little break from it penelope cruz yeah as the head of a bank miss carry herself, thank you I will, stunning. Best performance in the movie, greatest actor in this film, and I can't believe that I didn't pay her more attention previously. It makes sense. I think you look at the amount of screen time and the amount of actual days on set that Penelope would have had to give,

I think that she did not quite understand the tone of the movie and the sort of general effort i'm pretty sure that there would have been some pretty furious lead actors watching her performance at the premiere being like well we're all doing 50 and if we knew penelope was going to come in at 85 we probably would have done something at least in the 10 minutes of scenes around that what do you think adam sandler was pulling on grown-ups too 10 minutes of scenes around that. What do you think Adam Sandler was pulling on grown-ups too? I don't think Adam Sandler knew he was working.

I think he was just told it was a walkthrough. But they filmed it. No, you're not wrong. Do you think that's how Adam Sandler makes his movies? Because everyone, ourselves included, I'm not excluding us from this, judge him very harshly on his cavalier seeming attitude, but maybe he's got such intensely high standards for himself and such, um,

like crippling perfectionism that they need. They know this, the filmmakers know this and they have to convince them that they're just blocking scenes. They're just doing walkthroughs and just reading the lines aloud. Cause as soon as they say action for real, he'll freeze up. He can't,

he's just paralyzed. Oh really? as soon as they say action for real he'll freeze up he can't he's just paralyzed oh really so what we see in every adam sandler performance is effectively a very loose rehearsal yeah adam sandler is rehearsing everyone else is acting yeah but because they are also on eggshells because they can't reveal to adam that they're performing for the cameras yeah uh yeah delicate operation because normally when you're blocking makes a lot of sense you can goof off a bit you can fluff a line here and there it's not a big deal you can do a gag to make try and make your colleague corpse yeah but obviously you can't do that when

you're making the film for real so there's there's quite a balance to strike there undoubtedly with old as it's uh yeah it, it's an interesting idea, the amount of intensity that different actors bring to the set at different times. But I do think, yeah, you're right that Penelope popped off the page. She was great. May I share with you my shining eye? I would love it if you would.

And this was one of many options, I thought, in a frankly eye-popping performance from Cynthia Nixon this week, playing the role of Miranda, sort of the bookish friend, I think it would be fair to say, is the casting that they gave her in this film. Professor Oak, as we once deemed her. I cannot speak to the TV character,

but certainly playing the role of professor uh professor oak pathetic oak yeah so generally everything was very well done also i'd like to say in spite of her good performance and her performance allowing for the fact that miranda's probably the best of all the friends she's the most empathetic and sort of can you know at least keep tabs on other people's lives better than the the three people she hangs out with. In spite of that trait coming through, I still really didn't like her, didn't care for her. No, that was apparent. But the best piece of performance from Cynthia Nixon in the role of Miranda was

when her and Charlotte, just before they had to climb out of the, you know, screen and pour cocktails on all the... Plebs. Paying plebs. Charlotte says... I've written it down, actually, because I didn't want to forget it. You've written it? Look at this.

Get a load of this guy, everyone. Good research. Get a load of this guy. Write him down as Shining Light. It's just after that scene in the bar when Carrie comes back and confesses to everyone that she's kissed Aiden. And Charlotte and Miranda have to play drunk because they've been mime sipping cosmopolitans for all of 15 seconds while they piss on the audience and she uh they say they both don't

know how to how to react and whether or not to tell um big or just leave it as a secret and miranda brings up the fact that steve once cheated on her and Samantha says, Steve had sex, you know, as a point of difference. Steve had sex. Sorry, but he did. And Miranda's drunk acting, sorry, Cynthia Nixon's drunk acting is amazing. Half a head turn, she looks at Samantha,

she lets what has been said sink in, she considers it, and then she gives sort of a knowing, half-glazed-over, drunken nod as if to say, that's right, in the interest of this conversation moving forward and us best helping our friend Carrie, I will let that slide. That services the conversation. And I just thought to communicate all of that and the amount of time that she did, truly a shining light.

Good stuff, Guy. That's beautiful. Hey hey don't thank me thanks cynthia nixon send her a letter a letter what i would love to do is climb up on that big dusty ladder that is in that big dusty library and pull out that top shelf leather bound book dust it off bring Bring it down. Have a look at it. Pop it on the table. Oh, she's heavy.

Oh, she's dusty. It's time to have a look at Mr. Big's Big Book of Ideas. That's right. And we're thumbing through. Deep inside this leather-bound tome. God damn. You know what's happening to these pages? All the moisture's gone out of them and it's like

Turning over, it's just dried Parchment. I feel like it's going to break off Yeah, you've got to be very careful Very delicate. I am being as gentle as humanly Possible. On this page there's just A lot of diagrams of dog skeletons I'm not sure what that's about Just something that's interesting to Mr. Big

Perhaps at the time. It's pretty crazy. There seems to be Over here on this page, two further along, there's just some grass clippings sellotaped to the actual page. Can you feel that? That's weird. That's real grass. Wow, that's so odd. And then there's a picture of David Bowie that is drawn next to the grass.

I'm not sure what he's trying to communicate there. And if you go back one page, you'll see between the dog and the grass clippings, there's just an arrow drawn on each page. It's so strange, like they're connected somehow. We'll just skip ahead a couple chapters. There's one here, it says the word cobblestones, and then it's got that word, a lot of circles around it, and he's underlined it as if that's really important.

There's a lot of arrows pointing downwards. There's a lot of different letters. There's singular, or there's doubles, triples, quads. Yeah, and then it's just the words Zodiaciac killer underneath it so i don't know what that is or means or is about but it's it's all there certainly curious and a few pages further along here i see what looks like a blueprint trying to design something. Let's get into this. Let's have a read of what he's scrolled down.

Chicken Scratch. His handwriting is barely legible. This dude. You can make it if you squint up your eye, like a magic eye. If you go real close and you squint up your eyes, you can see. He's just written in his very very unique and distinct handwriting place for the number four food okay spelled f e e d but then he's corrected the e's to have you know lines so they look like o's but they actually look like

eights right oh okay so on the so if you can you see down there that like paragraph That just looks like hieroglyphics Yeah Hold on, I've got a magnifying glass I'm going to try and read this It's a journal entry He's writing down About an evening

Where he came home with takeout From Sobu Noodles Yeah That's in the movie He comes home in the movie with Sobu Noodles I guessbu That's in the movie You can't say I'm in the movie With Sobu Noodles I guess this is about that night And he's

Okay There's a lot of like Words I can't quite make out But I think Do your best So Carrie is saying Something to him Which is

Confirming Today You ready? Okay let's go The hunt for the wildest Movie of the summer Everybody run Ends here This is your super friendly And not aggressive Reminder to buy Tickets immediately Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run!

Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing. Fused him in that she said, is that you? He said, who else is it going to be and she said the crust crusty chris chris edie's delivery guy and then and then there seems to be a reference here to the fact that that delivery man had a key to the apartment which big rightly brought up with this i mean this is an expensive apartment why would you give a key to just anyone? Well, he asked her that. And she said, I guess that's the price you pay for eating at home.

And so this has triggered off some thinking from Mr. Big about what if they created a location that people could go to where instead of sitting down and dining there where someone's cooked the food for them, which is what you do to eat. sitting down and dining there where someone's cooked the food for them which is what you do to eat but also it's not when they bring a really cooked meal to your house either what if there was something else where you could get the raw parts of the ingredients the ingredients the food stuffs themselves in a central location and buy the ones that you want and then bring them home and prepare them as you want. A supermarket. As he's written here, a big market. A big market.

It's as if the man hasn't heard of a supermarket. Well, it can't just be him. I mean, if Carrie's saying that's how you get food in the house, that would suggest that these are two people who somehow are living in the middle of New York City. Yeah. They've never encountered a supermarket before. And Big is included with his other multi-billion dollar ideas and business schemes.

Not even like a detailed blueprint, but simply the concept he's describing of a supermarket. That's insane. If you can look past the sheer ignorance and sort of just outright idiocy that is on display it is quite something that mr big entirely of his own accord and intelligence and creativity has in essence invented the supermarket well i guess can we give him i guess we should give him credit for that because despite the fact that it already exists, it's a pretty ingenious thing to think of if you didn't know it exists. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, it's incredible. It's pretty impressive. I can't imagine thinking of anything so efficient and user-friendly. So we're applauding this idea? Is this one for the books, for the good books? I can't imagine him making much money off it. I mean, you know, as soon as he shows this book

to anyone else, they'll say, oh, yeah, we've got those already. They're called supermarkets. Yeah, but credit where it's due, he thought he came up with it independently, and in some ways he did. So congrats to you, Mr. B. I'm not in the nature of grading these ideas. Tip of the hat.

Yeah. At this point, I would just like for us to stop down briefly and hear a word from our sponsors. Ow! And our sponsors this week on the worst idea of all time, special edition, just in the mix. In the mix. It's still audible.com.

Those guys are still with us and we can't thank them enough. But more important than gratitude is an explanation of the service itself. What is audible.com? That's the question we've been wrestling with since the start of the sponsorship every week we look it up we look it up you know in our downtime also when we're on the clock we look it up don't we tim oh yeah you got it in front of you right now if i'm not much mistaken well look the the main thing that you need to understand about audible.com is that it is on demand audio entertainment so we're talking look a lot of people talk about the uh the red books the audio books that's true it's like books on tape but without the tape you know what i'm saying yeah

you don't have to read the book to absorb how they get in your ears don't think about it it's too confusing you know what people might not think about though all the different genres and types of materials that you can get i'm talking business classics erotica slash sexuality now that could be some fun right i it never occurred to me to listen to book porn well imagine that there's probably mills and boone style novels on there if not actual mills and boone books read by 50 shades i'll bet you i'll bet let's find out who's reading 50 shades actually that is a great idea if you're interested in audible you can head along to their website audible.com forward slash try now that That's Audible, spelt in the traditional fashion, A-U-D-I-B-L-E.

And if you sign up, do you have to use the code word worse, Tim? No, we don't have a code word. You don't even have to use the code word worse. If you sign up, you'll get a free 30-day trial, including a download of a book, which could potentially be Fifty Shades of Grey, read by Tim. It's hard to say. You know, what is a book which could potentially be 50 shades of gray read by tim um it's hard to say you know what is a book well a book is generally considered to be a collection of pages written down by one or more people pertaining to a certain topic or narrative uh we've got non-fiction books or fiction books confusingly non-fiction actually means true and fiction means that they're made up

that is confusing um look Fifty Shades is on here but I could just I'm having a little trouble pulling up who's who's reading it to us at this present moment just rest assured they've got a fantastic voice and they certainly know where to put the emphasis in sentences and

words maybe that's a fun little thing for you to find out go to audible.com and figure out for yourself who's reading Fifty Shades. And then sign up at audible.com slash try now. That's A-U-D-I-B-L-E dot com slash try now. Thanks, Audible. This movie's still fine. I do do. Squeeby-dee-bee-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Wa-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. A-dee-ba. A-da-da.

A-da-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Ha-ha-hee. Ba-da-ba-ba. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Squeeby-da-ba. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- Skibidibobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobobob What's he going Where is he going with that hat

That is the question We ask it every week Once in a blue moon Yeah we used to ask it every week And then we stopped asking Did we lose interest I think not A question that remains unanswered

In spite of us getting to the bottom Of what the actor who played coffee guy Telling us Which was I can't even remember I think he had an important meeting Oh man Wouldn't it be good to remember that

She was mum eating a blueberry No it's okay How is it Some of those blueberries Tim They're trying to kill themselves They are They are They're going soft on the edges Well in this room I'm not surprised Blueberries, Tim, yeah, they're trying to kill themselves. They are. They are.

They're going soft on the edges. Well, in this room, I'm not surprised. Which is a telltale sign that a blueberry is about to off itself. Warm and moist. Listen, guys, we're not here to talk to you about moist blueberries. We're here to talk to you about where coffee guy is off to. What? What's coffee? What on God's green earth could necessitate a person, any person,

green earth could you know necessitate a person any person drinking that much caffeine that quickly yeah and striding out of uh said cafe with that much purpose uh two words for you bro hot air balloon contest oh that makes some sense yeah is that i mean how does he know about it is that what he was reading about in the classifieds? Absolutely. So you'll notice in the film that he's picked up a newspaper, which I assume he's just grabbed on his way into the cafe, one of the periodicals they've got lying out. But in there is a big old advertisement

for the annual New York City hot air balloon contest. Now, Tim, I know what a hot air balloon is i don't understand the science behind them exactly but i'm pretty sure it's something to do with oxygen what exactly goes into a hot air balloon contest i understand the idea of flying for pleasure how does one fly competitively there's three kinds of ways that you can compete in a hot air balloon contest uh the first there is a segment of the day that is dedicated to best looking balloon. So normally this is focused on

the colours that you've used. Some people go all out and have an interesting design. So it might not be your classical teardrop shape of balloon, but we've got flying saucer ones that I've seen, which are pretty cool. So it's not painted like a saucer, the balloon is shaped like a saucer. Shaped like a saucer. Wow. Yeah, yeah. There's asymmetrical ones that could be in the shape of a bird

An eagle Sounds dangerous Incredibly dangerous It's one of those examples of the aesthetics Of something really impeding On the aerodynamics And so it looks cool But you get it up in the air and you are really taking your life Into your hands potential or some eagles hands it also disrupts you know the natural order

of things and a lot of eagles uh are quite christian and they're looking for what they call to be the omni eagle yes um that is to say the eagle that is all-knowing all-seeing all-conquering and what will happen if they see that is they'll they'll fly straight towards it absolutely as as is foretold in scripture. And they'll incinerate themselves, and then what have you got? You've got hot eagle ash all over your knees, your feet, I don't know if you're sitting or standing, potentially your hair. I can't stress this enough.

Hot air balloons, in spite of their look, not that strong. So if you think that bird strike is a problem in a jet engine, yeah, try chucking a couple of pigeons at just a cursory pace at a giant hot air balloon. And not all of those pigeons are intelligent enough to go for the hole. Some of them are just flying into the side of your balloon. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. Because their eyesight isn't that good. If I could explain it another way, it would be like if you were on the water in a boat that's got holes in it already, but you have an ability to bail out the water, which I guess in this analogy would be stay airborne.

But then suddenly an eagle flies at your hot air balloon and makes the holes even bigger. The holes that you already have, not new holes. The existing holes getting larger. It's like in the boat, their hole's getting bigger, so more water can come. Too much water comes in. The difference in this case is it's like in the boat their hole's getting bigger so more water can cut too much water comes in the difference in this case is it's more more air i guess it's yeah yeah or something if i could just backtrack to uh a sentence you said just before you started using that frankly fantastic metaphor

tim thank you um you said that eagle's vision yes isn't that good. Correct. A common misconception. I'm so glad you pulled me up on this point because it's something that I would relish any opportunity to get out there more, really drive home to people. There is an urban legend out there that eagles' eyesight are very keen. Hence the colloquialism eagle-eyed. Yes.

But that is, in fact incorrect eagles are the only animal on earth to see neither color nor shape just motion they're blind effectively yeah they but not legally motion not legally they don't need seeing eye dogs well they don't need laws because they're eagles well except for the except for the legal eagles yeah but i mean their specialty is bird law um so how did this colloquialism get so misappropriated i mean as i understand it eagle has always meant a keen eye yeah the ability to see something from afar i know because so this is this is science right before we had science we were looking at birds we're looking at eagles in particular and we went how

is it that a bird a powerful big eagle from such a height can see prey from that far up and be able to like take it down with such laser-like precision and the truth of the matter is is it's luck every single time so in spite of seeing motion they still just guess they do guess yeah because i mean what i mean knowing that motion is happening it doesn't help that's all that's their sense this their version of a sense of vision is something's moving somewhere that's their sense of vision but they're not considered blind no because it's a tight it's like a sonar they react and that's why i say effectively blind effectively blind so they can tell that visually something

is moving in space somewhere they understand the idea of movement correct and they acknowledge when it is happening but in terms of getting to where they need to be, getting their prey, going back to their babies, flying these great distances, migrating all around the world, all luck every time. Eagles are just incredibly lucky birds. Wow. So that's one type of hot air balloon contesting. The second kind is just a straight race. Yeah, that makes sense. If you've played the Sonic games or any like flight simulators

you know those big rings in the sky you've got to get through I'm embarrassed I didn't think that that sort of hot air balloon I'm just embarrassed

I didn't think of that myself so that's two it's there if you're Grand Theft Auto you know there's the rings thing when you're training egg on my face

yeah and then the third of course is tricks freestyle freestyle so similar to what you see at a skate park or a half pipe on a on a mountain oh okay so that's they go up and they do what they

do loop-de-loops whirlybirds you got it dive bombs yep kickflips uh-huh wow yeah and what of the which of these three i mean i imagine new york being being the major center that it is, would on the one day host all three different types of competition. Yeah. What specifically, what contest is Coffee Guy hoping to partake in? Well, this is the thing, because he's seen this newspaper clipping, and it's brought back a lot of memories of him as a boy. It was what he used to do with his dad. They would go to the annual hot air balloon contest every year.

Every year. In New York? In New York City. Born and raised? Presumably. and he loved it it was really the only time he got to spend with his dad because his dad was very high-powered figure and some business that we don't need to get into in this episode nor will we ever i think that's for the best i read that email you sent yeah so let's just not kill it there uh so in particular his dad always loved the freestyle part of the day.

Not going to say why. Coffee Guy himself, well, I'll just say it's related to his career, but we're not going to talk about who he is. The less said, the better. Yeah. And Coffee Guy himself, as he got older, kind of developed his own sense of style. He became very enamored with the racing part of the day

because he's got a very highly competitive spirit, and it kind of the truest sport uh part of the proceedings that makes sense so that's that's where he's off to he's seen this listing in the classifieds yeah and by his body language and the amount of caffeine he consumes i assume on the day so is he hoping to muscle in to a team has he got a balloon in the garage he's going to dust off i mean i understand why he's interested in it i understand the urgency to get there i just don't quite understand how he plans on inserting himself into this this great day for new york city yeah my understanding is that he's there as a spectator. Oh, okay. To relive those childhood memories of him and his pa. Nice. Who, again, we won't talk about.

No, please. And even now you're saying more than necessary, drawing attention to it. Definitely not a man you would associate with air travel or a particular crime that may or may not be unsolved to this day that occurred in an airplane. None of that is or may not be unsolved to this day that occurred in an airplane none of that is or isn't related to coffee guys we should tell the company line which which we agreed on certainly not a recently closed fbi investigation that's what i'm saying why you know you're giving

more details while i'm saying you're not gonna say any more it would it if i could pick a new story yourself with every sentence if i could pick a news story you're contradicting yourself with every sentence if I could pick one news story it's just that means the least connection to

what I'm talking about is Coffee Guy's dad you're giving people something to work with it will be a news story from the 90s where a little kid

was playing in a creek and found a bundle of 20s so that's all I'll say and none of that's connected to his dad anything else jump out at you from the movie this week um i know this isn't the first time that i've brought this up but i'll tell you what did jump out at me and that was the length

oh yeah hey i think this is the first time you brought it up so i'd love to hear you explore it a little more this movie is too long for me too long for itself too long for anyone i think and there is a a moment uh about the sort of hour and 10 mark where they could have ended the film and it would have felt a little unsatisfying they haven't even gone to the airport let alone moved continents yet but we've had a little sample of all the characters we've seen everybody we've been in a big wedding we've had a musical number from lisa manali we've had a little bit of conflict we've had it resolved and you can almost see the credits start to come up in this bit where the limousine goes away um when that was harry and bigger originally meant to be because this is sort of a glamorous exotica type movie it's meant to be an homage to an era past that was where they

were going to put in an intermission. But in test screenings, so obviously they've got Charlotte and Miranda behind the screen and they'd be cramped up back there. There's not a lot of space. There's no green room. And they'd get to that part of the movie and it would be intermission.

Yeah. And what they found is they were spending a lot of money on getting Cynthia Nixon cynthia nixon and kristen davis uh in a room together and everyone would walk out of the cinema and then i mean what are you paying what are you paying for you're paying two actors to what sit behind a movie screen and watch a bunch of people walk out of a room it doesn't make any financial sense so they took out the intermission and that's why it feels like a natural break in the film and that's why it now flows quite

uncomfortably as one very long sort of protracted you know prolapse well that's about all for my observations for the movie this week, Guy have you got anything you want to add? oh look don't let anything we see fool you this is not a movie for the movie this week. Guy, have you got anything you want to add? Oh, look.

Don't let anything we've seen fool you. This is not a movie for watching. I am glad we did it. I'm a little upset we made no more inroads into knocking off We Are Your Friends. I certainly think this was an interesting use of time from us. And again, much like everything we do on this podcast incredibly rash decision yeah really i think what did you just i always see it on your computer i was looking at the device with which we watched the movie and there they were side by side we are your friends and sex in the city too

and i posited to you hey how wouldn't it be wouldn't it be quirky if we uh watched the wrong one this week quirky was the wrong word for it well we've done it now so we'll be back next week with some more we are your friends yeah absolutely and i would just like to say to anyone who lives in or near or knows anyone in perth western australia have i got news for you starting on tuesday february the 7th i will be in perth to perform stand-up comedy and i don't know anyone in perth it's five hours behind and 10 degrees hotter i am terrified uh it sounds like hell yeah so the show's called let's all get in a room together and if you look up it's at noodle palace but if you look up guy montgomery perth noodle palace you'll find where you can buy tickets it would mean the world to me once again

you just go to guymontcomedy.com yeah or find me on twitter at guy underscore mont but please if you're interested in hearing what that would sound like I would love to see you there also we've got some upcoming live shows which we don't have all the details on yet

but they're gonna be in Australia and specifically in Sydney Melbourne and Sydney and Melbourne and New Zealand

and New Zealand we will get the date. I mean, look, by the time this episode comes out, we may have nailed it all down. So follow us online. So we're not saying it, but it's all published. Go on the Facebook. I'll put it on the website.

Just go wherever you get information about this, and it'll be updated. Thank you once again for staying with us on this journey. We are your friends. Don't you listen to Carrie and the gals. for staying with us on this journey. We are your friends. Don't you listen to Carrie and the gals. They're not. They're not.

We are. And next week we'll be seeing a little bit more of Zicole, Somaly, Johnny Depp, and everyone's

favourite squirrel. You love him. We'll see him for you and we'll tell you how they're doing. Bye everybody. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again?

Try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a cully bastard. One of the guys that goes squirrel. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast.

If you're thirsty for another, why not try Bonus of the Heart? Bonus of the Heart. Do you want to do an apology corner? Do you want to do an apology corner to wrap up the segment? I'm the naughty boy of the podcast, bitch. All right, let's end it there. Because I'm the naughty boy of the podcast, bitch. All right, let's end it there.

Also, I mean, with all respect to the people who have passed on, who we have spoken on in this podcast, we do it with love. Absolute love. Absolute horniness that transcends anything. We appreciate you. We love you. Yeah, out of fandom and arousal. Those are the two places that this was coming from.

The Hunters of the Heart. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder

to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.