The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty One - Paul F (Part Two)

Episode Date: October 1, 2015

Paul F Tompkins joins the lads for the second part of this special two part episode. Bigpipe.co.nz also joins the fray in the form of a great sponsor. In this edition: PFT takes the lads through a cultural maze including a Streetcar Named Desire and a horror film called Thinner.The Dickbot v Brady rumble gains exciting new perspectives and there's one hell of a three-way scat off as the trio delve into what that crazy coffee consumer is up to this week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time, episode number 31. Point five. 30.5, if we're going to do that. It's 31. Point five. Trust me on this, it's 31. Let's not get bogged down in the numbers, alright? It's never been a numbers game. What it's always been about for me is free love. I was born in the 40s, alright? I grew up, I sort of had my sexual realisation in the swinging 60s. I'm talking

about San Francisco. Talking about hallucinogens. Yeah. Talking about chronic jet lag. Yeah, we're coming to you from Melbourne, Australia, and Guy has flipped his lid. He's gone crazy. He's eating Hungry Jacks, which is very

irregular for him. Two helpings, I might add. Yeah, what I did is I got an egg McMuffin and a hash brown. I put the hash brown in the muffin. I just want to burrow down into our podcasting hole, away from all of the natural light and other human beings. You had one of those, and you thought it was so good. You had a second one, and you went a little overboard, didn't you, fella? Yeah.

I had what is described by some as too much of a good thing. Anyway, we're not going to hold you long. That's neither hither nor thither. What we're here to tell you is this is the second part of our special two-part episode. This woman, please, just cool down on the announcements. Featuring Paul F. Tompkins. Wouldn't they just assume we're all across it?

And if you're not on top of things, you deserve to miss the flight. Oh, I don't know. Stop spoon-feeding this flight information. Have you ever been called? Yes. I have also missed flights. Not a good feeling at all.

This episode is brought to you by Big Pipe, the greatest ISP in New Zealand. That's not one of their taglines. That's right. That's just my opinion. You might remember them from the last part of this episode when 90% of you went out and changed your internet provider on a whim, which I congratulate you for.

Also, I mean, obviously in this case, you were right to do so, but you might not want to just follow our word like that. This is a specialty area because let's not screw around. Guy, you know me. I'm a geek. I'm a big, fat nerd, and I know about these sorts of things. BigPipe have the best deals in New Zealand for fibre. They're very fast, they're very reliable,

and all their support is through online, so you don't have to wait for call centre buggering. All of their employees. You could walk in there and demand any of their employees to throttle you by the neck or strangle you. They won't do it. They will not lay a finger on you. They can't.

You could literally try and concoct a situation in which you're sort of teasing their staff in a way which would lend itself to you being strangled, not even because you've requested it, but because you've coaxed them into this circumstance. Even them. The unique selling point that guy is delightfully dancing around with whimsy and humour is the fact that

Big Pipe offer no throttling on their speeds. Use as much internet as you please. Who ordered the helping of nerd information? No contracts, great online support, and they've got one of their plans, for example, which is called the Fast Plan. It's only $79 a month. You don't have to sign up for any amount of time. The good news is that for the rest of this episode, I'm not joined by Professor Fink or Frank

or whatever nerd version of Timbatt just climbed out of his mouth. The Simpsons. Sort of like that. Anyway, look, it's us two and Paul F. Tompkins. Okay, shut up for a second, guys. There's more of this to go. Use the code WORSTIDEA at bigpipe.co.nz

when you sign up and you get your first month free. And then they'll see that you're using it on account of hearing about it. Oh, yeah, it's good for us if you do that. It's a real good look for us. A real good look. Because I've got to tell you, these sponsors are really going out on a limb. That's right.

The concept of two New Zealand comedians talking about a movie that they keep watching weekly. Anyway, here's the episode. It's like a very thin, it's like a twig coming off of a tree. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. This makes me want to squeed up. What?

Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up.

Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Scoop it up. Where's he going? Why is he laying like that? On his hand. That is the question. A wristwatch. Every week.

There is a man in this film. His name is Coffee Guy. We love Coffee Guy. Coffee Guy comprises about a one hundredth of a percent of the film. And before we discover what exactly it is he is doing or where he might be going, because we obviously talk at length about him and his exploits.

How did you find his performance? How do you find the edit he gets given? It is truly insane. It's truly insane. Because I had not seen it. And thank you for pointing out here he comes and then it's even better than I imagined in my head it's truly insane and it's like what's so funny to me is he seems as if he's like the actor it seems as if he's trying to be professional about and say

like okay I want I have to remember to uh drink this at this time for continuity it almost seems like he's trying to do the right thing and completely does the wrong thing he's blowing it god love him he's blowing it god love him but i mean full credit to him uh the actor saw the potential in this bit part that's right uh which you know we have taken the liberty of fleshing out. You know he's a featured Sex and the City movie player. He was also in the first film. Yeah, he's an expert in the first movie. Who was he in the first movie?

I think he's like the same kind of guy. Guy at a wedding? Yeah. Yeah, he has a credit, something like that. But you know the story, the famous story of the streetcar named Desire? No. There was a fellow uh this is this is this is this is advice to actors uh that you should never it's along the lines of no small

parts just small actors like you should treat every job uh every role that you get uh with the same uh level of uh of uh professionalism uh an actor is asked he plays one of the uh the guys at the very end of Streetcar Named Desire who takes Blanche Dubois away into the loony bin right? And so someone asks him, you know he says I'm in this new play and someone says what's the play about? He says well it's about an ambulance driver who takes a woman away to the nut house so I think this guy, he clearly

built a story around this guy, he clearly built a story around this character that he's playing. Which we have tried to hone in on what he honed in on. And I think you guys, I think we're coming very close to cracking. Do you want to throw an interpretation of what you saw

on the screen out this week? Okay. Are you familiar at all with The Supernatural? Yeah. I'm aware of it. Do you know a movie called Thinner? No. No. Thinner is about

a big fat guy who's very rude and he insults a gypsy at one point who puts a curse on him to become thinner he says thinner and then the guy gets thinner and thinner at first he's happy about it but then he realizes oh i keep getting thinner this is turning into a problem i've seen the movie and don't recall how it is i think at the end he's just a skeleton i I don't know. So I think probably what happened with this guy was he offended some sort of witch, shaman, gypsy, said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

And this magical being said to him caffeinated and so he keeps drinking caffeine but he's very sleepy it doesn't have any effect on him but he keeps craving and he needs more and more caffeine. And so he's drinking it faster and faster, even though it is, of course, scalding the shit out of his mouth and throat. They just gave it to him. Yeah. Hot, fresh coffee. Fresh, piping coffee. And he orders them like, you know, you never see a waiter bring him the coffee. So clearly he has ordered three coffees at once and he's got them lined up in a row,

and he's doing them like Deadwood shots, right? He's just going to go down, drink those coffees, and then he's going to probably, as soon as he walks out of the coffee shop, fall asleep in the street. Wow. Because he's so tired. His curse sounds a lot like chronic fatigue syndrome.

It's Epstein-Barr. It turns out it was just a coincidence. Right. That this was not a magic person at all. It was just someone wearing a scarf on their head. It was a dress-up day at the hospital. That's right. And the doctor gave the diagnosis in character as a shaman.

That's right. I don't think mine made any sense. No, it absolutely did. It was water and coffee. So he was in such a great rush to get the coffee down so he would not have to suffer the indignity and embarrassment of falling asleep. That's right. He's got so much caffeine in him and it doesn't make any difference.

I'll be damned if I'm going to fall asleep in this heck cafe. That's right. He keeps trying, keeps trying. Well, we've been talking for a little while. That's true. I don't want to outstay our welcome here. But I'm keen to get both of your guys' thoughts on just exactly where we're stacked up on the Dick Bot versus Brady the Rat King matchup.

That is impending. Where are we sitting right now? Who's our money on? How do we think this goes down? Well, you are up to speed. I can't remember who so sorry that's a very niche that question to throw down into the air is uh the danish architect expert oh yeah is actually a uh presumably japanese made an artificial intelligence okay uh born in a lab escaped who was hiding out in the desert to gain as much information

as he can about humans while escaping the ire of the NSA who were trying to destroy him and also collecting enough solar energy to power himself. How many episodes did I miss? Because I thought I was all caught up. Has he been talked about a lot? A couple of times, I think. Have you heard us on the, did you hear us talking about stuff on the plane?

It's a recent DickBot theory. Yeah, I heard the plane one. You've only missed yesterday's one. Which hasn't been released yet. Yeah, but I don't think even, is that DickBot heavy? Pretty much what we have here is, obviously it's fair enough.

I don't recall the challenge between the two. So Dick, well, actually, that might have happened off mic. My apologies. I feel better about that now. Pretty much what we have discovered or read into it is that we have Dick Bod here who has made it to America. And he's now got a level of artificial intelligence,

which is going to enable him to sort of essentially try and take America. Right. And so he's programmed to destroy all humans. Americans. Americans, yeah. And Brady's obviously been harnessing the power of the rats and the sewers of New York. That's correct. And the defenses of Dickbot against humans is very strong because he's been training,

you know, he understands how they work and weaknesses and whatnot. But he has poured no time or effort into learning how to defend himself against vermin or rats. Right. And so Sex and the City 3, in essence, is a battle royale for control of the earth between Brady and his hordes of rats.

Right. And Dick Bott. I feel as if Dick Bot is a very formidable adversary, obviously. Like at the end of the movie, when he's fucking Samantha on the hood of the car. Since we don't see the point of penetration, he might be fucking the car. Do you know what I mean? It's possible. We don't see it. And she's just into it. he might be fucking the car. Do you know what I mean? It's possible.

We don't see it. And she's just into it. Your wife did walk into the lounge at the time when that was on screen. She said, no one fucks like that. She's got a point. Maybe that's how you fuck a car. That scene early on when they're, after the gay wedding,

when they are, Samantha's with that guy and they're taking turns yelling yes. That would turn me off so hard. Oh, yeah. Maybe the unsexiest thing I've ever seen. Nothing's happening that night. It's like a fretty sorority kind of way.

Yeah! Yeah! We're getting some! So you acknowledge the fact that they're pretty evenly matched Absolutely But man oh man There's so many rats There's so many rats

Especially in America And if he's going to New York City Brady's home turf Yeah Forget it Yeah okay Forget it There's like 10 rats to a person in New York City.

Guy you, same camp? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm a big Brady fan. Who isn't? I'm a big rat guy. Yeah. I'm a big rat guy. You know that. Come on, come on.

We've talked ad nauseum about my affinity for rats, Paul, don't you? Now I get your t-shirt. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's made of rat fur so that's right it's a picture of a rat and then your face rat guy i get it now it's very warm i'm sweating all over your couch uh also the the t-shirt is losing a lot of juice a lot of fluid so uh it's a very juicy yeah we'll get this thing dry clean that's sure Don't worry about it. But yeah, I mean, I'd like to think, because in essence, another speculation we made is that DigBot

is trying to take out all of the electricity in America, which obviously all traces back to the Pentagon. That's where you make all of your power, we understand. It all comes from the Pentagon. That's why it's shaped that way. That's right. And so the rats can just,

any ploy that DigBot has, by harboring or using all of this electricity can easily be undone by the little gnashers, little gnawing chompers on the rats. You're ignoring the solar power part, which is the whole reason he's in the Middle East to begin with. Digbot's developed a way to power himself, much like Superman with our yellow sun.

He can't control all of America without controlling their power mains. And whenever he tries to... Okay, you know what? I mean, to me, the solar power thing seems like he's not dependent on other people's power. He's self-sufficient. Well, yeah, so he can get the job done of destroying the grid while powering himself. Right. Disempowering others.

What a metaphor. So if he takes everyone else's power away, he is the only one with power. Having said that... Because he's stored up all the only one with power. Having said that. Because he's stored up all the solar energy. Well, that's true. But also, to play devil's advocate to myself, inextricably, the rats have no use for power either. So they don't need it to win the war anyway.

That's true. So I've kind of painted myself into a corner, and I feel like I'm going to have to join Team Brady. Do you think rats enjoy the fact that there's electricity, though? It makes it easier for them sometimes. If there's streetlights on, it makes it easier for them to find stuff to eat. We cook food for them. We leave it in the gutter for them.

One day they will rise up and realize that our dependency on power is our single largest vulnerability, and they'll find a way to chew through those power cords. You know they're talking down there in the sewers. But, I mean, it benefits them just as much as it benefits us, probably even more so because they are dependent upon foraging for food, and it makes it easier if there's lights on in an alley for them to find a dumpster. And also if they've sort of posied up in a nice house in secret, obviously,

not a lot of rats are living confidently with their little rat lounges within a human lounge. You've got lights, you've got a lot of triggers, a lot of warnings. Every time that you're aware that the actual owners of the house might be coming home, you can scurry out of there. Close the party down. Cops are here. Get back to your homes. I'm just imagining a little rat

scurrying across the lounge, picking up its own feces to try and hide the evidence that it's been hanging out. I guess I just wonder, do they appreciate it? You know what I mean? Are they saying, this is great that we have this? I suspect they are appreciative of it in the moment, and they will endure it until power turns against them.

So our use of electricity, we start turning our attention in a very serious way to wiping out the rats, and that's when they will take us out. I think it's too late to do that. We should have been doing that a long time ago. Us wiping out the rats or vice versa? Well, yeah, being ready to wipe out the rats because I think it's too late. They got really close with the plague. They made a big play, and they did well. It's true.

Although I heard recently that the rats were maybe not to blame for that. What were it, fleas? Fleas. There's fleas, I heard recently that the rats were maybe not to blame for that. What were fleas? Fleas. There's fleas, but then there's also some other animal that might have been their fault. A big animal or a little like a human beings had a hand in it. I think a little animal. What? Like a furry animal, like a dog or like a mosquito.

Maybe a mosquito. It might have been an insect. It might have been an insect. But the rats are the one that they take the rap for the plague, but it might not have been their fault It might have been an insect. But the rats are the one that, they take the rap for the plague, but it might not have been their fault. Well, I'm sorry. To the rats, then. Well.

Now I feel bad. It's very big of you to do. Before Brady was awarded the kingdom, he had to apologize on behalf of humanity for that blame laying. That's how he got them. Fact. I love that.

He had to read out a script that they'd written in which he renounced the whole responsibility for the bubonic plague. Down the barrel. Fact. Would you gentlemen like to add anything? To this conversation? You're touching my knee a lot now.

I'd like to add a couple things. Yeah. The guy who plays Miranda's asshole boss was comedian Ron White. Ron White, that guy who plays the Miranda's asshole boss. Yeah. Was a comedian, Ron White. Ron White. That's who he is. Okay. One of the, one of the, uh, blue collar comedy Kings or whatever.

I love it. I did not see that coming at all. I love his performance in the film. He was terrific. All this time you've been talking about him. I, I have never been able to picture him and I was astonished to find out that it was blue collar comedy star ron white of all people we had a lot of people do this to us through grown-ups too as well we were talking

about people we're in new zealand we you know only just got the internet and people were like oh it's this guy oh it's this dude oh it's this espn announcer who's doing a cameo and we were like i thought he was just the gym teacher right you know but there's just all these cameos so I'm looking forward to the furthering of that journey of finding out who's in this movie

another thing when Big and Carrie are having dinner at home the beautiful anniversary dinner that he's made her

sausage rolls sausage rolls and a goon sack of wine and he says oh you he says oh you have some asabuco on your face. And then he licks it off.

Like, doesn't lick it off of her. He eats it off of her. I would never do that to my wife, whom I love more than anyone on earth. She had food on her face. There's no way I would just go. He doesn't. There's no evidence of way I would just go. He doesn't. There's no evidence of time. He just goes.

He just gets it. I'm totally OK. He eats it off of her. This was a big war on the road between Guy and I, because about 10 episodes ago, I was like, it is disgusting. I was like, I would do that. Here's why. Here's why it's disgusting.

Because he tries to make it sexy. Yeah. It's not cute. He tries to make it sexy. I wouldn not cute he tries to make it sexy i would yeah that's that is a fair um point because yeah if it's goof if you do that goofy yeah that's the way to play it off you're throwing food at each other like married couples do i don't know why he's calling a sausage roll Osso Buco. That's what's crazy to me. One final thing.

These two rich people in their rich fucking apartment in New York City, this gigantic apartment that they have, they're sleeping in a double bed. That's insane. It's insane. A double bed. They're crammed in there like it's charles dickens times it's ridiculous you funnily enough you also pointed out that when carrie and miranda go to abu dhabi they're sharing a room there's two beds in one bedroom in this lavish like beyond yeah here

they're they're picked up at the airport in four separate cars and then they're shown to this mansion within a hotel. Here's this gigantic property that is all yours. Over there is the shared boudoir. And then they're like, Rubies! Why would that be happening and why would you be excited about it? There's a private bar in there. Knock that thing out. Chuck a bed in there. They wouldn't have to share. And there was no payoff to it, right? Oh, no. There was no payoff to it. No. There was nothing

that justified them. There was no gag that came out of it, right? Because one of them's always asleep and the other one's awake and the only time Carrie wakes Miranda up is when she rushes in from out of the room so she could have had her own. You're totally right. There's some dynamite deleted scenes of just gasbagging at midnight,

just shooting the breeze. What boys do you like? That's probably true. That's probably true. We were saying just before we started rolling that Tim and I haven't looked up the deleted scenes in Sex and the City 2, but we quickly arrived at the idea

that there probably aren't any deleted. They didn't trim any of the fat off this thing. Oh, I bet they did. I bet they did. I bet they did. I bet there's even more shit out there. One thing I did suspect, just ever so briefly, is I don't know how it got cut as well. It must have been atrocious. But Carrie has to have given a best man speech.

There's no power to her being the best man. Absolutely. She's just standing there. They make her the best man. They talk about her being the best man multiple times. And you're like, okay, she's's an author so she's obviously very like uh articulate and yet i think on the wedding on the wedding bill it says she was going to do a reading and i think what it was she was going to do she was going to do the camera does pan down we do see the because big is like this gay wedding how long

is it going to last and we get to see a sort of a visual cue for how long it's going to last while carrie also narrates exactly what's happened a little time later. They're spoon feeding it to their idiot audience, which is us. And only us at this point. Also that, that really quickly. No, don't, no, don't. Paul, don't you dare. Well.

I am curtailing what I'm saying because I'm in your home. You get to dictate the length of this. I could curtailing what I'm saying because I'm in your home. You get to dictate the length of this. I could go all night and I would be happy to. I don't want this to be a bummer for the listeners because you usually, this is a nice compact type podcast. We'll split it up. Two-parter.

Two-parter. Why not? Thus concludes. But no, this is definitely. If we did split it up. We're already in part two. Well, to get the whole line of how's my tie and the big reveal of, you know,

Carrie and the tux and everything. Sorry, just briefly explain what that line is. Big is looking in the mirror. He's getting dressed for the gay wedding. It's a gay wedding. So this gay wedding they're going to, he's getting dressed for it. And so he's in his formal wear and he's adjusting his he's adjusting his tie in the mirror and he says how's my tie and then we swish pan over to carrie in a tuxedo saying how's my tie i don't think if you're a sighted person

and you're looking at your tie in the mirror you need to ask someone how is my tie he's looking at it what more what more feedback does he need he's colorblind for a start so he's just making sure it's black and white though like this is his default he's here to double check every day of his life before walking out of the house that's a bloody good point because that's a very legitimate line if there isn't a reflective surface around. You go, how's my tie? Do I look okay? Yeah.

He is delivering the line into a fucking mirror. He's looking at it as he says it. Nice get, Paul. I missed that one. I'd also just like to announce, while we're very loosely still on the thread, why the reading or the best man speech got cut from the wedding is because it was a reading from uh carrie's forthcoming book i do do i uh and you saw how hot that crowd was at the wedding and this thing bombed hard it was brutal do you think the reviewer from the new yorker was at the wedding yeah and that's why the book got panned yeah

it was like the in she i bet you the reviewer didn't even touch the book when it came out. It was like, oh, there's no way that thing came out okay. She couldn't be more of a fucking baby about that review too. The review wasn't that bad because we paused it and read it because they do flash the page up on screen. She's called the Woody Allen of. Yeah. She's compared to one of the greatest filmmakers of American times know, American times or cinema times or all time, if you think about it.

And they also, even by her own admission in the review, the section she reads, she is described as the talented Carrie Bradshaw. And it has some, you know, firm but fair critique about her book. And what does she do? Fucking whips out. They put that tape over her mouth, though. The New Yorker put that tape over her mouth. It's fucking satire, man.

Fuck it up. That's what a caricature is built on, Carrie. Get that skin thickened. That didn't pay off either because with all the preaching they do about, it's like they don't want the women to have a voice. I think I get the point of the burka. I feel like there's a direct parallel between it covering their mouths and the men not wanting them to talk but then that's not paid off in any way when she's complaining about they want to take my voice away there's no there's

no sense of checking privilege of like oh i thought i was being silenced because someone drew a cartoon it's so true but these people really do live in a place. We're showing the whole way through that Carrie, there's no empathy for, like, no. You know, like when she speaks to, not Beydoun, who's the butler that- Garan. Garan. Yeah.

And he explains his marriage arrangement. And then the next morning she's like, and just makes it about her immediately once again. He tells a heart-wrenching story about how he has to save up money and can only see his wife. Every three months. She still lives in India. They can only see each other once every three months.

And Carrie takes that anecdote and doesn't say, you know what, I don't have it so bad. Instead she says, my life is the same as your life. Yeah. She takes what he says completely at face value like she doesn't parse it in any way of like oh for him in this situation this is the best that it can be as opposed to oh but that's still terrible like she makes it a romantic thing like hey they're away for three months at a time but it's always she just completely parrots what

he says yeah yeah twice in the movie. This is our hero. This is like the person that we're supposed to admire. And twice in the movie, she's like, I'm just going to repeat what this man says. And the roast role is the advisor. He's Rafiki. He's here to give some wisdom. That repetition, once again,

I know quite a lot of you about the script writing process. That was, again, when Michael, the first quite a lot of us about the script writing process. Uh, that was again, when Michael, after the first draft, after he'd submitted his pictures, he submitted what he had. It was the bones of a script. And then a lot of it was just repeated lines. We had written in the margins to himself,

insert another line of dialogue here. Do you think it was like a cut and paste job? Yeah. And a lot, and a lot of the, a lot of that stuff still snuck through and replace. Yeah. Snuck through every step of the way.

I also liked the thing that I thought was so absurd was the central conflict for Carrie is this choice between it's either you do everything together all the time or you have these enforced periods of solitude that lasts a full 48 hours and it's like what what a weird false choice yeah that's how about just balance things out yeah people find a way to do it yeah she walks into the apartment and big has got his feet up on the couch and it pans to her looking at the couch he He's got his feet. He's minding his own business, reading the paper in his own goddamn house, and she's got nothing to do. She grabs a pillow. She throws the pillow across the room. She sighs.

She says, ah, great couch, huh? He says, yeah, we waited a year and a half for this couch. Yeah. You know, giving her a little something, and then returns to his paper, and then she goes, hey, your shoes are on that couch. Fuck off. At that point, I'd be like, get a goddamn hobby. I actually didn't mind the shoes on the couch thing because it's like, yeah, don't.

That should go for anybody. You were ragging on the couch at the end. That couch was terrible. But still, don't put your shoes on the couch. But the thing that was so crazy to me was that he doesn't want to go to that premiere and she makes him do it. He doesn't want. I would never do that to my wife. That's insane.

Yeah, it's a gross thing to do. That's not a thing that adults do. Yes, exactly. It's so weird. Like, no, you know what? We're not going to do separate things. You're going to go to this thing you don't want to go to with me. Especially because she has been doing sweet fuck all day.

She's finished this book, so she's on holiday at this point. She plies him with alcohol And says hey You're being a pussy Put a shirt on You're off It's a bit of work man Why don't you just make a date

And he's colour blind His job is very difficult When you don't know which direction the market is going He's also got vertigo So the guy's literally guessing the whole time I feel bad for him All day he's just staring at those four screens in his office He doesn't know what the fuck they're doing.

He can't read them. Trying to cook up some sort of money-making scheme. Oh, my goodness. Well, look. Also, his office looks shitty. Like, he's supposed to be this big shot dude. And even when they do the dramatic shot of him being sad in the window, even when they pull out, it's like, that office looks like a closet.

Do you reckon? Yeah. I like this office. Oh, I thought it looked kind of small, it's like, that office looks like a closet. Do you reckon? Yeah. I like this office. Oh, I thought it looked kind of small. It's like a half of a boardroom. It was weird. Maybe they didn't have enough money for sets,

and that's why there had to be a shared bedroom in the palace. They were reflecting their big and hard financial times. He used to have a bigger office. Yeah, that's right. With keyboards. He had to take it off his roommate. There's another guy that we don't see on the other side.

Just off camera. Hey, would you keep your personal phone calls down? I'm trying to do stocks business. I'm at work, Kerry. I'm really sorry about that. But it's not a bad office. It's a poor, good office. It's poor at being a good office.

Well, as long as we're talking about Big and the fishbowl, in the think tank, if you will, we might as well dip into Mr. Big's big book of ideas. So, if it's your first time joining the Worst Idea of All Time, what a strange place to jump on the train. But welcome. Guy and I have watched Sex and the City 2 31 times now. Paul F. Tompkins joins us in this episode. This is your second viewing.

This is my second viewing. Mr. Big is in this film, and he works in an office, and he's very sad and colorblind and suffering from vertigo. And in his office is not a computer at his desk, but there is a big leather-bound book, which he scribed all his genius ideas on.

That's right. Who would like to grab the reins? Well, I just, like, this is not, this is not probably the big idea, but I did find out, I did, I think I'm onto something here. And that is every year he uses the book to draw up his anniversary present for Carrie. Oh no. And what he's, Carrie says, after they've finished their sausage rolls, she says, she gives him the Rolex

and he's happy or whatever. And then he says, your gift is in the bedroom. And she says, it better be something I've not seen before. And he's figured out exactly what to get her. This is presumably the year after or whatever, but he goes into the room

and he opens up where eventually the flip, screen panel television is. And this is also on the back of that uncomfortable conversation about parenting that they had at the wedding with that Mormon couple. The one good moment in the film. That was the one decent moment in the film.

It was conflict. Yeah. So the movie was saying something. So she says, well it better be something I've not seen before. They go into the room and he opens up the cupboard. And he's just gone out into the street and picked up a newborn baby. And the movie goes, we got a baby. Right.

I got us a baby. Which you haven't seen before. Yeah. It's an A baby, but not this particular baby. Which is. And I hid it in the desk Yeah Yeah

And yes It wasn't the air con That was making that noise It was a crying baby A crying baby That we've got in our desk And I think This is one of his ideas

One anniversary Is he He went out there And took a baby And put it I don't know It tickled me pink Absolutely

Well As we all know If there's one thing That will fix a failing marriage It it's inserting a child into it. It works every time. Every time. You know what this marriage needs? Another person involved.

Who's relying on us to be very on the level and energetic and balanced and dedicated to it. Yep, yep, yep. Because the other time whenever she says there's got to be something in that room I haven't seen before, I always think it's a dismembered moose cock. For whatever reason, I always think. I've been trying every year. You've seen a lot of stuff. But this, surely.

I haven't seen this. Mr. Big's big book of ideas. A lot of those pages are populated by money-making schemes. Colored by the fact that he seems to be on Wall Street somewhere. Yeah, he's a man of the business world. Yeah. I mean, what did you see on those? You watched the movie this time.

What did you see fly at you from those pages? You know what I was surprised to see, and it makes sense because of an earlier scene, a design for couch shoes. These are shoes that you can wear on the couch. You mean like slippers? But they're shoes. They're shoes designed to look like slippers. So the idea is, I mean, here's the one drawback.

The one drawback is when you're out in the world, people think you're wearing slippers. Right. But you're wearing shoes. You're wearing hard shoes that you wear to work. I'm going to explain it to everybody. Here's the thing. It's still in beta, but the idea is that, you know, of course when you're out and about just in the world,

people are like, are you wearing your slippers out and about just in the world, people are like, are you wearing your slippers out? We've got the pitch meeting. Yeah. Like, you can't wear slippers. It's very important. Like, I know they look like slippers, but they're couch shoes. Oh, now people are intrigued.

Right. This is where it pays off. But then when your nagging wife is telling you you can't wear your shoes on the couch, which it's what we all want to do you know when i come in after a hard day at work and uh you know some people are like take off your shoes and i'm like they're my shoes and i'll leave them on when i want to and to me i love having shoes on and i love laying on the couch. I wish I could do them both together,

but it's frowned upon. Now, with couch shoes, I have shoes that no one will ever know aren't slippers, and I can wear them on any couch I want. So you are putting up with a whole lot of inconvenience and questions out on the street for the creature comfort of secretly knowing you're wearing shoes on a couch at home.

Look, it's the most decadent thing there is. To wear your shoes on the couch. I love it. It's like ancient Rome. It's great. 100% sold. I'll give you $50,000 for 10% of the company my name is

Pheo Perfeus and I will give you $25,000 for 5% of the company it's the British version is called a dragon's den yeah yeah which always they call it before dragon's den

stupid British people Dragon's Den throwing the insult far and wide this week oh he's in the Dragon's Den oh oh

it's gonna get hot in the fire pit in the Dragon's Den he's gonna be a pile of bones with a helmet on oh oh that metal armour

you're wearing is gonna get mighty hot if you go too close to that dragon you're gonna burn some skin to get my hot if you go too close to that dragon you're going to burn some skin off find out if he survived next week on British Dragon's

Dead literal Dragon's Dead I feel like we're probably heading towards a natural conclusion of the episode

I feel like we're just getting started so then I guess at this point I would like to reiterate Paul F. Tompkins You're an absolute legend For letting us into your house

It's my pleasure I feel like some sort of tiny wooden horse That I've had an insight of Left myself at the gate You've invited us in A tiny wooden horse Not a great big wooden horse Nope, little one

It's a new twist on an old thing Sure And thank you very much. Thank you, guys. It was a pleasure to have you. This was very fun for me. This was good, right? I mean, apart from watching the film, of course.

Yes. Even that. And so the listeners know, my challenge to myself was to not speak during the movie. Oh, you didn't mention that. I was going to watch it like a movie. I wanted to see how far I could get, and I couldn't get very far. You got really far. A third of the way through, maybe?

A little. But that didn't, usually going on, bloody gas bagging through this whole thing at this point. Yeah, and what was, yeah, that changed the context of watching it for us also, because it was, Not bad for you guys.

Because it was, yeah, it was interesting, because we were forced, it was like, you know, the energy in the room, to us actually investing in the movie, and not distracting ourselves with with a waffle

but once I saw how little time had passed I was like we just gotta talk this is really hard I was getting a lot of pent up edgy energy I was doing some tapping I noticed that

it was so weird that was really weird to be watching it with you guys edgy energy. I was doing some tapping. I noticed that. I noticed that. It was so weird. That was really weird to be watching it with you guys because you both had moments like that where there was heavy sighing and you were, I think, cradling your head at one point while you were watching it. I was hoping you didn't notice that.

My heart really went out for you. I realized, wow, these guys really have watched this that many times. I can't imagine. And I realized, wow, these guys really have watched this that many times. And I can't imagine. And Amiga, 21 more. We recorded an episode of Spontaneanation, which is your podcast, which I always feel like I'm pronouncing incorrectly. Am I adding a syllable?

You're saying it right. You'll almost definitely be spelling it wrong. And the episode will be coming out later in the year in about December December 14th but you were very sweet on there and you you know

all jokes aside we did our nice story and it was a beautiful thing and I felt like we hit some really good stuff in there and it was it was fabulous

it was a lot of fun it was very silly but then at the end you were kind of like listen guys really you pulled us aside all jokes aside

I'm worried about you you need to kind of i like to joke and kid around as much as the next guy but i told i told the fellas you mustn't do this again you know what it felt like it felt like being warner herzog at the end of grizzly man when that woman has the the recording of timothy treadwell's final moments as he's being torn apart by a bear. And he's saying, you must never listen to this. Me saying to you guys, life is very short. And you cannot spend another year watching a terrible movie together. If you don't understand that reference, do some Googling.

Because that is visceral and hilarious. Good God. Well, once again, let's do what you do. Where can we find John Lyon? If you're listening to this you probably have found him that's true you never know you never know diagram of people who know about us and what you would say not huge i'll go for that slice i want to bring that slice it's all yours uh pf tompkins on twitter uh t-o-M-P-K-I-N-S. And Paul F. Tompkins on Tumblr. And you can find live

dates there and stuff like that. And I have a podcast called Spontaneanation on Earwolf. Comes out every Monday. You've got a bunch. You've got Super Ego. Super Ego, yes, which comes out sporadically. It's very good, though. I love Super Ego, yeah. And you can get all the back episodes of Paul's stuff as well on Howl,

which is this fantastic new app-y, platform-y, product-y podcast. Yeah, it's sort of almost like a Netflix-y kind of thing for podcasts, but there's all the old Comedy Bang Bangs from longer ago than six months ago are on there. I mean, that's a vast catalog that's worth, I think it's like five bucks. You have access to all that stuff. That's like kind of nothing. And there's an original Super Ego series on there. You can only get there called Forgotten Classics.

Oh, cool. Where me and the guys at Super Ego take a classic work of literature that none of us have ever read, and we improvise what we think it is about. Yeah, I think, anyway, that's not important. I think I heard Matt maybe was telling us about that idea. I bet he was. Did you read the first sentence and the last sentence? We get the first sentence, the last sentence,

and the list of characters. Yeah. And there's also on how we find out, and there's bonus episodes where we actually read what the synopsis is of the plot and find out how close we are. It's awesome. Guy Montgomery.

Yeah. Throw some things out. And bear in mind that this will probably be on after we do our gig at Lago. Oh, okay. And can I just say, you did an awesome job

on stage, man. You were so good. You know what? I'm a classic dude. If you are listening to this, then please come along. I'm doing a double feature in Wellington

with Joseph Moore at VK's. If you're in wellington new zealand uh we're doing it i don't have the dates but it's in october it's all online um it's gonna be it's gonna be it's gonna be a little around there's gonna be a lot of laughter a lot of kissing a lot of handshakes a lot of love uh so yeah get on that otherwise um guy will tweet it out just keep just keep doing exactly what you're doing right now Don't stop, get in the loop

Guy underscore Mont And I am Tim underscore Bat With two Ts You're more than an online profile Thank you so much You're a well rounded human being With thoughts and experiences Well that's us for another viewing of Sex and the City 2

And we will catch you next time which will be the one before the LA Podfest one which happened yesterday. Figure that out. Until then, hashtag decal your niqab.

Dequel your niqab. And if you want to look up Dequel Jackson as well, I don't know what he's doing for a living anymore. Probably working at an extras sort of acting studio with Con Barrel. That's not the handle there. Stop listening.

For the love of God, would you turn your goddamn electronic device off and go talk to someone? Say goodbye, Paul. Bye, Paul. Good one, Dad. The worst. And that concludes our fabulous two-parter

with Paul F. Tompkins. We would now like to retire from show business on top. That's right. Undefeated. I wish that episode would never end. Another shout-out to Paul F. Tompkins. You should listen and subscribe to his podcast, Spontaneanation. Try and spell it.

I dare you. Or work through his back catalogue of the Pod F Tompkast. Just follow him around. Whatever he does, sniff it out. Find him and follow him. In real life. Thanks again to our sponsor for this episode, Big Pipe. They are an internet service provider in New Zealand.

If you're not in New Zealand, suffer in your dicks. Stop listening now. If you're not in New Zealand, shut up, because we're going to talk about private New Zealand stuff. All right, guys. What are we going to do about the rugby? We need to win this thing. We need to come up with a plan ASAP, I mean I know that we can pretty

much trust our guys to bring it home but I don't want to take any risks sorry to interrupt your rugby chat guy but let me just mention that Big Pipe have no contracts, no throttling great online support and if you sign up with the code WORSTIDEA at bigpipe.co.nz

they'll give you a month free to test the waters. Bring your own modem and broadband not available everywhere. I think those are the things I have to say. Carry a modem at all times. I do. You know I do. That's how they keep it so cheap. I'm going to go and round up a team of lacrosse players

to learn how to play lacrosse. We're still in an airport, by the way. Okay. Guy's going to get some sleep now, and I think the next episode might be the LA Podfest one. Or it might not. I'm not sure. We might chuck one in between then.

We had to wait a while before we released it, so we're just grabbing the file for that now, and we'll get it up. If you want to see the video stream for that, Google LA Podfest. I think it's lapodcastfestival.com. Is that right, Guy? Yes. And then go to the video stream for that uh google la pod fest i think it's la podcast festival.com is that right guy yes and then go to the video section and you can buy the ticket um with the code worst and it'll get you five bucks off so i think it's 20 us and then you can not only watch us you know

talking with a visual accompaniment but also uh my brother my brother and me and paul f tompkins falling off a stage during the intro of Spontaneanation featuring Reviews and Gaelic. You'll get Mark Maron. You'll get probably science. Pat Niswold? Yeah, he was all over the place. Look, it's going to be a lot of fun.

Just stop listening for fuck's sake. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season 2.