The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty - Paul F (Part One)

Episode Date: September 24, 2015

Paul F. Tompkins joins Guy and Tim for a watch of Sex and The City 2. The comedy and podcasting great has seen both movies and every episode of the TV show so watch out for some in depth knowledge about everyone's favourite franchise! The trio cover ground including the Cookie Monster, the oppressive use of fashion and Canterbury prop great Col Barrell (four caps for the ABs but no international matches). ENJOY! Part two to come soon... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst idea of all time, pre-roll section. That's right, we did it bitches, we figured out how to stitch two different audio files seamlessly into one. It's only been 19 months since we kicked this podcast off and we've figured out audio editing. You said it couldn't be done, you said they'll never figure it out, they're kiwis, they're stupid. They're backwards. Their brains, they're misformed and malnourished. Well, check it out, bitches. We have the most nourished brains in the car right now. It's just the two of us. We're in a car.

We're on the corner of Santa Monica and Western Avenue in Los Angeles, California. And I believe I'm pronouncing that right. We've turned the air conditioning down to zero. We're roasting in here. We are. Positively melting into our seats. That's right. the air conditioning down to zero it's a it's we're roasting in here this is positively melting into our seats that's right if you were to leave any form of human being in this car unattended for i don't know longer than 10 minutes they would be a puddle but we're not here to talk to you about

the sensational californian heat we're here to talk to you about another sponsor we got another sponsor we're big deals now huge deals accordingly, we needed the sponsor to have the word big in their name. So we went around scrounging and we found a bloody beauty. An internet service provider in Auckland. Well, it's in New Zealand. I found them in Auckland, though. By the name of Big Pipe. Big Pipe are wonderful.

Now, if you're an American listener, you're probably taking a quick dip in the jealous sea right now knowing you can't sign up with the good folks at Big Pipe. To which I say, booyah, sucks to you, suffer in your jocks, mate. You silly assholes have some sort of crazy monopoly system over here for your internet. In New Zealand, we get our pick of the litter, and my pick, 100%, is Big Pipe. That's right. If ISPs were puppies, Tim would be breaking into houses and taking little puppy Big Pipe every single time. I'm connected to Big Pipe at my home.

I think the reason that you would take this puppy from the litter, Tim, is on account of the fact that you're not beholden to this puppy. You've got no real obligations. I mean, it's up to you to enjoy it as much as possible. But guess what? You haven't signed a contract. You're just holding a loose puppy. What a stunning way to get into unique sales proposition offered by Big Pipe.

No contracts, no throttling, great online support. No throttling. They do not come around to your house and take you by the neck. And that is a Big Pipe promise. That is a guarantee. You can use as much goddamn internet as you want, and you can be with them for just a couple of months. Here's an idea.

Who are you with right now? Forget about them. Throw them out the window. Sign up with Big Pipe just for a month. Just a little taster. All right? Have a nibble. It's like a free, you know when you go past Starbucks

and they give you some free garbage whipped flavoured cream? Just try it. They've got a great fast plan that's only $79 a month, which in American dollars is about $3. That's right. In New Zealand dollars, that is still $79, all right? The value of the New Zealand dollar relative to New Zealand is always the same. It's bloody good, though.

They're a great internet service provider. They cut costs everywhere by, like, removing stupid shit like call centres so that they can make great internet service provider they cut costs everywhere by like removing stupid like call centers and also they make you they cut costs by hiring us previously to make some web ads for them which we will put on the page for your viewing pleasure you're going to love big pipe we do too and you can try them for a month free with the code worst idea when you sign up worst idea w-o-r-s-R-S-T-I-D-E-A. I didn't need to spell that out. Spelled in the traditional manner.

You're not a dum-dum. Now get on with your life and enjoy the episode, you dingus. Bigpipe.co.nz It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst idea of all time

Episode number 30, but watch number 31 Because of certain complicated contractual reasons we can't release the episode we recorded yesterday for two weeks, which we did at LA Podfest. Hashtag Dequel Uniqua. Dequel? Yeah. Dequel. Like the former Cleveland

Browns middle linebacker, Dequel Jackson. The man you can hear there is Guy Montgomery. That's right. The man who you heard talking before is Tim Batt, and we have a very special guest this week. Please welcome to the microphone Paul F. Tompkins. Hello. It's me, Paul F. Tompkins.

It is. From America and in America. The credits are limitless, and I won't bore everyone with going through them. We did get the highlights there, though. You'll probably know him most recently from Bojack Horseman and his own podcast, or podcasts, of which there are several. Spontanean Nation being...

It's been whittled down to just the one now. Anything else you want to plug right at the top before we get into this, Paul? Just my love of cinema. Yeah. I love it. Who doesn't? You graciously accepted us into your home to do this viewing.

It's my pleasure. I'm not even wearing shoes right now. You bought us dinner. What a guy. And then how do we reward you? We unleashed Sex and the City 2 for not the first time for you, but certainly not the first time for us. Now, I knew what I was in for.

And I'm a listener of the podcast, and I'm all caught up, and I had seen this movie close to the time when it first came out. It turns out I have seen all of Sex and the City, the series, and all of the movies. And I don't quite know how that happened, but my wife is a huge fan, and so a lot of times she would be watching the show in reruns, and I would realize, oh, I've seen this one. And then I realized, I think it was that when that show was on, I'd never had cable before, and so it was my first time having premium cable, and I just watched every show that was on HBO. Excellent. Even shows I did not like.

I watched them because it was HBO, and I was paying for it. Yeah. It was like, the quality's better, even if it's a show I don't enjoy. The quality of it is better. There could have been stuff that you missed, which is very much the mantra of this show as well. You know, you've got to watch it a fair few times to get all those details in there in your brain.

Did you guys discover new things? Always. Yeah, constantly, with every watch. With every watch. Look, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything. You're not on trial here. Which it sounds like, Paul. List 10.

Paul, I'm just keen to get your thoughts because we have literally just finished the movie now. What did you think of it? This movie is not so good. Now, having seen all of the series and all of the movies, a curious thing happened where in the first movie that they did,

they sold out all of their characters. They, like, everything that was decent about them, they completely, like, Samantha had a boyfriend who nursed her through cancer, and then in the movie, she's like, I got to break up with this dude. And that's our friend Smith, the movie star.

Are you serious? Yes, yes, yes. So the cancer storyline was in the TV show? That was in the TV show. And then in the movie, she's like, you can't tie Samantha Jones down. I got to break up with you, dude. And he's like, I understand that. And then she fucks him over.

She can't she can't take it she keeps like i and my forgive me my recollections are hazy and i'm sure someone remembers the movie better than i do but she's some point she's staying in some beach house or something and there's a dude that is staying in the house next to her who is a super hot uh uh you know european generic european guy who is is showering naked on the outdoor beach shower and she can't take it anymore. And so she breaks up with her boyfriend

who nurses her. Oh, really? That's horrible, right? Any kind of character arc where she's finally learned how to love and develop a constant one-to-one human relationship, they just strip it away for the movie

to sell them tickets. It's really weird. It's really, really weird. And the idea that Carrie would end up with Big is kind of... That was kind of against the... It's one of those things where he was an on-again, off-again guy

and he was mysterious and charming and whatever. But the idea that she would end up with him like they're meant to be together just always seemed to me, even as a guy who is not emotionally invested in the show. Well, you say that. No, that's the wrong call. Maybe I am.

Maybe I am. A lot of people have said that is not the first time I've heard that. It's like at the very least she should have ended up with Aiden because Aiden's kind of indisputably a good dude. He's a bit of a goofball, but that's what makes him human. He's got some foibles. Yeah. Heably a good dude. He's a bit of a goofball, but that's what makes him human. He's got some foibles. Yeah. He's a good guy. I forget, maybe it was Rose that you had on the show

who was familiar with the series and said that she'd had a number of boyfriends who were like decent people, but she ruined it every time. And it's like she's kind of the villain of the show, Carrie Bradshaw. She's the anti-hero, and that's the secret to it.

She's the Tony Soprano of Sex and the City. But when you have like those flaws, you can get on board with it as well as long as they try and... I don't...

Well, if the idea... There's a way to do this in this movie. Yeah. If the idea is that you learn, you grow and that doesn't seem to happen in this movie,

what really struck me was that, and I don't think I picked up on it at the time, like she is just acting like an idiot. She's just an idiot through this whole movie. She's like a weird child. And it's like, at first, and these women are like grown women. They're older now than they were in the series

when they were adult women that were having these life experiences and everything. And it's like her behavior is unacceptable and no one is telling her that no one is saying like what are you doing you're not in high school why are you acting this way just sort of put themselves in this bubble they've painted themselves into a corner we have four of them just hanging out with each other yeah yeah no no there are no consequences for our actions yeah we are we do everything together and we make all decisions together. Somebody has a crisis, everyone has to be there at the same time. Drop everything.

We are 45 years old and willing to put every aspect of our lives on hold because one of our gals has a tiny rich person problem. And I can't speak to how they got along in the series, but it's very evident in this movie that they don't even like, as the characters, don't even like hanging out with each other anymore. And yet they insist on doing everything together, but they seem to regard each other like you again. What do I do?

Why do I have to be here with you? It seems to me like the characters are at the point and it's painfully apparent on screen that they're Richard, but no one else can stand them. So they just gravitate to the people who will stand them, which is each other. Like they're so shit. They're're on another level i feel like i'm heaping a lot of hate on and this is something that i was afraid of paul coming in is that i don't want uh the fact that guy and i've seen the movie 30 times before to color your opinion of the film some people

loved this movie sure they're not in the majority i I think, but you know. And I'll say this, I think it's possible to love a movie that you recognize is not a great movie. Yeah. Probably everybody has one of those where it's like, if you have a movie I love, if you challenge me on it I could say, no, you're absolutely right. It's garbage, but I still enjoy watching it very much. Have you got one off the top of your head? Not off the top of my head, but I know for a fact, I'll tell you this. When I was a kid, I loved Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, right? It's really not that good a movie. And I recognize

that watching it later in life, this is not that good, actually. There's a lot of problems with it, but it's still very enjoyable for me to watch. It's like ice cream. It can be enjoyable without being good. Do you know what our friend the Cookie Monster said? What's that? Now, this guy, he loves cookies, right? He does. He's a bit of a monster about them.

But even he had to admit eventually, cookies are a sometimes food, not an every time food. And that's from a monster about cookies. Who's still managed against all odds to curb his cookie eating habits. Exactly. He's like, alright,

I gotta lock this down. At some point. Do you have a movie that you recognize as being awful but you love? No. I like any,

I blindly like any movie Hugh Grant is in. Just on goodwill. He's a very watchable dude. Yeah. Not very watchable. I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure, um, a lot of those movies aren't that good, but like Hugh Grant seems okay. Do you know what's kind of a mean movie that I didn't realize at the time is Love Actually.

There's like a lot of weird fat jokes for no reason. Sure. But Love Actually is very hard to not like as well. It's very watchable. Very watchable. But man, oh man, that movie has some problems. Really? I haven't revisited it for years.

Well, the whole big romantic thing with Andrew Lincoln, the Walking Dead dude when he he makes the sign to show to his his friend this woman that he's in love with and she's just charmed by this it's terrifying it's so creepy it's extremely inappropriate and like what he writes it's like to me you are perfect I would never want anyone to say that to me like I know I'm not perfect. You have a skewed idea of who I am as a human being. And this is his big recovery after she finds out he's been filming her exclusively. Yes! He's hired as the wedding videographer. Yeah.

That's insane. Even the Cookie Monster eats cookies sometimes. Those aren't the moves of, like, a with it dude who you want to spend your life with. Yeah. I wouldn't go so far as a with it dude who you want to spend your life with. Yeah. I wouldn't go so far as to say psychopathic, but unbalanced. I would go so far as to say psychopathic. Are you single minded? I'd be terrified of that guy.

Do you have a bad, do you have one? Van Wilder. Oh yeah, you love Van Wilder. Van Wilder party liaison. And I can't explain it. I think it just, it just came. Right top of mind. Van Wilder.

There's something about Ryan Reynolds Which is He's a regular Hugh Grant In spite of every Kind of is In spite of everything That's thrown at him In that movie Which is

Not a superb cast Far from a good script Not really good at anything He still finds A way to shine With that Canadian charisma Tim made

Can't wait for Deadpool Tim made his Senior English class Study that as like an academic text. Oh yeah, in my MediaWorks class. How did you arrange that? How did you make people do that? The teacher took a shine to me and he said, Tim, whatever movie you pick, we're going to study for the final exams.

And I went, Van Wilder, Derek. And he said, okay, I've never seen it, but it sounds good. And then we watched it. And then the school got a letter from the government department that grades everyone saying hey I got a lot of essays about dog semen filled cream rolls this year maybe don't

do that again so you know that's what to happen when you put a student in charge of a media studies class yeah that was a bold call on the part of that picture. I think we can safely say that this movie doesn't sit in the same canon as any of those films.

This is like, this is just, it's an affront from top to bottom, side to side. And, you know, having listened to the podcast, I could tell you guys, obviously you guys were struggling with this in a way that you weren't with grownups too. And then I really felt it tonight. Like, I get it.

I get it. Oh, this is very sweet. This is, well, if it makes you feel better at all. It's understanding. It makes you feel less alone. But it's, the running time of this movie is in no way justified. In no way. Like, there is an hour to be cut out of this movie. Easily. And they just

keep doing the same, they keep resetting the same ideas again and again and again. It's like we get it. You don't have to do it again. Like I get what she's upset about. I get what she's upset about. I get it all. And it's on every level there could be some pretty harsh cutting to the film because one bit that really stuck out to me this time is fairly early on where they harsh cutting to the film because one bit that really stuck out to me this time is fairly early on where they're going to the premiere of Smith Garrett's movie and Carrie's at home trying to convince Big to go

even though he's had a big day at work because the market fell 100 points or whatever. And they show the sequence of her pouring the scotch for him and you see everything in real time. Every single step. Walk to the bar, open the bottle, pour the bottle into a glass, put the lid literally back on the decanter

and walk back with the glass. We don't need... Go to film class, motherfucker. We don't need to see every single bit of it. We get it. I tell you what, you have control over this fake apartment that you've built. Move that drinks cart closer to where he is.

Put it where he sits. Yeah, put it right there. That would make sense anyway. I wouldn't question it. Well, why wouldn't you want it there if that drinks cart closer to where he is. Put it where he sits. Yeah. Put it right there. It would make sense anyway. I wouldn't question it. Well, why wouldn't he want it there if that's where he sits? Michael Patrick King, sort of the execs,

told him, we need two hours and 30 minutes of movie. I don't get how much pot you've got. What other explanation could there be? He runs along and dumps the problem on the set. He's like, all the rooms, everything is far away

from everything else that's possible. I want an extra 10 seconds in every goddamn scene of this movie. Tell you what, though, Paul, there were some genuine, a couple of little chuckles from you. And I don't think for the right reasons. But perhaps along the film. Perhaps not. This film kicked the shit out of me so bad. I'm trying to remember where the really early ones were at the front of the film.

There was some weird visual takes that people had. There were some weird reactions that people had to lines that caught me off guard. That whole wedding at the beginning seems like a million years ago. It's like a world away. This movie really does feel like you watched a double feature. Like you watched two completely separate movies.

Yeah. That whole wedding sequence. Even they have a hard time justifying things like, oh, these two guys are getting married. Oh, I thought they hated each other. Yeah, they did. Yeah. They totally did. And now we will disregard it and not return to them at all.

That's right. Off screen, between movies, they have completely fallen in love and they're getting married now. Do you think it's possible, much like the Wachowskis' approach to making the second two Matrix movies, this was intended to be Sex and the City 2 and 3, and then they just decided to release it at the same time? Throwing it out there. I don't know. I haven't heard anything. But the Matrix movies, there were three of them.

Were there supposed to be four of them? There were supposed to be two, is my understanding. Oh, I see. So the studio said to the Wachowskis, it's a trilogy. And they said, nope, it's two movies. And they said, nope, it's a trilogy. And the Wachowskis said, okay, watch this. And it was the worst sequel anyone's ever seen to such a great initial film.

Are you saying the Wachowsk's made those movies terrible on purpose? Not necessarily. In every subsequent movie. They're still mad about one studio? How dare you? But I feel like they kind of overreached a little bit. So this could have been a kill bill situation where it should have been split into two

movies. Yes. The way we're talking about it now is warranting the film existing in the first place i i get i get that it's a property that people enjoy and i get that the first movie was very successful and i get that you want to visit with your pals again and all that but i i it would surprise me it surprises me anytime i hear people who were fans of the show that enjoyed this movie. Because the first one I get the excitement of,

it's a reunion, here's our pals again and everything, despite the way they treat the characters. There's an extended shit joke in the first one where Charlotte is addicted to this yogurt. She keeps eating this yogurt. And then it gives her this horrible explosive diarrhea. She shits her pants in front of her friends, and they all laugh at her.

Wait, really? Yes. Charlotte York shits her pants in the first movie. Yes, she does. And there's a big gag of the first film. It's a big, hilarious set piece of the film. I thought that was a bit much in Bridesmaids. I love that movie, but when she takes the dump in the middle of the street. I thought that was a bit much in Bridesmaids. Like, I love that movie, but

when she takes the dump in the middle of the street in the bridal dress, I was like, a little much for me. Categorically and arguably, that is hilarious. A bit much for me. But the sex in the city in the movie? Charlotte doing it in the first movie sounds funny to me also. But it's like they hate the character.

It's weird. Do we like her or not? Are we glad this is happening to her? It's really strange because the other characters are treating it like, ha ha, you had this coming to you. Karma, bitch. But look, we're not here to talk about Sex and the City 1.

That's true. Well, let me relate it back. So the first movie seems like it was a lovely wrap on the property. It's like, one more time, everyone. We're going to wrap this thing up, put a bow on it. Because also my understanding of the ending of it is it's sort of like, and they lived happily ever after.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you never write, and now we're going to tell you how. That's why this second one, it seems so cynical. Because you just see the money everyone's making at every point along the way which surprised me why it's so long yeah because you would think you'd just be like cool 90 minutes let's bang it out people let's get it done it really is it really does feel like this i think it's always the uh the the trouble you face with a known property and trying to split the difference between doing it for the fans who know these people intimately

and, like, well, there's people that are going to be visiting this world for the first time or whatever. And I feel like, my feeling is you always should err on the side of, let's remember there's going to be people that have no idea who these people are. I don't know, with a second movie, I guess you earn the right to just make it directly for the fans, but knowing you have a built-in audience.

But still, still, it was just like... But you have to do something with it as well. Yes! You can't just release a plane trip. Yeah. That's two and a half hours long. And the writing in this, it's so crazily, I don't know that it's lazy. It seems poorly conceived more than anything.

I mean, you know the story of how it got written, though, right? Yeah. Well, Michael Patrick King was thrown into a hole with, was it brandy and cigars? Old manner of whiskey and cigars. Yeah, you got it. So a man under duress is liable to. Yeah, and accordingly, some of it is forgivable. And every once in a while they just yell down the hole, more puns.

Yeah. Of which he wasn't great when he started, and they steadily decrease in quality as the film proceeds. Man, the puns in this movie holy shit like there's some it's beyond just groaners like oh whatever you weren't a fan of that's the worst that's the absolute worst midwife crisis the midwife midwife crisis doesn't even make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. Because if there were a midwife character in the movie, I would grant you midwife crisis. Oh, whoa. You mean like midwifery?

Yeah. That never occurred to me. That's the only way it would make sense. Because, okay, midlife crisis. I know what that is. She's a wife and she's having a hard time. Okay, I get that. Those two things still, that doesn't translate to a joke.

It doesn't make sense. How right you are. It is really, it's the bare minimum of wordplay. Like, these things kind of sound like each other. Throw it in there. We're getting pretty down in the dumps here. I want to ask you my sweet prince, my angel. Yeah.

And I'll tell you what, you haven't given me a kiss this episode. I'm jonesing for one. I'll give you a little kiss. Yeah. Oh. I got to see it in person. One across the room. A kiss is always a gift.

My shining light? Yeah, I'd love to hear that. Shining light time. There was a. I made some notes. One of the extras in the karaoke bar, he looks a lot like former Canterbury rugby great Con Barrel, who was a prop.

And I saw him, I saw it once and I thought, who looks like this? Sorry. Which extra? He's sitting when the girls are walking up to sing I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar. There's a table of three guys. And they walk past him and I was looking at this one guy,

he goes, that looks kind of like Con Barrel. He's not like, he's not a particularly well-known former rugby player. Did he play at the national level? He might have got a few caps for the All Blacks but he was a stalwart of the Canterbury Type 5. And I was like, that looks a bit like Con Barrel. Maybe that'll be my showing. And then I thought, no,

it's not enough. But then he's in frame when they walk away from the stage. I'm like, that really does look a lot like Con Barrel. Did that leave credibility to the fact that maybe it was and that's why they needed to keep him on screen a little longer? Well, I'd imagine he's probably at the hotel in some sort of coaching capacity for the Rugby World Cup. Of course.

Sure. Not a smart guy. He's been ironically conned. I don't know how he's mixed up in the whole thing. But anyway, to see Con Barrel doing so well for himself post-rugby was a joy. That's one of the best shining lights I've heard from you in quite a while. It was a bleak watch, but that really did.

Are you going to research it? Are you going to find out if it truly was? Absolutely not, Conberry. But it was enough the thought that he would be doing so well. I want some career averages from that man on the next episode. That would be good. Paul. Yes.

Enlighten me with your shiningness. There were a few contenders. Oh. I did like that at the wedding in the beginning when they had the microphones to do the vows, there was no feedback on the microphones because a pet peeve of mine is it seems impossible to see a microphone in a movie without there being even a second of feedback it's like the sound guys are like how are they going to know that they're talking through a microphone i better put some feedback in there right so i was like

admirable restraint so if i can just hit pause for one second yeah your first shining light the first thing that was your favorite bit of the movie is something that was not in the movie yes exactly in the absence. Yes, exactly. The absence of something. Shades of you enjoying when there were no airplanes and growing up. The little Charlotte's youngest baby. Rosa. Rosa. She reminded me of

I thought she looked like Kristen Schaal. So that was a pleasant association for me. Shades of Con Barrel there. Absolutely. kind of looked like Kristen Schaal. So that was a pleasant association for me. But I think... Shades of Con Barrel, there. Absolutely. She's like a little miniature baby, Kristen Schaal.

But I think my absolute shining light was when they were on the plane and somebody says something kind of risque, there's some little dirty joke when they're at the bar. When Samantha says, I've had four people in my bed? Yes. And the bartender

does a physical take with a glass, like bangs a glass because she's kind of flustered, but totally deadpan. And it was very, very well done. I was like, good for you, little lady. That was a great take. That's gotten laughs out of me

and I imagine Tim multiple times before. She does it perfectly. I'll tell you what, week to week, that lady's turning in out of me and I imagine Tim multiple times before. She does it perfectly. I'll tell you what, week to week, that lady's turning in one of the strongest performances in the film. But also what you've brought up in the past is the attention to sound design in that moment because there is a very beautiful, crisp little chink of the glass almost like a gong for a punchline.

I'll tell you what it's like. It's like when you're playing hearts on the computer on your old Microsoft and the first heart is played and there's that breaking of glass sort of sound. Indicating that the game is afoot. Yeah. Someone's going to be shooting the moon. The card stands out there. You can take that one all the way to the bank.

Tim, may I ask? I know I'm the guest here, and forgive me if this is rude. Not at all. What is your shining light this time? I love a man who takes charge, and Paul F. Tompkins, you are no exception. My shining light this week is, I was just trying to reference which, I'm looking at my notes at the moment to make sure I've got the scene right. Oh, that's right.

Okay, so it's when they're in... It doesn't matter anyway. It's when they're in Abu Dhabi, and Samantha has just got off the phone with Bay Doon, who is the head guy in charge of the... He's like the clerk. He's great, by the way. He's very good. That guy's really good.

There's weird moments where there's some people that are acting in this movie in these small roles and they're like, that's great. That person seems like a real person. Very small. What's the word I'm looking for? Natural. Like the sheik at the beginning who convinces her to come over.

That guy's great. He's good. Yeah, I don't know. He's made some good choices. Compared to what everybody else is doing. Yeah, but compared to Baydun. Baydun's in a league of his own. Of course he is. He's the Baydun own. Of course he is. Like, get that man to the globe. He's the Beidoun standard.

He is. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So Beidoun is phoning down the room charge because they've just been cancelled all of their free accommodation. And in that scene, Samantha is wearing a belt buckle, which looks to me a lot like it has been wrapped in Duracell, which is something you put over the top of your books. I don't know what the brand name is in America,

but in New Zealand it's Duracell, that you put to protect your exercise books when you go to primary school. A lot of times we would do, they would sell book covers that you just fold and put on there, and they would have all the presidents on them or something like that. Or we would just cut up a brown paper bag. What's the rap though that you put over the plastic adhesive? I know what you mean, but I think

that came along. Look, I'm a good deal older than you guys and maybe that was an innovation You come from the brown paper bag over a book That's right. That did make it sound like I was alive during the depression. Why not just put the book in the bag and carry them around like that? That's what the bag is for.

What we used to do is 22 miles in the snow uphill barefoot both ways, and we'd spit on our books to protect them. Mr. and Mrs. Tompkins are coming in. You're covering all your books. That's right, Paul. You're doing great. I remember for lunch we used to put a rock in a pot of boiling water

soften it up the belt buckle has shades of that specifically reflective Duracell material and it took me back to my

childhood for a brief moment I wasn't watching the movie anymore and I relished the escapism all of our shining lights

involved us not being involved with the movie funny that now Paul every time that we get a The escapism. All of our shining lights involved us not being involved with the movie. Funny that. Now, Paul, every time that we get a special guest on, we like to do a little segment where you pitch the movie to Guy and myself. Absolutely.

Who are movie financiers. We are very wealthy movie makers. Absolutely. But we're also tasteful. Certainly. We're not just to throw our money around willy- movie makers. Absolutely. But we're also tasteful. Certainly. We're not just to throw our money around willy-nilly. Certainly. So you'll appreciate that our time is precious.

No, of course. Welcome. Thank you very much for seeing me. And I'm not going to take up a lot of your time, gentlemen. Appreciate that. And I don't think I need to because I think what I have is a surefire money-making box office smash. I'm all ears. Are you familiar with the TV show Sex and the City?

Yes. My girlfriend and I watch it a lot. Right? That's what girlfriends do. They love it. You're telling us. Now, are you familiar with the movie Sex and the City? Now, that I know is out there I have not seen.

It's based on a television show, and it's very similar to it in a lot of ways. What if I told you... Their stories are not finished. I would call you a filthy fucking liar, and I would order you out of my office immediately. And you'd be right to do so, except I have the proof right here. Remember those two gay guys on the show? Oh, sure. Anthony and the other one.

Stanford. Yeah, and Stanford. Remember how they hated each other? Oh, yeah. They really didn't care for each other, those guys. I cannot imagine anything enabling them to bury the hatchet. I mean, those guys were

at each other's necks. Yeah, they couldn't stand each other. Yeah. We open on their wedding. What? Yeah! We're turning the sex in the city world on its ear. Everything is different now.

Now, I appreciate your excitement. Your eyes are as wide as saucers. Yeah. They're as wide as saucers are. Yeah. The thing is, we've got a lot of fans of the show and the movie, and it doesn't, for us, I think, make a lot of sense to just tear up all the goodwill we've built. So you're shaking your head.

Can I say this? And I say this with all due respect. Audiences, they're dumb. You've got to stay a couple steps ahead of them and tell them what it is they want to see. When people were watching Sex and the City, they weren't thinking, oh, I want to see them go to the desert and preach about oppressive regimes. Well,

guess what? Yeah, I do really know the audience weren't asking for that. They were not asking for that. They don't know. It's like, for Christmas, you get a present. Maybe you're asking for one thing. I want the same thing I like year after year. Spaghetti, like always. Yeah, I want spaghetti for Christmas. Give me spaghetti for Christmas, please. Then one year you get pajamas. You weren't expecting that. It's not Christmas. But it's what you need. And what we need is to see these women go over, try to impose their views

and morals on a foreign culture. All right, I'm going to need it. So far I've got bizarro sex in the city one. Give me more. They're in the desert. They're wearing pajamas presumably for a lot of the film. There's spaghetti involved. I feel as if I probably shouldn't have mentioned pajamas in the Christmas analogy

because I feel as if you're maybe taking it literally. I did not mean to suggest that. You really got me here on this pajama hook. I will say this. There are scenes where we wear pajamas for sure. That will happen. That is a very heavy compromise. Spaghetti? Where are we on the spaghetti? How do you feel about Asian noodles? Very similar to spaghetti in the same neighborhood, but unexpected. I'll do it.

Good news. I can guarantee Sobu Noodles will be a sponsor that is ridiculed in the film. So we have it both ways. First, we have a beauty shot where we get a close-up of the bag, but then also our main character says, I don't want to eat that. Let's go out and eat. You know, I really like that. In the industry, we call that having our noodles and eating them too.

There we go. You guys understand me. I think we're on the same wavelength here. What are you foreseeing as a duration? And I know it's a little early to start spitballing about these sorts of things, but how long do you anticipate a movie like this taking? Maybe 90 minutes is the average for something like this? Now, an average episode of the TV show Sex and the City was

22 minutes. The running time of the first film, probably in the neighborhood of 90 minutes. Do you see how it keeps getting longer each time? Yeah, once. I mean, a movie and a television show are two completely different... And one movie and a television show are two completely different. Yeah, I mean. And one movie and another movie are also completely different things. Oh. So, and this is another movie. It's not the first movie.

So it stands to reason this one should be longer than the first one. Like 95 minutes, 96 minutes. For starters. It's an entree. Why don't you throw another 60 minutes on top of that? Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to leave on that. That is outrageous.

I mean, what could possibly justify that kind of a length? No plot. You've said we're changing the game. No plot. No plot, sir. I've heard a bit of plot. I've heard a little bit. You'll have to excuse my comrade.

Did you forget about the pajamas? No one's forgetting about the pajamas. I mean, while I would like to see them in their pajamas. And you will. They've got to be doing something. What do we have here? Just a woman in pajamas eating noodles with new personalities. Here's what they're doing.

They're being fabulous about gay weddings in the beginning. Like, you know how Carrie married Mr. Big? And then he starts the movie by saying the phrase gay wedding over and over and over again to the point where you think he's a despicable bigot. And why is our hero married to him? This seems uncomfortable and i don't like it ah it's all worth it for the smallest of jokes that is to follow almost immediately after like once you're at the point where you're you're disliking big for um constantly pointing out that they're gay, gay, gay, then we have a joke where Carrie agrees, yes, they are indeed gay.

This is all pretty gay. Well, it sounds like we're going to be treating a fine line here. And I like to live on the edge. Look, I wasn't sold on the two and a half hour run time earlier, but you've really got this across the line. Okay, I've got one of you on board now.

I feel like you're still on the fence. I am. Charlotte. Remember Charlotte? Oh, yeah, yeah. Charlotte. All she wanted to do was be a wife and a mother. In this movie, she hates both those things.

She is easily swayed by one of her good friends into thinking that her husband, whom we barely see, don't worry about it, he's going to cheat on her at any moment with their gorgeous, non-bra wearing nanny. We've got a lot of elements. We've got a lot of moving parts now. I'm interested. Exactly. Exactly. Hey, how about Miranda? Right? Great character. She had a great arc

on the show and a lot to do in the first movie. In this movie, she's basically good at just the type things she read in a travel book. Well, you know we're both huge Pokemon fans, so this sits very well. Did you say you're Pokemon fans? Well, I'm getting shades of Professor Oak if I'm being honest. Oh, can I tell you something? I'm getting shades of Professor Oak, if I'm being honest. Can I tell you something?

I'm basing her entire character plotline on Professor Oak. How many millions do you want? Because at this point, you've got me over a barrel, and let me just sign the check with my budget. My only concern is that two and a half hours isn't long enough to explore all of these exciting avenues of entertainment you are laying down. Here's what I can promise you, and I give you my word as a filmmaker, because I take very seriously this business

and the money that you're entrusting to me to make what I would say passes for art. This movie will be two and a half hours long, but it will feel ten times longer. Done. Shake my hand, young man. Oh. We've got ourselves a deal.

This is a proud day. This is a proud day. We're going to write out a blank check here. You just put in there whatever you feel is appropriate to get this across the line. It's all yours. And thus concludes the pitch. Yeah. Very well sold

I hope that's how it went as well oh my god well I wonder what the vetting process was for this film if any in terms of people involved or the writers yeah because to make a movie to make any kind of thing

where money is at stake in show business it goes through so many people yeah so many people have to sign off on this that and the other thing that how many people what was the original script like this you know what i mean we're gonna we're gonna punch that up a little oh my god like how how massive must that screenplay have been the first script that michael patrick king submitted was just drawings crayon crayon they take up a lot of page yeah

I feel like with something that has the strength of Sex and the City and the weight of Sarah Jessica Parker as the executive producer on that script

no one's reading that until it comes to shooting and then you can tell that's why everyone's kind of a little reserved with their acting except for Baydoun everyone's like

whoa Jesus I didn't read this this is why we're going to be in trouble here well not everyone is reserved with their acting there are scenes in this movie where sarah jessica parker it is like you know those you know those toys where you you push the base in and then the thing flops around and then you release it and spring back up like she the shit that she's doing with her body, it's insane.

Like, hey, calm down. Just say the words. But she's got money. She's got skin in the game. Of course. She's got points. That's what it feels like. It feels like I got to really sell the shit out of this.

I'm carrying this. Oh, my God. If you'll excuse the pun. Her and Kim Cattrall are, like, going insane. Her and Kim Cattrall are going insane. There's the scene where Kim Cattrall is being held after she kisses Dick Spurt on the beach, and then she's sitting there, and she's getting so upset. It's like she becomes a silent movie actress,

where it's so crazily over the top, and her gesture's like, she might as well be holding the back of her hand to her forehead and clutching a handkerchief. I say Mr. Spurr, except that's all just in subtitles. Now may I say as an American, your first American guest on this season? I believe possibly ever. Yeah. When Ricard Spurt says to Samantha, after she finds out his name is Richard

and she instantly says so your name is Dick Spurt and he says could you be any more American I take that personally I'm personally insulted because it's like hey not every American would have said that you know what I mean

if this guy had said my name is Ricard Spurt, I wouldn't have said, oh, Dick Spurt. Okay, so let me counter that just briefly. Sure. They've spent almost an entire film lampooning and belittling the Middle East. Yes. I think you've got to chuck a few other cultures under the grinder just to kind of even the score a little bit. I guess that makes some sense.

If you offend everyone, it kind of takes the heat off of it a little bit. It takes the sting off. Equal opportunity offender, I guess. Sure. You see the vibe I'm on. This brings me to my favorite. This is the one scene that I remembered from the movie the first time I saw it. When the gals are escaping the conservative Arab men who are going have them their heads chopped off or whatever for

waving condoms around um and the uh they're saved by the women in the burqas who then reveal that they're wearing like the fall fashion line under their burqas which that's there's been so much talk about how hot it is there they're wearing essentially two sets of clothes yeah but they they they take this shit off they take the burkas off and they realize then they reveal they have these ridiculous outfits on underneath and it's there's no sense of irony about a different kind of cultural enslavement. Yes. No one. How in this movie is there no. There's like completely tone deaf of like, how is this better?

That's not better. Paul gets it. And this. It's ridiculous. This is a movie that came out in 2010. So like this is post Iraq and Afghanistan and nations. Stuff's happening in the world when this movie is released. It's not released into a vacuum.

Things have not gone well. There is context and things, as you rightly say, have not gone well. Yes. And just the fuck you of what has occurred in the film. The metaphor of, oh, thank God you're not really Muslim. It turns out you are the consumerist pig dog Americans that we are as well, underneath it all. Consumers, but also, you're just as much of a victim of a

different kind of exploitation of women and this thing. And it's like, look, I like clothes and clothes are fun and fashion is ridiculous and everything like that. But it struck me as very weird that it's like,

I'm going to put myself in uncomfortable clothes. Yeah, for no gain as well, because they didn't anticipate running into these women and getting their kid off halfway through the day. So they're just walking around like that. Exactly. They're walking around like they're wearing two sets of clothes. Sweating their asses off for no reason.

They keep it together very well, though. They really did. They look cool as a bunch of cucumbers. Great stuff there from us and Paul left us as well. I thought we were doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Yeah, that's a good point. Paul, if you can hear this,

why don't you do some push-ups or something to work on those arms, those tris, those bis, all of the muscles. By the way, we're back in the car now and we're just here to inform you that it was the all of the muscles. By the way, we're back in the car now, and we're just here to inform you that that was the first of the two-parter for PFT, and in all seriousness, good God, what a gentleman,

what a guy, what an absolute delight to be hanging out with. Shout out to Big Pipe again, remember the offer, bigpipe.co.nz, when you sign up you can get a month free with the code WORSTIDEA, no contracts, no throttling of your speed, $79 a month. Or your neck.

I can't emphasize that enough. Yeah. Broadband not available everywhere. Bring your own modem, because they're not going to give you one, because that's part of the cost savings, because you're not a dum-dum. You know how to get good internet. That's right. And for all you Americans frantically trying to redeem this coupon online,

stop doing it. You're not getting our fabulous internet. We'll be back. The second part of this episode will be up very soon, and you're going to love it. So catch you soon, ding-dongs. A lot of D words in there. It's the worst idea of all time.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season two.