The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Seven - Drowning

Episode Date: November 4, 2015

Guy's in Melbourne, Tim's in New Zealand. The latter of the boys has strayed and briefly bailed to the glorious internet during this watch as he just couldn't take it anymore. Off the back of this diversion, we've got some IMDB facts about the film this week. A frank discussion on the nature of death by drowning, another chapter in the Brady v Dickdot battle and a flick through Big's Big Book of Ideas ensues. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Hello, welcome to the worst idea Idea of All Time episode number 37 Our three dozenth watch of Sex and the City 2 My name is Tim Baird My name is Guy Montgomery And we have now officially spent more time in the company of Carrie and the Gals

Than we did with Lenny Fader and the Boys I'm coming to you from Auckland, New Zealand. I am coming to you live from Melbourne, Australia. I like that you just say live now. We're so used to hearing newscasters and sports reporters saying I'm coming to you live from places that we say it when it is completely untrue. I still think it is live because, I mean, how else am I doing it?

You are live. Yeah. So you've got the majority. Every episode of the podcast we've recorded has been live. Guy, you're over in Aussie doing comedy at the moment. In fact, if I rushed to get this out, would you want to plug anything right up the top? You mean if you get it out today? Yeah.

Yeah. Let's say that happens i'm doing a gig called dirty secrets at kaz ray tops dirty secrets in collingwood this evening it's a bar and i'm doing a show at the european beer cafe tomorrow night on exhibition street um it'll probably kaz ray tops is awesome too yeah you're a big fan i did a live podcast last night for a guy called justin hamilton who's a legend called can you take this photo please uh and that episode has just gone live and i do some stand-up in that and we have a chat and i talk

about the podcast it's quite good fun how cool are you um well let's get some other book work out of the way i would like to say thank you so much to Big Pipe, Big Pipe Broadband, who are sponsoring this week's episode. They want me to pass on to you a couple of things. They want me to let you know a couple of things. Can you please dress this up and make it not look like you're just reading T's and C's from an email? Well, what I can tell you is I'm on Big Pipe and I like them.

What I can tell you is that'm on big pipe and I like that what I can tell you is that no one uh who works for big pipe or as a family member or is in any way affiliated with anyone at big pipe has ever strangled me uh threatened my windpipe or sort of laid hands on me and that is that's part of their policy that's written into the policy no throttling so very focused on the no throttling. There's no data caps either, so I guess that means if you've got a hat that you wear on your head made of ones and zeros, they will ban it.

They will banish it from your hat. Or if it just says the word data. Also, there's a good novelty hat, bro. What? A data cap? A hat that says the word data.. A hat that says the word data. Should we get them off the production line? Okay, well, what are we going to do with this one?

No term contracts. No term contracts. They won't give internet to school children. They steadfastly refuse. A reach. Look, the fact of the matter is they're fucking awesome yeah now they are awesome though they're excellent and if you use the word worst idea when you sign up to them um it helps us out and it helps you out because you get a month's free internet so it's nothing but a good

thing as always if you're not new zealand go fuck yourself bigpipe.co.nz. Guy, I took so many notes this time because, and look, I have to kick this off with a frank admission. I definitely went on my phone during this one. And I tried to not as much as possible. And I got through like at least the first hour and a half, like pretty much without going on my phone at all. And then I just needed a couple of quick hits as Instagram and check out what was going on twitter i i completely understand it um like i went on the my phone as well i think

we're good at policing each other but there's no one in the room it's like it's two and a half hours it's just it's too much um yeah i i sent you a message a dm on twitter when there was 45 minutes you went on facebook so we were obviously using the right it didn't get through but do you know what i started doing when i could see myself losing interest and about to go on my phone again i just increased the volume a bit more so by the end of the film like this thing was just fucking thumping in my head like rocking the room i picked up some really nice off mic work um like really strong in fact and i'm probably we might kick it off with the shining light right now and because this this was it um so first of all uh when miranda and carrie are at the

the souk and like it's the first shot, and they're just leaving the spice market where they're buying spices. Miranda just throws in a chakran, which is, I hope that's right, the thank you that she's talking about on the plane, she throws it in to thank the spice merchant when they're leaving. Yeah, that's what she says in the karaoke bar as well, when she orders the drink, chakran, very much. heard like i hadn't heard that one and i was so impressed and i was like oh there's i mean i still don't think they should be buying these spices i don't know why

miranda's buying so many fucking spices uh and then also when they're being led into the room by the ladies uh after the condom incident and there's some really good nervous off mic stuff from charlotte which is going uh-oh okay and then miranda follows it up with her all right here we go and i mean this is stuff that you know a lot of people wouldn't get and my gift to you this week uh kind listener and tim is twofold first of all it is these off mic tips tips. And secondly, tis a kiss. For a kiss is always a gift. The fact that these characters have been with these women,

these actors, for so long. That's how you get the depth of, uh-oh, here we go. Let's go. That's how you really nail that in a character, by just being completely of and in the character for 20 years. How long did it be? I think it came out in the 90s i mean yeah 20 sounds oh 95 sounds 10 years 10 years 10 years not 10 not 20 um ah what's up that's uh i did do you know what in

all of the notes that i took i didn't take down shining light, so I'll have to think of that a little bit later on. But something that made me really sad, like a low light, if you will, is because you know how Charlotte is talking to Runkle about the babysitter? Yeah. And he's like, well, if we brought the babysitter, that's what the babysitter's for. You're not going to go and tend to the child if the babysitter's here. I mean the nanny.

And then we meet the nanny, and she said, I heard it was a glorious wedding, which is so fucking sad, because it means this nanny was just cooped up with these kids in this bedroom while this incredibly lavish ceremony was going on, and I got a real Cinderella vibe from it, which would make Charlotte one of the ugly stepsisters,

I guess, by extension. It just really bummed me out. I understand that but you've got to look at it as a professional contract, Tim. They brought the nanny, she's on the clock, she's being paid for her job as a nanny. She's not like I mean, obviously it would be nice if the nanny got to go and swan around the wedding

but that's not the nature of this relationship. It just feels like in New Zealand we wouldn't do that. know of course the movie is not god's own we wouldn't get we wouldn't get away it doesn't matter how rich you are you wouldn't get away with that kind of behavior you bring your nanny down you get her some cake when the cake gets cut yeah no that's absolutely true but this movie is not set in reality that's true or new zealand uh speaking of that actually the nanny and the wedding and the

when they so there's that shot that famous shot uh which features the runkle crunkle when it sort of pans up uh it's showing what's happening in the bedrooms and samantha is just fucking dominating this dude and uh then it goes to the room with runkle and charlotte and the two kids and first of all i haven't really noticed before they have taken so many toys away for this wedding it is like yeah i honestly that was there's almost like a separate car's worth of gear no one's playing with any of the toys the kids are still fucking miserable and charlotte's cradling r Rosa Rose and she's like saying please

just she's like isn't even hugging her into her body and she's saying please sleep please sleep please sleep it's like some of the worst parenting like I understand you know she might be at her wits end with not knowing how to get this child to sleep but like there's just so much basic

stuff like bring her into your body. Ask her what's going on. Yeah, and adjust your tone. She wonders why these kids are freaking out. This is what I kept thinking about during the scene where her and Miranda are having cocktails and spinning stories about how much they hate their kids, which is fine.

But the kids that Charlotte has, they're both picking up on her neuroses, and so they're spinning themselves out. Like, if she was a more chill parent, they'd be fine. They're so nervous, though, because she's so stressed out. When they're in intermediate English class

and they start getting taught features of the English language, like metaphors and similes and idioms and anything, they are going to be at sea. Like, they will take everything in their life at face value. Every sentence that's spoken to them is the God's honest truth. She's sending these kids back years. They could be poets or authors.

Came up with something, this watch guy. Something occurred to me. So we've got a middle eastern multi-millionaire hotelier that's decided he's entering the film business for no reason in particular this guy's got close connections to a shake at the this huge like that that party that launched party for the movie that the red carpet event too much right too much money was being spent on that thing suddenly we've got a representative from the bank of madrid attending like what the fuck is going on with this movie i reckon there is some black market shenanigans happening i think it's um

they're laundering money heart of dessert. It's a restaurant launch. So one of the places that I tripped off to during the watch of the movie on my phone was IMDB for Sex and the City 2. Amazed I have not done that in the first 37 weeks of this. But did you know that they referred to this project

as Heart of the Desert as it's like secret code name when they were talking about it so no one got wind that it was Sex and the City 2 oh wow I did not know that it's true I think I might have read that and forgotten about it did you also read the piece of trivia that Kim Cattrall would show up on a wedding dress

yeah to try and trick everyone into thinking she was the one getting married I like that like obviously it was a wasted energy because the whole movie is a steaming hot pile of garbage my favorite um bit of imdb like gotcha moment is someone's written in like the um what are they called like a blooper thing yeah like are we on the page what yeah man yeah we're on the page i want everyone to vote us up a little bit more, though. I want to be higher on the page. I'm so proud of us.

And whoever put that entrance in for us. It says, at the beginning of the movie, Carrie says she arrived at 3.30 Tuesday, June 11th, 1986. June 11th, 1986 is actually a Wednesday. Suffering your bloody jocks. Yeah, absolutely suffering your jocks. But without question, I've got to share this with you. The best bit of my adventures into IMDB for Sex and the City 2 was,

so I was like reading all the trivia, seeing all the other stuff, and then it says nominated and won for eight awards. Would you like me to read what awards they won? Yeah, sure. They won the, whatever the EDA special mention award is for Hall of Shame for both Michael Patrick King and Sarah Jessica Parker. Nominated Sexist Pig Award for Michael Patrick King.

The Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association association they got nominated for campy film of the year uh and at the razzie's they won burst act uh worst actress in a four-way tie they won um worst screen couple and it's got instead of any names it just says the entire cast worst prequel remake ripoff or sequel they won that one as well and they also got nominated for um liza minnelli got nominated for worst supporting actress uh worst director mpk mkb picture and worse screenplay liza minnelli doesn't deserve to be dragged down in that lot She doesn't bang up I hate that scene so much now

but she does it You loved it the first one man. I mean that's how many times you're meant to see it What I love though is the guy I've forgotten his name already but the guy who played Steve he got wind that he might be in contention for worst on screen couple and he said I've never won an award in my

life, I would really like to go up and accept this and make a speech, but he didn't win it. Steve, he's such a goddamn legend. He's such an excellent dude. Such a fucking legend. Other things I noticed, Tim,

I've got scores of notes here as well. Take me through uh just the ham-fisted condescension to the audience right out of the gates it's like there's no um trust from mkp that we can figure things out like the visual cues syncing up with uh carries narrative so when she says time is a funny thing a second can you know flash by or whatever and there's just a slow panning up zoom onto like a whole feature wall of clocks oh yeah like a dozen different clocks yeah and um in the jewelry store yeah and i was just yeah i noticed it it's a visual metaphor that is meaningless and entirely unnecessary

because it's like visually articulating the exact words that she's saying. It doesn't add any new information. But didn't they do exactly the same thing at the wedding when it's like a little while later, while there's a shot of the running order of the wedding? Yeah. Just fucking like, come on. It's really bad storytelling, is what it is.

It's not MKP's best work. Has he done anything outside of Sex and the City? You find out. You Google that. Meanwhile, I want to throw some more shit at you, bro. By all means. You're a real piece of shit. Yes.

And I wish that you would wear a shirt when we did these podcasts. I'm in a sleeping bag on a couch We really have made it So in the intro Everyone's entrance to this movie He created Two Broke Girls That is one of the like Most slammed TV series in a while just for it's like it's so brash i

haven't actually seen it but it did well uh it's still going yeah two two broke girls and then i don't know a bunch of shit i don't know about i did some stuff for will and grace larry david kirby enthusiasm oh he was in it. He played a bit part as an HBO publicist in Curb Your Enthusiasm. What season? I don't know. It's a very small part. I'll look it up later.

So, like, Carrie was working in Bloomingdale's. No, Rachel Green worked in Bloomingdale's. From Friends. No, Carrie carrie yeah at the start she says i was working in a blooming dales and miranda was crying in the dressing room right yeah so we know that that carrie originally was working in a blooming dales um miranda said when she's on the plane this is bigger than my first apartment so we know that she came from some humble beginnings as well and uh also at the start of the movie she says samantha was a bartender at zbgb's so like all of them were working class ladies who have entirely forgotten the struggle and just treat all of the service the servers like shit wherever they go and it really fucks me off because it's like as someone who's worked at call

centers parahent play i will always treat people on the phone pretty well because i know that it is an absolutely wretched existence oh and so you would think that these ladies would remember like back in the day working in a clothing store was hard working in a bar was no like carrie's got a good relationship with the uh lady at the store who's like i've been cheating on fashion with furniture there's like a bit of a back and forth and a friendly tone i i get your point like they're not good people but i don't think they disregard everyone they're like and you know i mean samantha's just a bloody rambunctious hero so she's gonna i think her behavior towards white stuff will fluctuate wildly between being

a legend and a bit of a poopy butthole head yeah poopy butthole is a word that comes to my mind as well mr poopy butthole uh i'm in a weird zone this watch i feel like um there's a part of my body that's accepted that i'm watching this forever yeah i i know to what you are referring it was kind of weird i thought it was yeah it's kind of like um having something just gently dragging you like some sort of extra piece of gravity some sort of extra force just pulling you pulling you down i think it's like uh how i've heard drowning being described that you kind of thrash around for a long time and then the moment just before you die you sort of accept it and it's actually sort of like a peaceful way to go yeah people's i mean this is research which is insane to me because

you know so many people are walking around with the half fact they're like oh no drowning's a great way to go so here you are talking to me on land like fucking go do some research and then we'll have a conversation i mean that has come from people who uh believe that they came basically as close as you can come to death or died medically for a bit and then were brought back. But I don't know, man. I don't know about all that. Like, if you say that you medically died, well, you didn't. If you're still here, you didn't die.

No, you can... You know what I mean? People say, like, I died for three minutes. It's like, well... They did die. You didn't... But that's only because we're defining dead as, like, your heart but i think if you come back from it you never really died because dying is when you say what you didn't die you just like unlocked a new level of sleep there you go yeah

so those are like these people aren't survivors who have survived death these are people like it's a very it's an upper echelon of society hey listen i don't want to take away from anyone whose heart stopped for any amount of time it's a hell of a ride i imagine and exceptionally dangerous i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy but i'm just saying like all these people we say he died briefly it's like well fucking he's still here so did he did he die i understand i don't think he did he's not dead's not dead. Tim, who is your worst enemy? Who is my worst enemy? I don't know. I'm not sure that I have one.

Do you not think that's a shame that we don't have enemies? I don't know that you don't have an enemy. I don't have an enemy. No, I don't think I've got one should we seek out an enemy a shared enemy we could just make each other our enemies oh we've got it yeah I don't know about that it would be a shortcut yeah well look I like you like it's a

weird one it's a weird relationship but i'm pretty into you thanks man it's all the weirder because um we've got video skype up so i can see you without your shirt on yeah so you're delivering that um for all i know butt naked no i'm in a lounge bro you can't like i thought about it but you can't sleep butt naked in someone else's lounge. I'm in my underpants. That's probably a more comfortable way to sleep in a sleeping bag, though. Sleeping bags get so hot, because of all that syntheticness to them. Yeah, you don't want your butt sticking to the...

Yeah. Yeah. Peeling your butt off a sleeping bag. Hey, bro. I feel like we're in a weird spot you and i right now real weird it's like a it's almost like a resigned there's a resigned sense to our conversation like i feel quite placid but yeah that's the thing like i'm not i i'm scared by the fact that i've lost the anger now it's just like it's it's just it's broken maybe we're broken now, it's broken. Maybe we're broken now. Maybe it's done it.

Maybe this is the episode where you see us just defeated by the movie. I will tell you. Now the movie owns us. I'm looking. It stopped being we're watching the movie, and now the movie is watching us. The tables have turned. That guy on the phone at the start of the movie in Bergdorf Goodman,

who's reporting in that we're watching it again he's he's been watching us the whole time and he started telling everyone else in the in the world of this and like in the world of the film he's like you're not going to believe this everyone pay very close attention when we're acting this week if you look through the movie you'll see these two guys who are watching it for the 36th time. It's unbelievable. That guy's the star then. That guy's the star of the whole concept. This weird interdimensional existence that he's created. It's weird to think about. I wonder what SJP's doing right now.

She's got a family and a husband. Has she got kids? Yeah I'm pretty sure that they've got her and Matt Broderick have got some spawn. No need to boil it down to such horrific

sounding terms. Spawn? That's fine. Yeah. I call myself spawn. Do you? Yeah. It's because you don't

respect yourself guys. It's the same reason you're sleeping on a couch in a sleeping bag in someone's lounge. Do you? Yeah. It's because you don't respect yourself, Guy. It's the same reason you're sleeping on a couch in a sleeping bag in someone's lounge. I do respect myself. These people don't know I'm here. Actually, no, big shout-out to the tenants of the house. They're really hooking me up. Hey, so I just typed in Sarah

and Wikipedia. I like that you didn't name them. Normally with a shout-out, you tend to name the people so that they can get the requisite shout-out. I'm breaking all the rules so that they can get the requisite shout-out. I'm breaking all the rules. Good man. So what, now go? I looked up Sarah in Wikipedia to look up Sarah Jessica Parker

to see if she had kids. She doesn't even register. Sarah, Sarah Churchill, Sarah Palin, Sarah Trimmer, Margaret Fuller, Sarah Jane Brown. You just typed Sarah into Wikipedia. Oh, it's Sarah Michelle Gellar. Now we're talking. She's like, but I wouldn't imagine she'd be a more popular search than...

She's got three kids. Three? Yeah. A more popular search than Sarah Michelle Gellar. I think you're underestimating the love for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yeah, I think you're right. Such a good show. How did Samantha Jonesones publicity weather the storm

of the 2008 financial crisis that's what i want to know how is she still there uh i feel like she deals with a very like upmarket end of of the bizzo of the industry and those are all the people who the first thing you cut when you start running out of budgets is you start cutting advertising and marketing and promotion it's the first thing you cut how does she still exist she's she used to be good at her job she's uh she's writing on um reputation and i wouldn't be too surprised i mean after this middle east blow up uh if she if the company is in liquidation went into liquidation she had to release that

she had to release that cute secretary which is a shame because I enjoy catching up with her every week she deserves a spin off she what? spin off series

she deserves a spin off series oh and before I lost the train of thought, but I was thinking, a Rachel Green appearance in Sex and the City as Rachel Green, that would be a joy to behold. I was reading back on the IMDB page,

some people who wanted to be in the movie, Victoria Beckham was jonesing for a little appearance in this film. Victoria Beckham. Dodged a bullet. Posh Spice. Such a funny name. What, Posh Spice?

I think someone's got a joke about it. The Spice Girls taught me. It's a New Zealand comic. The Spice Girls taught me I can do any i can do any career i can be sporty i can be scary i can be oh fuck who says it i can be posh yeah i can be a baby anyway good gag good bet congratulations to another person who we should shout out but will not say their name god damn it i feel iptie oh no where's he going? Fuck

What's he reading? Your spirit is broken bro Yeah I even I didn't even want to do The skating today I was like Maybe if I try it I'll get into it

It was one of the most fun things We get to do every week Shit you're blue bro I'm looking in your eyes And you're cold dead ice oh i just want to hug you ah thanks man i appreciate the thought uh appreciate the thought the warmth and the support no i need you to dig deep into that um half brain of yours tim and tell me for christ's sake what in God's name is this guy up to?

And where on earth could he be going? Well, something that I noticed for the... Actually, I'll tell you what. I'm going to couch my shining light in this as well. Because I didn't even notice this before, but the only time when the gals are in the cafe, where we see our Java warrior, and Brady pops his head up to look at something is when he watches coffee guy leave dude i noticed that exact same thing this week it's the only time when he looks so

let's not make any bones about it brady and coffee guy working together some shit's going on there so i feel like i still feel like Brady the Rat King is calling the shots because when you're as powerful as he is and you've got the entire population of New York City's vermin at your fingertips you don't play second fiddle to a dude who's really good at drinking coffee

that's not something that happens irrespective of what his background is you think that to harness the power of all vermin in New York City outweighs the ability to knock back I think what we established last week he told us

what 99 how does he do it? He has 99 cups of coffee for $99 and then goes out on the street until he can get enough money to do it again I literally have no memory of that at all. I thought it was his dad was an inventor with the rocket shoes,

but was that the one before? Oh, fuck no. The guy's had a life. Hell of a life. We really should stitch together all the Coffee Guy stories and make a kid's book about the adventures of Coffee guy i yeah we should

stitch together all of the uh coffee guy stories i don't know if that all i don't know how that all sync up but it's worth a crack anyway so he's not well he was do you think him and brady was surreptitiously having a meeting in the in the in the cold light of day. Yeah, because, you want to know why, Brady has telepathy. And it's so strong that when you put a human under enough duress and give them enough adrenaline and caffeine, they can at a very low level communicate telepathically with him. That's how powerful Brady's mind is.

Yeah. So they were having a right old chit-chat, and that's why Brady sort of just popped his head up to look. That was him saying goodbye, comrade, as he walked out the door. What was being communicated? So if you think of Brady, when you're a king or a president, you are the head of the military, right? So he is the commander-in-chief of the rats.

And what Coffee Guy is is more like a lieutenant so he's kind of got a little division that he's looking after yeah and coffee guy is actually in charge of the special operations rat team so like a seal team six rat division so they're these specially trained rats that they know different cultures. They know different languages. They're like part spy, part action heroes. You mean different languages, human languages or different rat languages? Both. Wow.

Yeah. So they can, I mean, they can't talk in human parlance, but they can understand it and then relay it back in rat to brady and they can definitely understand danish yeah and japanese yeah and whatever whatever dick bot speaks when he's not trying to trick everyone like his native robot tongue wingdings yeah yes dick bot speaks in wingdings and um seal team six rate division can understand that i'm really i'm just i actually we need to dig a bit more into um the coming feud because dick bot versus brady is just like whenever i think about the podcast that's that's my shining light of this whole experience is just cracking back into that and and really trying to get to the bottom of how this fight's going to go down that's like because it's going to be huge that's a big part of what's

keeping you going do you think that if um so brady's got this coffee guy is in charge of the um seal team six rat division do you think that dick bot has some sort of counter to that like a um co-intel pro sort of program running where he's like spreading misinformation um little honey pots of false nuggets to throw brady off his course i think because of the detail in which you ask the question i'm going to say absolutely yes like you pretty much did all the heavy lifting for me there so i guess my question is how is dick bot throwing brady off the trail what little false bread crimes is he leaving for him to try and

put the battle on on his terms first of all he is a one man fuck machine who is using the god given power of his robot dick to get closer and closer until he can infiltrate Brady's home, his family home so is that the narrative that he's spinning or is that the reality that's what's actually up

the narrative he's spinning, I mean he's got this whole Samantha thing, he's got this whole samantha thing he's got this he's got a lot he's got a lot of balls in the air with regards to uh decoys he's got the samantha fling i mean he's being a very supportive partner while or by all appearances while uh her pr firm goes into liquidation he's got his architecture business like he's i mean he's got he's got a whole bunch of patsies working in an office in abu dhabi i mean it's it's the most 2d operation in the world they're not none of the designs are going anywhere

but they're all on the payroll i mean it's all by all appearances it looks legit uh but so he's running an entire shell company that's this architecture firm yeah and he's pretty much although you want to know what? You know how Dick Bott's ultimate plan is to take out the power supply. Do you know how you fucking can really dig into that? Getting involved in infrastructure. You want to know how you get involved with infrastructure? Have a shell company that's operating as an architecture firm.

That's right. They let you bloody build new buildings and put... He's in charge of everything there, but his name isn't on any of it. And they're trying to get a big contract with the US government to redesign the Pentagon. They're looking at making it a dodecahedron. God knows why.

So, yeah, and pretty much, I mean, Steve, he has a history of philandering, of sleeping around. Dick Bott is a firm believer that gender isn't binary and sexuality is a spectrum uh and he's pretty much he's angling towards getting in there with steve really samantha's a stepping stone god God damn it, that is good. So by doing that, you are taking out the one weakness that King Brady has, which is his father,

who he's got a lot of love for, the former mayor of New York City who made an empire in writing his own dictionaries. That is fucking beautiful. That is like some Star Wars, Luke, I am your father level shit bro i love that i love you loving it it makes me feel good it's real good um it's probably time to um

crack open a big leather-bound smoky book that i like to call mr Big's Big Book of Ideas. I concur. In that book, pages of scribbles, pages of ideas, pages of diagrams, and also one page where he took a shit on the book and then closed it in some sort of ink-blotting, Rorschach test to himself, gone horribly wrong. Yuck.

He's a weird dude. There's feces in the book that is so unnecessary bro. Yeah it's his own though. That doesn't make it any better. He's an experimental guy. Do you know what Mr Big's been working on in that book this week?

Tell me. He has been because he doesn't have any keyboards so he can't use the internet he has been literally since Carrie left for Abu Dhabi he has been working so hard to figure out the time difference like every with every fiber of his being all he wants to know is what the time is in the middle east so he can like so like what is he using what clothes does he have to try and start building this road man he started from scratch he's got like the a very rudimentary understanding of time. And he's got all these graphs and diagrams and everything in his book.

So he's working so hard. He's working so hard. And they haven't really been in touch since she's been there because he's got no idea when an appropriate time to talk is. And then she calls him up to tell him about Aiden. And as soon as she calls him up he picks up the phone he goes well it's 2am over there you can't still be jet lagged and she doesn't even acknowledge his work and I think that the huge problem that comes up in the relationship isn't rooted in her kissing aiden it is yeah the lack of respect he gets

for i mean for successfully all of the work and math and time and mental energy that is i mean it's very difficult for her to have the call for her to have the perspective of how hard exactly he's worked on this but like even an acknowledgement of going oh wow you know well done or it's nice of you to to to research that i know you don't have the internet and then isn't big our favorite little digger you know he's operating in the markets colorblind not really knowing what's going on he's trying to figure out time zones without a clue as to like kind of how to how to get it done fuck he's just battling away man a clue as to like kind of how to how to get it done fuck he's just battling away man he's hot he's so hot to trot um and because the other thing is aiden is bragging about the internet

at the dinner he has with carrie you know how he's like he tells carrie he knows she's married he's like yeah my wife showed me something on the internet which uh is an up-and-coming venture i think is going to be going places pretty soon but yeah i mean so what do you think he's like showing off to rub it in on carrie's face somehow well yeah it's sort of like yeah does carrie know that big is does carrie know that big can't get online because he doesn't have a keyboard? Yes. Gotcha. She does know. So that's why she should be so impressed by him figuring out the time difference because she knows he can't do it any other way.

And that's why the internet dig is quite a needling dig for her because she knows Big's not on the internet. And this guy. So everyone knows that Big's not on the internet and this guy so she everyone knows that big's not on the internet this is like everyone at the wedding understands that big does not have internet access god wouldn't you feel so you i'd treat them like a leper if i was at a wedding with someone and we just all knew that there was one guy who was not on i'd be like i've got nothing to talk to you about like what could we possibly discuss?

That's hilarious. Nice weather we're having? That's why every old school movie conversation goes like this. Hi, sir. Hi. Nice weather we're having? It sure is. And then the conversation ends. Because before the internet, what the fuck was anyone talking about? The weather is never going to go anywhere as a conversation point

because it is the one thing that is constantly you know we're all uh it's happening all around all of us simultaneously it's a great united front for humanity the weather i just quickly before we go to him i'd like to talk about the wedding one last time which is of course so they're all when they all get there they're all exchanging kind of uh thinly veiled homophobic jibes about the entire operation. This one does. And I think Charlotte or someone, Charlotte says, shouldn't we be a little more PC? And then Anthony comes over and he's like, can you believe this?

It looks like the Snow Queen exploded. And then Big says, how's that for PC? And she says true that comment is in no way offensive to anyone it has struck me every time i've seen the movie i'm like what is this exchange yeah like is the snow queen if do we need to be politically correct towards snow queens they're not fucking real i don't get that either at all if he said so okay this is how the line would make sense and maybe this was the original writing of it and the network were like this isn't or the studio were like this isn't happening he was like

um can you believe how wide it is in here it's like george michael treated it like his own outdoor toilet yeah not my best work no i'm trying to paint a mental image of everything's got jizz on it guy everything's been jizzed on there's jizz everywhere yeah that's what the white thing's running around with the buckets looping it into the bucket so he can uh it looks like mr big's jascusiis exploded in here how's that for PC fucking well I guess we've got to be nice to Big because he doesn't have the internet and he's colour blind so that isn't very PC anyway

yeah it's good which is probably a good thing for Mr Big because he can't read all of the horrible horrible things people are saying about his product in general approach to life all right it's been real bring i want to i want to i want to bring back the machetski somehow so look forward to that next step hey also um we've got some cool things that are happening soon uh we got we got some cool

guests coming on soon yeah so look forward to that and um oh if any if hey if anyone wants to jump on board and sponsor the show just get in touch with us yeah that's not a bad idea and please uh please rate and review us on itunes or whatever your listening application is oh you have taken it too fucking far me pleading for money is one thing, but you begging people for reviews on iTunes is beyond the pale, my friend. This is Guy Montgomery saying, Timbatt, why don't you go fuck yourself, friend? This is Timbatt signing off to go fuck himself.

Goodbye, everyone. See you next week.