The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Seven - Mel Gibson

Episode Date: March 25, 2017

Hey, did you know that Mel Gibson is a creature born of a hellscape called Australia which Satan forged himself and populated with deadly animals? It's true. Also ture; the story 'arc' of WAYF is actually a very flat hill. The boys chat renaissance art, MTV products and the actual artist genius of Maximum Joseph. Plus, James Reid from The Feelers is converting to catholicism and bringing Zacole The Crying DJ with him! Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at Little Empire Pod. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague who passed out. One of them dies, that guy's screw.

One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. I can feel already that this one is going to be dicey, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time, episode 37.

I've been reliably informed by my compatriot, my brother-in-arms, Guy Montgomery, across the ditch, across the Tasman. How are you? That's right. I'm great, thanks. I've been sent over to Australia to research the Australian way of life. And certainly I consider this screening of Where Are Your Friends at 8am on a bright Sydney morning to be a huge roadblock in the way of my research. But what must be done must be done, Tim. And as always, I'm never surprised by this development.

It's a horrible way to wake up watching this movie. It is a horrible, horrible way to start your day. Before we get into that, what findings have you made about the Australian people and that fair land, the lucky country? Oh, look, I'll tell you what. You don't need to pack as many sweatshirts as you think. Although... Should it warm?

When wearing a sweatshirt here, it's easy to see why it would be called as such on account of the increased humidity and just generally warmer climate. Just a sort of pervading sense of dampness at every turn here in australia i mean there are wet people tim almost amphibious are you talking about from perspiration or just general kind of water everywhere initially it started from perspiration but i mean a lot of

the people i'm talking to appear to have gills okay wow so they've they've been they're quick adapters aren't they they're a very resourceful people we know that about them yeah i mean it's it's a it's an arid and um hellish sort of you know landscape especially once you start trekking inwards so i don't know if you'd call them quick adapters people like mel gibson don't get forged in the lush rainforest of the amazon you know it's too delicate and protective an environment he is a sword forged in the uh red hot australian radioactivity of the outback yeah that mel gibson is a real he is a card isn't he he could he could only have come forward from um it's it's a real he is a darwinian product sent to us from satan himself satan said i'm going to create a small patch of my own hellscape upon this plane of the earth and i will populate it with the most poisonous

and horrifying looking creatures there will be armored amphibians twice the size of a human with sharp gnashing teeth wow eventually when you develop technology you will turn them into handbags and wallets but for now they will be terrifying i will have tiny eight-legged eight-eyed critters that can kill you with a single bite i will have large worms which slither across the arid sand ready to bite you do you think that's how snakes describe themselves i think that's how how Satan described him when he put them on Earth. The serpent slithering on its belly. He didn't call it a snake to begin with. He called it a large worm.

He made worms first. Worms have been around since the start. We started with worms, then we got to snakes. And then eventually, from snakes, we got to Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson had to fight his way out. We've lost so many. How do you make a worm and then look at it and be like, oh, this needs to be bigger.

And also with teeth. That is a reaction I would probably have. If I made a worm, I'd be like, I get the concept. I get where we're going with this, but I'm going to need to turn everything up a little bit. Yeah, that's fair. And certainly, you know, in inland Sydney, which is, well, not inland, but in central Sydney,

which is where I currently am, Sydney, of course, a coastal town, I haven't come across many, if any, a few spiders certainly, but no snakes. I saw bats flying around when I was in Brisbane. I've never seen bats flying around in public before. They're quite cool because they fly in formation, huh? They go over here. They're actually quite cute. Some of them are very cute, and then others have horrible faces that look like they've been smashed by a shovel.

Have you seen any bats that have connected the two wires on a power line sadly and fried themselves because i used to encounter that a little bit when i lived in sydney no i haven't also i haven't been looking out for i didn't know that was a a common trait amongst the bats sometimes they're on one wire and then if they um they kind of hang too low and they connect to another wire i think they're kind of short-circuit themselves or something. I can believe that. And not short-circuit in the fun movie sense where you get electrocuted and then come to life

and get a conscience and try to convince everyone that you no longer want to be part of the war machine, but in a more electrical engineering sense where you have a lot of high voltage and high amps thrown through your body yeah electrocuted uh how was um how was the movie for you guy look it wasn't good tim and before we get into that um just because of what you're saying earlier i've wound up googling um peak mel gibson and it's hard to imagine when the lethal weapon movies came out and you know how popular

he was as a figure how um sort of damning his fall from grace would i mean he had the full-on hair yeah that's sort of he was a real dish oh incredibly handsome man the australians have good genes i think for for good lookingness yeah i'm inclined to agree with you there the base level of attractiveness here in australia is too high um now to your questions about the movie tim i'm just waiting week after week for zach efron to bust out a decent sounding track i mean it is honestly it, didn't it? We were chatting a little bit online while we were watching, so we felt a little bit closer,

and that just, again, it slayed you. Another one this way where he hasn't nailed it. The most fruitless attempt. I mean, I don't understand. I just... And you just can't build a movie. You can't have a movie which is purportedly building towards this climactic scene where he arrives as a DJ and then just have him pretty much fart into a microphone. Yeah.

It's disrespectful to any aspiring musicians who wanted to watch the movie to see a glimpse of their life on screen. It's disrespectful to any audience members who wanted to just watch a movie have an enjoyable romp i believe this was released in the summer so sort of a last fling before the end of summer it's just i don't know you know you go through the motion some weeks where you empathize with the filmmakers and everything that they were trying to do and then other weeks you're just so deeply frustrated and it's i mean it's hard to it's hard to make anything good really isn't it i sort of i think i actually know what you mean what you've said is quite a broad and confusing statement there but i i feel like i get the spirit of it because i said to you um on the chat while we were watching that i feel like i can see through the matrix code a bit this morning while I was watching it. In that, I'm seeing all the bits.

I'm not seeing a cohesive whole. I'm able to just see the little bits for little mouths. But they don't add up to anything. So I'm just seeing, it's like, okay, cool. I can see a shot that got orchestrated and there's color grading on top of it. And we hired some extras and they're being instructed to dance by the 7AD because Max Joseph took the Arvo off that day. And we've got some EDM music that's layered on top of that,

but I'm not seeing it as a scene. I'm seeing it as just distinct separate parts. And I can't, it's not how a movie is supposed to work when you watch it and i guess it's that kind of deconstruction which um is as blindingly obvious as it may be to the point where it might be stupid to point it out uh aloud on the 37th watch you you start to not be able to escape that you can no longer escape into the film in the way that you want to um yeah it's annoying it's frustrating because it would you know we had a a run right at the start of being able to enjoy this as a film that faded

it's kind of come back and forward some weeks and i think truly truly guy we are in uh free fall from here on in for the rest of the season. It's not looking good for me. Look, I think I'm looking at what lies ahead, Tim, and immediately it's a treacherous and difficult path to walk, a difficult path to climb. But I firmly believe that, say, seven, eight weeks from now,

when the sweet, sweet ticker tape parade of the finish line is in sight, I can only imagine the rocket that will put up our asses. As it stands, I'm both frustrated by the film and feel badly for those who were involved. Explain.

Frustrated by the film just you know keep hanging out with the same film every week it's frustrating yep partial credit um and feel badly for those involved. Just like, no one wanted it to come out like this, did they? Well, that's a good question, isn't it? Let's have a chat about that, guys. This isn't exactly or necessarily the movie they set out to make. Or is it? You know, is this the exact vision that Max Joseph had and maybe he still thinks it's good, or maybe he's been able to sort of accept criticism from those around him

and go, maybe my vision, which I did enact perfectly in retrospect, wasn't that great. Or is it an accidental shitter? Well, if it is exactly what he intended to make, then all power to him. Because at the end of the day, that's all you can ask of yourself. You have a vision, you execute it to the best of your abilities.

Whether or not it's received well, at least you know that you... I don't know if people out there realize, but Maximum Joseph is probably the greatest visionary of our time. And guess what? Even Leonardo da Vinci had to take a shit once or twice a day, or however often he shit,

but it's probably quite not that much, but you take my point. Even Leonardo da Vinci was a man who had to get on the bog, spread them cheeks, and lay a loaf down multiple times a week that goes beyond Da Vinci

that's all of your favourite Renaissance artists Rembrandt I don't know what their diet Rembrandt wasn't Renaissance was he? I don't know, you tell me he strikes me as an impressionist but I don't know a hell of a lot about art all I'm trying to tell you

all these people on set, you know the real shortcut to remembering the significant Renaissance painters is just go through the turtles. Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo. That's a great trick, Tim. Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo, and the other guy. Michelangelo. Great team.

Unstoppable force. And I'm talking about the painters, not the turtles. But you think that Maximum Joseph is on that level, but we maybe don't recognize it. Maximum Joseph is the greatest visionary of our time. I mean, Catfish, is it a show that I've watched? No. Am I 100% au fait with the format of it also no but i get a sense that it is a very culturally important show it

is very of our time um i increasingly get the sense if they're still making it that probably it's gone on a bit long but the idea of bringing social media into the the tv realm using quite shit cameras and just just plowing ahead um there's something to that you know there's something to that that screams spark of genius to me i'm having real trouble following your train of thought too i mean you are oscillating wildly all over the page here. So you have nothing but respect for Maximum Joseph? Or you just don't necessarily respect him, but you're willing to acknowledge that he is a visionary? We need to separate out the art from the artist.

And in this particular product, the art questionable at best, terrible at most honest. But artist himself maximum joseph the visionary who managed to parlay um basically what should have been a web series into a tv show for mtv and then parlay that into a film career where he got to work with zach efron that takes the true inner workings of a genius. That's not necessarily artistic merit. That's just networking. Well, what is being an artist in the film realm

if not networking? That is so depressingly probably true. Oh, man. My point is... I keep rubbing my eyes, Tim. You can't see me, but i'm rubbing my eyes a lot and it's sort of exhausted what time did you wake up and start hitting the hitting the old dusty trail woke up 759 started watching where are your friends 8 a.m just as we had planned i actually was

terrified because um i sent you a message saying could we start a little earlier because i've literally got to rush to the airport and might miss a flight as a result of doing this record um which would cause me to miss a wedding which uh i don't think they'd be too happy about but at any rate i sent you a message and i was the thought did occur to me i wonder if we've done that thing again where you've already you got up at 6 a.m to watch the film and thought that we were recording at 8. So I'm really glad to hear that you managed to get a little bit of kip and wake up at the kind of reasonable hour of 8. I know that you're on the comedy road at the moment,

you're on the trail, but it's not too bad. I think 8's okay. I think 8's perfectly reasonable. You're an early riser, Montgomery. You're used to it. I put it to you, Tim. Did you have any quibbles with the film this week? Any plot points?

Any questions left unanswered? Stones left unturned? Yeah. That really got under your skin? A glaring omission for me is the lack of Clarissa, who is a character that is introduced in dialogue only during a conversation between James Reid from The Feelers and Somaly, mother to sweet Kevin.

Sweet baby Kevin. Oh, yeah. So what's happened there is the film has put quite a spotlight on the fact that we're all going to go to Clarissa's party. You can feel it coming. When Somaly brings up the fact that her and james reed is supposed to head off to go to that party to clarissa's party and james reed from the feelers has forgotten uh who clarissa is and then and then we get a little treat which is a bit of backstory on clarissa

um she went to stanford with somerly for the brief time that somerly was there and so we're going to go to a stanford party and uh you know it's great it's a good mood um in the film because at the time when that gets brought up we're in some sort of uh italian maybe restaurant no he's telling a story about being in italy but he's in just a normal restaurant maybe it's a hooters not sure but we're in there and we're having a pretty boring time as james read from the feelers uh let's loosen the same dead dog of an anecdote he does week after week oh my god it's a bad he's sort of the classic guy you go on a first date with him he's got a bit of disposable income he has what appears to be a glamorous and interesting lifestyle and within two dates you're like i cannot believe i'm still seeing this clown all he talks about

is just like his life touring as a dj he just tells he goes to cities has no idea how to experience them and comes back just with the most stock anecdotes those guys are out there right they they exist in our world all the time people who have this thin veneer of beauty and interest And then you get into it and you're like There is just a hole where a human should be And it's that transferable skills thing It's like just because you're an international touring DJ Doesn't mean you're good at convos

Absolutely not But we assume they are We assume the best of people I think we give good looking people an unearned pass, whereby it's like, assume that you're interesting until proven otherwise. And often it doesn't take very long. We have a similar thing. Everyone gets so up in arms when an athlete says something stupid.

This person has literally spent 50 hours a week for every week of their adult life practicing throwing a ball or kicking a ball. Like, what do you expect to happen when they open their mouth? Yeah, it's not all going to be well-articulated philosophy or, you know, diamond-pointed social commentary, is it? you know diamond pointed social commentary is it but he's yeah he i think and as told by this i mean who goes to rome and comes back with the anecdote there are a lot of fountains in rome as though this fucking guy there's any form of insight or interest in that i can google rome google image search it and come away with the same level of anecdote as james reed actually managed to get by going to rome so listen here's my um here's where we're going with this we're in there we're hearing that terrible anecdote and i'm all ready as a film audience member to grab my coat and head along

to the new party as well because i want to get the hell out of there i'm sick of the story and um we do go but james reed from the feelers doesn't go but at no stage in proceedings in spite of all the hate crimes and the violence the talk of cheese and the uh do shit he says that he's he's into music he likes music big time um we don't meet clarissa bro and i think it might even be her party it It is her party. I mean, somebody makes a real point at the dinner about it being Clarissa's party and James Reed's met Clarissa and there's a real sense of purpose

that they're going there to see Clarissa. They've met three times, we know this. The film goes to all the trouble of telling us that they've met several times before. James Reed either goes to watch C-SPAN as he says he will or goes and has sex with some floozy as is his ongoing want.

Spicy. Zicoli arrives at Clarissa's party, having never met her. I mean, I guess you can see why Somaly may be held off in the introduction. He's a bit of a wild card. Well, that's true. I mean, his first interaction with anyone

who's not Somaly at the party is literally committing a hate crime. Yeah. Imagine this. Yeah. I mean, maybe that's why. James Reid from the feelers has managed to meet Clarissa three times. Can you imagine the shit that Zicoli is going to be pulling on his third visit? Like if that's his entry what does

he work up to i think the second one we can probably assume is arson just burning the motherfucker down and then the third one i guess is um and i i sort of hate to say it out loud i know um this is topical and i sincerely hope it isn't when the episode comes out but maybe a terrorist attack is the only place you go to from well, that's what I was going to say, Tim, is if your energy is that high when you enter, I mean, if your first action is to punch someone in the face under the misguided premise

that they have a different, they identify differently on the sexuality spectrum than you do. Are you part of ISIS? Well, yeah well yeah i mean and more than that you leave very little wriggle room for an even grander entrance the next time yeah you got to go up every time that's that's certainly my approach at a party um however it goes down i go in with an open mind on the the first time i'm at someone's. But whatever shape that first interaction takes, I know that I have to build on it in subsequent visits. So if I come in and I have a lovely time and get to know a couple of new faces, meet some new friends, and that's that. Then I'll come in the second time to a party that's being hosted at the same location be even friendlier meet a few more

people than i did before and really tear it up on the dance floor however conversely if i come into a party and i have a minor scuffle or disagreement with someone you can rest assured that at the next little shindig at this particular venue i'm going to be coming in pretty weapons hot. And you're a scrapper too. You are. You're rough and ready. And I think a lot of people don't realize that about you. Often when you first meet someone, you're very polite. You ask a lot of questions.

You're a very naturally talented conversationalist and a joy to be around, actually. That is really sweet, Guy. Thank you for saying that. Just beneath that sort of friendly and familiar veneer lurks a terrifying man who will stop at nothing for a scrap of cheese, maybe the dregs of someone's beer. Just a man on his haunches.

Certainly you do share similarities with both rats and kings. I guess that, I never really thought of it that way. That's what makes Brady Brady, isn't it? He is both parts of that equation. He's not just like the king rat. He is a king and a rat. He is the rat king. He identifies as both.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, listen, Guy. I refuse. No. La, la, la, la. Do you have a shining light? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

For this 37th... Sorry, you... La, la, la, la. Are you... Come on, mate. La. Guy. La. Hey. Are you trying to talk to me? for this 37th sorry are you come on mate like guy hey

are you trying to talk to me yeah um look I know this is sort of uh a slightly different

estimation of what a shining light is insofar as it's something I enjoyed speculating about as opposed that was triggered by an event in the movie but it's not a highlight from the movie itself oh god you can't see this but i took the

rule book and i threw it in the bin in the studio so you just go hog wild that's such relief because you're usually championing lording that bloody rule book right over my my head um so when's the coley in the throes of djing his first ever sort of public appearance as far as i can tell at a at a pool party at a looking pool party at james reed's house he takes it upon himself as we've explained multiple times before he takes it upon himself to explain sort of the magic and the construct behind djing um no one requested this and certainly as far as i can tell no one's really listening but through some clever filmmaking techniques namely like intersplice footage of old cartoon footage and like you know just sort of archival odds and ends

it creates the illusion of momentum to his explanation of djing but the reality is this isn't what's happening at the actual looking pool party is it he's just talking uh and at one point i see what you're saying it's it's something that we get to see as a film audience but the people in the universe of the film they're just seeing a man um sort of ranting almost about bpm and it is ranting because as the as the way the story's told we trust that as the collie explains how djing works in his head all of the visual accompaniment that we see as a film audience is playing out but for the people who he's actually explaining it to at the looking pool party it's just like it is the ramblings of a madman. And at one point he says you need the broad strokes of ninth grade biology,

which is just patently untrue. At no point does he apply the broad strokes of ninth grade biology. And also, I feel like that's unfair to aspiring DJs who maybe aren't familiar with anything beyond eighth grade biology. That's not going to hinder you. That's not going to hold you back. You can DJ without that but he sort of just explains the whole thing and it eventually reaches its zenith um but every time and especially this week when he when he stops explaining it i just would love a visual acknowledgement of the social faux pas that he's made

would love a visual acknowledgement of the social faux pas that he's made and misunderstanding his job as a DJ to just play banging hot tracks. And his interpretation, of course, being to explain to everyone what he's about to do as he's doing it and just to clear the whole party. So that scene just finishes with Ziccoli standing behind the decks. There's no one to be seen. Everyone's cleared out. coley standing behind the decks there's no one to be seen everyone's cleared out um it's a different movie and i think a more challenging journey for our hero zach efron uh to then become a successful dj because it's a huge not just sort of mental blow but also

in the world of his aspirations that's a crushing blow in terms of he's not going to get booked for any more looking pool parties no he's probably sullied his relationship with his mentor james reed from the feelers yeah it's that that would be such a great moment though and i think add a lot of much needed comedy to this film it is one of those moments where he's gotten so far into his own head that while we are being exposed to the inner workings of this sort of, I don't know, drug-addled brain with all the TV cuts in there. And then you pull out and everyone is just bailed on him. Like, that's a funny moment. That's good comedy.

It is funny. And also, like, it's another challenge. The movie's not challenging enough for him. Everything comes so easily. Yeah. Yeah, his friend dies, and not even that slows him down. His friend dies just to feel something. Here's the strange thing about We Are Your Friends.

The clue is in the title. It sets itself up to be a movie about mates and friends, kinship. But that's not what kinship is kinship's family isn't it but what it actually is is just about one man's journey to become a dj by himself and his friends don't matter at all because his best friend dies during the course of the film as a direct result of actions that our protagonist has taken and it's it's that like if that occurs in the film that should probably be the main point of the film but it's not in this it is a mere sideshow a mere 25 cent sideshow at the circus that is zicoli the crying dj and his stupidly low gradient of a mountain that he has to climb.

It's not even a mountain. It's a fucking, it's barely a hill. It's a driveway. This movie is a driveway for our protagonist. He walks down a flat tar-sealed driveway, comes across a dead body halfway down, goes, I know that dude that dude yeah and then just keeps walking and then he arrives at the house that he wanted to get to the whole time and that's the

movie and you know who's inside the house who is like one of his best mates ex-girlfriends who he's always wanted to bone and she's totally keen on boning him that That's your fucking movie. I wonder if that's how they pitched it for the studio execs to get the money to get Zac Efron. I like to think that there was a little more panache, but who's to say? We'll never know. That is the reality of it. Oh, boy.

37 watches. What are we doing? What are we fucking... What are we fucking... What do you like, Guy Montgomery? What are we up to, mate? Mate. Every now and then you've got to take a step back and ask the question, don't you?

Look, you really do. Last night as I was going to bed, I was explaining to one of the people with whom I'm staying why I had to get up at 8 o'clock in the morning. And they just literally refused. They just thought we'd been like sitting around and joking for a few hours having a beer. And then when I was like, this is what I'm doing in the morning, they just flatly refused to believe it. Yeah. Just like, absolutely not.

That's not, you're just, this is a put on. And I was like, it's really not like I'm going to do it. And he's like, nah. Just not even amused. Just literal sort of disdain for the fact that I would brazenly make up such a ludicrous lie. Not taking that on as information that needs to be anywhere near my brain.

Thank you very much. And I guess that reaction is correct. Well, it is. But it's, yeah, I probably wouldn't believe you. If I met you recently, and you're a pretty funny dude, you know, you make sure it up on the fly. You spin a good yarn. I spin a good yarn I love to laugh I love to laugh Tim you sure do, I know this about you

and if I met you one night at a bar and got to chatting to you and then you're like, right well I better head off because I've got to get up in the morning to watch We Are Your Friends for the 37th time with my mate who's in New Zealand, I'd be like alright mate, good one you can just leave, you don't have to make right, mate, good one. You can just leave. You don't have to make something up.

It's quite fine. You can just go when you want to go. Yeah. I think that's pretty much exactly what happened, which is funny when you present it back to me. I can enjoy that. How many more you got in you, guy? That's the real question.

Well, it's got to be 15, doesn't it? Does it? It does. It's got to be 15. You've got to do another 15, as I've always said. Oh, man. I've said it before. I'll say it again.

We are limping to the finish line. Did you have a shining light this week, Tim? It was literally the shining lights when they're on the cliff somaly and socolly the crying dj um yeah when just after he's committed the hate crimes and there's that beautiful uh i think it's called moray effect of the city lights behind them um looks like they've used a lens with a very um low f-stop number shallow depth of field lets a lot of light in creates a beautiful great great beautiful little piece of cinematography i'm so tired and hungry and i also haven't had a coffee which is really busting my balls oh man um why would you why would you watch this movie with any of the trimmings yeah it's a more pure experience it's like when people

um fast they want to cleanse themselves get rid of everything there's no additional stimulus in me right now except for zach efron and his fuck boys just just doing it again we'll go another one we'll watch it again we'll go again. Play it again, Sam. You know? 37 times. Unbelievable. Who did I like this week? Let me do a rundown.

Was it Johnny Depp? No, it wasn't. Never. Was it Jarhead? Certainly not. But we take one sideways step from Jarhead and we get Jar Dad. And he is a man who captured me this week uh he's a man of few words in fact i think he might say three or four in the whole film um we have assumed and i

fully stand by this assumption that he's got a military background in fact i think if memory serves we may have um suggested that he was in desert storm which i think would make him a little bit older than he first appears um but the dude keeps in good nick he runs he does not with zach he runs by himself uh because he's a he's a lone wolf he's a solo man yeah that's that's your take that's my hot take on jar dad i just was watching him as all he really captured me this week and i it's like what happens with with all of these projects you know sex in the city was a great one you you see someone they catch your eye and you start delving into what makes them them what was jar dad's upbringing What was his relationship to his father like? These are the questions I would love to answer.

Well, these are questions you can answer. I mean, do we all become our parents? Do you think Jardad's relationship with his father is the model upon which he built his relationship with Jardad? What other model does one have, apart from the relationship they've first been exposed to? There's no other relationship model, really, that I've seen up close,

apart from the one that I've got with my dad. Well, it must be very interesting then for Jar Dad, in that he would have grown up completely unable to understand a word that was being spoken by his father. And in procreating with Jah Mum, he would have had to come to terms with and make his peace with the fact that one day his son, Jah Head Jr., would be unable to understand a word that he said. That's pretty sad.

So when Jahid is talking to Jardad about the fact that he and Zicole have started working in real estate, and I think the next line that's very hard to hear might be, he's suggesting to his father to put some money into this real whiz-bang industry that they've fallen into. What do you think his expectations are on that? Does he just keep trying to start conversations with Jar Dad? Because everyone, you know, obviously wants to have a connection with their father. And he knows in his heart of hearts that they can't talk. Because, like in Peanuts, you know, all that he will get back is warble,

just warble noise. Can they communicate through the written word? Or do you think everything he writes just comes out as warble as well? Yeah, I think so too. The only word he can write is warble. Yeah. Well, it's the only...

No, he can write words, but if Jarhead sees them, all he sees is warble. Sort of like the Matrix Code thing again, you know? Love the Matrix. Love, love, love the Matrix. Looks at that cascading green code, and it's just a bunch of gobbledygook,

but if you're a trained operator, you know, you can see what's up. That movie's like 20 years old now oh not quite my um my i had a we had to do religious education at my high school and the teacher of that who was the school chaplain bloody loved the matrix he'd always be referring to it as this allegory for the bible and we'd all be like that it was if we get to watch the matrix i don't care what you say mate if i get to put it on bullet time yeah what a treat what a treat for a strapping young group of lads or a group of young strapping lads i like the idea though that the group itself is young and strapping, but the lads are not. Not 100% sure how that works.

No, I can't quite wrap my brain around that either. Yes? I'm actually going to start investigating how far away an Uber could conceptually be because I do have a flight that I need to get on, but we also have some business we need to attend to in this episode, and that is five six seven eight getting getting sentimental with james reed oh my god How far was your Uber? Oh they're too expensive

It's just giving me a quote There's no one paying that Surge prices Nah it's not even Oh maybe it is Yeah it is surge Oh boy Oh dude

You gotta call up I can't remember I think it's cheap Cabs or convenience cabs They do like a $40 or $50 flat rate from they have burned me in the past

and on an airport flight no less it was a few years ago now maybe they're better but also maybe they don't exist because Uber does at any rate yeah

we've got a MacBook Pro box everybody we're trying to figure out what's in it you know the game you know how it's played we've done this a time or two before um so i'm gonna hmm i feel like you're simultaneously thinking of what's

in the box and also dealing with your uber situation no the uber thing can wait this requires my full attention. There's a scent. There's an aroma arriving from the box this week. So you smell it before you see it? You do. Through the box, through the plastic bag. Yeah.

There's an awareness. Yeah, it's a cinnamon smell. And there's a little bit of smoke coming out. Oh, God. And I think we all know where this is going. I don't. So Coley, the crying DJ, opens the box, and there is indeed a MacBook in there,

or what looks to be a MacBook, but it's actually in the shape of a macbook and is made of incense sticks entirely why does he have it because james reed from the feelers has converted to catholicism recently but in a big way oh which isn't you don't hear a lot about catholicism as a religion where people um convert in later in life do you you hear a bit a bit about judaism with regard to that because you've got to marry in some lapsed catholics i think turn back to it because if you absorb like if you absorb yourself on your deathbed i think you you're all good but certainly as as a as a um as a religion say a secular person turning to catholicism

midlife especially you know in this political climate oh yeah forget virtually unheard of but here we have james reed from the feelers um flirting with the idea of joining the Catholic Church. And I guess sort of trying to bring some people along for the ride with him. Is that what you're telling me? I think it's his own personal journey, but he wants to bring Zicole the crying DJ with him because he's a very special person to him. You know what I mean yeah when you think that you have the truth the way and the light um you don't want to take just anyone on that journey with you but you do want to take your loved ones and in his case is that somerly uh-uh that's where he parks his penis he cares deeply for zikoli the crying dj

and that's why he wants to take him on the path to spiritual enlightenment. So he gets him a whole MacBook Pro shape made of incense, because as we all know, in those beautiful Catholic rituals, they bloody love an incense stick. It seems pretty insulting to try and bring a lot, like, I know that their relationship,ames reed from the feelers and so many's relationship is fraught with tension and sort of trust issues but it does seem specifically very mean-spirited to try and convert your friend in front of your partner do you know

what i mean i mean i don't yeah i don't want to labor this too much that's just the kind of man that james reed from the fearless is um and to be honest guy that's probably all i'm going to have time for so what i would like to do now is remind everyone that both guy and i will be at the melbourne international comedy festival and love to see your faces there um oh my god yes uh you can for my dates go to timbat that's with two t's dot co dot nz

for Guy go to his website which is guymontcomedy.com I did we're also we really should have had this sussed by now

but we're trying to figure out a date in the venue to do a very shambolic live worst idea that looks like for those of you who are curious it's going to be on the weekend of the 9th of april sunday the 9th of april i would pencil into your diary keep your ears to the

ground join the facebook group please we need everyone on there for some reason i've just made that an imperative now um but we do update all the live stuff on there, or you could follow either one of us on Twitter, and you'll see it. We'll let you know. We'll get you the good oil, but you've got to follow the socials. Probably the worst idea, Facebook page is the best idea.

I've really got to go. I think I'm going to miss this flight. Guy, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. I can't wait to see you. Isn't the flight in 45 minutes? I'll catch you later, buddy. buddy yeah get out of here dude classic maximum joseph Johnny Depp And his name Is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Joseph You forget That films are supposed To have a point

Thanks for listening To this podcast If you're thirsty For another Why not try Boners of the Heart I'm not afraid To fucking gouge

Your eyes out bitch Fuck you Do you know what Gouge my eyes out Because do you know What my strongest sense is? My ears. And I honestly believe that.

I can hear you before I see you. I'd rip you. I'd bite your earlobes off. You can't bite my earlobes out. I'd bite your earlobes off. Even if you took my lobe, I've still got my drum. I'm hearing you. I'm in pain.

But I'm hearing you. Honestly. I would kick you in the... I'd fucking kick you in the crotch. Kick me in the crotch. I'd punch you so hard in the stomach. Oh my god. My stomach can take it. No, on the face. Sorry my god on the face sorry in the face my stomach i will break your nose break it