The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Six - Hand Awards

Episode Date: November 1, 2015

Guy and Tim have been sent a Elton John-flavoured Coffee Guy (Man) theme song from a fan. It's time for the Annual Hand Awards, the mere mention of Brady's name is eliciting fear all over the shop and Guy is tickled by an drink pouring extra in the wedding scene. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time With your old mate Timbo And your old mate Geizo How's it? Bloody good, how are you? So good, mate let me tell you I'm awesome Hey, and you're looking great too

Thank you so much Thank you so much I did just watch a movie Oh yeah, tell me about it Okay, so the name of the game is Sex and the City 2 What it is, is the four women from Sex and the City, the TV show. Excellent, I like them. After the first movie, as far as I can tell,

Big and Carrie tried to get married, but something fucked up the wedding, right? Yes, I've heard this. So, what happens in the movie is, it starts off at a wedding for, do you remember Anthony and who was the other gay guy that was on the show all the time? Stanford.

Yeah, Stanford. So they get married right at the start of the movie. Cool. So it kind of like opens on that. Yeah. And everyone's there. All the girls are there. Yeah, yeah, hard out.

And you see like Steve and stuff. Oh, I love Steve. Yeah, exactly. He's one of my favorite characters. It's wicked. And then shortly after that, Samantha gets a phone call. Do you remember Smith Jarrett, the actor? Yeah, it's either Jarrett or Jarrett.

Jarrett, Jarrett, something like that. So I think they actually alternate in the movie, how they say it. It's the weirdest thing. Anyway, so she gets a phone call from him. He's in Abu Dhabi. He's in the Middle East. No way. Yeah, he's shooting a movie poster for a movie.

Excessive, but okay. It's weird, eh? Yeah, it doesn't really... It's not what happens in real life. So, Smith Garrett goes, Oi, come to my movie premiere. And she's like, sweet, bae. So, they all rock up to it.

The whole gang? The whole gang. The whole gang. Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, Carrie and Big, they kind of had some squabbles because they've been married and stuff. Yeah. They're doing that. They'll get you.

The squabblies, we call them. They're doing that whole thing. And then so they all collectively go to the movie premiere thing. That sounds like fun. It was awesome. Sounds like a fun night out. It's fucking great. Awesome.

And then Samantha gets talking to one of the guys who financed the movie from Abu Dhabi. like fun it's awesome it's like a fun night out it's fucking great awesome and then um samantha gets talking to one of the guys who financed the movie from abu dhabi okay and he's like bae i run a mint as hotel you should come over and uh like review it for free and do some pr and shit almost too good to be true i know and and so she counters with sweet as dude but i want to bring my gals so guess what the fucking the four women go off yeah exactly all the six and city two girls or the six and city girls rather they they go to the middle east um so that's like pretty much the main meat and potatoes of it aiden's there like aiden just pops up in the market do you remember aiden he was like

the kind of man child guy who carrie was sort of like yeah you know he was always he was he was like there or there the anti-big you know um so he's got kids now and a wife and all that stuff um wait what what this is all just slowly being bled out yeah this is the movie's pretty long it's two and a half hours. Okay. How did that make you feel? That's quite long for a movie. Yeah, to be honest, I thought it was too long. I think they definitely could have trimmed

some of the stuff off of it. Yeah, so what else happens? What was the anchoring point? Where was the... Well, I guess the anchor is that they're in Abu Dhabi and that's kind of it. Samantha Pash is a dude and like uh there's a little bit of something that goes on there was she kind of gets arrested but then it's all fine but then they get kicked out of the hotel and then that

wouldn't have been good for the relationship between her and the guy who was hotel it was yeah it sort of ended that little business transaction and um so then they all had to bail out because he stopped paying for their hotel for free so then um they all they all just have to leave um oh yeah and i forgot as well but miranda quits her job because she doesn't like being a lawyer i know i glossed over that but that's quite that's literally i've just described everything that happens that's it so um char So Charlotte's got a nanny in this one. She's got a large-breasted Irish nanny who refuses to wear bras, right? Okay.

There's that whole gas going on. What is that? What do you mean? What's the... Oh, it kind of provides a bit of a thing That she's like concerned That uh What's his name? Her husband Harry Yeah the guy who played Runkle Yeah he's a funny guy

So yeah She's concerned that Runkle's gonna Cheat on her with the big tittied Irish nanny But it turns out the nanny's gay Anyways it's sweet as Doesn't matter Actually that's quite a neat way of putting a bow on that sort of storyline. I quite like that.

Yeah. And then they all go home. Oh, yeah. So did I say that she kissed Aiden? She kissed him, bro. No, you didn't say that. They pash over an Abu Dhabi. What?

How could you gloss that over? That is huge. I know. So I didn't know where I got up to. So they pash in the Middle East. And then Carrie comes home. That's a game changer. I know. So I didn't know where I got up to. So they, they pass in the middle East and then, um, Carrie comes home. There's a game changer.

Well, I know. So she gets on the blower and tells big, she's like, when she gets home. No, like before. So when she's still there,

she gets on the blower to big and she's like, Hey baby, um, I passed eight and sorry about it. And then, um, it's fine. He's like a bit pissed off.

So she comes home. Yeah. And then he buys her a diamond ring. Oh. And that's... That's the movie. That's pretty much... That's the whole kit and caboodle.

I've got to say, Tim, it doesn't sound like my cup of tea. Yeah. Yeah. Would you watch it with friends? I wouldn't watch it again. I wouldn't watch it again i wouldn't watch it would you tell your friends to go it's not it doesn't really warrant a second watch i'll tell you that so i don't think i'll i don't think i'll see it again is what i would say it's absolutely what i would say yeah if i don't have to that was almost quite

a cathartic conversation. It's good to get it all out, I think. It is good to put it all out there. Well, that about does it for the worst idea of all the time. What episode is this, Guy? Episode 36. Watch 35. Screening 35.

There's got to be a better way of putting that. Now, I want to do another two-parter, so we have to subtract two. Make it even harder on ourselves. I hate this. I don't like having all these numbers in my head. There were some funny scenes in Sex and the City 2 this week, I thought.

Yeah? Do you want to boot off with, what, a shining light or a funny moment? Well, it was a funny moment. This next segment is called America's Funniest Home Sex in the City 2 Videos. Okay. My funniest America's Funniest Sex in the City 2

Home Video this week was at the wedding scene when Mr. Big is getting a couple of glasses of champagne to take back to his wife Carrie. There's an attractive, devilish looking guy, sort of George Clooney's body double who is hitting on him and Big's getting this champagne.

And the waiter who's pouring the champagne is doing just a comic. It's obviously his first night on the job or something, but he's having a really rough go of it. He's sort of tepidly filling them, timidly, sorry, half full. He's pouring the champagne straight down from the top. It's just absolute mania. but he's sort of tepidly filling them, timidly, sorry, half full. Half full. He's pouring the champagne straight down from the top. It's just, it's absolute mania. But luckily for him, Mr. Big's so taken aback by this guy that he doesn't even notice.

But I tell you what, it really tickled me this week. It was my funniest home video. So, okay, awesome. I mean, it's just the confidence, is that the main thing that's so good about it? Just a bold decision, a bold decision by a supporting actor. And, I mean, if you look at the movie, there's a lot of those being made and not enough being made of it.

And I do feel like at this juncture it's kind of our job to wade in there and start spotlighting these heroes, these everyday heroes, who every week, you know, they get out there, they tread the boards, they put on a show for us. And I think for too long we've glossed this over. So power to you. I look forward to seeing you next week. I hope you're more confident.

Maybe by the end of the season, he'll be super confident and, like, he'll be doing flair bartending and then he'll star in the reboot of Tom Cruise's Cocktail busting out there in his underwear

oh wait was that in that movie no that's Risky Business but we could be watching the origin story of Cocktail 2 cool well if one good thing

could come out of this movie Cocktail 2 wouldn't be a bad one this movie has taught us anything is that the world needs more sequels absolutely

no arguments there. What was your Sex and the City, what was your funniest, America's Funniest Home Sex and the City 2 video? Funniest? Or best? Well, I don't know the name of the show. You named the show.

It's funniest. The America's Best Home Sex and the City 2 video for me this week was in the scene where they are all having drinks by the pool yes there's um i think it's in that one there's a dude in the background of course because i have massively checked out to what's happening in the foreground of the entire picture weeks ago uh in the background there's a dude who is in uh he's wearing a turban and he's in like traditional dress,

but he's having drinks and a very spirited argument by the look of his, the gusto with which he's throwing his arms around with a woman who's not wearing a knee clasp. And I was like, cool, man. Cross-cultural divide being, you know, met. Is that seriously in the movie? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I pointed it out to you at the time. I said it out loud.

Yeah, but I mean, to say that, you would be implying that every observation that we share between one another during the movie is observed perfectly. Yeah, and it's certainly not. There's a lot of stuff that slips through the cracks. Hey, can I give you a present? First, you give me one. I will not give you a present, Tim. What I will give you is present first you give me one I will not give you a present Tim, what I will give you is a gift ooh, how good does that sound for a kiss, is always a gift

we're in a new set up PS by the way as well this is probably more what it's going to sound like from now on so um feedback welcome, get used to it Tim showed me an article on the Onion recently which was exactly him Tim. Feedback welcome. Get used to it. Tim showed me an article on The Onion recently. Perfectly.

Which was exactly him. What was the title? It was Simon Sweetman actually put it on my wall, and it was Podcaster Promises Audio Quality Better Next Episode. Yep, sounds right. Dan Edwards has sent us something. He is at DanTheSmuggler on on twitter and this is what he sent us and i think it's gonna be a long long time till we know what the fuck is up with this guy

he's not the man we think he is at all. Oh, no, no, no. He's the coffee man. Coffee man. Burning out his mouth up here alone. And I think it's gonna be a long, long time Till we know what the fuck is up with this guy He's not the man we think he is at all Oh no, no, no He's the coffee man

Coffee man Burning out his mouth up here alone Take it, Tim. Take it, guy. Take it, Tim. Take it, guy. Dan, you absolute legend. Thank you for that. Yeah, that's a good laugh. See, there's a rule in parody songs. You just do one chorus.

Yeah. So there's a rule in parody songs. You just do one chorus. Yeah. It's perfectly mirrored the movie by going on slightly too long. But I love it. I love every second of it. So Dan, at Dan the Smuggler, thank you so much for that. Thanks for smuggling that one in.

You're a winner. Trafficking that one all the way into the podcast. There was a moment this week, Tim, which we both enjoyed, which was when Carrie and Big have a small disagreement over him watching television in the bedroom and then she gets up very early the next morning to sneak into her old apartment to get some work done. What would be an exceptional offering would be

for her to open the door to her old apartment and to have a whole new like family of tenants who now live in the apartment and she's still what are you what are you doing here she writes a note saying gone to my old apartment it's like okay sweet but the thing is if it wasn't an insane proposition that they because they own both these properties which just sounds ballistic and uh it would be far more realistic if there were people in there now. And it would be a better movie for it. It would be a much better movie for it.

If she had gone insane... What are you doing here? Kept her key and just periodically would roll into this apartment. But look, a family's in there now. There are some young kids and they are freaked out by this woman appearing at the door. They take out a restraining order against her. But you think that's going to stop Carrie Bradshaw? Absolutely not. No, go fuck yourself, Carrie Bradshaw.

And go fuck yourself, new tenants of her old apartment. It kind of led me to this belief, this movie watch, that the entire film might be Carrie slowly losing her grip on reality and we're seeing everything from a first-person perspective from her her so everything we see is not the actual action of the movie it's her perception of yeah exactly and she's actually in like a loony bin and uh and big is like asking for a divorce but she's just not getting it so in the big scene where big is saying i um i want to spend two days apart i want to have my own apartment for two days a week yeah what is actually saying is i'm getting a divorce with you in real life it's like carrie you need to get the help that you need to get and i can't be a part of

this anymore she's reacting to that argument by talking back like what you want to spend two days apart from me no all, all of them. We're getting a divorce. This is over. What am I going to tell the girls? Taking two days off? No, Carrie, honestly, you're not well. I'm out of here for a bit.

You need professional help. This was really happening. And then the whole rest of the movie is just like this construction that she's made. She never goes to Abu Dhabi. She's in a like a a mental asylum you know and so everything is her imagine she has created this entire holiday you know all the guys who are like handling her bags and stuff and they're all dressed in white it's because their nurses holding her down to sedate her man jesus christ yeah this movie's got more layers than i even knew about.

Samantha, right? Samantha died a few years ago. Samantha didn't make it. And what we're actually seeing is her projecting Samantha's persona onto a fellow patient who's constantly taking antipsychotic pills. That's why she's always having her hormones to treat her for her menopause, quote unquote. This 35th screening's bringing out some super dark stuff in you, Tim. I'm just spitballing here. I love where your head's at.

Do you? It's freaky, but yeah, I like it. It is kind of unorthodox that we played Dan's lovely coffee guy theme and then didn't rock into a casual little squeed up, eh? Casual little squeed up bop. A sweet little squeed up a sweet little squeed up a sweet little squeed up Where's he going?

What's he up to? Those are the questions we are faced with ourselves with. We're faced with ourselves with them every week. We are facing ourselves. We have now taken, just for clarity, so everyone knows visually what's happening in the room, we now record the podcast facing a full body length distortion mirror. And it's just wreaking absolute havoc.

It's messing with me big time. It's not a good feeling. And this is what we're confronted with every week now, is the distorted versions of ourselves. Put the question to us, Tim and Guy. Why is this man drinking so much coffee? What's he doing? What's he doing?

Where is he off to? Where is he off to? Do you know what he's off to? He's very nervous. Yes. Because you'll be playing the part of coffee guy today. Yes. He is very nervous because he is about to present

the annual Hand Awards for Best Hand Acting in a Motion Picture. Oh, I just hope somebody comes along to the awards. I mean, I've taken out several loans. It's a pretty niche idea, but I think hand acting has gone too long underneath the radar of Hollywood and the public at large.

I couldn't agree more, Coffee Guy. I think it's about time that the dedicated professionals and craftsmen and women who put their asses on the line every single week performing great handwork for us, they need to be recognised. You look at some actors, you know, Adam Sandler, recently terrible face actor, excellent hand actor, one of the best in the business. Is that so?

That's right. I didn't know that. Who are some other fine and talented hand actors, would you say? Ah, you're talking about, of course, your Marissa Tamei's. Oh. Absolutely phenomenal hands if you watch them ever. Ray Romano, doing his work in Everybody Loves Raymond. I mean, everybody's talking about that. We're him a lifetime oh i have fucking said too fucking much

haven't i ray romano is when is this going out to brawl this isn't going out for a couple weeks okay we're okay ray romano is getting a lifetime achievement award for hand acting services too that's incredible well you know he sleeps in a he sleeps he sleeps in a vat of moisturiser on a lilo. Didn't know that. And his arms just... Do you want to describe what a lilo is for our international audience? Sort of like an inflatable... It's like a pool toy, isn't it?

Like an inflatable mattress that you lie on in the pool. So he sleeps on one of those and then with a hand... Floating on a large body of moisturizer. Right. And he just drops his arms and hands in. And that's why when you see his hands in the TV show, it's why they look so supple. It's why some people, it doesn't even register why it's happening,

but a lot of people salivate when they're watching Ray Romano acting with his hands. So what is that about? What? Why are people salivating? Oh, just because of the smoothness of the hands. Oh, I see. The suggestion of the hands, the smoothness of the... Is that a normal reaction when you see something really smooth?

You just start salivating? Not always. Not always. But with hands... As it pertains to hands, specifically those of Ray Romano, absolutely. Right. How would you rate Sarah Jessica Parker's hand acting across her career? Flashes of brilliance.

Yeah. Flashes of brilliance, to be sure, but also moments of great laziness and sort of lethargy. She has the hands of a sort of occasionally, she sort of shows us the hands as they were in the days of Hocus Pocus, you know, this supple, smooth hands of a 20 to 30 year old. But in others, these sort of great lumbering

sort of beastly hands come out and they're the hands of a lady who has done too much. Now, I don't know if you're familiar with a 80s film called Flight of the Navigator that Sarah Jessica Parker features in. Oh, no. Very good film. I highly recommend it. It's about a boy who gets abducted by an alien

which sounds a little more nefarious It is fascinating The robot ship thing takes him on a big journey around Earth and tries to steal him So Sarah Jessica Parker's in that film and I reckon...

I would love to see. Her hand acting's pretty good in it, quite solid, especially given what you just told me about her sort of having inconsistent hand performances throughout her career. Still, yes, still bursts of excitement and movement and then just great patches of just sort of exhaustion, I'd say. Right. just great patches of just sort of exhaustion, I'd say.

Right. So what's your life been that you are a judge and award giver-outer for hand acting? I have lived a rich and varied life. I may not be wealthy in your money or coins, but I'm certainly wealthy in stories and memories and friendship. That's the main thing, isn't it? Well, I like to think so. I mean, something's got to get me through.

And so I occasionally frequent different cafes, coffee houses, sort of places wherein you can pay 99 cents for an all-you-can-drink sort of deal. Okay. Groovy, man. I like where you're at. That's what takes up most of my time. And then in my downtime, I hover outside sort of no-leemings or radio shacks or whatever you call them, sort of these best-buy type stores,

and I track all the footage played on all the TVs, and I chart the moments at which the hands move and those at which they're still. I've got a Rolodex. I've got 93% of Hollywood's hands on file, dating from 1984 to now. You're like a train spotter, but with hands. I've never really thought about it like that,

but I suppose I kind of am. You seem quite tickled by it, but also concerningly aggressive. Okay. Very good. What a fascinating man. Yes. Doing great things.

And so tonight is the launch of the first inaugural initial anniversary of the 2015 Academy of Hand Acting Awards, as told by me, Coffee Guy, sponsored by Gregg's Java. So you know how the American foreign press, the Hollywood foreign press, are the ones who determine who wins in the Academy Awards? Who is judging? Oh, why, me, of course. It's solely you just me

that's it that's right don't you think you could be too easily bought though by like someone who was trying to really pick up one of these golden hands impervious to matters of finance really how do you exist how do you buy your coffee i beg oh it's just on the street. We're in the cafe. Outside the coffee house. Right. Penny for a thought. Penny for a thought. They give me a penny, I give them a thought.

When I have 99 pennies, I have 99 coffees and I'm back out on the street begging again. That is an excellent idea because I guess the more drinking of coffee you would do, the more ideas you would generate. And so it's kind of like a... It was like that once my mind was a fertile creative breeding ground. It's like a perpetual motion machine.

It's like you're generating your own energy. Yes, until recently when my mind became obsessed with the first inaugural anniversary initial hand acting awards. Well, you've got to love what you do. You've got to get involved and love what you do. And that's all you're doing. So I say it's not necessarily an obsession. It's a focus.

And I commend you on it. I think you're doing great things. Thank you, kind boy. You're welcome. You better go, though, man. A lot of planning to do. Now, it's all set. The wheels are in motion.

No shit, bro. You've got to go. No shit, bro. I'm not leaving. No shit, bro. You gotta go. No shit, bro. I'm not leaving. Okay. Terrifying. Well, look, I want to talk more about this film Sex and the City 2 that I just saw.

So have you seen it? Seen it? I'm in it. Are you? I don't understand how this universe works, but I'm keen to find out. Well, it's simple, isn't it? You're in the movie. Yes, I might isn't it you're in the movie yes i might just so happen to be in the movie by mistake are you like playing yourself well it's funny really that the the real me translates so accurately to the me on screen in a fictitious film while everyone else

might be existing in a fictitious world i of course am absorbing my normal reality what well i just happened to be in shot i was just doing some planning in a borrowed suit having one of my 99 coffees before i hit the trail again and uh it just so happened i was so entrenched in my work i didn't notice the film crew set up around me do you enjoy all kinds of coffee? Do you like instant coffee? It makes no difference to me. I love it. It's just the sweet nectar that is java, which really keeps me going. It's just the caffeine. Why, if you took coffee out of my life, I couldn't tell you what I'd do.

Robusta, Arabica, you don't care. Just get it in you. That is correct. I like that philosophy about life. Would you like to ask me any questions about what the ladies would like to act with? Yeah, I'd love to hear about that. What's Cynthia Nixon like? A gem.

An absolute diamond in the rough. Well, I say in the rough, sort of in the clear now. She's made a wonderful career for herself and it's hard earned. What about Kim Cattrall? She is an interesting kettle of fish that kim i will tell you that is she uh she loves to sort of do she likes to do scats and uh and poems she there's no no she's sort of uncontrollable and untameable sort of free spirit sounds like a true artist well you say that but it's very disruptive on set, you see. She'll be halfway through a line and sort of go into a two-hour sonnet,

and then she'll come back and sort of come to, and, I mean, the whole scene's moved on without her. This is going to sound like a weird question, but there is a small boy in the movie called Brady. Oh, we do not speak of Brady. Why is that? I will have to cease this line of questioning. I'm sorry.

I insist upon us finding out a little bit more of your experiences with Brady. Because I know he's gone on to do some big, big things. How much do you know about Brady? I know that he's in charge of a lot of, let's say, underground happenings. He's not here. Well, of course, underground happening. He's not here. Well, of course he's here. He's everywhere. There's no rats in this room.

That's what he thinks. That's what he wants you to think. There could be rats anywhere. Rats in the pipes. Rats in the lights. We do have lights and pipes in here. That's right. I've got a trike outside too.

Well, there's a pretty bloody odd chance you've got rats inke outside too. Well there's a pretty bloody odd chance you've got rats in there as well. My god Well that's um okay. Frankly you've spooked me Have I? Yes But nothing happened. See this is the thing everyone thinks you say the word Brady and something bad's gonna

happen. Not always man See we're fine here We're all good. We're all good. We're cool, dog. Know what I'm saying? Yes, I like you. You just have to relax a little bit. I mean, God knows your adrenaline system is probably fucking shot from all the coffee that you drink every day. I am in absolute bits.

My bowels are pretty much hanging out my back. Your nerves are being absolute tatters by this point. I am not well. What's your sleeping pattern like? Sleep all to sleep to dream. Well, I mean, I remember the concept. I sort of understand how other people do it, just not exactly as it applies to me. Have you tried?

Tried? Have I tried? Of course I've tried. Why, every day I try. Every minute. I'm trying to sleep right now, you see. Really? Yes. Oh, God. That's why my eyes have been shut this whole time. You trying to sleep right now, you see. Really? Yes. Oh, God.

That's why my eyes have been shut this whole time. You haven't noticed? No, I didn't notice. Why have you painted eyes on your eyelids? Oh, why? So I can get away with all sorts of naughty little tricks, you see. Oh, man. You're a strange man.

Yes, I am a very strange man. I don't know if I trust you, but I know that I like you. That much I do understand. All right, I'm going now strange man. I don't know if I trust you, but I know that I like you. That much I do understand. All right, I'm going now. Okay. Very well. Strange character. What an interesting guy.

Fascinating man. A lot of people are waiting in on the King Brady versus Dick Bop. It's an interesting conversation to be sure. I've only encountered a couple of people who are backing Dick Bosh, but they've started coming up recently. Yeah. It just doesn't make enough sense for me. What, that Dick Bosh will win?

Yeah. Or the battle itself? Well, the battle definitely makes sense. Yeah. There's nothing ambiguous about a japanese created artificial intelligence which has found a body and now a home in the desert in the middle east to escape the eye of the nsa while hanging out with these four women and trying to find out about humanity going toe-to-toe with a guy who's in charge of the entire rat population of new york city and

perhaps beyond definitely always growing i wouldn't be surprised if brady is in charge of the entire rat population of New York City and perhaps beyond. Definitely always growing. I wouldn't be surprised if Brady is in charge of all the rats, probably through the Midwest now. Really? Maybe even as far as Texas. Wow, he's going coast to coast on this shit. Yeah. How long do we have before he hits LA

and he gets control of the entertainment industry? There's no telling. Maybe he has already. Ratatouille. Maybe that was like a red flag announcing his arrival you'd have to watch it again to know for sure i remember as a rompy pompy rumble tum turn through the streets of paris as told by an ambitious young rat and an ambitious young chef working in tandem. There's not a lot of other movies or entertainment products that are done by rats, though, that I know of.

Lots of videos of rats on the subway in New York fighting over pizza. Yeah. Which would, I mean, I guess. I think there's just the two videos, but they're appearing a lot. I don't think there's tons of videos. Tons of videos. Scores of videos. Yeah.

Hundreds and hundreds. Hundreds. Well, I put it videos. Yeah? Hundreds and hundreds. Hundreds. Well, I put it to you, Guy. Hundreds and hundreds. You've misunderstood how videos work. Tim, what was your shining light this week? I've already told you. It was that guy having dinner with that woman.

No, that was your America's Funniest Home Sex in the City 2 video. It wasn't the funniest. It was the best. Okay. That was my America's... Sex and the City 2 video. It wasn't the funniest. It was the best. Okay.

In that case, my shining light for sure, for absolute, absolute sure... Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a question of a doubt, is the haircut that Samantha's assistant has. Oh, yeah. That hairdo. Yep. It's mean. I'm into it.

Short hair on a woman's awesome. I dig it. You like that. Yep. It's mean. I'm into it. Short hair on a woman's awesome. I dig it. You like that? Yeah, it's cool. As long as you've got the right kind of face for it. But I mean, fucking do what you want. I'm not here to tell you what to do. But I think it suits some women more than others.

And she looks great. As it suits some men more than others. Some animals. Have you ever tried to grow your hair real long? Yeah, I've had long hair before. Have you? Yeah. I didn't know that? Yeah I've had long hair before Have you? Yeah I didn't know that How old were you when that was happening?

Like maybe 19 or 18 Because I imagine you would have looked like a very Before your facial hair started coming in Like a very Effeminate I wasn't going to say effeminate But let's go with that I did look quite effeminate

And with that long hair You just would have been a beautiful man That's kind of you to say. I wish I could relay that information to the 19-year-old version of myself. I didn't know you back then, so I could also be wrong. Maybe you were hideous. Anything's possible in this wacky world. Isn't it?

Do you want to know my shining light, Tim? Always. It was the guy, and I know we've probably done him before, but fuck he turned in a strong performance this week, the karaoke singer belting out foreigner he got in the background of so many shots and he was going hammer and tongs and the best part about it was when he got off the stage he took his microphone with him which means the guy is definitely rolling around town with his own microphone crashing every karaoke room in abu dhabi That is so good. That is so good.

What a great thing to do to be, like, one of those people who loves hitting up the karaoke all the time. And just BYO mic. Like, you've got this incredible... Bluetooth mic. Yeah. Fuck, that's good. Just drop in.

Like, he could hit 9, 10... Because it's good because they're open mics. But, like, karaoke's the definition of an open mic. Fuck, he's the man anyway i loved him oh good shit um well i would tell you what i would love to just have a little thumb through before we just wet my tongue yes flip some pages on um a big leather-bound book sitting in a very tall office space with a sad man looking out a window just in front of it. The only thing that he can turn to to lift his low spirits,

his sagging spirits at this point, is the aforementioned leather-bound book on front of which is inscribed Mr. Big's Big Book of Ideas. And then you open the book. Yeah, that's how books sound. Pretty good foley work. Yeah, that's excellent.

It's good for me. I'm picking up new skills every week from watching Sex and the City 2. And what is in the book? It's a device that Big has invented, which sort of works on the idea of Pavlovian conditioning, where every time you yawn, you get electric shocked. Wow, has that been done before? Not to my knowledge.

He's a bit of a trailblazer, Big. We know that about him. Why does he want to stamp out the yawn? Very rude in conversation when you yawn, so he's just trying to remove it as a thing that you do. But a yawn is like an involuntary... Is it, though? Yes. Is it, though? I'm a big yawn, so he's just trying to remove it as a thing to do. But a yawn is like an involuntary... Is it, though? Yes.

Is it, though? I'm a big yawner. I'm threatened by this immediately. It's physiological, which means you could probably train it out of someone with enough electric shocks. You will be looked back on as a barbarian for these primitive thoughts on yawning. Look, I'm not. I'm not the one calling the shots here this is on

so what's the plan john big big cena john big cena who spends his days inventing electroshock therapy to reduce yawning and his nights slamming the undertaker and the wwe is the undertaker even still going i'm very out of the loop with wwe uh i think he is? I'm very out of the loop with WWE I think he is I'm also terribly out of the loop But I found out recently he was I can't remember how long ago He must be so old Absolutely

I remember The Undertaker being around when I was a kid I think He was there in Sting's day Sting was good In my favourite outfit And Kane Yep Hard out

Anyway So look Hasn't The Rock done well Hasn't he though Would he be the most Yeah he would be Yeah the most successful To like transition

Out of wrestling And do something else Yeah He must be An illustrious career You know what it is It's that Million watt smile

Yeah God he's that million watt smile Yeah God he's got a good smile He does I love it And a heart of gold Big time Alright well look Guys

Guy has to leave He has to get out of here Yeah Don't you put this on me Ricky Bobby No I'm gonna I'm definitely gonna Well This is on you

Look we've talked We feel like we've been talking for hours We haven't really We've been watching a film we feel like we've been talking for hours. We haven't really. We've been watching a film for hours. Yeah. And talking for minutes. Mere minutes.

It's been fun though. It's been a blast. Oh, I love you if you can hear this. The movie though. Yes. That's so good. Make a noise that represents your feeling towards the movie. There you go. What do I do?

You go, man. I'll try again. I'll do another one. Fuck. Come on. Come on. Come on. This again.

Cool, all right. You get the picture. Hey, ladies and gents, thanks. Why are we doing it? No one knows, but we'll keep doing it for you. Kiss safely out there. Kiss responsibly. Kiss consensually.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Responsibly, just consensually.