The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Thirty Two - Tokyo Drift

Episode Date: October 6, 2015

Guy and Tim are in LA doing a live record during the #Audible LA Podcast Festival 2015. AND WHAT AN EPISODE! Guy talks masturbating to Lizzie McGuire, Tim's theory on where cheese comes from (again), the Grown Ups/Sex and The City cross over, random audience member's opinion on whether or not we're comedy geniuses (spoiler: we are) and all the Brady-loving, Mr Big Idea-ing, Shining Lighting, Coffee Guying updates you know and love.Special thanks to our sponsors Karma Cola and Audible.com! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's Tim Batt. God damn it, Guy. One of these days you're going to get it, and you'll shock both of us. Do you want me to come in right on the back, real hot on the back of that? 100%. Well, you gotta, I mean... Go again. Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the- It's me, Guy Monk.

It's not going to work, is it? Well, you changed what you were saying. This episode of the podcast is brought to you in part by Audible, which you'll hear more about in just a second, but also partially by the original... Karma Cola. The OG. The OG Cola.

What a lovely drink. I pour it on my cereal. I lick it from the sink. Love Carmacola. Love it in all its applications. What Carmacola do is they make a cola where it doesn't have yucky, bad, unpronounceable chemicals in it. It's got real cane sugar. Not that crazy aspartamine shit.

You don't want that in there. You're hooked on pure cane sugar now, though. Oh, yeah. Only the best. It's good for you. I've been watching Narcos, bro. I'm very educated on how the trade works now, though. Oh, yeah. Only the best. It's good for you. I've been watching Narcos, bro. I'm very educated on how the trade works now. You want the purest.

That's good. And Kama Cola don't put cocaine in their cola, but they do put cane sugar in there as opposed to high fructose corn syrup, which I don't know if it's true or not, but I saw a headline today that apparently high fructose corn syrup, they did a study, I don't know if it's true or not, but I saw a headline today that apparently high fructose corn syrup, they did a study, and it extends the amount of time that rats can recover from a brain injury if they're on it or something. I don't know.

It's bad for you. There's research to support every thought in the world. Yeah, that's true. And here's more about why Calmicola is good. Nine out of ten Tims agree it's the best cola you'll wrap your hands around and one out of ten tims is a fucking maniac ten out of ten guys drink karma cola for every meal of the day and ten out of ten guys just won the iron man in hawaii the results speak for themselves no one except guy montgomery recommends that you have that much kama cola. Kama cola by their own admission, like, you know what?

It's cola. Don't drink it all the time. But if you're going to have a cola, have a kama. Don't drink all of it all the time. Do drink all of it some of the time. You don't have to feel bad about the kama cola on a micro or macro level because it's got good stuff in it comparatively, and also it's good for the people who make it.

It's organic, and it's fair for the people who make it and stuff it's like it's organic and it's fair trade the farmers get a good deal you guys the village comes from you get it you love it and if you can't get it ship it who else is helping out sierra leone in the wake of horrible bolinas no one except you're bod shit. Here's the episode from LA Podfest. See you guys. Hello. Holy smokes. People arrived. Hello. Sissy T How you doing out in the crowd there tonight, live audience? I would like to welcome you all to the Worst Idea of All Time, a podcast in which myself, Tim Batt,

and that's when you chime in. And myself, Guy Montgomery. We watch and review Sex and the City 2 every week for a calendar year, and we just watched Sex and the City 2 for the 30th time. Hey-o! That's right. It's a lot. More than is necessary.

It's also, obviously, we're in a room with live human beings and arguably a few androids, very well disguised as it stands. But if you are listening to this in audio, this would fall, I think, 32nd in the canon of episodes. So it's the 30th watch, but it's the 32nd episode because of certain contractual nonsense that's going on. So it's the Tokyo Drift of worst idea of all time. Yeah, exactly. It's the perfect analogy.

This episode, actually, I'm going to name it Tokyo Drift now. So this is the one that comes two after, and you guys in this room right now are the first people to know this, two after the Paul F. Tompkins episode, which we're recording tomorrow night. Which is, while exciting, we appreciate the applause, does mean we'll be watching this two consecutive days. But we should be talking about this in the past tense because this is

being released in the future. Much like Back to the Future, we need to keep our timelines in check. So PFT, wasn't he great? Wasn't he the best guest we've had so far? Presumably. He could tank it. It's confusing.

Statistically, it's unlikely, but the guy could really have a bomb. He's due, right? Six years of hits, the guy is due to fuck one up. It sounds like you want old PFT to take a bit of a tumble. I would like that.

Just to know he's mortal. It would feel good. Find the chink in the armour is sex in the city. So, as it stands, obviously one of my first points of order is to address the circumstance in which we have watched and are discussing the film.

Oh, yeah. We're in Los Angeles. We're in Los Angles. I forgot to mention that. We're in LA for the Audible, hashtag Audible, Audible LA podfest. Hashtag Audible LA podfest. Hashtag Audible.

Hashtag Can You Hear Me. Hashtag Am I Audible dot com. And me? Hashtag amiaudible.com. And this is the first, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume last time that Audible have helped us bring this episode to you because they're a big fish and we are using tiny rods. Hey, do you know what service I've heard a lot of good things about but I'm yet to experience? Mr. Big's Juscuses Limited?

Yeah, yeah. I've heard a lot of good things about Mr. Big's Juscuses. What have you heard? Well, secondably, I've heard if you lot of good things about Mr. Big's jascoozies. What have you heard? Well, secondably, I've heard if you really want to enhance your Mr. Big... If you want to enhance the experience of sitting in room temperature semen runoff for an hour, the best way to do that is to accompany it with a lovely audiobook provided by audible.com. I'll bet Amazon's spin-off audiobook service has never had a more spicy run-in than that. That's right.

Semen run-off in a spark at room temperature, transitioning nicely into a family-friendly product that everyone can enjoy in the household. For whatever reason, if you find yourself in one of Mr Big's jascoozies against your will, but you still have access to some sort of internet device, a good way to enhance what is otherwise a pretty bleak mood, presumably.

Hold on. Would be to listen to an audiobook as provided by the great people at audible.com. I don't want to dwell on this for too long, but why do they have to be in the jascoozy against their will? I'm just saying such is the power of audible that you might find yourself

held in a spa filled with whatever against your will. Very well. But such is the brilliance of the service provided by the good people at audible.com

hashtag blazepizza. No, fuck blazepizza. We've talked about that. That you very may well find yourself enjoying a spa against your will on account of the great range of over 180,000 audiobooks provided.

You got it. You got it, buddy. I don't even have the screen in front of me. I know this stuff. There's leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers such as ourselves. We've actually read an audiobook. Why don't you try talking like a human instead of a Word document?

Why don't you see what that feels like? Nah. It makes me feel glamorous if I'm reading it like a robot. Glamorous? I think the show's really got a bit of sparkle to it. Glamorous sounds suspiciously like glamour puss, which is a word I'm trying to get off the ground at the moment.

Like a glamorous pussycat. You will not shut up about it. Like a pussycat with a diamante collar. Go to audible.com slash LAPodfest which is a custom hashtag. Custom 4 slash LAPodfestest. This is a custom hashtag. Custom for LAPodFest. You know, we're heavy hitters.

Yeah. You could get a great book like Julia Cameron's Reflections on the Artist's Way. Yeah, what do you think of that book, Tim, that you are familiar with and have even read the blurb of? It's in my to-do, that's for sure. And you get a 30-day free trial. And one free audio book.

So get that in you. That was a good plug. Was it? Yeah, to all the quality control people at Audible. Audible.com. Yeah. Well, we're off script now, bud. All right.

There's no safety net anymore. So let's get into it. Sex and the City 2. What did you think? You know, I'm still waiting for the tide change, Tim. But I'm still not a big Sex in the City 2 guy. It'll happen for you.

You've got to have the faith. Like, the logic would suggest there has to be some moment in which it becomes more tolerable. Do you mean within one watch or within our journey of multiple watches? I think either, either, both, potato, tomato. What I'm saying is, like with Grown Ups 2,

there was some point along the way in which we wound up thinking, hey, you know what, this isn't the worst way to spend an hour and 40 minutes. And I think accordingly, like, it hasn't happened yet, but I do think that we are due to actually enjoy ourselves at some point. I think the relationship with Grown Ups 2 was complicated, though, because we recognised that what Adam Sandler had done was create a business. He was a jobs creator. The dude's making a business. He was a jobs creator. The dude's making movies and he's just a jobs creator. So you mean to tell me the only time you enjoyed Grown Ups 2 when you thought of the good that Adam Sandler was sowing in the world?

I feel like that coloured a lot of it because we kind of cottoned on to the fact a bit later in the piece that this was basically him just helping out his friends and his family. And charging everyday humans for the privilege. But that's okay, because if you charge a million people, what do you pay for tickets here for the Flux? $12? Is that about right? You charge a million people $12, you know how many bucks that is?

$12 million. You got it. So you're only inconveniencing people a little bit, but what he gets to give to David Spade half a million. I would like to think I'm not alone in waking up in a cold sweat around 3am worrying about David Spade's financial stability.

I'm glad we're on the same page with that. But Sex and the Titty 2. Sex and the Titty 2. There's a spin-off in the making. Michael Patrick King, he's in it for himself. And then SJP. There's a spin-off in the making. Michael Patrick King, he's in it for himself. And then SJP,

there's a lot of cynicism that this film's been built with. At least Sandler was helping people out, but I don't think old SJP was helping No, you've got to look at the people

who are on the foley, who are dressing the mise-en-scene. That is a diamond on the CV, this film. You've got a lot of active audio work and you've got a lot of great set dressing. And I did think as I was watching it,

you know, a lot of the set dressing, they treated this thing like a salad and they were putting all of the sauces on. You know what I'm saying? This is balsamic ranch. Those don't go together. Whatever. Just pipe them in. No, there's a good analogy because much like a salad, this

meal of a film has no substance. You're waiting for the steak and it never arrives. It's just like, oh, fuck, okay. Another leaf of lettuce or spinach or whatever. We are going to create this meal metaphor, which we are doing. And Michael Patrick King is the hilariously discombobulated chef in the kitchen,

just grabbing disparate contents, going, no, we can do this, we can pull it off. Trading on reputation in a restaurant which has been past its use-by date for over 10 years. Still holding on to the Michelin stars, though. Digging up Parmesan from the back of the fridge, just putting it on in the hope that someone won't think

wow, this parmesan, I mean, even new parmesan tastes a little bit like vomit. That's the

funny thing about parmesan though, if it's new and fresh it tastes like vomit but if it's

old it tastes like cheese. You don't have a great track record with knowing what cheeses

taste like or are what. Whatever man. Whatever, man. Whatever. Strong comeback. Strong speculative comeback. Is this because of the halloumi incident?

Because you're not convinced that halloumi comes from really old... Feta. Feta. No. Goat's milk. I'm not, and I put it to the esteemed cheese eaters of the room. Of whom there are at least ten. Here's the timeline of

milk though. It's milk and then you leave it on the bench and it's cream and then you leave it on the bench and it's curdles and you get the whey that you use in some stuff and then you leave it a little more and it becomes a soft cheese. Now, when you go to the supermarket, Tim, they sell these things individually.

Yeah. So you don't need to buy milk and wait. You can go on and buy all of these different things. I know, because the supermarket's done it for me. Yeah. I don't need to buy and wait for it to turn into halloumi. That's what I'm paying for. What do you think the business model of a supermarket is?

They get a lot of milk. They get a lot of milk they get a lot of we're in the dairy aisle for sure they get a lot of milk and then they just have various like staging areas where it's been lying around for six months nine months you think a supermarket is like a science fair where they are selling products as they finish. Yeah. Okay. It's a commercial enterprise, and what you're paying for is that you don't have to wait around on your own time to wait for your fetter to turn into halloumi. I'm amazed that for such a fan of cheese, I'm having to explain this to you right now. I'm a little back with it. I was, yeah.

I came in confident. I'm leaving uncertain. I took notes, this watch guy. I was there. Can I kick off with my shining took notes, this watch guy. I was there. Can I kick off with my shining light, just to put us on a... Very confident. ...positive little hop in our step? I really like the structural integrity of the wedding cake,

because the wedding cake looks like it's been created by some sort of architect where it's multi... There's about six tiers on it that you can see. And one tier is, they're all kind of off-centred, and it's got the sticks that hold them up, which traditionally would go through the middle of a cake. It's like one's right here on the left, and then the one on the next tier is way on the right,

and it just evens out. It's a masterpiece. And I know we've talked about the wedding cake before because you suggested that it's got real diamonds in it and people are constantly breaking their teeth. Reading their insides, yeah. But they're too fancy to put their hand up and go, hey, it's not tasty. When I said that, I would like to clarify,

I was critiquing the diamond as a digestible, not as part of a structurally sound cake. At your wedding? At my wedding. When you get married, You glamour puss What say Yeah You glamorous pussy cat

You know how to talk me Into a wedding So Asgore You got me as a classy cat Would you So your like ideal Would be to have diamonds

On the cake And just Have everyone know How to deal with them Which is put them on the side And not eat them Is that what I'm getting In a land of fantasy

Yeah The whole thing is diamonds. Really? Diamond floors, chairs. It's a very physically uncomfortable, visually striking wedding. Economically unsustainable as well. How many people have you got at this wedding in the US?

I don't know if you've heard of a little company called Audible.com. But I've recently been talking to them as a sponsor. On the proviso I don't talk about jizz. We're not talking about their brand. You scratch my back, I won't talk about

jizz. I know how it goes. It's an old saying. Do you want to chuck your shining light in here? Do you have one? No. I've got regular notes I could try and reappropriate. It's up to you. I have written here, this is not a shining light,

I would like to kick off the potty with a kiss, and then in parenthesis I've written a gift, which is a new thing I'm trying, I think a kiss is always a gift, Tim. Accordingly, I'll give you a little, I'll give one on Mike. It's very tender. Tim. And accordingly, I'll give you a little... I'll give one on Mike. It's very tender. Not a shining light.

I'm just trying to do that at the start of every episode now to boost morale. I won't say I don't appreciate it, because I do. And I appreciate you. Yeah, no, I do have a shining light. Hit me. You want to hear about it? Of course. Yeah, you're in luck, because guess who has one?

This guy. And guess... Have we had too many beers before this? Yes, absolutely. We haven't had that... I don't know. I feel like... Because we've had... Since we got to Los Angeles from the Shire in the South Pacific, tending to our sheep and lambs, we've been out every

night, and we keep saying, tonight we'll take it easy. We won't go out tonight because we've got to keep our heads in gear. We've got to not kill ourselves before we get back to New Zealand. But consistently every night that has been thrown into the wind. You know what the thing is? It's just too

warm in this town. Yeah, big time. It's like the whole Los Angeles is built behind an extractor fan coming out of a kitchen. Oh, yeah. When you walk behind, you're like, ah, what is it? It's too hot. I can't wait for the sweet release of cool air.

Yeah. And then you keep walking, and it's just more hot. It's all kitchen. And there are people jogging, and you think you are aware we're right next to a kitchen. This is not a good place to jog. We saw Amy Schumer jogging today. Blew my fucking mind. She was walking.

She was in jogging gear though, so it counts. If you're in the gym equipment but you're walking, it's jogging. Does anyone know what temperature it was in Fahrenheit today? 92. I don't even think that's impressive to Americans. An American

would complain about 92. Sure, but this is a room full of Americans. Oh, you think 92's hot? You should go to the valley in the middle of summer. Now, we're looking at 130, 140. You're going to lose the loved one out there. You know what you want to do? You want to book yourself a nice beachfront home at the beach.

That's a maladue. That's a maladue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a maladue. A maladone is not doing that. Don't go in the water. It's contaminated with sea lice. Anyway, I don't know if you have sea lice here. I'm assuming you do.

I had a bad spell with them at an estuary in New Zealand. I think you briefly told me about this one. I broke out in a full body rash for a couple of hours. Not cool. It's disgusting. Anyway, the shining light. Anyway, The Shining Light. Hey, hold on, hold on. How similar to that is Scabies?

Because Scabies is like that, eh? Very different. Equally annoying. Scabies lasts longer. Have you had Scabies as well? No, but I've been around people with Scabies. What's going on with your skin, man? It's cool.

I look young. Not doing its job. You've got scales. The Dorian Gay of the pod... Gay. You are the Dorian Gay of the pod... Gay. You are the Dorian Gay of the gay. Correct. Very good.

Recently, I have just discovered I am an ageless gay. I thought I was an aging hetero. But, you know, you live and you learn. You do. Anyway, the shining light, as promised, but two hours ago, is the mug from which Charlotte drinks near the conclusion of the film. So, you know, remember, they're very rapidly... The teacup.

Yeah, they're very rapidly tying up all of the story threads which they did not feed throughout Sex and the City 2 and Carrie's old apartment, which her and Big couldn't sell on account of... The market was down. The market didn't lend itself to selling a home in New York. A multi-million dollar apartment. So instead they just held on to it. As one does.

As one does when the market experiences a downturn, Mr Montgomery. As the audience surrogate, which Big and Carrie and all of the characters in Sex and the City 2 are, they thought, you know what the people will relate to is sitting on your second property in the Upper East Side. I want to chime in, but I feel like you're sidetracking yourself so much already from where you're headed that I need to just butt out until you get to where you're coming from.

The thing of it is, so there's a cutaway as all the other story threads are being neatly tied up, so obviously Samantha gets to have sex with Dick Bot, the android, and Miranda gets a new job where her familiarity with the Pokedex is rewarded, and Carrie and Big just keep having sex and not watching TV.

And Charlotte, it's not really addressed. She's obviously going through huge relationship problems with Runkle from Californication. And she defers one day to the apartment, the unsold old apartment from the television series, and she's sitting on the couch there and drinking from a teacup or a mug, which is way too big for her hand. Big as her fucking head.

Yeah, it's the size of her head. If you saw this teacup, you would think that it's some weird Alice in Wonderland situation because it's completely disproportionate to the woman you're seeing carrying it. Absolutely. It's nuts. And it's something which I've enjoyed

and laughed about with you during the film, but it's never sort of occurred to me. It's so downcast to my, by this point in the film, it's never occurred to me to say it out loud on mic. So, in a two-and-a-half-hour film about a myriad of issues they attempt to bring up and never resolve, a teacup. Briefly on screen for us.

And you'll notice from the notes I took this week, at the top of this page it just says, Charlotte's mug, which I think could be an okay sequel to obviously the more well-known Charlotte's web. A spider finds a home in a mug. Across the top of one, Charlotte doesn't want to drink from it on account of feeling empathy towards a spider.

Charlotte the human and Charlotte the spider befriend one another. Runkle is the pig. And finally adopt a fully kosher diet on account of being married to Runkle for however long. Runkle and Charlotte have been married and sex in the city too. I mean, how many people in this room have seen Sex and the City 2? Just so we know. You can make noise.

We can't see. Okay, a few people. I'm going to say six or maybe seven. Well, God bless you. Keep your hand up. God bless you and your awful decision making. Hold on. Keep clapping if you saw it as a result of this podcast.

Two people. Such is the power of our product. Please applaud if you just watched it off your own bat for whatever reason at the time. Cool. Does this conclude the market research portion of our podcast this week? Yeah, we still haven't figured out

how to process the data, but it's nice to have on the table. You know who I loved this week, though? And we talked to him a little while ago and then he's blipped off the radar. His old pink jacket. Not you. Guy Montgomery. Pink jacket. Oh, yeah. His old pink jacket. Not you. Guy Montgomery.

Pink jacket. Oh, yeah. We love pink jackets. A lot of good... So there's an extra near the start of the... And it's obviously now... And even if you saw it, I mean, I'd be impressed if you remembered.

But there's an extra near the top of the film who dresses himself, or was probably dressed by the costume department, who were having a great time. They're having a ball in this movie. Along with the set dresses and foley people. He wears a pink jacket and he's...

Obviously, his only direction from Michael, MKP, as he's known to the inner circle of friends he keeps, of whom Tim and I are esteemed members, his only direction was, you just put on the thickest generic Spanish accent possible and find are esteemed members. His only direction was, you just put on the thickest, generic Spanish accent possible and find your light. Yeah.

Find your light, pal. Hey, Juan. I've named your character Juan. Find your light. Yeah. And he basically goes, hey, Juan, because he's American. Hey, Juan, just find your light.

We'll pay you by the second that you manage to get on screen. And accordingly, who is otherwise a bit part extra is literally leaning in to every shot. He does a stupendously phenomenal job of fucking up every take to the point where the editors would have got this steaming turd of

takes and go like, this fucking guy is everywhere. We can't get rid of him. MKP walks into the edit, oh, you're talking about Juan? Just cut around him. It's literally impossible, Michael! It's a wallpaper of a character and he has no lines. The guy is like sea lice!

He's just, like, it's amazing. He's like a Where's Waldo in reverse where it's like, he's always there and he shouldn't be. You don't have to look hard. He was only cast in the wedding scene. You can find him in desert scenes in the Middle East. Try and find the fucking scene around him.

Let alone him in the scene. There's a guy in a pink jacket and they're at the wedding and they're walking down the aisle. So there's a Liza Minnelli reveal. It's announced that Liza Minnelli is MCing or... You know the religious term. Comparing? Priesting.

The wedding. Aren't you an officiator of weddings? Aren't you qualified for that? I am a celebrant, yeah. Yeah, that's the word, celebrant. You are one. I got ordained by the Church of Life online as a 14-year-old. Does anyone want to get married in the room?

The piece of paper printed out. It's in my parents' house in a clear file somewhere. There's some printed off erotic fiction about something very embarrassing to masturbate to, I'm sure. Wait, what? I've got like a... There's like, I know, okay.

It's never occurred to me to say this. First of all, think this, or say it out loud, before, but there's a clear file somewhere in my parents' house, which has like, it's got stuff like the printed out, sort of ordained minister of the church of life or whatever, that means I can marry people. I like the thing. But also in that, I printed out, you know, we were young.

We were just before everyone had smartphones and the internet in their bedrooms all the time. Okay. And so, this is getting very... No, we need to get to the end. Very frank and personal. Yeah, but what else is in that file, man? Just like a printed out...

Little story? Yeah, like as a... Little story that you wrote? I didn't write it. Sexy little story? Presumably some sweaty 60-year-old dude hunched over a computer. It was a big illegal illegal fan of what the fuck are you talking about hold on it's just an erotic it's an erotic celebrity fan fiction that you

found not that you wrote that i located online printed and had in a clear file which i still don't know where it is at your fucking parents house i was 14 that's where i lived who were the celebrities in the... It's Hilary Duff. It was Lizzie McGuire. Hello. Hey, let me tell you something. You lost me five minutes ago with this story

and you just found me again, Fred. Anyway, look. Because that is a fan fiction I can get behind. Yeah, it's out. Look, but not... Anyway. Hilary Duff, gorgeous. What do you think she's doing right now?

It's something more productive and enjoyable. I reckon she could be in Sex and the City 3 Grown Ups in the City as like Samantha's long lost daughter. Oh wait, you can't do that with a woman as easily, eh? With dudes it's easy to be like surprise, you've got a kid, but with women it's like

wait, what? Yeah, I know. I can categorically say that is not mine. I think I'd remember. Anyway, so yeah. There's a clear file floating around somewhere in a family home in Christchurch, New Zealand, which has all of the most embarrassing memories of my teenage and pubescent years.

Good to know. If I ever need to hold some dirt on you that's where I'll go Your dad and me get along great too You do get along swimmingly Here's a question I want to throw at you though In honour of the Rugby World Cup kicking off today, which I know no one in America will care about, which is why I'm bringing it up

You could feel that announcement galvanise the room Absolutely And well done to Japan no one in America will care about, which is why I'm bringing it up. You could feel that announcement galvanise the room. Absolutely. And well done to Japan. Well done to Japan. And their huge upset against South Africa. I love it. I could tell you people anything you would whoop. At least a couple. Who's a rugby fan in the room? Oh, shit.

Okay, apologies. Those are different whoops from the people who whoops Japan. There was a room full of people who like rugby and not the Japanese rugby team. And there's a room full of people who love Japan and know nothing of rugby. Well, look, I hate to bring this up, but we're in America now, Pearl Harbor.

Well, you have brought it up. So anyway, the question I wanted to ask you was, the Rugby World Cup trials are apparently being held at the hotel where our four sassy ladies are staying in Abu Dhabi. What the fuck is the ruse? Because there's no such thing as World Cup trials. And if there was, they wouldn't be held in the Middle East in scorching heat. Yeah.

It's a winter game. Previously, we've prodded at this sort of plot detail, if you will, which you must, in which there's a Rugby World Cup trial happening in Abu Dhabi, which obviously this is insane. It's too warm. There is no such thing as a Rugby World Cup trial where they draw on the best rugby playing nations in the

world to go and play rugby in 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Or whatever. Clearly we don't understand Fahrenheit. But as more information is bled out with each watch,

and that's obviously how movie watching works, is if you watch it more and more, you get more information from it. It's not the same movie. It's always an ever-changing and adapting living, breathing being. The logic would be, surely, Tim. Yes.

And esteemed people of the room. And internet. Whenever you may be listening to this. You're awfully close to that communal mic. I'm kissing it. For a kiss is always a gift. And occasionally a disease, I'll find out about later. But what I am saying to you is that

whoever's in charge, presumably someone at the Pentagon or involved in the UN's international defense, they've pretty much assembled a group of highly trained athletes. Okay.

The cough is not for comic effect. It's a cough. Thank you for that stipulation. Why are people laughing at coffee? I don't get it. Anyway, I'm dying. So they've pretty much been like, okay, we've got, this supports your,

fuck, DigBot theory from the previous week. I think you can see where this is going. Feels like someone's trying to stop you getting this theory out. I'm getting a very 24 vibe, like someone has injected some gas into the room that's causing you to fuck up. I'm back, baby! Suddenly Jack Bauer's gone first through the door.

Pretty much what's happening is someone who's in charge of international defence and is aware of the threat posed by Dickbot... Yeah, you're back on Max93FM. Yeah, yeah. Hey, welcome back. So pretty much what's happening here is you've got the defense force who are gathering a whole bunch of, say, over 100 highly trained physical specimens to combat this one robot, a.k.a. Dickbot. Oh, the hand-to-take-down Dickbot. That's right. The only reason the World Cup trial ruse exists is to counter the threat posed

by this cyborg sent from, you know, wherever. Yeah. I was postulating Japan, funnily enough, so that all arcs back, doesn't it? I see what you've done there. Holy shit. What if it's like, oh. This is an

international relations nightmare and I feel like single-handedly we may be creating some trouble here but what about all the ill feeling that was created from Pearl Harbour has now translated to a payback Pearl Harbour 2 in the form of Dickbot Dickbot is Pearl Harbour 2 So Dickbot has been built by the Japanese army who

have yet to release the ill will that they feel, and fair enough about the backlash over their initial action. So this is round three. Yeah. Thoughts? I have no reason to refute what you're saying to me. In the spirit of both our friendship

and the energy of the room right now, it would be in my best interest to support what you are suggesting here's another question i'd like to throw at you guy i want to discuss what you think because it occurred to me during watching the film this day this day that we might be on slightly different um frequencies about br, the Rat King, and what his motivations are, and his moral compass.

No one asks to be a Rat King, for a start. What I would like to do first is just ask you, can you talk to me a bit about what you interpret Brady, the Rat King, as being, in terms of a dude, and then I'll see if we're on the same page. Bog-standard eight-year-old kid, whatever the number is, we'll call it eight, King as being in terms of like a dude and then I'll see if we're on the same page. Brady, bog standard eight year old kid,

whatever the number is, we'll call it eight. He goes about a pretty haphazard science project. Slaps it together. I mean, you know, the detail aesthetically very satisfying. Scientifically, there is no merit to it. There's nothing.

Nothing. In what he's doing. It's a salad of a science project. There's no substance. The kid is mailing it in. Absolutely. And there are obviously big problems at home. I mean, Dad, you know, he's around. He's a stay-at-home dad, but he's an absentee father. He's trying to get his spelling bee business off the ground. Mum,

a lawyer. And so he's just slapped together a science project, taken it to school. For whatever reason, he's won. Obviously, this is the teacher's efforts to placate the discovery that Brady's walking into. Brady is pretty much passive the whole way through his ascent to being the Rat King.

Can I just hit pause on that? Do you think Brady doesn't deserve to win at the science festival? I think I'm on the record as saying I do not think that a mouse maze a science project makes. I think, yeah, I think it'm on the record as saying I do not think that a mouse maze a science project makes. I think, yeah, I think it's a reflexive, defensive decision from the teacher to say this kid is on the cusp of harboring the power of vermin. We will placate him by awarding a science prize to him and accordingly hope that he doesn't wind up maybe, I don't know, and accordingly hope that he doesn't wind up maybe, I don't know,

harnessing the underworld that is the Rat Kingdom and taking over New York and eventually the world. Let me pause you there because the fine's going off, and it might be mine, I'm not sure. But if it's someone in the audience... Take it. Yeah, or give it to us, it'll be more fun. But equally, it might be me. So, yeah, my understanding of it is that Brady is,

he's sort of, it was thrust upon him. Some people are born heroes, others, some people are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them. I believe Matt Damon said that in the Titanic. Sounds right. I believe that the saying applies again. Okay, that's good. So we're on the same page with Brady, I think. I hadn't

kind of gone that in-depth about... Take it, but don't let it ring out. Yeah, there's definitely a phone going off. Make a decision on the phone call. Let's all figure it out. Oh, it's me. It's my phone. That it played the intro from. This is what I love about America. No one can understand

how to operate an Android device. It's like giving it to someone here, although I don't know how to turn this off. There you go. They're like, what is this alien technology you've brought into our country that's going to take over? It's just an Android, man. They're very popular now. Just look

at Samsung. Killing it in the Android space. No, I will not look at Samsung. Tell me, what do you think of brady it's hilarious that there was my phone though huh that is funny i do agree um brady so yeah no absolutely we're on the same page with this so brady i've always interpreted as being um sort of i don't want to say batman-esque but he's like kind of an anti-hero, is what he is. So he's a guy who we can actually trust to do the right thing,

but very dubious methodology of getting there, and you've got to break a few eggs to make some omelettes, or decapitate people using your army of rats to take out a villain. I don't think you're making multiple omelettes. I don't think the saying is you have to break a few eggs to make some omelettes. You make one omelette at a time. Well, not if you're getting shit done, which Brady clearly is. He's an ambitious

dude, you know. Multiple eggs, multiple omelettes, a lot of ovens involved. Like, not just the one stovetop. He's cooking up a feast. There are four stovetops on one oven. There are multiple ovens involved. This guy's making at least, arguably, five to eight omelettes.

While harnessing the power of the entire vermin kingdom, the guy's busy. He's getting shit done. But my point being, I'm glad that we're both on the same page with him. He's an ethically dubious guy who I think ultimately... I didn't say any of this. I'm trying to think of an example in film where

it's kind of like when you see the villain who just does kind of petty bad shit but then redeems himself at the end by sacrificing himself for the hero. That's who I think Brady the Rat King is. Just similar to Dickbot, who is pure evil. But Dickbot did not ask to be pure evil.

That was programmed by the Japanese. That's the beauty of his character. That's why he's such a rich character because you're right. He's a total victim of his own circumstance. He didn't ask to be an evil artificial intelligence unleashed by the Japanese onto America. He just was. He was born that way.

And that opens up a lot of discussions on the nature versus nurture thing. It's just a better movie than Sex and the City 2. It's waiting to be made. Yeah, I agree. And that's when Dennis Dugan, Adam Sandler, Michael Patrick King get in a round table, start throwing ideas around. Big time.

And probably, I would like to think, just cuss us out for several hours. It's a satisfying thought. Imagine Michael Patrick King and Adam Sandler met at some red carpet event and they're like, these fucking guys. That alone would make this worthwhile. Yeah, we can come back to Brady. There are other points, because, you know,

obviously, we're liable to get distracted. There are other points during the... We're liable to get distracted. There are other points during the... We're liable to get distracted from what? Whatever it is. What is this? Just out of curiosity once again, who in the room has never heard an episode of our podcast before? And don't be shy.

Applaud, applaud. Cool. What are you even watching? Are you Drew? Drew Davenport's here. He's a podcast superstar. Yeah, you give it up for Drew Davenport, ladies and gentlemen. You give it up for him.

So the thing of it is, though, I appreciate the curiosity. Thank you. And I appreciate anyone who would pick up a pen I happened to drop. And I appreciate the fact that there are people in here who aren't familiar with what we do who are taking a punt on a grunt, so to speak. But what... I don't know...

My friend said to me, do you want to come watch these guys discuss 62 for the 30th time? And you've got no context in the lead-up to that. That is not a strong offer. Yeah. Let's look at their schedule. Pretty sure Greg Proops is on at the same fucking time.

I think I'll give that one a pass. I'm pretty sure there's not such a context-specific discussion I could take part in and maybe understand. Anyway, what I'm trying to say... Hold on, because now we're back into the market research portion of the podcast, which I love. But why did you come here? You're an Aussie. Fantastic.

So when you said you're a fan of rugby you weren't kidding for real cool and how about you are you guys friends love it all aboard the friend ship

as Montgomery Burns would say we definitely should have mic'd you up for this you came here because you heard

we were going to be here we met you but yesterday evening I definitely should have mic'd you up for this. You came here because you heard we were going to be here. We met you but yesterday evening. You're a sweet angel sent from on high to placate our insecurities. It's funny when you don't mic up the audience as well because for the purpose of 99% of the people who will hear this who are not in the room right now,

any other side of the conversation could be happening. We're just filling in blanks. So I could be like, hey, so why'd you come here? Oh, you heard we were comedy geniuses? Well, that's very... I mean, it's a strong, strong term. It's not un-Jew, but I'm a little embarrassed to accept it as a Kiwi.

We're very shy. We're bashful people. That's right. Anyway, the original point I was trying to make was... All right. I don't think we should be watching... No. At the wedding, at the big gay wedding,

which pretty much... If you are curious, as a listener of the podcast, as to how long we can be interested in or engaged with the film, I'm pretty much taking notes and interested in what's happening all the way to the end of the wedding, which is 20 minutes out of the two and a half hours. Like, there's action and there's like cuts

and there are different characters and there's stuff to look at in the background of frame. It's pretty much from there forward that it's just the four leads just having huge problems with their great lives. And what I noticed this week, and you did too and we talked about it but I wrote it down, is that the wedding

is the direct, and this is much like the party scene in Grown Ups 2. This is obviously a big, long time spent on set, and they're just telling people to do something to make it... You know, just for an interest level, on the off chance anyone decides to watch this movie repeatedly... Is the only direction giving to all of the extras at the wedding is to keep dancing. It is honestly like Job from the Bluth family

was in charge of wrangling extras during the wedding and he just said, everybody dance. Everybody dance now. And there's no music playing in terms of the the lineage of the

like in the order of the film there's no music playing for a lot of the wedding but anyone you look at in the background of the frame is dancing

the whole time but dancing in a way like the movements are very much the movements of a person who has been told to dance with a fucking gun to their face

who's been dancing for too long no one's finding or feeling the beat they're just wriggling with nerves for their lives because there's not dancing at that point there's just like worm movement oh my god I'm so sorry Michael Patrick King

I'll do better I'll do better next take it's pure survival it's just a bunch of people wriggling to not be prodded or shot. And you can tell that when you watch the movie 30 times. The fear in their eyes

is real. It's visceral. I wanted to broach that topic this week. I wanted to bring up something and that is the treatment at the top of the film leading into the movie, or the wedding rather, which basically is the movie, or the wedding, rather, which basically is the movie for me,

that wedding scene or nothing. And what's the name of the jewelry store again? Bergdorf Goodman. Bergdorf Goodman. Does that sound like a familiar brand, Americans? Bergdorf Goodman. Does that sound like a familiar name to you? Bergdorf Goodman.

Bergdorf Goodman Incorporated. Let me tell you a little you? Bergdorf Goodman. Bergdorf Goodman Incorporated. Let me tell you a little bit about Bergdorf Goodman. Founding father, diamond maker. I'm Mr. Bergdorf. This is my associate, Mr. Goodman. It is mighty fine to meet y'all. Yeah. Big fans of jewelry, we would presume.

Anyhow, you were saying? I can't remember what I was saying. Oh yeah, what I was saying is, I really detest the manner in... Nice one, way to get me back for that chip gag. What I detest... Hashtag escalationation well done what I really detest

is the fact that Charlotte goes her best gay friend is marrying my best gay friend as if it's like two fucking pet dogs that they're doing

a faux wedding for it's detestable I hate that shit they are human fucking beings you do not own them. It's so awful. Like that whole opening scene,

that's like, I think you could feel, even in the performance, presumably, as all movies are, this one was shot in chronological order. And like, this is the first...

We understand the film industry now. We've been in LA for four days. We get it. It's confusing otherwise. How do you know what goes where? So and this is the first scene. So there's all of the actors getting together on set and they're about to

hoe in to the meaty script provided by MKP. And they get given it and they go oh wow, equal line distribution. This is going to be great. And they walk in, you know, because they all get given one zinger. Which is I understand as someone who hasn't really seen it properly, was what a lot of the

joy from the television series was built around, was that, you know, you finally got to watch four women frankly discussing their lives and all the aspects they're in. Finally. Yeah. And so the four of them, they all get given one line or whatever and they all like go, boom, boom, boom, boom. And in between, every

one of them delivering a line, someone drives a bus in between the lines. And there's no connective tissue between their zingers as well. It's just like MKP was contractually obligated to get all the women across the line to sign up. But you can feel the hope in them and the energy in that scene. It's like, wow, yeah, yeah.

Now, Mike, check this one out. Check out this little poppin' zinger. All the deep-seated doubts I had about doing this sequel for the last five years were misplaced. Maybe we'll have fun together. And I feel like that is present, even in the deplorable lines that they deliver. And so they aren't really even paying attention

to the detail of the script. They're just so excited to be back on. They're sort of just trying to... Rallying against the turn. You've got to catch up with a friend or you've got to do something. You've got to go and do something which you feel like you should be excited about

but you aren't necessarily excited to do and you convince yourself en route and even in the opening throws or whatever that activity is, you're like, wait. Hold on. Let me just plug a personal example out of the air. Say, for example,

you live in New Zealand your whole life and you go to America for a podcast festival which is all predicated on you watching Sex in the City 2 and you can't even look forward to that. Would that be a sort of sound example? Yeah. And so in spite of

the huge backlog of information you have about how you're definitely not going to enjoy yourself you start watching Sex in the City 2 just with the blind hope that maybe this time you'll push through and wind up enjoying yourself. This is what's happening on set on the first day that they're on set when they're at Bergdorf Goodman.

The four of them are all doing this. And I think by the end of the scene as they're delivering the sort of vaguely homophobic lines, they're all coming to terms with the fact that they're in for a very long time on set and a very long time in Morocco because they're not going to go travel and shoot in Abu Dhabi

because Abu Dhabi want nothing to do with the film. They're sitting in Abu Dhabi in spite of it being paid for by the Abu Dhabi Tourism Board, as we understand it. I feel like we should be wearing tinfoil hats right now. by the RBW Tourism Board as we understand it. I feel like we should be wearing tinfoil hats right now. There's only one thing that I can throw in the mix at this point because I see time's ticking away. Skibbity-bee, skibbity-bee. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Ho, ho. Hey-oh, skibbity-bee.

That lady's playing the saxophone. Skibbity-bee. Bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. Where's he going? What's he wearing? Frankly. That's the question. And the answer this week will be delivered by both of us in tandem

because we both know exactly what old coffee goes up to. We know both of the questions. We know the answer to both questions. And they marry up very nicely. This is going to blow you away. He is wearing a suit. You go. I'm showing off Mike to help you.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's how you help someone, by eating. He's wearing a suit made of titanium. You may be familiar with the Jackie Chan career revitalising the tuxedo. Yeah, that Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love, Hewitt franchise, which got off the ground like a plane.

Genuinely surprised you do know what movie I'm talking about. I can't say I've seen it, but I remember the poster. Of course, I haven't seen it either. No one did. I think the basic premise of that movie is Jackie Chan is sort of hapless and he's given a tuxedo, which is sort of a robot. It's programmed to know. I'm getting a thumbs up from a member of the audience. I'm on the nose.

So the guy is wearing a titanium suit, a suit provided presumably by the US government in anticipation of any upcoming attacks. That is exactly what the movie leads you to believe. Until it is revealed that said suit has been made by one John Bigg. From a big old book of ideas. You don't mean Mr Bigg from Bigg's Big Book of Ideas, do you? The very same. The very same man.

Mr Big Big, while wandering on his office one day, colourblind, aimlessly looking at the stock market, trying to figure out if it was up or down. We've never seen this before. Not only is Mr. Big colourblind, he suffers

from awful vertigo. I mean, the stock market... The 60th level office was a real fucking dick move. the stock market... The fact that they put him in that 60th level office was a real fucking dick move. The stock market could not be a worse place for this guy to be working. I mean, the man's got no built-in compass or sense of colour.

He is literally just in rotation every day. Just his whole life is guesswork. Bad time. So he's in there and his mind wanders a lot and to help his crippling anxiety from being put up on the 60th floor while suffering from vertigo is he often will flick on the TV

and lo and behold, what trailer did he watch? The Tuxedo. And that gave him an idea. I'm going to rip off the Tuxedo. So he just decided he was going to build the suit and then he teamed up with a noted science legend, Andre Agassi. You'll remember Andre Agassi from his book,

The Tales of Andre Agassi. This works perfectly because Big, in terms of the chronology of the film, the point at which we meet Coffee Guy, a.k.a. Jackie Chan, in whiteface, is... I forgot about that bit. Yeah, yeah. So this is when Carrie has...

She's gone off the grid, so to speak, to finish that article she's writing for Vogue to promote her upcoming book, I Do, article she's writing for Vogue to promote her upcoming book, I Do, Do I, A First Year Guide to Marriage. So he might project a confident air, but the guy is paranoid. He thinks Carrie's onto his vertigo, his colorblindness, the fact he's been losing their money for over 10 years. He pours what remains of their savings into the suit and into Agent Chan, who then, he's tasked with following Carrie around New York. So Carrie thinks she's out gasbagging with the gals.

Guess what? Big's got a mole right next door. You dig what I'm saying? I absolutely do. The audience might be confused by the fact... Of course, I know the plot of this. Yeah. It's the story.

But the audience might be a little confused that it seems like Mr. Big's chief character point is that he's losing a lot of money, and the way he solves that is by following his girlfriend around with a guy in a titanium suit which doesn't seem to solve any of those problems.

You know the thing is when you're in the depths of despair you're not thinking straight. Exactly. You're not processing each problem individually. They all meld into one sort of hellscape and you're just trying to fix things as they occur to you and accordingly you don't

get anything done because you're just in a panic. And this is the circumstance in which Mr. Big finds himself. But, I mean, yeah. Beautifully, we both know the ending of this tale. Well, which is the most obvious set-up for a sequel in the history of cinema. Correct. Michael Bay would do well to learn from the end of Sex and the City 2,

in which there is the nationwide power surge, obviously from the Pentagon, the source of all American power. Because Brady the Rat King has found a way to just throw his armies. Not a lot of people know this, Americans, but all of the power in your country is generated from the Pentagon. That's right. There's one 200-watt plug. Yeah. There's just been daisy-chained on a bunch of multi-plugs.

There's a multi-plug and then an extension cord. And if you look... Actually, I don't know if you guys have looked at America from satellite before, but you can actually trace the state lines from the extension cords running across the land. It's like the Great Wall of China, but a lot more dangerous. Yeah. And thinner, because they're only this... I mean, they're not land. It's like the Great Wall of China, but a lot more dangerous.

Yeah. And thinner, because, you know, they're only this... I mean, they're not water... It's risky. What are you guys doing? This whole room... Brady has figured out that the economic powerhouse of the free world, the United States of America,

has one chink in its armour, and that is the power grid, which seems haphazardly put together at best. And he's just thrown his armies concurrently, all of those rodents together, focused on the Pentagon and who's going to save them? Interestingly, Mr Big

and his agent Chan, Titanium Soup Man. That's right. We don't find out how it goes because it's a franchise and you're going to milk that shit. You can't just set up something that interesting. I say as people leave the room. And some people would say

it's an anti-climax, which dangerously seems like something weird teetering over the edge of creating. I beg to differ. I beg of you to have a different opinion from you. Me too, kind of.

It's the origin of that colloquialism, begging to differ. To be honest, this is... I grovel to ye. We've... On my knees. To have an alternative opinion. We've got to call it off, mate. This has gone too long.

This conversation? Yeah. Absolutely not. No, it's gone too long. I've got to stop running down. Sorry, what did you just say? I'm from where you're from and I didn't understand what you were saying.

I can only imagine what other people were hearing. I've got stuff written down. I'm going to, in all seriousness, I'm going to give you 90 seconds to wrap up. You're like three different points. Okay, first of all, Tim, do you think we'll be friends, A, forever, B,

a while from now, or C, not after February? February 2016? Yeah. I reckon forever. That's very sweet, thank you. Next. Okay.

Secondably, I know the clue is in the title, and then in parenthesis I've written the word sex, but if I know I'm surrounded, I do not have the confidence to have sex like that. No, the context is obviously everything.

I know what you're talking about and no one else does. Yeah. No, so the thing of it is, Samantha, and this is the issue with watching the movie and not having seen the television series, but I understand Samantha's character, she's rambunctious, she's confident. 45 seconds.

She enjoys herself as and when she pleases sexually, but in the film she winds up having sex at the big gay wedding trademark Michael Patrick King with like a concrete layer called Nicky, right and they're having sex and it is they are sandwiched in between two rooms one in which her friend Charlotte

and husband Runkle are sleeping with their two children and the other one which Big and Carrie are and they are fucking so loudly. 20 seconds. It is shaking the very foundations of the wooden New Hampshire house. What I'd like to say to you, Tim, is I don't know. I don't know. I think that...

Sorry, I'll stop the clock. It is a really mean thing to do to you. I'm sort of bearing my sexual soul to you. Yeah, I know, I apologise. So, what you're saying is... I could not... What they're doing is... I shouldn't have put chips on stage.

What you're saying is you couldn't have sex with someone that loudly at a wedding when you know that there's heaps of people you know are around. Is that the gist of where we're headed with this thing? You know, when you boil it down to its composite parts, it doesn't feel like it was worth bringing up. What was your third point? Yeah.

What I'm trying to say is I don't really love having loud sex when I know people can hear. I just needed a room full of people to know that. It's not relating to sex in the know people can hear. I just needed a room full of people to know that. It's not relating to Sex in the City 2 at all. I just want that to be on the record.

What's your third point? Fuck you. Come on buddy, bring it home, bring it home. Let's do this. I just brought it so far home. I have given two deeply personal details. I had no intention of sharing.

I literally can't remember the first one. I know it happened like four minutes ago. I don't know what you said. It won't be on record. Look, you know, man, I like you so much. I really do. Oh, that's right, friends forever. Yeah.

How ironic. So, no, see, hey, no, I want to hear the third one. Come on. The other thing I've written down, I've got, I don't know why they really hone in on Carrie's eye makeup purchase and subsequent use. Yeah, you remove context. These sound like the ramblings of a madman. No, listen.

Hey. You give Montgomery 20 seconds in counting down, suddenly they make perfect sense. How dare you? How dare you? Because you're right. How dare you in you attacking yourself, not how dare you by coming up with the original point.

I was trying to attack you. Let me tell you something, folks. The Carrie eye makeup thing makes no fucking sense. She's gone to Abu Dhabi. This is a chick who brought with her, like, 80 pieces of luggage. She's got ample amounts of makeup that she's brought with her. Even if they're on a PR trip, there's no doubting this lady had to pay for extra baggage.

Totally. But the film pays special attention to the fact that Carrie, when she is in the souk, buys special eye makeup. Like mascara, right? That's just there in Abu Dhabi, which she doesn't need. And you see her buying it. You see her paying for it. You see her talking about it. You see her putting it on. There's a shot of her tearing an off-brand

mascara from like a whole sort of, there's like a laid out, like this long sort of, there's just, it's all just individual tubes of mascara, and you see a close-up of her pulling it off. There's no brand name recognised. Like, this movie is all advertising. There's nothing to tell you what this product actually is.

But there's still a very intense shot of exactly what she's tearing off. It makes no sense then. And then later in the movie, when she's preparing for a date with Aidan, so she can cheat on who she's discovering is a pretty unreliable financially and emotionally husband, there's another shot of the same off-brand mascara. Neither of them amount to any... Do you know what?

In saying it out loud, though, to a group of people who don't know it like we know it, and it sounds condescending, but you will never know this movie like we do. That is a fact! Finish your sentence, Bubby. What were you saying? This is the red herring of the

film from the advertising department. If we chuck in a couple of off-brand... Sobu. Mr. Big walks in with Sobu. Sobu Fusion. And there's a very gratuitous shot of Sobu. I've googled Sobu. I want to eat it. Sobu. Sobu fusion. And there's a very gratuitous shot of Sobu. I've googled Sobu. I want to eat it. Sobu has either never

existed. I sound like Charlie Kelly and it's always sunny. There is no Carol from HR! No. There is no... That is the best episode of television ever made Absolutely

Fuck that is good Get rid of that pen, I'm sick of it There is no Sobu Fusion from New York Really? So this is the people who sold brand space And this lends itself also to that huge billboard With nothing advertised when they're driving through the plains of the Middle East Just got a dude's face

They've got at least three things in which there's no actual advertisement There's nothing they're driving through the plains of the Middle East. Just got a dude's face. They've got at least three things in which there's no actual advertisement. There's nothing they're selling because it's like, well, if we put in a few things that don't exist, it will distract from the fact that Bergdorf Goodman and Louis V and all these other bougie brands have paid a shit ton of cash to get

this thing done in the first place. I've lost it. Suzanne Somers, probably the best example. But I get what you're saying. You're saying that if you put enough fake brands in, you can't see the wood from the trees of what's paid advertisement and what's just there for the universe of the film. Word economy, baby. I'm going to wrap up on this

because I theorise what has happened is they've tried to sell the ad space, haven't got the figure they were looking for, and are so fucking vindictive that they're like, we're keeping in the slot, we're not filling it. Just to fucking show them what could have been. So they went to Max or whoever makes makeup, and they were like, you know, let's have a talk, let's see if we can make something happen.

Doesn't get across the line. Fuck you. All the screen time you could have had is remaining in the cinematic cut of this film so you can see what you could have had and you didn't get. That is exactly correct. And do you know what I noticed for the first time this week? I thought I had an absolutely fantastic spot, actually,

of paid advertising in the film. It's this great new sort of crowdfunded startup called Kik's... No, what's it called? Audible. Audible.com. Audible.com. over 180,000 books. Over 180,000.

Would you believe that? You can't even count that high, idiots. Over 180,000 books. Now, a book, imagine a movie, but it's hard work and boring. You are now thinking of a book. You know that movie, The Martian? It's got, what's his name? Matt Damon.

Thank you. From the Titanic. You sure know your movies. That was a book first, apparently, and the audio book is available from audible.com, so just use the code audible.com slash LAPodFest. That's right and what you'll get

is a free book and a 30 day trial for this great service which frankly I can say I can't get enough of and I say that in the same way

like I can't get enough of sort of gold bars because I've never had a gold bar. Oh baby we've got to close these threads off we can't start chucking new threads in.

What I'm saying is, while I might not know Audible, I've never kissed Audible. And every kiss is a gift. I understand it to be an outstanding product. Very good. Ladies and gentlemen, Guy Montgomery. Ladies and gentlemen, Tim Batt.

Thank you so much for coming out. Have a wonderful evening. You're the real stars. Now, I'm not sure how long we've got this room for, but I'll bet there's a lot of bladders out there that need emptying. So if you want to take a leak, do it now and freedom. Yeah. Free from, you know from scorn or embarrassment.

So do we finish and you're still talking to the room like they're a captive audience? Yeah, absolutely. Because aren't we going to do a Q&A if anyone had any? Oh, yeah, yeah. We want to get some things. How long do we have the room for? Hello. Okay.

Okay. That was a decisive female voice I like that anyone with any questions or theories pertaining to either of the two films with which we're familiar predominantly if someone

can give us a good coffee guys if you're waving I'll come around are you gonna go no come on come on no I'll run around he's already on his way

oh my goodness ladies and gentlemen it's Travis McElroy my brother my brother and me No, come on. No, I'll run around. He's already on his way. Oh my goodness. It's Trevils McElroy. My brother and me. Hello. I had a question and we were talking a little bit about it the other day. I haven't watched it and I will not. You brave and hardy soul.

Does it ever hit the point of good-bad? Like the room or that kind of idea of like, oh my God, if I got a group of people together, it would be so bad, it'd be good. Sex and the City 2? Yes. So, if I may? Yes, please.

Luckily, it doesn't. And we were really, no, we were fucking worried about that when we picked our second film. So, Grown Ups 2, with both films, they're so slickly produced, and there's so much money that's been poured into them that they don't achieve that level of enjoyable badness. The Room's the perfect example of that, where it's just like, whose

hands are on the wheel here? Just one dude, and he's insane, right? And he's funded the whole thing himself, and it's just a glory project for him. But luckily, the studio had enough involvement to polish that turd to the point where you're like, oh, a shiny turd looking rock. Interesting. So you can't grab onto the badness

of it. The only reason we picked Sex and the City 2 is when we were making this little video to say thank you to our fans and we did the reveal that was like and we're going to do it all again for season two, we experimented with a couple images and that movie poster of Carrie and the Desmond...

It was the funniest possible reveal. Hilarious. Fucking dynamite. And sort of running concurrently with the runtime, we laughed at it just maniacally. As an idea, not as something we would pursue, but just as like, it's no consideration for what it meant.

But I'd go even further and say, Grown Ups 2 eventually, like, we were lucky enough, when we watched it for the last time, we were in a cinema full of people who had heard the podcast and sort of knew the trigger moments which we'd enjoyed. And there was, in watching that, the satisfaction of like something say The Room, wherein you can all

grab onto these moments and say, yeah, I remember that, I remember that. Sex and the City 2 it's so long it fucks you up if we were to watch it it's just a competently made terrible film, if we were to watch it with a room full of people who have listened to

even every episode of this season of the podcast I don't think, I think everyone would walk out, you're like tired and broken, I don't think, I think everyone would walk out, you're like tired and broken. I don't think there'd be that sort of like, sort of galvanising energy across the room of like, yeah, because, like all the things

we talk about, like cumulatively they make up less than 20 minutes of the film. So you've got another 2 hours and 10 minutes of movie, which you're just wading through to get to the trigger. Does this answer your question at all, Travis? Perfect.

Yeah, okay. Thank you very much. Thank you, Travis McElroy. Travis McElroy. And if you people out there don't listen to My Brother, My Brother and Me yet, you're goddamn sure because it's the best podcast around. Has anyone else got a... Hello.

Come up. We want to see you. We'll see them. It's okay. Thank you very much though. Why if it's not Stuart Goldsmith, ladies and gentlemen, from the Comedians Comedian Podcast. Hello. You remain the only other podcast that I've advertised from my own podcast. Thanks, man. Thank you.

Happy to be on the... What was the other one though? What was that? What was the other one? No, I said you were the only one. Oh, we're the only one. His one and our one. Fantastic. Such generosity of spirit. I'm a colonist. Get in the light street so people can see you. I'd first like to point out the

irony of the fact that it is Guy Montgomery who is currently battered, when it is actually Tim Batt that stayed up all night the other night. And actually, my question is, which of the two of you is the biggest lush? Fuck, that's a good question. Could you please give us a working definition of lush? Drunkard.

There we are. Oh, now, I like... I like a tipple as much as the next man. Yeah, I like a bear as much as the next guy. No, I'd like to say on balance that we sort of, we take turns. And like, I think that... You sort of do take turns.

You're not both battered at the same time. Just so we don't completely tune out the audience, that's so lovely to come and watch this. Yeah, I didn't sleep for like 40 hours and then was just sort of, I definitely have to go to sleep tonight, and then I just didn't again. So I just got drunk again and kicked up.

But it's sort of... Someone is applauding Tim's terrible disrespect for his body. Lovely applause. I think our approach to drinking is similar to the podcast in which there's some sort of weird counterbalance. A seesaw. If I see Tim sort of really having a crack at, you know, sinking a few brews so to speak, the amber nectar

if Tim thinks it's bare o'clock I'll pull back. So I will get to A, enjoy Tim in all of his drunken glory and B, clean up after the mess that is Tim. And vice versa. Yes, absolutely. We've got each other's backs, Stu.

So, first equal, friends forever. Thank you, Stu. I have a follow-up question. Please. Given that you got tattoos regarding, have you shown those tattoos to this audience? Have you been in the room the whole time? I have not been in the room the whole time. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know what underwear I'm wearing, so hold on. I'll do it. I don't know. Yeah, we've got tattoos. So you've got tattoos. So my question is, you've got the tattoos. Get your cat off while he's talking. As I understand it.

It's a song. No. Look at that, ladies and gentlemen. In all his glory. Patrick Schwarzenegger. Happy birthday, Paddy. Paddy Machine! As I understand it, you got these tattoos in order to... They were an incentive that on a crowdfunding website, Indiegogo,

you got enough money to take yourselves to America for the thing. Presumably, you're going to try again this year to come back to America for the finale of this season. Or the United Arab Emirates. Or Morocco. Or as you say, the UAE or Morocco. My question then is, presumably the fans

are going to be hungry for you to do something even more extreme and permanent. Give us $4,000 and we'll both get lobotomies. What the fuck do you want, man? Mic drop. Thank you very much. Stuart Goldsmith, everybody. Does anyone else have any questions?

Please come up. Alternatively, if it's not a question you have and you may have a theory about what he is doing or where he is off to you're allowed to share that as well

okay what's your name sorry George everybody round of applause for George he's an angel handsome guy George Zimmerman yeah

yeah I saw you yeah I saw you yeah that is unfortunately my name it's cool it's a fine name don't let some douchebag get you down, man.

Thank you. That means a lot. I actually have a question about the tuxedo theory. Yes. So you were talking about... You know, it's very honed. Yeah, yeah. So let me just open with that.

I can't remember if you landed on Pearl Harbor 2 or Pearl Harbor 3 for when Dickbot invades the United States. And I was just curious about when inevitably civilian technology gets repurposed by the government to defend the country, and Tuxedo Guy and Dickbot have to battle, what's going to happen during that battle? Look, a round of applause for such a fantastic fleshed out question. A tremendous question. I would love to answer it, but I just don't think we've got enough time.

Sure. Rest assured, we will be digging into this. Rest assured, we will be digging into this. Rest assured, it will be uncovered over the coming weeks. But what you have asked for is essentially an improvised fan fiction. That's true. And we are pressed.

It's just so dense. So detailed and smart was the question. I literally did not understand the second half of it. Let me say this, though. The battle is long, and we lose a lot of souls along the way. But we just, unfortunately, within this format and this room, we don't have enough time to explore the entire thing.

But we will. I would like to borrow a quote from Jeff Goldblum in a little-known film called Dead Poets Society. I believe he said, in a little known film called Dead Poets Society. I believe he said, "'Oh, Captain, life finds a way.'" Thank you guys. Is there anyone else? Is there nobody else?

Yeah, come on up. Hey, we've met before. Yeah. Introduce yourself. Welcome to Hey, we've met before. Yeah. Introduce yourself. Welcome to the stage. Introduce yourself. Gage. Gage, a tall glass of water, everybody.

Gage, come up on stage so we can see you. And hit us with your question, my friend. I incidentally regret giving you stage instructions. What's your question, man? I apologize. I apologize. That's okay. So, I have another t apologize. That's okay. So I have another

tuxedo-related question. We literally made this up. Let the man talk. Okay, yeah. I've seen the movie back in 2002, 2003, and Jackie Chan was a ballet, and the tuxedo was

a government-issued weapon that... That's right. I don't know why I remember this one. We all remember. Yep. Did very well at the box office. It did.

I don't think it did. Okay. But I didn't see it, so I don't know. I agree to disagree. Finish your question, though, Gage. I don't... Anyways, so is it possible that Mr. Big is Jackie Chan, just in whiteface?

So Mr. Big is not who we're attributing Agent Chan to. It is in fact Coffee Man. Yeah, Coffee Guy is undeniable. Loath as I am to correct you, Gage, because you've really, you've grabbed onto a thread we've just created. Sorry, I was

thinking of TF Changs the whole time. Yeah, fair enough. As is your right. But no, no, no. As a racist. Categorically. I thought George Zimmerman already got off stage. Am I right? Oh!

Hey. I know, that was more of an AO. I wasn't trying to terrify my friend Tim. Look, no one here wants to offend anyone. We're probably already. What I'm trying to say is that Jackie Chan is in whiteface as coffee guy and Mr. Big is Chris Noth

or Knoweth as he's known on the Bible Belt. Pretty much we appreciate the theory but it is inaccurate as it stands. Round of applause for Gabe. Give it up for Gabe. What is our time at? Ten minutes?

I'm going to sit down. Down the back, you put your hand up a few times. Please come on up. Address the room. Wonderful. Thank you. What's your name, sir? Nick.

Nick. A few episodes back, you went into Steve really deeply and got into his interview with his manager. Did he speak to you at all today? Steve? Steve. Is he around? You mean in terms of watching the movie, did Steve maybe come out of his shell?

Did anything come out to you? You know, Steve, he's a flaky guy. He's got a lot on. And he didn't really have a lot of time to come out and say, how you doing? Doing. D-O-O-O-O-O-O. And the word in the wind.

The answer is no. Was that more lines than he had? Yeah. Thank you, Nick. Thank you, Nick. Great question. Ian, everybody, welcome to the stage. Ian, a sweet angel, another sweet angel.

Hit us with your rhythm stick, Ian. All right, so serious business. Hold on. Let me get that mic out of the stand. I'm having some problems with my girlfriend. I've got this rash.

The problem is I haven't got one. Believe in yourself. Yeah. Never. Round of applause for, no, no, no. Season three. I have a pitch for season three. Fantastic. You're going, you're not going to like it.

You're streets ahead of us right now. Yes, but do you actually say streets ahead? Streaks. Oh, I say streets. I don't have this to say. Let the man talk. Okay. Very sidetracked.

Season three, you've watched Grown Ups 2 and Sex and the City 2, and I think it would be hilarious if for every week for a year, you watched Citizen Kane and grew to hate that. That is my pitch. I would like you to react. Beautifully phrased. Everybody, round of applause. Thanks, Ian. You know, Ian's on his way to becoming a congressman, Beautifully phrased Everybody round of applause Thanks Ian

You know Ian's on his way to becoming a congressman And the thing that's going to get him there is his directness I haven't seen Citizen Kane So it meets that criteria I'll tell you two reasons why it's not going to happen The first is Citizen Kane is a beloved film And I have Yeah I get it The second reason though The first is Citizen Kane is a beloved film.

And I have... Yeah, I get it. The second reason, though, is I am... I know we're a ways out at the moment. I'm pretty convinced there will not be a season three. Yeah, just for clarity, in a dream world, Tim and I would find an alternative podcast concept that we both are mutually enthused by,

which would not involve quite literally jumping into a blender every week. We've really been hung by our own petards on this one. Yeah, like, yeah. Is that the word? Petard? Petard. No one knows what it means or what a petard is, but we all just say, yeah, yeah, yeah. no one's going to be hoisted on a patard.

What's a patard? That's terrifying. And that is our reaction, Ian. Thank you for the question. Do Joe Dirt 2. Pardon? Do Joe Dirt 2. Joe Dirt 2.

Ah. I thought you said Citizen Kane 2, to which I would say, yes, sir. I've got a lot of fondness in my heart for Joe Dirt 1, though. I haven't seen it in a cool decade and change, but I loved it when I first saw it. We've probably got time. Yep.

What's your name, sir? David. David, ladies and gentlemen. He's a goddamn superstar. I'm going to keep this real brief, but as obvious experts on both of these movies that you guys have done, which lady from Sex and the City ends up with

which grown-up? Fucking excellent question, David. You legend. I think we've speculated. We have. But we've never really... And it might change, actually, from our original answers, but

here's how it carves up. Do you know what we should do? Yeah. We should both shut our eyes. Yeah. And one of us should... So I'll do grown-ups characters.

Okay. You do sex instead of two characters. We'll both shut our eyes. Yep. And at the same time, we'll say out loud one of the characters.

We'll take turns and we'll alternate who goes first. Exactly at the same time. We'll pair them off. But then how will they hear what we're saying because it's the same time? We'll say it at the same time. We'll pair them off. But then how will they hear what we're saying? Because it's the same time.

We'll say it at the same time. No, we'll say them at different times. No. We'll say it at the same time then we can discuss what we say out loud. Okay.

So shut your eyes. No, wait. No, hold on. That doesn't make any fucking sense. It works perfectly. We both shut our eyes. You say a character

from Sex and the City. Five, four, three, two, one. Miranda. There you go. Miranda and Laminsof.

That would work. That's a relationship that would work. What Laminsof needs in his life is a strong female presence. That's why he's always gravitating towards his mum. Sally isn't strong enough to keep him on the porch. That came out weird. Miranda is a lawyer. She is a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants,

and she is very articulate with her needs. Five, four, three, two, one. Cuss rock. Mackenzie is his character's name. So what we've got here, obviously, is Mackenzie, is his character's name. So what we've got here, obviously, is Mackenzie, the layabout cable installer,

and Carrie Bradshaw. Both of them have a lot of time on their hands. They both Skype off of work regularly. It's not a financially sustainable relationship, but it's certainly a good time, baby! Five, four, three, two, one. Samantha. Well, that is actually a two, one. Samantha. Well, that is actually a match made in relationship heaven.

Samantha and Higgins, their main character trait across Grown Ups 2 and Sex and the City 2 is a desire to fuck anything that moves. Too true. Accordingly, they could hole up, you know, wherever, preferably Samantha's office or apartment as opposed to Higgins' run-down apartment in New Hampshire. But frankly, I think that while neither of them have found long-term love... You've been saying New Hampshire a lot,

but I think Connecticut, or is Connecticut in New Hampshire or New Hampshire in Connecticut? Neither of those things are in each other, and it's not important. Where does the Venn diagram sit with New Hampshire and Connecticut? Higgins and Samantha are what each other need to sustain a long-term relationship, which of course leaves Laminsov and Charlotte. Tim, could you please unpack why this relationship?

Tim, we did Laminsov at the top. Yeah, and by Laminsov, I mean Lenny Fader. If you'd listened for one goddamn second in your life. You did well. You tested me, and I passed the test, and I appreciate it. So, Lenny Fader and Charlotte. This is the most neurotic. Interestingly, she's still wound up with a Jewish man,

so I think that was just destined to happen, which is cool. The stars have aligned. Just throwing cultural aspersions on all Jews there. They're all neurotic. No, separately. Okay. He is neurotic, and then my mind wandered.

Maybe there is something like that. Lenny Fader's not neurotic. The guy is confident and relaxed. He's a talent agent from Hollywood who's moved back to his hometown with his family. It's an interesting movie idea. The moral is they both have strokes on their fifth wedding anniversary

and it ends terribly. One of them dies and inherits the other one's fortune. That is the ultimate conclusion to not only any movie involving these characters but probably the conversation we have had in front of you and into your ears today. Once again, thank you so much, everybody. Thank you for coming, guys.

I'm Guy Montgomery. I'm Tim Beck. Big thanks to LA Podfest for having us. Thanks to all of you for coming. Truly, it means a lot. Live every moment. And love every day. Goodbye.