The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twelve - Snedden

Episode Date: July 23, 2016

SPONSORED BY BIGPIPE.CO.NZ - the only internet provider who will throttle neither you, nor your family.This week the boys are joined by their first guest for the season: Alice Snedden of the newly released Boners of The Heart podcast (out now!) This week's ritualistic act of cinematic self-flagellation is thankfully detoured by a delightful anecdote delivered by Alice about a production of High School Musical she'd just seen, put on by a bunch of apparently lackluster kids. A return to Gettin' Sentimental and at long last THE PITCH segment is back too. Enjoy, and listen to Boners Of The Heart and go to Facebook.com/BonersOfTheHeart too. Good on ya. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.

Are you gonna play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fun. It's a cold, a pastor. One of them dies, that guy's a squirrel. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp.

Classic Maximum Joseph. Oh, wee! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time, season three, episode 12. A cool dozen. Not a baker's dozen, a real dozen.

Not yet. Let's write up the top. You're a baker, we've done a dozen. Yeah, a normal dozen. Not one of your dozens. A normal dozen. A regular mathematical dozen. A metric dozen.

My name is Tim Batt. And my name is Guy Montgomery. And I'll tell you what I'm a big fan of, Tim. Yes? It's an internet provider called BigPipe. Tell me more. Well, you usually do this part of the ad lib. I like how bold you've been with the sponsor.

I can't quite put my finger on why exactly, but just know I love them. I know that they won't lay hands on your family. They won't throttle your internet speed, nor members of your kin. No, or friends. I think they have a company-wide policy that there's no throttling at all of anyone, not even competitors.

They don't do it. They're all for a fair market. They're not going to go around and vote a phone and start ringing necks, although they bloody well could, couldn't they? I don't think anyone would get too upset if they did, but they don't do that. They play by the rules. They're good.

They're good boys. They're good internet boys and girls. Go visit them at bigpipe.co.nz if you're in New Zealand, which is the vast minority if you're listening, and get yourself some good ass internet because they really are the best. Especially for fibre.

Americans are just sweating with fury and jealousy right now. The notion they cannot get on board. Fuck I would be if I was in America. They've got the worst internet company. It's like Comcast gets consistently voted the worst company. Anyway, I would like to introduce our guest for this episode.

The first guest for the season. And this is very special for a number of reasons. Number one, because the guest is awesome. That's true. You possibly haven't heard of her yet. But you can hear her laughing. Would I be right in saying that? Most definitely haven't heard of me yet. Unless you hear her laughing. Would I be right in saying that? Most definitely haven't heard of me yet. Unless you're

a friend or a family member. Get on board now because then that really shows you're ahead of the curve in terms of adopting what is and is not popular yet. The sultry times of Alice Sneddon, ladies and gentlemen. Forecasting her own success.

You've got to be bold in this world. It's dog eat dog. You are not wrong. Hey, Alice. Yeah. What did you think about the movie We Are Your Friends? You want to keep picking her up? I just want a little bit of context as to why we've gotten Alice on in particular,

which is her own podcast that she does with Rose Matifeo, who has been on the podcast a couple of times as a guest. which is her own podcast. Yes. That she does. Oh, yeah, yeah. With Rose Matifeo, who has been on the podcast a couple of times as a guest. Do you want to describe it? Yeah, sure. It's a podcast where the two of us chat to each other about the things we like.

It's called Boners of the Heart, and the first season is about men and ladies. Ooh. Yeah, we would engage in romantic, theoretical romantic relationships with. I've been describing it to people as, because I produced the podcast for you guys. Thank you very much.

I've been meaning to say that. Genuinely a pleasure. The time you've put into it has just really meant a lot to me. You saying thank you has released a lot of tension in the room. I've got a sense that Tim thought you were a little ungrateful. I've been fishing for seven weeks for one ounce of gratitude and I've finally got it. I'm like a mouse with the cheese now. I'm a cat with the cream.

You know what happens when the mouse gets the cheese? What? It's when they die. Oh, it's like the dog finally getting the car. Oh, because they get killed in the trap. It's like the dog getting the car, yeah. They've got nowhere else to go. Oh, yeah, that's quite sad, isn isn't it but also a lovely way to die the way that i've been describing the podcast

doing what it loves the way i've been describing boners of the heart to other people is uh uh you two you and rose um describing your unlikely celebrity crushes yeah that's a much better description than the one i just profited i. In the first episode, sorry guys, step all over you. I think they're both great descriptions, I just wanted to say. Thank you. His was more efficient and probably more accurate.

The first episode is Rose trying to justify her romantic love for Rick Moranis. And not even like a younger Rick Moranis, like present day Rick Moranis. Especially not for Rick Moranis. Yes. And not even like a younger Rick Moranis, like present day Rick Moranis. Especially not younger Rick Moranis. And then you go into describing quite graphic detail

of a sex dream you had about Danny DeVito. Yeah. Wow. I'd stand by it. That is a hell of a tease. I don't know what is. It's really good. You had no choice but to stand by your dream.

I could take it all back. But I'd love to have it again actually Just for a refresher Given the opportunity, well why not More curiosity than anything For me, if I had the opportunity To have a sex dream about Dane DeVito I would also take it Yeah, wouldn't you?

Yeah, absolutely Yeah, of course you would. He's an interesting guy. Isn't it weird you can do whatever you want in your dreams? And all of us chose to have sex with Danny DeVito. Imagine if we all shared one big joint dream and all showed up to have sex with Danny DeVito and the other two people were there.

Wow. I thought it was my turn to fuck Danny. We all just started fighting over him. Is this just happening in one person's head or is this like a networked dream?

In my head, we're all sleeping in the dreams that joined up above us. Let's tonight before we all go to sleep. Yeah, think about Danny DeVito. Put all of our effort

into trying to have sex with Danny DeVito in our dreams. We'll kiss a photo of Danny DeVito before we all of our effort into trying to have sex with Danny DeVito in our dreams. Or kiss a photo of Danny DeVito before we go to sleep. Hopefully your podcast is out by the time

this episode comes out. So you should search for that wherever you get podcasts. It's probably iTunes. I know how it works. Statistically higher chance. Not me, not this guy.

I use Pocket Cast because I've got an Android. It's a great app. But wherever you get it, search for Binders of the Heart. Unbelievable. Or hopefully also the website for the podcast network is up by the time this episode

releases which is littleempirepodcasts.com an extension to what Alice and you were just proudly trumpeting your loyalty to Android during the film yeah Zicoli took a phone call on his

Samsung S3 andice was very rude about his choice of cell phone and then went on to say i believe and i quote i hate it when they don't uh oh no you were like so that's how you get yeah i said i hate it when they don't use iphones in movie because then movies because then you know it's product placement. Every fucking time. Because who in real life uses anything but an iPhone? The only time that's definitely true is if you see a Windows phone in anything. Then you know someone's paid an exceptional amount of money

to get that in the frame. It would never make me buy a non-iPhone product to see it in a film. I just think, like, less of the character. You lose respect for them. I lose respect for them because I'm like, the tide has moved. Get your life together. We all know that Apple is dominant. Get on board.

I'm not even going to take the time or energy to point you on this. I love it when people get passionate about their technology products. It's all a game. We're all being owned by the masses. There is no loyalty. I'm just saying, don't get personally attached. I won't. Alice, to return to the initial question, which was up for grabs.

What did you think of this movie, We Are Your Friends? First time you've seen it. First time I've seen it, I was quite devastated just by the whole scenario. That it's bright outside. It's almost distinguishable as a nice day. Oh, you mean like our actual conditions? And then we're sitting inside watching this film, and I thought it was quite bad, actually.

Quite terrible. Yeah. That's my hot take. It's been the general consensus around the trailer. I'd like to say I thought you were thoroughly good company to watch the film with. Yeah, I agree. I can only speak for myself,

but I'm sure Tim, you had a similar thing where it was very nice to watch the movie with someone who hasn't seen it before. And accordingly, you recontextualized the movie to how it's meant to be seen. It all blurs into this one kind of meaningless mess once you've seen it a handful of times. Yeah.

And so to actually get to see all the beats where the movie's meant to make you feel the things. Oh, man, Skrill dying had you so hard. It was a wonderful thing to watch. That's true. That's true. In real time to the realisation that Skrill wasn't coming back. I know.

Here's why I enjoyed that death so much. it was a statement I liked that you know it was a bold move to kill off the character we'd seen maybe four times they had they had to do something they did they painted themselves into a corner with the story yeah and they realized nothing had happened and they had to kill somebody oh man he was so lovable right from the get-go the little guy i liked him you called it i did i said i'm worried for that guy i'm worried for that little guy very early yeah but also like he was i don't know i don't even know how he died i was worried that he'd drowned he od'd oh to be honest though you never fully know for sure but that's that's the uh that's the general consensus, isn't it? It could be anything.

There wasn't puke or anything on him. I mean, just if we're getting into the specifics. We didn't see him go to the morgue. We don't know the cause of death at all. Yeah, so did they call an ambulance? They did, didn't they? Yeah, but they didn't know the address. Oh, that's right.

He was running outside to see what the address was. But he can't read numbers. The ambulance never made it. Oh no. They were just buried in empty coffers. He's legally alive. He's legally alive. What are you talking about? In what respect?

They haven't informed the family who came to the funeral, but they haven't filed it or anything with the births and deaths. They didn't file a death certificate. That's cool I think Zac Efron will go on to assume his identity that's what I'm thinking, someone should it's like a nice suit that's just lying there

what's his name in the film? Squirrel, no Zac Efron Zicoli, oh Zicoli, I thought it was Zicotti it's Cole, we've named him Zicoli, it is Zicoli if you listen closely you'll hear all the other characters call him Ziccoli. Yeah, okay.

Righto. Yeah, Ziccoli, that's nice. I reckon... What does it sound like to you? It sounds like Ziccotti. What's Ziccotti? Oh, I think it's something Italian. Very good.

Is it just another made-up word? No, off the top of my head. I thought it was some sort of Italian food, but now I'm worried I'm thinking of biscotti. And saying it wrong and cute like a three-year-old child. No, if I was three, I'd say it. Oh, no, hold on. Let me get into character.

Okay, hold on. Give me a moment. Biscotti. No, I wouldn't say it like that I can't identify which letter I'd have trouble pronouncing That wasn't a child, that was just a different adult That's all of my range I'm 27, my range goes from 26 to 28

Slightly different voices I can play a 26 year old Alice I like that you brought Some of your skill set into the watch as well Because you're a Are you a qualified lawyer What you say That is what I say

Whether or not it's the truth Doesn't matter Don't ask my family Who's that? Dad? Rodney Dangerfield Who else? He's back in the room oh yeah i am you got real hung up on the who owns the rights to the i was concerned because here's the thing right the guy who's from the hunger games james reed from the feelers yeah yeah james reed from the feelers good to see he's doing stuff still. He's reinvented himself quite nicely.

Yes, yeah. He is an established DJ, and then Cole is an up-and-coming DJ, and there's a scene in the movie where they're making music together, and I got concerned that Cole hadn't established his legal rights and that maybe James would be able to steal it off him. I can't help but notice you keep saying the word coal instead of the coal

okay so it's a coley i worried about his legal um representation just like his legal status and if the track took off you know who's who's gonna get that money you think maybe james reed was uh using his youthful enthusiasm Absolutely. Oh, for free labour sort of thing. Yeah. Yuck. I know, it's a tough take on that character

because we want to love him. We want to love James Reid. He's a lovable alcoholic. He's an anti-hero. He is, yeah. He is a real booze hound. Yeah. I remember it took me, it was a few weeks ago,

I forgot to bring it up on the podcast, but when he wakes up really hungover and he's like, I'm going to have a drink before this hangover gets real, he pours like a decent slug of whiskey into it. It's like midday. Who wakes up hungover and just has a full glass of whiskey? That's the point. That is this dude. That is the stout.

It took me 10 weeks to realise how crazy that was though. The rest of the time I was just like, oh of course. That's an indictment. That's more of a comment on you. Yeah I know. Not good. I'm sorry. That's fine. Do you know what I've never understood is how that when you say how much whiskey you want you say

two fingers. But what have you got fatty fingers or like skinny fingers? Well I think it's like foot. One of the want. You say two fingers. But what have you got? Fatty fingers or like skinny fingers. Well, I think it's like one of the few advantages of having fat fingers. That's true. As you say, you order how many things you want. So like one finger and you've got your hands underneath the bar and they go, okay. And then you slam your finger down and it's a full glass size. Those are some big fingers.

That's great. Yeah, that's really good. Disadvantages. Can't have a small iPhone. True that. You have to have a phone with the buttons. Also, yeah, it'd be quite tricky to get things out of small places. What kind of stuff?

What's getting lost? I don't know. Just like, maybe you drop your keys down the back of your bed. You got fat fingers. No, is that not an issue? That's why it drives them to drink. Because I assumed if you had fat fingers, you, is that not an issue? That's what drives them to drink. Because I assumed if you had fat fingers, you had fat arms as well. If you've got fat fingers.

You've got to pull the bed away from the wall. If you are so stoked about having fat fingers because you get boozed up all the time, then maybe it's a good thing you've lost your keys. It's like a self-correction. It's evidence of God. You know what? That's exactly what it is. Evidence of a higher power.

Intelligent design. You've got served athe's exactly what it is. Evidence of a higher power. Intelligent design. You got served, atheists. We just lost our whole atheistic shift. Fuck. Agnostics hanging on. So the big question is what was your favorite bit of the movie? Did you have a favorite bit of the movie? Yeah, I did.

Gosh, I wish I'd been paying more attention yeah sorry we should have warned you yeah that's all right we do it every episode we call it the shining light oh oh yes yeah no no i know about this i've listened to the podcast before i'm a big fan show off yeah my shining light of the film was the bit where... We can go first if you want. You sound exactly like I do when I do a shining light. Like a deer in the headlights. I literally have lost the ability to think on my feet. Look, this movie is a bit like that.

It's completely... Well, in which case, while you mull it over... I feel brain dead. You guys do your shining light and I'm going to scour the internet for mine. Struggling to think on your feet is a common recurring theme with this film and the many failed, or not failed, but shot and used improvised scenes. It's a segment called No But. And I don't know if you noticed, I pointed one out to you when they have breakfast.

And there's Somaly, which is the love interest character. Very well drawn love interest. Yeah. She's a dynamic character. Three dimensional. I learn everything about her I need to know. Including what information? Just the fact that she's the love interest.

It's everything I needed. It's everything she's given. Yeah. Yeah, but that scene was definitely, we know for a fact, improvised between the two actors. And there are other scenes brewed within the film wherein this is the case. That's why it had such a natural feel. Yeah.

Very naturalistic conversation about food. But the scene i noticed it with this week was uh very early on it's a scene that's always bothered me it's a piece of editing which really fucks me off no end uh when they're in the car going from social to the night the the party where they're on pcp uh and zach efron says so where have you been to spin which is apparently the only word in the thesaurus. If you look up DJ, because it's the only way they describe it. And then James Reid from The Fiddler starts listing cities.

And that was all just done on the fly. It was just insane. So it was like Abu Dhabi, Middle East. They jump cut within that shot, which makes no sense. They do three jump cuts. Because it's like, I get that you're trying to build a kind of passage of time thing but it would actually be more powerful

if he could just have remembered all of the lines and just deliver it as a list that's the thing he went so off the rails with the improv and just started describing different things

in different places Antarctica Niagara Falls the seven natural wonders of the world you can bet he said like 20 countries where the director was like,

our audience won't know those places. He was going to spend the whole night before the shoot reading an atlas. He's like, can't stand to know. He's like, that doesn't exist anymore. We're time travelling as well. I'm DJing through time. Four of them were just the suburbs around the neighbourhood he grew up in. Oh, yeah, I've got my shining light now.

Fabulous. Okay, so it's the bit where they're standing outside the nightclub and he meets the James from The Fearless. And they're sharing the blunt, which is marijuana mixed with tobacco. And he smokes it and then he throws it away. And he goes, what is there, tobacco in that? And he goes, yeah, it's a blunt. And he goes, what are you, French? And? And he goes, yeah, it's a blunt. And he goes, what are you, French?

And Zac Efron goes, no, I'm American. I loved how much you loved that. That was my shining light about two or three weeks ago. It is so good. It's so good. His timing on that is just perfect. He knows it. Which actually launched you into a very brief

but sort of enthusiastic spiel about how much you loved Zac Efron in Bad Neighbours. Yeah, God, I did love him in that film. I actually, I did enjoy him heaps in that. And last night I went and saw a production by High School Kids of High School Musical. How was that? Terrible. Really just shockingly bad. Oh, the kids!

Okay, they range from the ages of about 5 to 18 is this another shout out to Jack? it's not, it's a shout out to Daisy it could be a shout out to Jack though I got player of the day this morning at a soccer game that's fantastic Alice has got a nephew called Jack who appears in her podcast

from time to time do you blame the director or the children for this terrible production? well both, the children for this terrible production? Well, both. The children were inept. The lead, who played Zac Efron's part, which is why I have such a new respect for him, his voice was breaking.

That's a rough time to throw a musical at someone. The director had specific beef with that child and built a whole construct of a musical to pay him out that's like an episode of doug it was like they did auditions for the kid who was right bang smack in the middle of puberty it was so painful you know i would have had a bone of a half the show oh my god and then what made it so much worse was i was there to see my niece who is like skinny and white and 10 years old.

And at one point she's in like the final rush of kids on the stage. So she's in the last tier of people who met her in the production. She comes on and I know she's on the stage, but I couldn't fucking pick out which one she was. I know she was on the stage four times, and I saw her twice. You're a good auntie. You go to stuff, you try. I did.

I did. Two and a half hours long. Jesus. All right. How long was the movie? It was High School Musical 1 and 2. Why? Why would you do that?

To pay the fucking kid out for even longer. And neither of them were good. And the worst part was he does this song and he's so terrible. He's so, like, the whole audience, it's at the Civic, which is, like, quite a nice theatre here. The whole audience is, like, on knife edge. Like, everyone's sunk into their seats. Like, they cannot listen

to this guy and then at the end it't know it's in this range because when does your voice start breaking yeah it's in there like the civic as well it's such a prestigious yo big time it was sullied last night by the behavior of these children and the acoustics in that room is such that you definitely would be able to hear their audience member oh 100 yeah oh it was so bad but there were like so many elements of it where i mean i could go on and on about it maybe you should i'm pretty enamored with the idea of us just hearing more about if i get i want to hear more okay all right part of it was that so there's like maybe 350 children in this production

they are all white which is like crazy to me because auckland is only 50 percent white yeah so we're existing in like isolation as if the outside world is not real and um there is one kid who is of diversity, and she's in a wheelchair, a motorised wheelchair. Oh, wow. And they can't figure out what to do with it. The company has clearly not understood how to incorporate her into the production.

Right. So they'll just be doing sogs and dances on stage and then have her wheel Onto the side And participate from the side And then at one point They bring her into the middle of the stage And she just does a Rotation

On her motorised wheelchair And then motors off the stage They haven't given her any dance moves Or anything like that Are you sure that Click Hole didn't produce the version of High School Musical you watched last night? I don't know. They might have. It was just, it was so painful for so many different reasons.

And all of the kids were doing American accents. They couldn't sustain them. It's ruthless. Just filing as much humiliation Okay this is my last bit about it So there are scenes set in a classroom And for some reason the director hadn't like cheated the scene Today

You ready? Okay let's go The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run Ends here This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.

...out to the stage. So literally 20 students would walk onto the stage and sit with their backs to the audience. What the fuck? That's so dumb. That's basic stagecraft. No, that's realism. That's so dumb. That's basic stagecraft. No, that's realism.

That's good. That's the first good thing I've heard about this play. That's 101, man. That's 101. That's how you get the best performance out of the kids. I just felt so bad for the kids who had no dialogue. So the whole point on the production was to sit on the stage with their backs to the audience. And you pay $500 to do this.

To be in it? Yeah. Well, there's your fucking problem. So someone's just profiteering off of this. Big time. So I reckon they made maybe like $150,000 to $200,000. So the kids all bought their way into the roles? You literally buy your way into the roll.

Like in an auction? No, not at all like at an auction. Set price, set price, 500. More like just a standard exchange of goods for cash. Hold on, hold on. So, Alice, after you've paid the $500, then you get cast? Then you get cast. So the people who pay get to go to the audition. Did you not do this as a kid?

I did one of them as a kid. I was in the chorus of Oliver. Not 500 bucks. Oh, yeah. It's very expensive. That's bizarre. And then all the parents pay money to come and see the kids in the production. It's a fucking double whammy.

You're guaranteed sold out houses for the entire run. And if you make it just shit enough and put it on a podcast, people will flood to this production. Flood to it. You're inside the operation. I'm not going to lie. I'm getting a cat. You're a plant. This is an Adam Sandler-level bamboozling of punters.

I was like an ultimate reality. Who's getting all that cash? I don't know. To line the pockets of people who hate theatre, clearly. That's fucked up, man. That's super messed up oh it was so bad oh the bit where he was supposed to sing in the song where he goes we're breaking free and he like his voice he was like we're breaking

oh the timing that was amazing but that's so last night i watched videos of Zac Efron just to see how it was supposed to be done you purposefully didn't watch this movie when it came out, you were aware of it I was, yeah I didn't want to engage with it, did you get wise to the fact

that it was none too good or none too well received yeah I saw the trailer and I saw what it was trying to do and I thought I want no part of that it's funny because that's generally how we make our calls on what movie we're I saw the trailer and I saw what it was trying to do and I thought I want no part of that. It's funny because that's generally how we make our calls and what movie we're going to do for a season. We're like, yeah, that looks like a bit of us. I think I would rather watch like a grown-ups 2 or like Sex and the City 2.

I've seen Sex and the City 2 a few times. Okay, now tell me why. I don't know. Come on, try. Because I think Sex and the City 2 for me understands a little bit more how bad it is. Whereas this one is like a genuine effort at like an arthouse film that's just like failed so miserably that like how will the people involved with it ever regain their confidence to make anything again?

Jesus. Yeah. Scathing. It's a scathing review. So Sex and the City 2 knows what it is, which is a cash grab. This didn't know, and this bombed as well, by the way.

This was the biggest financial bomb of 2015. Growing up, it was also much more confidently garbage. It's walking around, burping in people's faces and stealing their wallets. This is what that movie's doing. This one just makes me sad because it represents things

that I will no doubt do in my future, which is genuinely try something and fail. Wow. It's all part of the journey. Yeah, it is all part of the journey, but it's too real. We've been getting, not a large amount, but some stick from some quarters that this is a bit of a too easy an option to do for a season.

And you've kind of had onto to something which is like in some ways this is a way sadder more depressing choice because it was an earnest attempt at good filmmaking and you couldn't say that for the other two movies. Not at all.

And like you can tell from the get go this movie was not about making heaps of money. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like

real tough stuff. I'm sorry to bring the mood down No it's okay I'm generally quite forgiving of films I would always watch this movie before watching Sex and the City 2 Really? With time the Sex and the City 2 saga of my life Has burnt a very dark and fiery memory Into my brain

And that is a poisonous Poisonous thing To be avoided at all costs. By the time we got into the 40s of the Watchers, Guy and I were in it. It was a really angry and dark space that we were existing in. It's like a full week of being awake that you spent watching Sex and the City 2. I think so. That's what it felt like every time we watched it. Yeah, that's torture. Not only are time we watched it yeah that's the thing

not only are you contending with um two hours and 40 minutes of actual runtime but it's like being in a hyperbolic time chamber where it feels like days are passing around you but it's all like the sun is going down and coming up out the window bad cinema purgatory you're just stuck horrible um but that's that's all in the past you haven't given a shining light i have a second shining light if you want me to buy time when you think of one yeah that's good yeah i liked the bit where they said

something oh he said it's not morning music and then she was like good thing it's 1230 you liked a couple sassy yeah I liked that

sass yeah yeah I liked that a lot no you liked the sass and then at another point you derided her the sass for which

you were championing her 10 minutes ago that's not true that's not true, I said you have some hits and some misses Anyone who's tried to be sassy before will know sometimes it just doesn't work You gotta

try things though, that's important Develops your instincts You seem to find that somally, the character or the performance was lacking charisma I mean, it's woman on woman violence Somaly, the character or the performance was lacking charisma. Oh, I mean, it's woman on woman violence.

Go there. Go there. I felt like she lacked charisma, but it's not like she was given a lot. No, exactly. It's not like here's this three-dimensional, well-rounded character, you know, really learn about this person and bring it out in the nuance of your performance. It was like, hey, stand there and dance and we'll slow it down later.

Yeah, true. What's my motivation? You love dancing. You love dancing and unzip your top a little bit more. Why am I doing that? It's hot. It's hot outside. It's hot.

This film was shot in the winter Can I go in the pool? No That is not a swimming pool Oh, that was my other favourite thing The looking pool It wasn't in the movie There's something guys said

I know I know But the fact that we all notice That they don't swim in the pool At the pool party Unallowed And then when someone does fall in the pool You're like

You're full on losers as shit. James Rigo's ballistic. Yeah. That is not a swimming pool! It's a looking pool! For looking! There's actually, maybe I enjoyed it. My shining, I'll see if I can throw some more fuel

on that fire of you loving it. That shit is squeaky. I'll stop moving I can throw some more fuel on that fire of you loving it. That shit is squeaky. I'll stop moving around on it. Was, never noticed it before, but Johnny Depp at the back of shot when they're first looking at the apartment when they move in, it looks like he's giggling. And all through the movie, he is presented as this kind of rough. Brooding.

Brooding is exactly the word, yeah. A Ryan Atwood type leather clad quiet powerful Tim never gives me anything when I say Ryan Atwood because he didn't watch the OC I can kind of tell

when you're doing it now because it's like the one reference you consistently throw out I wanted to be a part of this podcast so badly I have no sympathy though

for people who get to brood in beautiful pool houses. No, it's very difficult to feel bad for them. Fuck yeah. He had a queen beard. So Coley did? No, Ryan Atwood. Still on the OC.

How was home? You tell me. I was in Chino. Is that from the series? It's a big moment. Is that? Yeah, it's when Ryan's finally part of the Coen family. What you were saying, though, Tim,

is that Johnny Depp is portrayed as this brooding, deep character. I've said all I need to. And the chuckle, what you liked that. It's like, you know when you do a take and you think that you're not in shot, so you just take your foot off the gas? Yeah. It looks like that's what's happening. That's nice. And he's trying to suppress a giggle. You know when you do a take and you think that you're not in shot, so you just take your foot off the gas? Yeah.

It looks like that's what's happened. That's nice. And he's trying to suppress a giggle, but guess what? They were rolling on you and it made it to the final cut. Maybe it was just like a truthful moment. I bet Johnny Depp has a few laughs in real life. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Speaking of Johnny Depp, my shining light was also,

you've just triggered a memory for me, a moment of his in the film when they arrive at the party to pick up Zicole and they walk up to James Reid and Jarhead bros him, even though he doesn't know him, breaking his one cardinal rule.

And Johnny Depp says, yeah, we've met before, like a total bumbling idiot. We fucking promoted a club that you did, Jack, which you obviously don't give a fuck about us. And then James Reed just ignores him. And Johnny Depp is so satisfied with his contribution to the conversation, he pulls out his little vape and he starts puffing away

like a man who has just nailed a second impression, which is something you should never have to do. It's celebratory eh He's smug about it It's like actually we've met before We promote social on a Thursday And then it cuts to James Reid James Reid has a look on his face as if to say

Hmm Out loud I think disdain Yeah you're right What is the noise for that For the expression It's like yeah Oh yeah

That's brutal I wouldn't want to hear that And then Johnny Depp for the expression. It's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's brutal. I wouldn't want to hear that. And then Johnny Depp interprets that. That serve is like, fuck yes. I've totally earned a few puffs on this beautiful machine. That's probably how he's become part of the friend group in the first place, is just misreading every social cue

as confirmation that he's doing it right. I like that idea. I just thinking about like on set who was the big dog because zach efron's the most famous one but then the other guy plays like the big brother in the moon jarhead no james james from the feelers so i wonder who who was alpha zicoli's alpha do you reckon yeah you're right he's the only bona fide movie star yeah on display yeah stand down from that fuck he's hot yeah he's real hot he's looking good this week that's why they had that shower scene he's been working out since last week i don't know what he's done but it's work yeah he's been on a diet he cut out carbs yeah he's been eating his own pasta it's a coley It's carb free. Oh, Zicoli.

He's a gorgeous man. There's no getting away from that face. No, he's stunning. You get him and Zicoli and Somaly on screen at the same time. That is a very good looking couple. At that point you're just seeing... Zicoli and who? Somaly.

Somaly. Emily or Sophie. Emily's her real name. Sophie's the character's name. Okay. And I can never remember which way, so I'll just kind of combine them. Yeah.

But at that point, when people are that beautiful and hanging out together, you're just seeing raw genetics at that point. It's like kind of disgusting. It's a bit much. It's like, oh, there's a lot of biology going on there.

I was just imagining Zicole's parents and Somaly's parents having sex in like a split screen in my mind. Really? Yeah. To produce both of those people yeah oh i see right it gets a gets an award for most improved in terms of looks i reckon from oh i was what because i was watching that terrible production he's come a long way since friday and

it made 12 hours extended all around yeah it's like it felt quite weird then because when you guys were like to me today, do you find him attractive? The reason I felt weird about it is because I'd just seen those videos about him last night, you know, where he's like 17. Yeah. Felt a bit pervy. Oh, he's very much his own man now. He is.

He's really grown into himself. Most improved award. Zach Efron these days. I reckon 27. Yeah, that sounds right Yeah about that I hope he doesn't Bloody

We don't lose him to that 27 club He's got the talent Oh Tim No way Jose What a bleak prediction Well I'm just saying I hope it doesn't happen

But that's lovely to say That he's in that You know he's got the talent Tim researches that He's 28 And a Scorpio He's the Amy Winehouse of films Oh wait

No he's not a Scorpio What's October? Unimportant. It's the 10th month. Thanks. Good comeback. Nailed it. Love where your head's at.

I only know the Leo star sign. I would now like to introduce you to another regular segment, Alice. It's Libra. I'm a Libra. There you go. Continue. As if it means something.

When's your birthday? September 29. Oh, okay. You you go. Continue. As if it means something. When's your birthday? September 29. Oh, okay. You're on the joining. No, I'm as much a Libra as anyone else is. Oh, wait, no, it's 21st, isn't it? Do you know what I learnt the other day is that all the star signs are apparently spoken about. Bullshit.

No, they're real. But they're done for the northern hemisphere, so like when we read them, they're aligned wrong because we're in the southern hemisphere, something're real. But they're done for the Northern Hemisphere. So, like, when we read them, they're aligned wrong because we're in the Southern Hemisphere. Something like that. We were reading about that yesterday. It makes sense. Grace is in the Northern Hemisphere.

My mum was telling me about it. They're all so bullshit. Like, it's a bunch of people who thousands of years ago got drunk, got fucking wasted, looked in the sky and started seeing pictures. I have never once read a star sign and thought that that didn't sound like me in all honesty

every time I read them I'm like yep you can construct broad sweeping statements like that and people just fall into them yeah they're very comforting

they're like a blanket you're blowing up this spot shut your mouth I'm the first one to crack onto this what I was going to say to you though Alice

is a segment that we bookmarked with you during the film. It's got its own theme song. It goes, Getting sentimental with James Reid. Oh, yeah. And it's when James Reid arrives, very excited. He's gotten a little sentimental, and he's gotten a gift physically.

Oh, yeah. It's weird that they don't show the gift. Well, no, they do show the gift. Oh, do they? Yeah, they do. Oh, fuck, I stopped paying attention. That's alright. No, they show it later. They show the box, they show the MacBook Pro box, and then

it's kind of ignored, because you're like, well, if it's a MacBook Pro box, we probably know what's in it. But classic misdirect from Maximum Joseph. Oh, so what was the actual gift, or do you not tell us? That's your job. Oh, okay, all right. They're trying to figure out.

Will you tell me off the air, though, what the actual gift was on the film? The actual one is a MacBook Pro. Oh, so he did actually get a MacBook Pro. Well, so it's suggested, but it's unconfirmed. I understand now. Sorry, I'm a few steps behind. Well, what I said, my initial thought was

that it was a little coffin for a pet. I forgot you said that Such a threatening gift Because you said something about the size of a MacBook Pro And I was like, I could put a cat in that I don't think you could I don't know, because it might not be deep enough A shoebox is more appropriate for a cat But I could probably put a rat in it.

Or actually maybe a family of rats. A family of rats. Yeah, it's for your family of rats. Rat butlers, because he does say it's a self-serving gift. Yeah. Or maybe he went to like a carnival and he printed out a fake degree

and he got it framed and the degree was an EDM and he gave it to his colleague. That's EDM and he gave it to Zikoli. That's cute. That one is especially sentimental. That was nice. I almost said especially

like that cute three-year-old child from before. The one who says, Zikoli. You as a 26 year old. That's me playing 26. Hire me. Please.

I'm free at the moment. Well, if your forecast career trajectory is anything to go, there's a lot to look forward to. It's about to take off. Including a few speed bumps as you try and earn is to make something good.

Although yesterday we made graphs with our hands as to how we experienced our career going and mine skyrocketed but just after my death. What context was this in? I can't remember.

Just chatting about life. Fire out. Life stuff. Yeah. You have cooler conversations than me more time on my hands all you do is talk about

we are your friends that's true and defend the android ecosystem to all and sundry well that might do it do we have any other business we have one other

piece of business which I think it's pretty important business actually I mean you and i tim are obviously very wealthy uh film executives uh looking to invest in an exciting new project uh we're sort of all out of ideas we've got more money than sense and uh you alice are an exciting young screenwriter who's just penned an absolute belter to the tune of we are your friends uh and

you're about to come to our office yeah we've got our big brass balls on the table. I want you to know that. Huge balls. Surrounded by mountains of cash. Okay. Why should we make this movie? We Are Your Friends. That you have just written.

That I've just written. I understand the game now. Gentlemen. Hello. Would you like us to put our balls back in our trousers? I would. Certainly. They're making me uncomfortable

But I want the money and I'll do anything They're very heavy to have hanging loose Because they're made of brass We're off to a strong start Your priorities are in the right place Let's hear about the script you're clutching Okay, I've just written a script And it stars Zac Efron

He's not yet attached to the project But I'm confident we can get him Because I've heard he loves electronic music Oh, I didn't know this about Ziccoli. Yes, you didn't? I was at one of his pasta launches last night. He's looking good. Kid's looking trim.

Yeah, he is. And you know why? And we've played into that, actually, in the script. He's going to have a history and track. Oh. Yeah, so what we've got is a moody art film piece where he loves EDM. He's got a mentor. He falls in love with the mentor's girl.

That's a spicy wrinkle. If you like premature death in ODs, then I've also got something three quarters of the way through the script that will blow your mind because a little character who we introduce and love and then never see again dies. Wow. I'm listening. I'm listening. And then post-death, Zicoli, he really finds himself and he develops.

Well, you would. Something like that happens in your life. You'd have to get it together. It's a tragedy. And he goes to the world for its sounds, for its natural sounds and its industrial sounds. He records them on his iPhone, but we could put an android in there if you wanted to product placement it would would uh yeah current client i'm dealing with yeah yeah i bet it would and you're not afraid that won't stick out like a sore thumb i mean we'll see through that i would

but like every artist has to make uh has to make some compromises that's something i am worried because who would ever fucking believe that someone doesn't have an iPhone? But I'm sure we'll move past it. You wrote it. Yeah, it's fiction. And he records sounds from nature and industry and he puts them together with some spoken words from his dead friend

and it blows up. He records them on his phone. Yeah, he does. That sounds terrible. Lots of opportunities. Well, the sound is terrible from the phone. Yeah, that's for sure. Surely he'd torpedo the gig if that's what happened.

Yeah, you know what? You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I even brought it up. It's just, I don't know. You know, you've got to have an idea in this industry, don't you? It's all about putting it forward rather than... Well, listen, there's some good elements to it.

No, you can't convince me of it. There's no need for this about face. No, don't. Oh, come on. No, we'll make it. No, don't. We'll make the movie. How much do you want?

How much money do you need to make it? Look, I've got $100,000 right here. No, I can't take it. Take it. Honestly, we've got too much. Take it. Here, put it in your pockets. How much have you got?

I'm putting that in my pockets, but I'm only using it at cafes. I'm not making the movie with that. Look, I've got $400,000 here. I can't. How much do you need? Please, get it out of here. We're not looking. Get it out of here.

Okay. Get the money out of here. Fine, fine. Take anything you need. I'll give you $5 million right now if we can make this movie. I'm really hesitant too, but all right, I'll take it. Fantastic. I'll put it in my bank.

Here's all of the money. Congratulations. We're going gonna make a film You just got played Pardon? I paid hard to get And you fell for it No

Yeah No I believe in this movie No Reverse psychology Oh god damn it She's right Yeah Oh fuck

We've done it again It fell into my sweet little pocket You got catfished Ah After growing up To turn sex in the city To have our bosses Hear about this

We're gonna be sunk! This is the death nail. This is the end of us. Yeah, that's how I would do it, I reckon. Hey, well done. Thank you. What an interesting methodology. Listen, I'm not a natural salesperson.

I don't believe it. You've already sold me on going to that god-awful musical at the Civic in this movie. I'm not a natural salesperson because I struggle very much to lie. And I couldn't think of anything that was really going to blow up this film. Also, I have a real monotone that I'm aware of. So when I think I'm sounding enthusiastic, I don't sound any different to anyone else.

You're like Captain Holt. Who? Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Yeah, that's me. That is me me that is me that is me I'm a gay police chief a gay black police chief

you better get back to work Captain Holt what are you doing in a studio in Greyland righto so look that's it that's watch number 12 behind us now what a ride make sure you check out Alice's.

Yeah, listen to Boners of the Hat. I was actually going to leave Guy hanging out there to see if he could remember it. Yeah, Guy's a huge supporter of it. I am. Guy hates women in comedy. That's why he refuses to memorise the name. That is not true.

I would like to be on the record as refuting that statement. As the only woman in this room, I can say that. That is in fact true. I would like to be on the record as refuting that statement. As the only woman in this room, I can say that. That is in fact true. Guy does hate women in comedy. Oh, Alice, you're funny. I just don't like you fundamentally as a person, okay? Oh, I've heard that before. All right, everybody.

This seems like a high to go at. Alice, you do tweets, don't you? Yeah, I do sometimes. I haven't done one lately, but I've got one in the tank, and I can't wait to put it out into the sphere. How do we find you? Alice at Alice. How do we find that one tweet?

At Alice Snedden. Is that S-N-E-D-D-E-N Yeah that is Did you remember the password to your primary account? Did I have an issue with that? Oh maybe I'm thinking of No I'm thinking of someone else I discovered yesterday I've got two Instagrams

Because I had one and then forgot I had it And signed up to a new one Oh good on you Yeah I've actually got more followings You're a maniac You should project two different lives One of them where you pursue law And the other comedy

oh my god make them fork and it'll be like sliding doors unfolding in real time oh my god that's a great idea tune in to

do listen to the podcast though I think it'll be good fantastic vote of confidence mature New Zealand hero we'll see you soon you're gonna play that dastardly intro again. Try, try, try, try, try, try.

Ow! This movie's still fine. This is a colleague of mine. One of the guys that goes through. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp.

Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer.

Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.