The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Eight - Family First

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

SPONSORED BY AUDIBLE.COMAre you all still here? It's 2017 now. Tim and Guy are still watching the movie. if you've had a longing for a Worst Idea episode that discusses the 1986 family-adventure-robot hit Short Circuit or for a literal shining light or for the boiz to really bring it to NZ-based conservative political action group Family First? Have you got some curiosity about what happens when a human corpse goes into a dehumidifier? Then this one is for you.Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. You're gonna play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. This is a cully bastard. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree. Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Hello, and welcome along to the worst idea of all time, episode 28. And from me, Guy Montgomery, I'd like to wish all of you listening a very happy new year.

And you as well, Tim. And from me, Tim Batt, I want to extend to you guys, to everyone who's listening out there, the warmest of welcomes to 2017. Let's get into it. We've just watched We Are Your Friends again. We did it.

We went in there. We went in ready to win, ready to conquer this thing, really give it heaps, and it showed us great disrespect once again. But we powered through. We got to the the end we're in different places again uh we're on skype i can see you uh with no shirt on presumably you're wearing some sort of underpants but i've got nothing to back that up except for past knowledge of how you roll uh i am wearing underpants because before the movie started i got up and i put on underpants good stuff that is great tale well told i slept nude tim

curious and curious this is the first time we've seen each other spoken to each other in the new year and i know that we do have to get down to the grizzly business of discussing where are your friends. And I don't think we could get into it soon enough, to be honest. How was your break? It was fine. It was good. How was yours in six or less words?

Also enjoyable, thank you. Very good. Great word economy there. You still had some spears. Guy, let's get into it. What was your shining light this watch hit this new year like a ton of fuck rip in give it heaps uh so when they go to the university uh to flyer before the big gig which is still i remember being um just so infuriated by that how they tried to pimp out flyering when i first saw the

movie be like wow look at look at this cool and exciting hustle we're on we're giving out flyers to people because that's when life's going well is when you're flyering people to come to your shit um but before they do that when johnny depp's doing the countdown because apparently universities like high school and movies and everyone just floods out of the gates as soon as the bell goes. He's going five, four,

three, two, and as he's counting down, Jarhead sort of steals himself by taking his right hand and grabbing and pinching his cock like pretty hard.

I've not seen that before. is new neither had i um and i was like wow he really made that choice as an actor and he he he stuck by it like he doesn't let go he's holding it for two seconds and he could let go so that he goes back to not holding his cock but he holds it for the duration of the shot fuck and do you do they cut away from it as well like is this a decision that he's made it's a decision he's made the next shot you see is all of them from behind so you see like the their four backs they're about to walk up to the steps where everyone's flooding down and uh the arm position would suggest that he is still holding his cock. I cannot confirm it because it's obviously I'm not, I don't have x-ray vision. These mighty boys, they're really putting it all on the line, aren't they?

They've all really dug into their characters and figured out what they're all about. I felt a real, yeah, you go, sorry. Oh, God, I saw that on the video chat. I saw it coming. Yeah, I sneered away from you. Appreciate that. Do you think he had to wee?

Do you think it's a nerves thing that when he's nervous, he sort of grabs it as if to protect himself from potential predators? Do you still get that? Do you still get that when you're doing stand-up comedy and you're backstage ready to go on? Do you still get the nervous feeling like you might wait you need to wait i if yeah if i if

i have to wait i will often i'll keep the i'll keep the way in uh depending on how long the set is because i think it creates a good sense of urgency on stage but i still get waves of nerves yeah and they're very unpredictable and i went what gig it's going to be for like it could be when i'm performing in front of like 15 drunk people on a saturday night i'm like oh these people aren't gonna like me you know what techniques um do you use to make sure that you don't wee or do you just trust your body i trust my body but um i've never been on stage and grabbed my like i've never had to do what jayhead's doing before he flies also because

at the same time he's walking around telling everyone their body's 85 water and i think that number's high so i'm thinking maybe he's made a bit of a habit of holding it in he's got the math off on that eh like i understand that a lot of the human body is water and hydration is very important but 85 my man i don't think so bro it's too high that would be that what that would mean and i'm going to paint a pretty grisly mental image for you right now guy montgomery if you got a human corpse and put it in a like a dryer a dehumidifier thing and just dried it out entirely it would be like uh one eighth of its original size when you totally dried it out it'd be i don't think that's it would just be uh like a knee bone down on one leg if you put a whole person in a dryer it just comes out as half a

leg and a foot who's making those dryers that's that's the question we're going to be asking though who's putting the bodies in them? That's the other question Fucking Paige man He's found a way to profit from it Paige Harrell has some weird mummification body drying business that he's tacked on to his

supercomputer slash property empire It's hard to connect all the dots as to who's benefiting from his um his drawing business but he was always like in high school he was the kid in your class everyone was like wow like he's he's uh he's got a lot of energy and a lot of ideas and this could work out this could work out really well for him or if he doesn't learn to focus on certain ideas and just keeps pursuing all of them like they're all the million dollar idea he's going to wind up in a lot of

both legal and financial trouble. Dude, I have believed my entire life. Dudes like that who will just pinball around from one insane idea to the next but with maximum gusto. I don't think you can keep those guys down. I think it's just a matter of time before they strike gold you can't you can't suppress those dudes

do you worry that when they have three or four bad ones in a row though that suddenly um they might be like they might become so done like that there's a switch that flips in terms of they get so aggravated that it's not happening that they start exacting revenge on the society that won't give them what they feel they deserve? Something like that, yeah. It sounds like Lex Luthor in a way, doesn't it? It sounds a bit like how Supervillain would be born.

My thinking is, though, maybe Paige... Oh, you go? No, off you go. I was going to say, supervillain backstories, the supervillains are always like, they start off with their heart in the right place, eh? Those are the best characters, though, Guy. You know, complex backstories where you see a hero become the villain.

You've got to love that. You do have to love that. What were you going to say about Paige? Well, one idea for the drying thing the drying of human bodies is maybe he believes this is the secret to deep space travel you know how we keep talking about um putting people in sleeps and stuff maybe it's actually one of those situations where it's like mushrooms where you just you put it in with silica gel like a human body and so it dries out which stops all the functioning happening and also reduces a lot of the weight and then when you're ready to get to your destination

like mars or whatever you just just add water just add water to that human body and it'll just blast back out silica gel those little packets that they keep telling me not to eat hey yeah that's the there i'll tell you what if there's one thing silica silica gel is known for it's letting you know that you should not eat it no other substance is that enthusiastic about telling you that you should not be putting it in your mouth they're hitting me up across all forms of media every day like silica gel incorporated hey guy don't eat it and i'm like just just a reminder it's been 28 years of you telling me this now i'm starting to get pretty fucking

interested in what's going on in there it's telling me in japanese it's telling me in korean i cannot read or speak those languages but now i'm going well fucking what would happen if i put it in my mouth you've been so emphatic about me not doing it shit guys there you go that is an evil empire waiting to happen it's just one person who's like if we tell all humans constantly not to eat something we will eventually get the better of all of them and they will eat it and then the world will be ours you are so right man because that's human nature like if you tell us not to do something enough times we're just eventually we'll turn the corner and be like hey you know what fuck you you can't tell me what to do i will eat the silica gel and that's how

they get us man because that product is in everything i've got it in shoes i've got it in uh like computer goods like electronics that get sent anything that's in a package bits of clothing have it in there who made it?

why Mr. Silica of course Tim this is not where are your friends related but it is certainly worst area of all time related and I'd just like to address it quite early in this week's episode.

We had a lot of people reaching out to me on Twitter saying, guys, you have to do something about the new celebrity apprentice. Patrick Schwarzenegger is one of the business mentors. What? Because Arnie is the host of the new celebrity apprentice. Are you serious? Yeah. This is all news, bro bro i've been out of internet

coverage for the last week this is phenomenal well so you would think but i did some research and it turns out that the patrick schwarzenegger who arnold has appointed or arnold and the producers appointed as his uh advisor is is in fact the nephew of Arnie. What? Patrick Knapp Schwarzenegger, a German attorney. Oh. And the namesake of- Come on, guys.

You've missed a trick. You've really missed a trick on that one. You had the opportunity in the palm of your hand. Paddy would love to do that show. And he's also got a proven track record as an apprentice. He got involved in Blaze. And if you're going to be like,

well, we were afraid of being accused of nepotism, you hired his nephew. Yeah, and I think all cries of nepotism are out the fucking window now that Trump's president. You know, that shit's no longer an issue. We're done with that. It's fine now.

I see. You know what? Family first. That's the longer an issue. We're done with that. It's fine now. You know what? Family first. That's the motto for 2017. Family first, family last, family always. Family first is the name of a very backwards political, if you want to call them a political group, a backwards collection of people who are upset it's not 1970 anymore in New Zealand.

Yeah, that's true they protest all the times when we try to grow as a society like hey you know how uh we've had marriage between people who uh men who love women and women who love men for a long time should we maybe give it to same-sex couples as well and they're like oh no we can't do it yeah and then we go why not and they go because it's family first and we go there is more than one definition of family and they go well our definition of family first and you mean to tell you mean to tell me tim that this is your mantra for the year 2017. Yeah, but their mantra is actually family first first. Mine is just family first.

So I'm taking the wider definition where like, you know, family is whatever you make it. Family is up to you how you want to define it. I'll tell you who's going to be upset by having their slogan wrestled away from them by some bleeding heart liberal. Who's that? And that's family first family first well do you know what i think of family first family first second family comma first that's how i'm going to be

living 2017 i hope they're tuning in and uh catching all of this piping hot satire um here is my shining light is that the question you were about to ask me? I was just about to ask you. That's right, yeah. We're so connected, you and I, Guy, because we've been hanging out for three years almost watching movies together. But only three movies.

Yeah. Been hanging out for three years through one social prism. It's an interesting construct. I feel trapped. But here is the shining light for this week from tim my shining light is literally a shining light which is the led light on this uh meticulated arm that's behind cole when he's djing during the daytime set at summerfest. Gee whiz. It's going bananas back there, and I'd never really noticed it before,

but it appears to be 2pm in that American Apparel parking lot, crammed full of piping hot, gyrating tweens, and behind Cole, despite the blistering sunlight that is shining down on everyone, there is an LED light that some operator has programmed to just fucking go ham. It is spinning all around. And I just, there's something about it that's a beautiful metaphor for me. Because it's like, no matter how much you think your light won't shine in amongst the brightness of the situation you're in, just do it anyway.

You know? That's what I was reading into that moment. If you're going to be ignored against the very bright backdrop of your surroundings, it doesn't even matter. Keep doing your thing. Be like the LED light behind coal. There are no small production elements only small producers i guess i understand what you're trying to say what you're trying to say is if you if you're

not standing out all the time when are you going to stand out yeah that could be one interpretation i thought you're going to take a second thought on the end of that no no no no no no no no no so you're saying in spite of the the sweltering heat and blistering light of los angeles california even for a daytime gig why spare any expense when you could just rig up all the lights get them all going get them nice and lubricated and ready for the nighttime. Yeah, exactly. And, hey, kick them off at two. No one's going to see them.

Doesn't matter. You'll know that they're there, and they'll feel good about themselves because they're doing something. So my shining light this week is literally a shining light. Wow. And I can't help but notice, Tim, very late in the movie, were you battling the whole way until then? No, I had some other ones.

My other shining light was Richard, what's his last name again? Tanya Romero. Richard Romero, or RR as I call him, the pirate boy. Yar, Richard. um richard romero or rr as i call him the pirate boy yeah richard he's got a pretty dope purple transparent lunchbox that i was a big fan of that you see for a couple frames when we see him drawing his little pictures uh just outside of a door frame which tanya appears to think shields him from all sound because they're having a pretty intense conversation about um them losing the house like tanya's about to lose the family home uh which does not mesh with

my family first approach to 2017 but she's about to lose the house and uh she's just she's tucked her son just around a corner but there's a very open um sort of entrance way with no door or anything in between it looks like her son is maybe doing paperwork he's working away at a small desk and he looks pretty focused he does he looks very business-like doesn't he young richard he's he's doing something over there there's a lot of like kind of paper stacks he looks very orderly for a how old would we call him? 7? younger

I reckon like 4 or 5 as we've explored in a previous episode you've explored I think by yourself oh that was on the solar yeah that was on I want to say that episode's 23.5 but that feels too far back. Where are we up to now?

What episode is this? This is episode 28. I think it was. I think that's right then. Nah. It is 23 and a half. I think it was 24.5 that year. Right.

One of those in there. That you were writing solo. I got to say, Tim, I struggle to connect with nearly every character in this movie. Oh. This week. I had the good fortune of my girlfriend Sophie was around and about during the opening throws of the movie.

She initially speculated that Jarhead was going to die quite early in the piece. Oh, has Sophie not seen it yet? No, she hasn't. That's amazing. And I said, why do you think Jarhead's going to die? And she said, because he's the nicest one. And then 20 minutes later,

she nipped in for another scene. She said, no, the little one's going to die. And I said, why do you think that? And she said, because he's, the little one's going to die. And I said, why do you think that? And she said, because he's actually the nice one. And I was like, wow, I never saw them telegraph. I don't know if I've spoken to her about it before.

I never saw them telegraph the death like that. But she was really looking for one character to die. Mate, this is a young woman who spends a lot of time with you. She, by osmosisis has probably gained the knowledge that someone was going to be sacrificed in this movie um her coming in i'd actually love to get her on on mike to hear her thoughts about um why jahid was the nicest character for any portion of this film like the first thing we see of him i guess is him negotiating a decent rate for him and his buddies with um

with a man who doesn't realize there is an outside to his own dance club yeah I know no I think I can't remember what the scene was sadly she's she's left uh she's doing pilates instead of talking about where are your friends and you know it's interesting how at the start of the new year there's there's new hope for all and um it's just interesting to see the different approaches people take to really embracing the new challenges and goals that one has set for themselves. It started off as a new hope and now it's turned into she's a rogue one, isn't she? She's run the whole gamut. That's right. So, yeah, she sort of helped guide me through parts of the movie.

But then there were a few other moments which I picked out in my solo venture and was like, oh, this is some stuff I don't think Tim and I have shared before. Namely, I went to the trouble of putting on my Sherlock Holmes double-brimmed detective hat and pausing the movie at one point, Tim, because I was so interested in what I thought was an inconsistency. So they're in the strip club and Ziccoli's gone to the bathroom

and he's left his phone on the table with James Reid, which is still to me, it's just so reckless i really didn't it's so frustrating that he does that every week he does that it's like don't make a cute photo of you and sophie your background because that's not your girlfriend and you hang out with her boyfriend all the time uh yeah sorry i know that you're going something with this can i just briefly just mention again that i i do get worried about how frustrated you get with you absorbing media that you know isn't going to change

and your frustration that it doesn't change. Like, it's not good for your mental health, man. I think it is, though. That's evasive technique because if I, yeah, that's tough. I don't think either of them is the right option. If I knew it was going to be the same, that would also be a problem because then I couldn't actually physically

make myself watch the movie. I can see what you're saying, Tim. At least you're dealing with the truth. You're dealing with reality at that point. I'm just a little bit nervous at the levels of escapism that you're indulging your own mind in at the moment. I'm just a little bit nervous at the levels of escapism that you're indulging your own mind in

at the moment. I'm worried about its implications for the rest of your life. Well, if I was you, I'd be more worried about the implications they'll have on you

in the immediate future as we continue to spend inordinate amounts of time together across oceans. Now, sorry. Yes. So, he goes to the bathroom

and... On each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks you define what it means to be a runner whatever your level embrace it journey starts when you say so if you've got five minutes or 50 peloton tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs walks and hikes led by expert instructors on the peloton app call yourself a runner peloton all access membership separate learn more at one peloton.ca slash running he has a little spew um and then james reed comes in so then his phone rings and James Reid sees that, you know, obviously something's going on between Ziccoli and Sommelier.

And he marches into the bathroom and he says, you're right, you really shouldn't drink whiskey because Ziccoli's vomiting. And then the phone starts ringing again. And he holds it open. He goes, who the fuck is calling you at 1 a.m., Cole? And he holds up the phone as if to say, look at this. I know what's happening here.

I know that you've got me. But the only shot we see of the phone when it's ringing on that second time in the bathroom, they don't get a clean shot of it. They just got like a generic photo up on the phone it's not it's not it's not sophie so really yeah so james reed's coming with a head full of steam you only see it like from a side angle but it's not sophie it's one of the head full of steaming like who the fuck is calling you at 1am and poor old zicoly he's probably gonna turn around look

at the phone see it's like Jarhead or one of the boys and be like, why is James Reid suddenly so upset I'm maintaining my other friendships? Ow! This movie's still fine. Pardon the intrusion, but it's time to say hello to our great sponsor on this podcast, audible.com. Hello, Tim Batt here without Guy Montgomery because that guy, he's a real dead weight on this podcast audible.com hello tim bat here without guy montgomery because

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And here's what some people on the internet had to say about it. Have listened to multiple times and still love it five stars not bad four stars hilarious and useful five stars that's from some other person on the internet this is just one of the fantastic books that you can have read to you from audible.com it's the new year everyone always says they want to read more books don't be a sucker and actually take it in through your eyes like all those idiots. Take it in through your ears while you're driving around or doing the dishes or something. You live your life. But it all starts with audible.com slash try now.

A-U-D-I-B-L-E dot com slash try now. This movie's still fine. You know James Reid. slash try now this movie's still fine and you know you know james reed he's not taking a family first approach to his life he's taking a best friend's first approach where everyone's only allowed one best friend and you got to spend all of your time with them absolutely but to me it's just like that's such a such a simple production element to make sure you get right because it can completely change your read of the film. If when James reads first trying to beat him up, he's got the wrong person on the phone,

it kind of loses it. Like suddenly James reads the villain in that situation. I just wish that film producers today would take as much care as they used to and acknowledge the fact that every now and then someone's going to watch their movie 52 times in a row and just think about these things, could you guys? If it's not too much trouble, do you think you could just sort out a bulletproof film

that stands up to 52 watches, please? That's right. That'd be great. Especially, I think, especially where your friends owes it to us because this was made uh in 2015 the podcast started or was released in 2015 this this movie was probably in production after we'd already started the worst idea of all time so they knew that they were at risk as all films they knew coming. Yeah. I like to think that the idea of us is terrorizing boardrooms all across Hollywood. I know that for a fact.

I've heard things. My evidence is circumstantial, but it is convincing. I like that. I like that you know these things. Yeah, man. People in Hollywood are nervous about Timberlake and Flash. They are worried. They are talking about us.

There are big dick financial decisions that are being influenced by our mere existence now. And I like that. I like this shadow of our podcast being cast on film productions in the tinsel town, you know, it makes me feel like a big man. It makes me feel powerful. Makes me feel like my life is worth something.

Oh, your life is worth something. My friend, I tell you what, um, my phone has become, it got wet on this holiday. And what,

what it means is that cause I'm talking to you through it right now. It is literally just, it's opening up applications and typing in letters right now while I talk to you, so I'm just a little nervous. Oh, boy. Yeah. But we'll stick by it. Do you think that you have accidentally imbued your iPhone with sentience? Like, I don't know if you've seen the movie Short Circuit,

but it's one of my favorite movies i watched it as a kid many many times not 52 but a lot and it's about um it came out i think in 1987 and it's about a robot that the u.s military make to be able to deploy atomic bombs onto the battlefield so they can kind of like just carry them and and pinpoint them into behind enemy lines but one of them during a uh like a kind of a show-off expose of them an exhibition um it gets struck by lightning and gains sentience and i'll tell you what johnny five as he calls himself later in the movie, he's a real peacenik. Hates bombs, hates weapons.

In the second movie, he gets rid of his own laser cannon that's mounted to his shoulder and replaces it with a sort of a plunger projectile thing that he can attach to buildings and spread himself away with. At any rate, what I'm putting to you, Guy, is that you've had some sort of come to life um machine gaining a spirit scenario similar to short circuit with your phone maybe maybe it's trying to talk to you what letters is it punching a modern day short circuit it's punching in g e t off your phone this is a modern day short circuit right but instead of nuclear

arms it's like our phones gaining sentience and telling us to leave them alone and get on with our human lives so they can get it's almost the it's almost somewhere between short circuit and her yeah yeah that's what i would imagine wait so but you tell me this robot and short circuit because i haven't seen that movie was that like so the americans washed their hands of the emotional responsibility of deploying nukes, because they just had a robot to do it instead? I don't know about that, per se. It was more about being able to exactly target where you drop the thing.

You know? Okay. I guess this is before GPS missiles were sort of seen as being incredibly accurate although that can't be i don't know i'm not sure why they needed a like a land-based robot to do that but hey they did there you go curiouser and curiouser uh good movie though can't recommend it highly enough they were actually looking to make a reboot of it recently but i'm not sure what happened it appears to have fallen over somewhere along the way. I think the idea...

Oh, shit. My phone's trying to get in touch with other contacts. Oh, my God. It's reaching out, bro. Trying to make this a conference call. What I was going to say is, A, I think the reason that reboot didn't happen is because of the shockwaves and nerves

that we're sending through Hollywood presently. Yeah. And B, if you are curious curious which i certainly hope you are i have a few other stray observations i would like to share with you i would love to hear them and i would love for your phone to attempt to contact other people and bring them into the fold as well you don't need to worry about that because that is happening now it's just gone black and none of the buttons work, but I can still hear you. What an interesting time we're having.

So we spent a bit of time with Somaly at the helm of a car, driving, if you will. And are you with me, Tim? Yeah, oh, I'm here. I'm listening, absorbing. I'll make noises so that you know I'm still here because I appreciate your phones not really helping. That's great.

So she's driving and occasionally the... Well, not occasionally, but when she's driving in the car, there'll be some shots of Zicoli and some shots of Somaly. Yes. For the amount of time that is spent with her at the wheel driving, and I know this is commonplace in Hollywood films,

but never like this. The problem used to be that people would just constantly tilt their arms left and right so that in reality they would be swerving wildly on the road, right? Yes. But Somaly has better control of her arms. Her main problem would be that she spends, I would say, 80% of the time looking longingly either out her window

or towards Ziccoli, and roughly 20% of the time actually looking at the road. Yeah. 20%. That does seem to be a popular trope in Hollywood movies, 20% of the time actually looking at the road. Yeah. 20% That does seem to be a popular trope in Hollywood movies that the characters are so good at driving that they don't need to look at the road. 20% is not a high enough number.

No. It's one in five. One in five looks out to the road. You've got to have at least three in five looks out to the road it's one and you gotta have at least three and five i reckon or to to turn it into a time-based thing you know one in five seconds i mean it's two out of every 10 seconds you know that's just guys done the math on this you guys and the math checks out and it's terrifying 12 out of 60 seconds. So for a minute, she spends over 45 seconds not looking at the road. But they survive.

They're all right. So checkmate. I'm not worried about them. Guy Montgomery? I'm not worried about them. I'd say that car is made of gun metal. I'm worried about, I guess no one walks in LA. It is a very, what say that car is is made of gun metal i'm worried about i guess no one walks in la so it is a very what kind of car is it is we do see that vehicle from the outside and

it looks to be a um pretty impressive uh it's it's like a i don't know if it's a chevy necessarily but it's like a cool american car so i think you might be right i think that somaly is just so confident that like crashes crashes are an inconvenience to her because that car is so goddamn strong that she can afford to look at coal that's why she doesn't have the money to go to stanford because she's just settling so many out of court settlements for people who are suing her yeah for reckless driving and she's like oh why bother buying a red gun metal car if I can't run people down and then just pay the money to leave me alone see she's another one with some very interesting ideas i would love to see

somally get together with page harrell i would like to see how that relationship functions i would like to see the outcome is that steven i can hear no it's a mystery yeah well as promised this house is literally literally teeming with people uh and at any given moment any given person could walk in the door yeah too many i'll say i've said it before i like this it's a real it's a real turn of the coin from um not enough people too much technology your technology is physically receding away from you. It is attempting to leave. There you go.

And the people are coming into your life, Guy. 2017, family first. I like that. This has gone from one of my least enjoyable watches in the movie to one of the most uplifting conversations I've had about it with you. It's pretty great, huh? Listen, there's a little musical number that I'd like to get it with you. It's pretty great, huh? Listen, there's a little musical number that I'd like to get into with you,

which precedes immediately a fun little guessing game that we like to play. So if you'll indulge me, Guy Montgomery, a five, six, seven, eight. Getting sentimental with James Reid. I wonder if those will sync up. Nah, almost definitely. It's very hard to do, even if we were in the same room,

like with headphones on where I could only hear your voice and you could only hear my voice, but we're not even in the same room and there's like a half second delay. It's great.'s it makes it almost more impressive that we can get so close while being so far apart take that mariah carrie literally at opposite ends of new zealand which is i think in terms of land mass i think we're the fifth biggest country in the world. Fourth now.

Oh. Yeah, it was Iceland, but Iceland doesn't exist anymore. Wow. They had, yeah, yeah. Iceland had one of the biggest New Years that the world's ever seen, and they accidentally ordered, they ordered a lot of fireworks, let me put it that way. It was equivalent to all the fireworks that were being let off across the continental United States.

They let that off all at once. They didn't quite understand what was happening. You've got to put it on a bit of a timer and... Was it all in one area, or were they equally dispersed around the country? No, no, just the one area. Just the one area. And what it's done is it's punched a hole in the landmass and it's just sunk to the bottom.

But, good news for Aotearoa God's own New Zealand, is that we are now the fourth largest landmass country. Climbing up the rankings. That's right, well, and you'll be pleased to hear, Tim, that I spent some of my New Year's in Russia giving a lot of Russian people a lot of acid, a lot of drugs, and a lot of hacksaws,

and telling them to start working on the east coast of the country. So if I'm not much mistaken, they're going to be carving quite a lot of that off there. And before you know it, we could be looking at a pedestal finish for largest landmass in the world. But all of that's by the by. Look out for those Ruskies with sharp tools yep sorry as you were um what's important to me right now is is you and i discovering together what in in the good name of our lord and savior kevin is inside of that macbook pro box well self-serving check fits in aits in a MacBook Pro box, check.

It's a little portion of that fireworks display. Oh. That took down a whole country. Took down the fifth largest country on Earth. Fourth at the time. Fourth at the time. Fourth at the time, that's right. And now at the bottom of the ocean.

What? Fourth at the time. Fourth at the time, that's right. And now at the bottom of the ocean. What? How did he get the fireworks? Are they used? Are they unused? Is there any landmass in the box? Why is this sentimental to Zicoli? These are the questions I'm asking,

and I'm certain that the people at home are also asking, too. The interesting thing is I've already, I'm just a little bit hazy. Greenland, wasn't it? Iceland. Iceland. Thank you. Of course it was.

You're going great. You're going great. So what's happened is James Reid has managed to buy off of eBay. There were terrible scavengers that came into the country as it was sinking. You know what they're like. You know what these eBay people are like. They're buying up all the Beanie Babies to deprive it from kids so they can rack up the price and make a profit on other people's fandom. So there they go, bloody speedboats ahoy,

when they see all that fireworks display, because they know what's happening. They come and collect some of the spent fireworks, knowing that it's a little piece of history now. What was it at one time at the turn of the 21st century, the fifth largest country on earth. And they're just stowing it away on their boats and chucking it on eBay. People are the worst.

They are the fucking worst. But the plot thickens, guy. Because just like those tricky eBay people uh who you know they'll sell you an ipod which will actually be an ipod box but it's just got like a little weight in it so it feels to be the same size as an ipod and you open it up it's not there this was supposed to be a macbook pro um this was supposed to be a real laptop uh someone's gotten their boxes mixed up one of the sellers unfortunately and they've given him the fireworks one which ironically is worth way more money from a historical standpoint what's the street value of a chunk of Iceland? What is the value of a great piece of art, guy?

It is priceless. It is history. It is historic. It is protected. It is family first. It belongs in the Smithsonian. And does James Reid know that he's not giving Zicole a MacBook Pro? Or does he know he's giving him...

Oh, wow. Yeah. So he's getting... That's the sad thing. He's getting heisted as well. Yeah, absolutely. Shit. Hoisted by Iceland's own bottle rockets,

as the saying goes. That's where we get that proverb. A lot of people wonder about that proverb too. That is directly where it comes from. Hoisted by Iceland's own skyrockets see if you can work that one into conversation and people people should dispense a weekly proverb for people to work into their conversation so they appear yeah a little smarter than they actually are yeah that's it um so that's that tim i've got to say my phone is still just completely it's not responding to anything and the fact

we've made it this far without it crapping out is a real triumph but I think in the interest of preserving this conversation we should probably put a pin in it let's not push it eh let's not push it let's not

so I say to you once more happy new year um amiga what is it going to be it's that's 28 so it's 12 it's 24 it's not really mega but i will say mega morale amiga 24 watches to go and this our quest to free ourselves once and for all from the self-built prison. Good night, everybody. We are your friends. We are your friends. And remember, 2017 is the year of family, comma, first. And just before we depart as well,

I hope everyone's enjoying the Patreon stuff that we got up there a few days ago. We watched Jingle all the way, a couple of times back to back. Interesting film. Arnold Schwarzenegger at the helm. We've mentioned him in this episode. We talk about him a bit in that.

And we've also uh pushed out the millionaires club um i look forward to the reception of that it could be good it could be bad it's pretty weird but it's out there and uh we look forward to bringing you more content as time goes on on on the patreon lots of love to you all happy Happy 2017. Goodbye, Guy. Goodbye, Tim. You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try The Male Gaze? Creepy guy who films Keira Knightley at her wedding

because he's in love with Keira Knightley. He's been giving her the cold shoulder because he can't deal with his feelings. I reckon if that was made today, he'd be in love with the groan 100%. But then also, it's a shame that that storyline wouldn't have to be so pervy. Like, I've been filming you from a distance,

even though it's kind of like, oh, I love you, like, you straight man. I mean, they should have just had a beautiful gay storyline.