The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Four - Milk

Episode Date: November 21, 2016

SPONSORED BY AUDIBLE.COMThe boys are up to their 24th watch (though this is news to Timbo) and it is becoming apparent they have no any desire to engage with the film. What they would prefer is to talk about milk. The nature of it, the social propriety attached to its consumption and the changing appropriateness of it as one ages. Guyguy lays down a framework for a good omelette and confesses to a heavy sugar intake during his university years while trying to impress children with his reckless diet. A bet is placed which backfires spectacularly for Spindley and this week, we've got a special, sentimental cocktail with a lot of diary and a little narcotics.Trailer: Boners of The Heart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Twitter at LittleEmpirePod. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a cully bastard. One of them dies, that guy's a squirrel. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph You forget that films are supposed to have a point Welcome to the worst idea of all time Episode 26 I'm Tim Batt 24 I'm Tim Batt

I'm Montgomery That was really intense You really sprung that on me And you, the listener I guess Where did that come from friend? Reddit Reddit Someone just put it up there You found it Put that on me. And you, the listener, I guess. Where did that come from, friend? Reddit. Reddit. Someone just put it up there, you found it,

and we were away laughing. If the amount of noise I'm making in your ear just changed, that's because I'm now closer to the microphone. Yeah, I'm really messing with you. I had to change the theme this week, Guy, because this is the two-dozenth time that we've watched We Are Your Friends, and Maximum Joseph is having minimal impact. change the theme this week guy because this is the two dozenth time that we've watched we are your friends and maximum joseph is having minimal impact i love how quickly you readjusted your

messages then you introduced as the 26th watch and then immediately the reason that you had to bring in the new introduction was because it was the two well the second dozen that's the beauty of batman he's quick on his feet he's agile He's with the times You are the Batman Yeah Two Ts That's right There's a lot of people Banging down your studio door Asking you to dole out

Some vigilante justice And what do you say to them? I say I've got a belt For everything Show me to the madness Show me to the madness You're literally taking work From the Batman

Yeah Old Batman though Old Batman with the Old Batman with the Utility belt That one you're not taking is it any mold you mean to tell me there are multiple batmans existing in the world at any one time the old batman had a utility belt which kind of served any purpose it needed to at the given time it feels like they've really gone away from that as time's gone on and the legend of

batman i'm hearkening back to those days, those Adam West-filled days. Do you think that the way that they've taken the Batman oeuvre away from belts, do you think that's probably to try and keep pace with the weapons that the villains have access to now? I think they've fallen into that classic trap of following fashion rather than trends. I mean, fashion rather than style is what I meant by that.

You know, style is timeless, but fashion is very finite. You can't buy style, but you can buy fashion? Yep. That sort of thing. That sort of thing. That's interesting. What's it like when you're out there

doling out some vigilante justice with a belt? Very trendy. Very trendy. Didn't you think though that we needed a different intro for this one because it was that that one really just washed over me that watch uh yeah i was happy for it it was certainly it's a different way to start the conversation uh yeah i mean i i didn't particularly enjoy it i was telling you when i arrived uh i'm that my work situation presently is quite uh grueling you're up to your testes and grueling tv work uh yeah but not the fun not the fun stuff no the real nuts and bolts of it and i genuinely sought uh so i mean yeah having to do it every you it all day every day and I looked

to this film this week as a brief respite yeah as like an oasis as a change of pace from the other work

and for the first five minutes that excitement and that energy was present and I was really looking forward to it I think also

I had a physical meal in my lap at that point you had a bit of salmon yeah I can't remember exactly what your wording was, but the feeling you were conveying was this may be the first time ever

that you have been looking forward to watching We Are Your Friends. Yeah. Just as a break in the normal trajectory of your week. That's right. And it's amazing how quickly that dissipates. Yeah, they took that goodwill and they pissed all over it in front of me. They said, we're going to take this positive energy guy we're going to put it into our movie

the same way we do every week and we're going to piss all over it this is the first time we've watched it in a while as well because we bought ourselves a bit of time by watching it so much all at once while we were in the states so this is our first time back post trip and you would have thought

it would be like, oh, hello, old friend. Please come and make yourself at home. Let me put the kettle on and we'll have a cup of tea and a ketchup. But instead, it was like some fuckwit mate of yours who turns up on your doorstep at three in the morning, waking up all of your roommates, and he's wasted. And you're just trying to sort him out

and get a glass of water down his throat so you can put him into the spare bedroom. But he's aggressive and antagonistic and unruly and a little bit like just very keen to damage your property so you found the movie outwardly disrespectful it wasn't even just like a simmering passive aggressive sort of disagreement it was like an out and out i'm here i'm not in a good way fuck you fuck everything you've worked so hard to build. This is what's happening right now. If I could pick one word for it, it'd be belligerent.

It was a belligerent expose of filmmaking this week. There were some positives. Such as? You're just going to dive into a shining light? No, no, no, not at all. Go on. I've got that on my sleeve. I don't want to talk about that. You can do it.

It's not my shining light. I want to talk about Somaly. And I guess it speaks levels to our relationship with the film at the moment that what I'm taking as a good thing wasn't necessarily a good thing so much as like a neutral thing. But I thought this week, and it occurred to me in watching her performance this week, that all the other weeks,

I don't remember specifically ever having taken issue with any of her choices or You don't hate Somaly Yeah and I'm trying to put a positive spin on that as if to say, so that's nice it's nice to have a beacon of hope

in an otherwise hellish landscape But would you say that you like Somaly? Or you just don't hate her? Both of those are loaded choices of wording. There is a ground between liking and not hating someone. It's like, it's fine. I wouldn't want to sit next to her. So it's like a benevolent neutrality.

Yes. It's, yeah. My feeling in seeing her is never full-blown excitement or disappointment it's just like ah you again hello you good the conversation's good for about half a minute and then we both have to move on but it's never like oh no it's never like like the rest of the boys like johnny depp good god johnny depp i've had it up to here with johnny depp listens you can't see at home but i'm motioning with my hands right up to above my head

as high as Tim can reach is how far up to it he's had it with Johnny Depp and fair enough too guy's a monster it just really we're not even at the halfway point yet which is very depressing because I really felt in a ditch today

what? you look so incredulous like the math didn't quite check out no no not that which is very depressing because I really felt in a ditch today. What? Do you think we've been- You look so incredulous like the math didn't quite check out. No, no, no, not that. But is this- I feel like this is the most downcast we've been for a while. I think we were relatively- I think we're a bit down and out on this one, do you?

Upbeat last time. I think because we had a lackey in the form of the millionaire. We were in a flashy new environment. It was all bells and whistles, bright lights. A lot of bells, a lot of whistles. And when you strip all that away, it's just you and I, Guy, looking at a screen,

giving us the same thing it's always given us for the last 23 weeks. And it's funny to bemoan it, isn't it? Because it's a lesson that we should have learned and could have learned. Yeah. But we just keep on keeping on. Yeah, so that was all right, Somaly's performance.

And realizing that I have in her not a powerful ally, but certainly an acquaintance, someone who might be on the cusp of, who's perpetually on the cusp of breaking through to a friend. Yeah. You know, there are people who are just like, for whatever reason, the relationship never moves beyond friendly familiarity. She's Switzerland right now. In an ocean of Austrias, she's Switzerland.

What's Austria? An ocean of Austrias? I think I was just tying Hitler too much to Austria. It was really more Germany. I shouldn't blame where he was born and raised You know, for what happened next You are raining down In an ocean of Germany's

Somaly is Switzerland Yeah, that is immediately a clearer metaphor It's immediately clear that you are measuring Where are your friends against The atrocities of World War II Yeah, that is what I'm doing. Some would say that's an unfair comparison or analogy to draw, and I think I could include Guy Montgomery in that group of people.

I think we've even had a different variation of the same analogy. Yeah, because I keep referring to us as the troops and us being in the trenches together, which you object to. Oh, no, I don't mind that so much. I am fine with you objecting to it. Let me say that. I understand your reservations about just letting that analogy hang in the air of this podcast.

I get it. I get that we're in the trenches. We're in the trenches, Tim. Did you enjoy anything? Not a shining light, but was there anything at all? No. No, right from day dot, but was there anything at all? No. Okay. No. Okay.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. It was all pretty bad stuff.

Did you take any issue with anything specifically? Johnny Depp. Yeah. Again. Not good. We dug into PCP a bit. We did. We did a little background research on PCP.

Not to say you wouldn't dig into it ourselves. We didn't imbibe any psp. No. Although, what a record that would be. I'm not prepared to dabble in PCP. There's some things I think are best left mysteries and for me PCP

is firmly on that list. I don't need to get in there and muck around with that. But we were looking up, you know, because it has taken 24 watches of seeing a movie that very playfully displays the effects of PCP

as being paintings just kind of, you know, moving around and blinking. Coming to life, but in a friendly way. And that seems unlikely to me. If you were hallucinating deeply enough for paintings

to be coming to life and bleeding from the walls into reality reality the likelihood that all of the paintings would be nice to you yeah it's low well at least paintings by you know by default are good entities you know like they're good people i actually think on the balance of things and i'm not sure what i'm basing this on but if paintings came to life as a whole as like a kind of a uh like a species i actually think that'd be bad i think that'd be kind of that have an i guess yeah boy do you think there are more uh sort of paintings of uh beautiful positive sort of jaunty feelings or they're more i don't even think it comes down to that even like a painting of flowers there's a uh there's an inherent there's malice in it yeah there's malice in it yeah and there's an there's an aggression to the medium itself irrespective of the subject what sort of art do you like on your walls then if not paintings of flowers i always thought that

they were that's like a pretty i've got i'm just looking around the studio to see how I've decorated it. I've got some sort of photography things going on over there from some high school students that I bought at a thingy about three years ago. At a thingy? Yeah, you know, like a showing, like a... An exhibition. Yeah, that's what you call it.

I've got some technical schematics of the dual shock controller from the PlayStation. Yeah, you do. And the Game Boy, the original Game Boy in a hard drive. Because I thought they looked cool. They do look cool. It suits your aesthetic. A big fat nerd guy?

Not a big fat nerd guy. I would accuse you more of being sort of wiry um oh i don't quite know how to describe it i feel like you're constantly in motion you're quite like that but not kinetic yeah you're quite kinetic wiry kinetic uh tech guy spindly some would say spindly does capture the essence of tim quite it's funny because i feel like you just tripped over that word you know know, like a couple months ago or whatever. But it works. Oh, mate.

Yeah. I worry about your bones. How much dairy do you take on? I'm drinking more milk than I used to. Straight milk? Yeah. Are you a teenage boy? Are you an infant?

Then get the fuck off the milk. That's creepy as hell dude yeah i know it is creepy isn't it and it's weird because when you're a kid everyone's all about you know get that cow's milk in you and then you become an adult and people are like the fuck you up to bro do you want to put any coffee in there it's like no i'm just having a glass of milk you know it's disgusting i used to i was when you're when i was a teenager i was i could not get enough of the stuff yeah if there was not a circumstance in which a cold glass of milk didn't go perfectly. But now, yeah, I would never, ever throw back a...

I had one today. How was it? I had one today. I got myself a bit prepared because I've made a... You know, I've never made an omelette before. And I'm pretty good at scrambled eggs, but I don't really know what the difference is. So I chopped up a whole bunch of capsicum and onion and fresh chilli

chucked it in a pan and just kind of started throwing eggs in the mix and then just knocking that round just like whole eggs is that what you do? no you whip them up this is a new segment of the podcast by the way sponsored by the Federated Egg Farmers

the Federated Egg Farmers of America what you do is you whip them all up like a scramble uh but with no milk ironically you can put a little milk in there oh okay i remove the irony then uh yeah irony irony maintained irony revoked either way yeah you just treat like a scramble and then yeah you cook up your ingredients, and then you pour the eggs over them, and you let it all cook together. So it's just a scramble? No, but you don't put your spatula in there and mix it all around.

You just let it cook as one big almost egg pancake. So anyway, I did my version of that, and then chucked it on some toast, and then put chili. I've got a Cajun seasoning thing. Put a bunch on top of that and i was like you know what with the chili and the cajun seasoning we could be in spice town so what i'll do because i've accidentally bought too much milk and i'm going out of town soon is i'll just put

myself how much milk is too much milk not a huge amount but if i open your fridge how much milk three liters when did you buy it when yeah? Yeah. Well, here's the thing. I went to the supermarket yesterday and did a lot of grocery shopping. Got a bunch of shit, including milk. And then kind of just had to escape the house today for a bit, strategically. Time to avoid some people. And so I just went to the shops again and kind of forgot what I'd done yesterday and bought essentially the exact same shop all again.

And you're leaving tomorrow anyway. Yeah, for a few days. So in terms of perishable items, the milk's a big concern, and that's why I'm drinking a lot of that. Would you ever walk onto a flight with a clear drink bottle filled with milk? Imagine that. Imagine seeing that guy.

You're going somewhere so it's for a business trip and you you made sure you got all your papers you get your briefcase your laptop's all charged up so you can do a little bit of excel spreadsheeting on the flight over not for work just as a hobby just as a hobby that's just to take your mind off the work do a bit of excel spreadsheeting and then a fucking muppet probably in a beanie, because I am one to wear a beanie on most occasions, some fucking Muppet in a beanie is drinking milk out of a goddamn bottle. The most concerning thing about that is you have to empty all liquids or drink all liquids before you clear security.

That's international, though. You've had to procure somehow after you've passed airport security where they pretty much only have vending machines full of like soft drink you have to find somewhere does that apply for domestic here? I don't know probably not I can't remember

you got a knife into Australia I did I've taken yeah there's been stuff in my pockets that shouldn't be there when I've gone into little South Island towns. Oh, yeah. That's going to happen. They don't check anything.

There are no vending machines for milk. Or, like, virtually, or for creams. Maybe flavoured milk. Even flavoured milk you don't see. You don't see enough of it, do you? I think Coca-Cola must own some chocolate milks, right? Oh, undoubtedly. You've got to have...

If you are a drinks-based company, you've got to have a few milks in your arsenal. So why aren't they popping them in the Coca-Cola vending machines? I just think I would be less likely... If I went to a vending machine and it had like coke sprite Fanta milk I would not buy anything

for the vending machine well if you say it like that sure yeah well saying it that's like half as bad as saying it it's not coke

sprite Fanta milk it's choccy milk little choccy milk cheeky little choccy milk that's milk that's 330ml

you know half a pint of chalky milk delicious all right man i used to have so much milk i used to pour strawberry milk on fruit loops did oh god yeah how are you still with us i landed a living i got uh real good blood sugar levels bro you paid you played a lot of sport burned it all off yeah that was a unhealthy time when I moved out of home I just ate fruit loops with strawberry milk and Goody Gumdrops ice cream fuck me mate

that is full on my mate Jono's mum like one of my my best mate Jono's mum came round with her two he's got two much younger siblings

who would have been like seven and nine and I was at the same time as I started eating exclusively this food it won't surprise you, I just discovered

how much I enjoyed smoking the illegal drug, weed. Yeah. It seems to go right alongside what you're describing. And I saw Alex

and I was like, Alex! Who's this, like, the nine-year-old little brother. I was like, you've got to see this. What did you have for lunch?

And he's like, a salad, or I don't know, whatever his mum made of me. And I was like, check out my lunch. And he just poured a big bowl of Froot Loops

pour the strawberry milk on top of it and John and his mum was just like what the fuck are you doing yeah you're a monster dude you can't show little kids that kind of possibility too early they need to be equipped with more information do you know what I had in my I had the bone between my teeth

in terms of what I was thinking of was just how impressed 9 year old me would be if he saw that was a lifestyle for someone the bone between my teeth in terms of what I was thinking of was just how impressed nine-year-old me would be if he saw that was a lifestyle for someone. The bone between your teeth. Oh, you mean like a dog. Yeah, like in the... I thought you mean like in between two teeth. You know what I mean?

Like in a gap in your tooth, there's a bone there. It was a very creepy visual. Yeah, yeah. I misinterpreted it. I think I got a little too descriptive with my... But anyway, sorry, the bone between your teeth was what? Oh, it was just like all i had in my mind was a vision of how much i would have liked to see that as a nine-year-old boy well do you think he was impressed or just then really gutted at his own life that he is eating salads and when i revisit the memory now i his uh jono's mum's reaction sticks out to me more than what I got from Alex.

Sort of the immediate discovery that what I was doing was unacceptable behaviour. That was sort of what sticks out to me. Trying to convince a nine-year-old you were a cool dude. And all you got was scorn from a you know woman in her early early 40s I'm presuming who I yeah who I love and respect

um yep that's what happened I was trying to impress a 9 year old boy by eating Froot Loops oh man while baked

it's not a huge extrapolation like it's not a massive jump in logic to go you know what that guy's gonna end up getting famous for

a fucking podcast where he watches the same movie every week Yeah It's the level of decision making That leads to this kind of lifestyle That's what we're dealing with here Good god So anyway Milk

We'll put that on the shelf Pop that back in the fridge That's a good place for it Is there any milk in the movie? Oh you do see Yeah I think Old mate Oh no it's orange juice isn't it. Is there any milk in the movie? Oh, you do see... Yeah, I think Old Mate... Oh, no, it's orange juice, isn't it, that he drinks straight from the...

Yeah, he has OJ straight from the... Do you know what? I think this might be a milk-free movie. Really? Is there any dairy in it? There's a lot of cheese. There's a big deal made out of the cheese board. And the very interesting choice of camera angle

they used to reveal the cheese board. Yeah, which I only noticed for the first time on this watch. The cheese board. And the very interesting choice of camera angle they used to reveal the cheese board. Yeah. Which I only noticed for the first time on this watch. But if you weren't paying close enough attention, it looks like there's a big old cheese board set atop Zac Efron's lap. That he's holding. And Manzo Coley's got all the cheese. He's balancing with both hands on either side of him.

This, of course, is at... What's her name again? The Stanford party. No, no. What's her name, though? Somali. Somali. No, the the friend she sees it oh yeah uh oh you'd think we'd have it by now wouldn't you no you know you get fucking tunnel vision on the cheese and all the other details for by the way so we'll call it gabby it's not uh but yeah like if he is holding the cheese, that will go some ways to explaining why he performs so poorly at the party

in terms of social etiquette. Why? Well, you alienate a lot of the guests. You show up to a party, no one knows who you are. You pick up this huge expensive cheese board from the middle of a table and just sit it on your lap. Well, he was born and raised in the valley, though. He doesn't know how parties work.

Those kind of mixes, you know, like a wine and cheese night. So he's just going, oh, I guess this plate's for me, and grabs like a shared cheese board and just pops it on his lap. Yeah, but if you're going to one of those parties, surely the better play would be to be like, okay, just don't do anything outlandish. Just stick to your guns. See how other people are acting.

Mimic their their behavior don't do anything to make yourself stand out and so for me to hit the panic button immediately and just sit that big plate of cheese down on your lap while ripping gags literally into the cheese which a lot of people don't actually ruins the taste of cheese if you deliver jokes into a cheese that'll it'll set it off soil the cheese oh god yeah i'm learning a lot in this podcast it's good but that's yeah i mean that goes some ways to explaining why he sort of is just generally not well received or liked at the party that and his latent homophobia yeah i don't know if you can call it latent when he's throwing out some pretty bigoted calls out loud and then punching dudes you know yeah latent latent hidden but existing latent present

present but not visible well at that point in the party it is latent i don't know if it's coming through on the uh old microphones here but there is a woman with a weed whacker just going hell for leather outside i thought it was a water blaster oh you could be right that would explain and hell for leather outside. I thought it was a water blaster. Oh, you could be right. That would explain... You're right, it is a water blaster. It's got the...

You're dead right. The familiar rattle of water being blasted. See, what I was... I now know to be water vapour that's drifting across the fence, I had chalked up to being diesel fumes. Ah. It was a petrol...

You will be relieved. Oh, yeah. Very much so. Not good for the plants, all that diesel Not good at all So she's just going nuts out there On my neighbour's Pool cover

I've done water blasting before And it's quite fun It's like vacuuming nature Right It's one of those jobs where you see the progress Yeah You see what's happening And you can take comfort in that

Yeah There's something very satisfying about that Therapeutic Oh Therapeutic Did you ever shining light If it wasn't Somaly's Kind of mediocrity

Emotional mediocrity I resent thealy's kind of mediocrity? I resent the use of the word mediocrity. Well, it's your... I'm trying to find how to describe it. It's apart from... Your mediocre response to her. It's more neutrality. It's more realizing that we have a neutral relationship. Okay.

There are no feelings for better or worse. It's okay. It's a five out of ten. I did have a shining light. And that was the early on in the movie when Zicoli is explaining his heritage from the San Fernando Valley and advertising the booming sushi trade that they have there. Oh, they love it. So much.

They love a bit of sushi. And what is sushi? Why would they have the best sushi in the valley? Surely Santa Monica, Malibu, Venice, one of these beach seaside towns is going to have superior sushi. Oh, look at the big show-off who's just been to California. Name-dropping locations that exist. I listed three of the best-known beaches.

I don't even know if Santa Monica... No, it is definitely a beach. Jeez, I'm good. They would not have good sushi in the valley. Point the first, which is an aside on my way to the shining light, which is after talking about his heritage, he's talking about how when you're a DJ,

you need one track. This just in, Zicoli, you're going to have a short and disappointing career with that sort of attitude. There's like a shot of some sort of large European music festival, Tomorrowland, I think it looks like. And then there's another shot of a more intense sort of Las Vegas, American-style looking music festival.

And on the front row, there is the ultimate sort of dude bro who's throwing down a shaka. He's got an American flag bandana tied around his head nice one uh his tongue's hanging out he's at the front row of this edm gig and he is a dead ringer for adam divine uh really workaholics yeah and he's just going hell for leather do you that wouldn't surprise me to hear that that was adam divine yeah and Yeah. And not even that they had hired him or anything, but they bought some stock footage that got taken at a festival with like a drone or whatever,

and it's owned by one of those big companies that just has stock footage. And Maximum Joseph was like, you know what? We'll save ourselves some money. We won't recreate all of the festival shots. We will buy some of the stuff online. And Adam Devine just happened to be parting his little butt off at one of the top EDM festivals in the world.

Wouldn't surprise me hard. Dude, sorry, dude works hard. Yeah, in all respects. Fuck yeah. It would make sense also

in terms of Tell you what, I watched that movie on the plane with him and Zicoli. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It makes sense

in terms of the chronology of Zicoli's movies. We could look at this in a whole new light in that every film Ziccoli. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was going to say. It makes sense in terms of the chronology of Ziccoli's movies. We could look at this in a whole new light in that every film Ziccoli has starred in, there is connective tissue to the next thing. So it's like a sort of a map or like a mind map of movies he stars in so that there's a through line through all of them so that when we reflect on his work,

it will be one large body of work that sort of has an arc to it. It's just sort of like the Tarantino films how people have pieced that together as they all exist in the same universe God, people will I'm not one to talk but people will really just they'll take anything won't they and they'll put their own spin on it and say that's what was meant to happen

I hasten to just remind you of exactly what forum you're expressing this thought on I am aware that's when you know you like something too much is when you are capable of making it not fun for other people who like it like you you take what they understand of it and you you've got enough power to remove their enjoyment of the thing you can't like you enjoy something with the intensity and level that you

can no longer there is a lot of power so and you've got so much knowledge and power that you could instill like yourself from the from the from the hating of it like you can throw shit at them that you know will throw them off the trail but you will remain a star wars fan until you die yeah it's the people who write books about the maths of the simpsons those are the people who the people who are going too hard at it. Yeah, man. What kind of maths is there even to delve into from the Simpsons?

If you read the book, which I have not done, all manner of maths, apparently. I'm like, the Simpsons is already great without it. Why would you put that in the mixer? Anyway, you were saying, Ziccoli, Adam Devine, mike and dave need wedding dates you watched it on the plane yeah i enjoyed it i think it was a bit contextual um but i really enjoyed it i just took it for what it was fun fun little movie you like watching movies on the plane i do

i do had a good time um wi- on a plane Audrey what's her name Audrey Plaza Aubrey Aubrey I beg your pardon Plaza is in it as well and Anna Kendrick yes great cast she's the other one

yeah Wi-Fi on planes for or against you've really swung me towards against because I know this is something you feel passionate about and I think that your reasoning

is sound appreciate it the way that I've heard you articulate it is it is akin to some sort of internet-free sanctuary of the skies. Yeah, it's our last remaining, it's the final space, the final frontier. Trying to think of a shining light for old Timbo. I can hear the brain ticking away.

That's the water blaster. Ah. Yeah. Yeah, I was worried. I was like, jeaster. Ah. Yeah. Yeah, I was worried. I was like, jeez. Really working overtime. You're working overdrive. Too many open tabs over at, you know,

Timbo's Think Tank. Timbo's Think Tank. I'm going to say... You should lease out parts of your brain under the banner of Timbo's Think Tank to different people. Rent some space at Timbo's Think Tank and they just give you a problem or an idea

or something that needs more thought and you use different parts of your brain under different circumstances to provide solutions or ideas for them. That's a really... I like it. Let me just preface what I'm about to say by saying I like what you've just said but it's in a very strange way of kind of articulating the job of a consultant

what you're doing is you're paying me to rent a bit of my brain space to figure out the solution to this problem you're having are you a consultant who just smoked weed for the first time. I like how you kind of put your own mental abilities on a massive pedestal by phrasing it that way, though. Like, this brain you're dealing with is critically important and has a lot of things that we could be using it for. So what you're doing is you're buying a little, literally a little bit of mind share, a little portion of that brain, time and space.

They're not buying, they're leasing. You're leasing a little portion of that brain time and space they're not buying they're leasing you're leasing a little bit of it you i do not encourage uh you at timbo's think tank to sell wholesale any parts of your brain and hey tim eye contact thank you i really want to impress that upon you page harrell in the scene where he swindles Tanya Romero out of her property. There's something I enjoyed this week about the enthusiasm with which he does it coming out of there when he says to Chandelier, I will get, I think he says, $300,000 or $400,000 for this place easy. Yeah.

Look, he's a capitalist pig dog, and he's ripped someone off who's just there trying to raise a kid and do what's right. But there is a joy and a gusto that he has brought to the situation, which I find pleasing. Because even when people are doing bad things, when they're really enjoying it, you can't help but be like, well, you're having fun. Yeah, I kind of...

I'm not saying that should be the overriding feeling but there's i understand what you're saying you're having fun you're enjoying yourself it's yeah the reason that page and even in the dastardly nature of pursuits is such a an enjoyable character is because uh the performance is exceptional yeah like he really imbues him with life and purpose and i think that's what it is he's got a sense of purpose like he's all he wants is money he knows what he's doing in every scene we've had a few people get in touch with us um telling us that basically we're fools for not recognizing the actor playing page harrell is being he's quite like his stars really you know i've seen him and i don't know if on the Rise is even the correct phrase. I saw him in...

I think I brought it up. In Me, Earl and the Dying Girl. He was like a cool teacher. Ah. Is that a good movie? I did like that movie. I watched it on a plane. Very good.

A good way to consume a film. He popped up in The Accountant, as we've mentioned. That guy and I watched. Yeah. It kind of meshes quite well with his character and we are your friends we feel like we put a little cute theory together he's got it's an evolution of the same guy classic ass he's got a hell of a set of pipes yeah i mean if zicole is serious about uh making a go of it in the edm world he'd do well to get some, like to get Page to lay down some sort

of, some lines, maybe to put over a dubstep beat. Yeah. Sort of like, in my life, I do not believe in anything that is not concrete. Yeah. Concrete. Yeah, you could build something around that. Concrete. Concrete.

Concrete. Or maybe put him in a jingle. I mean, if the EDM route doesn't work out for Zicole, he might have to start making music for radio ads for different companies. All I'm saying is, not a great guy, but it's just good to see someone enjoying themselves out there.

He's cut from the same cloth as Johnny Depp in this movie too, because right at the start of the film, we learn that... I think... Does a coley suggest to him that he should learn guitar or something i don't know a bit of the studies oh no i think i can't remember what proceeds shout out to bread what precedes it but what a what a funny name to name your band eh bread yeah Bread. Yeah, it is. It's fucking good.

A staple. I feel like they would have talked themselves into it. It's a staple part. It's part of everyone's day. I think it's one of those things that you can't start thinking about what it means. It's just the phonics of the word. Who are we? We're bread.

That's a very funny name. There's a bit at the start when they're in the car, I think, and Zicoli says to Johnny Depp, um there's a bit at the start when they're in the car i think and uh uh zaccoli says to johnny depp oh an actor with a guitar that's original or something like that he doesn't mention the word guitar he says something like that no he says uh uh no um johnny depp says is aicole, the DJ in LA, it's a saturated market. And then Zicole is like, yeah, there's not enough actors in LA.

There is mention of a guitar. And then Johnny Depp says, I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star. I stake my word on it. There's mention of a guitar? Yeah. You want to put something on it? Shall we?

Okay, one of us has to watch Where Are Your Friends as an extracurricular activity. The one of us who is wrong. There is so much higher stakes than it sounds. Yeah, fuck yeah. Absolutely. Should we actually...

We could figure this out now. Yeah, right. Fuck tension. Shake on it? Yep. All right. Okay. So I'm saying there's no mention of guitar in that exchange.

You're saying there is. Ow! This movie's still fine. This episode of The Worst Idea of All Time is interrupted by an ad from audible.com. I'll tell you what, Tim. If I was to interrupt another fantastic episode of this, frankly, mind-boggling and hilarious podcast, of this uh frankly mind-boggling and hilarious podcast uh the only product that would be for would be audible uh who honestly provide one of the greatest services to humanity i personally can think of i love reading i hate being perceived as a nerd i want to do both in the public place

wouldn't it be so good if you could absorb all the knowledge of books with having headphones on and look like a cool person yeah if you bop your head while you're listening to audible people genuinely think you're listening to music and therefore are more likely to buy you a drink a coffee give you their phone number pay for your bus fare help you across the street put their jacket down so you don't get wet feet when you walk through a puddle the The answer you're looking for is Audible. Audible content includes an unmatched section of audiobook selection. Ye may try and match it, but ye shall fail. It is an unparalleled library of audiobooks, original audio shows, news, comedy, and more

from leading audiobook publishers, broadcasters, entertainers, magazine and newspaper publishers, and business information providers. My personal favorite at the magazine and newspaper publishers and business information providers my personal favorite at the end there i love business information you do and i love the providers of business you are a sponge for business information the good news ask me the share price of htc right now tim i know that you keep up with these bastards but tell me what is happening with the crazy freaks over at htc right now 78.2 right now down down a percent and a half on yesterday. That's not good news. It's also not good information to retain

in your brain. And thankfully, you don't need to keep that there anymore because you can get business news through Audible. If you're interested, which you obviously are because you're still listening, please give it a 30-day free trial with a free audiobook at audible.com forward slash

try now. That is A-U-D-I-B-L-E dot com try now. I recently took it upon myself to listen to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a book I have been meaning to read for many years. Tim, are you curious as to who narrated this fantastic journey for me? I am, actually. Yeah, who did? Stephen Fry. Ah, yes!

Best known for having a burly first name and a hell of a breakfast uh for a surname that is what he's best known for uh my recommendation to y'all is a rogue one novel catalyst from the star wars canon i haven't read or listened to this myself but i'm excited about the concept of it because it's narrated by jonathan davis and i'm not sure if it's the same Jonathan Davis who is the vocalist from Korn, but I really hope it is. And I did a little light Googling

to try and figure out if it is. I can't figure it out. It's likely though. Someone's going to have to try and figure it out for me. It is likely. You guys, we cannot tell you how good this platform is and how glad we are that they help us do what we do here at the Worst Idea of All Time,

which is the opposite of absorbing culture. It is literally having something bash itself into our face and ears week in, week out. Audible.com forward slash try now. That's Audible, A-U-D-I-B-L-E, you dummy. You get a 30-day trial and a free audiobook. If you don't do it, don't tell me you didn't do it Because I will be livid Never says guitar

I genuinely don't know what he says Does he say look it's hard Producing, DJing, it's a saturated market Does he say look it's hard It's as hard as a saturated market Yeah he says it's hard The word guitar has no place in that sentence He's talking about music Does he say, look, it's hard? It's as hard as a saturated market. Yeah, he says it's hard. The word guitar has no place in that sentence.

He's talking about music. He says something that sounds like the word guitar. You can understand how I put it together. And I'm not quite ready to relinquish yet. I'm going to look it up. Okay, well. But I think you're right. I know I'm right.

Yeah, I'm like 95% of the way. You've earned yourself a solo trip to Where Are Your Friends town, my friend. That sucks. That does suck. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for you. The bright side will be you will be the lone record holder for most screenings of Where Are Your Friends. Well, yay me. Sorry for trying to put a positive spin on it.

No, look, I did this to myself, realistically, you know. Good stakes for a bet, don't you think? Too high. Too fucking high by far. I'll bet you one and a half of your human hours. Okay, okay. I literally just took time off your life. So listen, let's get less down in the dumps and more sentimental.

I thought you'd never ask. Because I'm keen to wash out of my mouth the last suggestion, which was his mum's face in a box. For those who don't listen to the Friend Zone and just listen to the podcast, a fan posited in the most recent episode that uh what was in the box is the zicoli's mom's face yeah an embalmed sort of but still not in very good nick face uh it was the coley's mother after she uh as we all know from the backstory where your friends drowned. Which is pretty dark.

Probably as dark as we've gone. So in an attempt to lift spirits let's do the only thing we know how to do around this part of town at this time of day. Getting sentimental with James Reid.

And a bottle of Vaseline and a nip of PCP when I'm doing songwriting or song singing I can't do anything without a nip of my favourite PCP so what do we know Tim? the clues are this is a man who loves PCP, he loves whiskey,

he knows that he wants to give Zicoli something sentimental, yet self-serving, yet fits in a MacBook Pro box. What do we get through all of those things? It's the official James Reid manual of my personal favourite cocktails. Oh, wow. That's the title of the book. And it is a tome as well this is a very large book hand written every page written under the influence of a different

mix a different cocktail of either alcohol or drugs sometimes both and this is a guy who has been all over the world to spin so he has managed to put together a real international flair to the whole the whole thing. There's just a lot of intersections of cultures, a lot of fusion. He's got a drink in there that is one-fifth of it is literally gasoline. It's unleaded 91. Yeah. Knowing the backstory of some of the concoctions,

I don't know that I agree with the ethics of the book, I don't know that I agree with the ethics of the book, but what I can tell you is I respect its attention to detail, and you cannot help but respect the amount of research that went into it. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking of the page special. It is a cocktail which includes authentic blood diamond, or else it's not the real version of it.

Not, not like a blood diamond in the sort of from a torturous mind, but a blood diamond, a diamond that has been passed through pages. Urethra. Yeah. And a diamond fuck frenzy. Not good.

Not good. Not good. But it's in the book. It's in the book of James Reed's cocktails. And you know what else is in the book? A cocktail he came up with called The Ghost. You want to know what's in that? I'm very curious. It's a glass of cold milk with three dots of PCP.

That is a funny name for a terrifying cocktail. Yeah, but it fits, right? It's all white and quite scary. I guess the thing with the ghost is when you give it to most people, they're like, why did you make a milk cocktail? And you distract them from the fact they're about to take a potentially lethal amount of PCP with the milk. It's your classic classic um it's like a misdirection yes exactly it's almost hiding in plain sight it's like what what the fuck is

this drink is this like pure baileys or something but it's a bit it's a bit too light in color for that it's like oh no it's just a whole glass of milk with some pcp and they're like a whole glass of milk yeah what are you some kind of psychopath and then they drink it back and they're like what else did you say was in this and you're like pcp friend yeah that's the other ingredient that's why it's a ghost and not just a glass of milk that's why they call it the ghost yeah can you milk a ghost tim no they don't have nipples really correct, they've got no use for procreation. But different versions of ghosts have portrayed them in various different states of, you know, like... Undress? Physical, yeah, undress.

Or like physical embodiment. Like some ghosts look like Casper. Some ghosts look like Eva Longori in that movie where Eva Longori is a ghost. What movie is that? I think it's with Paul Rudd. And she was his fiance and she dies. It's along these lines. And he's trying to find a new life partner.

And she shows up. This sounds like a Mike Myers movie from ages ago. It doesn't matter. Either Paul Rudd can see her or the prospective partner can see her. Right. And she wreaks havoc. Oh, I see. You best believe she wants no part in this new relationship.

Is this pre or post Wisteria Lane? I think post. Okay. This is your classic successful TV series transition into movie stardom role. Not always a smooth transition. Sometimes you're a nipple-less ghost. That's right. Parading around destroying a marriage that you were once a part of.

For someone else. So, look, there's really just one bit of business left, and that is to figure out the no-but. No-but. Now, the way no-but works is, for those of you who have done or seen improvised theatre before, improvised comedy, there is a rule in there which is the rule of yes and. It's interesting that Guy's taken himself out of the mic for this bit

because he's a bit more schooled up on this than I am. No, I was embodying the spirit of no but by physically closing off my body from you. Oh, nice. And the rule of yes and is that if someone sort of throws out an idea while you're on the stage, you just have to go with it and build on it. So you accept it. You say yes, and you also say and this thing. And then you keep building.

As a quick insert to this explanation, one of the funniest things I remember hearing is when I lived in Toronto. It was quite late at night and i was uh in some state of inebriation talking to a very funny toronto comedian called jordan foisy uh who is yeah you try and spell that people at home it's f-o-i-s-y uh and he's doing a tour of canada at the moment actually if you get to see him live he's very funny but we were talking and he was talking about how he wound up going home with uh an improviser and uh he didn't perform very well sexually in fact he performed quite poorly and uh at the conclusion of the coitus the improviser uh looked

at foisy and said is that it and uh foisy said i think you'll meet i think you'll find you're meant to say yes and very good uh i probably yeah like the joke at the time was if you can imagine in context you know in the flow of conversation now hilarious that quick oh yeah it's a one of those isn't it yeah but uh as far as it to say i always think of that when i think of yes and it's tickled you deeply in your soul yeah uh in a way that's lasted no but is our version of that it's a it's a bit of the podcast where we try and figure out what bit of the movie and this week's performance yeah this week's seating this week's um i guess it's a it's a sort of a cruel mocking title to suggest that any of the improvisation that was uh kept in the movie yeah was in fact not necessarily

good improvisation yes and it's born of one scene where it's just it's hard to do no but constantly because the scene that we founded

it on is literally like and it's so overwhelming the idea that anyone would have committed that scene

to script all you can think of when you think of no but is how phenomenal it sounds you've seen We Are Your Friends.

It's the bit in the hotel where they're having breakfast the morning after the air quarters. It's literally... So Millie and Zicoli. It's literally two people eating. So look, this week though, owed to the fact that I was giving Paige a lot more kind of mental space this time.

I was renting him a lot more of my brain than usual. And I like to think that the speech he gives, which him a lot more in my brain than usual and i like to think that the speech he gives which is the animated titles in my life i do not rely on things that are not concrete that was an improvised speech that he rolled up with there was a different version of that speech on the script and he thought to himself you know what i can do better and he fucking did he thought i can do better but did not prepare anything such was his either confidence in his own ability or disrespect of maximum joseph's and megan openheimer's writing ability or some combination of both of those things sometimes all it takes though is for you to just keep talking

and gold comes out and that page is such a skilled practitioner of the dark arts of the theater i feel like that sentence just started a million podcasts oh yeah god literally the founding motive of the worst idea in full time yeah look unproven theory around around these parts on this particular format but with respect to page he really pulled it off i think he delivers it with such conviction i can't imagine a world in which he didn't think of it himself and deliver it on the fly. There's too much passion behind it. It's not someone else's words, it's his words.

It's Paige, in his own words, which is also the name of his memoir. Yeah. It's a great name for any memoir. If you're going to buy two books for the Christmas season for gifts, get that cocktail recipe book that James Reid's putting out, and in his own words, the Paige it's a real page turner hey because obviously you turn the pages but also because it's the story of how page turned his life i mean i'm sure you did

oh gee willikers boy howdy tim isn't it a joy to be looking at each other Eye to eye under this Unique and Reoccurring circumstance Yeah I'm keen to get out of here as well So we will see you on the friend zone Or if you don't listen to those No problem we will see you after the 25th watch maybe for me the 26th

It will be for you We didn't specifically articulate it But I feel like it was implied. Yeah, it was implied. Okay. Well, I'll see you all in a week or sooner. Take care of yourselves out there. Yeah. Yeah.

And yourself. Yeah. Yourselves. What does Jerry Springer say? I'm going to look it up. Was Jerry Springer's parting message like, take care of each other and yourself? Take care of yourselves and each other. Or something like that.

It's a funny thing for Jerry Springer to say. Bye, everybody. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of the guys, they go screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree. Agh. You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try Boners of the Heart?

Boners of the Heart. But if I died farting myself to death, there is no way in good conscience that I could not let my family and friends celebrate that fact.