The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Nine - Altitude

Episode Date: September 18, 2015

The lads are on a 13 hour flight (in coach, no less) to The States for the 2015 Los Angeles Podcast Festival. But before the big show, they're battling sleeping pills, international date lines and moderate alcohol consumption at 10,000 feet to rejoin their favourite four gals. Tim finds sympathy for Charlotte, Guy finds a opening for Mr Big joining Tenacious D and Karma Cola is bringing the support and love from the homeland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season 2 1, 2, 3 o'clock, 4 o'clock rock 5, 6, 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock rock 9, 10, 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock rock Season 2 time with me, Tim Bass. And myself, Guy Montgomery. We are currently 11,277 of our metric metres above the God's Ocean. That's right, that's our altitude right now. We are bearing down on Los Angeles

at a rate of knots, but one hour and six minutes away from touching down in California. We're currently travelling almost 1,000 kilometres an hour. Hard to believe. I don't know how many miles that is, but it's roughly 800. You hear that gentle hum that we've layered beneath our bassy voice is? Yes.

Why, that is the hum of an aeroplane. That is the hum of a giant metal bird. We're in a very big plane, too. It's one of them proper ones. So there are literally people eating breakfast all around us. Yep. It was a full-cooked breakfast breakfast for those of you who are curious. Tim was very suspicious about the eggs.

Yeah, I'm not keen on eggs on a plane. I'm really not keen on them. It's just you can't nail them. I think if you think about any food on a plane long enough, like a sausage on a plane. Yeah. A sausage on a plane is fine though. I mean a sausage by definition is like a preserved meat,

so that's okay to be out in the wilderness for a while. No, that's too high for a cow. What? What is a cow doing in an airplane? What do you mean? It's crazy. It's predominantly pig, firstly. Okay, or a pig.

No, but that's not my issue with the eggs. The eggs are a food that need to be prepared and eaten quickly. Sausage, by its very nature, make it, eat it, a month later. It all throws me off. Fish? Fish in an aeroplane? Oh yeah, love it. No, that's weird, man.

Fish you can keep for a bit, and I assume that they just chuck a line down from the plane. That's what they do from the cockpit. Yeah. Because the pilot's got nothing to do these days. This thing's flying itself. Exactly. They get so bored. So all of the real commercial pilots

have just become fishermen, aerial fishermen. A pilot is a bus driver with an ego. I know where the plane's going, buddy. I paid a lot of money. That's going to be on your tombstone, mate. Here lies Guy Montgomery, who once quipped... A pilot is a bus driver with an ego. Yeah.

That's how you'll be remembered. Put it up right now. Hey, we just watched Sex and the City 2 for the 29th time. One of the worst. On this plane ride. It was really bad. Really, really bad. Because Guy and I, even though we're back together for the first time in ages...

Didn't feel like it. Hey, can I take a moment to say it's great to have your company again, man. Little kiss. Lovely. Thank you so much for that. What a special gift. Every kiss is a gift. Remember that.

It's great to be with you. But it was like we were alone because we had our headphones in. We were watching separately on our laptops because I forgot to bring the headphone splitter. And it was very lonesome. And everyone else was asleep on the plane. It was jet black. I mean, it's... And I'd had two Zoppa clones, so I was pretty tired myself.

Had to wake myself up from a deep slumber for this movie. Tim kept waking me up going, shall we watch it now? And Guy would say, 30 minutes, mate. Give me 30 minutes. Give me 30 minutes give me 30 minutes mum i'll make it to school on time you you look like you're in a pretty blissful sleep too i am a very strong sleeper yeah you're good at it any environment i can sleep although i'm pretty confident because we've blown any chance of sleeping right through this flight that we're going to be all tuck it out once we arrive in los angeles oh yeah nevada little timmy that we're going to be all tuckered out once we arrive in Los Angeles. Oh, yeah.

Nevada. Little Timmy and Guy are going to be weeping the weariness from our eyes. Hey, we're going to take an opportunity to thank a few people who made this episode possible. The first... Michael Patrick King. Michael Patrick King. It wouldn't exist without him.

Obviously. So I want to say tip of the hat to you, Michael Patrick King. I'll take off a sweatshirt for you, Michael Patrick King. More specifically for our show and even more specifically for this episode, a huge round of applause. I'd clap if I could in this plane. Do it, guy.

Do a little round of applause for Carmacola. Still on board, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. Carmacola, fantastic company. board ladies and gentlemen that's right kamakola fantastic company they were um one of the first companies to go back into sierra leone after the whole ebola unpleasantness which is great yeah and someone's got to kick that off on a more personal note after hearing i bathe in this stuff they've sent me quite literally a vat of it it's just a mix it's a blend ginger ella have you got kamakola it's yeah I've got it in there.

How does it feel? That's why I haven't got my back off this. That's why I've been flying shirtless. My back's sort of fused to the fabrics here. Gotcha. Yeah, I'm very uncomfortable, too. I'm worried what's going to happen when this plane lands. That's the power of karmakola.

I'm actually smuggling some karmakola into the States as we speak. That's true. I've got it in my luggage, and I forgot to wrap it in any fashion and it's where all my clothes are so there's a very good chance that I've just got two smashed bottles of cola which have stained all my clothes and made everything sticky. But I will be safe in the knowledge that the sticky brown mess that's ruined my clothes was 100% fair trade and organic and with sugar, not high fructose corn syrup.

You have very particular sort of specifications. Yeah, if I want to be ruined, I want to be ruined right. We'd also like to thank, because in about two hours we'll be in one of them. You know them, you love them. They make their RVs out of oranges. It's juicy, ladies and gentlemen. God damn it, we had such a good time in our jersey last time. I've got such fond memories

of rocking around in that thing. That's right. We clawed our way back. I was blown away by that vehicle last time. Because Dodge make them over here in the States. We've got different ones in New Zealand. They're okay, but they're not quite as good. The ones here in America are amazing. We were rocking that thing around Los Angeles in February.

We were sleeping up top in the pop-out penthouse. We were caning it. Without care in the world. Same for when the park ranger at Joshua Tree came and said, you're not allowed to sleep here. That's right. Supposedly, that is a Californian winter.

You've got no idea. You've got no goddamn idea. I thought it was called California, guys. It's called California. Yeah. Really good weather. Juicy would like me No goddamn idea. I thought it was called California, guys. What's up with this? It's called California. Samya, really good weather. Juicy would like me to remind you that California doesn't really have winters, so there's never a bad time to jump in one of their awesome campers and go visit a national park or something, you know?

And that will do. You've got a beautiful country. Juicy. Juicy travel. Thank you for that word from our sponsors. Hey, guy. And now we wade into the very messy business so this watch i really sympathized with charlotte and i just couldn't help but feel the entire movie nope that charlotte has been really fucked on nope because she didn't even want to come on the trip in the first place she got

bullied into it by the rest of the girls. She was the one who quite rightly was like, listen, I've got two young children at home. We're not 26 anymore. We can't just go gallivanting around. It's tricky when she makes that pitch to Samantha because Samantha has no consideration for other people. Other people's children are not actual humans. They're just an inconvenience in the life of Samantha Jones. Yeah, like with that great line,

I thought it was just going to be the four of us when Charlotte turns up with her kids. Yeah. So brutal. Every time I hear that, I crack up just at the ruthlessness of that line. It's bloody funny. And then when she's pitching to Charlotte

to come to the Middle East, she's like, I go to children's birthday parties for you. Yeah. Whoa. No one wants you there, Samantha. You just get drunk. It's not a correct comparison. It's not the same.

You get drunk and hit on the sort of pubescent 12-year-olds. At the party? Yeah. Do you reckon Samantha's got a little touch of the pedophilia? No. Nothing happens. I'm just saying. Oh, right.

Her moral compass goes askew. Oh, okay. She's worrying the boys. Yeah. Like how you worry the chickens. nothing happens I'm just saying her moral compass goes askew oh ok she's worrying the boys like how you worry the chickens you don't worry we've had this

conversation before haven't we you know how you worry the chickens you don't worry the chickens she's worrying the boys

they don't have the capacity to worry so look Charlotte gets dragged along on this trip and then

Carrie just proceeds to take every opportunity to shoot her from a great height. So she very rightly questions the whole strange marriage arrangement that her and Mr. Big have proposed, which I'm sure has come straight from Mr. Big's big book of ideas. That is classic him.

He just rocks in there with an empty coffee cup, sipping away like there's liquid in there. He goes, hey, Carrie, I've got an idea. I just got this out of my book. What if we aren't married for two days out of every seven? Terrible idea. And Charlotte rightly kicks the tires on that one to see what it's all about.

Yeah. And Carrie goes on the attack instantly. That has always irked me. Because Big makes his pitch, and it's a tough sell. It's tough to get across the line, and he does well enough that Carrie will, on the proviso that it's only temporary. And then she can pull the plug at any time. Yeah, yeah.

She says yes. And then, so when they're flying, not unlike we are right now, only they're at a bar, and they've got leg room, and they don't have half-eaten eggs sitting in front of them. Although they must have at some point I don't know they probably didn't eat eggs

anyway they Carrie pitches it back to the gals and she's just it's like a bad rehashed version

of what Biggs sold her that morning yeah but she doesn't have as great a salesman yeah that's right and Carrie passes it off as her words

yeah right and then because when they're at that meal when Carrie gets really upset when she gets the bad review in the New Yorker But she doesn't have as great a salesman. Yeah, that's right. And Carrie passes it off as her words. Yeah, right. And then because when they're at that meal, when Carrie gets really upset when she gets the bad review in the New Yorker and goes storming off. Yeah. And Charlotte's like, and Carrie's like, oh, well, I've got a bad review and Big wants two days off a week. And Charlotte says, I thought you both want two days off a week.

Which is what she said. Yeah. She said, we are talking about this idea. That's right. She bites bites head off then also charlotte in that scene that you just mentioned charlotte's like aren't we going on a spa day and carrie's all of a sudden like oh i don't feel like it carrie's shitting on charlotte and and obviously the biggest example which we've talked about time and time again

ruthless when she's getting in the elevator to go visit her ex-boyfriend who she's about to go cheat on her husband with. And Charlotte quite rightly says, you're playing with fire. And we know that Charlotte's in a fragile place. We know that she's worried about the big-tittied Irish nanny and what Runkle's going to do to those breasts. The old Runkle Crunkle. God knows what he's capable of.

And yet, in spite of that, instead of being a friend placating her, Carrie throws it in her face and says, oh, everyone's cheating. More gasoline on the fire. Everyone's cheating because your marriage is in trouble. What a bitch. Yeah, well, and then... I'm going to say, I'll be the first to say it. I won't be afraid to say it, guy.

Carrie Bradshaw is a bitch. Look, let's not go saying things that can't be unsaid, Tim. But then, so then when Carrie... Put that on my tombstone. Coming to... I will. You've got the bloody pilot bus driver with an ego and I've got Carrie Bradshaw is a bitch.

When people reflect on our lives, I feel like right now, as it stands, we're going to let the Sex and the City 2 period colour their memory of us way too strong. You think it's a bit reductive? Well, I think there will be more to you by your... After your untimely demise, there'll be more to you than

going on the record as saying you think Carrie Bradshaw's a bitch. Sorry. Fair enough. Some in-flight ailments. But what I was going to say is, so Carrie's sort of coming to terms. She calls Aidan about cheating and then sort of coming to terms she calls Aiden

about cheating and then she's talking to she calls Mr. Beg you man yeah she doesn't call Aiden

she probably does it's a secret and then she's going to Charlotte I was running around New York I just hope my

past isn't screwed up my future which doesn't make any sense because it's not your past it's you it's you in the

prison day making bad decisions yeah it's you cheating on your husband but so she sees all this stuff she like goes on this big rant carry carry carry it's

all about carry carry carry carry carry and she goes oh yeah and by the way yeah i'm sorry i was a real uh piece of work vis-a-vis me telling you that your husband's gonna cheat on you it's a complete split second aside to it's like myriad whining problems about yourself and she's like oh oh yeah, and sorry about what I said about your marriage. And having not seen the show, you've got to wonder whether or not that's where... Is this the dynamic? Well, that's where the heart... No, that's why the movie has no heart, is because they've all grown apart

and they've become more self-centred accordingly, and therefore the friendship is just a friendship out of, not convenience, but like, you know, you've probably got friends like this. Friends who you became very close to them at a very formative part of your life over, like I say, a 10-year span when you were maybe 10 to 20. And now, I mean, you've got nothing in common with them anymore. If you'd met them. You can name them, Guy. If you didn't know them. We can get through them anymore if you'd met them you can name them guy if you didn't know them

we can get through this and you met them who are you talking about who's this person in your life and what do you want to say to them this is nothing this isn't personal but let's just say

let's say they're here like what would it sounds pretty specific what do you want to say to this person let's not go on a holiday to Abu Dhabi let's be honest with ourselves

and realise we're not that good of friends anymore. Just get on with our lives. Okay, now I'm confused because I feel like you might be talking to me, you might be talking to this friend who you used to have who isn't here, or you might be the girls talking to the other girls.

I'm the girls talking to the other girls. You don't need to worry. So what I think has happened is this friendship, if they met now now they wouldn't strike up a friendship the only reason they're friends is because of the period of time they've spent together previously yeah and you can't just back out of that friendship but also you can't forget those formative years and those beautiful relationship moments that we got to witness which we didn't witness in the tv show you know yeah so many memories together so much heartbreak so much trials and tribulations and the girls supporting each other that's true beautiful thing that binds people the tv show there was actually an option on the uh on the in-flight entertainment i watched one

of them oh really and it had um both uh tate was featured and by the way, I'm so sorry to close the book on this, but Tategate doesn't even exist because Tate is mentioned as one of Aiden's three sons. You're not closing the book on that? If you missed the episode, there was an episode where I got, I read something online that said there was

one of Aiden's sons was Tate the eldest, was mentioned in the TV show and then completely ignored in the movie. But he's not ignored. He's in the mix. I think what happened is they listened to that episode. Yeah. They being the Sex and the City 2 overlords.

Yeah. They're like, oh, that is a glaring plot hole. And when we're sleeping or whatever whatever they've changed the edit on our the visions that we've got yeah on our visions shit it's terrifying so I'm going to say

the week that you called out Tategate yeah Tate wasn't in the movie suddenly questions have to be asked him this is like that Berenstain's Bears thing

have you read about that? no so I can't remember which way around it goes but berenstein's bears is spelt a particular way like berenstein's bears berenstein's bears whatever everyone remembers it one particular way but the way that 90 of the population remember it being spelt is incorrect it's spelt the other way and it has spawned a very popular internet theory that

it is proof of some interdimensional fuckery. Where someone's messed with our reality. That's fun. Yeah. It is fun. It's fun to indulge these things. But also, to rebut your original point that you were sympathising with Charlotte. Yes.

She gets a hard time from Carrie. To a lesser extent the other gals no Miranda's actually Miranda's kind of the glue really she is in a weird way who would have thought that Professor Oak

would be some sort of saviour in this group or like she's the one when although she's all over the shop because when Carrie says

she's going out for a meal with Aiden yeah and Charlotte's like I don't think you should do that you're going to cheat on your husband. Miranda's just nodding like, yeah, of course you're going to go. Miranda is on board with everything that's said, though.

Originally, she's like, yeah, Carrie's like, I'm going. I'm dressed as a hot piece, and I'm going for a meal with me ex. Miranda's on board. And then when Charlotte's like, I think you're playing with fire, Miranda also on board with that. Just whatever idea you present in front of her, she's on board with then when Charlotte's like I think you're playing with fire Miranda also on board with that just whatever idea you present in front of her she's on board with yeah so yeah I don't know I I can be quite a big I mean I go through a whole I run through the whole gambit of emotions in a watch but I can be quite a big Miranda fan at times you will know what's weird which I haven't

noticed yet but if Miranda is Professor Oak, that then makes Brady the Rat King, Gary. Oh, Gary. Yeah. Ash would be, I imagine, Carrie's son that was never born. I see.

Maybe Ash is the surrogate baby that weird Mormon couple are getting. They really got to me this week. That guy, everything is a competition with that guy oh my god there's a couple that just emerges out of nowhere at the gay wedding at the start of the movie and then just vomit information onto big and carry and then and then get all outraged like they have any right to when they start offering information back which is contrary to how they're living their lives it's disgusting we're expecting a baby and get this the due date is our anniversary yeah nobody cares buddy and he said he totally almost puts his arms out like what do you got for that he float he floats it out there like it's this gold gilded balloon

real fuckwit real piece of work that guy I really I don't like that woman either she says pardon me one too many times in the film. Yeah. I think I mentioned this to you before, but they needed to edit one of those out. Look. She says it one too many times. No, because they wanted them to be grating.

Anyway, what I was going to say. You met someone, like, for the first time. Would you want to hear about their surrogate child they're having and shit? No, but there's this level of familiarity between them because she's such a big fan of Carrie's work. It's false. There's a faux but real sense of intimacy.

It's faux because it's only one-sided. Carrie and Big have never experienced these people before. This woman may have followed Carrie's writing to the letter for many years, but Carrie's never heard of this crazy broad. It's also faux because that's what they're serving, sort of a brothy noodle dish at the wedding. Which we never really talk about, because it does sort of juts out against the rest of the...

I mean, I don't know. Looks like a great spread. I haven't paid enough attention to the food at the gay wedding, as I'm sure they would love me to call it. They're all just drinking Moet. They're the only people who paid enough money. I'm so glad you pronounced the T. What I was going to say, though, is Charlotte,

while I understand you sympathising with her and she does get a hard time from the girls, also brings it upon herself somewhat. I just can't get past, like, it just looks impossible to have a conversation with her. Have you watched Archer yes you know when Archer keeps speaking

he's on the pirate island and he keeps speaking idioms and they can't understand idioms yeah that's what it feels like kills me squeebub yeah

so my shining light yes off mic a yell in the middle of the girls karaoke someone goes you're doing great girls really like that yeah ever ever sounding great ladies some sort of variation of the song like in one of the instrumental bits yeah like a bridge and a small singing break awesome um did you want to elaborate on that or was that to you? I've got no more.

My shining light is Kevin. Kevin is the young rookie lawyer who's coming up under Miranda. You love that boardroom. I love that boardroom scene because I love Tom so much. Tom's already been my shining light. Tom is a bad guy. Yeah, but I like his moxie, and I like his attitude and his approach. You like his old school misogyny.

He reminds me of, have you heard of this guy Chris Christie? He's a governor in the states of New Jersey. He's running for president. He's been dogged by a lot of controversy, but he just doesn't let him slow him down. Not an iota. And he just continues gunning for it. He reminds me a lot of him um do you but anyway but this isn't about tom this is about kevin kevin's the guy who i he seems

to be like a junior in the firm um under miranda and uh he's presenting some of the bits from the cat there's something on my tongue weird yeah it's shit is it did you put shit on my tongue. Weird. Yeah, it's shit. Is it? Did you put shit on my tongue? Weird thing to do while I was sleeping. He's kind of presenting parts of the case to Tom about how great they're doing, and then Miranda chimes in and says, yeah, it's a total win-win, Tom. Da-da-da-da.

Tom stops you dead with his hand that he puts out, and then he says, I want Kevin to take this case. And I'm like yeah kevin yeah and in fairness to kevin kevin does also say he credits miranda with doing all the work that she'd done yeah that's why he's good he's like a good version of tom because he gives credit with credits too but he's still i reckon he's got a forthright and confident attitude. And I think he's going to be a great lawyer one day. Far better than Professor Roque. No, you're, uh oh.

Bless you. Thank you. Sneezes on a plane. Bit of a sneeze here at altitude. I never like hearing other people sneeze or cough on a plane. I don't know where all the germs are going. They just get recirculated in the air. Huge germ tube.

They don't go anywhere, they just get spread around.ated in the air. Huge germ tube. They don't go anywhere. They just get spread around. Yeah, that's right. It's disgusting when you really start to think about it. How have you felt about the flying experience today? What have I felt about it? Have you been impressed? I have been, yeah, absolutely.

Considering that, and to tie it back to the movie, even though I know you're trying to shake us loose of it, the biggest stakes end up being, in Sex and the City 2, the biggest stakes. So in every movie there's what's called a time bomb, which is like something's got to happen within a certain amount of time or something terrible will happen. The time bomb in Sex and the City 2 is that they have to fly economy class

on a 13-hour flight. Guess what? We're at the tail end of a 13-hour economy flight. I couldn't be happier, except for the movie. The movie was far and away the worst part. For those of you keeping score at home, the worst part about flying 13 hours in coach as Samantha Jones deridedly

I don't know if that's a word, puts it is if you have to watch Sex and the City 2. Yeah, so eat that. As it stands. It is a joy. The rest of it's great. Just pop a few zoppies, have a beer, have a wine. It is crazy how good they've got flying down now.

They just kept giving us ice creams on the way here. Me and Guy, they were like, would you like another ice cream? They had too many chalk bars. They couldn't get rid of all the chalk bars. It's insane. You get a computer with all the best entertainment. I finished watching The Jinx. Not to mention the fact that we are in a giant flying metal bird.

That we shouldn't be here. We shouldn't. We should be in a boat. Sitting next to a stranger for four months. 11 kilometres in the air. I take issue when you go somewhere, and this is what people say if you're from New Zealand, they go, oh, I'd love to get down there, it's just so far.

It's not. Oh, is it? Because I woke up there this morning and now I'm in your shitty country. So welcome. We are 396 kilometers from Santa Barbara, everybody. Man, you didn't take the bait last time, but what I want to say to you is

Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-bop. Scooby-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo- It's hard to get a roll on up here. It's hard to get a roll on up here. What's he doing?

What's he flying to? That's right. As always. A regular feature here on the Worst Airball Time in which we speculate as to the diabolical or maybe do-gooding plans of one coffee-drinking maverick. So I'd sort of put this to you. I met, when I was in Sydney, I met... Show off.

You were just in Sydney too. Yeah, I know. You were in Thailand. Yeah, that's true. Show off. You don't hear me banging on about it Anyway continue I do, off mic, that's all you talk about I met a lovely lady by the name of Catherine from Canberra

Catherine from Canberra sounds made up Because whenever you alliterate the first name and the place Look They're invented I didn't name this person, I didn't choose in which city she lived Well she should move to Perth. Change your name to... Catherine from Perth.

Penelope. Anyway, so Penelope from Perth. Yeah. Hit me with... And I do feel it's important to accredit her. And I do quite like this theory. Oh, we're just having our... Oh, we're getting the rubbish.

This is great. We're just getting our... Thank you. We're recording having a... Oh, we're getting the rubbish. This is great. We're just getting it. Thank you. We're recording a podcast. Yeah, it's fun. Yes. What's your name? He doesn't want to talk.

We've got a very lovely attendant. The most lovely steward. Yeah. He's been giving me water all night. Truly. Oh, this is the dude. I remember. Very generous with the hydration. Yeah. He's been giving me water all night. Truly. Oh, this is the dude. I remember. Very generous with the hydration.

Yeah. Generous indeed. Can't get rid of all this water. We're carrying a lot of water on this plane. That's probably the best. It's about 1,000 litres. He's like, you've got to drink more water, man. We're going down.

That doesn't change the weight just because it's in your body. I'm like, what do you want me to do with it? Flush it down the toilet i didn't pack it he keeps bringing out cups of water scary uh yeah uh airplane toilets these ones don't have the real scary ones but the one i was in coming back from thailand man they were one of those ones that just periodically will do the suction thing yeah i heard a story once i think it was an urban legend i don't know if it was true, about a woman who got a prolapsed anus, kind of like caught one of those

yeah, caught one of those suction toilets and it sucked her innards out. I think it was true, I think it really happened to someone. That is a phenomenal urban myth. So I had to kind of like hover just above so that there was no way I could create an airtight seal. I was too

scared. That's just horrible. Anyway, sorry, coffee guy? You were saying? So, Angela from Adelaide. I met her after the show. No, Catherine from Canberra. Let's be accurate.

Let's credit where credit's due. Mary from Melbourne. Yeah. And she said to me, now you've got to meet my friend Caitlin from Cairns, who is a sweet angel. or Delia from Darwin. Anyway, she's a big alliteration fan, this lady. Tiffany from Tasmania? That's right.

Or it's actually more accurately Harriet from Hobart, all right? People don't identify with the whole state, territory, whatever you call it in Australia. She put it to me, and I thought it was so good, I couldn't help but want to share it with everyone, me and i thought it was so good i i i couldn't help but want to share it with everyone that coffee guy um what's happened is there has been so i i you don't need to worry about the detail i'm about a freaky friday type scenario so a body swap a body swap between coffee guy and samantha jones pr agent extraordinaire oh i, I'm going to botch this.

I can't remember it vividly enough. But pretty much, so what's happened is it could have either happened a long, long time ago or recently. Personally, I opt for recently. And while Samantha Jones is devastated by the swap, the coffee guy is stoked. He's jazzed. He hasn't been enjoying his life.

He's got a whole new life, a whole new group of friends, a whole new spectrum of opportunity and responsibility. So he gets to hang out with the gals. He's got this great new job in PR. He's leading an exciting new life in NYC. That's the first thing you notice happening is he is torpedoing this PR company. Why do you think it's all going down the tubes?

This guy's been working in middle management his whole life. That got me. That, like, Carrie's got a book that's just come out. And I know she writes books fairly often. But still, I feel like Samantha should kind of be all hands on deck, not immediately pursuing a trip overseas. That's exactly right. And so what's happening is, you know,

I don't quite know how he's managed to absorb and embody the spirit of Samantha so brilliantly, but he has. And it's gone unnoticed by all the gals. And so Samantha Jones, who's just plodding around in this middle-aged guy's body, miserable and like, oh, how can I overcome this, is following the gals around.

I love that. Pretty surreptitiously. Yeah. And goes along. So he follows them to the coffee shop, parks up behind them. Here's what coffee guy in Samantha Jones' body is plotting. Yeah. Re, a trip away, you know, like a trip to Abu Dhabi,

and just slamming coffee, and is so, just a little cabin announcement from the pilot there. Oh, he's just saying we're coming in. I'd better put the tray table up. He's telling us about the weather. We'll figure it out, mate. We're going to be out there soon. Pretty sure it's 30 degrees all the time in California.

Pretty sure it's 30 degrees and sunny. Anyway, so devastated is Samantha Jones by the discovery that the coffee guy in Samantha Jones by the discovery that coffee guy in Samantha Jones' body is taking the girls on a trip to Abu Dhabi just has the coffee and can't even

handle it anymore it just storms out and this is further supported by and this is evidence I noticed today when Samantha Jones hands over her passport

we're just getting in big trouble in Abu Dhabi there's a photo of it and the photo of it is of like a regular middle-aged dude

in her passport because you can't like you can change bodies but you can't change passports do you think that there's some weird like black magic element where it's kind of almost similar to the force where people see the passport which is actually accurate but the body's been swapped but they kind of they just they look at it and they're like yep that's fine yeah we understand mr jones i think oh shit a lot of jones mr smith a lot of people are in the um a lot of a lot of people who work in border control and on passport detail used to work as bodyguards and so a lot of the time they'll only check the age and they'll verify that someone's over 18 they won't even look at the picture or the name that's why when you go through airport security,

they often go, what's your star sign? Yeah. And you've got to answer instantly, or else they know to kick you out of the club. Because you're 17 or 20 in America. Anyway, I mean, I've done a botched job on... Yeah, sorry, Catherine. Didn't do it justice, but I love the concept.

It's a powerful concept. For throwing that at us. I think it might be time to, because I'm not sure how much longer we're allowed to keep these things on for, delve into Mr. Big's big book of ideas. I quite agree, sir. Guy, last week we had a reverse pyramid scheme

whereby, from memory, and my memory is a bit hazy of it, Mr. Big had decided to start minting his own currency and then just distributing the coins to basically create himself in the leadership position of a made-up country. It was not his best, not his worst work. Yeah.

I mean, the guy is nothing if not... Ambitious? No, not relentless. What's the word for someone? Tenacious. Tenacious. Known for his tenacity. And that's pretty much his big plan this week.

He's going to learn the Descant Recorder. Not a popular instrument, certainly, but one of the easiest to get off the ground with in terms of learning. Is that one you learn in school? It's the one you learn in school. He's going to learn the Deskant Recorder. Through a second cousin, who used to be friends with Kyle Gass from Tenacious D,

Mr. Big has an in. That is to say, a house key for Kyle Gass' house. And pretty much the big plan is learn the Desk Can Recorder, open the door, go into the bedroom, play Kyle Gass a self-composed song, just stand and wait for the feedback. Yeah. So he's just looking for feedback on his original recording composition?

No, no, no, Mr. Big's joining the band. Tenacious D? Yes. Oh, I like that a lot. Tenacious Big D. Oh, yes, please. That's right. That would be wonderful.

Descan't record a solo. You can imagine Jack Black saying that, can't you? Yeah, 100%. And he could do it on one foot like the guy from, oh, man, it's going to kill me. You know, thick as a brick. Jethro Tull, like with the flute. He will just bust out on stage and do solos on one foot

hopping around with a recorder. You know, it's not a foolproof plan, but he has looked at popular music and he's noticed there's a huge gap in the market for bands or solo artists featuring disc and recorders. Probably because it's a horrible invasive sound. Do you think that that would give Tenacious D what is now

Tenacious Big D license to re-record every song they've ever released before and just add a recorder solo and fang it out as a new single? I would imagine the first port of call or point of order for the band would be recording a Christmas album featuring special releases.

Heck yes. So regular, like just Christmas tracks, like a cover of Mariah Carey singing a Christmas track, a cover of Bing Crosby singing a Christmas track, and then the bonus track to all the Tenacious D songs so far recorded and released featuring Mr. Big on recorder. You've lost me. In every album sleeve, he puts one of Mr. Big's big pennies.

Are you talking about... He's got a distribution model for his currency. You know, people put out Christmas albums as cash grabs all the time. Yeah, just of Misk artists. Yeah, so all manner of covers. Okay, cool. So we've got a whole bunch of people on there.

Your famous Christmas songs that you know and love. Yeah. And then Tenacious Big D. Performed by Tenacious Big D. Oh, they're covering them all. Performed in the style of those various artists. Okay, right. And then the bonus album, which is all of their songs

with the inclusion of Mr. Big on the recorder. Yeah. And he's distributing his... We are descending into Los Angeles now. You're the most Australian pilot. There's no full melodies. He just starts cranking into it like he's in the middle of a conversation with you. He's the most Australian pilot. There's no formalities, he just starts cranking into it like he's in the middle of a conversation with you.

He's a good bugger. I never trust those pilots who get on the intercom thing and they're all nervous. Well, if it all goes to... We'll be all going to plan, we'll be arriving at quarter to one. Life's a crazy thing. Anything can happen. Don't ask me what's happening, Mr. Pilot. Tell me. You're in charge, mate.

It's your job. Hey, well, fantastic. Good on Mr. Big. And I can't wait to see this new band. Even if it's not financially beneficial, at least he's learned an instrument. I haven't seen a lot of Jack Black in a while. I reckon he'd be open to this.

What's he doing? What's he up to? I think he's doing while. I reckon he'd be open to this. What's he doing? What's he up to? I think he's doing comedy. Yeah, that would be a safe bet. Probably coal gases as well. Only 218 kilometres from Avalon. I met them. Did you?

We had a lovely extended interview in a hotel room when they were in New Zealand. I was just doing kind of sound techy stuff. Oh, you weren't talking. Yeah, when I was working in the radios. All right. Now who's bragging? I worked in radio. of sound techy stuff. Oh, you weren't talking. Yeah, when I was working in the radios. All right. Now who's bragging? I worked in radio. I've been to Thailand.

Yeah. I met Tenacious D before they were Tenacious Big D. Yeah. Such cool guys. Is that all the admin? Yeah, that's all the admin. While we're in LA, obviously, you can check us out at the LA Podfest. Or if you're not lucky enough to be in the city. that's all the admin uh while we're in la obviously you can check us out at the la pod fest or if you're not lucky enough to be in the city that's so important if you're not lucky

enough to be in the city uh you can get a live stream of the event and then watch it for is it three weeks yeah all the video footage of all the podcasts for three weeks afterwards use the code word worst to get five dollars off and also while we're here uh coming Tuesday the 22nd I believe we will be performing at The Largo yeah on Reece Darby's Saying Funny Things Society

which is very exciting the biggest show I've done yeah the biggest show I've done by multitudes

by some margin I'm cacking myself I'm gonna fuck this up guy my comedy career is over Christian Schaal is headlining you'll know from Bob's Burgers

or The Last Man on Earth or Flight of the Conchords or her own stand up comedy career which is going gangbusters yeah she's really good I've seen some clips of her online

she's so funny it's not a contest they can work YouTube you're a real piece of work bat I would like to take this opportunity again to say thanks to Juicy

for making such great vehicles and letting us ride around inside of you and I I would like to take this opportunity again to say thanks to Juicy for making such great vehicles and letting us ride around inside of you. And I would also like to say... And also for understanding what mess you're going to have on your hands when we empty my vat of Carmacola into the van and have it ride around Bath. Look we've got insurance, I'm pretty sure that's covered. Carmacola, you guys are awesome. Keep fighting the good fight.

We'll tell people to keep buying your stuff. If I see any of you ding-dongs eating a Blaze pizza, I'm going to knock it out of your hands and give you a kiss. Yeah, don't you dare be

throwing carbonated beverages down your throat that aren't karma, unless you live in the States, in which case you can't get it yet. But I've got two bottles on me, so I'll give you one.

It's right in the black market. Seems like we're hitting a bit of turbulence now, so this could be our final words on Earth. Nah, not likely, not likely. And if so, I would like to say...

Next time you hear from us, it will be live from LA Podfest. Can't wait to see you there. The last thing I would like to remind people of is a pilot is just a bus driver with an ego. Catch you next time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time

Season 2