The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Seven - Unsympathetic

Episode Date: September 4, 2015

Guy and Tim are back! Now separated by different seas and timezones, Tim is recording from a five star resort in Thailand while Guy has just arrived into Sydney, Australia. With a renewed vigour and keen desire to add some Grown Ups 2 back to the mix, the lads are well and truly back after a significant absence.Loaded with more conspiratorial theories on Michael Patrick King, Mr Big (and his Big Book of Ideas) and a surprisingly long chat on Sony's beleaguered Minidisc technology - this truely is an unmisable chapter of the journey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Hello and welcome to the worst idea Idea of All Time, episode 27. My name is Tim Batt. My name is Guy Montgomery. And we are now in the 27 Club. Yeah, we are.

With such illustrious company as Mama Cass, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin. We've made it. Some of the greats. I am ready to join that club in more ways than one right now because that was a very sad watch.

I am pretty much ready in my own life. Tim, while I am inclined to agree with you, actually quickly, well, you know, obviously Tim and I are still in different parts of the world. I'm currently in Sydney, Australia. I got here last night and I woke up and, of course, my first point of order was to check in

with my good friends Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. And, Tim, if I'm not mistaken, it's the sound of tropical birds and waves in the background Yeah, I'm coming to you via satellite from tropical Phuket, Thailand in like literally paradise I'm in a five star resort

it is sick, I don't know if it's I don't know if it'll get picked up on the microphone but there's waves that have just been crashing which has seeped slowly in around my headphones, which has been giving me sex in the city too for the last two and a half hours. So you watched the movie Outdoors today?

Yeah, on our balcony, which faces the beach. I'll take a photo because it's fucking unbelievable, to be honest. 30 degree heat, 87% humidity. For our American brothers and sisters, it's like 80 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm in the lap of luxury and I couldn't be sadder about it.

It's the same percentage of humidity for those maths freaks who are confused there. Well, I'm in a pretty different situation. So I slept on a couch last night at my friend's house and they all were up and at him early on this morning.

And now I just sort of woke up as they left and turned it on the movie i kind of feel like i've done something bad or naughty like they've let me in their house and i've just taken a shit in the lounge i hear you i feel like i've really sullied this gorgeous well manicured ground that i'm on by um just shitting on it with this film. I was just filled with sadness this week more than anything else. It's just such a depressing, sad watch. Like, it honestly took a lot to bring me down from the fabulous hold I've been having in this great little resort. But it did it.

Mission accomplished. Well done, you bitches. You got me again didn't know you had it in you well yeah i i felt pretty sad i was my body's very confused as to what the time is as well so it was a real energy journey as well as an emotional journey um i mean I mean, there's not a lot to enjoy. There was a little bit during the movie where I became quite zen. I can't remember if I've spoken about this before, but where it's sort of like you're in such a,

what I imagine it would feel like in the middle of a marathon or whatever, when suddenly your brain clicks over from being like, oh, this is so arduous and exhausting to like, you're just sort of so stuck in the moment that your brain gets to wander down actual interesting or practical avenues of thought but the trouble is as soon as i realized that i sort of broke the zen-like spell ah so you've started meditating using Sex and the City 2. Yeah. I mean, I think there was definitely a sort of familiar tinge to the movie this week in the same way that I remember the experience with Grown Ups 2. And actually, that might have been brought on very early on in the film. The wedding invitation that they reveal for Stanford and Anthony's wedding

tells us that the wedding is in Connecticut. Yes, and she says that in the voiceover as well, because it's one of the few places at the time when the film was made that had same-sex marriage legalized. Well, and I couldn't help but start getting really riled up and excited at the prospect of Lenny and the boys gate-crashing the wedding. Holy shit, I forgot. Oh, my God. What witchcraft is this? Well, this is a thing, right? That's an amazing find.

How have we not picked that up before? I really don't know. But I thought, you know, maybe Lenny was friends with Steve at university or whatever, so he knows he's coming in to see steve at the wedding so he's like oh yeah you can come in and just don't make any ruckus and all the guys just show up and go ballistic and the thing is wow i feel like you know they all share probably a similar um sense of sense of humor. Like, you know, all the ladies are making those great classic homophobic gags at the wedding, and Big, I feel like they could slide right in with that particular band of merry men.

I would love to see a movie where Laminsov, Lenny, everyone else is desperately falling over themselves to uh try not to offend gay people while having no experience with people other than the redneck community they grew up in it would be such a delightful comedy can you not imagine that big wedding moment marzell tov where carrie gives us that classic voiceover like it or not not, tradition creeps in, if Lamonsoft just busted out a piping hot burp snart to celebrate the matrimony. There is something uniquely disgusting about

describing the burp snart as piping hot that is visceral and disgusting. I don't know. This made me gag. This isn't really important to you listener but tim and i uh it's over through a technical hitch when we planned to watch the movie yesterday but it didn't time out and accordingly i spent about four hours of my flight

uh from koala lumpur to sydney just thinking about all the different like just thinking about sex in the city too and the whole you know what we're doing and i was growing up stew was creeping in there um take me through your notes because you wrote some stuff down eh yeah i wrote some stuff on the plane uh so i started off trying to recount the plot but i got bored i had hi i'm carrie i live in new york city with all my friends and i've done for quite a while now we used to be tolerable but isn't it how funny how time changes things uh and then the next plot point i had was we're all at a wedding a gay wedding it is very important we emphasize it's gay why is that you ask well originally because we thought it might be a good opportunity to celebrate marriage equality and show how progressive we are. But the more we went on, the more we discovered it was a great opportunity to milk for laughs.

Yeah, it's like in Broad City. What's the other girl's name who's not Lana? Abby. Abby. Abby goes to Lana. You know, sometimes you're so un-racist that you're actually just racist. This movie's like that.

It's like they're so desperate to try and prove that homosexuality'sracist that you're actually just racist this movie's like that it's like they're so desperate to try and prove that homosexuality is okay that they're definitely definitely not okay with it yeah well but so the thing is i wound up sort of trying to recreate all these uh through lines between sex in the city 2 and grown- 2. Like, I was trying to figure out which Grown Ups 2 character is which Sex and the City 2 character. Oh, yeah. Have we played that game before? I'm not sure if we have.

The strongest connection I made was Samantha and Higgins. Well, because, like, they're the most likable, probably. All they're trying to do is get some nookie or whatever colloquial term they want to call it. They've got quite similar hair too it's kind of like wispy and blonde all this shit's happening around them and all they want to do is you know bang the pizza boy or girl or whatever uh you'd be forgiven for forgetting ladies and gents at home that higgins

is played by david spade uh i don't know that you would be forgiven if you've made it this i'll forgive you guy will not that's how it stands at the moment uh and then it was like carrie i thought was lenny just because they're the protagonist yeah and they're both kind of um frustratingly presented as if you're supposed to care about them but undeniably it's hard to. What's the word for, like, you can't sympathize with someone? Because it's not unsympathetic, because that means they're not being sympathetic.

But, like, it's impossible to sympathize with them. Horrible? I mean, horrible is a pretty good synonym for unsympathetic. Whatever it is, but I'm sorry, keep going. Who's lame and soft? Well, I mean mean it was sort of a toss-up but i thought charlotte and lamin soft are probably the most similar and then yeah they're sort of they're both just quite a menace to be around like there's there's not there's not a lot of positives to be gleaned from their company and they're also destroying their relationships through like stunted development and an inability to communicate uh with charlotte it's in that she

doesn't talk about any of her relationship fears with runkle she just sort of going deep yeah and with lamin soft it's that he keeps fucking sneaking off to watch days of his lives with his mom instead of hanging out with his sweet ass wife yeah and yeah and then that sort of left just by virtue of being the only then that makes by that reckoning that makes steve sally doesn't it uh miranda and mckenzie um steve said oh yeah yeah yeah. Steve and Sally, yeah. I mean, Steve and Sally. Now, there's a movie. If we could somehow get the rights to these characters. Mrs. Lamensop and Steve tricking out.

I think they would be a dynamite couple. I'll be the first to say it. They probably went to some frat or sorority party together at university with Lenny and saw each other in passing but nothing came of it this is the train in the night situation that should have been yeah i mean ships this is like what is he saying whatever it is ships yeah trains travel by night too but they usually since they're on one rail they don't sort of just glide past each other like ships imagine if they did though this. It's sort of like a...

Something happened at night. What it would wind up... Like, able to go through each other. What would wind up being... It's like a Harry Potter plot. It would be like a... This would be like a sliding doors, butterfly effect,

Sex and the City 2, Grown Ups 2 mashup, where we could unpack the backstories and sort of see how it could have been. Well, I would relish the opportunity to do so um but i don't think anyone's going to part with the rights to these rich franchises that are clearly gearing up for more sequels do you think we're going to see another grown-ups uh i wouldn't i wouldn't be i mean i feel like adam sandler's just chucking whatever he wants

at that netflix deal so it wouldn't yeah he. He's got a... What has he got to fill up there? Seven movies, is it, that he signed? Yeah. I think he's done two. I almost watched The Cobbler on the plane. I've heard such weird, disparate things about The Cobbler, because a couple of people are really standing by it.

But most people just say it's a real wreck. Yeah. Well, I watched Dead Pilot Society instead, which is actually quite good that's probably a better choice yeah oh my god i'm sticking to my chair this is so bad i haven't drank any water out here either so um i might sound a bit stupid it's just because i'm like um medically dehydrated right now but i feel good because the movie's over now so hey did you notice oh you go at the start i think that the movie's trying to tell us to pay attention to coffee guy because in one of the

first shots of the movie where carrie's giving everyone's backstory and how they're connected to her because the world revolves around ms bradshaw and she says that charlotte uh and her met when a homeless man dropped his pants and a truck drives past Charlotte at that moment where the camera is directly on her. And what's in that truck? Coffee beans, guy. The movie is directing us to pay attention. It's putting a red flag there to say,

this is important. Pay attention to coffee and coffee-related personas. For a movie about coffee, I'm still so confident that none of the coffee cups contain any caffeine whatsoever. There's nothing in any of them and you will never convince me of otherwise.

They're so obviously empty. Especially Biggs. We can also definitely, yeah, definitely Biggs not having any caffeine. He's been miming just to maintain the illusion that he's got any money whatsoever. Hugely. But, and more than that,

maybe that Michael Patrick King has got everyone's sedated theory runs a little deeper and he's sort of banned coffee outright from the set. Huh. And all the gals are like, you know, it would be easier for us to act in this scene if we actually had coffee in our cups. And he's like, no!

But they're so docile, they can't actually speak back in the same sort of energy realm. So they're just like, why can't we have coffee? He goes, you'll never understand. I don't know. Do you think as a placeholder, because the girls needed something, he just started dumping all of his cigar ash into cups?

But they were like, you do know what? It'd probably just be easier if they were empty we'll imagine yeah that's classic mkp he's a funny dude hey no shit man charlotte's petri i've had bedrooms smaller than that thing i really took a good look at the dimensions this week i was like you guys are taking the absolute mickey with this thing it's so ludicrously big well yeah i i actually i don't know what it was about the situation i felt i don't know if it was sympathy for charlotte or myself but the screaming children when she shut herself in the pantry really got to me oh yeah yeah there's something about it that yeah i mean i was surrounded by screaming babies yesterday on the plane, so maybe it was a hangover from that.

And I was sitting there. I was, like, confused and tired and kind of becoming irate, which is unreasonable. And I was like, what? You know, with my knees pretty much next to my ears, being like, what are these babies screaming about? They're never going to be more comfortable on a plane. Was it while you were in the air or while you were not in the air it was both

because if it's when you're in the air there's a lot of pressure yeah babies have shit ears well i thought it could also be because they've found out maybe they've just sort of developed the consciousness to understand that they'll never be as comfortable on a flight again and so it's a scream for the future that that's um pretty bleak pretty bleak assessment of why a child might be crying on a plane um hey i got a new continuity era this week which i was pretty proud of you want to hear it yes in the slow motion shot with the aussie uh rugby team who are there for the world cup trials once again can't stress this enough not a thing couldn't even be a thing.

When they've got the slow-motion shot of them diving into the pool and we hear about Samantha's diminished sex drive and how that is the end of the world, Miranda's actually in the back of shot, tucking into some food with a knife and fork, and I say, bloody good on her. Because despite the fact that these girls are surrounded by food the entire film they're never seen eaten except in that one shot so she's she's tucking into a plate of a hope steak it was probably a defiant play by Cynthia Nixon against

the very direct instruction from Michael Patrick King not to consume any caffeine or actually eat any form of food whatsoever lest the energy wake them from their comatose and have them realise what's happening. Do you think... Oh, OK, let me check out what the continuity area is. When you go back to normal speed, so it's not in slow motion anymore,

she's drinking a tall cocktail. So they're like two very different things that she's doing. But you only notice that if you keep your eye on old Professor Oak and see what he's up to in the back of shot. Do you think Michael Patrick King, he's very confused about world cultures and he heard something about Ramadan. So he's like, this movie is eventually shooting in the Middle East somewhere

so we can't have any coffee or food consumed anywhere on set. And he's just kind of got all these weird, disparate cultural norms and kind of fucked them up and thrown them in the pot. I feel like, yeah, he... I think he's got a very loose concept on, like, grasp of time as well. Because on the wedding invitation, it said July 24th,

and we've talked about how the timeline jumps all over the place. But July 24th, which've talked about how the timeline jumps all over the place but July 24th which would mean you know because it is July 4th when they're banging at the end of the movie and it's August at some point I mean it's just August 3rd no that actually makes sense if the wedding took place on July 24th when

Carrie wakes up in the middle of the night from memory it's the 3rd of August so that's pretty no it's fine because Carrie said the night. From memory, it's the 3rd of August. So that's pretty... No. That's fine. Because Carrie said it's a few... She says it's a few weeks of sweet marriage with Mr. Big. Like, in between. There's so many weeks apart. I mean, it's really...

Oh, true. I also... Oh, true. I don't know. I've picked out some fun stuff this week to try and make it okay. Like, I thought that maybe one of the problems with the relationship, and this is probably just from repeated viewings

that's made me think about this, but every anniversary, Carrie gets Big a really awesome gift, and every anniversary, Big just buys the latest TV. So he's just constantly trying to sneak a base and thinks that he could get away with it. And she's like, you know it's going to be redundant

in a year. Why do you keep doing this? No, no. This one's got 3D technology. This is going to be the next big thing. You know how I got that full HD one last year? Forget about it. Burn it. Throw it away. You already did. Because you got real mad at me and I slept on the couch for a month.

This one's got 3D, little baby. Now put these glasses on and be transported to a world you've never seen before. A Jurassic World. And he bought a Jurassic World. Yeah. And it also had a built-in mini disc player.

And Kerry's just like... What? God bless you for bringing up that beleaguered, too oft forgotten technology. the thing that the thing is crammed in our throats for so long this is this was mr big's big idea from his big idea mr big's big idea of books as he started mr big hold on you will get us that correctly mr big's big book of ideas yeah so he's been buying up all the TVs in New York with whatever remains of their money. And himself, he's been hand-fitting them with mini-disc players.

Oh, that's good. That's bloody good. So that you can soundtrack your own episodes of Deadliest Catch or It Happened One Night or whatever black-and-white film you might happen to be watching. Do you know, so I used to, I had several mini-displayers and they were fine, except that the software that you had to use that Sony put out, so it was like their early version of iTunes, it literally broke three family computers that we had.

Just kept installing it and it would destroy the machine. It was so bad. Kept installing it and it would destroy the machine. It's so bad. So I don't know what kind of, I don't know what big would be playing at trying to get these TVs out into NYC, but I feel like it'd be worse than, you know,

when everyone thought the computers would shut down and Y2K, it'd be like he'd create his own mini disc ushered in tech apocalypse. Well, the thing is, cause there were other scientists, there's another sign this week i found which um that big doesn't even have a basic understanding of finance or anything is that the tv show he's watching when he throws the remote away it's a cnn show i don't know if

it's real or not but it's called money summary and oh yeah the show as I understand it, is pretty much just an explanation from a man with white hair and a suit of what money is and how an economy actually works. The concept of money. And he keeps trying to watch this TV show every week, but Carrie never lets him. So he's somehow stumbled his way through his good looks and deep voice and confidence. He's swagged his way into a job that he's grossly unqualified for and control of billions of dollars. And now he's trying to start up from economics 101 to figure out what exactly he's doing when he goes to the office day after day.

So not only is he trying to get this bloody money disk and the TV business off the ground, but at the same time, he's just trying to get this bloody mini disc and the TV business off the ground, but at the same time, he's just trying to understand what money is. Good on him. He's been winging it for too long. Too many bosses in that situation or middle management would just continue to wing it. But I say good on him for either having the fear

that he's going to be found out and doing something about it or the passion of self-improvement to try and learn what the fuck he's doing every day while he's bashing keyboards good on him oh man i was just i'm just drained i feel like this movie sucked all of the muscles out of my body and i'm just a bag of flesh and bones oh i'd like to um extend uh gratitude because i was definitely in the pits of despair last week and I think we really captured that on the microphone and got that out onto the internet. Did you listen back to that?

Nah, I don't want to go back there. You stood up some real concern amongst the fans. Hey? You stood up some real concern amongst the listeners. That's what I wanted to say. I wanted to say thank you very much for everyone who extended some concern

and support and just told me to stick in there. It's hugely appreciated. It's much appreciated. It's a good thing. I want to announce now, and I'll do it at the end as well so you remember, but I want to remind all y'all that Guy and I are actually gearing up to go back to los angeles to do the podcast festival which is

in um just a couple of weeks i think just a couple of short weeks it's on the 19th and 20th unless i'm mistaken of september and if you're not uh able to go which know, if you think about it statistically, it's quite likely, is you, then you can buy a streaming ticket for $25. But if you use the code WORST, they only charge you $20 of their US dollars. And you get to watch the whole thing play out online, plus get access to the video for three weeks to go back and watch at a time of your leisure.

And it's like, there are some big dogs at this festival. The biggest dogs of all. And I saw this morning that Andy Daly is going to be the guest on Spontaneanation for the Podfest weekend, which is a joy to hear. Hey, if you haven't got into Paul F. Tompkins' Spontaneanation yet, do yourself a bloody favour. I don't even know who I'd be talking to

because I assume if you're listening to our one, you know about podcasts, so you'd know about that one, but you've got to get in on it. It's too good. We've got a pocket of diehard Sex and the City 2 fans who don't know anything about podcasts. Oh man, that would bring me great joy.

We're opening up a new medium. We're inspiring fan fictions by proper Sex and the City 2 fans. I want to see some Tim and Guy fictions. That's what I would love. We're inspiring fan fictions by proper Sex and the City 2 fans. I want to see some Tim and Guy fictions. That's what I would love. You're greedy. You're greedy, mate. You're a greedy guts. I know. I know. I know. But it would just

like, I'd really feel like Here's a fan fiction for you, Tim. Penned by Guy Montgomery. Okay. The year is 2016 the month February Guy and Tim

stopped watching Sex and the City 2 then what fuck I don't know I thought that was a pretty good fan fiction as it was well it's more of

yeah okay we'll go with that. Everyone cancel your literary works. A guy has nailed storytelling. Don't bother writing anything ever again because nothing will be

as good as what I just did. Brevity is the soul of wit, said Michael Patrick King. I've got a shining light for you, Tim. Oh, yeah, I forgot we did that.

Hit me with it. So, when Samantha and Nicky start having loud sex at the big gay wedding, full of big gay humans who all want to fuck Mr. Big because he's got no idea. It's like the music festival we had in New Zealand, Big Day Out. Big gay wedding, you've got to say it like that every time. So they're having sex really loudly. And during the sort of establishing shot of the house

so that it's understood how loud it is, and we see sort of people milling around the entrance to the house, there are two guys. There's like a bunch of guys in suits, but also on the bottom right of the frame, there's two guys in suits. And one of them has his hand around the neck and the head of the other guy. A taller guy has his hand around the neck and the head of the other guy the taller

guy has his hand around the sort of the head and neck of a shorter guy uh and he's making like i wouldn't say aggressive advances but what are undeniably advances and the shorter guy's just not into it at all oh my there's like it's not good there's like two there's kind of two movements where the taller guy's like oh yeah come on but give us a smooch and the little guy's like i ain't smooching you i'm happy uh and then the the little guy actually defers to the loud sex noises to sort of weasel out of it and before you know it the the shot's gone but it's sort of i mean it's i love that what you've just what you've just described takes place in probably two-thirds of one second i know and it's so rich with story and detail like so many there's stuff happening there huh there's so many

loose threads in this film which go untugged you know how you tug on a loose thread? Yeah, I've got you, man. I'm on board. Slow down the metaphor wagon. I need to really understand what you're talking about. What is a thread, guy? Like, you know, if you've got a jersey and it's got a loose thread, and you tug on it. Yeah, I'm there.

I'm going to give you an apprenticeship. I'm going to give you my shining light now. Are you ready for it i'm there and i'm gonna give you a relationship i'm gonna i'm gonna give you my shining light now are you ready for it okay um i like the fact and this is not dissimilar from yours that it just shows a bit of depth and what's happening with these characters but magda uh who is the housekeeper for you're in love with now i'm not in love with her i just think it's hilarious how blatantly she eyeballs the camera at sites. She looks directly down the barrel. Like she's like,

what's it's like she's never seen a camera lens before and she's checking it out. She is looking directly at you. It's freaky, but that's not my shining light. Cause that already has been my shining light. I think my shining light is the fact that I'd never, um,

understood why she looked really uncomfortable when Steve says to Miranda that she should quit her job, stay home and help out around the house. She looks really weird. She gives this weird look and I never got it until now when I figured out that would mean Magda would probably be fired. And I love that she probably wasn't given any direction for that, but she was like, okay, my character is a housekeeper. So naturally if Miranda's here, she's doing the cleaning up there's nothing left for me to do

i'm out and she gives a good old-fashioned wince at her impending unemployment hey that's a great shining light tim thanks man you're a positive you're a positive dude. Well, I'm a jobs creator guy. Well, that is to say I like people creating jobs. I'm a fan of jobs creators. You don't create jobs yourself. Also, I've got a little bit of a conspiracy theory that you might be able to help me unpack quickly, Tim. Well, you know I'm always keen on them.

So, you know, after Garon is, Carrie's mail and Samantha's mail for, for whatever reason. Uh, and then Carrie is a big freak out at Charlotte for calling her on her shit, which still, still shits me to this day that like Carrie's freaking out about this bad review. And then she's like,

I can't write books as a married woman and big wants two days off from the marriage. And then Charlotte's like, I thought you off from the marriage and then Charlotte's like I thought you both wanted that and then Kerry's like Charlotte now is not the time to call me

on the shit I was trying to sell you on the plane anyway she goes barnstorming out of the fucking apartment or whatever and Geron is like

fully he's up to something on the phone in the background of shot before he's like where are you going like yes

and he quite sort of tries to subtly hang it up but 27 times in Montgomery something on the phone in the background of shot before he's like where are you going like yes and he quite sort of tries to subtly hang it up but 27 times you are right gomri spotted it i know exactly the bit you're talking about i i i've seen him do that he does the whole thing where you put your hand over the receiver but and gently try and get the phone away from you what's going on there what is going on there, Guy? Garon is one slippery fish. He comes across as being this lovely guy, spins a yarn about his wife who lives in India that he barely gets to see,

purely for the purpose of tugging at the heartstrings of our hero, Carrie Bradshaw. Why is he trying to infiltrate her? I know why. He represents a rival publishing house that has many, I don't want to say chicklet, but I would say strong woman writers.

They have many baby chickens, lots of little chicklets. Yeah. So they've got all of these baby chickens writing feminist literature at this rival publishing house and they're always in contention and in that particular section of the new york bestseller list uh with carrie bradshaw who just keeps pumping out these

insufferable volumes about nothing just bloody having sex we've all done it mate guess what it's nothing new we've all done it it was when she started since the beginning of. We've all done it. It was when she started. Since the beginning of time, we've all fucked. Revolutionary that you're writing it down in the books, I would say. Not me, though. I'm not in board. I want more chicken-delivered feminist writing. And I won't apologize for that. And that's why I think Garan is on the side of good and Carrie on the side of evil.

You're a harsh critic, Tim, but a fair critic. I think so too. Well, it's almost... It's hot over here. It's almost... Squelch goes the chair Tim sits on. Squibble-a-squibble-a-hoo. Squibble-a-squibble-a-ba. Squibble-a-squish. I'm hemorrhaging sweat, baby. Woo. Squibble-a-hoo.

It's hot. Squibble-a-hit-ho. I'm losing a lot of fluid. Squibble-a-ba-ba. Squibble-a-boo. Squibble-a-beesh. Ba-ba-bee-ba. Squibble-a-ba-ba.

Squibble-a-hoo-hoo. Squibble-a-bee-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- What's he doing? Where's he going? Why is it so hot today? That's right. It's that time. Coffee guy. Three syllables, two words, one man, three seconds of film, a lifetime of enjoyment. What is he up to this week, guy? Well, coffee guy has actually recently moved to New York from a little-known city called Stanton, Connecticut.

Uh-oh. I think I see where this is going. It was sort of a sleepy Connecticut suburb where he was the owner of probably the most successful department store, certainly the most successful Kmart franchise in the state. And he's sort of been having a bit of – there have been some hooligans, not even young hooligans, aged hooligans who have started coming in, spending hour upon hour in his store, mucking around with the hoses, mucking around with the exercise equipment,

mucking around with the knives and the pretzels, he's had it. I mean the entire local police department is in Lenny Fader's pocket so he can't really do much to get rid of them. So he's sold up he's moved to New York City. Alright? And he figured this is a city that is so populated with other people that

surely I'll find either a niche of company to enjoy or you know peace peace and quiet maybe in peace and quite probably through the the company of people he likes uh and to meet these people he's a big he's a coffee fan he's a foodie if you will uh he sort of goes to these these local restaurant and cafe haunts. But everywhere he dines, everywhere he goes for a cup of coffee, he runs into sort of a similar problem he faced in standing Connecticut at his Kmart,

which is these fucking harpies seem to be just with an air shot every single goddamn time. So hold on. Sorry, has he... So he's... Okay, so he's in Stanton, Connecticut managing the Kmart, being run roughshod,

couldn't get any help from the local authorities. The boys in blue paid him no credence. And so he moved to New York. Is he... Sorry, did you say he's a cop now? No, he's not a cop. He's just there. He's just in new york trying to

trying to find himself and some trying to make his way and this is the is this the first so like whenever he's in new york he keeps running into these women is that what's happening well yeah just wherever he's at essentially and so he's he's sitting there and he's come up during that as he necks the coffee he's come up with a brilliant what he thinks is a brilliant business idea i mean he's pretty detached from reality at this point uh yeah so he'scks the coffee, he's come up with a brilliant, what he thinks is a brilliant business idea. I mean, he's pretty detached from reality at this point. Yeah. So he's left the cafe with this great idea that he's going to have his ears surgically filled up

with semi-permanent earbuds. Wow. And who should he approach for the business idea but he he's he's read uh and adding the local paper calling for business ideas from someone called mr big wow he's got a bit of excess uh money on account of the success of mr big's jascoozies so well as we all know that that made one man very wealthy that's right and so mr big keeps getting sent all of these sort of unverified semen samples not something not something he'd hoped for obviously but surely there's a business opportunity in there and uh him and coffee guy

wound up teaming up and refining it with um flour and water to make a very viscous sort of paste, which is essentially the first prototype for this new exciting semi-permanent earbud. Jesus. So once they're in your ears, is there no getting them off? Is that they're there to stay? Not for a week.

It's similar to, strikes me as a similar thing to like a cochlear implant, but the opposite, where it decreases your hearing. Yeah. Well, quite a concept, Guy. Quite an adventure that coffee guy's on. I wish him all the best.

I cannot imagine this business ending well, personally or professionally. Hard to see how it wouldn't create long term medical problems for the wearer but I wish them all the best hey that might have to do it for us right now but we'll be back and I think we probably

we're a little bit late off the mark on this one so we might have to catch a plane back to NYC sooner than either of us, whatever do you like. Yeah. We'll sort that out.

While we're here, I might just selfishly take the opportunity in my ongoing quest to perform comedy to every person in the world. I am currently in Sydney with quite a boatload of tickets, if you will. A lot of ticket runoff and overflow, if you will, available to see me do a show called Guy Moren Comedy

at the Sydney Comedy Fringe. So if you want the details, you can look it up. I've got a tweet pinned on the top of my tweets where you can click on the link and buy a ticket. If you are so interested, please tell anyone who might like to hear me talk for an hour. It's pretty much no semen based content that is at guy underscore mont if you want to get on that handle and do yourself a favor follow that man follow that man i'd follow you i'd follow you how much is your show what are you what are you charging people

for this one it's 15 australian dollars but i will be distributing hugs afterwards to anyone who comes and i'm pretty sure that that's not an insurmountable task on account of on account of ticket sales as it stands ah festivals don't we love them um very cool man i love that well once again to blast our own trumpet Google the LA Podfest please buy a streaming ticket and use the code WORST save yourself five bucks it helps our show as well

and we're going to be in LA which means you'll have because we're going to do a gig there as well at Reece Darby's gig our mate Reece at Largo on I think the 22nd of September 21st

so you will have performed no 21st is it a Tuesday night is it? no it's Tuesday 22nd sorry you, the 22nd of September. 21st. So you will have performed... No, 21st. Oh, 21st. Is it a Tuesday night, is it? No, it's Tuesday, 22nd. Sorry, you're right. 22nd. You'll have performed comedy in three continents in, like, the last few weeks,

which is pretty crazy. It is crazy. It's certainly not as profitable as the, you know, as one might think. Yeah. It also means that we... This is... Antarctica's probably too hard

to get to. It'd be nice to try and watch Sex and the City 2 on each continent. I would have to get my ass to Europe at some point, though. I'd have to get over to... And you would have to come to Asia. And we'd both have to get to Africa. Oh, that would be excellent, though. We'll just take that plane ride that doesn't exist

that Carrie went on. You know that famous route that takes you from New York City to Abu Dhabi? Over Africa. We'll just take that one. Joy of joys. Hey Tim, I tell you what, while I didn't enjoy watching the movie this week, it has been fun

speaking with you. Yeah, you too bud. For everyone else out there, we never talk except through these. So it's good to catch up. I'm gonna go eat a breakfast buffet and have a quick dip in the pool. Oh, fuck

you. Alright. I've earned this, motherfucker. After last week, I've certainly earned this. see you later bye