The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Six - Kevin

Episode Date: December 16, 2016

SPONSORED BY AUDIBLE.COMFusion reactors, super computers and alchemy: This is the ultimate goal of Gold Star Realty Solutions. Peter Thiel, immortality and self-experimentation. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE TALKED ABOUT IN A PODCAST ABOUT WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS. A reverse Medusa has been created in the WorstIverse and his name is Kevin - a product of attractive people screwing, leading to a dark and powerful set of powers - partially imbued by Lucifer himself.What is becoming of our heroes, TimGuy and GuyTim? Have they finally unravelled? They're only at the halfway mark and it's all getting pretty weird. Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. This is a co-ed pastor. One of them dies, that guy's screw. One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree. Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Hello, and welcome to the official halfway point in the worst idea of all time. It's me, Guy Montgomery. And myself, Tim Batt.

We've made it, Guy. We're at the halfway mark. I didn't think we'd get here with this one. Made it, Guy. We're at the halfway mark. I didn't think we'd get here with this one. We started late in the year, and it's certainly creating a few problems in terms of the mental nature of finishing a year, which is looking forward. Yeah, because it is mental, isn't it?

You get to the end of the year, you go, mental, mate. It has been a mental year, and I'm going to have a mental New Year's. That's right. And then you mentally look forward to setting yourself up anew in the new year. This is like how the Americans do their school system. Because in New Zealand, we go by the calendar like a normal, sensible human being where you go, we'll start the school year, we'll give them a break over Christmas and New Year's and we'll, you know what, we'll ramp into it right at the end of Jan.

That's what I'm feeling. End of Jan, start of the year. Early Feb, end of Jan. We'll ramp into it right at the end of Jan. That's what I'm feeling. End of Jan. Start of the year. Early Feb. End of Jan. We'll go to, I don't know, December. That's how our calendar works. Sure.

And then we'll knock off before Christmas. Sound good by everyone? It's clean. Do you know what it reminds me of? The metric system, which is something I love because it just makes sense. It does. And it's not the first time we've brought this up to our American audience who consume this podcast.

But let me tell you guys, there are other ways of looking at the world that just seem a bit more sensible if you are willing to relinquish your intense love of tradition. You need to be adaptable. You need to change with the times. That's right, and Tim, what I would like to say is what I'm struggling with, much like I struggle with the American school system, is the idea that 2017 is just around the corner, and yet I face myself with the prospect of watching this movie 26 more times. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's difficult to look at 2017 as a chance to start anew when I know I still have half a year of paying the debt of this bad decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What to do about it, though? That's the real question. Keep on trucking. You've got to. We've got to just keep trying. We've got to stay out there, out in the wilderness, watching the movie. We've watched We Are Your Friends this evening for the 26th time. Guys, he's whipped us up a little spiced rum and ice.

My favorite combination of mixer and spirit. I like making it at home because it's the most expensive cocktail you can buy in a bar. But it's so cheap. All you need is rum and ice. That's right. Ice in a bar costs a lot of money. If you kind of do the math on it, anything that you get that has ice in it, generally, you're paying a lot. Oh, yeah.

You're paying an extra $3 at least for frozen water. Completely. And you don't need to. You why i take a small mobile freezer with me to every bar i visit i just plug it in find a powerpoint plug it in the corner i'm making my own my own eyes do you know what else i'm doing tim what setting up my own stalls selling some drinks making some money do you know what i like about bars bars sort of prove to us all that there is a real high value that we intrinsically put on hanging out with other people. Because the markup on booze at a bar is insane.

If you stayed home, you could, for the price of one and a half drinks, could have about 12. If we're talking beers. And I'm not even exaggerating much. And the markup on spirits is no more friendly. Yeah. And wine. Across the board, they are laughing all the way to the bank but what I love about it

is it's because we love hanging out with each other because we are your friends yeah what do we have at the end of the day

but alcohol and each other yeah nothing and sometimes not even the alcohol part sometimes it's just each other and that's pretty good too

that's fine too it is sometimes better so look it is we won't lie to you guys we're not going to sugarcoat it the watches are getting harder now we are into a different period uh that we sort of haven't explored yet with this movie i think it hit in pretty early with Sex and the City 2 because there was a very difficult time. Those of us who were on our Season 2 journey will know this. And I invite everyone to, if you get bored over the holiday season, listen to Season 2 again. Why wouldn't you?

Start from the start. If you've got a lot of time to waste or you're with your family that you don't particularly like or maybe there's no one to hang out with And you're lonely Hang out with your old friends Timbo and Guy Guy Give season 2 another whack around Or get back Get Down and Dirty in the Trenches With season 1 over on How The options are available

You don't sound as convinced by that Just because it feels like a business plug At season 1 Because someone else owns it now I personally haven't listened to either of those seasons No you haven't You haven't even listened to my solo episode I did like one and a half episodes ago. I will never listen to that episode.

You bloody should. Do you know when I'll listen to it? When? On my deathbed. That would be high stakes. That would be the last thing I do is I'll be lying there and I'll think, do you know the one thing, the one itch I have not scratched in my time on this mortal coil? That 40 minutes Timbo spent alone talking into a mic.

And it would be so nice to revisit that and find out what you were thinking at the time. It's not the strongest step. And what I learned about that is that I've got it in me to produce 40 minutes of talking, but it's not good. And this is the beauty of the relationship, I think, that we have fostered together. The yin and the yang. Okay, so say an episode spans 40 minutes, which means we both do roughly 20 minutes of talking.

I'd say we both have five to eight minutes each of good talking. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I just moved the microphone arm. It's quite an ominous noise it made. It was, wasn't it? Sorry about that.

Doesn't matter. Move past it like a pro. I gladly will. So I suppose so long as we're being mean towards the movie, Tim, was there anyone who really got on your nerves this week? For some reason, the person who really stuck in my craw was the blonde woman whose toe Zicoli steps on, and she's in the back of shot looking very busy in the initial...

I know who you're talking about. I've seen her before. I know you do. I'm explaining for the audience. Okay. When we first get into social, the club where James Reid is introduced, and we first meet Somaly as well, there's a bunch of women that Paige is with and johnny depp's

trying to round up more women for him and um and johnny depp comes over and he says you're gonna find more chicks for page and he says you got tons of chicks he goes no no not those chicks we need better chicks and there's a blonde woman who steps on his toe when johnny depp enters the fray with it she really got on my tits this week. Don't know why in particular. It's never really stuck out before. Initially, when Johnny Depp steps on her toe, maybe deliberately, maybe not,

and she says, ow, or watch out, words to that effect. Yeah. How did you feel about it then? It's too big. Oh, you didn't even like that? From first blush, I did not like her this week.

Wow. Yeah. And then I imagine your frustration would have only compounded as she sort of just absentmindedly looked to find the camera lens. No, do you know what she's... Yes, she does do that. But what she's doing as well is that thing where they try and find the straw with their tongue. Yeah.

They, people in clubs, you know, trying to look all... Not just people in clubs. Everyone is on a quest to find the straw with their tongue yeah they people in clubs you know trying to look all not just people in clubs everyone is uh is on a quest to find the straw yeah just look for it guys there's this trope in film and television that you can't look at the story as the straws one not true not fucking true that's an invisible barrier that we've put up as a society that you need to shirk i by the way so i'm not so sure tim if we start looking at the straws, that might be just when they start to show their hand. As far as we know, it makes no difference because the straws have never reacted.

But if you start looking at the straw and the straw's like, okay, they're worried about me. Yeah. I got told from a very young age, I used to be quite afraid of dogs when I was a child. I had a big dog that knocked me over once. Maybe it all spanned from to be quite afraid of dogs when I was a child. I had a big dog that knocked me over once. Maybe it all spanned from that. How old were you?

I don't know. Seven? Seven, eight? You know, I was just a little kid, and it was a very big dog. It didn't do anything. It just knocked me over. It knocked me right on my ass. And people used to say that you shouldn't look at a dog right in its eyes

because it takes it as a challenge, gets all aggressive. So do you think straws potentially are like that? Yeah, I'm saying I wouldn't risk finding out. Yeah, maybe you're right. Is that what we have been teaching everyone around us? It's like don't look the straw directly in the opening. It could take it as a challenge. No one remembers being told it but we

are we are all told at some point it's weird isn't it i think it's around three four so you start making real solid memories that are going to last like a lot of them that are going to last a long time when you're about five uh but between three and four we've got any early childhood psychologists i am i'm an early child psychologist Are you? Yeah I've been taking courses late at night And getting up early in the morning to go and practice

Scrolling down I've been getting The theory of cognitive development Yeah Reading on your Vygotsky I've not been sleeping much So it's been making a lot of elements of my life really difficult Really tricky

But you're enjoying it Well, it's worth it It's been making a lot of elements of my life really difficult, really tricky. But you're enjoying it. Well, it's worth it. And what I'm telling you is between three and four, you're not taking all of the memories in for the long run. And that's when they sort of disseminate this sort of information, the straw information. I'm not going to argue with you. You're an educated man man a man who knows many

things but i'm not interested in knowing things i'm interested in feelings this week and i'm interested to know how do you feel not about the movie but about the podcast how do you feel about the commitment that you're in the middle of now or kind in some ways it's not quite the home stretch i wouldn't quite describe it yet as the home stretch but this wily idea that we had almost three years ago now on the back of you being fired by default of your employer collapsing in on itself and i i quit my job yeah not not to say that this is a job in any respect but it's it's a fun project that we decided to work on and here we are almost three years later i would never have anticipated that we'd still be doing it that's for damn sure no uh never never ever would I have guessed. This is what would happen. And I stand by every decision always, just by default, really. If you've made it, it's good.

Well, yeah. Not necessarily, but there's no other way to look at it, right? We're still going. We're not going to stop. We're not the guys who stop. Well, not until it's appropriate. And that time is is but it is um it is daunting it's i i sort of actually this evening was reframing it in my mind as like

this uh sort of ominous it's even though watching grown-ups 2 was probably at the time more uh psychologically confusing i think yeah because at this point it's bizarre because it's just, it's something I have to do. It's like static as well. Do you have that? I don't know. It's like white noise. And so what the framework I'm trying to create around it now

is it's like, okay, it's not this sort of exhausting chore, but it's just a very bizarre framework within which I get to spend time with you and so it's it's i'm gonna lie to you tim the fact that when we do spend time together this movie is happening in the background yeah uh it does and we do have like a sense of obligation to engage with it and watch it it does tarnish the fact that we're just hanging because we're not just hanging out like we're doing hanging because we're not just hanging out like we're doing this other thing first but i'm trying to put the emphasis now more on just

having a having a yak about what's happening and having a laugh yeah with your old mate yeah and then we sort of yeah and then afterwards we talk about the movie which was probably like arguably the worst part about us hanging out. This bit right now? No, like the movie. So we have a fun time hanging out. We do. And then we get together and we reflect on hanging out,

but through the prism of having watched a movie that neither of us have enjoyed. It's a strange relationship, folks, because Guy and I now overwhelmingly, and I never sort of picked out where the date would have been, but overwhelmingly we've known each other far more within the confines of the podcast than outside i would say so and if not uh not within the recording of the podcast at least the sort of planning and execution around it which is ramshackle but still you know it exists yeah very strange very strange times we're living in very strange friendship going i've struck up it's odd in fact you know what i would actually recommend that more people try more experimental methods to be mates with other people like this engage in a long-term project with others, some sort of art project

where you have to team up and make something. Not enough of that going on right now. So I was with Sophie, my girlfriend, the other day. All right, mate. All right, we get it. You're a desirable man. I cannot remember who she was talking to, but it was someone who I didn't really know.

And she was talking uh she was just explaining what she'd been doing this year and she's like uh and earlier in the year uh we went to uh america with tim who's guy's partner and um and just kept and then kept talking then like reverse check this i was like oh his partner like there's no adjective on it but the implication is life or certainly something that is beyond just colleague absolutely uh and it was very amusing and terrifying to her that the mental the subconscious mental categorization of our friendship uh is more along the lines of whatever sort of intensive partnership that it is. Does it scare you?

It doesn't scare me. I think it just confused her that she'd mentally made it. It sounds like it scares you. It sounds like it makes you uncomfortable. And to be honest, I'm hurt to hear that because I run toward that term. I run into it with open arms and an open heart. Hey, well, now that you've said that, I can take that feedback on board. We are your friends.

I am your partner. And it's nice to hear you say that. And maybe the reason I was shying away or afraid to embrace that term was because I wasn't ready to take that step. And now what do you feel? Now are you ready? Now that I've put it on the table? Tim, I am your friend. And I am your partner.

Yes, bro. Love it. And I may bro you for I know you. That is absolutely correct. In that moment, whether through pretending to feel more intensity or not, I went into the trouble of tearing up. I don't know if I planned it, but there is a genuine tear on the outer side of each eye. You're a talented actor.

Very talented actor. I've always said that about you. A powerful feeler as well. I look forward to seeing more of you on the silver screen. It's what we in the biz call the movies You know the moving pictures The talkies You know what I'm saying right You go to a cinema and there's kind of a

Two dimensional representation of a dramatic Experience of life that's condensed from Anywhere between one day or multiple years Into like anywhere between Sort of an hour twenty to three hour flick. Yeah. That thing. That's what I want to see you be in more.

I know about that. I want you to be the flat image that I'm seeing on a screen, which is representing a three-dimensional story that's happening combined with sound at the same time and synchronous. I could FaceTime you every morning and tell you a story. That screen is not silver though So I do not wish to see you on that one I could cast your phone in silver and then do it

Nice, love the lateral thinking Silver screen is more of a metaphorical term Okay So we're not talking literally a screen made of silver We're talking the pictures, the talkies,icks the films yeah the oscar bait and the oscar fish i came up with a set of ideas that i'd like to throw at you um centered around gold star realty solutions which is a fantastic business i wrote this down because i thought i'd lose the train of thought okay so um So, hi, everybody.

It's Tim here. For those of you who have never heard the podcast before, this is a podcast where we watch We Are Your Friends. And in We Are Your Friends, there's a character called Paige. And the Paige character, he has a business of his own called Gold Star Realty Solutions that the protagonists of the film eventually work at briefly. Now, there's a shot that we've talked about previously in the podcast where Johnny Depp holds up a gold bar while Zuccoli is talking to Tanya Romero on the phone. It's always been a little confusing until I broke it down.

Gold bar, gold star. star gold bar gold star there's something to the gold element what if dear listeners and guy for a moment we entertain the idea that page harrell ceo of gold star realty solutions has formed a shell company to hide the world from his real project which is engaging in modern day 21st century alchemy. Turning other elements usually lead into gold. Why would he be doing that? To create a substance cheaply which is superconductive and used in computer circuitry. You need gold to make computer chips. This we know. What does it require? I'm picking a fusion reactor. I think that's been the missing piece. That's been the missing bit of math that they didn't have in the 19th century where they were trying to figure out how to... Even, I think, Tesla was trying to turn lead into gold.

People thought it was very possible back in the day. What is a fusion reactor? A fusion reactor... I'm no physicist, but it's some sort of big contraption that uses fusion, and I don't know exactly how that works on an atomic level, but you're fucking around with atoms to produce some sort of that works on an atomic level but you're fucking around with atoms

to produce some sort of chain reaction on an atomic level to produce energy. There's fusion and there's fission and I think the sun uses fission from memory. I can't remember what either. Fission is like cooking and fusion is when you're goofing around with the atoms. There's one that's like what atomic bombs use,

and I think that's, oh, maybe that's fission. I have no idea what I'm talking about. That's okay, though. So you think a fusion reactor is, or Page certainly thinks that a fusion reactor is the missing link in terms of? Alchemy. Yeah.

Turning things into gold so that he can build a supercomputer. And the reason why he's named the company Gold Star Realty Solutions is fusion is maybe, no physicist, the thing that happens during the death of a star. Oh. Fusion. So he's using the death of stars, which... Well, he's using the atomic reaction

that happens during the death of stars. He's machinerizing it. So he's studied... My verb, TM. The atomic... TB should be your version of trademarking something. Timbette trademark. He's studied what exactly

on an atomic level happens when a star collapses and he's recreating that with his fusion reactor to finally crack alchemy. Yes. And the means of both funding and fronting this because it is highly illegal to goof

around with sort of atomic science like that, is a legal but morally dubious and shonky realty company called Gold Star Realty Solutions. See, you get it. You get it, dude. And that's the best way to hide in plain sight. So the reason he's developing the supercomputer Is so he can master alchemy

And what is he going to do once he gets all the gold together To produce a supercomputer Made of all the superconductive gold And what is the big What's the big plan with a supercomputer Well I've got a couple of ideas with that I haven't quite figured that bit out yet Right now in your heart of hearts

What do you think is the most likely reason Paige Harrell would want to build that supercomputer i suspect the man wants to live forever okay that sounds terrifying yeah but the only way you get there is with a shitload of math going on in some computers to figure out why do cells die the way they do how do we stop that from happening and then how do we kind of incorporate that process into the human body you know why does pay so what all the billionaires are thinking of at the moment peter teal heard of him yeah he's he's not he's not all g he's not all g he's not all g but he reckons he's going to be able to crack immortality why can't page i understand i guess just on a out of pure curiosity no desire to apply it to yourself the fascination with the idea of immortality whether or not you can create and sustain that

for a person the idea of experimenting on yourself to do it i don't understand if you crack that what the payoff of living forever is i am so glad you asked i didn't ask at the in the beginning there was day and there was night but at the end, there will only be Brady the Rat King and Dick Bot. And if Paige has anything to do with it, Paige Harrell. Three champions chosen by fate, determined by the elements, solidified by their own resolve, into the storied pages of human history. These are the three champions who will be fighting over supremacy of our planet Earth.

He's caught wind of what's happening. Yes. And he backs himself. You've got it. What greater battle could there be than an artificial intelligence created by the Russians from memory? A man-beast who has figured out how to train rats on how to train other rats

to command the power of the rats, and perceivably an immortal man. I guess for me what is striking is the hubris of Page. These two already established, immortal, not quite omnipresent, but certainly to an extent all-knowing, all-seeing beings. That's why you're wrong. And Page as a mere mortal

who hasn't even developed the computer that is then going to develop the technology to make him live forever. To throw his hat into the ring is just suicide. How do you devour a whale, Guy Montgomery? Piece by piece. One bite at a time, you've got it. So what Page is doing is he is exchanging

the sweet release of death, his own mortality, in exchange for trying to shape the destiny of this planet. He knows that Dickbot and Brady the Rat King are not particularly good choices for champions that will be able to usher in the apocalypse. Why? Why is Page better? Everyone is the hero of their own story. To him, he is better. You know what I mean? Everyone thinks that they would do a better job than anyone else.

I don't. Whether it's true or not, kind of not relevant. He's just getting in there, he's getting stuck in because he thinks it's his moral duty to take it away from Brady the Rat King and Dick Bart.

All right. So that is the secret of Gold Star Realty Solutions. Wow. That's what's really going on there. Hiding in plain sight. Hiding in plain sight in the San Fernando Valley, I think what would within the the constructs and constructs of the US justice system the punishment be if he was discovered to be doing what you suggest he is doing I actually don't think the punishment would okay so what we're dealing with in terms of time frame in the movie

is that he's simply trying to create a fusion reactor and it would be pretty hard to prove that unless you know he left some very legally definable documents and intentions out there for someone to grab and even then who you're dealing with the the what is it called it's like the world nuclear agency or something like that they didn't really have a lot of legal sway i look if he was going away anywhere i don't think it'd be to jail they just say like don't mess with any radioactive elements for five years or something. Give them a little cash fine. For five years.

Yeah, something like that. You get stories of kids every now and then. You can Google this. This is true. Who take apart lots of secondhand microwaves to try and create their own atomic reactors. And kids have pulled it off before. The FBI picked up this kid because i think he might have been like posting it online or something and eventually they used a geiger meter which is something that

measures radioactivity in the atmosphere and they tracked him down to his house and they said the fuck you up to and he was like i just wanted to see if i could do it and then presumably they hire them you i mean that's the smart thing right that's what you would do i think yeah it's got to be a bit of that don't just leave them you don't you don't put those smart ones in jla surely you wave a little bit of cash in front of them and you grab them you don't tell that kid all right you're not going to prison but not and you're not just no more goofing around with Atomic Reacts. That is the craziest thing you could say.

Hey, look, Tim, if I may, I'd like to do something with you right now that I... Does it involve a song? I've done 25 times before, and I will yet do 26 more times. But I think you know what I want to do I hope I do I want to unbutton Open up I want to get a little touchy

Get a little feely I want to do a little heavy petting And you want to Be in a position to Be Getting sentimental With Jay Position two, B, getting sentimental with James Reid. Oh, that's- Nothing of that work.

It's got to be- Not one part of it. A tough listen. None of that. Maybe I could auto-tune it. I won't. I don't even know how to do that. James Reid, the most powerful of the feelers.

Yeah, man. We don't even know the other one's names. That's how consigned to the anals of history they are. Along with Blaze Pizza's delicious organic locally sourced ingredients. I've been thinking about Blaze Pizza a lot recently, and I'm really questioning whether or not we should bring them back into the fray but I think we probably should. Well, I think

if anything, just to keep them at arm's reach we're in their peripheral now. Yeah, man. Is that the time when you attack or is it when you regroup? I don't know I feel like In a In a

Kill or be killed Predatory sort of sense We go for the throat You strike when you're in the peripherals Because any closer And you're in focus Any further away You can't be seen

But you freak them out And then you attack In that moment of panic Time to bring back Hashtag pad boys Yeah I guess I don't know what shape it will take So half hearted And then you attack in that moment of panic. Time to bring back hashtag pad boys. Yeah, I guess. I don't know what shape it will take.

So half-hearted. No one's going to follow that battle cry. I won't go with you into the fields. No. Into the killing fields. I was thinking more in terms of like a lion attacking a wildebeest then. I sort of got distracted from the Blaze Pizza thing and started thinking about actual Law of the Jungle all right hey well listen um go fuck yourself blaze pizza is what i have to say at this moment in time you've been yeah well they haven't paid us a goddamn cent and that needs to

be on the record and it is now um you guys need to know the truth you owe it to yourself to know the truth i owe it to you to speak the truth to power. Who is power? Blaze Pizza. Who is you? The person listening right now. What I'm going to do, though, is a massive middle finger, is take a brief moment for us to hit pause. I know that we've just done the jingle for the start of a bit, but we're going to just hit pause on it to hear from our regular sponsor

who actually gives us money because they fucking believe in us. Ow! This movie's still fine. our regular sponsor, who actually gives us money because they fucking believe in us. And this week we are sponsored by Audible.com. You know them, you love them. They are the company that is just chock to the brim full of online, audio, on-demand entertainment and information for you. We're talking books that are being read aloud by skilled narrators.

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Oh, very cool, very cool. Well, look, my pick this week is a book that I have read half of and continue to chip away at it, which has become recently very relevant. And look, I don't normally bring news and politics into this podcast, but I will today in the sponsorship, folks. All right. Because Donald J. Trump, president-elect of the United States, news and politics into this podcast but i will today in the sponsorship folks all right because uh donald j trump president-elect of the united states has been talking a big game about a man

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Yes. You heard that right. So I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you, Audible, for sponsoring our podcast. This movie's still fine podcast and we're back so when we last left timbo and guy guy we were about to get a little sentimental and guy i think you were going to lead us there i was i was going to lead the charge i was going to wear a velour dressing gown some bare paw slippers, pour myself a little glass of brandy,

light up a stogie, put it back out, and get a little sentimental. Okay. You've really painted a picture. I feel like I'm on the mountains with you. Well, that's where it's happening. And what we have here is a self-serving gift, gifted by

James Reid of the Feelers Tuzicoli. It is described as self-serving gift gifted by James Reid of the Feelers. Two's a Coley. It is described as self-serving, and it fits inside the box of a MacBook Pro. And this week, I put it to you, Tim. What do we know about James Reid? We know he's a bad guy. We know he regards the dining experience in LA as subpar.

We know he likes to eat cake. And in a very particular way, he does not believe in the use of crockery or cutlery when it comes to cake. Cake is a hand-to-mouth experience. The only part of the cake-eating process where he believes in efficiency and cleanliness is in the cake-cutting experience.

We don't even see half of the slicing motion, but he's got the whole slice of cake out and ready to go when he comes home on his birthday and takes it out of the fridge. How could you do that? How could you cut a slice of cake on both sides, meeting in the middle, in less than a second? I don't know. You couldn't with one knife.

Editing? You're cool with editing. But I will not let the fact that you've made a very clear and logical point that completely removes the wind from my sails stop me. I'm so sorry. I really apologize for that. What is in the MacBook Pro box is an assembled set of very sharp metal. Right.

Of very sharp metal. Right. That, when constructed correctly, forms a double-sided, perfectly weighted cake-cutting knife. You take a whole cake. Yes. You lay the slicer. Yeah. Like a triangle.

Like a slice of pie. The sharpest metal. Blades on each side. The sharpest metal. And you have to assemble that like an Ikea table. Yeah, and there's no... That seems very dangerous considering how sharp this metal is. They're all blades. And there's no screws. There's

nothing to connect them. Oh my gosh. You just have to do it through willpower. You just slot them in. Yeah. Is there a lot of slot that they can't fit into? No, no, no. A little cut? They are all just individual razor sharp sheets of metal. I really, I don't know how that you're saying sheer

will. You have to will it to happen. There's got to be some practicality behind it though, surely. Is it a bit of what do you use for that? Super glue? If I'm cutting through a birthday cake, that's not a massive amount of resistance, especially if these blades are as sharp as you say they are. They are so sharp. Do you know how many lives were lost during the testing product testing phase

of this product how many uh the number hasn't been released but it's in at least three figures whoa that is that's a flawed testing system oh absolutely it's a miracle they buried that i don't know who does their PR, but truly. Fucking hell. Ginzu, eat your heart out. Because this company did. They ate multiple hearts out because they were dead already. Never waste a good human heart.

That's what we've always said from the beginning. We're just tying the company line here. So James Reid has gifted two flat equal length equal width razors. You want to know something, Guy? It's interesting this product I haven't seen out in the wild. And one curved razor. Because... With two handles. If there was a...

The handles are also razors. It's a lot of razors. I don't know who the product's for but if you were to adapt a version of this product that was safe for human consumption which is that you have kind of a triangle wedge knife thing like a cake cutter i guess what it relies on predominantly is a standard size of a given cake because excuse me what you want is an evenly um sliced set of slices right uh they accommodate this very curiosity or question in their slogan which is the flexi fit of knives flexi fit of knives is flex-fit something i should be aware of flex-fit is a style of cap that was popular it's sort of a colloquial way of saying one size fits all but they weren't

adjustable they were just elasticized okay okay okay and then as a subheading underneath the flex-fit of knives it says these are not elasticized these are the sharpest razors on the open market okay and the silk road which is an even smaller type just underneath the subheading okay fuck and he's just given the um the loose parts to zakoli to put together and we know that he's not a bright boy he's got a lot of willpower though yeah and he's got beautiful soulful eyes but it doesn't mean he's an intelligent man i think uh 100 willpower zero percent intelligence is exactly what it takes to safely assemble this product well well look we done we done did it now there it is there it is folks if you can figure out what the standard

size of a cake is you can probably make this product and sell it and i would love it not to seek a portion of your profits i would just like to hear about it if you make it out there in the business world that'd be great I'm also very interested. So here's to you guys for thinking of such a product. Well done. Well, don't thank me. Thank James Reid, the most sentimental fellow of all the fellows.

Someone sent us a link recently of the Feelers played a live show at the end of November. Did you see that? Yeah, it was deep in the South Island of New Zealand. Very deep. With some acts that suggest that perhaps the feelers star has been on the wane since the mid-2000s.

I refuse to acknowledge the very idea of it. The feelers are, and always will be, a supergroup at the peak of their powers and the preeminent force of new wave rock in new zealand 15 years ago and forevermore okay well i'll drink to that chinchin again old mate old friend hey do you know

what would be cool if you and i got old like magneto and xavier from x-men and we both had like a super army of crazy soldiers at our disposal and we respected each other but we sent our minions to fight one another is that their relationship that's where it gets to an x-men guy i heard a really great um analogy put forward by uh there's a woman on uh youtube called comic book girl 22 i think and she's fucking fantastic she makes some very good videos and she was like and i never thought of it this way before but she was like what you got to know about x-men is that here's what i knew about x-men i knew about x-men from the cartoon series and that there was a lot of heavy uh it was very analogous to the struggle and plight of gay people and lbgt people in like

the 90s kind of coming out of the 80s but there was a lot of fear around hiv and whatnot and and so it was like there was a lot of you discovered your powers when you were a teenager predominantly just like your sexuality you had to kind of come out to your parents a lot of people were afraid and didn't really understand so there was a lot of analogies there but comic bill comic book girl 22 explained to me in a youtube video of hers that originally in the comic books, a lot of it was analogous to black civil rights in America and that Professor Xavier was representing Martin Luther King and Magneto was representing like a more unaccepting of the status quo, like let's aggressively try and change things to get things fairer for us,

Malcolm X point of view. And I thought that was fucking cool and and so you so you and i i'm positing in our old age hopefully with my fingers crossed will end up being uh comic book analogies of malcolm x and martin luther king jr Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. Wow. You're nothing if not ambitious. Imaginative. There's a difference.

I don't think it'll happen. I hope it'll happen. And that's the difference. I put it to you then, the most imaginative person I currently have access to. What was your shining light of where are your friends this week? Definitely, without question.

Yeah, yeah, you got me. Okay, you're the winner. Power, power, power. Hat trick, good one. A fan at one of our live shows in America gave us that, and from memory it was at the Portland, Oregon show. What Guy's just played for you is a talking rock from Little Nicky, the kind of merchandise rollout of that,

and it's just this black rock. I don't know how else to describe it. It's a plastic black rock. You push a particular part of it and it's a button and it plays Little Nicky's voice. I imagine there was another piece to the rock, like a small nickel, nickel litty or whatever you want to call them. Or a sedum annular sitting upon it. Anyhow, do not let that distract you, my friend.

And I won't. Your shining light from this, the 26th and middle screening of where are your friends without a doubt it's the eyes of zach efron in one of the shots and you know the shot i'm talking about during squirrel's funeral when you're first getting in there and you see it and he looks like a fucking anime character bowl oh me oh my he does look like a very attractive man his face is sad and hot all at the same time it's like you can't deny the sexual attractiveness of that face you would be mad to do that you'd be a crazy person and his eyes in particular are just there they're as high deaf as they come they're watery they're glistening they're blue they're deep they're

soulful you get lost in them you're at his friend's funeral and for a moment you go do you know what zach efron i have never laid with a man but you sir right now i am rethinking my options asking all the right questions i can't help but notice tim that is more of a trade of zach efron himself and less of a feature of the film and that is a classic mistake from you guy montgomery and misunderstanding the filmmaking process because that's not just Zac Efron there was a cameraman who had to capture that shot correctly there was a lighting person who had to shine their light upon Zac Efron's face to get that exact look there were post-production people there were colorists there was a guy in the music department who put just the perfect minimalistic

bit of soundtracking underneath it and all of those elements came together to make a sexual dynamo for about a second and a half in one shot of the movie do you find morning sexy no not generally which makes it all the more compelling that i am so viscerally attracted in a very raw way to zach Efron's face during that little sequence. Very well. And you're shining light, Guy, Alexander, Halifax, Montgomery. It sounds made up when you say it all together. Should I get the order the right way? Yeah, you got it.

Yeah, good stuff. all together should i get the order the right way yeah you got it yeah good stuff um when jarhead relocates the group to their new house in the i believe in seno valley he excitedly um he sort of well no actually he he's very excited for a start uh and in his excitement of all, he forgets to advertise that it has a pool. So he sells it to everyone, which is a testament to the sort of charisma of the man. That he's able to convince everyone that this is the place they want to live without yet introducing arguably the best element of the dwelling. But in his pitch to Johnny Depp, he shows him the room and he says what do you give a man who has everything and he pulls a wardrobe door across

and the wardrobe door so far is entirely mirrored and the door he moves is also mirrored so it's just a one long full length mirror facade for a wardrobe and he says just more of that man and behind the wardrobe is another mirror on the other side of the room so Johnny Depp who who I hate, by the way.

I think he's a bad guy. He loves himself. He has every opportunity to look at himself. And he does so. And his reflection, it does that classic thing when you're in a bathroom with two mirrors where your reflection goes on forever. And they capture that on camera. And also, in sort of other corners of the mirrors they capture squirrel and zikoli and jar

head um all out of focus but all in the frame and you don't see a boom or a gaffer or a production assistant or a camera in sight and it's a real triumph it's ambition uh succeeding and they got the shot they got the shot hashtag they got the shot they did and all power to them that was your shining light very protection heavy elements i think this week for both of our shining lights and i'm not sure what that speaks to but i feel like it may be us running out of movie running i feel like mine was more production heavy, and you made yours production heavy, but yours is just the fact that Zac Efron has nice eyes. Yeah, that's true. No doubt about that.

You have, I don't know if you've done it deliberately, but you've distracted yourself by toying with your owl-like mollusk. Mollock. Close enough. Pretty good. Is this you sabotaging the tail end of the podcast? Or is this you sort of pensively looking for more inspiration? Hold it.

We discussed an idea during the course of the movie. I can't remember for the life of me what it was. Oh, actually, I know what it was. It was the Gold Star Realty Solutions theories. You laid that out quite clearly. Yes, I know what it was. It was the Gold Star Realty Solutions theories. Oh, you laid that out quite clearly. Yes, I did. There was one solo riff in which I posited that Ziccoli and Somerly actually created new life.

A child called Kevin, who was so attractive. Yeah, guess what, guy? We don't call that a riff. That's a conversation. That's a talk we had. I put it all to you. Yeah. Is that still conversation?

It feels, don't call it, it feels dirty. Okay, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be dirty. But there was, please, let's relive it, because it was sensationally disgusting. It was so dark. I was impressed at the depths of depravity your mind went to. See, now I was just going to share the less grisly details.

Oh, okay. Now I feel like we've been depriving our dear listeners. No, Ian, you're not wrong. The logic of it was they made a child so good looking, so attractive called Kevin, who went to preschool and was shunned by the other children for his physical perfection. The boy was so good looking that he was literally unbearable to the eyes.

And so he was an outcast medusa reverse medusa and the teaching staff were sort of they could look at him but in a way that everyone was aware was unprofessional and so could not teach him and he was banished from schooling and uh he became very lonely and very sad and what lucifer did was saw this very beautiful very sad very lonely child and offered him immortality an interesting thing that's popping up in this episode it is uh which he which he took uh regretfully as it turned out, because as he grew to be an adult, no one found it comfortable to be around him.

Such was the physical perfection of this child. I've missed out a very vital detail, which was after he got banished from preschool, Somerly and Zicoli were very upset. They were very sad. They were distraught beside themselves. They didn't know what to do. So they returned to the site wherein the child

was conceived. Las Vegas, Nevada. They climbed atop the Ferris wheel where they first shared the opening sort of verbal constructs of their love. Where they confessed to one another that they were what the other one truly wanted and this was their future.

So they returned to the scene of not the crime but certainly where the event happened they climbed atop the ferris wheel to the point at which they confessed their love for one another and in a final throw of passion threw themselves down not from the outside of the ferris wheel but within it so they bounced from beam to beam jesus christ truly devastating i apologize for the blasphemy but it is a grisly image. That's right. They bounced so vigorously that they're...

They ended themselves. They ended themselves and their bloodstains are upon the fairest will to this day. And as part of the tempting deal that Lucifer struck with Kevin in exchange for immortality, the tempting deal that lucifer struck with kevin in exchange for immortality he it was forced in in a sense that he was uh left to manage and run that very fairest whale till the end of his days which as we all know now because of the immortality is never so just at the end of this episode, I'd like to recap. We now have Brady the Rat King. We have Dickbot. We perhaps have Paige Harrell, who has discovered the secret of immortality through his property pyramid scheme-funded fusion reactor alchemy contraption

creating a supercomputer leading him to the conclusion of discovering endless life and now you're telling me that in addition to these three super beings walking the earth at the end of time we have to add kevin an impossibly attractive product of somali and Zuccoli who signed a deal with the devil to oversee the same amusement park ride in Las Vegas, Nevada that took his parents' life. Those four people... For immortality. Fuck.

It's a tantalizing cliffhanger upon which to end the first half it is and it's also a very good metric to measure where we're at at this 50 way mark in the season this episode's been entirely too long i remember when we did 25 minute episodes they were crisp they were good we got in we got out i long for those days again speaking of which tim may i take this opportunity to promote a podcast which does feature 20 to 25 minute episodes well not the the general done thing but come on seeing as how we're here uh it's it's hosted by the little Empire itself. And it is featuring myself and Carlo Ricci, a very, very funny Australian improviser and person. And it's called Hosting. He came to stay in New Zealand for a week.

I hosted him in my house. We recorded a podcast, Chanting the Experience, each day of the week. And we had a hell of a time doing it. We learned a lot about each other, I think, and certainly a few differences and similarities between our respective countries. So if you like listening to Guy Montgomery,

be sure to listen to Hosting, a brand new podcast which you can search for in your podcast capture of choice or just go to littleempirepodcast.com. On that note, I would like to end this episode of The Worst Idea of All Time. I would like to thank Guy Montgomery for joining me once again.

I would like to plead to you to, I don't know, I feel like I should tell him to do something now. Leave a review. Join the Facebook group. Join the Patreon if he searches. If you've been a fan for a long time, maybe you want to join the Patreon because we've got other bonus content we're making over there, patreon.com slash T-W-I-O-A-T.

But most importantly of all, this applies to everyone still with me, still listening at this point, I want you to be you, and I want you to celebrate being you. Whoever you are, whatever you're doing are whatever you're doing unless you're affecting other people in a negative way keep on keeping on and if you are affecting people in a negative way maybe take a look at yourself and go how could i change this situation for the better this has been tim bant kevin hart signing off you got anything you want to add guy Nah I like you Alright god bless you all goodnight

You don't even know what you're saying my friend I love him I love him Ow This movie's still fine There's a colleague One of them dies They go screw

One of them's a hottie His name is Jay One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree. Agh. You forget that films are supposed to have a point.

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