The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty - Third Amendment

Episode Date: October 13, 2016

Oh boy. Guybly and Timbo have returned to Prawn Salad territory and they've brought their friend (comedian & Two And A Half Count podcast co-host) Rhys Mathewson out to play. This episode is not recommended for new listeners.Tickets for Portland & San Fran Oct 2016 shows: blazepizza.co.nzNow Hear This Podcast Fest: use the code 'WORSTIDEA' to save 25% (the boys are Sunday @ 11am): nowhearthisfest.comTrailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. The following episode of the worst idea of all time was recorded under very interesting circumstances. We apologize in advance for any quality issues which may be about to transpire. I can't remember what was said. I would describe this, and we've described previous episodes of the podcast before, as only for expert listeners. And especially under these circumstances, I can't emphasize this enough. Now, some of you might be tuning into the Worst Idea of All Time for the first time, on the back of maybe, we're about to go and do some live shows in San Francisco on October 21st and Portland on October 22nd. And a friend of yours might be a fan and said, hey, these guys, I really like the podcast.

You should come along and check out the live show. If you are one of these people and you're downloading this episode as a sample size of what you're going to experience at the live show, I implore you, please, to dredge up a different episode and experience that instead. This is an experts-only listen. This is, well, you'll hear it very soon, because, of course, it will come on the back end of this recording.

And just a reminder that if you haven't got your tickets and you're in the San Fran or Portland areas, just go to blazepizza.co.nz or goldstarrealtiesolutions.com and you can grab all your tickets and your details from there. Shall we? Let us. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Try, try, try, try, try, try, try.

Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp.

Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point but now we are so all right so now either that is the intro to this episode or you've caught out the bit where it happened because i was recording quite a lot of the front half of this episode on my cell phone and i will have made the decision after reviewing the footage if the content and audio quality were up to our regular worst idea standards before i publish it to the global internet hello and welcome maybe or to the halfway point of episode something that feels like 20 of the worst idea of all time.

A podcast where Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery watch a film once a week, every week for a year and keep on reviewing it. Of the 20th episode of this season, which is We Are Your Friends. Very good intro, Tim. You really got across all the key information in an efficient and quite classy way, I thought. And it's very exciting because this week we're joined by a special guest. He's a good friend of ours and soon to be yours.

He's sitting in the corner and he's a handsome man indeed. Hello, Reece Matthewson. Oh, dang it. I thought you were going to do it again. Four laughs Which again If I've decided To edit out

The first half Of the cell phone Part of this episode Won't make any sense There was a good Two minutes there Where Guy just forgot My face

Hi guys Thanks for having me Again Yeah was that Where we're up to here Or as I was saying I don't know I thought Someone was making a good point

No, it's what is important is that we are all present In many senses we are That's right In all of them What else has been present in the room is we are your friends Coming at our faces That's right For the sweet two-eye

The first thing I want to know is Rhys, on the whole, what did you make of the movie We Are Your Friends, directed by Maximum Joseph, starring predominantly Zac Efron? I really, I think I liked it a lot. I'm way more into it out loud. I don't know where this is coming from.

It's coming from the heart, I think. What drew you to it? What about the movie did you specifically or thoroughly enjoy? I've just always seen music videos and thought, I wish they were like an hour and a half long. Well, this is obviously right up your street then. Oh, it was great.

It was full of douchebag emotion yeah they wear their hats on their sleeves they do because they're all they're all hopped up on uh hormones from the fish they eat oh yeah and the sushi well the the best sushi in the valley i've got it like i kind of want to try the sushi now in the western hemisphere well it's all made of concrete say actually don't try the sushi unless you want a trip to the dentist sound like Kim Cattrall when she's doing a skating with their upright bass player but all the heat are the new so the she like them the crowd never knew such a hell of a loo those are some kim cattrall b-sides right there coming at you from tim and guy fucking an odd clip have you

seen that race it's on the internet no i have not kim cattrall sex in the cities samantha jones uh deforming the semblance of a jazz doo-wop duo with her husband and addressing the camera in earnest and saying we just have such a connection and then it glides into one of the tracks that they're just riffing and skating live and kim cattrall's just reaching for syllables that might rhyme and then like desperately filling in the rest of the line leading up to it with like human waste? I think you do Kim a disservice. I think she was in flow. She was definitely operating on a pretty high frequency. And to dismiss it as the ramblings of a mad person isn't helpful. That is music.

I stand by it. I'm that confident. Out of the highest order. All right. Well, is it closer to music than roofing? Yeah. Out of the highest order. All right. Well, is it closer to music than roofing? Yeah. This week posed the question, is roofing music?

That's right. Discuss. Rhys, yours, please. I would argue yes. I would say roofing is music. Anything is music if you make it music yeah that's it that is that is cole's central thesis of this film anything can be music because anything can be anything because why should anything make any fucking sense or have any balance or anything to it like at no point did he go those are some nice wind chimes like it was just a shot from

earlier yeah lazy fucking terrible yeah i gotta yeah i gotta say he uh it really watches when you really you know get down to the nuts and bolts of the film that scene really watches like a man who uh just absolutely loses his mind in a panic in a frenzy if you will and starts recording things willy-nilly uh he's so excited with all the adrenaline the idea that he's had some sort of creative breakthrough he uh he's blind to what he's actually creating such is the enthusiasm and excitement that the idea of this thing happening is generating uh but what he's actually building is just an assembly of miscellaneous sounds from this huge manic runs he goes on where he sprints for about 20 kilometers and he just only pauses to record things with his phone that he then plugs

into his laptop and then he just underscores it all with the sound of a helicopter because it makes it more ominous i would have loved if there was a post-credit sequence where he got out of DJing and became the world's greatest foley artist. Yeah, that's a pretty good compromise. Filmmakers Maximum Joseph and Sir Matthew Oppenheimer. I have every sound on file. What do you need? They need some scrubbing

I just recorded them on my phone I'm kind of a gorilla recorder Can you call it We Are Your Friends 2 Is that fine Or does it need to have A different title to that? You can call it

We Are Still We Too Are Your Friends That's pretty good That sounds like a movie with an Adam Sandler cameo yeah doesn't it which is something I for one

can get on board with which is funny because it's quite a like a high it comes across as a hoity-toity sentence structure but you get Adam Sandler

saying it and there's a beautiful and the original chimp from Dunstan checks in juxtaposition it's a hell of a reunion And the original chimp from Dunstan checks in Juxtaposition there It's a hell of a reunion

Sam was at cameo status? No, no Him and Dunstan are a whole subplot We too are grown ups Dunstan is still in character as Dunstan From the original movie Dunstan checks in That monkey's probably dead, man. That's savage, eh?

No, the monkey's alive. And if the monkey's not alive, we'll just get Andy Serkis. Dude, the monkey's definitely dead. It's the year 2016 now. That monkey is no longer with us. Oh, they gave that monkey a lot of steroids. Turtles live ages. i know that this is not a turtle i know it's a reality steroids they boil down shells jack up dunstan with them jack

him up so he'd work better as a porter at the hotel jack up that son of a bitch that was the second dunstan checks in as the hotel goes bust because they find out that they're boiling turtle shells to inject their monkey porter with it's a hell of a it's a hell of a uh drama julie roberts reprises her role as erin brockovich it's a hodgepodge uh we're really getting way off topic which is to be expected uh what were some other exciting moments that we gleaned from watching we are your friends this week i learned that pcp looks great it's true you you spotted a real pro pcp uh thread through the film well i kind of wanted every time that someone gave him a drink

or a pill or anything for it to just be PCP again. It probably was. That's subtext that a lot of people don't pick up on, but you're a savvy watcher. That's why you got it on the first try. Oh, that's the case? Yeah, I'd say absolutely. Fantastic. I mean, if you look at the evidence...

Yeah, he's just... He asks what the drinks are, but they don't tell him the answer. Yeah, the implication always being if they give you a drink and they don't tell you what's in the drink, there's PCP. It's the implication. Yeah. It's like the first time you took something and the guy went, oh, by the way, there was PCP in that.

Yeah. There's other evidence for this, in that someone's always giving him a foreign substance that he's not a handy on what it is at even periods so it's like he's getting topped up all the time he's building characters into a manic frenzy yeah at the climax of which he will record a series of miscellaneous sounds in a panic yok Ono style, just screaming into a microphone that's under a trash can inside a fucking pool hall somewhere. Release it as an album.

But in character also with the voice of John Lennon. How was that? How was that? For John Lennon Being his wife Doing music poorly Was there not another element of Zac Efron contributing to that? Nope, not intentionally I didn't think it was very good

I thought it was pretty borderline, Tim I thought it was pretty borderline, Tim. Well, God bless you for calling me to account, bro. I appreciate it. I'll tell you, I love where your head's at, though. I appreciate you having a go. That is in the spirit of good fun. Highly patronising. Ohizing oh no earnest and sincere fuck um there was some good shit out there in the field yeah i'll tell you what we were really

having a good time reese you're a breath of fresh air to be fair to say you were you know are you a real pro you're a real joy to work with it's been great very anti-vegan film explain well they spent $200 on cheese and half of them don't eat it

like these fucking morons that is how they display their wealth and that's not that much cheese I feel like Yeah I'm with you on that man That line stuck out for me for the same reasons Like if

I saw in a big party Party that size I wouldn't spend $200 on cheese But someone in my position might Yeah I mean I never would I would never do that I can anticipate going to an engagement party

where there's upwards of $200 worth of cheese. Yeah. Cheese is expensive. And so if you're going to have some cheese, you're going to have to have enough cheese. Otherwise, it's going to be weird if you've only got one wheel of cheese. So understandably, I could also imagine a circumstance where at some event, some people had paid upwards of $200 to cater for the cheese.

Just the cheese and the cheese alone. Yeah. I mean, I think we're all on the same page here. Yeah, yeah. These aren't the cheese. So really they're just being mean about regular people. Yeah. When you see that that did you feel

that line was written by maximum joseph as a missile to the hearts of vegans or did you feel like the characters were were embodying those no that that was the writer stomping into his work really putting his opinions yeah his mouth where his movie is if you will very much so he he was taking his one movie the only movie he gets and he was taking that one opportunity to lay out the law for everyone who's wronged him it was a takedown project well another uh theory that i particularly enjoyed and i think i could be accurate is uh the film is also it serves a dual purpose and it's embarrassing it took us this long to discover but it highlights quite clearly Zac Efron's training regimen throughout the film uh and it's all in the build-up to uh it's a

trailer in essence for Baywatch which is coming to cinemas uh summer 2017 featuring Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Zac Efron and the entire movie is all the build up to the backstory of the characters of Coley who will of course be playing the hunky David Hasselhoff type on the beach. Presumably the beach is somewhere in California I've never seen Baywatch

And it seems insane if you're listening to this theory but consider this Why did the movie lose so much money because it wasn't a movie it was a trailer it was a trailer for another future film that didn't exist yet and number two so cooley's mom maybe plays piano wherever she is and it's never addressed why because she drowned and they never found her body and so zach zicoli has to kind of avenge his mother against the sea

by learning how to vanquish the sea for baywatch that's what that movie's about it's it's about Dick Heffron getting so buff that he manages to fight the ocean

and not just fight it vanquish it can you guys hear that buzz yeah that buzz is coming through. Real nice and clear. Hopefully not for the listener,

which means the buzz is imagined and isn't actually happening. That's how you want, though. It sounds like something Zicole would lay down on file. But no, the Baywatch theory does make perfect sense. It's satisfying to a final extent. Of course you lose money on an ad. You pay for an ad.

It's a paid-for spot. It's absorbed in the budget of the film, presumably. You're from Hollywood, Rhys. You know what you're talking about yeah well i'm i'm show business you are the buzz stays everybody i don't know if it's on the podcast or not but there's been a pretty steady 50 hertz hum that's been playing through the last it's actually quite nice it's quite soothing it's a bit off-putting, though. It's a bit of a disruptor. Yeah.

It feels like we're caught in between two radio stations. I do not know how to fix that. I like the vibe. I welcome it. I embrace it. It's like an episode of Space Ghost. They just lay a buzz under all of the studio bits. It's back. It's gone. It's a real flirt, of the studio bits. It's back.

It's gone. It's a real flirt, this buzz. Okay. It's gone. What's that buzz tell me what's happening? What's that buzz tell me what's happening? Maybe it's Space Ghost. What's that buzz tell me what's happening?

That's a little showbiz for you, Mr. Showbiz. I've received it. I've appreciated it. Can I put it to you guys? This film is like... It's the music version of TV's Numbers. Like, everything is Numbers, and this movie is everything is music.

Yeah. I haven't seen Numbers, but with your accurate and succinct description, I can imagine exactly what you're saying numbers it was a real cool kind of pulpy it was very of the time tour de force show about two brothers it was about two brothers and they're fighting crime they actually are one's like a straight-laced um like detective and that like in the force kind of detective and the other one is like more a analytics math guy who works for the cops and they buddy up and they crack cases together using brawn and math

and it was a conspiracy by the American Department of Education to try and teach everyone math from the state. Really? Yes. Sick. Because every family

should be able to decide if it wants to teach its children math. That is a decision for the family. I could not agree more. I'm not comfortable if I do have children, sending them to a school where math is taught indiscriminately.

Way to make a stand, man. Yeah, well, someone had to. We've come so far just pretending that math is fine and it's not a problem. It is a problem. I don't like it. It's an imposing reality. Which, frankly, I don't need in my life. it's an imposing reality which frankly I don't need in my life

who does at this point that's the real that's the real question is the real question who does maths at this point because I'll tell you who it is it's nerds it's no good schmucks

so here's the thing every week obviously big shout out to all of our maths listeners we're sorry if we've all our maths professors and teachers because our children are the future uh don't teach my

kids maths the shining light is every week a departure from our whimsical nonsensical negative descriptions of the film to bust a nut over one bit that took our breath away reese matthewson what was your shining light of the movie uh shining light probably be chandelier oh yep yep yep yep yep yep yep yeah that is uh a callback to a tim bat uh shining light in itself i think tim you've created a shining light within the film second level you've broken through i think you get a credit on wikipedia now it's a jacob's ladder of shining lights like i would argue that is a my God, can we call it shining's light? Like attorneys general, when you pluralize it?

Yeah, it was the shining's light. Awesome. It was almost worth watching the film for. That is flattery of the highest order. Guy, did you have any shining's light? I would like to hear more about recent I'm trying really hard to remember anything else

that happened in that film and I am coming up short remarkably I like the bit where they stood by a ferris wheel at the big gig in Las Vegas they were selling drugs to children

Oh I take it back You know what those kids are going to do They're going to go home and take those drugs and do some maths That's how the whole fucking cycle starts Rhys This is how the system is constructed Wake up sheeple How much for a gram and how many grams in a kilo The lamestream media won't put this stuff in their papers.

But you can find it here at the Worst Idea Gazette. And we endorse three things in life. The First Amendment, the Second Amendment, and the Fourth Amendment. Because off the top of my head, I can't remember what the third one is

and that's an interesting roll of the dice for your patch of land i have the utmost loyalty to the flag every amendment to the constitution except whatever the third one is Just whatever it could Whatever it could or happens to be Whatever the consequences I'm willing to take them Because off the top of my head I just can't remember

Your patriotism is unquestionable And your bravery on behalf of the United States for Miracle tremendous fuck so aside from that aside from that race we don't usually

you know mine I guess for so many shining lights but we were enjoying shining light shining light I'm trying to think yeah I guess, for so many shining lights, but we were enjoying the movie. Shining's light. Shining's light. I'm trying to think of... Yeah.

Look, I'll tell you why I'm putting it so hard on you because I can't remember a single detail from this God's Sake-In movie. I'm a patsy. You've invited me in here to be a patsy. Yeah, you're a fool guy. Okay, I got one. Yeah.

I thought it wasn't my turn. Such vanity. I'm whipping it wasn't my turn. Such vanity. I'm whipping it out, you guys. Here is my shining light. This is a big build-up. Oh, shit. Can't wait. Wait until the drop.

It involves John N... Fuck. Oh, I've got one. Hit me with the chips. Improvised conversation... Improvised breakfast. Yeah. Was exactly like two children pretending to be adults.

Yes. That was a hot take. Please explain. It was... Just after they've done the intercourse And then they wake up the next morning And discuss Discuss burgers and pancakes

Yeah yeah When they sit down in their robes In an awkward table in the middle of a bedroom The table's got wheels They're eating off the cart Wow It's like two 8 yearyear-olds pretending to be adults on a date like their parents have gone down to the casino floor and they've figured out that they can

order room service oh we can well yeah you know maximum joseph that was one of his trademark on set uh devices he'd get children in and dress them up on a smaller set, an exact replica of the actual set, and they'd improvise the scene because he really wanted to capture that childlike sense of romance and the excitement of a new day and maybe a new relationship. And so they'd get these kids to record it with their childlike wonder and then he'd transcribe that and give it to Ziccoli and Somali to perform.

And that's why it has that really childlike feel. So it's a very astute observation. Thanks, man. I feel like I really keyed into this movie. Yeah. This movie hit me at 128 beats per minute. It got you. That is right in the heart.

Yeah. It got you, boo. Ugh. Uh. Tim, hot take. What are you doing, Tim? You're retreating into the darkness.

I was trying to see if there was a way for me to configure the microphone so I can sit under the table to record. Why on earth would that be the case? I just want to get the maximum away from the light of that screen. Is it really hushing your buds, man? Even now, it's like, oh, it's so bad. Oh, shit. My headphones just went.

You guys okay? Yeah, we're going gangbusters. Okay, great. We'll proceed with the experiment. Tough times over in Timbale over there. Look, it's not a flawless victory, that's for sure. Fuck. Far from it

but there's been ups and downs good times and bad everyone tried their absolute hardest and at the end of the day if you've eaten all your wheat bix

and you've run your marathon maybe that's all there is left and strap in because it's beach season Baywatch coming out summer 2017

starring Dwayne The Rock Johnson and Zac Efron yeah did you not hear us the first six times we said Dwayne The Rock tune in

yeah I'll be ready are you a Dwayne The Rock Johnson fan humongous Dwayne The Rock Johnson fan? Humongous Dwayne The Rock Johnson fan. I'm a humongous professional wrestling fan. I love it. It's great.

He's the biggest man in sports entertainment, and now just entertainment. And did you see this coming? Trippy. Oh, absolutely. If you didn't know this day would come ever since the Scorpion King, you're out of your goddamn mind. Okay, hold on now. Hold on now. So The Rock, you described the thing that you're into, Rhys, as being something that used to be sport entertainment and is now just entertainment. No, The Rock has gone from sports entertainment to just entertainment.

Okay, I think this still holds. And then there was another bit to it too. But is that not... The Rock was warning us about donald trump rose to the top removed the core industry bit of the the slash entertainment made it pure entertainment no one saw it coming you're in pretty it's a parable i think i can't get in that deep on dwayne the rock johnson as dj t who is no not as him but he foretold the rise like we should he's a parable is he is he how does i can't wrap my thinking gear like i may have cast the net a little too wide because

upon revisiting the thought i guess the only thing is i'm just grabbing two things that rise in popularity at some point whenever and connecting a dot on second reading. Concrete is sushi, bro. Concrete is sushi. Dead right, because anything is anything. It's a powerful mantra. It's why it's such an open movie. It is open to do anything. Anything can go anywhere.

His mum could be doing anything. That's right. So many you know stories left untold he he references his mother in such a you know a sort of intriguing way meaningful way when he says she played the piano and then they just never ever and then they just never, ever address it. What could she be doing? She drowned. Was that her main thing after teaching piano? She was most known for drowning.

Yeah, in Liverpool. That's why she drowned. I like coming to this beach. Was that her before she drowned? Yeah, that was her. Insane. I like coming to this beach, slow walk into ocean.

It's a very one of those real artsy films 18 seconds long that of course uh we'll be playing as a super bowl commercial uh in part of the build-up to baywatch coming out summer 2017 this film could have ended with just zach efron standing there with his top off just waving at the camera like, Oh, fuck, that'd be good. Bye. See you next summer. Or Zac Efron crowd surfing over the masses of dancing fans of Zicole the Crying DJ,

all the way to the end of the crowd, where he comes out somehow wearing surf life-saving gear, and with a boogie board, and just jogs onto the beach. That, to me, would be perfect. And if you are listening and still looking for ideas, I'm available on spec. So the movie they've filmed,

you want to come in and offer some new perspectives? I just want to marry two works of art together to make one greater, bigger, better piece of art. That is terrifying. That is how art is made as i understand it as you take one thing and you take another bigger thing and you put them together that's how you create greatness when baywatch comes out you should watch it immediately after we are your friends i'll tell you what i'll do is i'll watch it uh i'll watch we are your friends then i'll watch the trailer that i was just discussing that will inevitably get made and then i will watch baywatch and then i'll release that as a montgomery productions uh independent

feature and i'll make millions and i'll be able to set up the same Ponzi scheme that Paige uses in the movie We Are Your Friends, and I'll be a fucking millionaire. You'll drive a Ferrari and be able to have a baseball bat at your office. Yeah, I'll live next door to Chandelier, on the other side of the fence, two doors down from Paige. Three doors down from me. The ghost of the coley's mother yeah how are you how are you first of all oh i'm very dead yeah you look terrible you look like a ghost. Oh, I feel it. But how are you other than that?

Oh, my hearing's gone. Because of the water? Wait, what? No, because my headphones are fucked. Oh, you're wearing headphones. It's a very modern ghost. Did you die with headphones on when you drowned? I did.

Listening to your son's terrible recordings i did is that part of the reason why you walked into the ocean yeah oh my god but it wasn't intentional i see but in some way it i was just paying such close attention to the podcasts and i walked clean off a bridge ban podcasts well what was the podcast what was the podcast recording of i don't know couldn't rightly tell you i did die listening to it. But I do not know. I suppose when you're dying, that's probably the main thing that's happening.

More on the dying. Less on the listening. Wait, you drowned, right? Yeah. So you had headphones on underwater? Yeah. Okay. That's some high tech.

It's just a waste of a pair of headphones. It's a waste of a good human life, and it's a waste of a pair of headphones. Kind of you to say. Now that you say that, I feel like I should have focused on the human life. Well, no, the headphone thing is annoying as well. They're both up for grants. Sorry, all of that aside, the ghost is the Coley's mother. How do you like it here?

She's gone. She's gone. My headphones work again. Can you only excuse her when your headphones go out? Yeah. Jesus Christ. ESP is not a sixth sense. it's a lack of one and then it's a sub in it's a sub in fifth sense yeah i've never heard that it's because it's not true

that would be the simple reason no it sounds true i can't wait to propagate that i'm gonna marry that along with the popular myth that at 128 beats per minute, you can control a human heartbeat. And I'm going to put them together. I'm going to call it great art. I'm going to release it as an independent at Montgomery Productions. I'm going to make millions of dollars. And I'm going to buy the other house on the other side of the ghost of Zicole's mother.

I'm going to own the neighborhood. If you buy that house, that's haunted house tours. Wow, yeah. It'd be more like you'd see the facade. You still couldn't get in. It's still someone's house.

Yeah, that's true. Unless maybe the ghost of Ziccol colleague's mother wanted in on the enterprise go hold on and you're here when you go to a theme park and you go to a haunted house do you think there's a family living in the other half of it it just isn't like front facing uh it's like well they went to all the trouble of building a house, we'll have it, and half will be horror and half will be family. I'm not saying that specifically, but I'm saying, yes,

I'm open to the idea that there are all sorts of arrangements within all sorts of haunted houses, because why wouldn't there be? So you're saying, Tim, that you're confident that no one has ever lived in a haunted house? A haunted house in general, or a haunted house at a theme park?

Not a for-profit haunted house. In a for-profit haunted house. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. It's not a dwelling, is what I'm saying. It's a... Well, no, but it is for some people. The people who live in them

okay right on we'll agree to leave that well alone oh shit and shout out to all of our listeners who do live in for-profit haunted houses who Tim continues to aggressively

neglect for no apparent reason and also who have died, generally. Yeah. Also for you. We could do shout-outs to all of our different listeners, but the list would be too long. Suffice it to say. I feel like you guys could group by dwelling.

Yeah. Haunted house for profit. Under deck of tugboats Yeah we're big Do you know honestly What is the only company I would trust to pull this off Gold Star Realty Solutions They have some exciting ideas Everything is a house

Because anything can be anything That's the whole point R Because anything can be anything. That's right. That's the whole point. Roofing can be music. PCP can be a harmless party drug. And you can rock up on stage to a gig tens of thousands of people have come to see you do with this dead silence where you plug in your MacBook.

Why not buy the whole cow if you like milk so much why don't you own a cow it's like tim's always said tim's actually wearing a t-shirt right now that says that we of course can't see it because it is pitch black it's another exciting element to this particular show or rather record you'll always see things when the record i mean when the screen screening is on on account of the light sorry what you okay there's no such thing as a pitch black screening of something No I suppose not But it seems like a pretty arbitrary point Because of the light

I don't do this often but I'm going to tap out for a bit You guys keep going. I was in the deeper part. She was my friend. Oh, my God. I didn't realize that the darkness could take one of us. And like a specter. Tim went outside. uh oh so you identified with squirrel as a key player in the film and a source of empathy as a viewer he was the only man of the four of them with the courage to accept like to be okay with

their situation so you feel all the other characters would uh were drawn as to not not have much uh self-awareness wouldn't it just to be striving just like their constant we want something better because this isn't good enough and squirrels i think courage to be like no i'm okay with this this is all it is this is where i find my peace yeah Yeah. And to hit that point. And then the last shot of him is just him looking down, drinking a beer to being dead. Yeah. Well,

I have a theory that he's drinking. He's, uh, they're singing Santa Ria, of course, the popular song by the band sublime. I hate that song so much. And so does squirrel

and he is so humiliated by what is happening with his closest friends and he's so wrought with embarrassment at the very idea he's just in fits of anxiety at the idea of waking up tomorrow morning and having to confront his group of friends singing centuria in 2015 in earnest and he just can't handle it so just as he's reached that moment of zen he's finally accepted his fate he goes i'm comfortable with this life but if we're doing santeria i am fucking out that's right wow that is powerful stuff yeah it's uh it's not a it's not light subject matter and it's it's handled uh pretty haphazardly and and full credit to Maximum Joseph for working that into the film. Well, you know what he's like, don't you? When he's working, he really cranks things up to the maximum.

He really does. And you can see that. It comes through in every shot, every line of dialogue, every eyebrow raise. Every part of that movie was a decision. And I think the right one. To a detail, to the finest point,

to the varnish on a stool in the background of frame, out of focus. Actually, not in the final cut, because they had to cut the end off the frame because the stool was ruining it. It was too big big that amount of detail it was i mean the decision to have a man completely blurred out in the background yeah be stern and then disappear well i mean you know jar dad or dad head whatever you want to call

him is a real triumph of filmmaking and a classic touch of the Autea, Maximum Joseph, who, I mean, really takes filmmaking to the absolute maximum. Is this his first film? It's his first feature film. He was involved with Catfish. I think he was the director of Catfish. Okay.

Which was the original Catfish movie, and then it became an MTV show, I think. Do you know that? I've heard of Catfish. I've not seen it. I think it's meant to be really good. And then this was the big shot. Put my hands on the table. put my feet on the table,

put my whole body, put my penis on the table, my whole body on the table and say, this is my movie. Record the sound of my penis thumping onto the table. Because that is how I sign contracts now. Because my name is Maximum Joseph and I must take everything to the absolute maximum, which makes him quite a difficult character to work with on set for some. Yeah, I got that vibe.

I got the vibe that a few of those extras hated his guts. Well, he just had such a specific backstory for everyone in the movie, I mean, to the detail, everyone in the movie. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, yeah,

it's a, you know, it's, it's rare to see. And I think that's probably why, you know, I might've, I might've been rough on it in previous weeks because he's put,

he's put too much effort in. He really should have toned it down on this project. It's distracting. Every detail, a story. Everyone had to do it. They had to hold hands and chant it on production every morning. Oh, and he'd give them pages upon pages of character script. That script was thousands of pages long

as each extra was meticulously described. Oh my goodness. And the amount of time that Tim... Come on back, buddy. No way, man. It was Tim that before we started recording was saying, I'm never leaving the room. Yeah, but the room has gone sour on Tim.

Well, Tim has gone sour on the room. Are you okay? Yeah, but... Just hanging out. Good on you, man. It'd be good to get a little bit of airflow. Yeah, the smell in here. On both sides of the bridge.

It's powerful. Palpable. You haven't really left the room, Rhys. Can you smell anything, or have you just completely assimilated in there? No, now that the door's open, I never noticed it smelling bad, but I now distinctly notice it smelling better. Yeah, which is a real talely notice it smelling better. Yeah. Which is a real tale of baked in smell. Yeah.

That was some long haul flying musk. Yeah, it really was. We've got musty in here. I would have described us all as musty. That's an

apt description. That, you carry on that descripting path you will get to the level of detail that maximum joseph has for his actions that's right and musty is something i could not accuse any element of this film of being oh must free absolutely a must-free zone. It was a tour de anti-must. It was a must-not. A must-not, says Tim from The Great Outdoors. It's like a different zone. Like the atmosphere. Naturally, it's inside and outside they're the opposite are you picking up what he's putting down race he's making outside seem very attractive

don't listen to me it's like the sirens i was trying to think i'm going to bust you guys out of there actually oh you want to go mobile kind of just get out of the room man i feel like you guys are in fukushima right now and i'm gonna like try and come rescue you what if we did a podcast in three parts where the first part is recorded on a phone there is some quality recording in the middle some A grade audio

and then it goes rogue. It's not bad. I feel like the amount of technological maneuvering that would take would be... Everyone stay exactly the exactly where you are i'm in the environment everyone welcome reporting in from outside trying desperately to make this work in the dark which is hard another thing that we do

each week Rhys is at some point James Reid the sort of mentor figure to Ziccoli gives Ziccoli a gift contained and it's not a kiss which I know is what you're thinking contained within to Ziccoli, gives Ziccoli a gift contained,

and it's not a kiss, which I know is what you're thinking, contained within a box the size of a MacBook Pro. And he prefaces that by saying he may have gotten a little sentimental. And when we speculate about this, what we do is we sing a little song, and I'll sing it for you right now. It goes, Getting sentimental with James Reid.

Tim, that only comes out in song. And I put it to you. Do you have any idea what sentimental gift James Reid might have taken it upon himself to give to his colleague? There was a lot of information in that scene. There was a lot to take in. I feel like I've narrowed it down to two choices.

It's got to be one. Ah. Obviously, it has to be one. Sort of weak-ass double answer you're trying to lay on me. Okay, I think it was just full of your bog-standard frankfurters. Can you guys hear me?

Yeah. On this microphone? Yeah, we can hear you. Cool. Bog-standard frankfurters. Hot? Cold? Cold in their polystyrene packaging still. Okay, so just out of the fridge.

Yeah. Still could possibly be used. Yeah, oh, absolutely. They haven't spoiled. so just out of the fridge yeah still could possibly be used yeah oh absolutely they haven't spoiled haven't spoiled but like you're eating 20 hot dogs for dinner

if you want to get through them yeah if you want to get back back in the environment welcome back welcome to the goody room yeah

yeah it's all going off in here that is a very interesting offer why do you think James Reid would specifically give Ziccoli a bunch of frankfurters? You know, it's a summer food. Cold frankfurters or hot frankfurters?

Hot frankfurters. It's a summer food. Well, you know, like just a summertime hot dog. That was intense. Palpable. Hot frankfurters. As a summer food. Well, you know, like just a summertime hot dog. Oh. That was intense. Powerful. A summertime hot dog. Summertime hot dog.

It's just getting ready for that beach day for Baywatch. Is that, he must have like, he can't have those every day, surely. What are the stats on a hot dog? That can't be good for beach season. No, he's just having the first barbecue of the season so he's going he's going

hot dog wild hot dogs coming out his ears no yeah no I I mean a laptop bags

full of hot dogs yeah I mean he's got he's got enough hot dogs for like eight people tops it's just a jailbreak we're going walkabouts I'm sure. It's like all I think of is John Mellon.

Raw stuff and something. Am I meant to bring my headphones? Meh, no. Well, guess. Like podcast warriors. Old. They record a podcast without computers. On abacus eye. Just a drill.

Of course. Don't bring up maths around the guy. On abacus eye just a drill of course don't bring up maths around a guy just oh yeah just take as much as you can just don't force it

for fear of it breaking so that it could be not a very long I don't know what the can't remember what the length of time is. And you look pretty mobile. I just, I need to get outside the environment.

Do you not make it out? Um, I have to be last because I can only get to the door I think. You just gotta be careful you don't rip that camera down. Oh boy, if this works. Well, I mean, we're all definitely outside, but we are very much tethered to our... If anything, we're closer together. To the great indoors. It's feeling very...

What was the movie? We Are Your Friends. No, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, the space one that I love that came out like two years ago. Interstellar. Yeah. This is very interstellar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like going through the different planetary environments of like one's toxic and polluted and time moves differently in there. humanitarian environments of like one's toxic and polluted and time moves differently in there and then like getting back to the to the ship which ironically is outside the ship this time but you get the idea i feel yeah it is nice to be out in the fresh air if i can't bend by one fucking mosquito out here i cry foul though because i do not tolerate those motherfuckers they contribute nothing and I hate itchy bites. I agree with your policy against mosquitoes, but I must challenge you on having your cake and eating it too.

You have wrought the mosquitoes on your juicy toes. If I was a mosquito, I would tuck right in there. Well, judge is rolling. I roll for the guy one. I think you got the saying wrong. I think it's handful of cake and eating it too. Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't abiding the script of Maximum Joseph. Maximum Joseph is telling out handfuls of cake. Yeah, it's interesting you bring that up. Alice Neddon was also quite smitten by the cake and hand scene.

In a different way from you, though, while she was sort of outraged at the idea of eating cake straight from the hand, you were delighted and excited and then disappointed and somberly for not getting involved in the cake party. I just wish they'd kept it with them throughout the movie until they finished it. Yeah, I agree. I mean, they lay down the gauntlet.

You can't... It's another missed opportunity from Max von Chysen. We are going to eat an entire cake together. Yeah, they throw it out there. It's Chekhov's gun situation. He immediately dismantles it. Well, he did make a lot of good decisions on set. Obviously, Maximum Joseph also made some maximum mix-ups

by missing out great storytelling opportunities like that. And his magnum opus. Tim is ever-nearing supine. I don't quite know what you're getting at. Are you speaking to Rhys or me or both of us? Both of you, to be honest. Are you speaking to Rhys or me or both of us? Both of us, to be honest.

This is supposed to be your environment in your mid to be thriving. Yeah, you're not wrong. This was supposed to be my zone, eh? I've not flourished. I've not evolved. Do you think the problem lies somewhere deeper I am the dinosaur fuck

so we've tried external what's next no I still like it yeah this is good and Tim's going better he's still with us I mean let's

full credit this is still an improvement yeah it is and that speaks volumes about the the ship I'm running in there Tim is Tim is sitting

on the bones of his ass on the pavement outside the studio here just next to a nice patch of lawn knees up arms folded across knees, head buried inside the crook of his arm.

Reece and I are standing. Crook's not a word you hear enough these days. No, it's not. And Reece and I are standing about 10 centimetres outside of the door. It would actually be a delightful photo. I like that I accidentally wound up with the real long cable. So now I can like lounge back like a little lounge man.

Lounge. You are really lounging now. Now turn this on. Full horizontal. Oh. Okay. Oh, shit's falling on me. I don't know what that is.

It's probably a mosquito. Tenacious little guys. Could be anything. All they get to eat is blood. Every meal, a challenge. Can you not cook it once? I come home every day day and it's blood. Cup of blood.

Can you guys remind me on where we landed on sentimental giving? I can remember vividly. Please proceed. Rhys, you have the rare honour of retelling.

Can I change my answer? No, you have the rare honour of retelling. Can I change my answer? No, you absolutely cannot. I thought it was going to be just filled with Frankfurter hot dog. Frankfurters. And why did you think that? It's summertime. He's prepping for barbecue season. You need to own those statements, Rhys.

They're not questions. Because those little sausage thingies are a summertime food. I like your moxie. You sound like you got your training from Gold Star Realty Solutions. Yes, a very large grasshopper taught me. That's why I live here on the concrete. A large grasshopper would be terrifying. Why?

Have you ever looked at them, magn pictures, magnified pictures of them? Yeah. Scary motherfuckers. You're not wrong. Terrifying. Any bug blown up to human size would be terrifying. Hmm.

Or just enough of them. We've kind of got the numbers thing, don't we now? Would you rather face a bug that is the size of a human or a mass of that bug the size of a human version of the bug? Mass bug. Surely. Why would you ever vote any other option?

Like just one big one. I feel like I might be able to punch it to death. Yeah. It's like nanobots. But a lot of them, it's like trying to vanquish the ocean. one big one I feel like I might be able to punch it to death yeah it's like nanobots man it's like trying to vanquish the ocean it's just undoable the unwinnable war that poor Soet

he thought he was made of stronger stuff than ours he thought he could take on the ocean and win and he was the first one in our generation to learn that harsh lesson that the ocean will always

win that's the closing monologue from the leaked Baywatch script Baywatch coming out summer 2017 it's going to be really intense in that movie when Ziccoli finds out that Baywatch script. Baywatch coming out summer 2017. It's going to be really intense in that movie when Zicoli

finds out that the reason his mother drowned was because she was so upset with the recordings he was making on his phone. Catch 22 there, isn't it?

For Zicoli? Mm. How so? Oh, maybe it's not okay sorry proceed well i mean he got driven to life saving by a desire to vanquish the death of his mother in the ocean. And then just as he's about to conquer the ocean, he finds out that the reason his mother drowned is because she heard the song he was making

that he played at Summerfest that made all those teenagers so upset. They hated it. We wanted to watch The Fearless. We're The Fearless. We want to watch The Fearless. We're The Fearless. We want James Reid. We want Pressure Man. We want to continue to exist in our simulated reality,

which is actually the imaginings of a PCP-fueled DJ nightmare. We're not real, but it's more fun to pretend we are. Just fake little holograms projected onto matter. So if the hotly contested PCP theory is true, Tim, where do you reckon Ziccoli is at the end of the film? In terms of on a trip? In terms of like on a trip? In terms of like outside of his reality. Yeah.

Where is his physical being? Yeah, a million miles. They're different things. There are two sides of him now. So it's his imagination. What he sees is a meth head, which is like life's real fucking cool and exciting. And then it flashes to his actual life and he is

a street person who has lost all of his teeth and unfortunately starting to lose his mind that is very upsetting for a character who I do not necessarily like but um

would not wish that upon. Hell no. Is there anyone in the film you would wish that upon? No, I think everyone brings something. They're all coming from a true place. All their motivations ring really true. I would get rid of the extra that has her toe stepped on by Johnny Depp no she is integral no she's not she is a

highlight of my week I'm not lying no I've singled her out for a praise to performance before because it is so convincing and committed do you genuinely only feel this way about that one extra that was one of the few extras you could have picked out that I would take personal issue with man wish I had out my sleeve what the other one or two could be

well no it's fair for you to want to wish her off the show I just fundamentally disagree with it and if you do want to Wish her off the show I just fundamentally disagree with it And if you do want to release The edit that you are making Under the Montgomery Productions banner Yeah I do of course get final edit

No deal We've already signed the deal Never make a deal with her You can't Snake oil salesman You can't go back on the deal Char make a deal with a You can't Snack oil salesman You can't go back on the deal Charlatan The deal's been signed

You're a town crier I am not the town crier Yeah you run around town crying I gave you somewhere to stay when you had nowhere Wait you're being literal No I'm not being literal. Oh. I'm talking to you, the boy from the concrete jungle.

Wistful night. This has gone... I wonder how long we've been going. Long enough, surely. Can I see if you can look on the screen and get a sense of where we're up to? You have to look pretty tight. You have to really get in there. There'll be a number that keeps moving.

Oh, this is... An hour and two minutes. Are you shitting me? We should have entered this ages ago. And that's not including the bung recording at the start. Right. Well, look, time and space is irrelevant. Gender's a circle.

This is Tim Batt telling you to go live your life. Thank you very much, Rhys, for joining us. Thanks for having me, guys. This has been an absolute delight. Jesus Christ. Do you have a call to action you wish to place at the end of the show? I do indeed. Well, I've got one. I'm going to put you at the... Oh you wish to place at the end of the show? I do indeed. Well, I've got one. I'm going to put you at the... Oh, wait. Is it your

podcast? You're damn right it is. Oh, jinx. You do it. Two and a half count podcast. If you like wrestling, it's very good. Wrestling anyway is crazy good. Just watch wrestling and if you get a taste, come and listen

to the podcast. It's very good. Powerful. Powerful pitch. So you want people to get into wrestling first. No, we're ending this. And then the podcast. Well, I mean, they can get into the podcast first, but it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Bye, everyone. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague who passed out. One of them dies. That guy's screw. One of them's a hothead. His name is Jay. One of them

looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree. Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point.

Well, there it was. Ah. And the thing is, what are you going to do about it? Nothing. It's on the internet now. Just a reminder, because we forgot to say it during the record, for somewhat obvious reasons,

that we will be coming to Portland, Oregon, and San Francisco for the 21st and 22nd of this month of october 2016 please if you're in those areas grab a friend come see us it's only 20 and it's a live podcast record and a stand-up show from guy and i all rolled into one evening of fabulous entertainment um you can get your tickets and all the info from blazepizza.co.nz or goldstarrealtiessolutions.com. We cannot wait to see you there. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try The Male Gaze?

Well, yeah, I guess Ash's defining characteristic is that he wants to catch them all. And so does everyone. Don't we all? We all want to catch them all. We're all on Grindr trying to catch them all. And so does everyone. Don't we all. We all want to catch them all. We're all on Grindr trying to catch them all. Step on mail. Step on case of mail.

Step on case of mail. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.