The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Two - Portland

Episode Date: November 6, 2016

SPONSORED BY AUDIBLEWelp, our boiz done goofed the recording and failed to hit the record button on their magic speaky machine and as a result, this live episode is brought to you with all the clarity of an iPhone accidentally taping a conversation in someone's pocket in a busy nightclub. Enjoy the highs and lows of this fabulous foray to Portland and feel like you're right there in the room with Guybo and TimTam as they dig back into that classic, We Are Your Friends - this time with added Portlanders!Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today, the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing. This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com. Are you going to play that dastardly intro? Ow! This movie's still fine.

There's a cold weather. I'll sit. One of them dies and that guy's screwed. One of them's a heist and his name is Jane. One of them looks like her again. There's a... Classic maximum joke. I'm a queen.

Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Alright. Thank you so much. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time. Episode 22. Live from McLintock Fair in Portland, Oregon. Thank you.

live from the clinic there in Portland, Oregon. How you doing? My name is Stephen Kimberly Wigley. My name is Guy Montgomery, and it is truly a pleasure to be here. Oh, my goodness. We just watched We Are Your Friends for the 22nd time, and here's some information that you people in the room were not privy to to but the people listening online

are privy to because of the release order of the episodes. We just watched the film at 80% of its normal speed. A situation happened where last night in San Francisco we were running a little behind schedule.

So we had to speed the movie up slightly to make sure that we'd start the show on time. So we're watching it at 120% of its normal speed. We made a commitment that to even out the score, we'd watch it this evening at 0.8 times its normal speed. This episode is carbon neutral, or something like that. Yeah, we've removed our time time footprint. But let me tell you something, that was hugely damaging.

Really damaging to the psyches of Tim Beck and Guy Montgomery. We've forever changed men by the watch we had this week. Right from the get-go, the funny thing about music is, if there's anything that you're familiar with audio wise

very like you've got the natural rhythms of it if you fuck with that whatsoever it starts playing on your mind and when you fuck with it to the extent that we did this evening it makes you sick it slows down

not just what's happening but the very concept of time. And how you engage with it. It's funny, it's almost loaded with irony in that every week we crave a movie to provide something different. Yeah. And then having had the movie do just that, it made us feel very nauseous, very unwell. Absolutely. The thing is, because this movie specifically, as I think we've speculated before, being a movie about electronic dance music, it relies heavily on its soundtrack.

The soundtrack is more than a crutch, I would say it is sort of a load-bearing prosthetic limb. It's a good description. And so now when you watch it at 80% its normal duration, no, wait, it's 120% its normal duration, it's 80% its normal speed, it has a quality where the highs are higher and the lows

are much, much lower. Like, disproportionately lower. The lower bits are five times as low. The higher bits are about 1.1 times as high as they were before. Yeah, the first thing, and you're almost disappointed in yourself to notice and that it's just, you know,

this observation dragged itself the whole way across the movie, but the first thing that happens if you slow life down by 20% is everyone in it seems way more drunk, and so the movie this week read as like, well, of course, all of this stuff's going to go wrong because you need to lay off the boobs.

Everyone here is fucked 24-7. So, yeah, you're not going to achieve your dreams of being an Instagram creator because you're fucking wasted, bro. And also, black coffee down your throat. Also, you spend no time developing app ideas at all. It's such a weird choice of... What's someone you idolise?

Idol? Mentor? Yeah, idolised. Is it an idol? It's a very odd choice of idol. Hey, hey! Believe in yourself. Thank you. I'm trying, I'm trying. When you tell me to believe in myself in front of everyone,

it kind of undermines the idea I could have. With that, you're out. This is a good thing when you're out. This is a great tune-out. Give yourselves a round of applause. I'm pointing my mic at you in controlling ways just so that it'll get picked up on the podcast. We've ruined it. Just so it's good for you, we're not insane.

How good would that be though? But like, guess what we're doing? We're going to Iceland and then we put on a gig and then we like just pump through a lot of audience noise into a closet where we were recording And we announced a world tour and sold no tickets and so we just went to the places to do the podcast in the privacy of our hotel room That is the definition of art because it's spending more money than what that outcome is worth It's just very quintessentially us though Yeah, yeah

It's just so us But you big bastards, you capitalist pigs Presumably all employees of the place pizza that shut down in Porto Aragão Yeah, I'm so sorry Because of their inferior quality products 180 seconds for a pizza is not fast enough in this town And people have got places to be I think it's quite the inverse

I feel like Portland, Oregon is a place that gets right to the artisanal part of place pizza and not the speed everyone is doing their own version of the artisanal ingredients it's like you get someone who's gotten rich on Etsy making a zipper store I've never bought a goddamn thing like that. It's like a craft snow wear website.

Is there a reason it's called Etsy? What does that mean? You've taken the word Etsy and you've put a K in the middle of it. So I've added a sound to it. Yeah, you've added a whole letter. You've increased the word by 40%. Am I saying it right now? Itsy.

Itsy. Itsy. What does that mean though? It's presumably an acronym. Every. Time. Is someone. Yes. Because every time I go on it, someone says, yeah, I'll buy it. I bought a shirt. You said yes to a shirt? Yeah, I did. I was hoping to wear it. It was an Itsy shirt. I bought a shirt. You said yes to a shirt.

Yeah, I did. I was hoping to wear it. It was an Etsy shirt. I bought it. It was handmade by someone presumably in Portland, Oregon. All it was was the tile of Hans Mollman getting hit in the groin by a football. But a whole shirt. It was sewn by hand.

One image like blown up or like a tessellated image of it? You know when you're on your PC as a child and you've got to choose between... Tile or stretch? Yeah, I chose tile. That's cool. And you said yes to that. Yeah. And the person said yes to my money and absolutely not to providing me with the animation equipment. So you ordered the shit and you haven't received it? Yeah, well... So you said yes and they said no?

No, no, they also said yes and then physically communicated no. By way of not providing me with the things I bought. Now I don't know whether or not I bought it from Etsy or the city subsidiary website Etsky. Which would make a lot of sense for why it didn't make it to me It's the same but cheaper and there's ecstasy on the side as well It's like a crossover with the dark web It's a little bit of Silk Road injected into Etsy

if the Portlandites are familiar with that particular network Anyway, Shining Light, let's dive in Let's do it. Okay, let's get down to business. We need an intro for the Shining Light, like a musical intro. Do it again

so we can get it in stereo. You can really hold a note. Yeah, I was channeling. I didn't know you had that in you. You know that thing from Mr Bean? Yes. And it's Spotlight comes in. Bean has fallen.

Bean has fallen. Bean has fallen. Bean has fallen. I'm feeling good! Insane! Insane! Such a polite audience! It was like watching a gymnast try a pretty easy round off and fail and you think like, well, you know know what they gave me a red hot go

You came out here, you made it to Bayshane, I appreciate that and you're like air pollution, don't give a shit you've got a round off to show off to the world you still fucked it up on the international stage and you guys were good enough to be like oh they're going to be crippled when they get back home and in the room right now let's applaud them make them feel good about themselves That was the participation ribbon of applause breaks.

Which we are immensely grateful for. So I've got my shining light down here Tim. On a napkin. Much like the light break JK Rowling wrote the first... She is alive, but notoriously tidy I mean we will keep working with her because yeah she writes great books but

god damn it, buy a watch learn how to read it so the beauty of watching the movie this is pretty great if you interpret that as anytime someone says they're late to crying why are so many amazing people not able to schedule themselves correctly of watching the movie. That's pretty great if you interpret that as any time someone says the late great. You're like,

why are so many amazing people not able to schedule themselves correctly? Is that Venn diagram so weirdly constructive where

if you are a certain level of performance and creativity or intelligence, you can't possibly be on time because you're just

too busy setting your own rules. I also think the reason it's misinterpreted often is because a lot of people are saying the late great person X are unaware that the person, in addition to being notoriously late and great, is also presumably dead. And so the late great, you know, Charlie Chaplin, is like, yeah, well, he he's gonna be late pretty much every minute he's not showing up yeah which is the ultimate mate

yeah yeah you can't get later than dead put it on a tea towel so the great thing about watching the movie 20% slower than it usually broadcast, is that it gives you the opportunity to engage with, you know, me's on scene and parts of the film which are otherwise, you know, not so... Someone didn't make you study so high school. That is 100% correct. That's exactly what I did. And we really gave our teacher a very hard time. Did you?

Yeah, yeah. Was it a woman or a man? It was a man. time. Did you? Yeah, yeah. Was it a woman or a man? It was a man. Peter Hewson. Quick shout out to PA. If you are listening, Peter Hewson, a lot of those things that you thought were pranks, they were absolutely pranks.

You got pranked, bitch. But the thing is that the movie, as far as I'm concerned, you get to pick out parts of it that you don't otherwise get to see. That's right. That's everyone previously just a flash, and now one and a two times a flash. That's right. And accordingly, we like to bill ourselves as experts of any movie we watch repeatedly. Correct.

We like to say that we are the world leading, what you are in a room with right now are the two premier world leading experts on the 2013 box office smash, Grown Ups 2. Two world leading experts in the field of Michael Patrick King's, Michael and Patrick King's, sorry. And my mentor's Michael King's. Experimental recipe. Michael and Patrick King, sorry. And Mattress Pike with Kings. Yeah. Experimental recipe. It was just like from dusk till dawn.

Three directors, banged in one movie, let's see how it turns out. Not well. Not well at all. It's never worked. And no one is more qualified to tell you that than us, the world-leading experts on Sex and the City 2. Thank you. And accordingly, we are also the world leading or at least approaching world leading expert

status on We Are Your Friends. And in spite of that, there's still stuff that if we had not watched it 20% would have passed us by. And has in the previous 21 watches of it, right? That is 100% correct. And so, my shining light

with this in mind is a man yeah you agree you've weirdly been mirroring our watch cycle of this film exactly it's weird that we didn't

sync up and do it together it's really weird to do it by yourself I was listening at home on the internet and someone was talking in the crowd. But making agreeable noises is what you're saying. The point he's about to make. As specific and unlikely as it is. I don't mind the heckle if it's on my side. I just need to let everyone in on it. That's it, you know. that's the whole thing. You've got a great attitude. Thank you. Sure, Tim's attitude deserves a big round of applause. There was a guy, one very sarcastic yay to round off the day.

One very sarcastic yay to round off the day before the show. That yay is my spirit animal. You know, to anything you're given, you piece of shit. Yeah, it's not in the script. No, so it's at the music festival in Las Vegas when Ziccoli and Somerle finally let their guards down and embraced their forbidden romance. Yes. Animalistically. And they kiss. And the first thing I noticed is that kiss.

It wasn't what I was talking about when I said animalistically. What were you talking about? I was talking about after the kissing. What happens after the kissing? After the kissing, there's some heavy peeing. How disgusting is that turn of phrase? It's real American too, like I don't think anyone else says it except for this country. That's why I've tuned into it.

Well yeah, I mean you know it was a good day. Heavy petting. Because to me it's like, and listen this is going to sound shocking, but when you listen to the previous episode, Guy's the one who has set the bar now. We're in a different zone now. Heavy, like, yeah, just fucking you listen to the previous episode guys the one who is set the bar now we're in a different zone now maybe like yeah just fucking you listen to it heavy sounds to me like someone doing this to someone's genitals just like giving me the good like oh good boy good boy or girl you know like it works both ways this is your weird turn of phrase the origins of heavy petting you you know, they're not good. We've appropriated it as something which is okay to say. More of a do, in essence.

But heavy petting, traditionally, that was a federal crime. That was punishable by exile. Yeah, there's another word for it in the rest of the world, we call it bestiality, right? But one high ranking persuasive lawyer was like, no, no, no, you accuse me of bestiality, what I am guilty of is the logical extension of a date gone well. I am having trouble following you because I thought I was on your buzz.

It would be like, if you take a low-level bestiality, a bestiality light, if you will, it'd be like, this is my... No, no, no. Bestiality, hold on for a second. And it'd be like, this is my pet. This is simply some heavy petting. This is my bestiality. But then you brought it back to humans before you kind of got to that, though, which, no, no, you're still on the, we're on the same page.

Heavy petting was, initially. Speaking of page, how good is he at 80% on the screen? He's drunk with real different intensity and a real intensity. He's visibly drunk, but somehow what he says has more meaning Yeah, he's got even more weight than before but it makes less sense which doesn't stand out to me but I'm very appreciative of

What I was saying is that the origins of heavy petting it started innocently enough it was a tummy scratch which of course is how a lot of Are you talking about humans or animals? Animals! Okay, great You cannot commit best yoga with a human That's how a lot of... Are you talking about humans or animals? Animals. Okay.

You cannot commit bestiality with a human. That's true. And I will argue with anyone in the room on that point. Guy's very liberal on his views about that. But it was just an innocent tummy scratch. Yep. And then I was with a dog. The Border Collie, if I remember correctly. The smartest of dogs.

Yeah, they're very, very intelligent. A collie among borders. Yeah. A border among collies. And the half-used looks that came out... ...from the tummy scratch, the half... You're taking this podcast in a brand new direction on the lifetime

and I don't understand it I don't understand the rationale it's a place we've never been to on this three year voyage it's so strange all I'm trying to

we get you in front of a crowd you get very you get very hyper sexualized all I'm trying to I'm not I'm not a fan of his you know I'm trying to, I'm not, I'm not a fan of his, you know, I'm not going to lie to you. I will, I'll tell you.

Now I'm a sexist. Yeah. Way more of a sex with humans guy. Okay. And I've always liked it about you, that's why this is why I signed up. My guy, Gumball Bumbrey, talks a lot of shit, does a lot of shit. But one other thing I like about him, more of a sex with humans kind of thing. And that's the other thing.

More of! They're in this small grey area, but... By and large, more of a sex with humans. We didn't really know you were shining white. I'm getting to it. I'm getting to it. It throws off the best of your thought. Well, I'm pretty much done. I mean, you it. It throws off the best you've thought. Well, I'm pretty much done. I mean, you've now got the origins you could have... Oh, no, okay, okay. So, um... So, there's Nicole in Summerlee.

They're in the hotel room. No, no, not in the hotel room. At the music festival. So, immediately as they realise their sin, and they break the heart of Joan of Arc from the feelers, and kiss. First of all, that moment had as much gravity at 80% speed as it does ever. It is a very well executed piece of filmmaking. They capture the feeling of being high on drugs

and feeling passionate towards someone with a plump and all power to match. Don't challenge anyone, whenever you are on the spectrum unless you're an asexual person, to see Zac Ephron or what's his name? Emily

Randischowski and not be super attracted to one of them or kind of both of them at the same time if not attracted to either of them individually attracted to the idea of them making another person yeah yeah

that's what it is and in that way not even in a way, but in just an appreciation of biology. Like slightly eugenic-sy. You know how your kids are going to turn out? Perfect. Like literally unbeatable. It's so funny because sometimes you see attractive people who accidentally, presumably, have an ugly child. Yeah. And you're like, oh, that must hurt double time. That's something that got built into our DNA is that we're blind to our own kid's ugliness. Really?

I think so. Don't you reckon? Yeah, it's a wonderful... Our parents told us we were beautiful babies. Demonstrably. Our parents told us we were beautiful babies. Demonstrably. A half-truth at best. And that's instilled enough self-confidence, you know,

for this self-flagellating piece of shit. Can I say, for everyone, which is most people who can't see, come on, we're going to be right now. I just want to give you a rundown of this top half. It's just so good. It's maximum guy

is what it is. It's kind of like, It's maximum guy, is what it is. So it's kind of like, it's what I would call a bucket hat, but the brim is a little bit smaller than you'd normally get on a bucket hat, and it's slightly firmer, because it's like a cheap version of felt. And the colour of the hat, what is it? It's towel. Made of towel. So then I get the thing am I wearing it?

is it not therefore by definition a thing? holy fuck it is towel it's like a hat made of towel material and the colour is like a sort of powder teal powder teal

and then we go down from there and we've got a polar fleece number with long sleeves, which is just like a slightly darker teal with a bright yellow pocket, and the whole thing just fucking works. You know, it's crazy. Yeah, it works. Good.

When I was leaving. And you look like you feel good, too. When I was leaving the tiny house look like you feel good too. When I was leaving the tiny house that we're staying at in Portland. We are genuinely staying at it. They call it tiny. It's only small. Fucking Portland. We've both been there, no worries. And we are regular sized. It's a fucking one way to a one star review idiots

but when I was leaving the regular sized house I looked in the mirror and I was like it might be too much teal oh okay did you? I'm sorry

for giving you a line well especially because there are two shades yes but like but I feel so good about it now that you've said that. No, it works.

Thank you. So my shining light, if you would let me. Yes. Sorry. Channeling fashion points for a second. The late, great Joan Rivers. Who we have a meeting with next week, by the way. You know, it's usually about two and a half more times before,

due to her being deceased. It's a real shame. the way. You know, it's usually about two and a half more times before, during the day of being deceased. It's a real shame. Ah, is, oh yeah, so, so I'm really into Colby. They're kissing, and they're catching the moment over there beautifully. And in the background, the backlight of frame, there's a guy in a black and white plaid, black and red, sorry, plaid shirt. Plaid?

Plaid. Plaid? Have you been playing plaid this whole time? Yeah. Keep going, sorry, plaid shirt. Plaid? Plaid. Plaid. Have you been saying plaid this whole time? Yeah. Keep going, sorry. What are you guys saying? Plaid. Yeah, you're all wrong as well.

Keep going, keep going. Don't get me to slug you out. Get out of here. So yeah, he's in the background of frame, and he's out of focus but his background... You guys are here, I'm sorry I said that. That was really disrespectful to the room, I apologise. I just, I feel like I've railroaded him so many times and ironically I'm doing it probably a third. No, it's fine. But you do you.

The guy is just acting up a storm. He's got like about five seconds of screen time. The director presumably told him he's going to be out of focus for the duration of his time on screen. Do you think that impacted his performance one jot? Because the answer is no. He is either A. Tremendously excited by the

drop that the DJ is about to bring or B. Tremendously excited by the blessed union of the two best looking people at the music festival or three. So obvious based on drugs. And in supreme disbelief that at the same time... Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing. His favorite DJ is playing his favorite song. His favoriteick the Faze from his favorite New Zealand rock band His favorite two good-looking people are finally hooking up at the music festival Can you imagine... Can you imagine being at a music festival

And this kind of works either way, you can be off your face or not And just be staring at two people who are quite good looking Just being like, no cuss For like a couple of hours. Just following them but like a lot of steps back so they don't see what you're up to. And then they do and you're like,

yes. This is the thing. Me personally, I cannot imagine that. That is not keeping with what I'm like at music festivals. I could be that too. I could see me being that too. The decision that this character actor made tells me, yes, this person specifically can imagine exactly what you're describing.

Yeah. And execute it. Perfectly. And that was my shining light. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yeah, we should probably do the theme again if we're gonna do another Shining Light. Have the flip side of the napkin, bruh. Be as good as you can be I have no idea. It's frankly not my fault. Something happened in this episode which I've never noticed before, and that's always going to be a shining light when you're in the 20s. And that is Jar Dad slash Dad Head. And one of his very few and far between lines of dialogue in this movie mentioned to his son that the toilet is still broken.

And now that I'm replaying it in my head, I don't know if it's true, because it says... Yeah, he fucking does! It says, you haven't fixed that roof yet, and the toilet's still broken. And I've never noticed it before. It took 21 previous watches and a.8 times speed of normal

to get there. Because if you slow down the peanuts, parents, wobble, wobble noise, they actually... It's real words. Yeah, real time. It's actually a sentence. So, I guess where my brain went from that was

you can have a roof that hasn't been repaired in a while, especially in California, and it's fine because there's not a lot of rain, right? So that's like, it is what it is. You want to fix it at some point, but it's not a steaming hot priority. To have a broken toilet... I'll tell you what is a steaming hot priority.

A busted shitter. Is that steaming hot man's in the corner of your ensuite? 100%. The other thing is, it's insane that someone would have to tell the other person who presumably uses the toilet that it's broken. Because traditionally, everyone who uses the toilet would be pretty fucking aware that the toilet is broken. You're onto it from the first half hour of that shit happening if it's in your own abode. And we see into Jahid

and Dadhead and Dadmum's house, and like, they're doing okay, but it's not like a grandiose house. I don't think they've got an en suite. I think they've got one central shitter that they're all using, and if that thing is down, what the fuck is everyone up to

and why do they keep relying on Jahir, the man who has proved himself completely unreliable to fix it for everyone it's so important no it's not it's totally reasonable that they expect Jahir to fix it and I'll tell you why

because they are disciplining their son, okay they are disciplining their son. Okay? They are disciplining their 20-something-year-old boy who is yet to leave home. He has a very good-looking friend who's been living with him for 6, 7, 8, 9 or 9 years. Units of measure.

Yeah. Never, never we're told. And they're like, okay, I know that with hindsight it's regrettable we chose to make an example out of the busted toilet thing. But if we give up on this and fix the toilet and don't make him

do it, he is never going to learn and he is beyond helping. And it's just like, they are just super unfortunate victims of circumstance. Like every day they're like, why did we decide to make the toilet out of the toilet? The consequences of your actions and the consequences involved the toilet. And the consequences...

The consequences involved of the toilet having a moat and your grandma's sick because of your refusal to fix it. And the inability to use it without throwing it all over yourself. Dig that. Dig that in a big way. We interrupt this garbage audio quality of a live recording to bring you crisp, clear studio vocals. That's right, we're sold out in the biggest way possible. Our recordings from now on will be of terrible quality, but all of our advertisements will be in only the highest definition audio. That's right. It's time for an ad. Midway through the show. Who saw that coming?

No one, because this is a brand new sponsor to get involved with the worst idea of all time. You guys, we've finally made it. We're a real podcast now because audible.com have gotten on board. We're applauding ourselves. Great ourselves you good things this is the only reason we got into podcasting in the hopes that audible would one day approach and sponsor us and that day is right now for those of you who don't know about audible it is a fantastic service that provides all sorts of audio content books comedy, specific stuff that isn't available anywhere else. Premium digital spoken information and entertainment available for you on the web.

There you go. It's like a podcast, like this podcast, only better with 100% less Tim and Guy. And it's offering our listeners, those of you, the listeners of The Worst Later of All Time, a free audio book with a 30-day trial membership just go to audible.com forward slash try now and browse the unmatched unparalleled uncomparable selection of audio offerings they have right there download a title for free and start listening it's that easy i have been tempted because fun fact about me i've never read the har Potter books. Oh.

But I saw Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone as read by Stephen Fry, who I adore, and I'm thinking it's a pretty tasty morsel. Maybe I'll pick that up. The beauty of Audible, the frontier, is that I like Alan Partridge, and he's just released a new travel book called Nomad. I read his book.

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The 80% speed threw a spotlight onto another fact that we can't, it's so strange, isn't it so strange the things that crop up? Oh, isn't this entire thing so strange that literally all of these people with their own volition paid money to be in a war? There's been two things that we've mentioned separately and never tied them together and that is the fact that there's a great mystery surrounding what's happening to her. I just want to share one. We're still going to teach you on the point of this.

The two components are, Zicoli's mum is gone in mysterious circumstances. We're not sure what's happened to her. The only proof we have. Presumed drowned. Presumed drowned, we're not sure what's happened to her. Presumed drowned. Based on the evidence we have, but unconfirmed. The only evidence for sure, the only evidence laid in conclusion, is that she taught piano at one point

and may still. If you could play the piano underwater, which is a question for the scientists, not us. I'll take a question for the scientists, not us. I'll take a punt and say you definitely can't. She's probably not teaching piano anymore. True. Oh, so as a colleague, that's not even the knowledge we do.

That's the difference. But what was the thing in the movie this week that we saw that was like, he doesn't know what his dad is up to either? It's when he's on the phone to Tanya Romero when he's busy ruining someone's life for his job at Gold Star Realty Solutions. By the way, GoldStarRealtySolutions.com, go on it, let's see where I've redirected it now. Yeah. It's very funny actually, this is quite a detailed deep cut but it would have used to be no end when it happened. We've got a tour poster for this particular tour featuring San Francisco and Portland, and at the bottom of it

we sent a misprint to the designer and it printed as at the bottom there are the websites which say tickets available at blazepizza.co.nz which is my name, too, I'm also an owner, and goldstarrealitysolutions.com Which I don't own, and I have a funny feeling being in

Portland, someone's going to buy, buy like live as we're in here Cause I'm not gonna get a chance to buy And Tom, no sorry your name is Tim I am? When I spotted the error I told Tim and he was like fuck Fuck Someone probably owns that domain name and I said hold on Tim probably owns that domain name and I said hold on to gold star reality solutions would be a company which provides a solution to reality

Yeah, you know what it is? It's a Seattle startup specializing in virtual reality where you can eat nothing but concrete and fuck nothing but climate It's the whole thing It can act and it's all very high resolution, very high frame rate. Feels like you're right there, fucking diamonds in there. Puts you right in there. I have nothing. You are 100% correct. What were we talking about? What the fuck were we talking about? Oh, so Richard. Who's Richard? Richard is Macaulay's dad's name, which was the evidence when he says wistfully, that was my dad's name.

He's talking to Tommy Romero, and his son pipes up in the background, and he says, sounds like you've got a little monster back there. Which, if you said that to a dude, it would be oddly sexual. Sounds like you've got a little monster back there. Yeah, isn't that the line? Yeah, I'm a dude, I'm trying to interpret it sexually.

Oh sorry, alright, well we both have our turn of being creepy dudes tonight. I wasn't a creepy dude, the person who invented bestiality... You can talk about bestiality for the first time. Because I know about history, that doesn't make me the problem. Sorry for reading the book, bro. We're talking about Zacolli's lineage, and he's on the phone call to Tanya Romero, the kid pipes up, says, sounds like you're a little monster. She says, I don't know what she says, but she mentions that the kid's name,

you'd think I'd have that by 20 watches she mentions that the kid's name is Richard and Sokoly's taken back and says oh that's funny it's actually my dad's name

Richard and the wist in his eyes is that weird? yeah yeah because I said wistful is the adjective then wist

has got to be the noun that's true if you're full of wist then wist is a thing wisty eyes came about before misty eyes those dreamy wisty eyes and so it seems

like it's Emily suggested that Sokole either his father has passed away or he doesn't know where he is as well so it's like here's this orphan DJ which I guess is like that's why you would be a crime DJ it's not comedy by the way Here's this orphan DJ, which I guess is like, that's why you would be decrying DJ.

It's not comedy, by the way. I guess the heartbreaking thing is people who have all of the information, knowing that these characters within the movie are trapped without being provided with all the information, is knowing that no matter how successful Zicola becomes as a DJ, you cannot make a song so hot that it rev your mother It's true Alright, that's it We need to grab that joystick and pull up And what we're going to do is we're going to change course Get a little emotional and more importantly get a little sentimental

Because we are Getting sentimental With James Green 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Getting sentimental with James Reid Oh yeah I'm gonna be 20% flower Take me, I'm gonna be 20% flower I'm gonna put my finger in your ear It's quite a try,

isn't it? A sentimental gesture. Did you feel sentimental the same way? Or should I feel sentimental tonight? I felt no sentiment towards it. I felt disrespected

if you were asking. Interesting, because the quote we have is that it fits inside of a MacBook Pro box and that it's a self-serving gift that James Reid from The Feelers gives to Zicola, the crying pastor there, Jade. And I feel like this beat has something to do with the fact that I was watching it at 20% slow and normal pace

but it is a time manipulation device that fits. It's not contained within the box of the laptop. So what this does, it slows all of the other genres of music down 20%, except for Premiere, Pristine, EDM, which, as we know, is the perfect genre of music. So is the measure of Premiere, EDM, is that whether or not it remains at the same speed, or is there a metric by which the machine judges it?

If our Lord and Saviour, James Reed from the Feelers, has deemed it so, it is EDM. That is how that works. So he's sacred music. So the machine represents an interpretation of sacred EDM, and the machine's judgement is James Reed from the Feelers' judgement. That's correct. So it's not a time manipulative device it's just this really super

self-serving aggrandizing reaction which is like the music I like will play at the same speed and the music I don't like I will deliberately sabotage by slowing down. And this is the crucial bit you haven't understood. It's not the music he plays, it is the music contained within the universe we live in.

So this device isn't like something he puts it through. This is a device which is changing the molecular structure, subatomic structure of the world and universe that we live in, the plane of existence we exist on, so that all other kinds of music happen at 20% slower than they should. So when we are exposed to dubstep, which is actually 70 bpm

because it's 140 bpm cut to half speed, we are now experiencing that at approximately 58 bpm. And when we're looking at house music, which traditionally speaking would be 110 to 140 beats per minute, we're actually looking at a casual 98 to 118 beats per minute.

It's all gone wrong. The technology is so sophisticated. Yeah. And the actual concentrated power and focus of his application is so minor and it's fucking insane to me.

This guy learned how to do this and then his one application... One man's minor is another man's major. Do you know who taught me that? Music. True. So guys, you know who taught me that? Music. True. Because, in the movie, you're glad to wake up seeing it, hardcore, you can't

dance to that, but if you play it at 80% it's normal speed, quite palatable and I could absolutely jam out to that. The funny thing about hardcore is if you slow it down by 20%, it just sounds like reggae. Yeah. Those two genres of music are literally the same thing. So the sentimentality revolves around the fact that James Reid has an emotional attachment to Premiere and EDM and everything else gets afflicted with this horrible kind of curse.

And so is he giving Zicole a prototype or the first cab the rank, so to speak, the first actual ready for release? They seem like one and the same thing that you're describing. Oh, so he didn't test the product at all. He was like... He didn't answer. He's that good. The prototype is the finished product. That is a terrible attitude. I know. I know from a technical standpoint, but from a confidence standpoint...

That is the kind of truth that man's wearing the worst idea of all time. But I've started the realm of this podcast, and that does not make any business sense. Yeah, but luckily it worked, so what are you going to do? Well, I'm going to say I'm very excited to see what Tukoli does with this. I suppose every song he makes, he would immediately measure against this machine that he's been provided with, and know whether or not it's ready for Summerfest. Right? I mean that is a logical use of the gift. Correct

Brian. The only thing that's going to slow down is a colleague crying past the DJ is that the decks he has chosen to perform on for Summerfest are quite literally an arts and craft project he's been working on after school for nine years which is macaroni DJing.

It's literally a DJ set or like, you know, what are they called? Decks. CDJs. That's what he plays from. Turntables? Is that the word you said you were going for? No, he uses CDJs. Oh, okay. I wouldn't ask that. Turntables are what the dinosaurs DJed on, my friend. Alright. They're important, they're DJing on mini-discs, did you know that?

Oh god, that would make me so fucking happy! If there was... I don't even know if that's technically possible, but if there was some way that it was like a twin mini-disc deck, that was interpreting a track three, I think was the format of music, you know what, I'm getting off course. a track three, I think was the format of music. You know what? I'm getting off course. It's true. There are DJs in Portland who

trade exclusively by DJing minidiscs. I'm going to stop you there because we've got a no but before we run out of time which is now. Right now. So is there any point in time during the 80% watch of this film that you felt these guys are off the rails, they're off the beaten track,

they're free balling,, free-wheeling. Well, as I said to him, can you just pass me the napkin? No. Well, that's okay, because I didn't actually want the napkin. I was just referencing earlier when I said, can you pass me the napkin?

It's a callback. Yeah, as I said to him, can you pass me the napkin? But that's neither here nor there. Because there's no bus. If I may. You may. Yeah, and I'm going to.

The thing is that obviously the lead actors in a film get given a lot of direction and a lot of instruction and they've got the actual working script to work from. So they've got lines of dialogue that they can build their idea of what the character's motivations are from. Extras, on the other hand, have more or less left their own devices apart from a smattering of direction they pretty much have to make up their decisions

and their characteristics on the spot and so there was a phenomenal piece of improvising taking place at the looking pool party when Jai Head is very awkwardly invading a conversation between two people

who by all accounts are getting along fine without him. I want to just mention as well, I'm still very tickled by the concept of looking for. You did really well there. I didn't understand it at the time and it really grew on me. How does swimming pool

look for? It is the very definition of high art. Yeah, I like it a lot? It's really good stuff. It is the very definition of high art. Yeah, I like it a lot. Because it's like, it's the most, like, especially in Los Angeles in drought season, it is the closest you can come to creating the hardest possible look, but don't you touch. Yeah. Which is, you know, a theme which pervades all of art as part of its appeal.

It's because it's like, we as full grown adults go and look at something really up close and aren't physically or legally allowed to reach for it and touch it Do you know what it is? And this won't make sense to anyone in the room until you listen to the previous episode It's a reverse reverse reverse mirage Oh shit

That died in the room but to everybody listening online right now I can only imagine the depth of the chuckle you are having. Anyway, sorry, we're in the middle of NOBA. Yeah, so pretty much at the Looking Pool party, Ja has a drumming conversation and there is an extra, a featured extra, who has made all sorts of interesting decisions in the background. Yes. Which Maximum Jo Joseph was too busy focusing

his macro attention on the leads of the scene to notice. But there is a woman in a bikini top denim shorts like strap on high heel shoes open tied shoes pretending to be unconscious in the background of the film

like this huge offer where she's like yeah yeah sure the party's happening, and also I'm overdosed on heroin. I get it, I get it. It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon, it's Occasional Affair, I'll be the one that's passed out on the last strike. It's so sad to see because

no one else in the scene knew that this extra had provided this backstory. So they all just act like it's fine. So when you watch it without the context of the acting, it just is a standalone scene in the movie, you're like, okay, so these people are about to have a fight, but more importantly someone's called ambulance

and that woman is dead. Fucking well done you. I'm amazed. That's a really good one. You pulled that out of the napkin. Hey. Oh, also, while we're speaking of the napkin, just because we're about to wrap this episode up, our third co-host tonight says hello to everyone. So, I'm sorry to hear, only in America do they applaud you carrying a knife.

So good. I love it a lot. Not something to celebrate. So, listen, that's going to do it for the episode. Ladies and gentlemen of Portland, Oregon, thank you so much for coming out tonight. Give yourselves a round of applause. Thank you.

This movie's still fine. There's a colleague who passed out. One of them dies. That guy's a screw. One of them's a hothead. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree. Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point.

Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try... And so far, all these Marvel films have delivered on their promise to take a normal guy and turn him into a superhero. I challenge you to show me one Marvel film where a normal guy stays a normal guy and nothing weird happens to him. Ant-Man. No, you're wrong, because I believe in that movie,

he shrinks to the size of an ant. Wow. That might be normal to you, Joseph, but're wrong, because I believe in that movie, he shrinks to the size of an ant. Wow. That might be normal to you, Joseph, but to me... It didn't seem too, like, beyond the pale when it happened. Okay. I saw it, and I was like, eh, and what? What else you got? Ant man?

Yeah. I guess when he commanded the army of ants, I was like, okay, that's not something you see every day Today You ready? Okay, let's go The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run!

Ends here This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run! ends here This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately Borderlands, now playing