The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Two - Ballet

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

A discussion on the talented Jon Lovitz and his role in the film, the strange ballet recital scene and the best analogy for this film. Also, a revelation that this entire podcast is simply a ploy by Guy for his own gain.Soundwise, we're sounding echo-y as all hell but at least you can hear us both this week. Better next week, promise. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time Podcast. Second watch, episode two, and holy shit, kill us now. No, holy shit, it gets better. I think, just right off the bat, I'm going to tell you this, Tim, I think I enjoyed it more this week than I did last week. I'm with you on that, actually. You miss stuff in the first watch. It comes across as being a brainless movie. This is a movie packed front to back with gags on gags, and there's a lot of slow- slow burning jokes, a lot of thinkers,

which you won't necessarily get on the first watch. That's true. The other thing I think is that I know what's coming now. There are markers. It's like the second marathon you've ever run, and you know your body's telling you when you hit that 25K mark, that 30K mark. I would use a different analogy. The analogy I would use is it's like your second tour of war when you have to go back to iraq and you're like okay i'm aware

some horrific shit is going to happen i'm aware i'm going to lose some men along the way and i'm going to feel things that no ordinary man should feel but i'm prepared well and the other thing in knowing what's happening and what is to come is that there are moments genuinely there were moments when i was enjoying myself today yeah same there were moments where i i entered delirium and i um i i laughed like i laughed at gags that the script writers had written to be laughed at should we um start by going through some of those ones that really i think both of us got caught quite off guard by how funny some of these gigs were the first part which was like yes please was

I don't remember what order it happens in but John Levitt's coming in it's Levitt's man, we do this every week because now's the second week and he did it again he comes in let's say it with me just real quick, Levitt's Levitt's, here we go, Levitt's Levitt's, I love it I Let's say it with me, just real quick. Lovitz. Lovitz. Here we go. Lovitz. Lovitz.

Lovitz. Yeah. I love it. I love it when you correct me. He comes in, I can't even remember if we explained this last week, but it's just hilarious. He's this really creepy janitor, and he pretends to be a yoga instructor, and he makes all these women do these things, like bend over and slap themselves on the bottom, and also jiggle, like just jiggle,

just face him and jiggle. John Lovitz, you might know as being, he's, he's in friends. He's, um, like he,

he does a cameo in friends, which is what I think a lot of people who are around our age will know him from. He was also, Monica's like food reviewer who gets really stoned and he's in the Simpsons. Yeah. He's in the Simpsons as the film reviewer. Yeah. And he's,

he's actually, I think even in his bio, I read once ages ago that like, he's perpet the film reviewer. Yeah. And he's actually, I think even in his bio I read once, ages ago, that he's perpetually the reviewer. That's his character. That's his piece that he adds to any enterprise. They really wrote him a gem of a piece in this script because he's not a reviewer. He's just some weird guy who shows up twice.

Once... And he's actually the only character, now I think about it, who doesn't get invited to Adam Sandler's big party which ends in the movie that's a good point because there's approximately

45 to 50 thousand people at the party in the end and John Lovitz is nowhere to be seen well even if he was he was off camera but you'd think

he would have been causing some sort of mischief the second thing you get to see from John Lovitz is uh I like that you

looked to me for approval is that how you pronounce his name yes it is I did look to you for approval so you'll stop

correcting me they're watching a kids ballet recital and the ballet teacher is really attractive and he's standing up above the lighting rig just watching

with binoculars with binoculars it's a really untoward scene actually watching the instructor going I'm having a wonderful time

his delivery of that line is like one of the greatest moments on film in the history of human cinema. See, and this is what worries me. You've already lost perspective. I haven't, man. You've forgotten what a movie is.

You go back and you look at that little segment of the film and you tell me that isn't... I'll do it next week. You tell me that isn't the best delivered line. I'm not doing any pro bono work on this movie I'm not going to watch it in my spare time

so that was probably the first that was a two moment simple funny yeah yeah so but in the ballet recital he has a couple

of absolute pillars and I can't imagine that Adam Sandler or the other dude who wrote this I think it was three

guys thought of these lines they must have been from John Lovitz he says I'll go out of order but he says you're all prostitutes when he gets found

out and then promptly leaves the room like he just shouts that out to all the women at the yoga clubs. Do you think he was just shooting on the lot next to the movie and just swanned in and just threw out a couple of ad-libs? You're all prostitutes. Just sort of for a laugh like there's no way they'll use this stuff and then the editor was like that's gold. That's pure Lovett's gold.

What was the other one that he says before that when he's in the yoga room uh I don't know it was really good there's another really good line

it's not important you know what is important we'll get it next week while I think of it yeah because we're just going to keep adding to this list that doesn't get resolved

did you remember what that movie was that you were talking about in episode one oh yes that you saw and walked out of? No, I didn't walk out of it. I walked home and reviewed it. It was I Love You

Beth Cooper. Did you ever see it? No, but I've heard of it. And it starred Hayden Panettiere. Am I saying that correctly, Mr. Pronunciation? I think so. I believe that's correct. Yeah, no, that movie I mean, that's probably Pronunciation. Don't be so patronising.

Patronising. That movie is in the same ballpark as this movie in terms of just terribleness. The other funny gags, David Spade's son, when he first meets David Spade, he's got a crudely drawn stick figure with the word him and an arrow pointing at it,

and he holds it up next to David Spade as if he's checking, cross-referencing the picture. So this is David Spade's kid who has never met his father and obviously you would carry a photo or a likeness around so you can ID who your dad is and this guy means he's got a crudely drawn stick wearing a hat. And that's actually

I mean you could probably put that gag into any primetime sitcom and it would hold I think. Well I've got the feeling that's not the first time they've used that gag to be honest with you Monty. I reckon that David Spade's probably shoehorned that into a few episodes of the shows he's done. Just shoot me

and then House of what was the one he did? He was in it after John Ritter died. Eight Simple Rules for dating my teenage daughter. Spade eh the other the other funny moments just while I can remember them

the bus driver guy I can't remember who he is Nick sort of a character I'm starting to get the character names now his name is Nick I don't know the

that'll be when we know we're too far gone when we start referring to the characters as their actual names rather than the actors but he does a poos in a Kmart toilet

and when he's doing the poos he yells out what is it? Get out of me! Get out of me! And that's funny and also while we're talking about the Kmart part there's like half an hour of the movie is set in a Kmart and there's logos everywhere We need to delve into this. Adam Sandler references

Kmart outside of Kmart either side of the scene Kmart definitely bankrolled part of this film it was absolutely promotional considerations given to the shithole

that is Kmart this film had a budget of 80 million dollars and a cast of approximately half of 1 million people so someone's paying for that

did that actually have a budget of 80 million dollars yeah and it made 230 million dollars I think internationally at the box office 230 million yeah yeah so it made its money back but and then some yeah but it's it's like

with a movie like that you it's actually really hard to lose money when you have that many big name stars in it because they do all this crazy accounting and shit it's like a drug ring so this i mean you think that this is a movie that was written to a formula. This is a movie that they're making and they, I mean, it's... But it seems like they've missed, I'm no film buff guy Montgomery, but it seems like they've missed all the classic beats of any particular genre. That's not important because if it makes, well, it is important obviously in terms of making a movie, but as far as measuring success in Hollywood goes,

you make almost three times your budget. Surely that's a success. Yeah, but by that yardstick, wouldn't everyone just be doing porn? Some hikes in this film. You know what would get her a lot of money and financially successful? Pornography, word of mouth. No, that's too great a leap.

I'm just saying, who are the people who are going out and spending their hard-earned... Obviously, we bought a copy legally from iTunes. But how do they know that this many people are going to see this terrible terrible movie because when you pack it out with this many known commodities yeah and holy fuck the cast in this movie rivals it is loaded like oceans 11 yeah oh that's true the primary cast is huge but also just the secondary revolving cast of characters that they just where there's a

thing that happens in this movie where if a scene's not working they just insert 30 more people into the same and you don't have to see those people again it's just for that specific scene it's fucking nuts but anyway you had an original question i can't remember what it was about financial success in hollywood the point being if you have so many people like David Spade and Chris Rock and Kevin James you kind of can't lose. It's really hard to lose money. Because people will go and see it and be like I know who that is. So does this mean that

we lose faith in humanity? That we don't have a more discerning movie going public? I lost faith in humanity after the first watch of this film. I don't know where your head's at. I'm sort of, I don't know, I'm sort of just doing this. I just think,

I'm pretty much using this as a tool to become better friends with you, Tim. I just think that this is going to be an experience of joint suffering. Okay, well, let's explore that a little bit because you've got the strangest vehicle to try and forge a relationship with me out of. That's right.

You could have gone, hey, Tim, do you want to go play pool every Monday? Should we go and play pool and we'll get real good at pool? Or we could both buy a computer game that would be fun to play. Do you know, all of these tried and true friend-making techniques, what I'm doing is I'm trying to forge a unique relationship, a relationship built on i don't know what one of the worst films ever i guess a relationship built on the bedrock of grown-ups too out of your menu of options why did you pick this format and specifically this film

uh i just picked the film because you look picked the film actually You suggested grown ups though Did I? Oh no I suggested grown ups I said grown ups too Both are bad options Look I just thought it would be fun To do this with someone every week And then eventually

We'll go insane together Where were we? Does it matter? How are you going? Look man Don't talk about the movie just for a little bit Let's have some reprieve How's this guy going?

How's Tim back? Yeah I know I want to take a step back And it's this movie related But I am a little worried You mentioned this before I feel like I may have lost a bit of perspective because there were real moments of this film

where I was going, hey, you know what? This is all right. This isn't a terrible film. She's okay. Absolutely. And that makes me concerned that I've lost kind of my grip.

No, just consider it. This is a safe place. When we're watching the movie and we're doing the podcast, nothing is real. So this is a place where you can we're watching the movie and we're doing the podcast, nothing is real. So this is a place where you can feel any emotion and that's okay

because you're not of sound mind. You're not quite right. But I'm worried because from week one, and so from week one, I went in unknowing and unscathed and unhurt and I went into that experience

basically tearing my hair out by the end of the film you know clock watching wondering how i stopped you saw me do it i stopped the movie multiple times so the timer would come up to see how much more of the film there was to go and this week um no no this goes back to the marathon analogy there are markers i mean it's like for instance when we were at the party the party at the end of the movie yeah and it's before the all the fraternity boys show up yeah we know and I was saying we're near we near the finish line

and you said you think that but there's actually quite a lot of stuff to go and I was right I recounted it out loud but see we know now we know there are certain there are certain moments when you reach that and you go okay obviously this is a problem because there's still an hour to go but at least now I know there's only an hour to go it at least now I know there's only an hour to go

it's not like this never ending open ended nightmare Guy I want to drill down into I feel like we should move our spotlight and focus back to the film I don't think that's necessary I think I want to talk about the ballet recital and I want to talk about the mood of which

that was shot and just kind of how it gets presented because it's creepy. Yeah, okay. This is a children's ballet recital. For me, the creepiest, or when I saw it today, and I was like, this is a bit wrong,

is when, because Kevin James, pretty much the whole town shows up to this ballet recital because the ballet teacher at the school is really attractive and sort of, and I wouldn't say she's naively, she's not naive in the way she advertises this. She knows it and it's sort of an opportunity I wouldn't say she's naively, she doesn't,

she's not naive in the way she advertises this. She knows it. And it's sort of an opportunity for her to flaunt her stuff before the girls get to flaunt their stuff in the recital. It's such a strange environment to apply the marketing technique of sex sales. That's right. It's very strange. Because these kids are very young. They're very young.

And Kevin James is filming it on his little video camera. Kevin James films a lot of garbage in this movie. Like there's another scene where they make this guy pretend he's pooing ice cream. We talked about this in the show.

Kevin James has taken out his phone and he's filming it. This is a really seminal moment in his day. So he's filming at the ballet recital

and the wives, Adam Sandler and Selma Heifer behind him and him and his wife, whose name we should probably learn.

Whose wife? Kevin James' wife. Yeah. He only calls her Honey. Her name never actually gets used in the movie. Well, do you know what? Just a brief sidestep. I was really listening out this time

to see if Hiccups McGee had a name, the son of David Spade's child's mother. She doesn't. At no point do they bother naming that character. That's right. Anyway, so Kevin James is filming it and the wives

are going oh isn't she cute isn't she adorable referring to Adam Sandler's son yeah and then Kevin James is just muttering under his breath

yeah I'm watching her yeah yeah I'm looking at her and obviously he's muttering about the ballet teacher but the wives don't know this

I'm assuming and so they're just okay with Kevin James sitting there filming mumbling yeah I'm watching her yes I mean

and this is just a huge the whole time is weird there's a moment where they pan across all of the dads who are like Kevin James actually is in the crowd

with the mums and everyone else is against the back wall because they've been driving around in a school bus all day because and the police force

escorted them to the recital while firing their guns out the window. Factoring check. And I'll tell you what, that sequence is fucking funny. I don't know what you have to say about this movie, but there is something uniquely hilarious. You said that at the moment.

I did. This is funny. This is funny. A police car escort that is riding in front of a school bus, which is dragging an inflatable raft with a drugged-out bus driver, where the cop car is firing its guns a la that crazy Texas dude with the gallon hat from The Simpsons

out the windows, screaming, just careening through the neighborhood. That is funny to me. Again, I see... It is funny. It's ludicrous, it's big, and it is sort of funny, but I don't know if it's funnyicrous it's big and it is sort of funny

but I don't know if it's funny outside of the context of the film there was other moments I thought were funny the other moment I have always laughed

twice I've laughed is when Taylor Lautner who's in the fraternity starts doing backflips I talked about this last week as well and David Spade says that guy behind you

is doing backflips for some reason and it rang true for me again that this is David Spade stepping outside of behind you is doing backflips for some reason and it rang true for me again that this is David Spade stepping outside of the world of the movie, breaking the fourth wall and saying what the fuck is going on here, the other moment you were talking about is Adam Sandler, they're in the supermarket

and he runs into those strangers and he goes, he wants everyone to disperse and he goes I don't think any of these conversations are going to go anywhere and then he turns to the camera and he winks and then he pulls the fingers and runs off screen and it just goes to the next scene which is amazing because you could understand

the actors trying to insert cries for help in this film but Adam Sandler wrote this no he did I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go back and watch the credits because as you mentioned there is no part of me that has a desire to watch this movie outside the confines of

having to for this podcast. But I'm pretty sure he's one of the three dudes who wrote this thing. Fact. Anyway, back to the ballet recital. I really want to drill into this. So there's a pan shot of the dads at the back wall and they're all mouth agape looking at this

ballet teacher who is very attractive. There's no getting past that. No. She's a very attractive woman. There are huge shots of her cleavage. She is crawling on the ground in a very sexually submissive position. She's crawling.

She gets all of the ballet students to crawl. And by the way, the dance they're doing is not ballet. It is so far from ballet. It's like some sort of lame interpretive hip-hop dancing. But she gets all of the girls to crawl from the back of the stage to the front of the stage. And she sets up in front of all of them and crawls. And it's a big shot down her cleavage.

And I'm just thinking, why are you... Well, obviously she didn't write the script, but as the character of the ballet teacher, why are you exploiting yourself and taking the focus off the kids? And she is front and center. Like, there's something, and you could probably say this for every character in the film, there is something mentally wrong with this character. Because she does, she can't let the kids be the stars of this show. She is in the middle, she is in front of all of them. She's blocking a couple of kids at one point.

That's right. She is. But once again, John Lovitz, thank Christ he's in this movie because my God, he saves that scene by appearing in a balcony by himself, presumably masturbating with a pair of binoculars. It's not specifically shown,

but it is sort of suggested that that's the sort of behavior he might take part in. And just that line, I'm having a wonderful time. It's so good. We're going to ignore the pedophilic undertones of his character. We're going to look past them. We're going to assume that this is a guy who is sexually attracted to adults. He's a sexual deviant, is what he is.

Because he doesn't take a kid's yoga class. He takes a yoga class of grown woman's true....of grown woman. And he's excited to be at the ballet recital because the teacher, who is in her 30s, I would say, early 30s, who is married to Stone Cold Steve Austin, because why not? It's grown-ups too. She is very attractive and an adult.

The other stuff that happens in this movie, I mean, it seems, obviously it's silly to demand that the parenting or the example of parenting shown measures up to any sort of standard of parenting. But none of the dads have any idea about what their kids do. Chris Rock's completely taken aback that his daughter can sing. And she's about 14. Adam Sandler finds out his kid's really good at kicking footballs. Before he breaks his leg.

And when he breaks his son's leg, the first thing he says is, oh my God, I'm so sorry, is don't tell your mother. And he does the classic Adam Sandler yell. Adam Sandler, his daughter says, you were just yelling at me. And then Adam Sandler, on the way to buying ice cream,

Adam Sandler, in front of all of his friends and family, yells at his daughter, I don't yell at you! It's freaky man. No one should have to go through that. No one should have a father like that. It's awful. And Kevin James isn't aware

that his son is a piano virtuoso. Everyone's caught off guard by skills that their children have. And some of their children are quite old. And the way that the filmmakers frame it is that it's meant to be heartwarming when they discover this stuff. Like the music always changes and you get these sort of slow shots of the faces as they realise that their children have talent.

That's not right. It should just be like, they should know. They should know. They're so far up their own arses pissing away every fucking work day at Kmart. They don't have any time to see what the actual kids are doing. time to see what the actual kids are doing kevin james's response to finding out that his child is a borderline musical genius at age eight on the piano is to in quick succession burp fart and sneeze and then claims also to be a genius we need to we we need to talk about the burp fart sneeze it's got a name i don't remember it uh burp snarting i think they call it burp snart

burp snart anyway so kevin james it. A burp snart. Burp snart. Anyway, so Kevin James' character, probably the only reason that these guys were friends with him in intermediate school is because he can do this thing where he sneezes, burps and farts at the same time. And I'm assuming these guys have been friends for what? 30 to 40 years. It feels like it. And it's still, like they are still, every time he does it, which is several times a day, they are impressed. As if it's the first they are still every time he does it which is several times a day

they are impressed as if it's the first time they've ever seen it and they have the intellectual capacity of a 12 year old boy at one point they use the burp sneeze fart to unify like five different dinner you know there's all the dinner scenes and they're all explaining it to their families like

no one else in the family knows what it is this is like one of the only things that they talk about in the town. It's a strange thread where there is a scene where, similar to the start of the film, where it has a little vignette of how everyone's morning starts in the family. They're going through dinner time at everyone's respective house. And the unifying thread that they've decided to tie these storylines together is every dad explaining to

their family how fantastic Kevin James is at being able to emit every bodily function least ejaculation at once and at one point and then David Spade tries

to show his son it and he kind of does it and then he says I think I shat myself Adam Sandler does it at the very end of the movie literally the final the final words the final scene of the movie Adam Sandler who it at the very end of the movie. Literally the final words, the final scene of the movie, Adam Sandler,

he's about to have a lovely time with Selma Hayek. They're married. They're about to do what married people do. They've overcome some adversity. He's happy that there's a fourth child on the way. They're just about to get on the good foot and do the bad thing. And the last thing we hear is Adam Sandler doing it and celebrating

yeah that is a man who not only doesn't deserve a family but perhaps doesn't deserve any kind of relationship that's long lasting with people like his friendships and things he in this movie is the biggest piece of crap

he's such an arsehole to everyone around him he's abusive to his kids he breaks his kids leg he is so unhappy at the prospect of having another child to Selma Hayek who's obviously very emotionally invested in this even before you find out she's pregnant you know that this is important to her

I think you're being a little hard on Adam here he's loving there's a nice dinner table scene when he says he sits down and says this is my favourite part of the day I get to spend it with my four best friends

because everyone fucking hates him because they don't have to hang out with him they like spending time with him he's the fun goofy dad

he isn't do you know why his four like family members are his best friends because no one else can fucking tolerate him are you kidding me

did you not just watch him spend like three hours in Kmart with Kevin James Chris Rock and David Spade and a whole handful of others who would wish they could get involved with the Circle of French. He's mad.

They're on the gravy train. They've got jobs. David Spade helps out at the go-kart track. That pays pretty good. Kevin James owns almost the greatest body shop, the car shop in town. Chris Rock is a cable guy and he actually grossly

negligent to their job yeah now listen this is something else I wanted to drill into a little bit with this this episode

no one can perform their jobs and none of their jobs are very difficult I don't understand how the economy of this town works

because you never see anyone doing their job made a lot of money it's all explained at the end of the movie Adam Sandler

Lenny Fieser went to and made a lot of money. It's all explained at the end of the movie. Adam Sandler. So until Lenny Faser went to Hollywood, made a lot more money than any of you knuckleheads will probably make in your life, and he came back to this town. Do you know why? Because it's his home. This is funny because he's talking to the college kids who are probably going to go on to Silicon Valley jobs.

They might be working at Chase Manhattan. No, not these college kids. They're made to look on to Silicon Valley jobs. They might be working at Chase Manhattan. They're made to look like boneheads. And they are boneheads. But I'm saying, Adam Sandler, you're right. He does bankroll pretty much the whole town. Yeah, but also at no point is anyone performing the task which

they give to society. Kevin James is almost doing a job. Kevin James is at no point doing his job. We go to his point doing his job We go to his workplace When? We go to the body shop And then David Spade climbs in the tyre And spins through the whole city

Yeah but none of them are performing the job Which they're tasked to do They put David Spade He's the owner He shows up and he provides encouragement And then he goes and goofs off with his wacky friends That's what I mean though So let's go through the movie briefly

The bus driver is the first person we see he's wasted on drugs he's drugged out his fucking mind it would be a nightmare

the mailman but we don't see him delivering the mail we see him talking about some high ex bra exactly who else has an

occupation who we see the yoga teacher shows up we see the janitor before the yoga teacher who is not cleaning anything

he's perving on women. The yoga teacher is the one exception to this rule. We don't actually see it, but it's implied. It is implied that he can perform his job. He's the only one I see. We go through everyone else. Okay, so then we're in Kmart for approximately half of the night. No one is doing their job in Kmart.

Except for that old guy who kicks the bus driver out of the bed and then makes him stop doing the poos on the toilet. Oh, no, but he says, he gets on a loudspeaker and says, clean up on aisle six. He's not cleaning. So he's not cleaning. He's passing the buck. Someone else we don't see is doing their job. The guy who actually works at Kmart.

He just stands there going, what? Holy, that's for next episode. We'll get into that catchphrase. The catchphrase. My point being, no one is performing their role. No, you're not wrong. It is flawed. How does this economy work?

No one's contributing anything. This is why America's going down the toilet, Guy, because no one's actually pulling their weight, and everyone's, they're on the teat. They feel entitled. They're all on Hollywood's teat. Listen, we've reached the maximum length of which we promised to do these for. I don't think anyone wants to listen to any more of this.

How are you going, though? How was your week? Just quickly. Look, man, it was all right up until today. You? It's going great. I love this. I can't wait to come back to your house next week,

spend an hour 40 wriggling on a couch next to you, and then complaining into a microphone for 25 minutes after that. This is the worst idea in the world. On that night? The worst idea, no, it's the worst idea in the world but it's also the worst idea ever. Of all time. Of all time. If you want to get in touch with us, do so on Twitter.

My Twitter handle is Tim underscore Bat, B-A-T-T Mine is Guy underscore Mont. And send help. Hey, listen, pray for us. Send help. Send snacks. Send snacks. Just, you know,

just have a great day. Don't watch the movie. We'll do that for you. Don't watch the movie. Can't stress that enough. Please don't watch the movie. Alright, but if you did enjoy it, make sure you subscribe and whatnot. And also, I'm going to be on our friend's podcast, Cheek Tuesday, watching iFrankenstein,

which compared to this is a bloody marvel. Well, I'm going to one-up you. I'm going to be on seven days this week, so watch that on TV3. Oh, now we've both dated this podcast terribly. Oh, wait. Oh, we have. I was going to say, you're also on TV.

Oh, yeah. but I don't know if we want to cross those streams because I feel like the publicity department may have words with you look thanks for listening

bye everyone go do something better with your time lots of love all the best the worst idea of all time podcast