The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Friends 03

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

The boiz are at the beach because it may be NZ Winter, but it’s also NZ sunny today. And to prove we’re in New Zealand, we randomly ran into our friend, Brady - a delightful man who looks strikingly like modern depictions of Jesus carrying a TV. Why? You’ll just have to listen to find out.Find out what Brady looks like by watching the video at twioat.substack.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tim here, if you want to see me in the flesh and you're in New Zealand or Australia, good news. I'm coming to Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney, Auckland and Wellington for the comedy festivals. Please buy some tickets now at timbat.com.com. Welcome to what I'm calling, what we're calling family friends, because we just have the friend zone and then we had family time. And now we have family friends. The next iteration is family friends. Which is either one of the most fun places you can go, or. one of the worst places you can go.

There's no in between. Family friend's house. Yeah. There is no neutral family friend. Tim, I've got to tell you, when you're sitting like this and you've got a leg up. Me? Yes. You're giving me such a fun energy.

A fun energy? Like this. Yeah, I sort of can't. Just like this. It's not actually comfortable, I've realized. But there's something about it which makes you feel so playful to me. One leg aloft. We're at the beach, everyone.

We've decided it's winter here in New Zealand. But today it is sunny in Tamakipa. It's one of those confusing days, which if you saw on camera, you'd think, well, surely it's sweltering. The sky is blue, the sun is burning bright. But if you were experiencing it, you'd think it's warmer than I'm dressed for, because in this woolen sweatshirt, I am sweating. Are you?

I've got a scarf on. It's open style, though, right now. It's straped. There's something about Timbat and a scarf. I stalk a scarf all the time because I lived in Wellington, which meant A, I was cold all the time, and B, a man simply must wear a scarf. Without wanting to taint everyone who wears scarf.

with the same brush. Have you ever earnestly written poetry? Not earnestly. I don't think ever. I have a recollection of doing a gig, though, where I wrote poetry. It was your gig. It was Tom Furness and I ran that gig. At Whammy Bar.

And Zoe said it's the funniest thing she's ever seen me do. You were so funny doing that. And I've never done it again. That's interesting. I've been reading... Also, can you put your hat up so people can see your beautiful baby blues? Is it going to be too much for you? They can enjoy like the sort of one millimeter of the baby blues that I have my eyes open for.

Okay. Oh yeah, because you've got to squint through the same. So what am I doing? Why am I not getting fucked up? Am I in shade? Because you never, yeah, your eyes are shaded. And also you never even knew what it was like to wear a hat. So there's no point of comparison for you.

You don't know what it's like to be a hat guy. I hate that song. I love the Who and I hate that song. Yeah, I had it to until I heard the Limbiscuit version. and then I finally understood what they were trying to say. Not so bad, Pete. Yeah. Pete Townsend, funny man.

Yeah. Got done for, I believe, accessing pretty questionable materials and then said he was like researching a role essentially. There was a man carrying a TV over your left shoulder. What's the story there? Do you know that man? Not at all. No, it looks like Brady, but it looks like Brady.

It looks like your friend Brady. Yeah, but it ain't Brady. Brady, if you want to have a picture in your mind, it looks like Jesus. So imagine this. We're at the beach, and a man who looks like Jesus is just carding in television. Wait, is it Brady? Yeah. Oh, Brady!

Come here! What are you? Are you in a rush? We're recording a podcast. Come here. What are you doing? Yeah, do you want a hand with the TV? Yeah, what are you up to, bro?

Because that weighs like just the water. I don't even know how you were... All right, come on. Come on. This is why you've got to get outside the studio, you know? This is crazy, man. Yeah, do you want to pop it down or is it, is that okay? I feel as though, I'll give you this microphone.

No, no, we'll just share. Brady and I will share. I know, but I just think it's important that the TV's featured on camera because we speculated about you. I thought this was like a student. A student art project or something. That's heavy, right? Oh, guys holding up the TV.

Oh, getting it in shot, very nice. You've got new dad's strength, though. Get that mic right up to you. Walsh day strength. Yeah. Almost 11 month old baby strength. Wow. Almost 12 month old baby strength.

How old is, wait, how old, how heavy? Oh, I don't know. Maybe nine approaching 10 kilos. Hey, Brady, their name's Billy. Guess the gender? Non-binary? Uh, no. Okay.

No, no. Female. You got it. Nice. You got it. Docks in my baby. You feel good docks in my baby? Me?

No, Brady. I'm, I'm, I'm fine. Oh, you're fine, Tim. I'll hold this because I'll hold this one because I'm confident with my mic technique. Why don't Guy and I sit together and you just hold that? Okay. Because we are more used to like. Brady, why don't you give us a little context on you taking this TV for a walk in the sun?

First, what's doxing? Doxing is like releasing public, releasing private information publicly. Okay. So to do Doc someone would be like, I would say Tim's home address on the podcast right now. Okay. I think you read my credit card. number once. Yeah.

You did that on a live stream, potentially. I was trying to do that quite a lot for a while there, yeah. With the CSV as well. Well, that's like, tune in to the next episode. That's a good tease. To get the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get more subscriptions.

But sadly, we didn't make any money from it because all the subscriptions were on Tim's card. It was already maxed out. I need to see the context of TV. Blockhouse Bay, great TVs. Great place to boost TVs from... No, we're actually running a Wananga. for Ta-O-O-Rata for our business

we're just over here in the Blockhouse Bay Boat Club. You're in the boat club today? Yeah, beautiful venue. Yeah. Wonderful. Right on the Moana. So yeah, we're working with a bunch of

O-T-Y-J Kaimahi. O-T-Y-J. O'Ronga-Tamarii-Rew justice. Very good. So this is slang. Yeah. Which I didn't know at first either.

Can you get into a little bit of that for our American listeners? Yeah, what, like what that is? Yeah. So Oranga Tamariki's like social social service agency for children being tamariki trying to support them in their faunao through difficult situations and then youth justice is generally for like rangatahi or teenagers who have found themselves in the criminal court system johnny law it's a big cohabapa you know

it's a big um big thing what these people do so our whole thing's just supporting them nice to support others and we still yeah i mean it's a great it's a great setup it still doesn't offer a huge amount of context relative to the TV. We barely used it. I've carried it back and back and back. So we present slides, you know. I see. By PowerPoint.

Yeah. And yeah, it's really heavy. Christina was like, yeah, we'll bring the TV. I was like, don't please. There's a projector. Yeah, yeah. We could have used that. But we didn't.

And here I am. Here you are. I thought maybe you were showing the kids different speeds at which you could walk publicly with the TV. Well, you here before. when we did a mindful when we did a mindful hiccoy? Did you say,

oh, that's probably good. We get the whole group to walk in silence and like not look at each other. Yeah, look at other people. Oh, wow.

Yeah, it's a great vibe, but it's an onlooker from the outside and it's very faulty. Yeah, yeah, especially with you at the front.

Got like hands behind the back trying to look, you know, like a Zien master. Yeah. Yeah, wait, especially with me at the front.

It's just something about the hair, which feels, the hair and the gate, which is like, this guy's leading people somewhere. Okay, are you doxing me? No. If I was, I would say

more accurately, I'm lightly toasting you. Right. Based on appearance. To dox you would be, again, to sort of publicise private information. So your looks maxing me? Yeah, I suppose. I'm observing how you look and relaying it back to you.

I don't... If anything, you're mogging us right now by jumping in the shot. You're really showing us up. Again, it is... There's too many words now, eh? There's just too many words. I can't keep up. And I work with Rangata here.

It's just like impossible. Yeah, of course. Do you want to do a letter? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to figure out if we've read this. It's like a year old. Okay. Should I take the TV in be on my way?

Can you read this? Sure. You don't have to. It's from someone to you guys? Yeah. Okay. This is crazy. Just as myself?

Yeah. You can do a voice. I don't get me in trouble. Choose carefully. Yeah. Hi, boys. I meant to send this ages ago, as the idea was sparked when I was living near the Kennedy compound on Cape Cod earlier this year. But as is so often the case with dumb, small tasks, it's taken me three months to follow through. Unfortunately, it was RFK Junior's existence that reminded me to hit send.

No, not so far. But at least you'll get a Patrick Schwarzenegger story out of it. Okay, no, this is exciting. Yeah, you're intrigued? Whoa, are you intrigued? Read on? Yeah, read on. Just so you know, Brady,

both guy and I have got a tattoo of Patrick Schwarzenegger on our butts, should we go into that? I presume your listeners know why. I don't. If emails be the song of life, read on. As a child, I vacationed at the same Hawaiian resort, often at the same time as the Schwarzenegger family. Dang.

Notably, it is the resort where they filmed White Lotus Season 1 on Maui. Make of that what you will as to Patrick's actor. process. The main pool has a fountain in the middle with a bench around it, about a foot below the surface. If you were a child between the ages of six to 12 in the pool in those days and your parents were chill, you played King of the Hill on that fountain bench whenever it overflowed for a few minutes every hour. In like parentheses, some advice for children and parents of children. King of the Hill around a visual obstruction is way more fun than any other kind because it involves sneak attacks and forced musical chairs-esque constant movement.

End of parentheses. Anyway, Patrick and his two sisters and me and my two brothers are all close in age and must have made up most of the participants. Despite the fact that our father is a 5 foot 9 inch tax attorney and not a bodybuilder, I remember holding our own. We were particularly proud of this because one time my father was rushing to catch an elevator as the doors were closing and Arnold reached out from inside, pushed the doors open and said, I'll help you, little man.

Not bad. On the fly. Little man. That resonates with me. I assume this was said with humor, but it's still a little obnoxious, given that the elevator doors almost definitely had a motion sensor. Years later, one of Patrick's sisters,

not the one married to Chris Pratt, was a regular at the coffee shop I was working at, and I told her about King of the Hill, and she confirmed that it happened, but then really kept her distance whenever she came in. Is that bad? No, no, that is too enticing for that to be the whole email. I was thinking that.

Lovely stuff. Thank you. I was going to share some other Kennedy family bits and pieces, but this is already too long, and they aren't as directly related to Patrick. No, don't stop now. I will say that I live in the US, but have never seen or heard of a mosh bar outside of your podcast.

All the best you can call me free Palestine. But wait, there's a PS. One last thing, unrelated to P. I think you and the listeners will enjoy this clip of Norm MacDonald and David Letterman for several reasons. It is especially precious to me as it is the first video my parents made us fine for them on YouTube after we explained to them that you could watch old TV clips there. It was a difficult search as they gave us an extremely vague description of the moment. So now I always have it bookmarked.

That's not the PS I was wanting. No. And can you read out the entire URL, please? Oh, wow, we'll never know. Good luck finding it. Yeah. Yeah. That was a great read.

Thank you. That was. And a fascinating... It's interesting, isn't it, the consumption we have with celebrity? Like, it's even for someone to glimpse a young Patrick Schwarzenegger really held me in thrall. I guess I have a personal attachment to him. Or not personal, but a personal investment. I'd say very personal.

You know, I've DM'd with Patrick Schwarzenegger. And he responded. Yeah, yeah. We're in correspondence, P. P. Schwartz and me. Like, consistently, constantly. Or one time? No, it's across multiple instances. Like if I sent him a message, and it wasn't too insane, I think he'd reply.

How did it start? Because we got tattoos of him. And this was before he was famous. And we were on Twitter and we showed him our tattoos. And he was like, what the fuck? This is so weird. And then sort of became, maybe follow me on Twitter, but then was just vaguely aware that we existed. And we were two guys in the world with tattoos of him before.

there was any real reason to have tattoos of Patrick Schwarzenegger. And then as his star rose, Tim and the value of our tattoos skyrocketed, but we didn't sell them off when they were there. Imagine, man. The market crashed. I don't know. Make a wallet out of our hides.

Sell it for the least. Okay. Just to bring you up to speed, Brady. So first season of the podcast, 2014, cast your mind back. Grownups too. We watched it for a year. Patrick Schwarzenegger's in it,

but not very prominently. and he really sticks out on screen. He looks like he shouldn't be there. So we really honed in on him. He got a lot of discussion over the 52 weeks of us watching. And then as a fundraiser to get ourselves to Los Angeles to do the final episode, we said, if you guys kick in enough money for our plane tickets,

we'll get Paddy Schwartz tattoos. And that's how we got them. And the rest is history. Do you think that had an integral part to his meteoric rise to fame? I'd be humble. Yeah. I won't be. No.

Yes. Thank you. That's what I was hoping you'd say. Do you have any tattoos? I do. Are you at work right now? Yeah. Yeah.

Christie's probably like, where the fuck is the guy with the TV? Yeah. You mentioned me you'll get out of hot water, right? Yeah, anytime. I'm in hot water. I just mentioned your name. Yeah, and I'm just Scott free. And you're good to go.

We're actually, Brady and I are cooking up dinner plans, actually. We are. Hey. Well, tonight. You haven't voted. I know. I'm sorry about that. There's a group chat, and there was a poll on what date we should.

should have dinner, but I haven't jumped in yet. Sorry, I hadn't. How many people are in the group chat? You're out of hot water. You just mention your name. You're okay. How many people are in the chat? This is four.

Oh, you're really impeding progress here. That's... I am. We're three are good to go on one date. We're just waiting. What's the date? Is it 29th? 29th.

Oh, 28th? Oh, that actually sounds pretty good. I'm better at the end of the month. All right. Thanks, Brady. Thank you. Yes, I do have to excuse you now. You'll have to get me back on to...

Yeah, yeah. But thanks for having me. Nah, actually, that's rude. Can you tell us about the tattoos? It's rude on our behalf, not yours. To fit the stereotype, I've got a meditating sloth on one calf muscle. I've got a character from where the wild things are on the other calf muscle. I've got a bootleg owed to my mum, who's still alive on my forearm.

And Homer Simpson disappearing into the hedge on my ankle. Wow. Yeah. A lot of leg stuff. A lot of leg stuff. Well, those are the money makers, you know? Yeah, are they? Show them off.

Yeah. You know that. I agree. I mean, my legs of the moneymakers. No, like, for you. Yeah, personally.

I know that about you. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I do. Brady's money makers are the Y-WI. Yes.

Thank you. That's right. Direct your attention downstairs. All right. All right, fellas. Thanks so much for having me. What a wonderful treat. It's been such a pleasure, Brady.

Thank you. Great sight reading too. Yeah. And I'll pop in and confirm my attendance and vote for the dinner. And I'm really looking forward to that, man. What do you say? Is it the 28th? 29th?

Yeah. No, I'm busy. Sorry, guys. Yeah, it would have been so nice. It's damn shame. No, no, I... You can move stuff around. No, no, no, you've worked so hard to make it this far.

See you, Brady. The TV does look heavy. You lifted it up. It's the base. It's all that heavy base. Yeah, yeah. The screen itself probably not too bad. I'm all about that base.

About that base. No treble. Yeah. Is that... Should we wrap it there? It felt like such a cool... Is that not enough? Well, I mean, there's no rule, Tim.

Oh, now we should do more. It's really up to you. It was nice. I lost all sense of time being around Brady. He's such a spiritual figure that time goes out of window. It was sort of, do you know, I mean, not to rehash too much stuff in this podcast, but I was telling a memory starring you recently, you know, there was a funny moment where you're being like, no, that's not Brady.

But it looks like Brady, but it's not Brady. And then it was Brady. And it reminds me of, like this to me is fucking top tier all time. Tim Bat. And this is actually the same trip when we first went to Los Angeles. So it's 2014. We've got a little bit of heat on the podcast. We're being interviewed by a journalist, a guy called Kenneth Arthur, for the AV Club.

And we sat down in a cafe. I can't remember where. Los Felas. Los Felas. There you go. And we're in the interview and we're sort of, you know, we're mid-flow. And, I mean, like, I couldn't recount the details of the interview, save for this one portion, which is, you know, You're articulating, like, I suppose Kenneth is pressing us on the New Zealandness of the podcast

and how he thinks that might stand out against Americans. And you're saying, well, Americans, New Zealand, we're very laid back. And I do think that's why celebrities love visiting New Zealand because we just let them get on with their business. We keep ourselves to ourselves. And they're free to come and go as they please without, you know, the interruptions they might. Holy shit. Is that key for Sutherland?

And you stand up without a trace of irony or comedy, run to the door of the cafe outside to try and spot and presumably interact with Keepa Sutherland. With Jack Bauer because he poked his head in and then left immediately and I had to get a photo I really like that, you know, we're rolling up to 40 now and we've got like proper anecdotes that get wheeled out. Oh, do you like that? I do. I do actually.

We have a tranche of recorded conversation. It is like, do you think of, what do you think of, you know, you know, you know. when you die what do you think of your boys tuning in what a morbid thought i don't think they will and i don't think they should oh maybe they will actually what if you what if you you know what if your dad left behind 15 years of broadcasting and then pass for whatever reason of after a full and fulfilling life of old age and you think you know because i i the more i talk to my dad and hear stories the more i'm like man i really haven't interrogated you about like the totality of your experience and what it was for you to be young and how you how you you know how you

you became the man you are and what helped form these you know especially because dudes in particular i think you know keep a lot of stuff close to their chest but then when they get later in life i remember having like i wish i'd recorded all of them and i recorded like a couple of them but conversations with my paternal grandfather is he was you know on the way and he started talking about stuff that he never talks about and it was like wow these are incredible stories his military service and stuff. Keep it all in the crypt. Yeah, I think he was involved with some operations, which weren't great.

But, I mean, would you not listen to, you know, 50? Yeah, yeah. No, I've thought about that often, actually, because, like, specifically the recording of a loved one's voice, it'd be so nice to have. That was the basis for this amazing documentary about one of New Zealand's most influential Australasia's most formative comedians, John Clark and his daughter, Lauren Clark, recorded for no for not for distribution just for the the love of it recorded conversations they had as he was aging and then uh after he passed not sort of totally you know like he was not all the

way healthy but it wasn't all the way sick uh she molded it into this beautiful documentary and i was like wow what a cool thing to do to record those conversations and is that fred dag and other characters yeah yeah not only uh fried dag but also john clark sorry i watched it on a plane and as ever I'm very vulnerable to all sorts of films on a plane because it's the liminal space you're unmoored from the land

and I think this is why Wi-Fi shouldn't be allowed on planes I just think that you know I don't want to get on this by Brady but the exhausting connectivity we need to have siloed spaces and the plane was one of the last remaining ones do you think you would experience the same

emotional vulnerability when exposed to cinema on the high seas or is it something about the altitude Dude. Is there something in the air up there? There's something in the air up there. It's being disconnected from not just... Like, it's being disconnected from the globe. If you're on the high seas, you're still connected to the globe.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not as tethered as being on Terraforma, though. No, no, no. It's not. You're going to read one more. These are from like a year ago. So it really does feel like we would have got to them by now. I would have remembered the Paddy Schwartz one, I think. You're right. You're right. Maximum Bat, as you asked to be called. Henceforth in episode three of We Are Your Friends season and Guy Montgomery, as Stephen and Charlotte asked you to be called henceforth.

We've had this. Time. Like incredibly recently. Very good. Because it is one of the most thorough, informational and fascinating pieces of correspondence that I've ever encountered. Shout out to my memory. You got that so quick.

Hello boys. I sent a message the other day saying I enjoyed hearing your pain and when it was red out in the cold light of day. It felt pretty cruel. You guys are great. And you are masters of being funny and a little mean without crossing a line. I'm still learning the skill. I'm sorry.

You know what? I think that's an astute observation. I think that is like that's where, that's the comedy of friendship. Yeah. As being mean without crossing a line. And if you can communicate that to an audience, it's like then you've caught the lightning of, you know, I think how most people interact in a bottle. 100%.

I love it. It's like the basis of spelling bee. It's like, how mean can I be without actually upsetting someone? Yeah. It's a recipe for success. In recompense, I read a fascinating article about VPNs that Tim shared, and unrelated was delighted and proud to see Guy win the Logies. I also greatly enjoyed hearing the collision.

Collision, I think that word is, of my main podcasting worlds. That was Guardian Football Weekly host Max Rushden and Guy and David O. David Odochty. Yeah. Saw her in Brisbane. Recently. Great show. Yeah, like I saw her a show.

show. Yeah, yeah. So good. On WDYDY, what is that? What did you do yesterday? Yes, it is. Correct. That was a test.

Would love if Tim did net, but I'm not sure how all that showbiz works, your libertarian, S.B. SB. S. S.B. Thank you, S.B. Thank you, S.B. I also enjoy, I listen to a lot of Guardian Football Weekly during the FIFA World Cup, brought to you by FIFA. It is

FIFA's crazy I know so little about them but like tonally by osmosis They seem to be true gangsters Yeah In the world that we live Have you watched I threw a headline recently

That they like attempted to sell the entire organisation to a consortium Featuring one of Donald Trump's sons That is correct That's so cool Yeah It's cool that there's real supervillains now We've made movies about them for ages

Gianni Infantino The leader of FIFA Who is like one of the the most, he looks like a melting gargoyle. Jesus. He is like one of... That's not why he's a bad guy. No, it's not.

But he's like corrupt to the point that I don't feel poorly for bullying his appearance. Okay. But he, yeah, he's like all the way. And he gave, he invented the inaugural FIFA World Peace Award and gave him to Trump. So good. He's like A plus grade corrupt. Have they given another one of those away? Or is it not time yet?

I don't think it's not. an annual honour. But he, when he did, when they did, so there was a lot of uproar when FIFA took the World Cup to Qatar and like, because of the sheer amount of bodies that Qatar threw at building stadiums to host

the tournament. It's not funny, ha-ha, it's funny, shocking to the war. Like, FIFA was copping so much that Gianni had to come out and make some sort of statement, which is like incredibly unusual. Like, usually it's just ignore, deflect, ignore.

And the approach he took to addressing this, I can't get the speech verbatim. But as he gives a press conference about like, you know, the, I guess, Qatar's human rights records and the treatment of the LGBTQ plus and, you know, like the slaves basically who died in building the stadiums and the infrastructure to host a tournament. And he hosts his press conference. And at the start of it, he just comes, he sits down and he goes, Today I feel gay.

Today I feel black. today I feel disabled and it's like trying to like I suppose encompass the idea that people are a home to everyone but it is honestly one of the single best videos you can find on the internet

look up Gianni Infantino today I feel gay and just treat yourself there's a man crossing lines all over the place far out well I know it's a compact episode but we're going to call it there and here's the reason why nothing's going to beat that. That's too good. Yeah, this is actually a two-parter.

So if you're watching this on our substack, you can see the reverse angle next week. Yeah, that's sort of what's going to happen. All right, bye, everybody.