The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Time 10

Episode Date: June 30, 2024

Battling through some very dodgy audio, Tim and Guy pop open the perpetual time capsule that is the TWIOAT mailbag. The episode becomes a bit of a time capsule itself, with potential ideas for the future of TWIOAT around every corner. The Twilight series? An unauthorized Cats sequel? An Andy Batt spinoff series? And, of course, what’s to be done about the approaching storm that is Rob Schneider’s tour of New Zealand? Check back in a year to tell us whether we actually followed through on any of this stuff.Thank you to the foster brothers Danny, Jake and Colleen for sending in CATS 2, which you can check out here.For video episodes, and to get episodes early, check out our Substack! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everybody it's Tim here. We got a new little podcast recorder box and it has resulted in the audio being fucked for this episode so we're putting this episode out from the camera audio which is terrible. Feel free to skip this one if you want if you're not hyper sensitive to audio quality like I am maybe you'll be fine otherwise, feel free to skip this one. Sorry about that. And we will try and get this fixed up for the future. Goodbye. Bye. It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time

What's up, Ma? Hey man, how you going? Yeah, doing pretty nice, doing alright. I like this, you can't see it on camera, or hear it in your headphones, or perhaps you listen to this out of your phone speaker your laptop speakers or a Bluetooth stereo you're telling us a lot of things we can't do but I like the vibe you've got today what I'm describing I'm previously a visual description oh yeah gotcha gotcha so I was speculating as to how this is being listened to before saying I like the vibe you've got today I I like barefoot Timbo.

Oh, barefoot Timbo. Well, yeah, I'm in the house. I know, but even in the house, I think socks are common. Yeah? Like, I think summer, barefoot. Barefoot in summer makes sense. Yeah. When I'm at home at the moment, I suppose I'm dressed I'm barefoot aren't I yeah

dude well I don't know you wear socks to bed no because I think your feet get too hot yeah socks in bed I used to like when I was a like teenager I think I used to like the idea of socks in bed I get my extremities get cold I do get cold toes yeah um but now i i find it to be a big no-no yeah i don't like it it's no good but so i'm i'm supposed to be a little bit cold in bed no you're not yeah it helps you sleep no yeah yeah i like the room to be cold i think in bed you're not meant to be a little bit cold the room can be cold i don't think you mean in you're in bed yeah it's like one of the coziest places in the world i mean you don't want to be too hot. You don't want to be like... Of course you don't want to be too...

You don't want to be too anything. You don't want to put socks on your feet. I agree. To get a good sleep. I agree with that. You've got to bring that tent down. So, but here I am. I'm in your house.

I've got shoes off. I'm wearing socks. You're in your house. We're both dressed. No socks. And I like the vibe. I think because you've got this lovely carpet in the studio, you can afford to go barefoot.

You speak quite, it's concrete under here. Yeah. You remember when all of this was concrete? I do. Look upon this, son. It still is. This, well, outside it is. How are you feeling about the barefoot situation?

Did you think about it at all? Not at all. Not for a split second i wear shoes inside too much i'm either probably shoes or barefoot but very rarely so wow sucks once in a while but i'm like i'm like you know barefoot's what it's like i'm socks indoors i'm not um being the googs obviously no spectrum of things no he was on 7 days the other night good on him

that's what I say too I say bloody good on him yeah well good on 7 days actually Ben's been doing that the whole time his comedy yeah

being awesome at being funny one of the things he does I um I could have watched it 7 days is the New Zealand TV show for everyone listening

yeah every now and then every now and then you go'm chanting to Guy, but it is on the podcast. It's a legacy show. It's been around. Before I did comedy, I remember watching. This is hubris, but I remember watching Seven Days on TV. One day I will crush it with a game show of my own. Not even thinking that.

Thinking, I tell you who'd be good on that show. Tim Batt. Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery. Just genuinely thinking i could do that yeah yeah and you were right i guess eventually at the time i wasn't that's true yeah that's a good point people do miss that bit yeah whereas like i could do that it's like yeah most people could if you if you practice but i mean it's incredible it's been going so long. I've been doing comedy, I think, 12 years now, and it predates that.

So it must be going for almost 15 years, I'd say, some days. Hey, you're a fan of words. I love them. In fact, I've been using them this whole time. Stick with it-ness? Yeah. I like that. Is that one word?

That is a great question. I think with it this is one word no it must know it must all be one it must be just hyphenated right but is it like legit is that or is it just something I think I do not recently and I was like oh it's so I like it so much I'm looking at it with fitness like is an adjective stick with it this stick to itiveness oh wow is that is dogged perseverance what is that stick stick to itiveness stick to itiveness isn't as nice to say i think stick with itness and then yeah so google accepts stick with itness they don't suggest

did you mean stick to itiveness but then all of the online dictionaries are telling me it's stick to it-iveness which is stick hyphen to hyphen it-iveness what do you prefer?

stick with it-ness yeah it's nicer to say it like that isn't it? stick with it ness that's what Scottish people say when the Loch Ness Monster

is like I don't even feel like people are noticing I'm out here. And they're like, stick with it, Ness. How big is that lock? Big enough for a mythical being. Big enough for the mystery to continue?

It's one of these things, isn't it? We could take the fun away. I'm sure that mythbusters could go there and say that this is an empty lock. But what is the value of that? We can remove all mythology. I am am surprised and i might be wrong quite a blanket statement go on that there's not been a podcast about the bermuda triangle that is a good point that and quicksand were like the two conversational pieces when we were 12 yeah what what happened there did they fix it did they sort out whatever was going on there it's a lovely like the whole thing i i mean it's still

very soft focus my knowledge of but just the whole idea there's this what this triangle in the bermuda ocean yeah whereby i don't even know exactly where it is ships and planes man let's say let's let's just fucking throw some darts on the board and say it's you know three kilometers on the map where just a lot of ships would go down and we'll never see nor hear from again yeah and people were like there's something going on here yeah probably tricky waters where is the mariana trench oh good question don't know is it the pacific ocean i'll tell you where the marinara trenches it's where i dig out a big hole in my spaghetti to fill up with salt in my head literally like an infomercial for an italian restaurant started playing when you said it like some music popped

up and everything yeah well i there's just i just think um i don't know how big the lock is, the lock nest that is. But I just think there is the opportunity now. You know, people are obsessed with debunking Bigfoot and stuff. Are they? Is that a thing now? Well, I just think just let this stuff, let it live. We need it. We need it at the moment.

Let's not put a magnifying glass on everything. Fuck yeah. Sasquatch, let him hang about. Yeah. For God's sake we need something and someone some fun uncle with the spirit

of playing them needs to you know spend a lot of money on high-end prosthetics or costume do we get to the bottom of that famous

Sasquatch footage like in fact I think I saw something on YouTube where a guy was like it was me and it's like

but I don't know if that was like a guy was like, it was me. But I don't know if that was like, if he could prove it. That was so... Do you remember the alien autopsy video from the 90s? No. Oh, that was like, that is seared into my brain.

Yeah. Iconic footage. Where'd you see it? I think originally it must have been on something a little darker than Unsolved Mysteries. TV. iconic footage where'd you see it i think originally it must have been on um something a little darker than unsolved mysteries i can't even think of where i would have said well this is way before the internet yeah and way before i mean this is videos being spread on the internet so it must have been television but i just don't know who would have like shit it would have been

very late at night there was a whole probably still is i'm not watching a lot of tv at the moment nor have i for a while they're still making it yeah this is a genre of like late night weird tv it was before everything got a bit pornographic and it was just like and it was before i think true crime had been as a proper genre just like you know it was like unsolved mysteries yeah um maybe maybe like knock off america's most wanted you know do this weird late night tv zone when i was a kid do you use uh i know we've got the same smart tv do you use the smart the channels on the smart tv as an old form of consuming television? Nah. Do you ever get to just surf it? I don't understand

what they're doing. Every now and then the TV turns on to one of those. Because they're like, this one you'll like. You're supposed to be a painting, bro. That's the whole reason

I had an argument with my wife about how much you cost. And then every now and then it's like, surprise, I'm not a painting, I'm the cooking channel

from Bulgaria. It's like, I'm channel 685. i can understand your frustration but you've got to look at that as an opportunity yeah because the challenge with tv now is obviously there's more pressure on every choice you make because you're in charge of what you're watching yeah that incidental nature of just turning it on and you're watching bulgarian cooking and you think tripping over some content yeah this is and that you know those shows it's a very clunky version of doing like the algorithm on tech which is like every now and then i'm going to turn the tv on and select the channel for you

there's magic there yeah if you've got the time for it i would love to have a bit more time to just like yeah if the tv decides that i'm watching bulgarian cooking today i'll indulge i got to enjoy the twilight movies because i was in a hotel after a show one night and just turned on the hotel tv and what'd you make of them i i couldn't believe that they're the they were spectacular they are of genuine fascination for like all the right reasons you know in in our historic wheelhouse this is i found this out after the fact but twilight would be ripe for analysis because the way that they are filmed i think contra points returned to it recently there's like a hyper reality to it and it's all it just feels

like it exists it exists in a parallel i know that it's fantasy so it does exist in a parallel universe but like the production qualities of it exist in a parallel universe of film almost right it's a really they're really it's it's not a big it doesn't look blockbuster the whole way through yeah a bit like it's not quite cooked in the middle what yeah it does a bit and it but you know i think what's fascinating is the size of the cultural phenomenon in the face of or, you know, working in tandem with or because of the way that they were filmed. And everyone was kind of relative unknowns at that time, right?

Initially, yeah. Like Taylor Lautner and Christian Stewart. Christian Stewart and who was the other boy? Oh, Robert Pattinson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. who's the other boy oh Robert Pattinson yeah

yeah and yeah I remember Trump did a funny tweet about how Robert Pattinson needs to dump Christensen Stewart

just you know yeah it's fun to remember it's funny isn't it you can see what happens to old people yeah because you know

you've accrued a lifetime of happenstances every now and then you want to pluck one off the shelf and go look at that and you remember how things now and then you want to pluck one off the shelf and go, look at that. And you remember how things were, and you think, I didn't have all the problems I have now then,

so I'm just going to remember that detail. Instead of dealing with the world as it is, I'm just going to recall. I get it. We would all like to do that, but we must. Must we? We must. Well, do you know what we must. Must we? We must. Well, do you know what we should do is deal with some recent history,

which are emails and Facebook messages that are probably a year and a half old. That's a fun time to reminisce to. A year and a half ago? Yeah, what were you up to a year and a half ago? I'm talking about the start of 2023. I have no idea. I've never been good with mapping, you know, mapping out timelines and stuff,

but last year, I don't know, man. What were you doing? I can't remember. Honestly, I think maybe I was in Arrowtown.

Did I go to Melbourne last year? Yeah, you did. I did a show. Oh, so I would have been coming off the back of the comedy festival. No, but it was a year

and a half ago, so this is before those comedy festivals. Oh, who's to say? Probably given the shows, really. I went to a wedding on Waiheke Island. I'm looking it up. That's so cool.

I had some good times. I've no doubt. Cheese Factory follow-up. I've got a feeling we've read this one, but I'm going to give it a crack. Any time we can get into the Cheese Factory. Cheesecake Factory. Hello, boys.

I like it. First of all, this is, you know, very old. Okay. A year plus. Okay. One month. So Tim's getting his show. Tim's just come off the back of the Comedy Festival.

Just so everyone has context for where Tim was at, when the email was sent. Well, it's May the 9th, so I was actually in the thick of it. Well, you finished Melbourne. Yeah. So Tim's back home. He's had a good time in Melbourne. I think by the end of it well you finished Melbourne yeah so Tim's back home he's had a good time in Melbourne I think by the end

of it last year you were ready to come home I think okay from what I remember talking to you you were like

I'm excited I remember I was with you on your last day and we watched Hobbs and Shaw in the upstairs attic space

which was the bedroom space of your Airbnb this is a nice memory. Oh yeah, I remember that Airbnb. And we watched it, and we were sort of reflecting on it, and it was your first time since having Remy being away,

and you said, you know, it's been fun, and it's nice to do this again, but I'm ready to go home. This is my limit for being away. And I think I was there for about 10 days or something. So that's where Tim was at. That Airbnb was so funny. So I had to go to bed,

I had to negotiate this really crazy staircase. So you've done all of that, and now you're back home, and it's nice, and you're doing NZ Comedy Festival, and in the meantime, someone's writing an email. Hello boys.

First of all, I'm going to make the text bigger. I think I need glasses. First of all, I wanted to mention that the podcast has provided me with hours of entertainment over the years. Shout out to us. It's been a gateway for me finding some New Zealand comedy. Taskmaster New Zealand, Guy Montz Spelling Bee, etc. And as an American that does not get to experience any good panel shows, it's been a welcome addition to my life.

You said it, brother. I just wanted to follow up about the Cheesecake Factory after listening to that episode because all I could think about was an article I read a few years ago about how NBA players and pro athletes in general love the Cheesecake Factory because it's a chain in almost every major

American city, has an absurdly large menu and is pretty consistent I don't know if this was the one but tons of them pop up if you search it, oh articles I guess thanks again for all you both do, best Nelson, thanks Nelson

I believe that, I think in my experience of driving across America with Ken from New York to angeles it was uh simultaneously it was it was kind of mostly sad to be honest because in our heads i think the vision was a lot of roadside diners yep um you know as as uh middle america or small town america is represented on on television movies, which is, yeah. And we're not expecting the fare at these truck stop diners to be especially high end.

But I like the idea of the independence of them, the mom and pop nature of some of them. You are funneled onto huge expressways to travel across America. funneled onto huge expressways to travel across America and basically every I don't know a hundred miles or whatever that the food stops it's they are demarked by you know huge poles pointing into the sky with lit up neon signs for Burger King, Starbucks like it's all it's exclusively chains right and so it's hard and then you do form a relationship to these chains be like well i know the nutritional quality i know what i can get here i know that this meets the standards of what i'm looking for yeah and so the idea of a cheesecake factory which you're not

seeing just off of the motorway you'd have to go into the towns probably to find that i i can see the appeal for people who are traveling a lot, athletes, and they're like, I just want to know what I'm going to get. I get it. And, you know, it sounds like it's a reputable chain. I mean, here's the article that's been pulled up. Oh, it's from firstwefeast.com, which I think those are the hot ones, guys. We may. Interesting stuff.

I know this is old news now. Did you watch Conan O'Brien on Hot Ones? I did. Did you think that was just some of the best stuff you've ever seen? Yeah, it was pretty cold. I was just blown away. He's, um... I hope...

I hope, uh... I was going to say something really awful. I was going to say, I hope he dies soon. So we can just have trapped in ember what he's made so far. I don't want any opportunity for him to get his character to fall off his legacy is secure

and he's one of those dudes there's so few of them, every time he pops up online there'll just be like all these comments from people who are like oh yeah I interned on the show 30 years ago and he was the nicest guy he is recognised for the Simpsons Golden Years

that's part of his legacy yeah sort of carrying the torch of the irreverence of Letterman as a late night talk show host

creating a totally unique environment for hijinks and fun yeah I suppose you know through that

there's also the Tonight Show debacle but that's oh that's awesome as well that's such a high cultural warm up

and then podcasting he helped he came up with the idea for Serial I don't know if you remember that and then he saw that take off and launched

his own podcast and then of course the travel show I think he's a rare instance where he is still bolstering his legacy

as time moves on I think time's going to be very kind and it's about time someone mentioned Conan because I feel like he gets forgotten, you know, in the lists

and people are in conversation about great comedians. You know, no one ever mentions Conan O'Brien. So thank God, guys, he was an encyclopedic knowledge at least that no one hears.

I have heard tell that his travel show is fantastic. I'm sure it will be. He goes to fans' houses who don't know he's coming. He finds fans from around the world and shows up at their house in Norway. And he's like, hey, I'm Conan O'Brien. Isn't that good? It's good.

So this is through PayPal. Huge. It's money. Shout out to Peter Thiel. Massive. He's one of our OGs. Peter Thiel is one of my ride or dies. He's my emergency contact.

Let's go because he is a New Zealand citizen. Tim. Hi. This is not from Peter Thiel, by the way. This is through Peter Thiel. This is from Michael. Tim Guy, I've no time for niceties or frivolities. Well, you've got time for tautologies.

Get his ass. The message I must deliver is so important that I opened a parcel on 20 units of American Fliff to ensure it gets delivered. Please Google, Finance Buzz Fast and Furious. Dom Speed Boys love MJP. So he wants us to... Get off and away.

This is the one bad thing about these low-profile mic arms. This makes this particular thing tricky. Finance Buzzprofile mic arms. This makes everything tricky. Finance, buzz, fast and furious. Now, when we come to matters like this, Tim, I feel like you are the access way for me to understand information. I see. Money start. Oh, there you go.

We know this. This was, you can earn $1,000 to burn doors. Oh, yeah. We know about this. The link is pink, which means it's red. The link is to pink. Thank you very much, Michael, for the money. Really appreciate that.

Now, this one says urgent. Can I? Okay. That's bad. Because it came down a year ago. Well, it's never too late to deal with an urgent email. How many unread emails do you have in your inbox with the word urgent in them? Oh, well, they're all in spam. urgent email. How many unread emails do you have in your inbox with the word urgent in them? Ah,

well, they're all in spam. I think if you put urgent in the subject line, it'll just go in my spam. Yeah. So probably a lot. I woke up this morning. I did a thing this morning.

I woke up early. Yeah. And just did all my emails before like seven. You know, which is, it should be illegal really. What do you mean

you did all of them? Well, like there's all these pressing emails and when I was going to bed last night, I was like, I just, like, you know, I'm not it should be illegal, really. What do you mean you did all of them? Well, like, there's all these pressing emails. When I was going to bed last night, I was like, I just, like, you know, I'm not going to deal with them tonight. This is my night time. I started a new book, actually. Really.

It's called Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. It's really. It's about when Guy's going to get to all those emails. My man. Now, this is why we're friends. And so, I got up early and I set them all. And I'm thinking, fucking awesome. You know, God, it feels good to just, when I left the house this morning, I was like, I've got no emails.

Then the responses come flooding in. And I'm thinking, what are you people? You know, I've done this. I did this. This is part of the day's fucking finish. Are you kidding me? What am I, an American? Get out of here. Do you want to read this? It's crazy isn't it? To be frustrated by a reply. It's got your favorite word in it. Urgent. Ineffable. Oh, that is a good word. Do you want to read it? Yes. Okay. The bold and ineffable which is what stuck out. Fan of cats.

that Inifable, which is what stuck out. Fan of cats. Oh, this is honestly the formatting, the heading. Talk us through it. Okay. Not sun and sunglasses, but like sun, sort of like clip art style sun emoji. Bright, shining, golden sun.

Cats too, colon, urgent, bright sun emoji. Dearest Mungai Jerry and Rumpel Timzer. Rumpel Timzer. Did you hear, did you hear? Have you heard? There was a sequel made to the ineffable production of Cats. Of course you haven't. I'm only just now telling you about it.

Anyway, my friends and I made Cats 2, and we figured you'd want to know, given your unique relationship to the 2019 film. What you choose to do with this information is entirely up to you. Cats 2 is an hour-long journey with claymation, all sorts of puppets, top-notch digital effects.

I was going to say non-stop, but it's not non-stop. It's top-notch digital effects and, of course, more great songs about more great cats. The plot is hard to follow? Maybe. But so is the first one, right?

It's art! Please watch it once a week for a year and send me your written correspondence with what you thought about it. I know I said earlier that what you choose to do is up to you, but I've changed my mind. I like that. You can find the full movie at https://cats2.art or follow us at cats2unauthorized with a Z on Instagram. All right, we better go to this.

Love you, boys. The Fast Furious Canada has been a treat. Keep up the amazing work and be good toodle pip the Foster Brothers Danny that's me

Jake and Colleen so this is over a year ago yeah I mean what first what's our entry point here Tim I'm just gonna

I can't help myself I better click on this website and see what lies beyond I'm gonna go to the I can't help myself. I've got to click on this website and see what lies beyond. I'm going to go to the Instagram. Cats2.art. All right. All right.

We've got Times New Roman, all lowercase. Welcome to Cats2 Online. Greeting me on the homepage. I actually really like this. I think all websites should look like this. Simple. Keep it simple. Keep it clean.

A lot of white space yeah it's appealing it's just like there's nothing on that doesn't need to be there we've got a hand drawn um picture of some cats with a moon and a red curtain behind them and then the movie embedded because it's on you you can watch it on youtube do you know i'm really hoping because the last post on instagram their last post was on the 8th of October, 2023. Yeah. I'm hoping through

this discovery of the email, Yep. to give them a second wind. Yeah. A motivational bump. Well, I'll tell you this, it's had 1,700 views

on YouTube. Not nothing. So far. They did a screening in Athens, Georgia last October. Hell yeah. um they did a screening in athens georgia last october yes please all right i actually think we should do something like this this is pretty cool

Guys, transfect. So far, we've got some pant size that have been superimposed on a velvet red curtain, like a big stage curtain. I just want to see the first bit of action. Oh. Oh. Yo, this actually looks fucking excellent. We know that a cat is a cat. Okay, I'm stopping right there

we are going to watch that that's really good should we do a watch along with this? a watch along? yep yeah sure let's do it let's do it

if we've got your permission Foster Brothers Danny, Jake and Colin do you reckon they're really brothers? that'd be so cool just a bunch of siblings making awesome sequels to cats. Yeah, I'm not sure. It's hard to say because Jake Jones was the YouTube account.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Confusing. We'll get to the bottom of this. It looks exciting. I'm sure, and look, I say this with love and respect. Yeah. There'll be parts of the hour-long run time of Cats 2 which feel challenging. But is that not

true for Tom Hooper's Cats 1? Dog, that's art. That's movies. With the possible exception of June 2, I was riveted. Were you? Start to finish. Christopher writes, Dear Tim, I'm a relatively new listener to Twioware, which I...

You like that? I really enjoy the fact that there's no guy on here. Oh, I see. For whatever reason. Which I came... What do you want to say? Well, let's just ignore it. If it's not for both of us, why don't you read this on your own time?

A way of your and Guy's work. Okay. Question mark. Interesting. What, Guy's what? Why am I in question? I'm here. I think the question mark is to work rather than to Guy,

but I can't say definitively. I'm a huge part of our conversations. Sometimes half. Sometimes more. Sometimes a lot more. Sometimes less. Huh? Sometimes less.

No, I mean it in a good way. I didn't mean by volume. I meant by like worthwhile contribution. I talk loud. I talk quiet. I've got range. I meant the quality, not the quantity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The most recent season where y'all watch the... Oh, they're fucking gone. The Fast and Furious franchise is my first full season listening through. I've been sorry I've just finished the episode with your dad and it was an utter delight can I say something I would love for you to we forgot to get

Steven on yeah well we still will we want to go to that project that season can we get Steven on for the thing we we want to do it with that project that season can we get Stephen on for the next for the thing we're going to do next

oh yeah we can do that for like a whole if he wants if he wants to he might like to he I'm imagining a world

this is probably just a beer more than a podcast go on just our dads not us we should like set up an important meeting we should both set up an important trip with our dads andy and stephen have been they've only met i think a couple times briefly sort of a comedy show today yeah they get on well they get on well um listening to you and Guy together

and Andy's good humour and dad vibes sprinkled readily throughout made for one of my favourite shows thus far I don't know if your dad has a

show of his own but if not you should consider it he absolutely will not be doing that but that's very kind I'd be the first person to

tune in barring that please invite him back on twilight it was delightful thanks for the last warmly chris

that's so nice huge shout out and the subject line is more andy back please that's so nice i reckon he

wrote that that screams of andy or as we call him dad dad i might be

the last one okay oh actually i'm just looking at that timer maybe it's not I went I went on a

furious seven press junket and it was unhinged I'm speaking in character as the author of this email thank you you've got to give me

some warning we've missed a bit I just remembered okay kia ora boys kia ora to you Alana Alana long time, albeit somewhat sporadic listener, based in Berlin but from NZ originally. Cool. I was thrilled to hear of your latest

endeavour with the Fast franchise as I too have suckled at the teat of Universal Studios. In fact, the Fast franchise basically paid my bills for about three years in my 20s. In the mid-2010s, I was an entertainment writer for a now defunct website best described as a shit BuzzFeed. Cool. I wrote about a lot of... There's a little lazy gag in there for anyone interested. What? I think you can just call it buzz. Nice.

You just kick that door closed. The dog opened it. It's chilly. Kick it with my arm. By the way, Tribe Called Quest. Yeah, I can kick it. Oh, nice. Some days you're just on. Some days you're just feeling it. Jeez. I wrote about a lot of movies and TV shows, but the Fast franchise was one of my main beats. Journalistic beats. Look at our finance guy. Crime.

This guy's following local politics. Fast and Furious. That's Alana. To be fair, Fast and Furious does encompass all three of the beats that you described before. Very good point. Yeah, you've got infrastructure as well. Sort of international relations. Okay, after the release of Furious 7.

Now, Tim, I'm going to set you a challenge. Fuck, I know what's coming. Yeah, go on. Tell me the plot of furious seven just like three sentences a bit uh um in fast and furious seven we are dealing with the villain in the form of jason statham i i can't tell you how a lot like that how non-answer that pre... You know, that is like a politician on the dance. I'm against it.

I can't remember either. I just know because of the next sentence that they go to Abu Dhabi. Oh, right. Oh, okay, gotcha. That one. Can't remember the surrounding details. Yeah, so the opening of that is Statham's brother in the hospital, isn't it? Couldn't tell you.

Anyway, after the release of Furious 7, I got to go on a press junket for the film and was flown to Abu Dhabi, which, as you all know, was featured in the film for all of 10 minutes. It's important to note this junket was not for the release of the film. Well, I was just going to mention as well, it was the location of another fantastic film. That's right. It was specifically for the DVD and Blu-ray release. Sex and City 2.

I even have the special edition cap to prove it. Cool. So a special edition cap to celebrate the Blu-ray and DVD release. The physical release of the film. Of US7. Universal flew around 40 of us to the United Arab Emirates, and we stayed in the fancy hotel that's actually one of the buildings Ben and Brian drive through in that building

jump scene when they steal the God's Eye. They sent us to Ferrari World and took us to a racetrack where they taught us how to both drift and drag race. We were also gets of honor at a very fancy Emirati dinner complete with camels, falcons, traditional Emirati sword dancers and coffee that was served with gold flakes on top. The main event was interviewing Tyrese Gibson aka Roman which was frankly quite unhinged. Halfway through the interview, halfway through the interview day sorry, halfway through the interview halfway through the interview day sorry halfway through the interview day the Universal team

actually had to fire the locally hired sound team because it turns out they just weren't recording half of the interviews it was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life

our offers normally never normally got perks or offers like this for comparison the second biggest perk of that job was going to a free screening of the

boss baby okay yeah there's been plenty more fast and furious related events in my life including just how many articles i've read about vin diesel paying homage to his brother pablo r.i.p paul but not as fully cooked as my trip to abu dhabi on the universal studios dime wow if you're looking for any podcast guests while you re-watch Furio7 who might have niche knowledge of the elaborate Blu-ray release press junket, please let me know. There's plenty more details of the trip I can't fit in this email.

I even watched the movie in German once because I'm Berlin-based and the only press screening was the German dub version. Certainly an experience. Anyway, thanks for your service. I'm loving this season. Alana, written on the 20th of May, 2020. loving this season Alana written on the

20th of May 2020 wow thanks Alana that does sound fun the um you always seem sus on it

it feels to me like one of those things where someone's courting someone either universal actively courting the UAE

or vice versa you are a pawn in the game 100% there's some larger forces at play here but I mean if I can help we all exactly the UAE or vice versa. You are a pawn in the game. 100%. There's some larger forces at play here. But I mean, if I can help you all, why not go see a fountain show? Previously, the best you got was a screening

of The Boss Baby. It's like, I have nothing but respect. This is the difficult thing about, what is it? No ethical consumption inside of capitalism or whatever. At some point, you've got to go to a Falcon show. If someone's offering you. I think it'd be cool.

It's all. Gold flakes and coffee. Yeah. I don't want to see how that sausage is made. One time in my life. I'd love to have some gold flakes in my coffee. It's within reason. At the end of the day, you go to bed with yourself.

You have to stand on your values and you know how you feel about your place in the world and your contributions. And I think I'd sleep. Sounds like an action-packed day. I'd sleep really easy. I imagine that the bed that you're in is very large. Very well air-conditioned room. I imagine you probably came back from that press junket feeling not like you came back from a work trip, but from a holiday. Hopefully.

By the way, this episode is brought to you by the United Arab Emirates. A place you should visit. Absolutely. Abu Dhabi do. They're doing lots of sports stuff at the moment. Like huffing money into what are they, golf?

They started an alternative for PGA or something? Saudi Arabia. Oh right. They are pumping, they are flooding their money into everything. The new Bad Boys film.

Yeah. Their red carpet, the premiere was in Saudi Arabia. Man, speaking of porn, I cannot think of a man who is more,

just like, utterly controlled by money than Will Smith. Dude, I actually, so, I re-watched a man who is more just like utterly controlled by money than will smith dude i actually so i i re-watched the slap like just a minute oh yeah just the broadcast uh i needed it like the and it was it was crap like it was it's you genuinely if you watch it again you're watching someone have a mental breakdown yeah like the way he walks after saving chris rock the way he he sort of mean mugs his way back to his seat as

though he's just absolutely crushed it and i'm watching this knowing with the knowledge of the fallout being like what is what is the what is running through his brain well i i don't want to get into that i've got quite problematic opinions on that whole thing. But I reckon he is a man who has been driven insane by A, being in Scientology for as long as he has, and Jada Pinkett Smith seems crazy and powerful. Yes. And, like, because all that stuff came out afterwards that she slept with.

She was going out with her son's friend. That was separated, but it wasn't public. She'd going out with her son's friends they were separated but it wasn't public she'd been sleeping with her son's friend who came to stay with him because he was in a bad way Will Smith has to like play the husband to this whole thing and I'm sure he's got all these ideas of masculinity

that like adding fuel to the fire like to fucking live in that head for a half hour no thanks by the time he did this, he was so confused. So wound up by everything. The secret relationship, I just, you know, you don't have to give everyone everything, but I think you don't have to pretend that you're in a normal,

traditional marriage, but eight years after it's broken down in a public way where you're defending your wife, you know. The dude's so trapped in his own life. It're defending your wife you know I need to get into it but it was it was incredible that's what I see with Will Smith he is a man trapped inside

his own life that sounds sad but maybe I don't know he looks happy but he's not the latest bad boys it's not getting glossed

but it's not getting slated oh yeah I'm sure it's super competent and good I saw that yeah who cares here's another email

I would love to see Martin Lawrence at the height of his stand up power yeah there's a story about Chris Rock thinking he's the best in the world

then seeing Martin Lawrence like literally have the the venue shake really because of how hard he's made people laugh at a gig in Vegas and then Chris Rock

was like I'm not it man that rules yeah Chris Rock getting humbled you you know you got the goods um did you see rob schneider got kicked off stage again last night so how are we not going to this upcoming show in auckland day he got kicked what happened hold on let me actually i don't want us to get done for slander which would be so funny at this point uh okay seven hours ago on crack.com rob schneider booed pulled off stage during charity gig i hasten to add this is not the first time this has happened he got yeah he got the boot from a republican convention for being too problem that is fucking goat subtitle everyone in the room was groaning the Rob Schneider story.

For the second time in six weeks, newly pious Rob Schneider was cut off in the middle of an offensive comedy set and asked to take a hike. In his latest early exit, Schneider was pulled off stage while performing at a... We kind of have to cancel our plans and go, I think. Like, it's history in the main... I can't.

You can't. I'm supposed to be hosting the show i didn't know you were hosting i thought you were i might get someone else to host and just fucking go to schneider i think i have to dude i think you have to yeah and then like the next it's what day is it it's on saturday yeah it's the 15th of June and then okay I get home the next night on Sunday night I'll come I'll

I'm coming back from Christchurch we can just record a gig report I it's almost worth just us getting online and just

doing a stream like I'll get I'll just get home yeah set it up so I'll it'll be a 24 hours will pass I've got to figure out if

this um if i can get out of this gig but at just every if you can if you can doesn't this feel like in our small sphere of the world yeah yeah yeah the headline because this is this is it's almost at the level with rob schneider where like in some circumstances if he wasn't coming to auckland but he was in sydney in the calendar allowed like i feel like it would be on the precipice of us being like well i guess we just have to find books and tickets and go yeah he's coming to auckland he's coming to to you know to our backyard and he's just in a week earlier on a like a run of this kind of thing happening yeah he's he's been pulled off he's on a fucking tear performing at

the charity gala to benefit the hospitals of Regina Foundation according to and the thing

is he can't get kicked off at this gig because it's his gig the one that is in Auckland

that's true the ones he's getting in trouble for is when he's like representing or he's doing it so it's just

unfettered Rob it's real Rob people at the event say schneider regaled the fundraiser with a routine full of anti-vax and anti-trans jokes i don't know if i can handle especially when you hear the details it does become less exciting but it's it just is it's like anthropology yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm here to observe. Yeah.

I feel like a weapons inspector from the UN. Going to Iraq. Just the kind of, yeah, fuck, we don't need to read on. We get the gist. God damn. I think we've got to end it there. I'm not going back in time after that. No, I want to, I want to.

I'm going to make some moves and see if I can get out of hosting this gig that I produced um to go to see Rob Schneider Tim honestly I know the plans to do hopefully

a live stream of Cats 2 that might be a bit of a um sub stack exclusive perhaps yeah there'll be later till I just have to say that's fine

well we I feel like we could tee that up over the internet though a little bit I wanna be with you okay that's nice I feel like we could tee that up over the internet a little bit I want to be with you okay that's nice okay

I want to be with you all right we're going to write down all these things I'm committing us to

it's two it's right now I mean look you've got to do your due diligence find out if you can actually

get along to the gig if you go to Rob Schneider the following night yeah the 16th we're either

going to do a live stream discussion and analysis or just record a little you know the following night the 16th we're either going to do a live stream discussion and analysis or just record a little you know what as well because there's a part of me that's like I feel bad paying money you know

I'll buy we're still spending money I think someone I think I could find an outlet to pay me to review it Stephen Flix would do that right? It's out of their wheelhouse Flix or the spin-off? Yeah the spin-off might

I honestly think though to me that muddies the waters I think it's better you know whatever it costs, the $70 is not going to make a difference in Rob Schneider's life but the investment is going to make a difference. No, it's the morality of contributing.

Okay. And so if I'm... I'm going to do it. I'm so excited. I'm so... I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. Shout out Ferris Bueller. Very good.

Well, that does it for all of our business today. I feel like we've covered a lot of great stuff. You can have a good day. We really baited the hook on a few things because in the last, whatever these are, are these friend zones, back to friend zones, or are we still in family time? I actually don't know what intro Brendan's putting on here.

Shout out to our excellent news. I call this hang time. Hang time with Mr. Cooper. Yeah, no, I call this hang time. And we're surfing the waves of friendship and the internet and rob schneider yeah and um paul blart more cop too and rob i did the hook on there's an exciting little thing coming for um to death ross blart this time do you think i'll talk to you about no no further details okay okay sorry Roger that

what do I think I don't know what I think oh man that's gonna be look we've got a lot a lot to look forward to I hope you've enjoyed this ep

peace of love peace of love I will not be signing any more autographs I hope you're enjoying or have enjoyed because it's I think

pretty much ended now or just ended podcasting a tree too have loved hearing warm feedback about it thank you so much I'm glad that I think pretty much ended now or just ended podcasting a tree too have loved hearing warm feedback about it, thank you so much I'm glad that some people enjoyed that and once again I just

have to take this opportunity to apologise for the dog shit audio and vision, it was my intention for it to be really good and it turned out quite the opposite but like I always say I want to apologise for being ambitious Jeb, I don't think, think you know I think you're very gracious I will apologize for the quality

have you got any other apologies you want to get up your chest? no I'm utterly flawless apart from this one thing I'm trying to think if I've got any I'm sort of missing a deadline right now but I'm not going to apologise for it. Yeah. Good. One of the emails I sent, it wasn't an apology.

It was an explanation. And hey, look, I'm not one of those guys who's too masked to apologise. I believe in the apology. Yeah. I'm a huge advocate for it. Do you know what you've got guy you've got good work boundaries i think you'll be like i hear you but no it's like no you really need to get this done it's like yep i understand i will do it later on my head be it yeah it's my

show i'm gonna look like a fucking dumbass yeah No one else is putting their body on the line. Say love. Or their name in the title twice. Well, yeah. Some other people are working very hard and you're probably making their jobs slightly more difficult. Undoubtedly.

Undoubtedly. But that's kind of how it goes sometimes, folks. So, with that, we wish you a happy, safe and healthy day. Yeah, and if anyone who... Support your trans folks out there as well. Big time. For God's sake.

It's Primark and all the fuckwoods coming out there as well for god's sake it's all the fuckwits coming out of the woodwork don't don't go to

rob schneider just leave it to me i will be jesus christ and sacrifice myself

and if anyone is listening along who's impacted by me missing my latest deadline i would like to apologize

it's the worst idea it's the worst idea. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea. It's the worst idea of all time.