The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Time 11: An Overlooked and Undercooked Special

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

Batten down the hatches. It’s an emergency Overlooked and Undercooked special as Rob Schneider makes landfall in Aotearoa. After years of morbid fascination, Tim has finally witnessed Rob’s particular brand of bitterness in the flesh and, 90 unflinching minutes later, is bringing his findings back to Guy Montgomery, who was conveniently out of town on a “comedy tour.” Has seeing Rob perform live added a transformative new dimension to Tim’s opinion of his work?Video episodes releasing early on our Substack. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time, it's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. Rob Schneider Hey Monty Telling lots of jokes Oh yeah Upsetting lots of folks These days When he's riffing Get out the kitchen because he's not missing today that's not bad that's moon river

yeah i got that i thought i would let the man cook thank you and i'm glad i did worthwhile Thank you And I'm glad I did, worthwhile Welcome to an emergency edition Of Family Time Friend Zone, I actually am not 100% sure What we're calling it at the moment And I have devolved power to Brendan the editor To decide for us

How these are presented currently It's really nice to see you Tim We've both We've both had a weekend For me That involved leaving auckland and uh doing stand-up comedy in christchurch it was my the last show of this tour it was a really fun show went really well great crowd really happy to send that uh show off, set sail for the horizon for the time being. Yeah.

And it represents the end of a significant block of work and I feel proud of myself. And having it done on reflection, I do feel a great sense of relief. But what is interesting is all of Saturday, which was the day of the show, I was thinking of you. I spent a lot of my time building up to this farewell thinking about Tim because you weren't in Christchurch.

You weren't even – you were meant to host a show that you were producing. You weren't even doing that. And you weren't even with your beautiful, growing, young family. None of the above. So here's what happened. The time and energy that you had. Yeah. Tell us.

Okay. Well, first, I actually did spend all of the late afternoon and early evening setting up the show so the show that i set up was frankly fucking phenomenal and it was a crying shame that i wasn't there for the first bit and that i wasn't hosting it because i should have because it was awesome i wouldn't have done as good a job as reese though reese matthewson stepped in my shoes so that's the thing if you can't do if you can't do something get someone better than you to do it that's always good advice so the show went well the show was fucking awesome uh so the show that i produced i've been trying to pull together for a while just music comedy an evening of um so kura turu finua um was on two hearts was the headline act and Johnny Brough, who people might know from What We Do in the Shadows

is a new-ish character, I think, which just won the Freda... No, wait. No. No, I'm thinking of Barney Duncan. Never mind. He was performing as Clown of Thorns. Anyway, none of that fucking matters, folks,

because I set that show up at one part of central auckland and then had to get on an e-scooter and haul ass to sky city theater um in the largest landmark in auckland the the sky tower because in the theaterette there was one rob schneider performing live one night only in Tamaki Makaurau. And that is what I needed to race off to get to. So I jump on the scooter at about 6.45, I reckon. The tickets say that this show is going to start at 7.

And I'm like, no way. It's Saturday night, surely. That's doors. Show starts at 7.30. But I don't want to miss a goddamn minute of this. And as far as I can tell so far, there's no opening act. An assumption which turned out to be 100% correct. So I get there and I made time, which was great.

I really did haul ass. I covered a lot of ground in sort of 12 minutes. Got to the lift lift is empty thank god because that the area down there can get very um bottlenecked during shows when people are coming up but luckily i was so late everyone was already up so i'm going up beautiful young couple are in the lift with me probably slightly older than me a man and a woman and i say you're going to rob schneider and they say yes and i said are you big fans and they said nope just something to do and they said are you a big fan and i said i am a huge rob schneider fan and then the doors opened and i bid them a good show um i umped am denied about getting a beer and then i got on the line there was a bit of a line to get to the bar and then as i was in the line i was probably

three people before getting a beer uh the person over the tannoy says the show's gonna start in four minutes so this it's actually gonna start on time roughly i was like fuck fuck this is more important than a beer i've got to take to my seat. I thought I had booked an aisle seat. I had done the opposite. When I got in there and got to my seat, I was nailed up against a wall. I was literally butted up against a wall. So I had to clamber over everyone to get to my seat.

You probably want to know some demo stats, I'm guessing. First off. I'm very interested. Pretty much sold out. Average age of the crowd, 50. Average ethnicity, white. Not solely, but certainly majority. And surprisingly, probably even gender skew, which I wouldn't have put money on going into the show.

To track back to your companions in the elevator, I suppose this checks out, right? This is the power of whatever level or strata of celebrity he's attained, which is like an easy choice for couples. Look, Rob Schneider is 60 years old, former SNL-er, from a pretty stellar generation. He was not stellar, but he was part of a stellar generation there. Came up with Sandler,

obviously has done a lot of huge movies quite a long time ago now. His heyday is when we were 14, I would say. So that's like two decades ago that he peaked. So what I think, because Sky City Theatre, from memory, 500 capacity, I think? No, it's closer to 700. Oh, true. Right.

So it wasn't totally sold out. There was like the odd seat left. I suspect they probably booked that theater hoping to do two shows in a night, maybe. Yeah. That did not happen. But you know what? There's nothing wrong with selling out a 700 seat room once. I paid fucking 80 bucks to go see Rob Schneider.

So do the math, you know um so we get what's the was there what's is there like pre-show music is there a vibe does it feel like people are excited for an event or does it feel like all these people have been cast together in a theater for it dude this is what blew my mind a little bit and i shouldn't have been surprised by this but like people are fucking dressed up people look nice people people have makeup on um people are wearing lovely shoes lovely dresses clean shirt you know people look good people are there for a night out and i guess this is what you do when you've paid 80 fucking dollars to go that's right to a man railing against the world on stage. No spoilers. So the mood's great, really.

The mood's pretty good. The room's pretty full when I clamber in and get my seat. Do you see, I know you're arriving late. Not too late. Out of curiosity, do you see anyone you know, any familiar faces, anyone from the world of comedy? It's so keep asking me this because i you know i had to leave the comedy show that i was producing to go to this and i was like i'm so sorry guys i gotta nip off to rob schneider what was their what was their response to that like do you think you're gonna see anyone you

know and i said to raise i said i i really hope not for like four reasons at least uh and i didn't i didn't see a single person that i what was their read on you going to rob schneider were they excited for you were they i was really worried about it i didn't tell anyone until the day like they knew i i informed everyone a couple of days prior that reese was gonna um host because originally i was hosting and that's like this fine that's normal um but's fine. That's normal. But I sort of laid it on them in the morning. I was like, hey, just a little heads up. So, you know, I'll come and set everything up,

help you with the tech, sound check. And then I've just got to nip over and watch Rob Schneider. It's for work. And I made it very explicit in the Facebook thread. I said, I'm not wanting to do this, but this is a work obligation that I have. So I'm going to have to love you and leave you for a bit. Yeah.

Okay. So I reckon the Beatles are playing when I get in there. Okay. Pretty good. That's the house music. And I think he selected that playlist. So then,

so I sit down. I don't think there's any important other details that needs to be covered before that. Lights dim. I reckon we're only about five after seven. Yeah. Voice comes on stage, you know, over the loudspeakers. It's Rob announcing himself.

Yeah. Now. Sick. announcing himself yeah now sick he says something similar to like ladies and gentlemen if you're the type of person who gets offended

by jokes or comedy at this point you might want to pretend that you left something in your Tesla that you have to go get now that's good that's a good

start it's a good start and then and then goes into you know uh are you guys ready to have a good night welcome to the stage me rob schneider um then took a weirdly long yeah i don't i don't want i'm not going to get hung up on every detail But the Tesla line Is there a laugh there? Oh yeah Definitely It's not a belly laugh but there's a ripple Yes

Accurate description Good guess Dude people are excited to see Rob Schneider They paid $80 and they put nice clothes on To go to the Sky City Theatre to see this guy. The mood's good. The room is there to see this man.

He's just started talking. They're hype. It's important context. So I don't quite know how to gauge it. I'm sort of interested because there's a world in which he maintains

that level of excitement and enthusiasm and engages the room on the terms they're visualizing. And so they remained as excited and grateful or you know not grateful but you know they're pumped up for the experience the whole way through so i guess the gauge i'm looking for is like would we call it confidence confidence stroke excitement out of 10 are you talking for rob sorry or the crowd i'm

talking about the the energy in the crowd. Was it a confident crowd? Yeah, as an audience, not in themselves, but that they're getting value for money, that they're going to have a positive experience at the comedy show. Okay, are we just assessing the reaction to the Tesla line here? No, no, I just want to benchmark for the start of the show because I want to know all right you want to know the journey yeah okay so yes the room is enthusiastically with him on the tesla announce from back of stage when he says he's about to walk out yeah yeah yeah

this is yeah yeah okay just wholly with him i would say say. Holy with him. So he's got everyone. He's starting for a position of strength. There's great enthusiasm. Rob Schneider's in town. Yes. We've booked tickets to see him. Here he is. He's coming out on stage right now.

Then he takes a weirdly long amount of time to get on stage. He walks out to Stevie Wonder's For Once In My Life. Okay. Beautiful song. I'm so excited. He's wearing like all black. It doesn't look bad, but the jacket was a mess.

He's wearing a sequined black jacket and a hat that is like, not, not a fedora, but he's pulling it off. It's sweet. It's a good size. Like it fits him. And I think that's crucial

So he's got a hat He's all in black It would be Like if it wasn't for the sequins on the jacket I would say Pretty Sort of You know

Faultless classy attire Sequins didn't do for me Hey A little bit of showbiz A little bit of razzle dazzle Never hurt anyone It's fine He's bringing some pizzazz

It's all good So then He gets on stage and uh opens with you can do it you can do it new zealand crowd huge is into it yeah yeah everyone loves how could you not be how could you not be this is a performer he knows how to perform this guy's a pro um i mean this guy is crazy to me this guy's been in the news so much lately i know then we should probably talk about so i've actually put on that you can't read this i think it's blown out on the camera but on the tv behind me i put up like just google news headlines with the word rob schneider And Monty sent me You sent me like a screenshot of this

Yesterday morning or something Yeah And it's like even in the last three weeks I think he's been kicked off multiple stages He's been Well he's made news three times recently Once for He was deemed

Too offensive for a charity gig He was playing in Canada for a hospital. I think he was railing against vaccines and the trans community. He then got a surprising amount of heat, considering how low level I think he is. It looked to me, the footage looked like it was in Melbourne, but it was covered by American news agents. It was a journalist had found him and said rob what's going on and rob this is after he'd been booed off the charity gig and he said uh he's quite clearly had a few and he says cancel culture is over and and that like and that got a bit of coverage because it's like famous comedian

says cancel culture is over but he doesn't believe that he's clearly you know generating more heat and then the other one and maybe it was in the same interview he's he he goes after will smith real hard yeah what was that angle do you know i don't read it no i can't remember it but basically i can read it here it's on the screen yeah yeah should yeah. Should I click into it? Yeah, by all means. All right, let's see what's going on. So Google News, one day ago, Rob Schneider is getting roasted for saying, asshole Will Smith should have been arrested.

We don't need to read that story. That's the story. There you go. There you go. Last year, he was taken off stage at a Republican conference for being too offensive, which is, given the current state of the Republican Party, so impressive. Yeah.

That is an artiste. So I just think, you know, he's not in the middle of the zeitgeist, but he's occupying a very interesting space. Yeah. And he's just walked on stage in a sequined jacket and a fedora yeah stevie wonder and my man tim bat is in the audience oh i should say as well that before he said you can do it new zealand he he just like was just singing along to the song so he just grabbed the mic and sing along to stevie wonder um which is not a bad play like it's a real confidence play and the room is like,

here's a guy who knows what he's doing. We're in safe hands. He's here to have fun. He's in a good mood. We all know how he closed his most recent Netflix special, not his most recent special, but his Netflix special, Asian Mama Mexican Kids, named so for his mama, who is Asian,

and his kids, who are Mexican. He closed with a duet with his daughter to Roy Orbison's Only in Dreams. I'd forgotten about that. Yeah, of course. So the man can sing. He's a consummate showman. Oh, yeah.

His daughter can really sing. He can hold a note. He can hold a tune. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. So we're in safe hands real good gives us the catchphrase it's fine um immediately does a bunch of material about news or like he's you know he's doing stuff about new zealand which i i respect the attempt that he's like dialing in and trying to talk to us on a global tour he's you know halfway around

the world um it's kind of a pet peeve of mine but when americans i think it's like a very stereotypically american thing to do but i think it's it's a truer trait of older american performers bringing the perspective of an american and like ignoring the fact that it's a new zealand audience so he's doing jokes about the fact that like we export our water and like you can get you know new zealand bottled water in america and how we're ripping everyone off with that and like we don't know that and also we're not doing that yeah That's Coca-Cola probably putting a label on tap water that is locally sourced. So anyway, he's talking about that.

He did have not a bad line at the start, which was about you guys in New Zealand, you're so far ahead of everyone. You're so far ahead of everyone. Gas here is $3 a liter. And that got a big laugh. I was like play to you you've observed what's happening here yeah yeah reflected it back to us okay i will say and this is a bit of a spoiler i did not laugh once in the entire show and he was on stage for 90 minutes which felt so much longer than 90 minutes i cannot explain how like trapped i felt and just there was i'm gonna jump around a lot because i can't

help it but like towards the end this because this is so important I mean not important but like this is what's kind of You know The most etched in my mind Memory of all the events Of last night is he had a stool On stage and he kept going to it From the 40 minute Mark for jokes and every time you get off

It I'd be like Are we done? Are we good now? And like 4 bits, 5 bits we done are we are we good now yeah and like four bits five bits six big long bits kept kind of going to the stool getting off the stool i'm like cool man this is fucking all right okay and in an hour the man is sorry an hour and a half the man is on stage by himself no this this is um this is an important part of the story for me because i think conceptually this is so funny to me and intriguing and what i think i haven't accounted

for and what i need to thank you for and we all need to remember is and us especially i guess we've done podcasts about this kind of thing, is the boots on the ground experience. And can I add, because I've been talking about this with a few people, and the thing that everyone is kind of shocked by that I kept forgetting was a feature of this, I'm by myself. So it's like, I was telling you this, she was like, how was the show? I was like, oh man, you know, I'll tell you. I told her that.

And she was like, Guy wasn't with you? I was like, man you know i'll tell you i told her that and she was like guy wasn't with you i was like no i was there by myself so much worse um but appropriate like appropriate to be just just me and rob such a good detail so we're hearing about new zealand's exported lamb and how in america they got their own lamb So I don't know why I've got to eat New Zealand lamb He does honestly, hand on heart The worst attempt at a Kiwi accent I've ever heard With so much confidence

And goes back to that well a number of times Fuck He did so many accents in the show And they were all so offensive and dog shit like so many different uh particularly you know he stays in the asian region i think because he himself is ethnically filipino so he's sort of giving himself a license to just shop around a little bit. But I mean, yeah, really relentless. A lot of Mexican doing Patricia, his wife. All bad.

Him and Patricia are still together? She's in the country. She's here. Now, I'll try and remember what he said. Because this actually caught me off guard and I thought it was funny. And I don't think it was intended as a joke. And I think he just was saying stuff out loud that was on his head but he said um you know because he's doing his his his bit about what's you know been happening since he

got in new zealand and he's like uh my wife um she's here well she's not here yeah she's not in the room she doesn't like the things i say and he is a true story and i was like yeah i fucking i believe it dude i believe it so his three daughters his three daughters are here in auckland right now i think at least they skedaddle early that um use of true story yeah devastating to me. I know. It was the only time you said it in the show as well. Yeah, fuck. It was so cooked, man. Okay. Yes.

So he's come out. He's observed New Zealand. Yeah. So he had the gas line. It's fine. The water thing. Everyone's kind of confused by it because we just don't know about New Zealand bottled water overseas. And then the New Zealand land stuff, which is like okay people laughing though like i you know i hasten to add

i didn't have a good time everyone was was was sort of with them at this you know everyone's with them at this point um i like at this point well yeah i'll take the i'll rip the fucking scab off now they broadly the room just stayed with them the whole time um and i was there to see history get made it's like oh you know i was buying a lotto ticket to see if this was going to be a show that made a headline it didn't um yeah with getting ahead of myself, I, it was, it was just real drudgery, like just real honest drudgery getting through it. Do you know what? I was really buoyed at the start and enthused and really excited to be there. I was like,

what are we going to see? And then like 10 minutes in, I was, I was sort of realized the situation I put myself in and I was, um, it's just fucking bleak about it. He's just going to wear you down. Yeah. Yeah.

Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks and hikes led by expert

instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. And I didn't expect 90 minutes as well. I was like, this guy is, you know, really lazy comedy. Surely there'd be a minimum and get off stage. Battling to make 60. Yeah, exactly. Give me 60 and then get off. And he did an hour and a half.

So it was my mistake. I mean, you've performed and killed and you've been in rooms where someone's destroying and the whole room's ignited is it it's just like he's just hanging like everyone's just hanging on they're not like as all right interested as you perhaps but here's here's an okay here's an interesting angle that i think might sort of like get you into a different way of thinking about this situation guy within the first 10 minutes of the show he had found a way to have a character that he was doing on stage called jacinda ardern a c word and that got a huge positive response from the crowd so this is this is the audience that we're dealing with like i think you know people people got the red meat they were coming from broad broadly though there were certainly ebbs and flows

within about 15 minutes oh within 10 minutes as well we're into the anti-vax stuff like fucking instantly as soon as new zealand's i'd say we've got about six seven minutes on you know the bottled water the new zealand lamb um i think that was the point in the show where he was talking about you know how much shit costs here and his wife spending all his money and then woman do that and then it's fucking off to the races with the anti-vax shit which he stayed on for ages so that's he's more opinion sharing with this stuff i think i think he's too passionate about it to genuinely be funny about it right he has made jokes he has made he had like i've got to tell it like it is he has made jokes about this stuff but the thing that got me is just like the kind of relentlessness of it and the the

the amount of time spent on it like anti-vax stuff and trans stuff was i would say 80 of the show like just those two topics yeah um and it was like it just it it really fucking wears you down the trans shit was just like i don't know how to describe it man really fucking sad really fucking sad and especially because i think at this like he you know he said some stuff at the start where the crowd were kind of with him because he's got joke formats for this shit i think even that crowd by the time we were into sort of like minute 15 of really like hacky bigoted shit yeah like and then there's another 15 minutes on it like it was pretty like it was pretty grim and that that's but that that felt like drudgery because it was you know at the start i was kind of like the thing there's so many things flashing through

my head but at that point when he started getting into the anti-trans stuff and everyone was kind of like you know hooping and hollering i was like man this is what it was like being in nazi germany at the start where it's like There's a guy on stage Who You know Has enough charisma to Yeah He knows how to push the buttons Of the crowd

And he can kind of just say Whatever crazy thing Yeah They're here to Hear him talk And if you put it Into a certain format You know

You'll clap at the right bits And shit This is This is how some pretty bad ideas Get out there Yeah And like I want to say

Yeah you go Well just It sounds to me like Adolf Hitler He is not though Just with respect to charisma Bad ideas get out there. Yeah. And like, I want to say, yeah, you go. Well, just, it sounds to me like Adolf Hitler, he is not though, just with respect to charisma. No, he's a fucking idiot. He is fucking moronic. Like he's a dumb idiot. He's a stupid man.

He's not smart. And I think he kind of like knows that, which is kind of nice, you know, that there's a little bit of self-reference there. But no, he's not a clever man by any stretch of the imagination. The trans stuff, it's interesting because like, you know, he's talking so much about it. And basically it was, you know, all the jokes are just about, you know, the like old sort of 80s,

I would even say, thing of chicks with dicks. It's that flavoured for so long. But he's got this thesis that trans people are a mischievous, mischievous sort of sneaky force who have found a way into the gay community, that's his

that's sort of what he's getting at with all this material and it's a really it's quite a fucking crazy, when you lay it all out and you, especially when he's talking like doing the connective tissue between the jokes that he's doing on this one topic for so long in the show you get really exposed to the inner workings of what he honestly believes about this community

and he thinks that trans people are people attempting to trick others to get into the gay community it's it's quite a wild uh deeply damaging bigoted perspective of course and but do you do you think uh he's birthing these like is he is he conceived of these ideas or is he parroting conspiratorial talking points is he lifting stuff from what he's sort of saying honestly i am gratefully uh so sort of far removed from yeah no way to know the conversation about this stuff that i don't know i didn't like recognize stuff that he's parroting but i don't know if i would um you know i don't have enough exposure to the Fox News perspective to know if he's just saying stuff on TV, for example. I've got two questions, I guess. One of them is what percentage of the show is comedy

and what percentage of the show is his version of moral grandstanding? And also, it sounds like there's a 30-minute chunk of this anti-trans material. What is the laughter ratio and engagement ratio from the audience? It's a graph. Yeah. And the graph is a hill sloping down. He's got them at the start.

He never loses people based on ideology. He loses people based on ability to perform comedy. Yes, correct. Yeah. Yeah, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like, Tim, I've got to be honest,

it sounds like you had kind of a sad night. Yeah, it was. And I wasn't expecting that, you know? You get a big head full of steam for these sort of events and then the reality of what's happening hits you and you're like, oh, yeah, that's right. that you know i kind of you get a big head full of steam for these sort of events and uh and and then the reality of what's happening hits you and you're like oh yeah that's right he's in the news because he's a fucking arsehole and now i have to sit with his ideas for 90 minutes being thrown at me and it was just like i really i genuinely didn't laugh once in the entire show and i would

tell you if i did yeah i smiled once he had one line which made me smile uh which was if joe biden was a dog you put him down and it was just i think the word economy on it that that i respected and it caught me off guard because like a lot of the shitty saying is is like uh just from a technique point of view like the craft it's bad lazy flabby jokes yeah it's not crisp stuff he did have some some stuff that was um honed so like technically good but it's he was doing really old bits that i had seen on you know previous specials and stuff oh he was doing his old bits yeah yeah yeah yeah he was doing all but so there's like yeah, yeah. He was doing old bits. So there's like, I was trying to remember which, I don't know what special it's from,

but the you never see homeless Asian people. I'm embarrassed to say I've not brushed up on my Schneider reading recently, but that's got to be Asian mom and Mexican kids. Maybe, but yeah. I mean, how many of his other specials have you got said into your brain I think I've watched two I think he's put out like two in the last five years

and I've watched both of them but he did reveal that he was here 10 years ago and then I had a weird feeling that I was at that show as well wow which might have happened because you know

as I've mentioned on the podcast I interviewed him once on the radio so maybe I got tickets off the back of that to go to the show yeah I mean the timeline kind of checks out it would have been about on the podcast, I interviewed him once on the radio. So maybe I got tickets off the back of that to go to the show. Yeah, I mean, the timeline kind of checks out. It would have been about when the podcast was starting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, bizarre.

Really strange. So that was confronting that I'd probably seen, you know, two for two Rob Schneider shows in New Zealand in the last decade. So we've got an hour and a half of material. I'm going to give him 10 minutes on New Zealand, half an hour on anti-trans. Yeah yeah half an hour on anti-vax um yeah i call it 20 okay so if it if that's 20 it sounds like there's 25 to 30 minutes of material left well here's the other thing you know me part of the reason we're talking right now i got a pretty bad memory for this sort of stuff you know like i don't absorb it and especially if it's not good

yeah so a lot of this was washing over me um confession time i recorded the entire show on my phone oh my god and i did it for a very specific purpose uh it's because i i wanted i did want to have a record of it for whatever reason. I don't care if it gets deleted or whatever, but I wanted to transcribe it just to kind of have a look through. But the real reason why I recorded it is because my phone's now got like

one of those baked in AI tools where it summarizes the notes of your meeting. So you can just have a voice recording of the meeting and then it transcribes of the meeting and then it transcribes it to words and then it does ai again to summarize what was said to like get it into minutes yeah basically do bullet points so you've got you're telling me on your phone right now you've got the minutes of rob schneider's stand-up show well no i don't and here's why so the reason i was late to this record is because, so the phone took, it takes a while.

You know, it's a phone. It's processing 90 minutes of dialogue, speech to text, and then text to a summary. And so I was waiting for like 10 minutes for this process to happen. And then it came back with an error saying that it could not summarize the content because it was deemed inappropriate. He's been he's been ai the engineers at samsung had enough forethought to put a walled garden around uh the topics that rob schneider puts in his comedy show that they are unsummarizable do you know like this is if Rob Schneider catches wind of this information,

that is another news story. Can you, like, that is honestly, that's page six. Rob Schneider slams AI for being too woke. Like, that is incredible. I sort of definitely had moments of feeling bad about recording the show. I'm not going to do anything with the recording, obviously. I'm not going to disagree. I mean, what obviously. I'm not going to disagree with that. I think he's just made all the money you can make from that show where we are.

Yeah, but I will say this. The woman directly in front of me took her phone out and video recorded about 20 minutes of the show. She started recording when he first got into the anti-tram stuff and i was like maybe she's like a an activist who's kind of come yeah or not totally dissimilar terms to myself to sort of be a witness in a way um and maybe she's gonna get the stuff out but then she just kept recording as he drifted into other topics as well and i was like oh she's just a fan and it literally any other fucking comedian on earth i would like hit the phone out of your hand yeah stop recording but i kind of i waited at the start to see if you know she was sort of on the right side of history

and then it was like she's not and then i was like i'm so fucking tired and beaten down i'm not gonna pick a fight with someone recording rob schneider at his show like what's the what's the benefit to anyone for me stepping in for this and also it would trample all over your own audio recording of the same show exactly because my phone's right next to me so it's going to pick up me loudly telling you to stop recording you can't record a comedy show that's going to come on my recording um did you did you generate any interesting thoughts of your own did you go into your mind of tim bett well yeah oh like the whole time my mind was uh uh trying multiple techniques to just keep itself sane and alive one thing that really i i had multiple moments of this was i was watching rob and it's so useful that he came to

new zealand at the time that he did just off the back of the new zealand international comedy festival because it blew my mind that rob schneider like huge international comedian you know can tour around the world sell out ish in auckland um was was performing the show and like two weeks prior i was in a bigger venue seeing my friend guy montgomery sell out like a a three or four times capacity this room and just annihilate in terms of like do a 1000 times better show than this guy and that was kind of nice to be able to like compare it because that happened so close together that was that was a kind of a nice respite that i built inside my head yeah yeah that is remarkable i mean i that kind of logically leads me to a question that we've always asked each other ourselves and any guests when we have

a podcast discussing the work of rob schneider yeah is this punching down no i can now tell you it isn't um he's a bad guy with bad ideas and he's telling less like more good at people than him who are bad. Yeah. Bad stuff to make them worse people. We're not punching down. He's a bad guy. And no, I think he needs way more pushback, not less. I am now utterly, utterly confident in that fact. Rob Schneider is not someone we need to feel bad about body checking a little bit.

The guy's up to no good and I can tell you as someone who paid $80 to hang out with him for an hour and a half holy shit last night, it was no fucking good man, and I was so grateful to be able to immediately whisk myself

back and see two hearts closing out the show that I had produced because I needed that. I fucking needed that. Yeah. And they were so excellent. They always are. But they were just so good.

I mean, they're amazing. So he closed on... Closed? I think it must have been the close. I can't remember what it was, but he had a joke construction. He had a format where he was able to just rattle off all of his like catchphrases from over the years and in terms

of like you know giving the audience what it wants i was like yep that's what you do i can only think of you can do it yeah there's the only one i kind of knew too but he did it in a way and the crowd responded in a way where it was, you know, call and response. He's dropping a bizarre line. Like, I think it, yeah, it's weird. I don't know. I mean, I guess by my count,

the other movies I know of is Juice Bigelow, The Hot Chick, and The Animal. I mean, I could check the transcript. I would actually really like that. Would you? Okay, it's going to take me a while to like I'm on my phone and there's no search function that I can see here

oh that's right the other big bit he did I want to say 10 to 15 on his vasectomy oh wow classic didn't need that there's gold in them hills you know what conceptually just while you're

looking i'm just going to sum up what my i'm not going to work i've punished myself okay fair enough i was so this is just such a um of course sort of outcome this is the only logical and appropriate result of this experiment which is basically like all of the data all the information we could collect that we have seen ourselves that we have peripherally observed through the news uh through keeping tabs on a social media account is that this is a a guy who managed to be around the right people and get hot for a certain period of time he could make movies that probably aged horribly but could scratch a certain comedy itch of uh you know adolescent or pre-adolescent teens through the the early 2000s a guy who is

very much you know at the opposite of the peak of his powers just the absolute waning star and you've gone to see him and it's uh comedically disappointing and not funny and be horrifically offensive yeah and bad news yeah it's i don't know it's the offensive thing gets talked about so much now in like cancel culture and shit what i sort of what like really irks me is is just like just lying about a vulnerable group of people for the purpose of just being a fucking asshole bully um yeah i just remember two two other bits from the show which i i do want to briefly mention because they were two celebrity stories that he has in the show um i mean i'm going to throw this to you guys do you think that i've got kind of a green light to i'm not going to do the jokes obviously

but can i reveal sort of what this who the stories are about do you know that no one who listens to this episode i feel like it is poor form though like you know at the end who listens to this episode is ever going to go? I feel like it is poor form, though. Like, you know, at the end of the day, he is a comedian who's going around, you know, doing live shows. I don't want to, like, fucking, you know, be too uncouth with this. He's an arsehole. I hate him. I fucking hate him. No, no, no.

Tim, this is so fun. no no no this is so fun so he tells the story about meeting emma watson when he's in france at a fancy hotel that david spade told him to go to with his kids and the story even by his side of the story is just him seeing emma watson and then haranguing her um because his daughters want to meet her and her saying, I'm sorry, it wouldn't be safe for us to have a photo together. And it's like, it's just the picture that he paints is so clear when you're hearing the story that this is like a young woman who's at a hotel where she thinks she's got some respite from like crazy public who are trying to pepper

and stuff and fucking rob schneider's they're hitting her up and then oh my god no good and she is politely britishly trying to go hey man not cool please get out of my space that's his side of the story i mean it is And then the other story he tells is about going to Paul McCartney. And because he's paid a lot of money in, what the fuck is this movie that he's got coming out that he did with John Cleese? Daddy, Daughter. Oh, yeah. Vacation or something.

Something, yeah. It's not Daddy, Daughter, Daycare, is it? No, Daddy, Daycare is like an Eddie Murphy and Jeff Garlin film or something. He's got a movie coming out with, I think it is, his daughter. It's meant to be out. Okay. Who cares? And it's starring John Cleese and Jackie Sandler.

Yes. So he paid, he revealed the $80,000 to use Paul McCartney song in the movie, which is like obviously objectively a lot of money, but I don't know. Is that a lot of money to pay for a Beatles song to put in a movie? What song does he say? Eight days a week from memory of an event that happened yesterday, which I'm already desperately trying to erase.

I mean, it's a big song. $80,000 is a a lot but also that does it feels i would have assumed it would like bankrupt a production that i know self-funded production yeah same so anyway rob schneider doesn't share our perspective on how much it costs because he was fucking outraged and to the point where because you know he said i've paid eighty thousand dollars no you haven't netflix have paid eighty thousand dollars to license the use of the song in the movie that he thought he should get free tickets um to go see uh paul mccartney and like messaged his team and then i think he paid to go live but messaged them to to see if he could meet uh paul mccartney i really am spoiling like the story now

of what's in the show which i I feel bad about, but fuck it. Um, he's a bad guy. Uh, and then his daughter gets COVID. He drags her to the show cause he's already bought the tickets. And then the team is like, do you want to meet Paul McCartney? And he's like,

yeah. And he just brings his daughter who's COVID positive, which he caught, which she caught it off him. And they're just like meeting this fucking octogenarian. I think at this point with like his daughter, who's got COVID and kind of that's, that's like the story.

That's the punchline. And then the punchline is he's, he didn't die. It's like, fuck man. Jesus Christ. Holy moly But yeah just

To spend a day in that head I'm so grateful to you man I mean honestly From talking to you I can tell The experience of watching it as you've aptly described it As drudgery to relive it Basically Because of my own morbid curiosity

Is An act of great generosity and i think the only way to reciprocate is you know when the occasion arises if there's another person of mutual kind of obscene fascination if dane cook comes to new zealand no there's no one there's no one on the books who occupies the space that uh that rob schneider does for us um you don't need to do anything you don't need to be at this bird and i got this one monday um i mean it's like it's awesome it's it's also i guess i'm experiencing through the recollection what you experienced on the night which is like we're chasing the white whale of walkouts and you know him getting taken off by a cane around the neck or something.

But you're just watching an old man who's not good at comedy say bad stuff. Yeah, that's it. We don't need to say anything more about it. I hated being there. It was a bad time and probably the low point of my week. You kind of forced me to go. And I think it was important to do for the podcast.

Thank you. So the push was correct, but regrettable for me. Yeah. And I love you enough to say that I'm glad you weren't in town to be there for it. Thanks, man. I'm glad I wasn't there too. And even more than that, I'm glad you went. I think it was important that one of us went.

I really do. That's going to do it. That's going to do it for us. That concludes the emergency episode of whatever this is. Please don't give this man any money. Please refrain from giving him any attention. Rob, if you are listening, what are you doing here? It's the worst idea.

It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time.