The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Time: 18

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Listeners are taking matters into their own hands, whether it be taking inspiration from Guy to start a hat embroidery project, embarking on a Worst Idea-style wager of endurance with their mates, or, in the case of Luigi Mangione, producing their own fan-season of Killionaire.Get episodes early and in video on our Substack! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea, it right here we are in family time Yeah, this one's for the family. So if you're not family if you don't consider us family if We are new to you strangers to you. You're welcome to sit down pull up a pew here. We've got to say or Right on by skip this one out. I'm gonna fuck what you do because you're my brother It's good you are hey flip it and reverse it you are family if you're listening to this you're in the family Forget all right forget all that stuff up top if you've heard this your family with you wanted to be or not to get all that stuff up top. If you've heard this, your family,

whether you want it to be or not. If family be the food of love, then play on. It's nice to open my email inbox, briefly see all of the things in my life that should be getting my urgent attention and just sprinting away from that to get into a sub folder where I put all the beautiful family time correspondence Just running away from what we got a trouble was knocking on my door and going no no no

I'd actually like to blow some smoke up my ass for half an hour if that's alright with you Yeah, I'm finding stuff right now. I'm getting photos of a young man on the New York subway Do you want to open with that what's going on here? No, these are private images. Okay, very good Then this guy's on the subway. Oh, yeah. Well read an email from June of last year If that's all right with you guy I'd love it. Okay, so June last year. It was a beautiful time. Do you want to hear a little bit about it? Yeah, I do. Okay, Chelsea was working in Queenstown a lot of the time. I was preparing to film the first season of Australian Spelling Bee. It was

a busy time of year. It was middle of winter. I can't see any time when we hung out together which is a bit upsetting. We don't take photos though when we hang out as well. It's the other thing. Yeah. Anyway that's what's up. Talk to me Well, Jesse would like to talk to you Hello Tim Big fan gone. There's no mention of okay in case you and guy weren't aware Party pat was recently on an episode of shark tank the reality investment program and always inferior to Killian air with his mother selling Their protein bars. He calls her mommy on television. It's crazy to see how far he's come since grown-ups too. Episode is Season 15, Episode 22 if this is of

interest, Forever Frosty, Jesse. That has been covered on Good Times when we were courting quite publicly a sponsorship with Patrick. We opened negotiations then I deleted Twitter so could still be ongoing really hard to say. Ball? Ball isn't in Patty's court or Ball has been picked up by a guy and thrown out of the court into sort of a woodchipper I guess. Yeah but sometimes that's what you got to do. I appreciate the heads-up though I do like being impressed of Patrick's Cummings Patrick's goings that is a good name for a store

It's also nice to be reminded of what a fantastic project Kelly in here was in all its forms and fantastic project Killionaire was in all its forms and How pristine we were and if someone had just fucking listened to all of the plans I guess one person did actually jobless But I don't but the guy wasn't a billionaire this you know this sort of you're in the right ballpark But we were trying to go for billionaires That was yeah, I mean we were trying to go for billionaires. That was, yeah, I mean we were almost ahead of the time there.

Um, not really, but I got, yeah, that was, it was a crazy time. If you haven't heard them, they're all available on the archive, I assume. Now this message from the young man on the subway, he's gone way back, way back, way back, way back to the start of the track. Hey there, new fan but big fan. Ha ha. For proof, I'll send some pics of me listening to the podcast in the New York subway system. Smiley face. Not a bot by the way. I'm still in season one and I would love to listen to the commentary you all did. Where can I find that? And I would love to listen to the country y'all did where can I find that?

Then some nice photos of just a guy listing on the and then he created Spelling correct themselves a proof. I mean you can't see the air pods, but they're under the hat ha ha So that's the sort of pleasantries. I'm getting over here and our meta inbox Can you shit idea of all time you put the photo in front of the screen that both I and our sub stack subscribers for just five US dollars a month We'll be able to see because you get the video on we want to show this this guy's face Is that well if he send it to us is that not is that not kosh? Probably I don't know I'm deeming it kosh Looks like a great person I'm deeming it Kosh.

Looks like a great person. Love his scarf. Yeah, he seems like a solid guy. I haven't owned a scarf in a long time and I used to wear scarves a lot. Hey Guy and Tim, just wanted to contact you two crazy cats and let you know that you were bang on. I'm currently listening to the five hour energy back to back, oh, hold on, hit pause.

I don't know where that commentary is. I like, is hold on hit pause. I don't know where that commentary is I like is it on the podcast? I don't know maybe Do you know what Thomas the dirt comes has done in? concept with our editor Brendan is Forced me to find they're on YouTube They're increasingly on YouTube if you want to find back episodes now Probably the easiest way to do it is go onto YouTube on the little empire podcasts

channel in there day by day, there's new episodes going up all the time and Thomas I can't thank you enough Brendan. I thank you too, but Thomas is not getting paid for this He just dips in there and does a lot of work because he wants to hear the episode most south Yeah Currently up to season two episode 39. We don't date when we recorded this, Mont. Oh, too late bro, I just said it out loud. But it's only because the episode that, the one that I saw was called Southern. And that is, and there's a lot of of there's a big archive to get through but that was certainly an experience yeah currently listening to

the five-hour epic backed back sex in the shitty to directors commentary and you see the only reason people could possibly be pushing through and listening is out of a sense of duty to you and perhaps potential FOMO you're absolutely right I feel like starting the season means we have to do the time with you guys, perhaps a kind of penance. Also, I loved the secrets that came out, in particular the shoplifting of several chewing gums

from a local Blenheim establishment. I'm actually from Blenheim, so this was in fact a wee Easter egg for me. And I felt it was an awesome reward for going through all the chipmunching, mind losing, singing and wits ending with you guys. Hashtag sent help cheers keep it up Mazza PS I heard about your podcast while listening to another so started on the way back EPS got a lot of listening to go sent from my iPhone.

I mean, you know, probably more death blood territory and certainly mortality. But to hear of us doing five hour energy to me now, I mean, how does the prospect of and I'm not suggesting we do, I'm just curious about the growth you've undergone the responsibilities you've taken on The how time rich we were back then. What does it mean to you? We did it at night and I would do it again Sleep is not that important to me comedy is I Disagree I was hoping we're on the same page of that one. We've never been on this like You have you you were to try you to sleep I do not you had a weird power over me

You made us do that like I think that you document the moment where it's happening again Yeah, I remember it in my I remember doing it. It was really funny. What, I mean, how did you do it to me? Why did I let you do it? You were so upset, but you were so resigned. I think you were like psychically just so vulnerable at that point that you didn't have enough resource yourself to put up, you know, a proper defense.

You just resigned yourself to the fate of what was happening, which was another watch of Sex and the City 2. It was really funny, really funny for me. Yeah, undoubtedly. Just a bit of medicine for me, eh? Just here you go, sir, have some more medicine. I got one here, it's recent, and it's in response to something that we said

in one of these family times that I don't remember Oh Austin writes ahoy boys Listen to the newest family time want to let guy guy know that I'm gonna embroider a hat That says Monty Just wanted to let you know that you'll have a six foot four three hundred and eighty pound man in Utah representing the Monty business Thanks for the EBS of the pod boys. Love you to Timbo say my name even if it isn't and that is from Austin That's awesome

Austin I hope you've completed the hat and I hope that looks really good. I'm sure it does I Like that. I like you are the you're the forebear of the Monty business basically, you are now the CEO of Monty because no action has been taken on the other end so you have started a company congratulations this is how patents your land grabs work you got there first well done hello gentlemen and about two hours I will be having the first group phone call to discuss a worst idea Blart style uh, tontine? That's how you say that eh? I have organised with my friends, there are ten of us.

Tonight we will pick a movie and agree on a buy-in since it's a tontine and all. The last person watching wins the pot. Oh wow. Wow. This is intriguing. My selections up for vote by the group are sex drive, earbud 3, Madame Webb and the karate kit 2010. The one with Jaden Smith and Jackie Chan. Everyone else will be bringing several selections as well so we can find something appropriate. At least two other people involved are aware of your works in the area and everyone is excited.

I just wanted to let you know the horror you've brought into the world. Yours with love, Otto DWW. And if for some reason you want to talk about this, you have my permission to use my name. Well, that's good so What's it? How do you spell it? tontine

T-o-n-t-i-n-e like in the Simpsons the how was it the hell fish that Abe was in Yeah So that it's why it's Monty burns, but it's like The yeah, they're going, it's a one night tontine. Yeah, so they all pay in a buy in at the start. If I've understood this correctly, they put one movie on repeat and the last person to, you know, sustain watching it gets the entire potluck. How do they, from everyone bringing three offers, how do they whittle it down to the single movie

that everyone is gonna watch? I assume Democracy Reigns. Either some sort of vote or group consensus. My money, out of the ones that you mentioned, Sex, Drive, Earbud, Three, Madam Webb, and Karate Kid would be Madam Webb. I started watching that out of morbid curiosity and I got about halfway through and I just bailed on it.

This is the thing I've heard about it. I've heard that it's genuinely unwatchable. It's hard man. It's hard going. So intriguing. And for so many different reasons. There's a lot of technical elements that you're like what the fuck is going on? There's so much recorded dialogue at the start of the movie For like you're not sure why that's it But something's gone very wrong in the filming process that they had to overdub so much of the movie And it's so jarring that it happened so early on and that it is so poorly executed There are words coming out of people's mouths that do not match with what their lips are doing whatsoever

the the plot is pretty insane but that's okay you can have an insane plot. The dialogue is like the worst possibly it's up there with um oh this is so embarrassing I've forgotten his name who's our boy who's made all the movies? Neil Breen. Yeah it's Breen level it's brain level. It's brain territory. Madam Web is like if If if you got brain to write a Hollywood movie, Madam Web is what you get Damn That's awesome. I know it sounds like enough to be able to watch it out of You know, you're not the only one other other friends have had a go and they just had to bail out it's tough it's a real flat

I've heard it's a shocker really rare yeah well how many screenings do you think oh you couldn't even get through one well wait so you think you're young but you're old if there was a here we go if there was a competition element to it though you know I put the time aside and I would steal my resolve and I reckon maybe I could get through three. Can artificial intelligence be a force for good? At the University of British Columbia, we believe it can. Dr. Raymond Ng and team are using AI to harness

crucial data within the healthcare system to help deliver care to patients faster. It's AI that puts our health first. At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca forward happens here. Visit ubc.ca slash for what happens here I love watching movies for pleasure Which is a lot of people don't need to walk the road that we did to get to that point But oh my god, man. I've been watching movies for pleasure And I just think this is what it's all about. This is what cinema is about. I got one for you Tim

Yeah, I hope you boys have noticed that your boy Patty's playing the exact same character as he was in grown-ups, too However, just ten years older Will he change with the mindful treatment in Thailand or still be a douche? Apparently he's going to have a relationship on the show and he started acting as if it was changing him and Mike told him what he was doing he needed to continue being a terrible person that's what it says there's one thing I want to tell you about this guy Montgomery the guy who created the white lotus his name is Mike white is that right yeah it's so baller this right up there with you making a TV show and calling it guy Montgomery's guy one spelling bee

Just like there's something the hubris of putting your own name in the show you create is fucking fantastic Anyone can get away with it once to do it twice That's class real trailblazer. I mean but was with I white lotus I genuinely was like I was trying to remember what his name was I was like, there's no way it's Mike White. I'm just getting confused because the name of the show is the White Lotus I was like no his name is Mike White. My one's kind of like what I think about when I think of Guy McGovern's Garment Spelling Bee is

Honestly, that was all the partridge I've consumed has melded into one but there's one when he's kind of spitballing pictures But he hasn't actually fleshed them out. He's just having to say things really quickly That's Alan the idea is new listeners here And he the one he does is he sees a partridge amongst the pit partridge among the pigeons and that's like his only that's the idea And I just think it's so funny Like anything where you've got a pun on your name And it's like it's this you know and then you've engineered backwards, but that is always Obviously like all of his stuff knowing me Alan Partridge No, no me Alan Partridge knowing you to Matt aha, and then you have to start the interview by going aha

Which is what he did on his fake talk show and Then the way like later on oh man man I could talk about him all day he's a he's in the in uh No, but in his sitcom I can't remember what it's called I'm Alan Partridge or whatever it is He's like looking at an open home and the real estate agents trying to grease him along. He like, oh, I'm a fan. I loved your talk show and then he gets excited and he goes Aha, which is kind of his catchphrase and the guys obviously never seen it. He just goes Like moves on it's just such a nice moment

Something so delicious about saying pathetic men on the screen on the topic of acquiring a taste for tomatoes, writes this communique from February of this year. This year is 2025, by the way, if you're listening in the future, and I hope you are. And I hope that things are better. Hi gents, love the pod, including this new and holistic approach that skips out

on the endless psychological warfare you use to wage upon your own selves on a weekly basis. In case this one languishes in the mailbag, this email is in reference to Family Times 16, in which Guy gives Tim a punitive surplus tomatoes and much discourse follows. Like you, I did not like tomatoes as a child. That all changed when I was 14, when my great-grandgrandmother died and we all went back to deeply rural Maywood, Nebraska, USA for the funeral After the preacher pissed us all off by spending 10 minutes of his Ele... Oh, what is that word?

Eulogy? Yeah, E-L-E-G-I-A-C. Is that the is that the Allegaic. Allegaic. Is that the adjective for eulogy? Elegiac? I don't know man. I'm gonna look that up. It's a lovely word. God I love people. The people who email in are so awesome. Referring, relating to or characteristic of a eulogy. Wow it is, it's the like adjective form of eulogy. Okay back on. Eulogic, speech on how dinosaur fossils have been placed on mountaintops by the devil to tempt us into sin. We all retired to the local veteran center which was kindly hosting a small lunch potluck style. I found

myself in a sea of Cool Whip poked with islands of ham in aspec, mayonnaise and lime jello together in the same bowl. What the fuck is going on here? Coolips cream right I think so isn't it isn't it aerosol whipped cream I think so that's what I think it is cool whip pocked with islands of ham and aspect do you know what aspik is? ASP IC no This guy's barely writing in them Yeah, this is amazing mayonnaise and lime jello together in the same bowl and bologna sandwiches with miracle whip and nothing else That is to say so I think Yeah, okay. We were trying to piece together how this was a normal, but if we carried on we would have realized they're describing a disaster.

Until I spotted salvation, a huge wooden tray of sliced heirloom tomatoes sprinkled with salt. I swear they glowed with a faint golden light, but that could have been some diabetic hallucination brought on by the other food on offer. It was Augusta Nebraska and some good wife had clearly grown these in her own garden Picked them that day and brought them down to honor my great-grandmother Edna They were the only edible thing there, but not only were they edible. They were divine Completely reversed my course and I remain to this day an ardent lover of fresh garden Tom's yours Arlo It's a beautiful story well told clean I felt like eating when he said that's you know the tray of tomatoes with this the

salt I wanted one I mean that's that's good writing it was so it's good writing hey well done I got a big we want to eat it some I got a I Got a nice little sort of big boy to send us home. You ready? I'm so ready for it Possibly From today Holy moly Hey Tim and guy I'm writing to convey a mildly surreal experience. I just had I'm writing to convey a mildly surreal experience I just had. My brother recently introduced me to a comedian named Joe Perra, and I've been watching and

listening to some of his work recently. This evening I sat down and picked a random track from his series, drifting off with Joe Perra. Fair play to Joe, the track put me right under and I was asleep right until the end of the 30ish minute runtime. I woke up to the sound of Guy conversing with Joe, and I thought, what a coincidence! I didn't know these two had collaborated. I was surprised to learn, upon re-listening while fully awake, that the clip of Guy and

Joe talking only lasts for about 30 seconds, and as far as I can tell is the only recorded collaboration between them. It was a nice surprise. All the nicer for having managed to catch such a short clip, which is as far as I can tell the only one of its kind out of sheer luck, waking up at the right moment to catch it. I do understand this not a very interesting story, especially for Tim who's been left out in the cold entirely. But here we are. I'd like to quickly echo a sentiment I've heard from other listeners. You boys steadfast positivity and support of each other has done a lot to lift my spirits during some dark times. And I really appreciate what you do and who you are.

And that's a big old 10-4 thanks good buddy from Steve. Oh, I love that Steve. And I don't think, have we ever talked about that? Because that's, that is very cool. Uh, going on drifting off. Yeah. Yeah, that is cool. I don't know if we have. It was fun. I mean, like, you know, I was friendly with Joe when I was in New York. He was always very, he's a very kind person. And he's very funny. and he was doing an episode on Australia for

drifting off and he wanted a New Zealand perspective and so it was very relaxed we organized the time to talk on the phone I'm pretty sure it was just on the phone and we spoke for like an hour and you know with the freedom that I was there was not interest it was at first bit at first. I was like, okay I'm on the phone. I'm going on this podcast, but eventually you're just having a phone call Yeah, just what he wants I think for it and then you he whittles it down to whatever it is We're just talking about like memories of growing up and stuff and then I listened back to it and he like interplay that he took The Aaron Chen and Sam Campbell as well and those guys

It's actually something I noticed anyway, they're so funny like when everybody interviews I've done interviews with Aaron before for spelling bee and my instinct when I'm on an interview is I I Think different comedians have different approaches I can't help but be kind of earnest and I engage with everything at face value and he's always so naughty and cheeky and It was the same on that where I'm like talking to Joe quite openly and earnestly about whatever's coming up and they're just being So funny and I was like damn son of a gun But you know, you can't change who you are and I like it. It was awesome. I like I love that series as well

I know completely what you mean because again, you know, this podcast has been going a long time I have brought this up previously. But Tom Furness is my version of that. Many, many years ago, we won the 48-hour film competition in New Zealand. I was part of a team of his friends that he just let me kind of join, and then randomly we made this one that won

the whole contest. And we did a bunch of interviews off the back of that. And I just see, oh, and also, were were we nominated for the belly tea in the same year? Would that be right? No it was the year before you and I were nominated together because you got nominated twice. It never occurred to me that this was even something you could do I guess I was in you know like my early 20s but Tom Furness would do these interviews with publications and just make up stories wholesale that were completely untrue like about

Everything just his life and his day and whatnot because it was a funny thing to do and I was like, oh, yeah, of course You can just like do whatever you want Especially in a comedy context like you can just say I am in though. Yeah, it it's um it was it was a beautiful it was a very instructive useful thing to watch especially at such a young age just be like man you can do whatever the fuck you want you have to be young that guy's so funny the truth he was a he was an inspiration when I started I remember when I first saw him doing a stand-up set I was living in Canada and they were nominated for the Billy T and they filmed them and put them online and I remember thinking He's so funny and liking it and also not liking him for it because I was jealous that he was already funny in a

Way that I was aspiring to be you in fairness ran a show the original whammy comedy show, isn't it? Comedy loser Brigade it was a wine cellar that's right there's some crazy shit happened there I'd say one of I won't go into details but one of the worst things I've seen on stage as performed by David Correios took place at one of those shows and afterwards I remember talking to him and I said David I love you I respect that you're pushing boundaries but never do that at one of my shows ever again. On that cheerful note about boundaries and friendship, we will bid you all a warm day, morning, night, dusk.

I would like to welcome you to dusk, whichever dusk it is. It's dusk both ways, eh? Is it dusk in the morning and dusk at night? No, it's dusk till dawn. So it's dusk by night, dawn by day. Righto. But your transmission is gratefully... Guy, for our listener, our sole libertarian listener. Not that we've only got one libertarian listener. We've only got one listener who is libertarian just in case you're new around here. I Reckon and it's you every day a

Little every day whatever it is call well every day baloney sandwiches a Little yeah, it can be that it could be it could be anything but a little every day. That's what you need You don't need to do it all today. Just a little every day But twice I'd be all time