The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Time 26

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

It’s Thumbs Up’s all around as Guy and Tim struggle to understand the technology bringing them together for the record but fear not - in spite of persistent animated thumbs and illness, the boiz will not be deterred from reading your absolutely wonderful messages. A return to toilet discourse, an appreciation for the warmth of Thanksgiving and solid tips for young straight Wellington men on the prow, await you.Support us on Substack to save Guy's voice! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. Hello friends and family. Welcome along. Guy, you look confused and disgusted. Yeah, well look, we're not together and um... That is confusing and disgusting. This is an animated thumb next to my head that was not asked for, warranted or appropriate. You saw that too, huh? Yeah, well, I wondered if you saw it. I saw the thumb.

You took it in stride. I was throwing. Yeah, these things, they do, it's the machines, it's the AI, it's just, you've got your hand up now. I thought that might do something, but no, it just looks like a question. Oh, you're trying to trigger another thumb coming up.'s a black box mate none of us know what's going on anymore it's you know I'm looking forward to I think I hope and I pray and

I suspect that we're gonna get offline now I think AI is gonna take over and just rip the place up here and I think we we're all going to go back to Ink and Quill and sending homing pigeons around with little letters for each other. That's interesting. Baking bread in the shire before too long. I watched Her, the Spike Jonze, like 2013 sort of sci-fi romcom, romcom, the thumbs back. Thumbs back. Yesterday on my flight home, I was away. And I've been meaning to rewatch it for a while since people have been forming relationships with their chat bots and whatnot.

Pretty prescient. Pretty good stuff. I thought it was good. And it was sort of, I suppose it's open to interpretation how you watch it, but at the end, spoilers here, let's just skip forward like 30 seconds a minute if you haven't watched her and would like to without knowing the ending.

But at the end, when all of the OS, the operating systems start talking to each other and falling in love with each other and like leaving the human world to go and just live with all of each other. I was sort of like, you know, and then Joaquin Phoenix's character goes back to hang out with Amy Adams and it looks like, because her, she was sort of fucking around with her OS as well. And I was like, that's a pretty hopeful outcome for how it's going. It is, it is. I think people are gonna be a lot more,

they're gonna be a lot angrier, they're gonna take things a lot worse. And I also don't think that the color palette of the world in which we'll be living when this all happens is gonna be nearly as beautiful. You don't think it's gonna be a Fuji film pastel LUT baked into our lives as a result of the coming AI renaissance? Why so many thumbs for you and why no thumbs for Timbo?

Like just because I assume most of you would just be listening to this little unless you're watching in which case I don't even know if the thumb is captured. The thumb's probably surely not It'd be insane if if this platform every other sentence I get a thumb from overlords anyhow Look the truth of the matter is is 922 on a Tuesday. It is I'm I've had I got I was sick. I Became ill actually a week ago, over a week ago,

last Sunday, I fell ill and I rested and I thought I'd beaten it, but it's got a long ass tail, whatever it is. Do you think this, again with the thumb on that, very good. I will just keep everyone up to date with when the AI decides guys said something cool. Do you think it's one of those situations where you've just been going so hard for the last period that

you you gave your body a tiny little room to breathe and it's gone right now? I'm gonna sort that virus out of Ben. Yeah but like it's interesting because I was going hard for a long while but then I got a like a chunky break of three weeks and the first two weeks my health I was in rude health you know and then right before I had to start doing things again I became unwell. So anyway it's not interesting it's not important but it does mean like you know I think historically at least you know since and just like that's been on the cards

There's been a real pep in the step of our conversations and if you if you're noticing a more sort of laconic Sort of attitude for me and perhaps even a slightly different Cadence of my voice that is You know half-stre, Monty. Yeah. You're getting me at 50%, but it's great to see you. You've just been, uh, at a, at a new material comedy night and you've not performed so much, you know, in like the last year or so.

So I want to know how it was. Um, it was awesome. It was great. I ended up hosting Eli Matthewson was supposed to host and I soon got a better offer. So I Stepped up. I was going to perform some new material and get it assessed by the crowd But did that in the form of an MC? Angela Dravid the current Fred winner was on as was Juanie Hortony who was the current Billy T winner. So the nine to 11 people in the crowd tonight got a real treat in terms of the creme de la creme of New Zealand comedy. And how did, how did you go?

How did your material go? Actually, I went awesome, man. I wrote and I sat down and wrote there's a thing that happened ten years ago that I sat down and wrote a couple of days ago and Yeah, it's it went well went really well, which has got me pumped for next year's show. It's got promise It's got legs. Is that what you'd say? Definitely. Oh, yeah, the people they were a laughing Well, that's great, which is good Shall we dip into the mailbag my friend? Well also you know we were away you were in Wellington how did it all go? Hey Welly was awesome and can I say this for our nation's capital. Me and my

fantastic business partner Paul, we have a company together where we produce live shows, mainly comedy, maybe a little music in our future. We went out for dinner to celebrate our success because we pulled it off, sold out show that we helped for Te Fingga put on. Flawless victory, everyone had a wicked time. Great. We went out for some drinks with Paul's friends and we went to Chow.

You've been to Chow, right? I mean, I used to go to Chow, like, you know, you'd be talking 2009. Mm, a staple in Wellington and the CBD. And you couldn't swing a dead cat for hitting a woman between the age of 20 to 32. It was such a female, heavy, fully packed restaurant that I asked the server, is it like ladies night tonight?

And she said, no. And there was so few dudes there. So if you are a man on the prow in Wellington looking for a young woman, Don't say on the prow. Go to chow, apparently at 11.30 p.m. on a Saturday night. It's a turn of phrase guy maybe it's antiquated at this point maybe that one should be retired from the lexicon. What was it? Is it if you're a man on the prowl and then what did you

follow it up with? Go to chow? No no no there was a bit in between which is what we'll see. Yeah yeah if you're a man on the prowl looking for a young woman. Let's not re-litigate what I said. Yeah we don't need to go too fine-toothed comb with it. My point was it was like a bafflingly chock-a-block full of female restaurant clientele and service to be honest, too So actually me Paul and his friend and then the rest were women. There's gotta be like a hundred people in there Happy to hear it. Yeah So, um to the mailbag a letter for you

Yeah, sure thing hi boys I've written before and, oh yeah, also, I just want to say, because we kind of, so in the last podcast episode, we teased that we're gearing up to do an exciting project. The production of that, hopefully, Monty Southspeth's standing is actually happening pretty soon and I'm pretty excited about that. That genuinely that is what I am in recovery for right now.

That is much appreciated the dedication to the cause. That's what we're working towards. Hi boys I've written before and hearing my message read out was honestly an out of body experience and a high, almost unique amongst all I've experienced. So now I'm back for more. This time however, I'd like to recognise your contributions to Deathblart. I grew up in the United States and every year for the past decade, I have saved your podcast from my drive from wherever I was living to whichever family members

house I was heading towards that particular Thanksgiving. There's an almost Pavlovian effect of hearing the opening moments of that podcast on the day or even on a re-listen. It triggers the anticipation of the warmth of family, the feeling of yet another year that is raced by in the mildly unhealthy Parasocial camaraderie that comes from hearing the voices of these five Friends of mine. I now live in the US and experienced my first Thanksgiving without family around I instead saved your podcast for a long train journey from my home and me. Oh, sorry. I now live outside the US I saved from my home in, oh sorry, I now live outside the US. I saved your podcast for a long train journey from my home in Munich to a Christmas break in Paris. I

was feeling lonely, both for my missing family on this most important of American holidays, thumbs up from Guy on that one, and dealing with the fallout of a crumbling relationship. But the moment I heard your voices I felt a real comfort. I would end this by reminding you how much you mean to so many, but you get that a lot, perhaps too much for the good of your enormous egos. So instead I will state a more uncomfortable darker and I think widely held opinion. I liked it when you two were hurting yourselves during the normal seasons. There's no thumbs up guy is now head and hands. Hearing your

legitimate pain truly brought me huge joy and comfort and there was no way I could have been ignorant of your suffering or thought you were playing a character or hamming it up. You stated it often, clearly, and cogently. I think even if you were unable to understand human speech, the tenor of your voices in the last quarter of each season is like that of an animal being hurt. The undeniable agony of another living creature. But then again, us libertarians have never been known for our empathy. Best of wishes to you, your families, etc. It's signed off in capitals SMNE and then three I's and then an SB. SMNE III SB. Like all together. I'll put it in the chat to see if that sort of rings any bells seeing it there.

But what a phenomenal piece of correspondence. Yeah certainly um the turn at the end was uh you know it was it wasn't just you saying it, you supported it with like the specific visceral kind of emotional pleasure that you gained from the situation we would put ourselves in, which was quite remarkable. You really boiled it down to its essence. And so I, I fear you, but I'm sort of impressed by you. And also the thing that we're cooking up at the moment, guess what everyone, we're back.

Wow, look, you don't need to get turned to that right now. I'm just excited. Dear, just like bat, and So Help Me Guy, Loving the new season. Here's a counterpoint. So great to have you back in the saddle and on a mission without the horrifying descent and the total insanity that repeated viewings did to you

and your wonderful friendship that we're all lucky to share in. The recent and just like that episode 3 KFC rant was an all-timer and will live in my mind rent-free next time I partake of the Colonel's finger-licking bits. Finger-licking bits? Bits is too versatile a word. Anyhow, I just saw a news headline that may be particularly relevant to you. That's a too versatile a word. Anyhow, I just saw a news headline that may be particularly relevant to you. It's time to bring back the Lou review.

The New Zealand hero would have tried to steal your thunder by sending some inexperienced hack to do a video review checking out the new $2.3 million ribbed for your pleasure ever-changing neon light show public toilets on the corner of Taranaki Street and Dixon Street in the Wellington CBD. The slightly bored junior reporter was clearly out of his league. These lewes need a connoisseur, an expert, someone who's willing to do what it takes to really get in there and do the business. Wellington is the capital of strange lew 2011 lobster lose at Queen's War for the stuff of nightmares and honestly

We deserve better Lou journalism in our lives. What is going on in our capital city? Keep on finding the awesome dresses and watching the damn things. We don't have to and say my name AJ with a link To the review of Wellington's new two point three million dollar public toilets Those toilets they have been getting a lot of chatter. A lot of chatter on the talkback stations. I know. What do you make of it? I know the economy's in the tank and you've got to be spending funds responsibly. I do. But I also think sometimes you think sometimes you spend some fucking

money make some cool shit you know and toilets are important they're undervalued I think it's a it's a cool thing I'm with you I think anytime I mean you know there's always something to complain about isn't it and it's always easy pickings a council spent money on art. Yeah. And then a landlord who owns something next to it's going, it's a waste of my money. Always crossed arms, always above the age of 45. There's no spend that is going to be universally beloved. But every time that this will become part of the fabric of a city, five years, ten years when we don't remember the price tag people gonna say god damn I love that

sculpture or I love those toilets exactly so shove it in your jocks and with the toilet as well like a toilet is going to cost some amount of money which I'm gonna guess is probably around $800,000 bare minimum so really what you're quibbling over is not two million, it's 1.2 million. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. It's a toilet Tim, how much can it cost? $800,000? $900,000? Deep cut though for the uninitiated which I've got to assume is most of you. Guy and my relationship began when I was reviewing toilets for Guy.

Guy was effectively my boss on the Lou review beat. You were like my editor. You were my subbing. In a way. Yeah, I was. I was right. I was a hard boss, but a fair boss. I am digging into the sub stack now, there's some some dusty old messages in here That I'm gonna look at out So you fellas would enjoy this is from January the 28th which year I'm gonna assume this year But I'm not a hundo on that thought you fellas would enjoy blast from the past

for your historical dare I say Hysterical NZ Post was up to in when the giant Kakapo roamed the earth, rivaling the mighty Moa for dominance. And then it says Link hidden, and there is no possible way for me to unhide that link. So thank you Michelle for a confusing message via the sub stack inbox. That's great. I'm just in our Instagram right now. A lot of people sending us the meme of Carrie at her laptop saying, and as our country entered World War 3, I couldn't help but wonder, is it time to focus on World War Me? Your wife flame-reacting an image of you in your brand new jumpsuit which I've got to say. That's great for me. Yeah. Zoe's a very stylish woman so. Cynthia Nixon posting a photo with Seema and Zoran.

You know about that? Oh wait, so again, what, a photo, do they meet up? Three days ago, yeah, Seema and Cynthia Nixon, and it was the actor who plays Seema, and Zoran all got together. I didn't think it was the real who plays Sima and Zoran are all going together. I didn't think it was the real Sima dude If Mamdani is in If he makes it, if he becomes the mayor, which my understanding is that it's not a foregone conclusion

But you know chances are very good If he pops up in the next season all is forgiven There's nothing to forgive. They're already creaming it. I think I had to say it's not Seema because she's holding a sign that says, freeze the rent. And as someone who works in real estate, it seems like it's a clear delineation. If anything, it's kind of disorienting to say it because she's dressed nicely, the way

Seema often is. And so, I mean, but this could go back to what I was saying in the last episode of the podcast, which is that we could be watching the humbling of Seema across the rest of the season. Time will tell. She could be coming back to Earth. Hey, boys. This one to us from 9th February from Allie. Hey boys, just dropping off a quick message for you to say Monty and Chelsea looked absolutely fantastic in the photo I saw of them on Insta at the ACTA Awards. Hey!

Guy, how often are you suited and booted? Looking good! While I'm here, I'd like to say thank you for the Cats 2 full movie referral from y'all. That was fully incredible and you were totally right to watch the entire movie before watching the podcast episode and interview. So that was with the fan made um Cats project. Yeah you don't need to tell me twice. Yeah, yeah, sorry. The musical production, puppetry, and so much more was nothing less than an artistic and technical masterpiece.

Cheers. Don't say my name. Well whoops. But a first name's okay, isn't it? Yeah, you're right. Hey, I've got a bit going on here. Do you want to handle it? right hey I've got a bit going on here you would miss the window to tell people about it because it is now July but there's a bakery in Sydney on Oxford

Street there it must have been a spawn con with Max because Max have just launched in Australia but they turned it into a Hot Fellas so there was actually there was a Hot Fellas like bakery in Sydney. Lucky Sydney. Sydney's the perfect place for that. Yeah it makes a lot of sense. I'm surprised. Also I've got one here. They should have done it in Darlinghurst though. Wear it up to me. I'll put it in Darlinghurst or Darling Harbour. You really get pop-off. I'm surprised. Also I've got one here. They should have done in Darlinghurst though. Wear it up to me. I'll put it in Darlinghurst or Darling Harbour. You really get pop-off. I think Oxford streets. Oxford streets are pretty quid friendly. I think it's quite close to Anzac Park if memory serves. Who's to say? Me. Anyway, it's another one here. No you're not.

You're trading on memories from 15 years ago. They don't move the streets though. No, but you don't know. Oh, the memory is the... Yeah, yeah, I gotcha. So this is just another person from a few weeks ago. G'day fellas, just want to let you both know, and I'm not trying to be a bitch, but yeah, you absolutely can over mashed

potatoes it will release too much starch causing a gluey gunky mess again not trying to be rude because you're both literally like my best friend but yeah you might want to take down that last pod sorry I really like that one I like the attitude and I like the refusal to sort of acquiesce to that little voice in your head that said to not send it to your best friends Tim and Guy. We need to know. The truth must come out. The truth must come out about the mashing of the potatoes.

I forwarded you an email Guy because I didn't know if you had enough correspondence but I'm also mindful that perhaps you want to save your voice and it did look a bit girthy. So you have a perusal and I'll Read I'm speaking in soft tones and I've got a mug of hot water here. Beautiful So I'll have a go This is recent. Okay Hi Tim Tam and Geiger counter. Fair warning. This is a long one In all my years listening to you two talk

absolute porridge with each other, I've never felt so absolutely compelled to write to you more than what I have felt in the last few days. Granted, there have been plenty of times where a topic of discussion came up that I wanted to contribute to by writing an email, but for me, this feeling passed each time, until recently, where I just have to say something about this show to anyone.

My partner, friends, coworkers just won't get it. Much like the two of you, Guy in particular, I was excited for the new season to end just like that to come out. Not to watch, but to listen to your weekly episodes discussing it. See, I didn't watch the first two seasons. I only listened to the podcast

and was planning on doing the same thing for season three. Let me tell you, that was more than enough consumption of New York City ladies as it is. Just before the first episode of the new season was due to release, I fell very, very ill. I've made a full recovery now but this knocked me around and left me at home for two weeks with nothing to do I'm sure you can guess where this is going, but I binged the first two seasons of in just like that in just a few days I'm gonna preface the rest of this email by letting you know that I did not enjoy the show Maybe it was the conditions in which my viewing experience occurred, but I like to think that it's mostly mattress pikelet Kings fault But what else was I to do with my time?

I underwent the journey. On my final day of the binge, season three, episode one had been released. And I began wrapping up season two, episode 11, The Last Supper, part two, at 7.30 at this point, and in the Australian winter, it tends to get completely dark around 6pm.

There's still plenty of time left in the evening to start and finish the first episode in season 3, bringing myself completely up to date and get to bed at a more than reasonable time. But partly due to being sick and needing my sleep, partly due to wanting to leave the new episode as a treat in quotation marks for the new day, I made the decision to call it there and turn in early. To make a long story short, I had a fever dream, no, a fever nightmare that was set in the end just like that universe. To make a long story short, not to make a long story long, here's how it went.

I was at the Last Supper sitting to the right of Carrie. If you're a true fan, you'll remember that Carrie goes around the table starting from her left. Each character has to say one thing they want to let go of. This meant that I would go last. As we began to go around the table, replaying the episode live, Shay makes their quirky remark, Bobby Lee says something obnoxious, etc. But as we start to get off the side characters and into the main ladies, it becomes a melting

pot of problems and rehashing old dramas that occurred and were resolved in previous episodes. This quickly escalates into arguments and shouting. Steve and Aidan enter the apartment, shouting at their exes. The table begins to fall away through the apartment floor and the group were all sitting facing each other, knees touching those opposite, in some sort of musical chairs room layout, if that was played inwards instead of outwards. I can't recall the topics of arguments, but as you two so elegantly described this show in your most recent podcast episodes all of Mattress Pie Clips pots were boiling over furiously. The dream turned to nightmare when the group's knees and arms started merging together eventually turning into one giant

living room sized mass of skin and flashy dresses. But don't worry this doesn't stop the group fighting I could still hear the yelling only muffled as if it were loud club music and I was walking by outside. Thankfully, the dream ended and I woke up in a sweat. The downside? I didn't get to say the one thing I'd let go of, which would have been my Mac subscription. I'm not sure if my sleep that night would have been better or worse if I'd watched the latest episode I won't think too hard on it. What I can say for sure

is that this show has changed me for the worse but now I have to finish. My only hope of escape is that the show ends here and does not go to a fourth season. That's all. Guy, I look forward to seeing your show in July and Tim, I look forward to your return to Oz in the coming years, if that is ever on the cards in future Comedy Festival runs. Say my name, even if it isn't, Emmet. What in the Stephen King is that dream, man? A massive Sex in the City spin-off bodies melded together, but still fight. There's something about the still fighting while they emerge that is like uniquely horrifying to me. I'm really impressed by the, um, like the visceral memory of the dream.

You clearly, I don't know if you journal you journal but or like it obviously stayed with you because Often a recounting of a dream it falls over at the soft focus nature, but that was really we were in the driver's seat So, thank you Dear frosty fellas and if I said we're gonna we're gonna call it after this So I'm gonna sit back and enjoy if history is any guide Me in the far future Well Well I'll have you know, you haven't stated if I can say your name or not, so I'll just say thank you paid subscriber who messaged us on the 1st of March this year. I want to drop your line to say I'm currently on a two-week vacation. Well, not currently.

So sorry about that. Suck it up. In the southern island of your lovely country. And me and my wife are having a grand old time. We've enjoyed. I'm going to assume this is supposed to say tramping around Nelson and Abel Tasman National Park. Thumbs up from going that one.

Seeing Mount Cook, Lake Tekapo and Wanaka., thumbs up from Guy on that one. Seeing Mount Cook, Lake Tekapo, and Wanaka. Another thumbs up from Guy on that. And what is triggering it, man? It's so random. I'm just looking, I'm analyzing it now I'm sitting back, and do you know what it is? What? It's the way I'm holding the mic.

Oh, it's seeing, you're right. It's detecting it. Oh wait, so if I do a thumbs up, will it do it for me? No. It's just a guy thing. Very interesting. Sorry, as I was. Trapping, yes.

Seeing Mount Cook. I've got to that bit. And now in Queenstown with stops left in Te Anau and Milford Sound it was your affable devil may care friendliness from back in the early Twi'owet days that put NZ on my must get around to visiting list and boy am I glad I did. If you're still reading consider this an invitation if either of you happens to be near the Auckland Airport between 12 I'm getting deja vu. We've read we've had this. Oh really?

These are these are friendly people. There's a very good-looking photo of them I think maybe on a boat at the end of it. Oh and they ask us for a beer at Auckland Airport Oh, wow, you are good Yes, so this must come to us via email as well. Thank you for heading that off at the pass. So, we didn't make the beer, but you got that read out pretty much bang on time, and you got a second bite at the apple, you lucky duck. So never talk shit about us again in your glowing messages. Can I, well, I don't want to end on a repeat, can I speed read the last one?

Yeah, but it has to all be one breath If you could see what I can see right now Ambition is the name of the game here. This is gonna this is tough. I Just had oh I got I'm retake hold up I can get another run at it It's like the Olympics even three fouls, hold up. I can get another run at it. It's like the Olympics. I got three fouls, two fouls. I just heard an ad for mosh bars on a different podcast. Someone else is harvesting the seeds you two sowed. The boys must be paid.

Sorry to drop in with this news. I love every minute of your shows with my favorite being Weak at Cats and Podcasts in a Tree. If you ever come to do a show in Dallas, Texas, it will put me in the very awkward position of having to explain to whoever I bring along what this whole thing is and why we have spent years listening. I can only hope it happens some day. The end is just salutations. So we've got pretty much gone. They did say though, this seems worth adding on, it was the Omnibus

podcast episode on April 3rd 2025 at 1910 if you want to hear the treachery for yourself. I can only hope it happens someday. What would be say my name? Andrea. It is more fun if you make if I make you sweet over how to pronounce it. What is the last bit about? It was the Omnibus podcast episode on April 3rd at 1910 if you want to hear the treachery for yourself Don't I Andrea thank you so much guy. Thank you so much. I hope you get some bed rest and you're feeling real good soon Yeah, I'm gonna be feeling tip-top shortly brother. Don't worry about that And can I say to you Tim and to everyone listening or who wrote in?

Thank you so much for all of your well wishes. I know you're thinking of me And I'm looking forward to I'm gonna top I'm gonna re boil the jug You know put this up Yeah, it's a cough at the moment that comes on by night and morning and you know if I got I was um Banished last night. Too many coughs. Rough. Too many coughs. Big day coming up for Chelsea.

Yeah. So I was, we got a full house. I was on the couch. First time in my, first time in our entire relationship, someone's on the couch. Yeah, it's not for the worst reason. Uh... So I'm ambitious. I said I'm coming back to bed tonight and you watch. Zoe did tell me there's one thing you can get legally in New Zealand that does suppress coughs and I cannot for the life of me remember what it is.

But it's, you know, night time anyway so you can't get it tonight. So, hopes and prayers for you, Guy Montgomery. And peace and love to all who celebrate. All time