The Worst Idea Of All Time - Family Time 3

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

It’s another beautiful day in the TWIOAT universe and we’re long overdue to take some time out to talk to the family. The fellaz hear about Tom Hooper's Christmas tree faux pas, give dating advice to a listener who has only been on one date, and then catch up on a popular TikTok about Shrek and pens. The boiz have got some of the most beautiful fan art from @DRAWINGSBYPATS on Instagram before uniting to sing the mutual praises of the great and powerful Carlo Ritchie.Guy’s upcoming showsTim’s upcoming showsArt by Tomas CottleTheme by MontaigneAll the TWIOAT links Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time, it's the worst idea, it's the worst idea of all time. Hi everybody, welcome to Family Time. And I'm going to make history by just punching him with a letter right off. How do you think? I feel good. How do you think? How do you think, bro? I kind of find something to gravitate towards. And then I let my mind spin it around and around until sort of other thoughts occur to me on the basis of the original thought.

Read the letter before we... You make it sound so out of control. This is from Tom, and it's from March 17, 2022. Hi there. I had to put off listening to your podcast for a while because I had no idea where to begin and the number of episodes seemed overwhelming. Fair enough.

So I did the laziest thing. Jenny. And started with the most recent episode And I'm glad I did Toward the beginning You both talk about the letter E And about books Did you know there is a French novel from the 1960s Written entirely without the letter E

And then someone translated it into English Also without the letter E Crazy It's called Avoid By Georges Persec If you want to check it out. I tried reading it once though and it was terrible. Probably could have used the letter E.

Thanks for a fun podcast and all the best from Brooklyn, New York Tom. And he hasn't said this. I'm assuming it's he. Tom hasn't said this but I'm assuming that is Tom from myspace yeah the original friend didn't bring it up i respect that yeah stay humble tom absolutely what is tom

doing now hard to say i don't know that's probably having a good life that's the problem with all these tech giants they make something it gets successful and then they still have to feel like their fucking claws are in everywhere. Just fucking go to the beach. What's up, man? I got one for you. Let's hear it. Do you happen to know the man for the job of Rat Sa of New York City?

And then a link to an article from Gothamist.com. New York City is hiring a Rat Sa. C-Z-A-R, you know. Za? Za. Sa? Za. Za. General aura of badassery required. C-Z-A-R C-Z-A-R C-Z-A-R

General aura of badassery required And basically what it says is A job listing for a director of rodent mitigation Which a City Hall spokesperson described as a rat czar Based in City Hall, the individual will report to Mayor Ojoshe The Deputy Mayor of Operations, and will be paid a salary between $120,000 to $170,000. Fuck, that's not bad.

So they basically... I think they're going to need more than one person, though. It's not clear whether or not they are in charge of rallying and controlling the rats or sort of trying to reduce the number of rats. And I suppose it's down to the user's interpretation. I don't know my Russian history at all well, but I'm pretty sure a rat king is above a rat czar. All right.

Right? I mean, I don't know. Me neither. Pats writes, Hello, Tim and Guy. The inflection was mine. Thank you. I'm a relatively new listener.

Oh, yeah. This was also from March of 2022. Shout out to March of 2022. But you fellas are already two of my faves. I came across Twioette after watching Taskmaster NZ and thinking, this guy is real funny. I should check out some more of his stuff. And to my delight, I found this treasure of a podcast.

I've been catching up on old episodes, one of which was a live stream of friendzone on YouTube, where you asked for people to send in their art. And since I can't hashtag pay the boys, I thought I'd donate my labor. Here are some drawings. Feel free to do whatever you want with them. Hope you enjoy.

Have a lovely day. Pat's from Portugal. You can say my name. Holy shit. These are good. It's just loading on my phone, man. You're going to share them? I'm trying to share. Yeah, that's one. Look at that. Oh.

Oh, shit. Drawing by Pats on Instagram. Is it? Do you know the tag off the top of your head? I fucking follow them. Their shit is super legit. You mad? This is so awesome. Their illustrations are crazy oh my god there's two of them look at the other one drawings by pets is the account yeah those this

is so awesome rock i'm gonna send money to pat not vice versa because i want the ability to put this on t-shirts and sell them yeah so the account is drawingsbypats. If you follow them. I can't believe I sat on this for a year. If you follow them on Instagram. Pats could be dead now. Nah, Pats is still posting. Fuck. Or someone who's doing a very good job.

I know drawingsbypats because drawingsbypats sent me or tagged me in an illustration not long after that Taskmaster season came out. I didn't know there was more. Oh, man, this is such good shit. I've got to tee up with Pats. It's a very cool. I'm going to commission some art for the show from Pats,

and then Pats can give us some money. It says here for commissions, DM me. Oh, man. There it is. I love the art style. There you go. It's so good. Yeah.

We've got one from an old friend of the podcast. Yeah. Hello there, my favorite Enfrosted Boys. Just a short one, but I thought you should know that I live not far from Cats director and celluloid terrorist Tom Hooper. Celluloid. Oh, celluloid is in film. Yeah.

He was once pointed out to me at a local village fair. Anyway, he's only just put out his Christmas tree. Seven days late. This is a crime almost as bad as cats Photo enclosed Say my name slowly Let's Tom Katsumi

Oh Tom Katsumi Tom You are an old friend of the podcast Great to hear from you Crazy Because if you do the math That means my man's putting his tree out on the 2nd of Jan? No

If you do the math Oh 8th of December No When are the trees supposed to go out? He's throwing his tree out Oh, got it And according to the internal logic of Mr. Katsumi Trees should be put out by the 7th of January

Because this message was sent on the 14th Beautiful Tied in a bow Do you agree a bow tie a bow on it or disagree whatever i understand it um i can't agree with it because i myself like am not good at timing with trees look man we've got weirdly two little fir trees at this house that are just there all the time like two christmas trees do you ever shave them i haven't yet we've only lived here for a little while they haven't needed it just yet but i probably will i was trying to word play on the word for i see swing and a miss my bad not my bad come on man that was my bad regarding episode 43 emmanuel the musical shrek content Wow lots of it's just lots of words Isn't it yeah this person

Writes hello to Maura And God windy Gone dwindy Is that a Marvel thing This Is my first email to my favorite Boys I've been listening since like

Growing ups to 2006 Maybe I don't know and it's been pretty great to have you guys in my life for so long i was finishing high school in 2006 teen sorry i said that wrong 2016 you did i have two points for you both to consider one for each boy first point do you want the first or second i want the first here is it so i've got a hyperlink here here is a tiktok of a guy who watched shrek one wrote down the entire script surely he could have got this online but whatever and then created a program for a machine to write it on a big fuck off piece of paper that then he framed he also refilled the pen with ink instead of buying a new pen something i admire but also

seems like he's making his life harder than it needs to be this level of dedication to a project and the level of details within the project is something i think you have in common with this man do you want the audio of the tiktok yeah that's how i got a robot to write out the entire movie shrek i forgot i'm on Bluetooth. Hold on. I've got to put it through the microphone or else it'll sound bad for the people. And Tim is all about the people.

So I just started off by just watching the whole movie and writing down everything that they said. And then I laid out a big piece of paper on a CNC machine, which is like a meant for cutting wood and making cabinets and stuff and i was like oh maybe i can just shove a pen where the like cutting bit goes but it ended up kind of looking like alien hieroglyphics so i was like okay i need to come up with something new so 3d printed out this pen holder and got these linear bearings that would make it slide back and forth and shoved the pen up there with a... So it seems

like what's happened here is this guy's just had an idea to do something and just fucking stuck with it. Yeah. Figured out all the kinks. That is probably very satisfying to some people. Yeah. And are you one of those people guy? Not especially. Second point. I'm going to take this one. Have you heard

of the podcast Sentimental in the City? It is a mini season within the sentimental garbage party it is so good and really made me love sex in the city the non-canon tv series i've since watched the whole series and found it so much more relatable than i thought was possible unfortunately this makes me even more furious that sex in the city 2 the movie 2 exists fuck that shit right off guy i hope you're able to claim therapy as a work-related expense from re-watching it back to back lots of love forever and ever yet another phd student alina say my name but don't say it wrong it's like Helen, but a quiet H and an A.

So, Aline. Alan. Alan. It's Alan. There's no A in Alan and Helen. I got more. Yeah, you go. In response to repeated

Twio at listen. So this is in response to listener Chris who submitted that very detailed sort of reflection on all of the seasons. Yeah. In response,

so this is in response to that on our Twitter at Twio at pod. I've also listened to the podcast four times minus the podcast and killing your stuff, but I'll get there.

However, I don't dispute Chris Moulton's experience. Expertise, sorry. Perhaps we can share it. I'll track my fifth re-listen and see how I feel. First. Chris is correct.

Season three is the best. Wow. Specifically, season three, Box Office Gold, remains a high point of the whole experiment in a veritable mountain range of sadomasochistic, deliriously charming delights. Box office gold was a reference to someone's penis, and I'm trying to remember who.

Was it Paige? Do you remember? Because I think you came up with it. A dick full of diamonds, mouth full of concrete. I mean, that sounds like it would have been episode title in and of itself. I couldn't place it. But the message continues.

Emmanuel is canon in the same way the message continues emmanuel is canon in the same way and just like that is canon to the original show there's a lot of smut on this podcast isn't there so you know kind of not thank you trina trina she they that is incredible i cannot believe four goes around this party that is nuts yeah and i'm delighted i'm thrilled frankly to hear that someone else thinks that season three is the best because i often write that one off so that's um it's lovely to hear isn't it i mean we've talked about it before you put something out in the world it's not yours anymore this is absolutely true um this is gonna be the last one i read and you can do with that decision whatever you wish.

My father, Patty Schwartz and Blaze Pizza. That is the subject line. You ready for this? Hello, Timbo and Guy Guy. I am listening to your first season and I remembered a story that might interest you. In 2014, my father was opening several Blaze Pizza locations in the Midwest of the USA. As a part of this, he flew to California for a few meetings

and in one of them, met fellow Blaze Pizza owner, Paddy Schwartz. No. When I pushed him for details. You know that guy's on my body. Yeah, and mine too. When I pushed him for details,

the guy and I have tattoos of him, if you forgot. It happened a long time ago. When I pushed him for details on our favorite party animal, he said that he was, quote, what do you guess the quote is? I don't want to say it. Have a guess. Say what you were going to say.

Kind of a dick. Pretty unremarkable. Almost worse. I think I'd, would you rather be called a dick or pretty unremarkable? I'd rather be unremarkable. Almost worse. I think I'd... Would you rather be called a dick or pretty unremarkable? I'd rather be unremarkable. That's fair. P.S. My father no longer owns any Blaze Pizza locations,

so I can't help with the frankly criminal lack of sponsorship. C. My name, Jack. Now, this might be a good... Thank you so much, Jack, for checking in. I guess I'm sorry to hear that your father no longer owns any blaze pizzas unless it wasn't going well for him in which case congrats on offloading blaze pizza still on the up i feel like that trajectory wasn't sustainable no i mean it's not that it's not on the it might have just no way less uh 385 stores you might not be wrong it's 300 plus fuck pretty good from tim uh as of february 2022 the company has 322 restaurants in north

america 16 of which located in canada the rest of the united, as well as 10 locations in... Somewhere in Asia. Japan. No. I'm sticking with Japan. The Middle East. Okay. Okay. I believe I'm still the owner of blazepizza.co.nz,

a domain name I've been paying for for coming up a decade now. So if those motherfuckers want to get into this territory, they got to come deal with me. They better keep growing. I just don't know that they're going to make it. Yeah, I don't think they will either. Is LeBron, wasn't LeBron there, dude?

He was one of the original investors. How much fucking money do you need to pony up to get LeBron? Kia ora, Frosty fellas. Long time listener and love a first time caller here. While? Kia ora, Frosty fellas. Long-time listener and lover, first-time caller here. While listening to my favorite Frosty folks the other day, and your discussion of first dates got me thinking on my own first date experiences. The keep it light mantra really should have come into play on the one date I have been. The poor guy kept talking about his mum who died when he was a child.

I'm more than willing to date anyone regardless of levels of parental mortality. But he also kept saying what a feminist he was. It's a show not tell thing in my book. That's a nice way of talking about that. Anyway, this got me thinking that 27 years of age with only one date under my belt could be improved upon the worst idea of all time dating edition frinder fringe uni yo at rhymes with twio at twio attraction what could be a better use of your time than scouring your nz based listeners for a fella me and my ex used to sing along to

live every moment and my main worry is that I will not find someone with compatible podcast tastes to love every day with. I'm quite confident that the Venn diagram of listeners to your podcast and Andrew Tate's are two separate circles, so that is a good vetting process in itself. I know how much you both love weddings, so when this worst idea works out, you're all invited. Loving every day of my podcasts. S-A-Y-M-Y-N-A-M-E podcasts say my name holly hey holly hey holly so it's the proposal

that we do a podcast series finding a suitor for holly is that is that what's happening it does kind of feel like that yeah yeah. Not totally against it. It's kind of fun. It is kind of fun. But it's, I mean, look, do you know what? When do we holly us? Truth be told, as much as we'd love to, something's got to be said here. We're busy boys. We are.

Why? Why? Because we're doing stand-up comedy. Oh, yeah, that's true. Is it not true? You're parlaying straight on in. You're not really addressing this email. You're just getting to the plug i'm you know i can't i want you to respond to holly holly i love you look down that camera there that's your camera i love the message you sent

um i don't doubt that our podcast and andrew tate's podcast are two separate circles i only found out about andrew tate um when he got arrested i think that's for the best i missed the whole thing you don't need to know about everyone you know i don't and i fucking love it yeah um it's dating's tough dating is tough and it can be fun so it should be fun yeah but it is fraught it's really i mean i think dispensing advice as someone who's in a relationship on dating is kind of um it can read as condescending and i don't want to veer into that territory but if you feel something pursue it you know for better or worse if you feel like you want to go on a date with someone ask them if you're on a date with

someone you feel like you don't want to be on the date tell them great insight guy i'm fucking intelligent you're a dating coach oh second to none eat my shit so on that note force them inside out of me and then chastise me for it and now we will tell you about our activities because we've got activities happening guy and i are busy boys because we're got activities happening. Guy and I are busy boys because we're desperately in the kitchen trying to cook up the very best comedy shows that we can possibly muster to bring to

the dining room of Melbourne and Sydney and Wellington and Auckland and Christchurch and in Guy's case, maybe even some more places that I don't even know about. Adelaide. Adelaide.

Canberra. There you go. The rest, a lot of places. You haven't seen Carlo? I am. Cool. Do you know what I've done with Carlo? What?

You're going to like this, I think. Go on. I figured out that I was going to be in Canberra for a weekend with Carlo. Carlo Rich, everybody. to be in Canberra for a weekend with Carlo. Carlo Rich, everybody. And Carlo had sent me, before this, Carlo sent me a link on Gumtree to a Lego set for the Quickie Mart. Yes.

And he said, you could complete your Simpsons set. And I said, I don't have the space. I'm not getting it sent here. It's also, what, like $600 or something? Those ones, they run up. Is it north? No. I think it was a little south, but you're in the ballpark.

But I said, Carlo, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm getting this fucking scent to your house. And when I'm in Canberra for the weekend, we're going to build it together. Oh, my God. And so I'm going to Canberra. I'm doing one show. And the rest of the time, I'm hanging out with Carlo and family. And we're building the Quickie mart together i love that i don't know if lyra is gonna have the focus needed to put together the quickie mart it sounds like a lot of pieces

lyra is not really going to be involved in the construction process i hope i'm not blowing up his spot but this was just so delightful i mentioned in passing while carlo and i made a podcast together after guy and carlo have made several seasons of their podcast together i got there later we made a different one uh carlo and i made a show called did titanic sink which is a fantastic show i recommend i'm proud of that show it's good carlo is amazing and a very unique man and uh i i mentioned during the course of him coming and recording that, that I really miss getting handwritten letters.

And he recently, I bloody looked in my letterbox where I get a hand written letter from Carlo. He is divine. So absurdly thoughtful. Yeah. He will never listen to this. Yeah. He's also the most talented improviser I've ever met.

You can get tickets to Guy's show At guymontgomery.co.nz All the cities and dates And you can get tickets to my shows And all the cities and dates At timbat.co.nz Just click on the shows bit And then I think it takes you to my link tree

We're going now You can do whatever you want in the meantime I love you I love you Bye bye Is that for me? Everyone It's for Guy It's for Guy.

It's for Guy. It's just for Guy. Tim also loves all of you. It's the best idea, it's the best idea of all time.