The Worst Idea Of All Time - Fifty Six - Guy-tmare

Episode Date: October 16, 2017

Sponsored by DollarShaveClub.comTimbly awakens Guyguy (who is sleeping off a boozy night of activities) with an early morning watch of WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS. Guy's fragile emotional state leads to tears..., pleas and hilarity. Timbly believes Squirrel should be renamed Cody and loves his shirt. Guy can't understand how Dunston Checks In was a hit and gets caught up in the career of young Ben from Friends. But mainly, this is just all about Guy being deeply distressed. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of the Worst Idea of All Time is sponsored by dollarshaveclub.com. Go to dollarshaveclub.com slash worst idea and get yourself some high quality razors at unbelievably low prices delivered to your door. More on that in the middle of this nightmarish episode. Are you going to play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine.
Starting point is 00:00:23 This is a coley bastard. One of the guys that goes screw. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree.
Starting point is 00:00:37 Ah! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Nah. Now it is. Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? I'm just fucking with you. Hi everyone, welcome to episode 56 of the worst idea of all time, season 3, a podcast. My name is Tim Bate and I woke up my friend Guy Montgomery this morning. What is this hellish loop you've trapped me inside?
Starting point is 00:01:10 Bringing in my laptop. Guy had a pretty reasonable sort of a night last night. He's had a pretty reasonable sort of a couple of days, which are all coming to a head. He's off to New York later this evening. It's currently 11am. We've just watched the movie. I can't express how against his own will Guy has watched the film.
Starting point is 00:01:34 I came in here and he was absolutely defenceless, wrapped up in bed, just coming to, to start addressing the day. And he said, what's this? Because I came in with microphones and a laptop i just said nothing and then i came and lay down he said what's this and then i hit play and the movie started playing and he started freaking out on me became increasingly emotional and um despondent. Yeah. I feel so weak and frail. Yeah. Defenseless.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Oh, man. Vulnerable. Man. This is not. This is like, this is not good. Yeah. Guy's not in a great spot. No.
Starting point is 00:02:20 He's just woken up. Oh, man. So Zoe comes in. Yeah. Yeah, and then there was a little ray of sunshine and hope in my morning as Tim's wonderful fiancée Zoe delivered us coffees. And Tim had shut the door behind him. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:02:37 I wanted to keep it dark for you to just, you know. Zoe opened the door, and that was the only opportunity I could see for this ever to end was through the other side of the open door or even really that there is an outside to what's happening I feel so trapped right now and then
Starting point is 00:02:56 I said to Zoe with all the emotion in my voice can you please leave that door open and she closed it because I said to because I thought it was funny. And there was an internal struggle going on for Zoe between the comedy and the kindness. She's a very kind person, but she appreciates a good gag as much as we do.
Starting point is 00:03:17 Yeah, so Zoe shut the door, and then I cried a little bit. Yeah, you did. It's all just come to a bit of a head, hasn't it, Guy? It really has. Today's a huge day. Guy's off to New York City in a matter of hours. Sure am. You didn't see this one coming.
Starting point is 00:03:36 You didn't see this episode of the podcast coming. Not at all, Tim. I can think of, you know, it's not like I have things to do today. I can think of nothing. I texted you. I said, are you not like I have things to do today. I can think of nothing. I texted you. I said, are you in the house? You said, yes. And then I came in.
Starting point is 00:03:51 I was trying to figure out what was going on. This is what's going on. Yeah, it's all happening. Tim, how was that for you? So much better than for you, man. That's all I can say, really. That I could taste what a bad idea it was to throw at you. You know, like it was visceral.
Starting point is 00:04:14 I'm interested here because we do, and have spoken about this before, whereby, you know, we have access to each other at emotional low points, which otherwise, you know is uh otherwise we wouldn't and which outside of the context of the podcast as a friend you would probably look out for the other person and be like hey so how did it feel watching that movie with me yeah knowing what i was going through was it like this is this is good this is for a greater cause or were you like okay i'm maybe being a little bit of a bad guy here um i actually can't remember what it was there was one moment where i felt maybe i'd
Starting point is 00:04:51 overstepped the line but apart from do you know what it was when i was crying tears out of my eyes no no that was funny that was all good stuff i enjoyed that uh it was another it was another moment but maybe it'll come to me later when When I was putting on the thousand-yard stare. That could have been it. There was something I said to you, I think, that really you weren't happy about. I can't remember what it was, though. The moment of respite was I showed you an hour into the movie. Oh, that's right.
Starting point is 00:05:23 I showed you. Oh, this is quite dark though yeah yeah but you say it because you know it's important for us to share on the record you want me to say what
Starting point is 00:05:32 what I said I showed like a one minute YouTube video to Tim that was very funny and we laughed and laughed and I said to Tim as soon as it finished I said
Starting point is 00:05:40 that is the first time I've felt joy today and Tim said I want you to remember that I let you have that. Like a captor. It's fucking dark, but it was, you know, it's all in good fun. Yeah. Even now.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Yeah, it does. I'm on edge. Bounce back out, man. But, hey, in answer to your question, it was all good, eh? I haven't seen the movie in that state for a fortnight because we watched the arthouse version. Yeah. Which just even as I was watching it this week as well,
Starting point is 00:06:17 I couldn't stop thinking about how much work Kind Eric put into that. Didn't he do a good job? Immeasurably good. We love Mr. Eric. Can you throw some words at me that would describe how you found this watch? This 56th watch. Can you believe that, dude?
Starting point is 00:06:37 56 watches of this garbage film. Harrowing. Exhausting. Agitating. Emotional. Probably. Good words so far. I wouldn't use any.
Starting point is 00:06:55 I wouldn't say any of those words are good. Like they all have negative connotations. What those words mean is that it was. Yeah. It's not good, is it? No, it's not good is it no it's not good it's not good it's good it's funny for me it's not funny for you i feel for you a little bit but not so much that i can't appreciate the humor in it yeah well like the thing is tim you're gonna need to generate virtually all of the content for this episode of the podcast. Let's jump into it. It's like Michelle Obama said,
Starting point is 00:07:27 when the guy goes low, I go high. So here it is. That is one of the classic Tim Bette tales that you're about to wind up to some long, snaking, improvised anecdote. So here it is, or so there we were. But it's like your brain, it's like literally watching the buffer that rainbow pinwheel come up on your face like i'm watching you buffer when you say that i don't know what's coming out none of us do we are your friends
Starting point is 00:07:58 after 56 watches a review four boys alike in kind and fear the valley where we lay our scene full of dreams full of hope full of vigor full of youth they don't have dreams they do have dreams they're just not good how do they know i don't think anyone in this movie has left the valley certainly none of the four main guys how do they know that the sushi available in the one place they've been in their lives is the best sushi in a made-up hemisphere yeah they keep referring to the sushi at the strip mall as being the best in the western hemisphere there's so many things wrong with it first of all i've i've never had that sushi the boys have had it doesn't. I can objectively tell them they're incorrect. They must be.
Starting point is 00:08:46 It's a strip mall. It's going to have passable sushi at best. Second. That's very American to me. What? Dismissing the sushi or saying that sushi is the greatest sushi? I know the best sushi place. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:00 We have to go there. It's a lie. I know a sushi place. Yeah. You don't know the best sushi place no one knows the best sushi place no just admit it just admit it man you don't know the best sushi place you know a place where we think is is it are they is it implicit that what they're saying is i know the best sushi place you know nearby here's what i need to tell you about americans before you venture
Starting point is 00:09:25 off to new york i need all the tips i can get this is this is what they base their identity on knowing the best thing yeah this is what they hang their hat on if they don't have that they have nothing so americans just uh scurry around all weekend long looking for the best of everything you're the best around oh man the finest sushi in this god forsaken town
Starting point is 00:09:53 yeah Jarhead this entire identity is built around being severely dehydrated yeah telling people not to call him bro
Starting point is 00:10:02 if they don't know him and telling other people where to get the best sushi. And it doesn't matter if the other people who he's telling where to get the best sushi are engaged in a two-person conversation that he's not a part of. He's too dehydrated to know. Yeah, he's hallucinating. He's sitting by a pool while a couple, like two people, a guy and a girl are flirting with each other at this party.
Starting point is 00:10:25 It's going well. This is by the looking pool. And she says, do you want to know something fun fact? I never get sushi on Mondays because all the fish markets are closed, so it's all old fish. She didn't say that. If she said the word fish twice, that would actually be a funny sentence. Don't you think? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:44 That's a little cheat code for everybody if you want to say something funny just put the word fish in a sentence twice but then he just wades in and says uh you want to know something interesting the best sushi in the world is that fucking cafe sushi and the shit strip mall that i go to it's neither interesting nor accurate yeah nor. Nor like there was no opening. There was no opportunity. Their body language shuts him off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:10 He's sitting on a chair leaning into, if I was at a party and a guy was just leaning into the conversation like that, actually, I'm a sucker for social grace, so I'd probably let him in. But watching that today, I was furious. Yeah, yeah. And you've got every right to be. Because Hillary Clinton, the guy in. Yeah, yeah. And you've got every right to be because Hillary Clinton,
Starting point is 00:11:26 the guy in the movie, not the politician, he doesn't strike me as a man who does well with the ladies all the time, but this is going well for him by the looking pool with Dancing Girl with the bright lipstick on.
Starting point is 00:11:41 And it's just like, just let him have it, my dude. Absolutely. Jai Head, I don't even think has interest in the woman. And it's just like, just let him have it, my dude. Absolutely. Jahid, I don't even think, has interest in the woman. I think he just doesn't. He's too dry to figure out what's happening. So he's just like, oh, they're talking about fish. I've got something for this.
Starting point is 00:11:57 I know the greatest sushi place in the Western Hemisphere. People are like, hey, man, you're coming in pretty thick and fast. Also, that's and fast. Also, that's not true. Also, have you seen a globe? There's an equator and you go north or south of that.
Starting point is 00:12:12 He's a flat earther. I can imagine Jarhead says, you know, Jarhead goes, well, if the world's round then how come
Starting point is 00:12:20 everything in London isn't upside down? You know, like, the guy. Open hearts, Jarhead, flat earth. Yeah. The guy needs, he needs a glass of water.
Starting point is 00:12:31 There's no end game. You're right. There's no point to what he's saying. He doesn't want anything out of it. He doesn't want to be friends with either of the people. He's like the Manchurian candidate. He's heard someone say a word related to sushi and he just clicks into dehydrated
Starting point is 00:12:45 autopilot he's just a rock in there it's fucked man it's a crazy way to live it's no way to live and it's no way to attend a party that uh he also wasn't invited to i might add you know there's a lot of context to this he shows up at the party because they've come to pick zikoli up and decides to just party and um i won't say a lot of good things about James Reid, but he lets the boys stay. He lets the gang hang out. We've had a conversation about this before, about the protocol. He's picking up, Ziccoli is, because it is a grey area, Ziccoli is at work technically. He's working a party, like a cool party at a cool house, but he is on the job.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Yes. So when the boys come to pick him up, I don't think he can drive. He's a collie. Never seen him at the wheel. He's a passenger. He is a passenger. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:13:40 I can't believe Iggy Pop just came in to sing one line from the titular song, The Passenger, and then leave. He's like that, though. He's like a little leathery handbag who just pops into scene and then bails again. You know, if Iggy Pop is still alive... Oh, I'm confident he is. Yeah, he is at time of record. Hey, you want to know why he's still alive? Because he's got a lust for life, guy.
Starting point is 00:14:05 Oh, I thought you were going to say because he's a passenger. Yours is better. It doesn't make any sense. This is where we're at, everybody. Yeah, I was going to say if he's still alive, that gives me hope. Okay, cool. AbraPub, nothing. I can't remember how I was going to connect that to what we were talking about.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Dude, honestly, at this point, I've thrown a lot at you this morning and if you've got anything to hang a bit of hope on i'm gonna um try and amplify that i'll let you have it i won't take any more away from you because i feel like i've been doing a bit of that for my own amusement this morning and i'm starting to feel a little bit bad about it. Not enough to regret my decisions, but I still think it's funny. It's incredible that this will be documented for time immemorial. This moment. So my shining light this week,
Starting point is 00:14:58 I'm so glad you asked. Well, I had a couple of things that I noticed, but I think my shining light would be Oh well first off I thought Squirrel should be named Cody This watch Not sure where that came from Not sure what it relates to
Starting point is 00:15:11 Suite Life of Zack and Cody I didn't watch a lot of that It was a Nickelodeon show wasn't it Maybe Disney Oh okay Starring Ben Ross' son from Friends Really
Starting point is 00:15:23 And his twin brother Yeah Ben from Friends That was? And his twin brother. Yeah, Ben from Friends. That was Ben. Was played by twins. Yeah, yeah. And they grew up. So Ross was a bad guy and a bad father.
Starting point is 00:15:37 And they grew up to become people who lived in a hotel. Is that? No, that's another show you're thinking of. No, no, their adopted parent. Oh, no, that is the show. Sweet Life of Zankodi, they live in a hotel. And then there's the Sweet Life on Death. Hey, what's another show you're thinking of. No, no, they're adopted parents. Oh, no, that is the show. Sweet Life of Zankodi, they live in a hotel. And then there's the Sweet Life on Deck, where they live on a cruise ship. Hold on for a second. Are their parents hoteliers, or is there some other reason for it?
Starting point is 00:15:57 I think their parents are hoteliers. You'd want to hope so, eh? Because why else? When I was, you know, when you're a kid, the idea of living in a hotel is very appealing. Only to me because my only exposure to a hotel until I was probably about 20 was Home Alone. Oh, wow. You didn't watch Dunstan Checks In? Banned it in our house.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Why? Monkeys aren't people and we shouldn't be. Monkeys aren't people? We shouldn't be entertaining that idea. We're giving it too much airspace.
Starting point is 00:16:35 It was Jason Alexander. Not in my house. A monkey and I remember that a lady, they were trying to get a sixth star. Like, you know how there's five-star hotels?
Starting point is 00:16:50 Oh, right, yeah. They were trying to get a sixth star for their hotel, which is impossible in the first place. And I think maybe when the hotel inspector was coming to town, they also started babysitting the chip. How did that movie not take off? They also started babysitting a chimp. How did that movie not take off? I think it did pretty good.
Starting point is 00:17:15 What is that? They're very different ideas, aren't they? Here's a movie about a hotel. Okay, what's happening with the hotel? It is a struggle to try and get six stars Out of a possible five Alright that's insane Wait I'm not finished The hotel inspector's in town
Starting point is 00:17:33 What's the conflict I hear you ask No it's probably that you can't get a six star It's a stupid idea What's the conflict I hear you ask A chimp I'm sorry I hear you ask A chimp I'm sorry what did you say A chimpanzee Have you heard of them
Starting point is 00:17:51 They're like us but Different Yeah not in your house Not in our house Not when I was growing up So You were saying I was saying.
Starting point is 00:18:05 What were you saying? I don't know what preceded Zach and Cody. You wanted Squirrel to be called Cody. That's right. I wanted one of them to be called Cody this week. I was looking at those four boys and I was like, why don't you ask us as a Cody? I don't know who to pin it on, but probably Squirrel.
Starting point is 00:18:22 That's interesting. So anyway, my shining light was his shirt that he's wearing But probably Squirrel That's interesting So anyway My shining light was his shirt That he's wearing at the party That's all Which party? The party where he dies My friend
Starting point is 00:18:31 Oh It's a universe Like a galaxy Kind of a design A lot of purples on there You and Squirrel Actually have quite similar Fashion sense
Starting point is 00:18:39 Apart from the hats He wears Yeah I don't have the confidence For a hat Say what you will about those Donald Trump supporters They love a hat I wish I had the confidence To wear hats all the time
Starting point is 00:18:52 Yeah gee whiz But there's a t-shirt he wears which I think is very Tim The one with the big eye on it Yeah I'd fuck with that You would fuck with that eh So what your shining light was that you think Skrull should be called Cody No it's that he was wearing a shirt that I liked yeah there was some other moments but they're not coming to me immediately that's fair i liked at the start of the movie uh actually i didn't i mean
Starting point is 00:19:15 i didn't like anything and so this feels really at the start as well you you know thought out a little bit as time went on but boy howdy were you unhappy when I first came in and kicked it off? What was your shining like? It was when Jarhead goes out to the car and he says to Squirrel, because Squirrel's behind the driver's seat, Jarhead goes, get out, I'm driving. And Squirrel goes, what? And then Jarhead just repeats himself.
Starting point is 00:19:41 He goes, get out, I'm driving. Oh, you did bring that up I like it Why did you like it? Just because it was something new? No recently Yeah it's something new But recently
Starting point is 00:19:53 What I think is one of the funniest gags Is When When someone says something It's usually You have to do it yourself So I'll say something And someone will go what
Starting point is 00:20:03 And it's not a what As in what did you say It's a what as to do it yourself So I'll say something and someone will go what And it's not a what as in what did you say It's a what as in I can't believe that But treat it as an excuse Yeah and then I repeat what I said But louder so I'll yell it Say something outlandish Hilarious
Starting point is 00:20:20 Let's play this through The trip's off I'm not going to New York City What The trip's off I'm not going to New York City What? The trip's off I'm not going to New York City Ow This movie's still fine We interrupt this episode of The Worst Idea of All Time
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Starting point is 00:21:25 There's no reason not to join Even if you're growing a beard you should join So that you will have the option to get rid of it With precision at a reasonable price It's also a good gift Yeah And they also do more than just razors There's lots of lovely bathroom products now
Starting point is 00:21:41 For your skin and what not Get yours at dollarshaveclub.com Slash worst idea That's dollarshaveclub.com slash worst idea. That's dollarshaveclub.com slash worst idea. Can't stress this enough. Blaze Pizza, no, no. Dollarshaveclub.com. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Ow! This movie's still fine. I've got an idea for a segment. It's a one-off, and we're just doing it in this episode. And it's called We Are Your Wedding Friends And we have to come up with something old, something new, something borrowed And something blue that we liked from the film Okay, hey that's quite fun
Starting point is 00:22:13 So something old Something old What So what, just dig up an old shining light? Yep, you wanna know my fave? My shining light of shining lights? Yep It's Zac Efron delivering that
Starting point is 00:22:29 Impeccable timed line Impeccably timed line I'm American Oh I'm American, yeah There's James Reid From the feelers Smoking a dube
Starting point is 00:22:41 With our boy Outside the club And Yeah, he gets past the Spliff From From Zicoli This is James Reid
Starting point is 00:22:52 From the fellows The fuck What is in that Is there tobacco in that Yeah Zicoli Yeah It's a spliff
Starting point is 00:23:02 A spliff What are you French And here's the shining light No I'm American Yeah. It's a coley. Yeah. It's a spliff. A spliff. What are you, French? And here's the shining light. No. I'm American. It's so good. It's better when he does it.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Yeah, yeah. Well, there's two professional actors doing it then. And also usually moving images. Yeah. But I thought you did a pretty good job. Thank you. You sold that cough big time. Thank you. Something old. Thank you. You sold that cough big time. Thank you. Something old.
Starting point is 00:23:26 Something new. Really enjoyed James Reid from The Feelers' turn as a programmed robot. First of all, when Zicola comes around after Las Vegas, so, you know, everything's happened. The cat's not out of the bag yet, but the tension's in the room. And James Riffin-Fielders says, you want anything to drink? And Zicola goes, I'm going to have what you're having.
Starting point is 00:23:58 And he goes, well, I'm having a San Pellegrino because I'm laying off. The idea of laying off the booze is drinking a bottle of water once. It is literally... I'm really cleaning up my ass. Yeah, I'm getting my shit together. One water for me, thank you. And then after he's drunk the water, his insatiable thirst for non-alcoholic beverages
Starting point is 00:24:19 is not yet satisfied. And he says, I'm going to go and get an energy drink would anyone else like anything and it is the clunkiest sentence I can't imagine if I was with a friend and they said that to me I would say
Starting point is 00:24:36 just keep walking honestly take a lap and come back when you've thought about the way you're speaking to me because that is fucking insane. I've never heard anyone refer to something as an energy drink. Even when the thing is an energy drink. It's a fucking Red Bull.
Starting point is 00:24:57 Mate. Or a mother. If you're poor. Who? Something. Who calls it an energy drink? An energy drink. Are you insane?
Starting point is 00:25:06 And then when he goes, Hey, lovely head capsule you've got there. It's a cap. What are you doing? And then when he's walking around in the kitchen in the background getting the energy drink, you can just very faintly hear him going, bleep, blop, bloop, bloop, bloop.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Fucking robot. See, now this is a challenging thing, and I'm going to pull back the curtain a little bit here on the sort of making of process of the podcast but often guy and i will have guy looks so worried we'll have sensational uh little um ideas spurred out while the film's playing and you know we never try to recreate those moments onto the podcast because it doesn't end well you can't recreate a little something that's happened at the moment. Just so you know, this entire, every episode of this podcast is a B-side.
Starting point is 00:25:51 That is 100% correct. 100% correct. Just like every episode where I've fucked up the recording has been the funniest episode of the show. Yeah. It's the one you'll never hear. So those episodes that you hear are C-sides. Not waterfront property something borrowed i said not waterfront property
Starting point is 00:26:19 he's lost it folks yeah i am all over the map this morning. Oh my God. Something borrowed. Something borrowed. Well, I mean, Paige steals a house off a woman. That's a kind of borrowing. Yeah. Theft isn't borrowing.
Starting point is 00:26:47 No. Borrowing has two components, theft and anti-theft. What's anti-theft? When you undo the theft. Oh. So this is a kind of borrowing, but it's only half borrowing because there's two parts to borrowing. That is a very rose-tinted way of looking at burglars that you believe they...
Starting point is 00:27:17 They're borrowers. Are you familiar with the Terry Pratchett? Oh, I don't think that's right. Oh, Abandoned Ship. No, I know it's with John Goodman. Well, that's the movie, the book. The book is...
Starting point is 00:27:32 I think you're right. I should have gone with... I reckon you're smart. I don't read. This is the problem. I'm bad at reading. Something Borrowed. Oh, do you know what that would be?
Starting point is 00:27:45 That would be... Mary Norton. Okay, I was way off. Something borrowed will be when we've had a guest on and they've made light of something. And who better to reference than current Billy T nominee Alice Seden? Yeah, you got it.
Starting point is 00:28:04 Congrats, Alice. You don't listen to this podcast because you're a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah, you got it Congrats Alice You don't listen to this podcast Because you're a piece of shit Yeah But when she brought up The iPhone sort of thing I can't even remember exactly What the point she made was
Starting point is 00:28:17 But it was something akin to Movies use people Who have a cell phone That's not an iphone like that's a that's a character device it's like this is a bad person or this is a impoverished person they don't have an iphone that's right yeah that is which is an android person i took great umbrage of which alice knew ahead of time that's very funny so that is character development that is giving someone not an iPhone is like,
Starting point is 00:28:46 oh, this person's pretty fucking odd. Yeah. You say something's not right with this one. Hey, mark this in your handy dandy notebooks, kids, because this one's probably the villain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:56 I'll tell you what really shits me about Cole Carter. He's running a Galaxy and a MacBook Pro. Oh, you're so right. Bad combo. It's a mess. Some people do it, but they're in the severe minority.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Some people want to watch the world burn. Yeah, hard out. How do you get things from A to B? God knows. He's recording a lot of sounds. He's probably not going to play nice with his Mac. Something blue. The big blue.
Starting point is 00:29:24 The ocean. There was a shot when Ziccoli's getting his shit together and he's like kind of No, not with Squirrel at the Beach? No, not that one.
Starting point is 00:29:40 When he's hoisting himself up by his bootstraps. Is that what people say? Pull yourself up from your bootstraps. Is that what people say? Pull yourself up from your bootstraps? That doesn't make any sense to me. If you pull your own bootstraps, you're in a real quandary. And you're leaning down. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:56 How can you pull yourself up? They're basically the floor. What do you think a bootstrap is? Well, it's laces, isn't it? Is it not your laces? That's what I think too. On your boots. So what the fuck's happening there?
Starting point is 00:30:13 The only way that that works is like if you're upside down on a bar and your feet are kind of locking you in place. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Anyway, the meaninglessness of that saying aside, there's a shot of Ziccoli by himself looking out at the big blue. He looks pensive and he's having a think. What bit are you talking about? It's inside of the montage of him getting his shit together.
Starting point is 00:30:43 So when he goes running and when he starts recording like pretty much when he has his full blown nervous breakdown oh yeah there's a beautiful moment of solitude at the beach
Starting point is 00:30:51 and he's looking out at the ocean and the ocean's looking back at him and he goes Zach don't do it and he goes
Starting point is 00:31:01 what are you saying Mr Ocean and he goes don't do it and he goes what are you saying and he goes, what are you saying, Mr. Russian? And he goes, don't do it. He goes, what are you saying? And he goes, I'm sorry I killed your mother. Oh, plot twist, everyone. Also, sorry to cut you a rough short, but thus concludes the We Are Your Wedding Friends.
Starting point is 00:31:21 I can't remember what I called it at the start. Hey, guess what, everyone? We've found something out about the family tree of the characters of this film. Paige is Johnny Depp's father. Oh, yeah. Huge news. That's a nice one. They've got a weird relationship.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Huge news. It makes perfect sense. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, unless the tree's got long branches. I am on fire this morning. So I can't even remember exactly the breadcrumbs which led us to this conclusion, but it was more like an absence of negating facts. You know what I mean? It was like, here's a hypothesis.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Here's how science works, everyone. I don't know if you're familiar with the scientific method. I come up with a guess, and if no one can prove me wrong the guess is absolute and we live by the guess so that's what's happened in the film i guessed that johnny depp was the son of page and there is nothing to disprove that yeah at no point in the movie does page say to john Depp, you are not my son. So that is the new operating model. As far as can be told. Yep. That's science.
Starting point is 00:32:30 That's science, bitches. Yeah, that's science, baby. That is science. Hey, here's another segment we do sometimes. It's called, what happened in that bathroom? Oh, something terrible. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Do you know what it is, bro? Tell me. It's you. Oh, something terrible. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Do you know what it is, bro?
Starting point is 00:32:46 Tell me. It's you. Oh, no. And it's one of those crazy doors where you can lock someone in, like from the outside. I don't like that. And the only thing that you've got, the internet hasn't been set up yet because the Wi-Fi hasn't been installed.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Yeah, yeah. And all that you have is a, you for some reason have your laptop. You knew you were going to take a pretty hefty session in there. Yeah. So you took your laptop with you and a power cord, which is unbelievable, but go with me on this. Yeah, yeah. And the only piece of media on your laptop is We Are Your Friends.
Starting point is 00:33:23 So you've just been in there watching it on a loop while the movie literally plays out around me yeah correct that is so terrible that is a horror movie because I'll be banging on the door going stop giving drugs to squirrel
Starting point is 00:33:40 but no one will hear me no one will hear me. No one will let me out. But dude, let's apply the scientific method to this. At no point do we see what's happened in the bathroom and there is no evidence to disprove this theory I've just had. So I think you're in the bathroom, dude. You know, I'm fucking... Guy, that's what this whole season's been leading up to
Starting point is 00:34:05 you've been in the house the whole time I'm weak enough still that I'm afraid that that's somehow real
Starting point is 00:34:12 and it's making me really uncomfortable like I have a horrible feeling in my chest sorry man it's pretty funny though
Starting point is 00:34:21 here's another segment we do 5 6 7 8 getting sentimental It's pretty funny though Here's another segment we do 5, 6, 7, 8 Getting sentimental With James Reid Beep beep boop boop bop Fucking robot Yeah
Starting point is 00:34:36 I'm going to acquire an energy drink From the refrigerator May I obtain items for you From the food store? Do you mean the kitchen? Yes, friends. Yes, that's what I said. No, you didn't say the kitchen.
Starting point is 00:34:57 You called it the food store. No, I did not call it the food store. Silence your breathing receptacle or I will hit it. Are you threatening to punch me? Yes. Just say I'll punch you. I did. Affirmative.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Yeah, so what? He goes to the kitchen. Affirmative. Yeah, so what? He goes to the kitchen. He comes back with an energy drink and a MacBook Pro box, inside of which is a galaxy. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Yeah. Like you were saying before. It's a funny prank. Yeah, except not the phone the cosmic concept like there is an entire galaxy within the box like uh oh my god a tiny verse yeah if you will jesus fucking christ yeah so here's the crazy thing if you've got the willpower and time and enough off-brand energy drinks that you can't mention by name on camera, you can create your own small galaxy in a MacBook Pro box. It's all possible. And you get to make the rules. So within this existence, which is inhabited by many alien species, James Reid is the creator.
Starting point is 00:36:30 he sees James Reed is the creator and can you imagine a universe where the feelers hits are sort of the underpinning of cosmic order of course I can if this podcast has done nothing else in season three it has established loud clear and on the record that Guy Montgomery is a huge fan of the feelers well how about this in the same way that i am putting forward a hypothesis that you've been trapped in the bathroom this whole time maybe we are living in the galaxy that is inside the macbook pro box uh you know how let me throw some stuff at you here but you already are so you know how um first we had religion explaining what what was going on you know when we had thunder that's because zeus was angry yes etc etc then we got some science happening yes and um isaac newton uh published in the 17th century a bunch of rules to describe motion and how it works and it worked flawlessly to describe things big and small
Starting point is 00:37:25 and what their expected path would be if we knew the forces acting on it, until we got down to a very small scale to the quantum level and then the rules don't work anymore. So in the same way, I think that this galaxy, the sort of quantum logic of it, is all underpinned by Fela's tracks. That's kind of the rhythm
Starting point is 00:37:48 of the universe. How many times have I sung that? I reckon ten. It's weird as well because I would not put that as their biggest hit. Surely Pressure Man. Got the most mileage for me though. That one.
Starting point is 00:38:09 Can we finish? Probably yes. It's really important to me that this stops now. Any other business to attend to?
Starting point is 00:38:21 I'm moving to New York City. I'll see you guys there. That's it. I really, yeah, I don't want to keep talking
Starting point is 00:38:33 with you about this anymore. That's alright, man. Ow! Classic Maximum Joseph You forget that films are supposed to have a point

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