The Worst Idea Of All Time - Fifty Three - Fruit Loops and Ice Cream

Episode Date: September 8, 2017

Recorded live at Christchurch's Dark Room live venue in front of a live audience, the boiz are back in their hometown. Guybo is trying to describe the film in 60 seconds, Timbly is trying to describe the phenomenon of Detroit Rock City. The 18 year old Monty's diet is atrocious and also it's Tim's final day of being in his 20s. How about that?! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.

You gonna play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor One of them dies, that guy's screw One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay One of them looks like Johnny Depp

And his name is Johnny Depp Classic Maximum Jersey You forget that films are supposed to have a point Welcome to the worst idea of all time podcast Episode number 53 Live in beautiful Christchurch, Ototahi. Hey. So give yourselves a round of applause.

Truly the jewel of the South Pacific. I won't hear a bad word said about this fine town. And it's great to be back. Thank you all so much for coming out. Please give a round of applause to The Dark Room for hosting us. Yeah, what a wonderful venue. This place is beautiful.

I love it. It's really living up to its name, isn't it? Accurate. Yeah, in its description. It is very dark. It's kind of cool. It's how you want to perform to a live room. You want a lot of lights on you completely blinding you,

and you want to be oblivious to how many people are there unless you nail a real nice little joke. Yeah. And then you get a little pitter-patter of laughter to remind you you're not alone. I like an explosion. Me personally, I like an explosive burst of laughter. But I guess, you know, we're different like that,

you and I, Tim. Chalk and cheese, they say. We are like chalk and cheese. It's a miracle we've made it this far. Now, just out of curiosity, I will ask a question of the room. I'd like you to respond by cheering. Who here is a fan and has listened to the Worst Idea of All Time podcast before?

Make some noise. Liars. No, no. Those are honest people. I hope so. I would never deign to call any of our audience a liar, Tim. I think people just like to cheer. And those of you who are not familiar with the podcast but are familiar with our personalities,

who here has not listened to the worst city of all time, make some noise. That's great. It's going to be, you know, we're going to... There was neither from you, wasn't it? There's a lot of neither. What are you doing here on recommendation? We've been dragged along.

Look, we got the 20 bucks anyway, so let's not dwell on it. You're all the same to us. No, no, no. Look, it's wonderful to be here. And really, the spiritual birthplace of the podcast in many ways, because not everyone knows this, but both Guy and I, this is our hometown. Christchurch is where it all began. We were both born and raised here.

It's certainly not where we met. No. You say that with a certain amount of venom in your voice. No, it's just what That's what that's about. Well, no, we met in Auckland. Yes, we did. On neutral territory. Yeah.

Someone else's stomping ground. And we forged a relationship of animosity, ire, conflict, and humour. Yeah. And goodwill. This is true. This is what you are getting, for those of you who... About half the audience who haven't heard the podcast, you are getting the gripping backstory.

And I really feel your energy. I feel like you are along for the ride, which is good. It bodes well. So just to give you an overview on what's happened, Tim and I have just finished watching the movie We Are Your Friends for the 53rd time. What, 53rd this year? Well, I mean, we've gone over a year.

Yeah. And so what that means is, you know, you can imagine you've probably seen a movie more than once before, sir. Have you ever seen a movie 53 times? No. It would be an odd thing to do, wouldn't it? Well, that's exactly what we've done and we are documenting the experience

for future reference. And this concludes the audience interaction portion of the evening. So I'll tell you what, this viewing, just to paint a little picture for everyone, we were in this venue, and there was a lot of sound checks going on. Well, yeah, there was. And it created quite an interesting sort of dimension to the watch this week, because whilst we had all-encompassing headphones on

watching Johnny Depp, Jarhead, Squirrel, and Zicoli do his thing one more time, we were surrounded by an audio, a cacophony, I would call it, a cacophony of rock. Yeah, but cacophony doesn't do it justice because these are bands who are warming up. Rockophony. Rockophony is pretty good.

It wasn't, you know, they were playing in time. These are professional musicians. They knew what they were doing. Yeah, they were good. And they're doing that because they're playing a show here after we finished doing comedy. This is merely a warm-up for the darkroom this evening. So we were surrounded by a wall of rock while we were watching four fuckboys swimming around an edm and it was it kind of reminded me of like how music movies can be good for example there's a movie which i'm very fond

of rock yeah no no no no no no no no it's called detroit rock city and i think part of the reason i like it is because you know how sometimes if you see a movie by accident, the context very much colours if you like it or not. If you fall over an average movie that you're not supposed to be watching and it doesn't suck, you're like, this is good. You're a lot more charitable to the film. So I got home from a party when I was like, I think I was still living at home. So I must have been 18 max. And I got home at about one in the morning and I flicked the tally on.

And this movie was on called Detroit Rock City and it's kind of in a lot of ways similar to this movie but it's good it's about four young men three or four, four I think young men who are trying to go to a Kiss concert and it was made in like the early 2000s but it's set I think in the early 80s

and it's fucking awesome it doesn't sound, it sounds flimsy no it's really really good so the movie takes you through like they've first got to escape their high school so there's kind of a heist, almost Ocean's Eleven-esque element to it at the start where they have to trick this

caretaker who wants to trap all the kids in the school, they call him Elvis because he's got pork chops is that what they're called? The sideburns. Lamb chops. Lamb chops, yeah. Whatever. He's a mean guy

and they know it so they're trying to trick him. Bamboozle him so they can get out. Why would the caretaker give two hoots if the children are playing hooky? The caretaker's job

is to tend to the grounds. Yeah, it's weird. He doesn't have enough to do obviously. A deputy principal. That's someone you've got to watch out for if you're playing hooky. But a caretaker, you could rub it in their face.

You go, hey, you dumb fucking caretaker, I'm leaving. So they get caught and they get dragged back to the school and there is a principal involved. Whoa. Now we're cooking, right?

Big time. Now we've got a plot going. Okay. So first they go to a radio station. Okay, so first they go to a radio station. No, wait. First they ring a radio station because they haven't actually got the kiss tickets because Jam was supposed to buy them,

but Jam's mum is highly religious and conservative. You saw this movie 12 years ago, Drunk. I've seen it since, but only once since then, I think. But it stuck with me. It's a good film. Yeah, I can see. So Jeremiah is his real name so Jam

Jam's mum stops him from going and getting these kiss tickets because she thinks that kiss stands for nights in Satan's service it isn't though no what does it stand for

it actually stands for I don't think it stands for anything it stands for kissing the practice of kissing there's a shorthand for it yeah and I think we all know what a kiss is

we'll show you now I'll do one a kiss is an exchange between two people. One person giving, the other receiving a gift, if you will. Always a gift. A kiss is always a gift. So there they are. And by the way, the rock band Kiss,

they are not known for kissing one another. They're known for their glamorous outfits and sort of loud... Long tongues. It's not a soft core porn show this is a rock concert this is a proper movie of the highest order

so the boys they can't get the tickets the way they thought they were gonna first barrier so then a radio station is playing

giving away wouldn't you know it four tickets to kiss that's perfect for our protagonists of whom there are four. So then they ring up and the radio station gives them a question. I can't remember what it is.

And the stupid one in the group rings up and fucking nails it. He aces it. Wins the four tickets, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then they get out of high school and they race to the radio station to get the tickets. But it turns out he hung up before he could give his name. So they had to give it to the next caller

and his excitement he just hung up the phone so they don't have the Kiss tickets anymore so anyway look it's a role looking ride and I highly recommend it to everyone

oh and Melanie Linsky's in it that's great she plays Beth because Kiss have a song called Beth so they named the romantic interest in the movie

Beth see what Tim has just done is about a five minute detour to avoid talking about where are your friends for the 53rd time. And with good reason too. I did not enjoy that watch

this week. Well, what I did enjoy I turned you halfway through because we were watching Ziccoli. He says he wants to be a DJ. That is his pursuit in this movie.

That is his dream to be a very successful EDM DJ. But he does not he's not disciplined in his movie. That is his dream, to be a very successful EDM DJ. But he does not, he's not disciplined in his work. He doesn't put his head down and his tail up and go about his business the way he should. He kind of chances his arm on Moxie and Lucky Breaks.

And so we're watching this guy just fumble his way through Los Angeles with no real, he's a real no-hoper. He's handsome as all shit, isn't he? I mean. God, he's good looking, isn't he? He mean, that's Zicoli, he's a dish. But the guy can't put together a song. We're watching this movie take place while we hear bands playing real instruments.

You know, the real grind, the real hustle, and I'm thinking this movie has not captured the essence of pursuing a career in the music industry at all. No, no, no. They've just framed up several good shots of Zicoli and Somaly Who's the His love interest Who is played by

For those of you who Do not know the movie The lady from the Blurred Lines video Emily Radichkowski Is her name I imagine that's almost Exactly how they cast her

They said That one Yeah MTV was on in the background While they were in the casting I was all like I don't know Her?

Yeah Fine sure She said yes Yeah She was just a model And of course we all know on in the background while they were in the casting I was like I don't know her? yeah fine sure and she said yes yeah she was just a model and of course we all know all models

what they really want is to be actors and then someone changed the channel on the TV to uh classic American movies channel

that exists yeah and American Beauty was on there and they were like I don't know him? and that's Wes Bentley

everyone who plays the guy with the plastic bag from American Beauty he's in the movie in fact you know what there's a lot of confused faces out there

maybe this is a wonderful opportunity at the 53rd watch to give a 60 second synopsis of the film do you think you're up to the task yeah I'm very smart

I'm gonna give you in 10 seconds you're gonna kick off okay you ready yeah yeah just get ready I'll give you a countdown from 3

you're waiting for your analogue watch to get right at the 12. Three, two, one, go. We start with a man named Zac Efron, or as we call him, Zacoli, trying to put together an electronic music song, but he's struggling. He's not

doing so good. And that night he's playing a concert at a club in Los Angeles and he goes to the concert. He doesn't play play his own music he mixes other people's music like a dj and he goes with three friends and seven of them pair off and they have reckless sexual intercourse with strangers and one of them doesn't and he's pretty upset about it and then they go there they all promote at the club and they'll the next day they 30 seconds they all meet up and they're like this is not a satisfying life so they go and work for a real tour and they make a lot of money, but that's also not fulfilling. And they give their best friend Squirrel too many drugs at a party and he dies.

And then Zicoli tapes together a bunch of recordings of Squirrel talking and he makes it a song and he plays it as a big music festival. And everyone at the music festival is like, that's not a song, that's exploitation. Five seconds, you got money to burn. I don't need it a song, that's exploitation. Five seconds. You've got money to burn. I don't need it, man. I did it. You missed out a pretty central thread of the film as well, which is that Zac Efron's character, Zicoli the crying DJ,

forms a love triangle with the PA slash partner of the DJ, which is his mentor. It's all very complicated, you guys. You wouldn't understand it until you've watched it several dozen times as we have and even then you'd understand it maybe for a two-week window and then you would go back to not understanding it because it's not normal to expose yourself to this amount of one movie particularly one you don't enjoy and gee there's uh i know we talked about this recently but no one in the room listens to the podcast, so it's fine. But that method of art called,

I think it's like pointism or something, where you paint. Is anyone an art history person? I don't think pointism exists as an art form. Is that not a thing? Yeah, painting little dots. And it makes a bigger picture. So if you get too close to it,

you lose all perspective. You don't know what the fuck you're looking at. But if you take a few steps backwards and you look at it wholly, it's like's like oh it's a thing you know yeah it was a picture of a face it wasn't just a lot of little dots yeah exactly you get it yeah the ignorant would walk up to the artwork and they go yeah oh this is just a series of small dots anyone could do that but the art critic would take a step back and say why that is a picture of the face of jesus christ our lord and. Nine out of ten.

Yeah. That's what art critics do. Yeah. I don't know if you guys... No. What? Yeah. JC, nine out of ten.

Yeah. I don't know if you guys know a lot about the art world, but what we make is art, so we do. And rest assured, everything is ranked out of ten. Why don't paintings get ranked out of ten? They do. Do they? Have you been paintings get ranked out of 10? They do. Do they? Have you been to the Guggenheim?

Certainly not. Next to every painting in the exhibition is a ranking. In fact, you know what? I think they should even... Because if there's one thing I know about the modern age Guy Montgomery, it's that it's bloody lightning fast. Oh, isn't it? Everything moves like this.

Everything's moving at the speed of light these days so you've got no attention span we've got no time we've got too much to do yeah i don't even want to get a rank out of 10 for a painting it's got to be a thumbs up or down surely that's all you want go to the netflix model yeah is it good or bad well tell me i tell you one thing i want to go to the guggenheim I want to see beautiful historic works of art and I want someone to tell me is it good

or is it bad the issue here in this anecdote is you don't even want to go to the Guggenheim for the art you want to go for the ranking system

well look if I see a review for the Guggenheim and someone's gone thumbs up then I'll go they do that on TripAdvisor well but then

you've got to ask the question did TripAdvisor get a thumbs up itself or a thumbs down I don't know there's no one regulating trip advisor those motherfuckers are running riot shit i will say this though so the guggenheim did implement this out of 10 ranking system and there's a lot of pushback from the artists because they found it demeans their work you can imagine being an artist and finishing a painting and the guggenheim say we want it in our gallery. And you go,

the Guggenheim? Holy mackerel. That's one of the biggest museums in the world. I'll give you my painting. I've made it. Yeah, and then you go there to your big opening and you look at it and next there's a big ranking, one out of ten. And you're like, well this is fucking bullshit. I'd sooner not have the work in the Guggenheim than be publicly shamed

here. But you know what? If you're not prepared to do that, you shouldn't be painting in the first place. If you're not willing to get a But you know what? If you're not prepared to do that, you shouldn't be painting in the first place. If you're not willing to get a one out of ten, then you're not a real artist. You know? Yeah.

Or a thumbs up or down. Yeah, more specifically. I'm very fond of that. You're very fond of that. Really catching my wagon to that. I'd like to sprinkle some context

on tonight's proceedings. This is, I say this, as to mention, I did grow up here and last night... In this very club. Yeah, in the dark. He was born in the corner and nursed in the other corner

and he learnt math at the bar. Yeah, it's true. Pouring pitchers of beer. Unfortunately, Guy learnt the imperial system, which was no good to him in modern New Zealand times. I know. Because we had flicked over to metric. But it was all pints and shillings wasn't it yeah there was

half crowns nightmare everything you've articulated is very real to me it's made you a very good drug dealer which is a career you never pursued unfortunately I can't deal drugs in New Zealand because of the fucking metric system we're really at odds here

I've got pockets full of drugs and no cash. I've got no idea what the value on this stuff is. How are we a country simultaneously so fond of weed and yet we deal exclusively in ounces? No, we don't. And contrary to everything else. If one was to buy weed, hypothetically, in this country, one would not buy in grams. For other stuff, maybe, was to buy weed, hypothetically, in this country, one would not buy in grams.

For other stuff, maybe. One would not buy weed at all, for it is illegal. The illegal drug weed should not be bought or sold. Not until it is, of course, legal. But aside from being raised in this very building, and of course my hard upbringing on the streets, where I was exposed to nothing but the imperial system and rock music i got along well with my parents and uh and and they they're

very curious in the fact that we've been seeing my dad specifically is a huge fan of tim bat in fact those of you listening to the podcast remember my dad once called up on the friend zone and we had a conversation with him he was a smash hit. Beloved. Beloved by the audience. If there is one piece of universal feedback about the podcast so far, it has been more Stephen Montgomery plays. That's true. Crank that dial up to 11. The people go wild for Stephen.

So when I said to him, I said, Dad, Tim and I we're going to come, we're going to do a show in Christchurch, New Zealand and we're going to perform the show in my birthplace at the Dark Room and he said, why are you going back there? there that place got another bad memories for us Montgomery's I said I'm doing it anyway Steve and I said do you see well that's great obviously your mother and I would love to come along and so they bought two tickets and then last night some of his friends showed up they something pretty much last night some I'll straighten up the story like this I'll

tell you this look around the room. You will not see Stephen nor Charlotte Montgomery. You will see no hide nor hair of these people. And do you know what? He specifically said to me today, he said, so if I want to miss the podcast and just catch the stand-up, what time should I rock out? You know what we should do.

What time did you tell him? I said, get here at 5 to 8 and you won't miss any of the... And, you know, he got this recommendation because his friends did the same thing last night in wellington they just showed up to see the stand-up and they relayed to him i said yeah we got there for the last 20 minutes of the podcast but we couldn't make heads nor tails of it so i think you can miss that now here's the thing i like 20 bucks is not no money but you're getting two stand-up comedians. Part of the payment is you have to be part of the live audience for the podcast bit. You can't just come for the set.

You can't have dessert until you've had your greens. This is the greens. Actually, as an adult, you can. Oh, that's true. It's a flaw. It's one of the first things I did when I moved out of home. Nothing but ice cream. Fruit loops and ice cream. You got it, man. You when I moved out of home. Nothing but ice cream. Fruit Loops and ice cream.

You got it, man. You're a madman with type 2 diabetes on the way. Now I reckon I got out at the right time. There was a time they released a Goody Goody Gumdrops ice cream on a stick, like a Topsy. You guys all remember what a Topsy is. That's just vanilla ice cream with a thin chocolate coating outside of it. They did that with Goody Gumdrops. There was a time for about three weeks I would refuse to eat anything else.

Nothing but? Three or four a day I would eat. That's terrifying. I got real sick, Tim. Real sickly. Oh, Ben, you did? Wait, how long was this period that you were eating nothing but very bad ice cream?

About three weeks as a 19-year-old. Fucking hell. Do you want to know what else we did then? What? What we would do is we'd create i was in a flat for the first time we'd create a huge amount of rubbish and there was a tip outside where you could put it but if you didn't want to put it on the tip there was also a cupboard under the stairs where you could put it and we would take all of our bags of rubbish

and put it under the stairs until the end of the year when there were you know 50 bags of rubbish in there oh no and we all moved out except for our friend Jono, who was the last one in. That's how you get vermin. Yeah, yeah. That's where they come from. Those are going to be the next tenants' vermin. That's not our vermin.

Did you get any rats that you know of in the house? A lot of people look down on having rats in their house, but I see it as a bonus because it's sort of like a pet for free, you know? Yeah. These guys are some fucking cool roommates to hang out with. They call rats nature's vacuum cleaner. If you worry about crumbs, pet for free you know yeah they are these guys are some fucking cool roommates to hang out they're called rats nature's

vacuum cleaner if you worry about crumbs just get a rat in there you don't need to worry about crumbs anymore

they were the rats the original rumba yeah is it rumba or make of that's the robot

vacuum cleaner that goes around that's great that's a great thank you I was pretty happy with that we should start

hawking rats you and I we'll reb with that. We should start hawking rats, you and I. We'll rebrand rats. That'll be the whole thing of it, you know, because you can sell anything to anyone. I don't know if you know this guy, but for about the last 15 years, these fucking companies have been selling this tap water in a small bottle for like three bucks.

Yeah, it's incredible, isn't it? You can sell anything to anyone with a rebrand. All you need is a plastic casing to put on a rat. Yeah. Do you know what I'm imagining now, which is weird? Where my mind went with that is a little plastic suit for the rat. So it's not like a box that you keep it in, but it's different. You're creating a show then.

If you're putting a rat in a suit, you're not... If you're going to get a rat to clean up for someone, the last thing you're going to do is put them in a suit. Put them in rags, surely. I don't know. Maybe you have a show where you have rags to Richard's rats. So you have some sort of tale where we meet them, we empathise with them,

or we sympathise for them, if we don't come from humble beginnings ourselves we see ourselves in the rat the rat is in the rat race it is up against it, it's started small, it's got rags right, something happens

lotto and suddenly it's able to get tailored polymer suits. Shiny as the day is long. This is all backstory to us trying to get people to buy rats as vacuum cleaners. Well, how long did that story take? Not long.

No. But it got you on the hook, didn't it? Now you're interested to see these rats in their shiny, shiny plastic suits. When you said rats were the original Roomba, that's when I was in. Oh, okay. We'll go with that one. But you don't even know what a Roomba was. Yeah, when I was in. Oh, okay. We'll go with that one. But you didn't even know what a Roomba was. Yeah, but I was in.

Oh, okay. It's called alliteration and it's a very powerful tool. Yeah. They use it in advertising all the time. Do you know that's what Mad Men was about?

The whole series was about rebranding rats. About alliteration. Yeah, both of those things. Finding R words so they could hock off rats to an unsuspecting public.

You can do alliteration with any consonant. So I say purple people. You can do alliteration with any consonant. So I say purple people. You can do it with any vowel. No, no, no. Why, my friend? That would be assonance. Oh, really?

Yeah, my maths class at the bar, they were no good but English in the back corner here was a fantastic time. Now, this will be interesting to no one but valuable to me

because I thought that assonance was another thing. No. Where something kind of sounded like it rhymed but it didn't. It was like the middle to no one but valuable to me because I thought that assonance was another thing where something kind of sounded like it rhymed but it didn't

it was like the middle bit of the word was the same not the end that's called almost rhyming ah that's where I've

gone wrong with that and sibilance sibilance is the language that snakes speak in no that's parcel tongue sibilance is a

repeated s sound c s that is speaking. No, that's parcel tongue. Sibilance is a repeated S sound. C... That is sibilance. You got it. It's nonsense but it is also technically sibilance. Hold on, before you take a sip of that beer in victory, what is parcel tongue? Well, parcel tongue, of course,

is the language that snakes speak to one another. Oh, okay, we're not going to elaborate on that. Is it a real thing? Well, it's from Harry Potter. Oh, okay. Not a big reader. I read the first... They made them into movies, Tim. I didn't like them.

I saw the first couple. I was like, I get it. They're kids. They fly around. I get it. Daniel Radcliffe got hot. We should say his name. He did.

He got real hot. Yeah, he's gorgeous. He's a gorgeous young man. Then he got his dick out on stage because he wanted people to take him seriously Oh, fuck you That is so reductive No, it's exactly

He is a proper theatrical actor He is a thespian guy in Montgomery I got my dick out on stage No one calls me an actor They call me a public nuisance It's because of how you did it There was context He did it within the context of a beautiful plate, I assume.

I don't know. In context? In context of... Of disrobing? Yeah. What more context do you need? Well, look, I don't want to dig into all of this nonsense about your penis being on stage. What I do want

to talk about is We Are Your Friends, the movie that we just watched for the 53rd time. For fear of forgetting everything, I took notes. Oh, very good. And I'll speak to them now. Hey, well, before you do, should I give my shining light? Of course. So my shining light...

For you fucking Luddites who don't know what the podcast is, you're somehow in this room. We wanted to protect against the podcast being just a wall-to-wall hate fest so we have a segment called The Shining Light where we have one brief moment of the film that permeated

the negativity that we actually enjoyed. This week, for me, it was a particular moment where fuck, I think it's when

they're at the Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody and here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing paul maybe after squirrel dies and johnny depp has a furrowed brow and it's going to some shots between

Sikoli and Johnny Depp and they look like anime characters. And that was it. Because of their facial expressions. Yeah, it was just like the way their faces are put together in those shots. It was weird. It was like there was less detail on their face.

Like they had really washed it out with lights or makeup or something. And you thought of it as sort of an anime battle as opposed to boring back and forth between... Which makes sense. Because actually, our friends, the Collie the Crying DJ, got cast in a subsequently cancelled live action version of a very famous anime film called Akira. Or Akira or Akira depending on where you're from but then they never made it I don't know why

probably because people were very very nervous about it mainly because he's white yeah of course and it is a quintessentially Japanese film it's called whitewashing

yes but Zach was like don't worry guys I'll do some shit to my face you guys will think I'm Japanese and he was like

no Zach you're missing the point entirely. You can't do that. Do you want to know my shining light? I'd love to hear it. Because I'll tell it to you. It's almost as niche as yours. Okay.

So there's a great scene in the movie where they- Everyone gather around. Yeah, they already are. They're all in the same space. Hey, just out of curiosity, does anyone reckon this room's got AC? Are you too warm? I feel like, no, it's too warm i feel like no it's more i feel like it will be soon oh man don't introduce that yeah sorry that's terrible isn't

it uh but i will so this is it so there's a great scene where it's where's bentley the mentor dj he's uh it's his birthday it's his birthday everybody and he's and he comes home and he's drunk he's been to dinner with his partner somally and she's not too happy because he's been drunk and he's a bit of a rude drunk and uh they're having a little tizz and zicoli's made himself at home he's staying in the house he's just mucking around he goes there quite often to work on his music which is garbage and uh they come in not the good garbage with shirley manson the bad garbage like the one that was under the stairs at your flat exactly and that's an important distinction and i just to clarify for anyone who is confused by with Shirley Manson, the bad garbage, like the one that was under the stairs at your flat. Exactly. And that's an important distinction.

And just to clarify, for anyone who was confused by my earlier anecdote about my first time flatting, we did not hold the band Garbage hostage underneath our stairs. Although, I'm sorry for being where it is. I wish we had. If you could hogtie Butch Vig and trap him down there, maybe he could bang out some...

Do you know all of the members of Garbage by name? No Okay just two Yeah Fucking impressive anyway I think he could he produced a Nirvana album I think

he'd be a good get to have hidden under your stairs which ties into Harry Potter Trifecta Barely You've made

Combo Breaker No No that was not good As I as I point the microphone at the audience to milk the applause No! No, that was not good. As I point the microphone at the audience to milk the applause for the recording. Fuck me. What are you guys applauding? He just tied together...

Oh, come on, mate. Get on with your shining light. Why would if you stopped getting applause breaks in the middle of my special moment? Yeah, I heard it. You can't just say trifecta and think it makes sense there's a scene see they come back and as a reveal it turns out that somally the partner has baked a lovely blueberry birthday cake for wes bentley whose birthday it is and he opens it up

and she's like it's in the fridge yeah and she goes happy birthday but in a way which is like that's right i'm nice and you're a piece of shit that's pretty much what she communicates with that happy birthday and then he takes it he's like oh baby

blueberries my favourite and he cuts a slice and he goes to do you want some with blueberries on it and he offers it to his partner who's baked this cake

and she's so furious it's just in his hand this is a wet cake and he just cuts it and puts it in his hand and he's like have some cake with blueberries on it

and she doesn't say anything she just looks sort of like you are not making things better and so he goes okay and just starts eating it out of his hand like the fucking animal he is

oh god oh drink down there we go I tell you what's crazy about that is what this is is a stage and what it isn't is a table my friend

okay are you going to get rid of it or are you just saying is a stage and what it isn't is a table my friend okay are you going to get rid of it or are you just saying yeah yeah yeah yeah right on man I'd also love a beer thank you Chris yeah thanks

two beers dos por favor it's a line from the movie it's quite in the movie no it isn't he offers it to her yeah uno mas por favor he says one you said two fuck it's a line from the movie it's quite in the movie no it isn't he offers it to her yeah he says one

you said two fuck my shining light has a bite of the cake he offers it to her she doesn't say anything he's like okay he has a bite of it

he goes it's so good and then she leaves the room in fury and he goes you get your ass down here and she shuts the bedroom door and then he's like to Zicoli

his friend is like oh is this the part where I redeem myself and then he's like I'm not going to redeem myself and he's like to zicoli his friend is like oh is this the part where i redeem myself and then he's like i'm not gonna do myself and they're gonna go to the strip club and what he does he's got half a handful of cake and he just throws it across this beautiful kitchen like a human trebuchet yeah yeah turning a beautiful birthday cake into a projectile against the wall and my shining light is that you do not see where the cake lands, but Hoover did sound design has put in a very heavy cake landing against a hard surface sound effect. A splatter.

Just a real good splat. And tip of the hat to that person on sound design. For people unfamiliar with the podcast, this is a weird thing to dig into, but for people familiar with what we do, I mean, this is a great get. This is a real good mining of the well. You found a little nugget in there. It's huge. I've got to tell you, this is very difficult to balance an audience,

half of whom know what you're talking about and half of whom don't. Fuck them. Yeah. Fuck who, though? All of them. Okay. I'd say we should fuck half of them. Yeah.

I don't know, man. You decide. Use this choice. It's a very delicate turn of phrase. Some of the other notes I've made. Wes Bentley's character, he's the mentor DJ. He's called James Reid from The Feelers. And he gives out three life lessons.

There are three times in this movie when they give his words great gravitas, as though he has a handle on what's happening because he's the oldest character in the film. He's about 30. By the way, everybody, how about this? This is Tim's last day and possibly experience as a 29-year-old. He becomes 30 tomorrow.

Holy mackerel. Happy birthday for Tim. Thank you, Guy. It's my pleasure. Thank you, Rome. I'm so glad you chose to spend it with me and not your loving fiancé.

I'm going to wake up 30 in your parents' house with you by my side. No, we get separate beds. There is barely anything more depressing than that. No, he's just

Oh, the crowd didn't go for that. Look, it's okay. We've developed quite an aggressive friendship. It's fine. Watch out, guys. There's loose glasses down there when you walk past the stage. So anyway, it gives out three sort of life lessons in the movie.

These are three life lessons with James Reid from The Feelers. How would you describe the lessons? As lessons for life. Okay, very good. Lessons that you could apply if you're finding your life difficult and you need advice from an external force, I would recommend turning to Wes Bentley's character from the film We Are Your Friends. And he's got three great lessons for you.

And I will now share them with you. And these moments are treated with great gravity in the film. Hit me. Life lesson number one. Never mix. And he prefaces this by saying, this is the most important lesson you'll learn in your life. Never mix THC with tobacco. It fogs up the hive.

Yeah. And he says this is the most important thing you will learn is don't roll spliffs. Just roll straight weed, baby. Yeah. It's like the man's never been on the crumbs of what's left. That's the thing. He's not used to the hustle.

I can't relate to this highfalutin character. I try not to mix THC and tobacco but when necessary, absolutely, I don't give a fuck if it fogs up the high. Bloody chuck some genola in there if you're out of substances. You know? Use whatever's on hand. So that's his first live lesson.

I'll just stop you there if I may, which I will. To say that that immediately precedes one of my favourite bits of the movie. You look terrifying right now. You're waiting with absolute intensity for what I'm about to deliver. I think you know what's happening. It's the line where he goes, is there tobacco in that? Zicoli says, yeah, it's a spliff.

He goes, a spliff? What are you, French? Zicoli says, yeah, it's a spliff. He goes, a spliff? What are you, French? Zicoli says, no. I'm American. It's just the incredible comic timing of Zac Efron is not something I anticipated to see in the movie on the first

watch, but the kids got chopped. I mean, he's a fantastic comic foil in the film Bad Neighbours, which is a movie I actually quite enjoyed watching you guys know this movie? he lives in a fraternity and he lives next door to a young couple and obviously they have their differences

a young couple they just want to raise a baby but the boys are the frat they've got other plans yeah they want to get hog wild they're chasing tail yeah and tail is not an animal it's a colloquialism it's a hog? yeah do hogs have tails? Tail. Yeah, and tail is not an animal. Colloquialism.

Unless it's a hog. Yeah. Do hogs have tails? No, you guys. Hogs have, a hog is a pig and a pig is a curly tail. This is known. Someone got upset by the notion that you said you can't chase a hog, but you can chase a hog.

You can chase any farmyard animal. You can chase anything. He's got four legs. Yeah. So the second life lesson that James Reid shares, and this one I think is almost as questionable as the first one, you don't know the meaning of the word irreparable until after you're 23. Somehow he communicates this sentiment in the movie

as though it is of significance. Now... What are you, 23? You haven't even been alive long enough to... To comprehend... You've not even been alive long enough to know the meaning to comprehend you've not even been alive long enough to know the meaning of the word irreparable now what he seems to not understand is that different people learn at different rates there'll be a lot of 16 year olds who probably know the meaning of the word irreparable the way i knew it at a terrifyingly

young age because it was brought up in a bar. Yeah, I solved backwards. So irreparable is to repair something. What is the opposite of that? It is to destroy it. So that's not how I figured it out. That isn't even correct. Irreparable doesn't mean to fix something. It means that it is beyond repair. Yeah, exactly.

What? But the opposite of repair... Right, is to break. Is to, yeah, break. Wait. But irreparable is the adjective. I mean, you's to break. It's to, yeah, break. Wait. But irreparable is the adjective. I mean, you're almost 30. You should by all means know the exact definition of this word.

Yeah, I should. Anyway. The third and final life lesson he shares, which sort of comes a little bit later, but on the back of the idea that you do not understand certain words when you're younger is this. And this is going great. This is after he finds out

that Ziccoli has fucked his girlfriend and he asks the question with that exact same... Can I just make a small request that you rephrase that? Yeah. He finds out that

Ziccoli and his girlfriend have potentially had sex. We don't see it in the film. There's no hardcore scene where you actually see it happen but it's pretty heavily suggested they yeah okay you happy yeah i am that's good you get back in there paul have a lovely beer you've earned it man uh is he says you're not even because if zach feels bad because he's had sex with his mentor's partner and he's helped kill

his friend by giving him too many drugs. Oh, yeah, we missed that in the synopsis. A guy dies... Oh, no, you did put that in, sorry. A guy dies because he ODs at a house party they throw. The first night they're in the flat. How wild is that? They have a big house party.

I've got a house party tomorrow. I certainly hope there's no deaths. Yeah, well... Boy, will my face be red now. Probably won't release this episode. Yeah, if you do wind up with a corpse on your hands at your house party tomorrow, I imagine releasing this episode

will be the least of your worries. But that's almost a problem because I'll forget about... I'll be so... You'll be looking for... Wind up with everything else, I'll forget that this is on this episode and I'll just... I fang it out there you'll be looking for I've got to get on with things I get my mind off this death I'll get a podcast episode up so I'll upload it and

people go Tim what the fuck dude especially now that we've talked about the way you'd process the death yeah it would be super intense now. Oh, man. Surely you'd remember. Anyway. I am spinning out now. I feel like I've put a huge hex on the party tomorrow. Yeah, there will be the white... How the fuck do you break a curse like that? Audience suggestions?

Touch wood. Easy. I'm on wood. Cool. Hopefully that'll do it. Yeah, yeah. What was that, sorry? PCP. No PC I'm on wood. Cool. Hopefully that'll do it. Yeah, yeah. What was that, sorry? PCP.

No PCP at the party. Look, I imagine the drug PCP would be a great way of ensuring at least a maiming, if not potentially a death at a house party. Do we do all three of the... No, no. I was going to say the third one. Very good. I can sense the anticipation from everyone in the room.

Particularly you. Oh, yeah. I'm chomping from everyone in the room. Particularly you. Oh, yeah. I'm chomping at the bit. Friend and ally. You know they say it's champing at the bit. Really? Yeah. I didn't know that.

I obviously didn't know that. I learned that when I was eight. Right over there in that very corner. Really? Is it a horse term? Yeah, yeah. Horses put on bits, and when they're excited, they champ at them. I thought it was like because you chomp, right, with your mouth.

That's what I thought too. Someone got it down wrong. That's fucked up. Anyway, the third life lesson imparted on him, after Zicoli says, I killed my friend, I fucked your girlfriend, I feel like I'm a real piece of work, he says to him, you're not even a real person until you're 27. And I would say to James Reid're 27 and I would I would say

to James Reid from the field I would say this you go to a federal prison and you look at people who are in there who are under 27 now their actions

have real consequences and accordingly they're in a real prison yeah so that is a flawed life lesson you are not wrong you have found

a critical flaw in this movie guy and I congratulate you that on this 53rd watch you've finally managed to nail them to the wall with something. We thought it was the perfect movie. Seamless it was. Absolutely

without edge. Just a perfect spherical curved universe that the film had constructed. Every line poetry. Every performance, award winning, preserving. hidden in amongst the text. Yeah. An issue. That's right.

And it took a while. A lot of people clocked out after 52 watches because that would be a whole year of weekly watches. Not us. But on the 53rd my sneaky friend Don Montgomery put his detective hat on. Suspiciously teal and made of a towel material. But for him, as good as Sherlock Holmes' bowler.

Yeah. And he said, I sense an issue with the following. Yeah. There are real people, real people out there who aren't 27. Well, this is the thing. This movie, I imagine the target demographic would have been a lot of people who are under 27. You've done the thinking. Yeah.

You've done the calculating. So to get them all into the cinema and say, here's a movie for you, and by the way, none of you exist, it seems like a pretty sort of haphazard approach to movie making. Hey, it's what The Matrix did. It worked out well for them. No, have you see the sequels? They're fucking atrocious.

Oh, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. That first movie's very popular. I heard a theory about the second two that I can't remember if it was which Wachowski it was back when they were Andy and Larry, but one of them got very involved

in a high-profile New York City dominatrix in quite an intense relationship. I don't know if this is internet rumour or truth. Truth be told. It doesn't matter. But apparently this woman had such a pervasive influence creatively on his whole life. One of the Wachowskis, can't remember which one it was,

at the time. Her, now, obviously, but at the time. And they managed to kind of infiltrate the script writing process with the film. Really? And fuck it up. Yeah. So the reason the second two Matrix films are bad

is because of a dominatrix in New York. I think there's a lot of reasons, but it sounds like the dominatrix didn't help. Yeah. Which is crazy, because at the time, I'm sure the dominatrix would have been saying, these are great ideas. Well, as they say in New York, you want an Oscar? Get a dominatrix.

That's exactly what they say. They don't know shit about the Oscars. Hey, we've got some business we haven't attended to, which we need to. And that business, and it makes sense, we're at a music venue. Yeah, and there's a lot of instruments behind us. Oh, I'm looking at that drum kit so lustily. You guys, what we're going to do is we're going to get a little sentimental. It's a regular segment of the podcast. It's got its own sting and it goes like this. Wait, wait.

We can actually do this musically. Can I get on the drum kit? There will never be another opportunity for me to do this. Yeah, whatever. Are you cool to stay on Vox? Yeah, yeah. I'll do the drums. Yeah, yeah.

For what will be the most tremendous live sting we've ever done. You guys are really sticking it out right now. I respect the goddamn shit out of you for that. I don't know if there are sticks, but I also don't know if I can play the drums. I mean, a band have carefully set this up to use it professionally after a comedy performance. Don't hit it with a guitar.

No, don't hit it with a guitar. That's crazy talk 2, 3, 4 Getting sentimental with James Reid Hit a symbol at least The worst we've ever done

Truly Without question But do you know what I respect about you guy I left you out there left you out there in the cold I was mucking about at the back

looking for sticks and you were like fuck this nah yeah I'm gonna do it well the show's gotta get on the road you know

you're not wrong Stephen and Charlotte will be here soon we've gotta get on with not doing the podcast we've gotta put our best foot forward

for Stephen and Charlotte but so every week the same movie unfolds unsurprisingly I guess at this point We've got to put our best foot forward for Stephen and Charlotte. But so every week, the same movie unfolds, unsurprisingly, I guess, at this point. Exactly the same. And every week, James Reid from The Feelers, the mentor to Ziccoli, gives him a gift in a MacBook Pro box. And what he says to him is this. I may have gotten a little sentimental.

It's a self-serving gift. And he gives him a MacBook Pro box. We never see him open the box. We do not know what is actually contained within it. You the first thought would be probably a macbook pro as it turns out that is not the answer and each week we unpack this gift to figure out what exactly this self serving sentimental gift is i put it to you tim what is inside the box this week a rumba oh what Oh, what else? A rat. It's actually packed. This is a little bit gross. Go ahead. I'm sorry to do it in a live room,

but I'm just describing what's in the box. Yeah, I'm listening. You're familiar with the concept of packing peanuts? Oh, like the styrofoam. You got it. Yeah, they look like little knuckle bones, I've always thought. So rats are being used to cushion the rhomba while it travels in the box akin to packing peanuts.

They've run out of packing peanuts. Correct. But they have a surplus of rats. Live or dead? Well, they were alive when they went in the box. But I'll tell you what, they didn't do well when they went in the box but i'll tell you what they didn't do well when they i gotta say when they went to the destination no matter how like efficient and effective the rhomba vacuum cleaner is if i was you know i went down to noll lemmings and bought one yeah i got home and i

unpacked it and it was surrounded by upwards of even one dead rat anything more than zero is probably more than yeah yeah that'd be going straight back to the factory, I'd say. I think there's been some sort of issue. But, well, if you had gone to an outlet store, sure. But this was a gift. How do you return a gift? It's often you get a card or a receipt. Not always.

Well, I mean, I guess I'd say to the person who gave me the gift, Hey, I really appreciate the sentiment of you giving me a vacuum cleaner even though I don't have my own house so you know I thought the fact it was surrounded by several dead rats pretty unnerving this is this is why you and I are different you know and we uh recently we were on a morning radio show doing something called the man panel uh which was a lot of fun and they posited a question to guy and i they said if you took a shit in a toilet and it clogged would you tell the proprietor of the uh premise guy said absolutely of course of course i said probably

not you didn't say probably you already know yeah that's true it's out of my body that's not my problem it's your policy on shit so yeah but I think that's a lot of people's policies like it's gone now I did my part

I pressed the button I think you know nine times out of ten once the shit's out of your body you are correct that is no longer your problem yeah but if it is a problem

you're saying the problem is still your problem well yeah not their problem exactly so anyway this rat packing peanut situation is a similar deal right

where if I got a gift that was a rhombus surrounded by dead rats I don't think I'd tell the person I'd just be like thank you for the rhombus so but they would

so you know you've experienced opening a gift in front of a family member and it's a bad gift and you've had to pretend you love it. All too often.

And the smell presumably would be so great as that even the person who can't see what's inside the box would smell the dead rats. Yeah. And you'd be like, oh, a vacuum cleaner. Perfect. Yeah, but a gift's a gift, you know? It was apropos of nothing.

This wasn't his birthday. It wasn't Christmas. It wasn't Kwanzaa. It wasn't Passover. Nothing. It was just a sentimental gift. It was a sentimental gift. A moment between friends.

I guess we use Zig-I-Zag sometimes. I would argue that most people in this room would alert the gift giver that their gift is covered in rats. Well, that's your prerogative. And isn't it good that we're not all robots responding in the same way? you know, the gift giver, their gift is covered in rats. Wow, that's your prerogative. And isn't it good that we're not all robots responding in the same way? And isn't it really good that we're not all robots

surrounded by dead rats all the time whenever we travel in our own MacBook Pro box, which I guess in this convoluted analogy would be our cars. Yeah, it's great. It's great that we don't have rats in cars. I agree. And isn't that, at the end of the day,

you know, something to be grateful for? It's what this whole thing's been about, to be honest. An exploration of rats and vehicles. What are they doing together? How are they similar? How are they different? Oh my gosh. Sometimes we're different, but sometimes we're so in sync

we finish each other's sentences. Not on that sentence, which is usually when people do it. You know that, eh? I kind of was setting you up to say the word sentences then. Yeah. I wanted to say sandwiches, but you were talking too quickly, so I couldn't get my entry point in. Do you want to give another run?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're the world zigs, we zag, and we get along very well sometimes. We get along so well sometimes. We finish each other's sandwiches. A classic gag. Oh, boy, we're really making magic up here. That's an old vaudeville trick, that one.

You vaudevillian coot. I'm trying to use old school language. Yeah, they used to call people coots. You old coot. I'll tell you this, everybody. My mum's looking at me. Oh, well, that means we've got to end the podcast bit. Hey, mum.

How are you going? Charlotte Montgomery's in the house. I tell you, you've missed a real fucking bomb in here. It's been a real challenge for us. But the good news is, everybody, that after this, there will be a stand-up comedy show. Oh, hold on. Go ahead. We're still in the podcast

don't burden our global audience of thousands with this housekeeping business okay hey to our global audience

of thousands hey let me rephrase for Guy hey to you who we're talking to who we're doing this for you listening with your headphones on or your bluetooth speaker or in your car yeah hey to you, who we're talking to, who we're doing this for, you listening with your headphones on or your Bluetooth speaker or in your car.

Yeah. Hey, to you. I love you. Yeah, yeah. And also to you, this episode of the podcast is now over. We'll see you next week. See you later. Bye.

Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague who passed out. One of the guys that goes through. One of them's a hotthead, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree!

Agh! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing