The Worst Idea Of All Time - Forty Three - Dinner

Episode Date: May 24, 2017

The boiz are live in SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA! In front of a sold out crowd Timbo and Guyguy are throwing a lot of ideas around and paying scandalously low amounts of time focused on the movie. Instead, it's all about intelligent water, killing cats and the boiz having dinner together. Plus - what animal could peak Zac Efron take down? Also, a bit of tit talk. And drugs! And who's the smartest boi? Let's find out.Trailer: The Male Gayz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. You're gonna play that dastardly intro again. Try, try, try, try, try, try, try. Ow! This movie's still fine. So come here, you bastard. One of them dies, that guy's screw.

One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay. One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. You forget that films are supposed to have a point. I don't even know if that thing's on. No, these certainly don't sound on. That's my bad. Hello.

Good evening, Sydney, Australia. Yes. Truly a pleasure to be here. Isn't it, though? It is. Hey, thanks for coming everybody. We're here at the Enmore Theatre in the Wild Oats room. And it's usually a wine bar, but tonight it is a den of iniquity.

Iniquity. It is a church of inequality. It is a place of happenstance. Is that what iniquity means? What? Iniquity? Iniquity. I don't think so.

Get out of this den of inequity. Does anyone know? Don't be afraid to shout out if you know what inequity means. How many people have used the turn of phrase den of inequity before? Do you know what inequity means? You and I are no better than each other, sir. We're fools. For those of you listening later on,

I pointed at one person, but the person in front of them thought I was pointing at a classic social miscue. Oh, my goodness. I hope we can all recover. I thought we were going to get dressed up for this. I thought, yeah. I thought you were like a fancy dress. Like, get dressed up.

Guy's wearing a bright yellow Australia top with some didn't used to be quite so but now quite ill fitting loose jeans Tim is wearing

quite a nice suit thank you with a shirt and shoes that just don't match and too right but my watch and

pocket square do yeah cool man that's really cool dude yeah I'm a cool guy I think you lose points for having to point out what parts of your outfit man that's really cool dude i'm a cool guy i think you lose points for having to point out what parts of your outfit match that's true as a general rule of thumb look you guys we just watched uh where are your friends for either and i don't know or care the 43rd or

44th time it's literally impossible to tell it's like flying with that file on a computer is literally like having to check in a dead animal on every flight. They don't know it's there, but you do. It's so hard. It's so hard now. And, yeah, and yeah, and, you know, but

here we all are. You're all here. We're all here. There's got to be something going right. Filing into the room in Sydney, Australia. Make some noise if you're up to be something going right. Filing into the room in Sydney, Australia. Make some noise if you're up to date with the episodes. Cool, okay, a few people. So you'll know that in our last episode... I'm going to close that. I was going to videotape this, but the angle's all wrong.

So I'm just going to turn it off. It's terrible. Terrible angle. It's all gone. You couldn't see it. It was just our respective left and right arms. Wasn't going to work. You put that online as a bit of content.

Lovely bit of content for the vultures to feed on. Got to keep that creation pipeline open. So in the last episode, we sort of got really into the fact that the party is over now, and this is almost turning into a wake for the film We Are Your Friends. That's okay. Within 15 minutes, Tim looked at me when we were watching the movie today, and we both made a point of really paying attention today. We both said to each other at the start, we said,

all right, man, let's really get in. Let's break through the wall of indifference that we've been building brick by brick together week after week. The wall of iniquity. And really, it's either a different word or you don't know the wall of an equity and really is either a different word or you don't know the meaning of it so yeah definitely can I'd say a lot of different words you don't have the meaning of but we really both meant to engage with the movie to deliver you guys a premium grade podcast episode of

the highest order and what happened is out of 15 minutes Tim looked at me in the eyes and said guy I can't watch this movie and that's crazy it's crazy to me that it's a surprise to anyone that you can't watch this movie because this is the third year in a row we've reached a point where we just can't watch the movie yeah it's there it's that weird sensory uh discombobulation where you're experiencing the movie it's not going or like you're next to the movie there's and here's how i would describe it it's being next to the movie here's where it's gone awry and we did figure this out today so it was not for nothing here's where the whole project has fallen down in season three the movie on account of its indie roots, is largely shot with the background

in soft focus. And what that means is our favourite hobby of looking for anything else to do is gone. It's like they made it knowing we'd choose it.

And they're like, well, let's see how you fucking handle this. You know what we're going to do? We're going to get some digital SLRs and some very low f-stops on those lenses, and we're going to blur the fuck out of everything that you're not supposed to pay attention to. Here's the Coley's face. It is the crispest, most gorgeous face you've ever seen. And you will not see anything else in this scene, because we're going to take it away from you. We're going to obscure it. Yeah. And they have, and it is maddening because in Grown Ups 2, they had such a light touch to the filming process

that I feel like, I mean, we know that there wasn't really a script, but I don't even know that they blocked it particularly. So they just arranged a bunch of comedians to be in a spot on a street in a town and they flicked a camera on. And when you do that, you have a lot of shit you're capturing natural light

the point of difference was everyone was in focus in that movie it was just that the main actors were closer to the camera it was shot very flat so you got to watch the stuff happening

in the background and you know it was just a bunch of professional extras who'd been waiting four hours for the basketball game to finish just passing the time until they can go home again

and even Sex and the City 2 they pipped their moments of gloss and shallow depth of field but mainly you can see everything in the film we are just do behind there you know we're picking that up we're saying we're currently marooned with a group of characters we no longer have anything to talk to about yeah i've got to make sure this is recording because this really do. I mean, you've... It's hard. Because you do get... Every now and then you get one wrong. Oh, you don't have to sugarcoat it.

No, no, no. No, no, no. But the thing is, I would love nothing more than a rip into you. But... I'm really afraid the battery's going to run out. Oh, great, man. That's great.

That's a real good bit of tension to just throw into the room. I quite like it. In any good movie, great, man. That's great. That's a real good bit of tension to just throw into the room. Isn't it? I quite like it. In any good movie, you have something called the time bomb, which is like, you know, as you come to the climax of the film, you've got to have something that's kind of time sensitive, and we've got it in this

very episode of the podcast in front of a live audience. What's the time bomb and we are your friends? How do you know all these, like, jargony turns of phrase for script writing? I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? I don't know.

I'm online a lot. You just kind of see shit. You don't know where it comes from, but it gets in. Yeah. Osmosis? Am I using that word right? Who knows? That's what plants...

No, that's photosynthesis. Yeah. It's a different thing. I don't think plants get to use osmosis because plants don't have brains. That's why vegans are okay with eating... Vegans can't eat shellfish because they think they have feelings.

This suit is so much hotter than it looks. There's no ventilation or something. Something's gone wrong. I think this shirt's quite a thick shirt as well. Well, I'm also facing a problem, Tim, because I didn't pack any deodorant and this T-shirt, in spite of how expensive it looks, very cheap material. Really trapping the smell beneath the cotton.

We're just two sweaty boys watching Zac Efron do his thing for the 40-month time. And we're going, you know what? He's in this town somewhere. Is he in the room? Oh, yeah. Zac Efron here. That's true. Zac Efron is in Sydney right now.

Zac, did you come? We would have noticed. And room? Oh, yeah. Is Zac Efron here? That's true. Zac Efron is in Sydney right now. Zac, did you come? We would have noticed. And you would have, too. There would have been a security detail. I imagine wherever that man goes, it's kind of similar to a president. Like, there's a secret service force that surrounds him of security guards. Honestly. And because they have to be way bigger than Zac Efron, and Zac Efron's, like, max big

at the moment. Those are some huge dudes. We'd notice them. He's probably... He's quite short, I imagine. A lot of people... Efron and Zac Efron's like max big at the moment those are some huge dudes we'd notice them he's probably he's quite short I imagine a lot of people Efron yeah a lot of people

they breed him short down there they put all the focus on their features and they forget to stretch them out so you get a lot of very chiseled

beautiful people under 5 foot 8 you know do you think it's like a video game where you've got a set amount of points and they've kind of put it all into the face it's like when you used to choose a car on grand

turismo and it can either be fast or handle well but never both yeah yeah i'll be zach efron is a phenomenal lay though which for you guys isn't related to the last point but for me there's a very direct line between that grand turismo analogy and me imagining how good zach Efron is. Whipping out that box office gold and having his wicked way. And that's another thing. And we won't delve too much into this, which I'm mainly saying for your benefit. But when you watch this movie so many times, all you get left is really base elements of it.

The movie is trying to do a few things. It's trying to capture a few different audiences. One of the audiences, it's trying to get a genuine fuckboys who have disposable income to see movies. And the way they do that is by showing us just enough of Emily Radichkowski's breasts. Well, they also show us a movie

that focuses on four fuckboys. So they get, you know, it's good for fuckboys to fight. Oh, boobs, cool. It's great that the fuckboys finally get some people to relate to on screen, I think. It's about time four 20-something white men really got to go into a cinema and see themselves for once. I know.

Representation among young, white, middle-class men has been a problem for a long time. It has, and it's something that not a lot of people talk about But we're brave Because we are them We're brave boys Which means that we're not brave So much as insulated from insecurity That's not right either You can be insecure Tim was trying to say though

Is that once you have dealt with the plot of the movie Which I think we did I was remembering this week How I used to be so Whenever Zicoli and Somali would have sex I was like well this isn't going to end well. And then when he gets to T-Sex. You've just admitted they had sex.

Oh, no. Shame. Well, it's suggested. We don't actually get to see any penetration. As far as I know, it's a sex-free movie. I wasn't paying attention to what you were saying. I just noticed that you beat the gas. Well, you've been trying to catch me out on that, Frages.

What I'm trying to say is once you've dealt with all of the elements of plot, so once you've accepted that Ziccoli and Somaly, there's infidelity there, and then James Reid has to confront it, and all of the elements of plot so once you've accepted that zicoli and somali uh they have a they there's infidelity there and then james reed has to confront it and all the plot elements you are just left with the moving parts of the movie which all obviously beautifully in focus but what's happened is every week that goes past where it's harder to care about the characters and what's happening in the story it just strips away all the carefully constructed layers of me being a decent human being that i've built, you know, over years and episodes of the podcast. And I'm just like,

just all I want to watch in that movie now is, you know, Emily Radjikowski's tits. I'm just sitting there like, just give me the tits. That's all I want. That's the only thing this movie is good for now is a few sweet, sweet shots of those cans. And I don't like that about myself.

Of course you don't. No one's made us do this, but that's what's happened. Where'd you get a water from? A fridge. Fuck, that's good. So that's not only water, but it's cold. And it's not only cold water. This brand is called IQ Spring Water.

And do you want to know? They've got an explanation for why it's called IQ Spring Water. Go on. Intelligence applied. Quality assured. How do you apply intelligence to water? You put it in a bottle and sell it to people. That's pretty much it.

And then they provide some information. Ion sanitation. 0.2 micron. Like a lot of stuff, which doesn't mean anything. You're throwing a lot of numbers at us. Any other good stuff on that bottle there guy that you want to delve into while we've

got a captive audience who's paid to be here yep they use an ozone free process what is the process that uses ozone to distill water though I've been hearing about it

there you go it's like hey guess what no kittens were killed in the making of this bottle of water it's like yeah I should sort of hope not I didn't assume

any word now you brought it up I'm kind of wondering it's such a good marketing scheme to be like I can assure you that our brand

we do not murder animals to purify our water it's like oh I didn't realise there was a thing that was going on and that's what I love

about this podcast what do you love about this podcast what do you love about this podcast what do you know look at me in the eyes what do you love at this point what do you love

about this podcast aside from the fact that people pay to watch it because I can only speak for our podcast I can only speak for the one that we make

no animals are killed to make this podcast I can assure you of that. Yeah, I just think that you shouldn't make promises that, like, I just think

that you're speaking for half of the podcast and I feel like you're forgetting that there's another half. That's true. And look, I'm not saying

I do kill animals. But you kind of want to hold on to your ability to do so if you wish. Well, yeah, I don't want to paint myself into a corner whereby if an animal, like if there's a microphone on one side of a room and an animal in between me and the microphone

and the animal's being hostile, I don't want to have to get to the microphone without killing the, you know, like I want to be able to deal with the animal. I just feel like... You're the worst kind of entitled millennial. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, lay in! I want all options available to me. Don't you dare limit my choices.

And I will come down hard on anyone who hurts an animal, but I definitely don't want anyone to impede my right to be able to hurt an animal. That's not millennial specific. That's everyone. It's just selfishness, isn't it, really? That's every person. Do you like to lock in your...

Hold on. Wait on a sec. Every person... Every person wants to reserve the ability to kill an animal on their way to the microphone. You're mixing our metaphors here, Tim. I guess so. Every person wants to be able to...

Do you like to make plans in advance or do you like to leave them open so that in case something better comes up... Open always. Everyone's like that. All right. No one's perfect. Here's a question for you.

What do you think is the biggest... So Zac Efron at the moment is in Sydney promoting Baywatch and he's maximum buffed up to be on this junket. Too muscly in my opinion. What is the biggest animal that you think Zac Efron could take down in hand-to-hand combat at the moment? Fuck, man. He gets laid out by James Reid from the feelers who's a washed up alky so

it's in the script though i'm talking about in real life because i reckon zachary's been doing some do you think are those are they water muscles or is that do you think he can really fuck her like i reckon he could kill a german shepherd i reckon you could probably kill a german shepherd nah man do you reckon that would take you out goes against all of my morals it's not a question of physicality it's a matter of principle kill a German shepherd? Nah, man. Do you reckon that would take you out? Goes against all of my morals. It's not a question of physicality. It's a matter of principle. Let me ask you this.

You, German shepherd, microphone behind it. What's up? That's a very different situation. Yeah, isn't it? I've changed the game.

If you were to lay money... Do you honestly... Do you reckon you couldn't take down an adult German shepherd? I guess they're trained to kill, eh? No game. If you were to lay money... Do you reckon you couldn't take down an adult German shepherd? No weapons? No weapons. Just you. What is it?

I mean, what's the situation? Is it angry? Is it sleeping? A sleeping German shepherd to kill. That's so brutal. That is fucking metal, dude. I don't think I could kill it. Yeah, I don't think I could either

now that I've thought about it for a hot second. Because that's a police dog. You know, they picked that breed for a reason. Yeah. A lot of people call them Alsatians as well, eh?

That's the same dog. Is it the same breed? It's the same dog. Any dog experts in? Oh, it's so good. We usually draw quite a big dog crowd. Alsatians is the same.

Is that German? The word Alsatian is German. Is it German for shepherd? They changed it during World War II. They changed it during World War II. I'm going to repeat what you say because you're not mic'd up. Thank you for your information, sir. Are you one of those dudes that watches a lot of World War II documentaries?

What is a lot? You're right. It is all comparative, isn't it? You know what a lot? You're right It is all comparative isn't it You know what a lot is A lot is when you know that the word Alsatian Is definitely the correct German parlance A lot is when you're the only person In a room of roughly 100 who can assuredly say

Yeah no they changed that during the war That's a lot Would we call it a hundred? Come on, man. This is for the people listening. None of these guys can yell out loud enough to correct us live. Generous rounding, I think. Well, that's pretty good.

So, okay, back to the task at hand. What sized animal could Zac Efron at peak physical condition, which I believe he's in right now, take down? Okay. Like a small bear? In the bear family, he could take a koala. Are koalas secretly quite vicious? No, but yes.

They are, right? They've got like talony. They're not a bear. They're not a bear. They're a marsupial, which excludes them from the bear family. Okay, cool. Some horse shit. They're a beer.

Yeah. They're called a koala beer. In all of your shops where I buy my t-shirts, they don't say, do you want to buy this small plush koala marsupial? They don't fucking say that. They go, yeah, we've got a whole lot of koala beer merchandise here. Crazy.

Crazy to me. You ever seen a big ass adult koala like a full-grown yeah man yeah they're so scary hey how big are you thinking like two meters tall i've seen i've seen i've seen it i'm thinking of kangaroo they both start with the cat that's why you should let these people poison you by calling them marsupials

that's where the confusion crept in yeah that's true look I think Zac Efron could kill virtually everything in the dog family I think he could

kill a lynx he could kill a bobcat he could kill a cheetah he could not kill anything bigger in the cat family than a cheetah do you reckon he could kill a cheetah though a cheetah wouldn't kill him cheetah. He could not kill anything bigger in the cat family than a cheetah.

Do you reckon he could kill a cheetah, though? A cheetah wouldn't kill him. Cheetahs are thin. Yeah. Yeah, I'm with you on that. And do you know they get tired? They're very good from, you know, they've got like a good 200 metres in them, I think, but they get gassed real fast.

They're explosive. Which is why they're so svelte. They don't eat much. All the science checks out over here. Who do you think... Can I ask this? Oh, this is interesting, actually. Who do you think is the more intelligent half of the podcast?

Should we do it? Yeah, I don't mind losing to you. That's fine. Yeah, I definitely don't mind losing to you either. I'm fine with that. The stakes couldn't be lower. Can we do an honest round of applause? Who thinks that me, Guy Montgomery,

is more intelligent than Tim Baird? Oh, God. They might just be gun-shy. They might not clap for me I don't often get to do a victory lap around you By honest round of applause Just clap your hands if you think that I am the smarter of the two of us on the podcast Why?

Why? Why? Because he does a side one about politics That doesn't make you smart. No, it doesn't. That makes you boring. What's that? I'm not wearing a bow tie at all.

Listen to our Luddite audience who have no idea what intelligence is. He's smart because he's wearing a bow tie. Firstly, that doesn't make someone smart. Secondly, no, he's not. You're insane. That is insane. 0 for 2, dude.

0 for 2. Oh, no. It's a shame that podcasting is largely a listening medium because... Can I throw a question at you? Me? What has happened

in that bathroom this week? Oh, that's good. So it's a new game and a fun game, pretty much. Johnny Depp comes out of a bathroom after... You're burning time, aren't you? No, no, I'm just providing context. We've done it. We've bedded in. Everyone knows how this works.

Do they? Clap if you know how now I'm abusing it. Yeah. Look, what's happened in the bathroom? I don't know. Johnny Depp is whistling, which suggests to me that maybe a wild animal has gotten in maybe a raccoon

maybe a fox voiced by George Clooney who's to say maybe Wes Anderson was at the party the night before mucking around with his claymation models

in the bathroom and instead of cleaning them up like he usually does very fastidious you only need to watch one of his movies to know that he's just left clay

all over the place. And some of the clay is brown and it's in the toilet and he's like, oh no, the toilet's clogged. Don't worry about it, Johnny Depp. It's just clay. It's just heaps of clay in the bathroom. Where's Anderson's clay? Yeah, where's Anderson's clay having to the bathroom? No one seems satisfied

by that, but fuck you. But, I mean, fucking what a party. Yeah. If what we are seeing satisfied by that but fuck you but I mean fucking what a party yeah if what we are seeing in the front room is some kick ass beats

and a lot of weed being smoked and meanwhile what's happening in the toilet smoked a lot of weed being smoked

what did I say smoking okay you got a little chip on your shoulder there mate no no no just

um where's Anderson to be You got a little chip on your shoulder there mate No no no Just Calls it how I see it Where's Anderson To be holed up in your bathroom Just doing clay shit While your party's happening Like that's a level of sophistication Of a dinner party That I've not seen before

Wouldn't call it a dinner party I would now though That's the thing Like I wouldn't before But if Wes Anderson is there In the bathroom making clay things I'd be like This is a dinner party That says to me That your measure clay things, I'd be like, this is a dinner party.

That says to me that your measure of whether or not a dinner party qualifies as a dinner party is not whether or not a meal is laid out. Correct. But it's the caliber of the guests. Exactly. That's precisely right. If you ask me to a dinner party and I come around your house and some of my favorite people are in the room and there's no food.

If you're there, it's not a dinner party anymore. That is unnecessarily mean and you lost the audience with that I'm not playing for them you're playing for you yeah I'm playing for me I'm playing for me

my invisible bow tie and this excellent game show suit I think I think yeah I understand what you're saying

and it is pretty amazing that Wes Anderson would be at a party and they were getting so gassed up on drugs, illicit drugs. Could you point out Wes Anderson in a line-up, though? Yeah. I don't know what he looks like.

He's the guy holding all the clay. Yeah, that's true. So that's the giveaway. Johnny Depp's name is Wes, isn't it? In the off-season. No, no, no. That's James Reid from The Feelers. Oh, that's Wes Bentley.

That's Wes Bentley. Gotcha. Of American Beauty fame. Gotcha. He's handsome. We don't talk about it very much, but he's handsome too. You don't like to give him that. Here's another thing.

Outside of Somaly's tits, I would also love to see more close-ups of the men's butts. They've all got great butts. All the boys. Real taut butts. I don't think... I've got a pretty good butt. These jeans are too loose to show it off, but I've got a pretty tight little butt. Just saying. So proud of yourself i don't think we um or the movie makes a big enough deal of how

cut squirrel is we only see it when they're jumping in the pool and he's about to nail himself on the concrete because he's got his jeans around his ankles but he's he's got a body this is the base he's so he is the he's the nerd of the friend group right and that's the base. So he's the nerd of the friend group, right? And that's the base level of, unless you're getting cast as the schlubby sidekick, I think that's the base level for entry into a Hollywood film, which is, you know, I think reasonable. I don't want to watch people like me on screen.

They got an audible awe of sympathy from the crowd for Guy it could have been disgust that's more like eww

oh no but there's awe like maybe they came into this podcast thinking Guy seems like a nice reasonable dude

and now they're leaving being like he's talking about suddenly his tits he's ogling tits and butts and he just wants to look at muscly people.

And there's nothing wrong with that. Well, then let me take this opportunity to say what the audience is thinking. You're a real piece of shit, Guy Montgomery. That's fine. People love it when you say that. Who would have thought we'd have a catchphrase, eh? You have a catchphrase. Yeah, that's true.

I don't have a catchphrase. You just take it. You're part of the catchphrase. You have to be the subject of it. I experimented. It's like when Urkel... Wait, what? With what? A catchphrase. Oh, your catchphrase is excellent, actually, and I think people miss it.

I know I do. Well... Maybe it'll come back later. I don't want to force it. You're not a show pony. No, I'm not. I'm a thoroughbred. Not a show pony. Tim, I gotta say, I feel like You're not a dancing monkey. I'm a thoroughbred. Not a show pony. Tim, I've got to say, I feel like we're not really getting into the content, getting into what we actually just watched. Fair.

So I ask you this. Yes. Any standout performances this week? Any specifically poor or frustrating performances? I'll tell you what. The woman who has a fun fact about sushi not being fresh, not a good performance

from her this week at all. What issue do you take? She's pushing too hard. It's unnaturalistic acting and I won't stand for it in this film. It's not, yeah. Do you think that the film

is grounded in reality? The only person who destroys it for me most weeks is Jarhead. Oh, and Johnny Depp a little bit. But everyone else I think is doing a pretty good job of keeping the suspended disbelief there for me. There was a scene between Ziccoli and Squirrel this week when they were in the sushi restaurant bearing their feelings and souls to one another

where we both looked at each other and said, we are watching a masterclass today. It was a tour de force of acting. It really was. Between two giants of the four. And you know what the secret is? I figured it out. If there are any aspiring actors in the room,

all you've got to do is you've got to find out what to do with your hands. Yeah. And then you're laughing. Did you notice the flourish that Screwhead, I've never seen it before until this week, you think we're going to be doing real estate the rest of our lives? I did not. It less I feel like I'm it's quite effeminate when I'm doing

it now out of context but when he does it's very naturalistic and just kind of we're gonna be doing real estate there is to read but there's a got a roll on it a roll of the rest real estate the rest of it now it's just sassy the way I'm yeah you think we're gonna be doing real estate I don't know dude that was a good performance, but you found that the sushi lady who you requested is drunk in love was not up to snuff this week. Absolutely not.

How do you feel about her week in, week out? Patchy. Has she ever turned in a performance where you were like... I assume so. Bravo! Yeah. After almost four dozen watches of a film,

I'm sure that one tricked me and she got in and won an Oscar. It's not a trick, man. It's not a trick if you enjoy it. It's a success. Nah, you can be tricked into liking something. It doesn't mean it's good. Give me an example. I don't want to.

You must. Alright. I don't want to. You must. All right. If you're watching a movie blisteringly stoned and you're like, this is a masterpiece, and then you wake up in the morning, you're like, Harold and Kumar escaped from Guantanamo Bay, maybe shouldn't have got the Oscar after all that I beat it for. That's not a trick.

That's a decision you made. I think it's a trick of the weed. You know, like a trick of the light, but with weed. I understand what you're saying, that weed can heighten an experience. I don't think it really backs up your statement of there's such a thing as a trick. Now you've muddied the waters of my brain. Okay. Well, what did you think

this week buddy did you think anyone had a particularly sterling performance who wasn't named Skrill or Zicoli in that specific scene nah

I watched 15 minutes of the movie and then sort of it happened around me you look like you're having a flashback you're gripping my arm I'll just announce

to people not in the room and your eyes have kind of glossed over you're like a Vietnam vet going back Charlie no Charlie I'm the opposite and that I there was a bit at the end of the movie it happens every time it's the coldest closing monologue no no and it's like the movie you're gonna have to tell me what you're doing with your phone because you've got it out and now you're Just kind of waving it. Hmm

Have you written stuff down? Hmm? Someone struck me as a little impatient this week Name names rhymes with BIM tat So the movie purported, you know, like it's a Coley They it's the same thing actually at the end of this because we're in the midst of the Sydney Comedy Festival, it's the same thing at the end of a show when a comedian's like, and now for the last minute I have to stop being funny and pretend that there was something to this. Yeah.

And they do this in the movie. And Ziccoli closes the movie by being like, he sort of does a sweeping comment about millennials and it's like what we're capable of now, what you can do and what it takes. Also, he's so far ahead of his station at the end of the movie the closing monologue suggests that zicoli has made it as a dj zicoli has just bombed the one opportunity he got in his life and the one opportunity was a gig in a car park yeah an american apparel which has since gone out

of business yeah and not just that store but the chain okay that's how bad he bombed out do you know how poor you have to be at beat matching to bankrupt an American giant real bad and so over the tail end

of this horribly beat match song he starts preaching to the audience about the experiences that he's had in the film and what he's learned from it

and he references back to earlier in the film in Johnny Depp's inspirational speech. He says, I just found out that someone had to make Instagram pretty much. He's trying to get the boys raised up and he's like,

hey guys, you know that app we all use, Instagram? Someone made that. And so at the end of it, he does this speech and I was so specifically fucked off this week that I went on IMDb and I found it. I found the speech, the closing monologue by Ziccoli.

And I took a screenshot of it on my phone. Thank you very much. Are you going to give us a reading? I'm going to give you a reading. And this is what he says. So this is meant to either impart a message or inspire the movie watcher. These days, you can invent an app.

Start a blog. Sell shit online. I mean, all three of these things. I don't need a failed DJ to tell me that these are options I have. But if you're a DJ, you're going to need to start... Actually, whoever transcribed this in IMDb is made in a very humiliating area.

They've spelled start, star. I notice these things. I'm very smart. S-M-A-R-T. But if you're a DJ, you're going to need to start with one track. I don't think that's right. I think if you're a DJ, you're going to need to start by learning to mix other people's music Probably get out there, you know, hustle, grind Touche

And if it's real enough And honest enough And made of everything that's made you Where you came from Who you know, knew, fuck, your history,

then you may have a chance at connecting with everybody. Connecting with everyone else. So yeah, and if it's real enough and honest enough and it's made of everything that's made you,

where you come from, who you knew, your history, then you may have a chance to connect with everyone else. He's just summing up the terrible song he just made. He pretty much being like hey i'll tell you what here's what i've learned from my experience as a dj if you just make some recordings on your phone over two weeks before the gig and just slap them together with a beat that doesn't work that's enough that should be

the name of this movie eh that's enough's Enough. It works in every which way. Zac Efron, Emily Radichkowski, and Wes Bentley star in That's Enough. That's how the execs approved it. Maximum Joseph's in the room. That's Enough. Do you want another draft? That's Enough. Truly.

Should we shoot another couple of scenes just to sit? That's Enough. Hey, I feel like this could spend maybe another couple of weeks in the edit suite. Easy, easy. The editor's not very happy or mentally well. I think that's enough. Thanks, Max. And then you may have a chance to continue.

And maybe that's your ticket to everything. Don't fuck. Oh, I tell you, the only person who's done a worse job than whoever wrote this closing monologue is the person who's transcribed it to the IMDB page because

it now just jumps to Jarhead's line don't fuck with me I'm in a good mood but it's it's written as though Ziccoli sang it in his closing monologue

so this is how it reads now yeah yeah yeah I want to hear this actually then you have a chance at connecting with everyone else. And maybe that's your ticket to everything. Don't fuck with me.

I'm in a good mood. I'm here to inquire about a free piece of pie that was advertised. That's so good. Oh well, I believe that off is only on Thursdays. But I mean, I could make an exception, I guess. This is the best part. The best part of anything, really. It's the moment before it starts. That, according to IMDB, is the best part the best part of anything really it's the moment

before it starts that according to imdb is the closing monologue this feels like a thing i feel like you've tripped over a concept here of getting like a shooting script and getting the dialogue of other people and kind of like just bunching it up together so it's one speech and trying to sell do you think zicoli recorded it as one speech and then they watched the rushes and they were like, this doesn't make sense. We're going to have to ADR other people

saying some of these lines for context. Because I reckon what's happened is that quote was on before the movie came out and someone got the script. That's what that's from.

I see. I wouldn't put anything past these people at this point. There's so much nonsense in the film that anything is possible. Well, okay,

so we've been mean. Shall we be nice? Sure. Do you have anything that you specifically enjoy? Perhaps, I don't know, if only there was some sort of turn of phrase which would capture what I want from you right now. Maybe a bright torch.

My bright torch this week is a guy who is at the presumably night class or community college course that Somerly is taking. Stanford it ain't. And it's like a... There's about half a dozen people in a lecture hall that looks like it could take about 100. It doesn't feel so different from right now.

No, I'm just kidding. You are. Now you're being needlessly mean to us. And our beautiful paying pundits. There's over being needlessly mean to us. And our beautiful paying punters. Over 200 of them, I count. Donald Trump over here. You don't just applaud someone for saying the name of the president. That doesn't work.

There's a guy who is behind Somaly about three rows and just like almost out of shot and he just looks so tired and bored and he's just slumped over a book. And I've never seen him before, but I'm like, there's a bit of realism for me. You know? That is something I would expect to see

in a community college course. Someone who just doesn't want to be there, hunched over a book. Hey guys, I feel like I haven't talked to you at all this show. How you doing? I bought a skateboard off you. Oh, you're the dude. It's the fucking guy.

What's your name again? James. James. Were you at like Melbourne last year or something? No, no, no, no, no. Here's what happened with James. Yeah. James, we were in,

when we did our show in New York City, we were out for, we were having some drinks with our partners. I don't know why you have to say it like that. Because I like to be ambiguous about whether we're straight or not okay cool and uh we were talking and then some two people came to australian people came and they're like hey are you guys so it's really weird you guys tim and guy do you do a podcast and we're like yeah and

they're like oh this is really weird but her little brother is a huge fan of the podcast yeah we have this postcard could you write on the postcard to him and we were like uh yeah sure okay so we wrote in this postcard it got sent like a year later last year in september i was in sydney and i went out to manly i was devastatingly hung over and some kid was skateboarding out the front of a skate shop on a board and i was like fuck that looks so much better than walking i'm gonna go and buy one of those and i go into the store and the guy was skateboarding was james and he was like this is crazy you guys wrote me a postcard

this year how insane is that and he's here James Vertucci everybody that is powerful Tucci Feely on Instagram I know you man I follow your life dude

that's really cool that's a family isn't it An abused family That we've built here Through these years But what you saw Was yourself in the movie Who cares about

What I was talking about This is incredible St James is in the front This is good I feel warm I feel so warm I am sweating profusely Tim chose his shining light

In the second to last frame Of the movie Halfway through I found mine And Tim said Oh fuck you've got one And then obviously I am sweating profusely. Tim chose his shining light in the second to last frame of the movie. Halfway through, I found mine, and Tim said, oh, fuck, you've got one. And then obviously just forgot about it until it was almost too late and grabbed the last thing. Oh, don't say that. And what you like and what you saw was you watching the movie. It was a character in the film, but you were essentially looking

at your reflection on the screen going, I can relate to that. It was realism. It was a piece of realism i saw in the film and i gravitated towards it how dare you how dare you sorry tim ed ed ed i still i'm not gonna get it admonish i always think there's a d and a b but maybe there isn't admonish admonish yeah i think i'm adding a b in there that's not in the word Almost definitely, because there's no B in admonish, dude Abdomish Yeah, that's what's in my head How dare you crinkle your abs in a bad mood

That's alright, you don't know mine? I'll tell it to you, I don't care I would love nothing more You already know it, but this is for posterity, really It's important we capture these things yeah i there was a really and you know how often we gravitate back towards sound design in these films yeah but there was the scene where zicoli and james reed from the feelers uh james reed from the feelers confronts the coli and he says did you fuck her and zicoli doesn't say yes because no one knows whether or not they actually had sex in the film not even they're in a strip club

and they're in the strip club and they're in the bathroom and you can hear through the door you hear it open at one point and shut and you can hear through the door the sounds of the music playing in the strip club loudly next door and it's it's yeah this is like the bass line yeah yeah yeah it sounded less like sort of the elephants on parade song big elephants on parade they were actually playing those

strip clubs it was crazy I was like where are these strip clubs I want to go to the one that plays nothing

but Disney yeah shit yeah all strip clubs that I've been to which admittedly isn't many but it's always

got the same kind of it's always Rihanna playing yeah there's something very dark to me

about listening to a whole new world by someone's strips it doesn't have to be Disney but I just like

I want what about just like some jazz what about Miles Davis playing in a club while people are stripping would it be too hard to like

kind of get the beat you know oh yeah I think yeah stripping to Miles Davis is a fool's errand I imagine

but I mean I don't know I don't know. I don't know that people are going into strip clubs and doing it to enjoy the people dancing in time to the music. I've just got... I'm not going back in there. Those beautiful naked women could not keep time. I've got such a dark vision in my head

of a stripper doing a real slow motion pole dance to Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World. And it's just like, I don't think there's anything sadder. No. Very little. Fuck. Very little. Oh, it's so vivid in my mind's eye.

I'm seeing it play out. That's so sad. Just stop it from happening. God damn, that's sad. That's your mind's eye. And now you've done it to some audience members, definitely. Don't get stuck in the K-hole. But yeah, so for me it was the sound design.

So it was like just the very accurate and beautifully caught sensation of being in a room while music loudly plays next door. You know, we were one man walking out of one of the cubicles and going, Would you stop the banging on the damn furnace from being inside of one of Shauna Paul's smash hit video clips. Not enough people remember the Shauna Paul video clip where there was a very good character called Disgruntled Neighbor. Dig, keep digging.

And what he would do is just throughout... Dig that hole, guy. Dig your way out. I'm trying, but someone keeps talking over me. They'd just come out and in the middle of the video clip it was as though the party was happening in the video clip

in a room either above or beneath where this other guy lived and he'd come out occasionally and he'd say, would you guys stop banging on, he didn't mind about the party, he loved the party, it was just that they kept

banging on the furnace. I don't even know what a furnace is. What was that amazing music video and I think it was like one of the first real big music videos with twerking in it. Ben Stiller. Taylor.

Jack Johnson. Just threw like three disparate names at me. No, no, no. Jack Johnson's video clip with Taylor is what you're thinking of with Ben Stiller. It's not. At all.

Well, it's what I'm thinking of. Was there twerking in a Jack Johnson video? I'd started saying that before you said the it twerking in a John no no no I'd started saying that before you said the word twerking it was a music video and um she's like twerking hard out

and I think smashes through the floor and then falls down into like the kitchen and everything's a bit grubby and then it kind of like catches to all the different

people around it's like a virus you're describing one of the episodes of the smash hit show Fail Army which I co-hosted in New Zealand

it's not a video oh not a lot of Fail Army, which I co-host in New Zealand. Oh, not a lot of Fail Army fans in the crowd tonight, I see. In Sydney, Australia. It's such a good show. Yeah, it's really good. What I want to do is get all of the episodes of Fail Army hosted by Guy Montgomery and Joseph Moore and get them torrented. I want to get them on Pirate Bay.

Man, I want nothing less than that to happen. The way I look at Fail Army is like, I'll burn New Zealand, sure, but the rest of the world

doesn't know this is happening. Do we have any other business we need to do? Yeah, we do. What is it? Two, three,

four. Getting sentimental with James Reid. From the feelers. Yeah. Do you want to know what Tim talked about while we were watching the movie this week? Wouldn't it be a lark, wouldn't it be a laugh

if at the end of season three, the last season of The Worst Theory of All Time, we got matching tattoos of the face of James Reid from the actual feelers. New Zealand's James Reid from the feelers. Who is, by all accounts, quite an unhappy, washed-up rock star. And I think we should get him present day. He's still...

That is funny. He's still touring, man. Did you know that? He's not touring. The band is touring. He's on those pub tours. He's on those gigs. You've got to eat man In Northland

It's work Yeah I can't wait I can't wait for 30 years from now When we're touring The worst idea of all time In small town New Zealand Playing Hokka Tuka

Strange concept I remember 30 years ago And we'd get watching And say what a crazy time that was Boo We would get so booed I was like, what a crazy time that was. Boo! We would get so booed. No one would be there to boo.

It's such an absurd concept. I love the idea of us booking out, even in two years from now, I think everyone will have forgotten, just booking out a hall, being very ambitious with the marketing. A lot of spend online, a lot of posters around town a lot of flyering and then just we turn up what would it even be just us reminiscing people love people reminiscing they really do i don't think that's

true that's all of mark maron's podcast hey, what was it like when you started comedy? And then they just walk down memory lane and Mark Maron keeps making it about him. And you're like, come on, Maron. I had to stop listening to that because I was sick of hearing about Mark Maron's dad.

I wasn't even sick of hearing about him. I was just like, all right, you've got Bruce Willis in. How are you going to make this one about your dad, Mark Maron? You know actually Bruce You remind me a lot of a very stern male figure in my life My father

God damn it Mark So getting sentimental with James Reid Tim I put it to you What is in the box? Well this week Sentimental gift Fits in a MacBook Pro box What is it?

It is a Chromebook. Shame. Is a Chromebook a Google computer? Yeah. And they're like 300 bucks, brand new. And they're a bit shit. But you can knock them around a bit. That's their whole point.

What does it do? Is it a laptop? Yeah, it's a laptop. It's basically just so you can go on the internet and that's it. That's pretty sick. Yeah. What's wrong with a Chromebook? Why are you saying shame? It's a good. It's basically just so you can go on the internet and that's it. That's pretty sick. What's wrong with a Chromebook? Why are you saying shame? It's a good gift.

Because if you set up to be receiving a $2,000 brand new MacBook Pro and you've got a glorified calculator, it's like... It's a good prank. It's like putting a magazine in a PlayStation 2 box. That didn't happen to me. It didn't, so I don't know why We're still talking about it You know what though

For all the shit We give this movie There's still a few tracks On that soundtrack Which kick every time for me There's one As the credits are playing That's Pavlovian

Oh yeah You might be right, actually, yeah. I don't think that song would hit you half as hard outside of the context of watching the film. Fuck, maybe you're right. Like Ario Speedwagon, you hear those bars, it's like, we've done it, we're out, here we go. It's interesting, though, because Sidney Lauper's True Colors,

even though that represents the end of Sex and the City 2, that represents one of the darkest periods of my life. Yeah. And the tragic irony of that is the song's all about telling people how you feel. And if I ever meet Sidney Lauper, I'll be like, all right, Sidney. Cindy?

Cindy. Sidney Lauper. Lauper. I would say. Maybe I'm thinking of the cheap knockoff version of it. True Real Shades by Sandy Lepper. Sandy Lepper. Produced on a Chromebook.

And it's all like a little bit 8-bit and shitty. It's bizarro world, True Colors. But that's the only instance whereby the closing credit song does not have a positive feeling, but a very, very dark response. Very visceral. Isn't it interesting how some things that make you feel different?

Yeah, you're right, Tim. It's real interesting. That's OVA. Oh, we are really plumbing the depths at this point. I mean... It's weird how sometimes you're in a good mood

and then sometimes you're not in a good mood. I know. I know. And now, like consistently now, because I keep thinking you are stopping me to say something. You finished, but I just, to log that I have something I want to talk about publicly. Very good. For the last few weeks, it's felt a little bit low energy watching the movie, and it

isn't just like, oh, this movie's, you know, I'm a bit hungover or a movie and it isn't just like oh this movie's you know I'm a bit hungover or a bit tired didn't get enough sleep last night it's like no that's now that's where we are

and that's where we will remain it's a lack of cocaine as well I think yeah that's true fuck do you know what and we don't okay full disclosure

because we don't normally talk about this but seasons one and two we were smoking a lot of weed while we were recording and there has been a distinct lack of marijuana involved with this season But seasons one and two, we were smoking a lot of weed while we were recording. And there has been a distinct lack of marijuana involved with this season of the podcast.

And I think much to its detriment. Thoughts? Yeah, no. If listened to from start to finish, this podcast is by all accounts a glittering advertisement for the illegal drug weed. Yeah. And a really damning indictment on sobriety. It's all context specific, but you're absolutely right. Anyone can be funny if you're willing to break the law a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

It's fine. Now, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, the segue to the kind of it's kind of lost but last night tim and i we had it right we had a beautiful like we had a lovely night together yeah we went out for a meet like just and this is i think it's maybe the first time in a long time we've literally managed to hang out without any work any context of the podcast or what's going or what we have to plan or something you know touching the conversation we went for a beautiful meal yeah uh and then we had a lovely cocktail do you want to name check the place because they really looked after us i

can't remember the name of it it's in redfern it's a nice it's a nice yeah it's got a red lettering on a white sign uh it's a nice italian restaurant in redfern and we and then we had a lovely cocktail afterwards yeah and then we went our separate ways and we're staying quite close to each other here in sydney you had like a 10 minute walk to get home and what did you tell me that you thought so as i was like late because we did a few drinks too um so i was like and we'd had a really good catch up you know when you came with a friend and you're like wow we really disconnected for like three hours it was beautiful and then i was walking home i was like oh fuck you know what i should have got a selfie of us so that I could promote sell some more tickets for the show tomorrow

and then as soon as I thought I was like I am a fucking monster that is my friend Guy Montgomery and I can't even go to dinner with him now without thinking about

how to exploit it to promote the thing we make and it made me sick to my stomach about what I've become and what this relationship now is.

And I felt sad. Yeah. And then you told me about it and I also felt sad. Whereas the whole day I was like, wow, it was really nice hanging out with Tim last night. I didn't realize it was just a marketing opportunity that you flubbed. Yeah, well, spade to spade, you know. Hey, that's probably it, I'd say, for this week. Is it?

Yeah. Yeah, fair enough too. Yeah. You guys, it's been so good. What is it? There's like another seven plus two. Nine? Yes.

I think the mistake I made was asking who was more intelligent than realising that as a unit we are greater than the sum of its parts. Absolutely correct. That is the important bit to remember. Yeah. Tim knows the sums. I provide them. No, we do have to put a pin in it,

but thank you so much for coming out. Tim, should we end the record now and then talk about stuff that we're going to do? So thanks for listening everybody we'll be back next week ow this movie's still great but we're really good at this

one guy that goes through one of them's a hottie his name is Jay one of them looks like Johnny Depp and his name is Johnny Depp

classic Maximum Joseph you forget that films are supposed to have a point thanks for listening to this podcast if you're thirsty for another

why not try the male gaze the wizard of Oz is a real you could tell movie if your kid is really into it

well that'd be where the phrase friends of Dorothy comes from or is that just because people with Judy Garland had lots of gay friends

no I'm well both probably yeah it's just so interesting I mean the movie's camp but not kind of camp

in the way that like Priscilla the Queen of the Desert is camp yeah you know but it's just I guess it's about that

like sort of young girl lost in I think it's camp in almost the exact same way as Rizzo the Queen of the Desert. The lollipop guild is not camp. All of the prominent roles are women in iconic dresses. It's just that in Brazil it's men as women in dresses. They're both male.

They're both gay. They're male. woman and dress as.