The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 106

Episode Date: October 15, 2020

It is past midnight and Guy and Tim are hanging on by a thread. The boiz are split between Auckland, (where Tim has a full house with a new puppy and a baby visiting and you better believe he's cooking big dinners at 2pm) and Arrowtown (where Guy is with his dad, reciting vegetables to Guy's mum to figure out what to cook for dinner). Ethan from Bangkok nails the tone of the project, we've got huge The Male Gayz fandom and a big fan of the boys who listens while commuting on their push bike. Louisiana Tim is a scary look-a-likey observed by Brandon and Jack Hall is writing from August 18 2020 and asking for Monty Senior to get on the pod. Guy, however doesn't want to watch porn with his dad.HIT UP OUR PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, it's the Friend Zone with Tim and Guy. It's the Friend Zone. We're gonna have a good time. It's the Friend Zone with Tim and Guy because making friends is the best idea of all time. Friend Zone. Hi and welcome to the Friend Zone featuring Tim batt who is in auckland new zealand and guy montgomery who is in arrow town also in new zealand status status report it is status report three minutes after midnight your boys have watched an entire pornography and uh recorded an episode and we're coming hot off the heels of that record to bring you this friends own zone that's right for the friends alone uh i just like to tell you i so i'm still i'm down here to um do a show but i'm staying with my parents i didn't actually know that are you doing a show i'm doing a show, but I'm staying with my parents. I didn't actually know that. Are you doing a show? I'm doing a show tomorrow night, yeah.

Oh, fucking awesome. Where? In Christchurch or in Queenstown? In Queenstown, at the Sky City. That is fun. Who's on the show? Paul Douglas. Shout out.

Is putting it on. He's hosting it. It's Paul, Mel, and Rado, andado and me fuck that's a good lineup man that'll be a real fun show oh man yeah i'm super excited by the time this comes out it will have been at least a week ago by the way mad respect to survive this evening i just want to tell you that before i came down here because two and i've been uh working together this evening i just want to tell you that before i came down here because two and i've been uh working together this evening for three hours now and i it's just me and dad here and dad was like i was like i've got to go do some work with tim and it's like oh yeah what are you guys doing now we're still doing the podcast it's like like, still no worse idea? I said, yeah. What are you watching?

I said, well, we kind of stopped doing the bit where we do the same movie over and over. We're actually watching this sort of quite far-ranging softcore pornography franchise. Emmanuel. What did Stavid say to that? He said. Emmanuel. What did Stephen say to that? He said, Emmanuel! Those were around when I were a young fella. We gotta get Stephen on the pod.

He would be a phenomenal guest for this series, dude. He'd be a great get. I'm sorry, but that is a line for me. I'm just finding out now. I'm not sitting down knee to knee with my old man to watch some softcore pornography. I don't know. It's not where my head's at.

Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. What's up with you? Mate, I'm just here in the studio. We've got a new puppy in the flat so in addition to rufus rufus is a friend i just swallowed into the microphone i apologize for that i'm really happy for you guys and you're and rufus actually it'll be nice for rufus to have some canine company absolutely i think it's probably something he's been longing for i'd say

so i think it'll be beneficial for him i've also got a baby in the house at the moment uh our friends sir and kahu staying for a couple of days which is fucking lovely um what else is happening that's about it that's a bit that's enough to keep a man busy that's where i'm at i tell you you gotta squeeze in a bloody you know you gotta squeeze in a soft core amongst all that that's a fucking big night out a lot of kerfuffle i had to really plan tonight what did i do i looked at the day ahead and i said tim this isn't going to quite work so i cooked dinner at 2 p.m. Made some pizzas. And in addition, actually, because the pizzas took so long to cook in the oven, I was like, I can make pasta while this is in the oven.

Because it's like I've got to keep watching the pizzas. If I leave, they'll burn. So in the time it took to cook the pizzas, I also made some spag bol. So now I'm up to my arsehole in meals which is good because the time now what do you mean oh it took longer than i had anticipated so now i don't know about now it's like three that whole episode took about once you include cleanup i'm very big on making sure that the kitchen is spic and span after i've completed a meal so once everything's done about 60 minutes because my thought was sarah and car who've got a baby

they're gonna what they've like they've driven a long time to get here we've already got two three additional flatmates that aren't myself my wife that's a big house there's one kitchen it's dinner time it's going to get chaotic can i extricate myself out of that yes i can for i am home at 1 p.m hey what a guy that's the assuming that you you were preparing this food for everyone and you didn't just have a huge lunch that you called dinner at 2 p.m. I cook for me and I cook for Zoe and that's it. Everyone else can go and get dinner. Yeah, my man.

I fucking simply love to hear it. I actually, Dad cooked some dinner tonight he's not traditionally a a chef well like you know he can cook for himself but as soon as there's anyone else in the equation he is sort of like in panic mode and he was um he was listing he called I was sort of just sitting at my computer doing some work and listening to him. And he called up mum and he was listing all of the... I'm a vegetarian and he just eats meat. He was listing all the vegetables in the fridge. To try and like create a meal?

Yeah. To try and create a vegetable stir fry. It's fucking, do you know what, man? It's fucking hard going from, like if you're a meat eater to cook for a vegetarian because meat is good

and it just makes cooking so much easier. Yeah. It's a tricky old business. And to be fair, I was not being useful. Like I was not helping. I was just enjoying listening to the phone call. I was not a video assistant.

I was not like any assistance i was not like you know volunteering help god bless you guys dad which was cruel but also thoroughly enjoyable um anyway should we get into some uh some correspondence jeremy has penned the following communique which i possibly have read before but i don't think i have dear i think i have dear timbot and guybatron familiar so far 2020 has taught me many lessons but my favorite is knowing the people of altiroa are a wonderful bunch your health care affordable your politics effective your islands beautiful your comedians best in the biz the home alone series was a perfect pick me up during the height

of quarantine so i kept listening over the past four and a half months i've listened to your entire catalog every time you reach the end of a series i like guy hoped that you changed maybe you'd grown and next time i listened you wouldn't really be trying something so dumb as the same fucking format again i worry about you guys maybe quote learning from past mistakes is the one thing new zealand isn't so good at love the pod love the new world of culture you've opened me up to say my name the man's name is jeremy wong that is all news to me tim and i i might be wrong but uh i don't think we've heard that before and And if we have, why not hear it again? Because it's a well-written letter and it's nice for us. Absolutely.

So thank you, Jeremy. Happy to be here or there, you know. I got a little bit into the Facebook, and I'd just like to give it another pump because the Facebook Messenger is now up to speed. I'm having a great time. I should give you the login for patreon yeah sorry you go yeah yeah i'll do that because i've only got two cool but um keep sending us anything

you want to say we're still talking on facebook and this i received on saturday september 19th it says filling the fucking box. Sounds kind of gross. Yeah. The other night, my wife and I smoked a joint. Ever heard of it? And watched Guy Guy's, that's me, set from the gap in lockdowns. Oh, nice.

Wearing the red toque. So it's a set of stand-up comedy that you filmed with the dogs bollocks that i think they're referring to and the fact they've used toque and not beanie suggests to me they might be in uh canada i think toque is canadian and we howled i was a little concerned the missus might not get down but she loved it we ended up letting youtube just feed us more Montgomery morsels until it tried to slip in some Reese Darby, and I was like, oh, fuck no. Just kidding, Reese.

Just kidding, Reese's sound too. Big, wet, possibly COVID-drenched kisses from Toronto, Chris. Thank you, Chris. That's so sweet. Very nice. Glad you enjoyed it. And thankfully,

I don't think you can catch COVID from a digital kiss. A disease which I've been on the record as saying is a real menace. Not what people are saying. At all. Yeah, that's what I'm saying though.

I'm saying it's a menace and other people, you know, can't control what they say. I'll tell you what I'm doing right now. I'm saying it's a menace and other people, you know, can't control what they say. I'll tell you what I'm doing right now. I'm replying to someone on Patreon because they've said that I've reposted a Kellionaire, which is bad.

Ah, they're saying that right now. Yeah, but I guess that's a later problem, not a while I'm recording the friend zone. What's nice? To have a glimpse behind the curtain, you know? Mate. This is like a role play. Fuck, I hate it.

All right. Pajat? Yeah, P-A-R-G-A-T. Pajat? Pajat? Pajat? I don't know. Pajat?

Pajat Singh? We would both like to apologize 100 percent um pajit sing has sent us 60 check this out new zealand dollars yes yes thanks for a hilarious show i also liked your teenage mutant ninja turtles pilot episode please send half to guy unless he's secretly terrible good luck for your future projects um don't worry guys i don't hide oh fuck i haven't paid you actually uh true i don't i don't i don't embezzle oh yeah i did actually that's right i did last night. Yeah. I was stoked. Sweet as. Valerie Rogers. I got a big one here.

I shouldn't go again. You should go. From Wednesday, September 23. Dear sweet frosty fellas. I'm writing this none too brief message to you from my office in Bangkok. Where the inside temp is a brisk 20 degrees, and my colleagues are all wearing lab blankets. I have one of your earlier friendzones in my ears, and I thought to myself,

why shouldn't I also get friendzoned by the boys? Let me start by confessing that i came to your podcast via the male gaze which i continue to recommend to everyone because those boys are like you also very good maybe even in some ways better oh i love this i feel like i'm discovering how to read as I stumble my way through every sentence. But from the male gaze, it was your turn. I first listened to during my hour-long motorcycle commutes a couple of years ago

and discovered that motorcycle helmets fit real tight on the face and don't allow for a whole lot of noisy, wide-mouthed laughter. I would end up looking as if a grandmother had squeezed my cheeks while trying to chuckle at some quip from Tim and Guy. This would make the whole situation worse until I had to slow down and pull over to collect myself. Accident-inducing fun, you are.

I've known about you total GCs for a long time because I was partly responsible for the broadcast on 95 BFM Breakfast of the nascent era of fan fiction comedy starring pretty much all of your friends. Yes, I'm a real Northlander. I also think that given the success of Little Empire Podcast and all those involved in it following that brief era on independent radio, the hashtag boys might need to consider paying the hashtag B as in hashtag BFM if that wasn't already clear. Are you going to say something? I'll save it to the end.

I respect that. Your podcast continues to tickle and inspire me through my commutes, which have now shortened to a far more manageable 25 minutes atop a bicycle rather than straddling a motorized death trap. With your dulcet tones in my ears, I can survive the calamity of this paved paradise we call Bangkok. So my whole entire fucking name, lest it be all for nothing ethan mccauley p.s the fact that t w i o a t twio it contains one more syllable than the worst idea of all time means that guys infrequent but grating insistence on using it as shorthand infuriates

christ out of me i've never done the math on that that's so good use it in your use it in your urls and handles all you please but please for the love of all decency on earth stop referring to your show this way you utter piece of shit fuck yeah dudes that's the tone that is the bar this is the kind of correspondence that we need to be receiving at all times from you

and I would expect nothing less from a assumedly former though possibly present BFM staffer. In terms of returning the payment, I sort of appreciate where you're coming from. I actually volunteer on BFM. Every Wednesday, I jump in in the morning and join Rachel and Tess foress for media bat which is my media commentary uh segment um bfm's awesome love it to bits i'm pretty sure i've got a b card i think i'm paying for that everyone wherever you are on earth you should support student radio because was it ethan

student radio because was it ethan what was that yeah yeah as ethan mentioned like they take punts on crazy shit that otherwise wouldn't start anywhere and fan fiction was like the original of our generation new zealand comedy enterprises wasn't it like that were you in it uh no not i mean i did some of the shows yeah down the line but i was a part of it this is like the sort of beginnings of rose matafayo joseph moore um eli matthewson uh some others. It was fucking wonderful. It was such a great collective. And shout out to Heidi, who is now in London, I think, making awesome stuff for film and TV. I think she studied filmmaking somewhere. Yeah, in London.

Heidi O'Loughlin, right? Aye. Yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. It's been a hot minute since I've seen her. right aye yeah yeah cool cool cool it's been a hot minute since i've seen you so shout out to everyone who's ever had the bravery to pick up a microphone and a huge shout out to um to ethan for that admittedly very funny message to the the lads here at twio it valerie rogers penner of such classics as big uh mr big's big book of ideas has um sent a pdf and said hey boys here's the pdf for mr big's big book of ideas here's the descriptions from the podcast organized by episode not by placement in the book although i think they will be pretty

clear which drawing they go with this was the document i used to make the book you're very sweet about the book it is the only arty slash drawing project i've ever done so hearing such nice things is lovely i'm particularly proud of the david bowie page that was hot shit have a great day valerie ps i am sure you will read it but according to big mark ruffalo is the zodiac killer that's in the book pps the page with a line of a mix of uh web dings and wing dings does say something oh man it's a fucking treasure trove it's a fucking treasure trove wow this pdf has some good bullet pointed details i've also got the pdf up in front of me how have you got that did valerie send it through um guy get your email open i'm

firing you over some emails fantastic the first one is from jack i'll just do a tease of the big book of ideas we should really read this we should do a tease of the big book of ideas. We should really read this. We should do a... Well, I've got to scan it. I've got to do the scan. I've got to fucking do the scan. Yeah, but just as an event on, you know... Yeah.

At some point, we should read out the whole book. It would be nice to read it in memory lane. Absolutely. This is a tease. It says, Mr. Big's big book of ideas, 49 plus pages, total listening time, 39 hours, 21 minutes. Pastries Made, 2,756 days, listen four. And then it begins, episodes one to 24, zero pages.

Episode 25, four pages, and I'll pause it there. I'll check my emails. I am Gar Montgomery. Is that what's going on in your head in downtime? Yeah, constantly. And I'm not joking. Literally, I walk around the house going, I'm Gar Montgomery.

I'm Gar Montgomery. What does that mean to you? It's just who I am. It's my name. Yeah, that's cool. It's a good mantra. It's a good mantra. Close to the simplest a person can be.

I think it's very affirming. I hadn't even thought about it from any sort of outsider's perspective. I do not mean to poke at the edges of your brain at 20 past 12am after what I assume was a pretty healthy whack of the illegal drug marijuana. Oh man. This one was written on August 18th. Greetings, Timbly, Wimbly, and Guy Guy. Good day.

I do not know if those are still your nicknames. If not, I hope this was a nice blast from the past. And your ass. Nice. Today is the 18th of August, 2020. And over the past six weeks or so, I've listened to around four hours per week day of your descent into the pits of insanity, starting from season two. That's where it starts on Podbean, and I'm currently on episode 30 of season three. I do not know what direction your podcast has gone.

I do not even know if Tim and Guy still hosts. If not, whoever is reading this, stop here. These words are not for you. All I know is you need to have, this is crazy, Guy's father as a guest on the podcast because he made me chuckle. Wow. Again, as I'm three years worth of podcast behind maybe you already had monty senior on and if you have excellent i look forward to hearing that episode i'm happy to see that the war between brady and dick bot hasn't concluded with the end of the world yet but i'm not happy that pandora's box or as i like to call it james

reed's box has been opened and unleashed a global pandemic on us. But I believe in the spirit of Skrill to aid us as a planet through these hard times. I hope you get to read this, and I hope I get to hear it before Brady's ultimate victory. And when I do, I will report back to you. Thanks, Jack Hall. P.S. Timbly, if you read this, feel free to use my name. If Guy is reading this, I know you already have. Wow. Such prescient messaging in that email.

That's crazy. I think this is the universe insisting upon Stephen Montgomery joining us on an episode. But I do respect that this is your and your alone decision to make. It was a lovely message to receive and an incredible, he called something out that had happened twice, you know, or he got the, he got the Monty senior and he also got me reading out the name. I literally got me as good as i can be got i'm forwarding you an email just so you can see a photo but i'm gonna read the email

dear tim sending you big birthday vibes from the big east uh the big easy city of new orleans louisiana i was as they say swiping on tinder the other day and rapidly losing steam when i stopped dead in my tracks this This guy looks like you. Take a look at Louisiana Tim, a.k.a. Brandon, and let me know what you think. I would have swiped right just to know the guy to see if he's a comedian too, but I got panicked, took a screenshot and screamed no as I swiped left.

I hope you get the same satisfaction as I did when checking out Brandon, but today serves as a reminder there's only one tim bat happy birthday it la la laisis le bon temp ruler you can't you can say my name brandon just kidding it's nicola um Louisiana Timbo what do you make of him I don't know about this guy yeah me neither dude I think Nicola's set you up a steaming hot pilot look I totally I get where the similarities are and i understand it but that doesn't change the fact that this is very confronting he's got a fucking like um menacing energy yeah he's uh yeah he doesn't look like a friendly man to me in this photo it's just one photo but um louisiana timbo is a very different person from Kiwi Timbo.

100%. That's cool. I've got one here. Yeah, and then I've got to go to bed. I'm tired. Oh, I'm with you, dude. It's a real quick one, too. It's from Brad.

It says, howdy. I enjoyed your... Oh, it's subject is Velocipasta. Howdy. I enjoyed your review of this weird movie, but I never saw any scene With pasta in it As you described Just a strange man Of the cloth

Love the show Keep up the good work Beer server Well Not only do you not remember Any scene With pasta in it But I fucking sure

As hell don't I was actually When I downloaded An Emmanuel film Through legal means I opened up a folder that you see a dropbox folder called for guy and in it it is just a boulevard of the like the disaster that our media consumption viewing habits have become yeah they're just movies that guys had to be sent because our Patreon

subscribers chose for us to watch and review them and it is a dire folder if there is a cursed folder on the internet it's that one man I'm just scrolling back to find it so I can here it is

read out some of the titles before we go. Because I don't remember watching so many of these movies. Christmas with the Cranks, DC Cab, Deck the Halls, Ernest Saves Christmas, Food Fight. That is one of the weirdest movies to this day I have ever seen. Yeah. Food Fight is crazy. Hard hard ticket to Hawaii, Kung Fu Yoga, Saving Christmas, The Book of Henry, The Watch and Tiptoes which I've kind of fond memories of. Tiptoes is wild. I just think I think of the trailer and it's just so like it's just so sort of a parody of a like a Hollywood movie trailer it's literally unbelievable anyway Brad I can't remember is that the number person you just wrote yeah man you got it you've got it yeah thank you thanks everyone for. I'm absolutely fucking rinsed.

Take care, everyone. Nothing to report. Just wanted to say bye and that we love you all. We really do. So in your darkest moments, in your most perilous depths of anxiety and sadness, just remember that Timbo and Guy guy love you we are by your side not physically that would be impossible and possibly confronting um but but very much in energy and spirit we are right there with you and we we we're there for you yeah and to take it out today i'm gonna read out tim you can see this in the

camera here the list of vegetables that dad had written down perfect baby spinach broccoli bean sprouts which has a tick next to it peppers which also has a tick next to it What did you eat for dinner tonight? Tomato, onion, courgette, red peppers, leeks, garlic. And then he's got in a different list, garlic, leeks, and grated ginger, all with ticks next to it.

And rice. And rice. Good night, everybody. Ed Rice Goodnight everybody Well it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy It's the friend zone We're gonna have a good time It's the friend zone With Tim and Guy

Because making friends Is the best idea of all time Friend zone