The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 112

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Tim had to bury a hedgehog - awful. Guy’s car got stolen - briefly. But who cares? For 2020 is dead now and we are being rewarded with a 348 page erotic fiction starring Timbly and Guybo. Monty’s still on his BS regarding sandwiches and people want to know if the fellaz are ACTUALLY friends. Our friends are awesome, and they are you.Live stream details here: worstideaofalltime.com/stream Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friendzone, with Tim and Guy, it's the friendzone, we're gonna have a good time, it's the friendzone, with Tim and Guy, because making friends is the best idea of all time, friendzone. Cause Guy we're friends. Timber times. friend zone because guy we're friends we are mates that's why we're on the friend zone with the rest of our friends it's what we do here we hang out we do hang out with our friends often not long after we watch pornography which is also what friends do um all sorts of friends do it in all sorts of different ways for us it's a sort of platonic professional experience for some people it's probably quite a rot an erotic sort of personal experience what our podcast no no no watching porn with friends oh i got you um i got you chief

i tuned out don't don't worry about it. I think listening is probably the eighth or ninth most important thing in podcasting. Here are the first seven in order. Hit me. Number one, audio quality. Paramount. Absolutely paramount. What? Exactly.

Number two, cleanliness, for it is next to godliness you got to make sure you have a big shower wash your balls scrub behind your ears clean that asshole out before you jump on a mic fucking hell number three rhymes like dimes people love rhyming and that's why you should incorporate as many couplets onto your podcast as possible. Some call them couplets. I call them fucklets. Cutlets? Number four.

The fourth most important thing in podcasting. Make sure you're two dudes doing the show. I cannot stress how important that seems to be um rule number five uh you got to make sure that you've got an associated dance for your podcast wow not unlike flossing from fortnight exactly a lot of people talk about uh getting a theme song together getting some sort of logo podcast podcast artwork, brand identity going on. But, of course, before you do any of that stuff, you've got to make sure that you nail the dance associated with your show.

Love to hear it. Rule number six. Lucky number six. You've got to wear a hat. Yeah, man. You can't be flying without protection. Hatless. Hatless, yeah

That's right You'd be exposed to the elements, exposed to the sun You're going to fuck yourself up You need protection That's right Believe me, it's for your own protection That's um Will Smith

Yeah, that is Will Smith The late, great Will Smith That's right That's number six and a half Always dedicate your podcast to the memory of the great Will Smith, a man whose career has experienced the undulating highs and lows that we come to expect with the great Hollywood conveyor belt of fame. My understanding is he had a pretty rigid childhood.

I was going to say tough. I don't know if that's the right word because usually when you say someone had a tough childhood, that's almost a euphemism for it being horrifically bad, but it sounds like he did have a, a, a tough upbringing. I don't know. His dad was a real hard ass.

Oh really? Made him and his brother disassemble and then reassemble a brick retaining wall in the backyard just to kind of instill some work ethic into them yeah i don't think that's how you should instill work ethic oh it's not a huge waste of time it's like breaking rocks in a jail yard you know it's like at least do something that's going to stay up there well build a chicken coop no but the brick wall now they know how to make a brick wall tim can you make a brick retaining wall i'm just saying build one that's gonna stay there they did do you know what i had

to do yesterday no i had to bury a hedgehog in a shallow grave on this property why did the grave have to be shallow because i hit clay really early and it just got too hard to move any more of the clay good on you for giving giving the hedgehog a burial. Burial? Burial. I think it's burial. Oh, man. Burial?

Yeah. Burial. Burial. See, in the Kiwi accent, we would say it like a berry grows on a tree, and it's like a berry. It's a burial. Burial. But in any other language, I think you've pronounced the U correctly.

Burial. Burial. U correctly. Burial. Burial. Burial. Burial. So this hedgehog, it was a big hedgehog too. It was dead and sitting on the outside curb on our property for, I mean, I saw it one day. And then I sort of went, well, like all my problems, I think if I ignore this, it will go away. Of course.

And then I went to bed and I got up in the morning on a sweltering Auckland day, which was yesterday. My God, it was hot. And not only was the hedgehog still there, it concerningly had grown bigger. Oh, it was bloating. Yes. That's not nice. Like a beached whaler that started to rot and fill with gas. So I thought, well, at a bare minimum,

I've got to get this out of the way of the dogs. Of course. Because if the dogs get a whiff of this, they're going to get stuck in. So I had to scoop it up, find a little spot in the garden that wasn't immediately clay, because there's a lot of, like, the ground here is clay a lot of the time, and dug a little hole and gave the hedgehog a little service.

Did he say anything? I didn't say anything. But in your head, were you like, oh, I hope you had a nice life. I'll see you later, little... In my head, I was like, this is... The only hedgehog I've really interacted with in all my years is Sonic, and this is, like, the opposite. Three-dimensional and dead. Yeah the opposite three-dimensional and dead

yeah not two-dimensional and faster than the sound um well you know good on you because we had i remember we had outside of our our place um on the on the footpath everyone's footpath but it was the footpath it's the queen's thepath. Yeah, like the swans. There was a rat that died of unknown causes. And we left it. And we left it and everyone else on the cul-de-sac left it. And I watched over days became weeks became months as science ran its course. And this rat, I don't know if someone eventually scooped it

after multiple weeks or months and got rid of it. It would have been a cat, maybe. But a cat, nah, man, because we've got so many cats now. And the cats knew not to fuck with it. It was there for ages. Anyway, it decomposed. Yeah. They do that.

Yeah. Yeah. Incredible. Isn't it interesting that the cats kind of, they know. They know what to fuck with and what not to fuck with. Mm. If it was a fresh rat, they might fuck with it. Oh, of course.

Cats, yeah. Cats are little... You know, cats are just little domestic predators, aren't they? I could go... Someone should write a musical about them. I could go my whole life without having a friend tell me that they got a cat. I'm never like oh huge you know you got friends who are all like they're all deep into the cat game yep i'm in a thread which is not meant to be about cats and all it is is people exchanging photos talking about cats and i'm like

i've fucking seen a cat before yeah i'm with you dude we've and it's not even like we're done it's not even the responsibility you know you're not it's like a dog is, dude. And it's not even like... We're done on cats. It's not even the responsibility. You know, it's like a dog is an investment. A cat, it's like this thing is built to take care of itself. And Guy's speaking as someone who has a cat on site. Not some Luddite nobody. And I love the cat. And Fig and I have a great time together.

But I don't think anyone else would be interested in it. You're not under a false pretense that you and the cat have some sort of relation. Do you know what? The cat's around. Fig and I, we're flatmates. And we're flatmates with a mutual respect and understanding for one another's wants and needs. You're in a share house together. I feed Fig every morning, 6am, every night, 6pm.

Fig knows when the fuck he's eating. Sometimes if I get up early and I'm doing some work, Fig will come sleep right next to me. Yesterday I was going to the we've got like a storage under the house and I was going to put something in the storage and Fig, no shit was sitting like underneath the window leaning against the wall

like a person Just watching you, making sure Well I looked at Fig and Fig looked at me and we made eye contact And then Fig changed his body position To something more cat like Anyway Cats aren't interesting

Shouldn't have said it Sorry for mentioning it everybody What do you mean? Shouldn't have said what? Well I was just I was just talking about I never need to hear about anyone's cats And then here I am

I don't like you apologising For saying things on this podcast Well I'm sorry man Makes Fuck I really pushed you into a corner On that one didn't I? I don't like you apologizing for saying things on this podcast. I'm sorry, man. Fuck. I really pushed you into a corner on that one, didn't I? An easy corner. The corner of easy street and easy terrace.

Whitney writes, Dear boys, oh no, hey boys. I fucked it up on the first word. Just dropping by to say that the perforated stamp nightmare boner test was also a plot point in Sex and the City, the original series. Or, quote marks, SATC plane. Charlotte is having a major boner trubs with her first husband major boner traps yeah with her first husband agent cooper from twin peaks and puts a ring of stamps around his david lynch i'm so sorry while he's sleeping and then surreptitiously checks in the morning i forget what the outcome is i think the boner inspector is satisfied that all systems are still functional tim i have to agree that people move in their sleep

stamps cannot foretell the future to what is that word? to multi- to misce- yeah you say it into the mic you just pick up the rest of the email maybe stamps cannot foretell the future

to misce- to misce-ability of a penis, I've said penis is connected to a human body that will inevitably toss and turn and slumber. Get it together, science. It's the 90s. We've got to look up that word. That's a really great word.

It's massive. It might be one of those words that doesn't exist, but the first bit does. Like, is it tumultuous? Is that the root or? I've punched in a rough version of it on google and they're like no i know did you mean this no anyway anyway this is just to say that all roads lead to each other i guess and this world is ridiculous if one can so easily connect putting

stamps on a dick with two fellas in his head with four girls fucking their way through the big apple love you lots if for some reason this ends up on the friendzone Tim you can say my name Guy you already did bye xox Whitney well guess what Whitney you daft motherfucker

I hadn't said your name and now I have twice real careful I don't think we've ever done a mid message changeover Whitney

I feel like gets it this message was sent in mid November Whitney gets what the podcast is all about Whitney does get it It's not about the thing It's about the idea

Yeah yeah And the stuff around the thing It's not about the penis It's about the stamps around the penis So to speak Friendzone Says Guyon de Gomez Mount And Timothy the Blessed,

fellows of the frost. I bring you greetings. Fellows of the frost. That is our order. 2020, eh? By the time you read this, hopefully that sucker is dead and buried. You guessed correct. I, for one, am planning a wake for the year that will also include

a bit of jumping up and down on it to make sure the bastard is dead sheesh what a monster but there were perks i attended a stand-up class and tim taught me things oh sick it turns out it turns out he's quite the teacher second career there if you ever need it mr bat you can just see it, can't you? Tim, strolling, chilled beyond belief until classroom. He did a cipher knowledge into young and impressionable minds. Brilliant. I listen to way too many seasons of the podcast during lockdowns and commutes and runs and mowing the lawn whenever.

Inspired by the rarity of podcasts nowadays and your modeling of high production values, I started teaching my media studies students how to follow in your footsteps and become podcast magnates. I can confirm that you are very safe in your number one spot at this point and that they are some years away from being serious competition to you. Also, only one or two figured out where I got the inspiration for the unit from,

so I've still got my job, so far, until they start talking to their friends about the most recent season. Then I'm completely fucked and looking for new work. Anyhow, Guy made some inspiring comments about his favorite mushroom sandwich a friends on a tour ago, and I thought I'd share my lunchtime project with you. I'm attempting to find the best sandwich in the world.

The sandwich de la creme, if you like. Sandwich deluxe. Te hanawiti taunga. Each fortnight, my workmates watch me waste an entire lunchtime constructing one of the greats. The pastrami on rye. Mexico's mole. Denmark's national dish. The open sandwich, known as the smortebrod, avocado fucking toast, le croque monsieur,

the Reuben, Vietnam's amazing banh mi. Each of these amazing delectables are crafted with the finest ingredients a poor teacher's salary can afford. Then save it with the anticipation built up by a fortnight of planning and waiting. God, I love a good sandwich. And here another sandwich aficionado recommending one for me to go check out during the party was an unexpected treat. Many thanks, guy. Any others you recommend out and about in your travels? The roast chicken sandwich at the Fed comes with chicken crackling and dipping gravy.

How does it measure up? Yours and sandwiches. Say my name, AJ. You remember AJ? Of course I do. Yeah. It's my most recent semester. The chicken sandwich at the Fed I revisited very recently.

And? I don't think it came with crackling when I got it. Oh, did it stand up under closer inspection? It's been quite a famous and popular sandwich in Auckland, New Zealand for a while. A real institution of our... People of a certain age, and that certain age is our age. That's right. And we are the same age as you, the listener.

What sandwiches... I mean, I still can't go past recommending Hare and Turtle if you are somehow in Auckland. It's out in a suburb I didn't even know existed called New Windsor. What about Christchurch? Do you know, I haven't had a sandwich in Christchurch that wasn't at a house for a long time. I would be lost. I wouldn't know where to go. Wellington, I got one for a sandwich in Christchurch that wasn't at a house for a long time. I would be lost.

I wouldn't know where to go. Wellington, I got one for you. Go on. Romeo's. Where's that? Great new little deli on Vivian Street. It's opposite the Victoria University School of Architecture and Design, that big red building. It's a cool building.

It's a little deli by day and a bar by night. It must be very close to the locksmith. Really close to the locksmith. Great place to go and um get your shoes resold your locks done your fucking trophies engraved and um your watch straps seen too yeah um but yeah romeo's in wellington if you ever down that way and uh hair and turtle in auckland are my two big sandwich tips i actually i did i can't remember.

Is it time for a spin-off sandwich podcast series hosted by Guy Montgomery? No. No, I don't have enough experience. But I do love sandwiches. Oh, Hero Sandwich in Mount Eden. I can't remember what street it's on. It might be New North Road. Hero Sandwich

They've got four sandwiches on the menu And they're all outstanding Again, I haven't tried all the sandwiches Because I only have the vegetarian options I think you're kind of like putting yourself in a box of Here's what I see happening for the podcast, right? Is that you're the people's champ On the sandwich beat

So you're not like a pretentious sandwich connoisseur who's out of touch with what the general populace wants and needs out of a good Sammy. You're actually, you've got your finger on the pulse. You're out there representing the people's wants and needs. That's right. And finding what they want. Don't underestimate my input.

No. People are getting a lot out of your sandwich recommendations. I appreciate that, Tim. Lends itself to having guests on. Fuck, man. And talking while eating. That eggplant palm from here in Turtle is... Yeah, that was a revelation,

that one. I'm salivating thinking about it. My God. It's important to have hobbies, everybody. This one comes to us from Ray. Ray says, Hi, Tim, and hopefully Guy via Tim. I was just enjoying a delectable episode of the Friend Zone

and you mentioned your YouTube Red Pilot. Coincidentally, I'd been thinking about re-watching it all day and I'm going to take this prompt to go ahead and do so. No idea who left

your single thumbs down, but they're a fool and I simply won't stand for it. I believe there's two now, isn't there? How many thumbs ups have we got? Over a thousand, I think? I think we cracked a thousand. There's two thumbs downs on it. Some people just don't know what's good for them.

Fun fact, continues Ray, which you may or may not care to know, I watched the pilot for the first time the day before my father died this year. It was a really joyful, positive moment and I don't regret it. Thanks for that moment of a respite. Made a real difference to, and I don't regret it. Thanks for that moment of a respite. Made a real difference to me, and I can't wait to watch it again.

Also, Tim, thanks for guesting on my Naruto podcast. Say my name, if you do so please, Ray. God damn it, Ray. I'm trying to remember the name of the podcast so I can shout it out, because you haven't added it to the email. I'm going to track it down. That was a really fun podcast with a group of friends. It was really cool.

I watched an episode. They're all very au fait with the series. Oh, boy. I'm going to track it down. But do you want to say anything about the YouTube Red Pilot while I find that? We're up to, here are the numbers for you. 1,100 likes likes two thumbs down 19 671 views the most

recent comment was two weeks ago and it says tim's lifeless smile was consistent throughout the entire pilot it is very scary to me yeah i read that um that comment and it gave me a great insight into maybe what i should do the kind of comedy I should do on screen. Which is? Like kind of just fucking deadpan, dead-eyed, just dead. Maybe I should be dead. Yeah, yeah. Scary stuff.

I got a big one here. It was good insight though. We got this two days before Christmas last year. Yes, yes. Starts with multiple exclamation points and it says my cut off PayPal message. So obviously this was one we started reading the PayPal cut it off and then here we are. Dear Tim Mann and Guy Burns. In a serendipitous turn of events, you shouted out both my hometown of Glasgow, Scotland

and my new home of Chicago, Illinois in a a recent Friendzone episode. Ah, yes, Chicago, the Glasgow of America. This has inspired me to hashtag pay the boys. I did some back-of-the-envelope calculations, and I reckon my contribution equates to around 15 cents per hour of your hard work. Like Guy... Fuck, that's a lot. I'm a real piece of shit. Unlike Guy, I'm entirely opposed to the ongoing novel coronavirus disease 2019 pandemic

I'm so glad we're getting a timely reminder of Guy Montgomery's politically incorrect stance of being pro-COVID Yeah You love the stuff No, no, no, that's totally wrong Sorry, I hate it, I think it's terrible

My sister moved from Glasgow to fuck, what an international family, Auckland earlier this year to work as a doctor. Ah, yes, Auckland. The Glasgow of the South Pacific. She's one of those people you locked away in a hotel for two weeks upon arrival. I've told her to ask every colleague she encounters

how many times their partners watch Grown Ups 2. If this number is promising, she'll proceed to ask how many said partners watch his 90s softcore pornography with a friend. friend hopefully we'll soon be two degrees of separation apart your podcast has been a regular source of comfort since i started listening last year it helped me through the most stressful stages of my phd and to intermittently disengage from the utter insanity of the world in many ways i think of you both as shamans peace and love and please read out my name Kieran Coley Lynch or Kyren Coley Lynch

I'm sorry but I didn't know how to pronounce it Is it Kyren do you think? I do I would like to say thank you for the message and I hope that we get to meet your sister right? Who's here?

In Auckland? My sister Kyren Isn't that in the message? My sister isn't well she's actually not here but she lives here She's not here right now I was talking to the message? Yeah, my sister's in... Well, she's actually not here, but she lives here. She's not here right now.

I was talking to the person who sent the message. She's in Tauranga. That's cool. Yeah, she's there for work. Okay. She's interviewing kiwifruit growers all around New Zealand. That's cool, man. It's an insane job.

Zoe used to work in the kiwifruit industry. They'd have a lot to talk about. They should catch up. So alongside... She worked like 65-hour weeks. But then because she was earning a bit of money and had nothing to spend it on because she was at work all the time,

she used it to go to Europe. That's great. That's really cool. Remember when you could do that? I've never been to Europe except for that one time we went to London. Hey, Tim. That was it.

Europe's closed. I don't think I will ever go. I think that's it now. Also, I tried to have a look for Ray's Naruto podcast and I can't find it in my emails I'm really sorry But I'm glad that we could provide a little ray of light On what was a really dark time

I'm sure for you and your family And For Kyron, man, I'm glad that All you peeps Got a bit of travelling while the getting was good. Because ding dong, the gates are closed. Because ding dong, the witch is dead. Witch, old witch.

We've been sent an image which is pretty steamy. Would you like to see it? Holy hell. Forbidden friend zone. What's not to like it's um so a pretty classical image of a mills and boone type couple on the front very heteronormative i might add but there is a uh muscle bound shirt opened man with blonde flowing hair who's um got one hand wrapped around a rope so maybe they're on a boat. In fact I can see waves in the background. They appear to be on the deck of a ship.

The face has been replaced with Guy Montgomery's mustachioed face and then I my face has been supplanted onto the maiden I guess you would say who's being clutched by the male and it says forbidden friend zone. This has been sent

to us by Clem Fandango. Yes, we can hear you. Tim and Guy, I recently messaged you on Patreon and mentioned the friend fiction I was writing. Thought I'd shoot over a copy of the first draft book cover. Any feedback you have would be great to have before I start shopping it out to publishers i'll be sure to send you a copy when it's complete or misregards alex alex uh sent a subsequent email two days

later as promised see the attached ebook careful it's pretty steamy and there is um it's called forbidden friend zone and there is an attached pdf So not only do we have the image, but apparently we might be dealing with an entire novel. Whoa, fucking strap in, let's sit back. Whoa, whoa, wee-woah, 348 pages. I'm sorry, what? Guys, grab my phone off of me. There's a lot of text on that file. What is happening here?

Can you just scroll into the middle and tell me what's there? Because we'll just see if it's like filler text in the middle. Don't go to the end though. Don't spoil the ending. Okay, so I'm on page 44 right now with the heading chapter 5. Okay. It's very quiet. The light is muted.

I'm comfortable and warm in this bed. Hmm, I open my eyes, and for a moment, I'm tranquil and serene enjoying the strange, unfamiliar surroundings. I have no idea where I am. The headboard behind me

is in the shape of a massive sun. It's oddly familiar. The room is large and airy and plushly furnished in browns and golden beige. I've seen it before. Where? My befuddled brain struggles

through its recent visual memories. Holy crap! I'm in the Heathman Hotel in a suite. I've stood in a room similar to this with Kate. This looks bigger. Oh, shit. I'm in Guy Montgomery's suite. How did I get here?

This is real. This is fucking real. I'm scrolling down and like... What page are you on now? 72. Like, all our names are peppered through this, and it's all, like... This is all legit.

All right, Alex, here's what's going to happen. Holy fuck, this is massive. This is 348 pages of, I'm guessing, erotic fiction. I think we should record this. Is it, like, a... The whole thing. Yeah, an audio book. if he took the time to write it the least we could do is take the time to read it into a microphone yeah it's i mean it's going

to be a big day's work we can do it separately this feels like a nighttime activity yeah yeah i'll just sit alone reading um page after page of this thing we could do like a chapter each yeah yeah but i mean this is is Alex's project, obviously. It's his copyright. It's his thing. What we'll do. I think it'd be fun. Yeah.

If we do it, we'll ask for permission to release it and we could put the whole. Oh, that might be nice, yes. The whole thing out. Yes. So intense. That might be really nice. I wonder if anyone would like to throw in

and do some audio design music. I was skimmering that. I've got no idea how erotic it gets. It might be filthy. Yeah, I'm just having a little scroll around. It looks pretty all good. They did warn that it was steamy. Yeah, I mean, it's like a Mills and Boone type romance novel.

Yes, Mr. Montgomery. This is 215 by the way page number 215 yes mr montgomery look after her she's a beautiful bright young woman guy is taken aback as am i i wonder whose perspective this is written from sounds like it's written from the perspective of clem fantango what an inappropriate thing for a doctor to say is she giving him some kind of not so subtle warning guy recovers himself i fully intend to he mutters bemused gazing at him i shrug embarrassed i'll send you my bill she says crisply as she shakes his hand good day and good luck to you tim she smiles her eyes crinkling as she does the way when we shake hands how about it? This is not quite in the same familiar.

This one says, My mum made me watch Home Alone 3 because it's better than the first one, so I'm now making her listen to the emergency season. Her fondness now also explains why Home Alone 3 was the only one we owned when I was a child and why I consequently watched it many times

before ever seeing the original. We'll return with updates and no doubt rebuttals from my mum to her Home Alone 3 criticisms. Micah. One day later. All she said about the podcast was, That was cute.

Which is a pretty good burn. That is. Yeah, that's a dramatic burn. Well, fuck us, I guess. Although we are cute, so we got that going for us. Do you like being described as cute yeah love it i'm opening up the patreon now good on you forget to read messages from it and alex has uh that's probably why it's hard to log in we've just sent an email to here can you please verify that

it's you just let me in let me in do you want to read another email while I'm... With pleasure. I gain ingress. This is from 2021. Catching up as we always do to the present day. Afternoon, fellas. For reasons I have just, on this date in 2021, completed listening to your show. That makes me three and a bit years late to this party, but here I am.

Season three is finished. The following sentiment has been expressed countless times around the friend zone, but I'm going to say it again. This is a bittersweet moment for me. I'm sad to be losing this for my life, but I'm happy for you guys that you won't be doing this to yourself for a fourth time.

Whoops. Your struggle is incredibly visceral at times, and I would genuinely worry for your mental health if you were to continue. I hope whatever you good boys, you brave boys, you cute boys have moved on to makes you happier. I also hope to find something at least as excellent

as this now defunct podcast to fill my time because I tell you, without the worst idea of all time, I can't imagine how 2021 could possibly have upped the magnificent year that was 2020. My love, you both. P.S. Say my name. Say my name if no one is around you. Say, baby, I love you if you ain't running game.

And that was from Liam. So thank you, Liam. Well, Liam, you're at the bottom of season three. Boy, do I have some good news for you. There's a wealth of content. We didn't go anywhere. We never left. What did Anna say?

Oh, that's a technical message. Love that. This one, though, is from Code Lima. You read me? Mm-hmm. Dear Batmobile and Guycycle. That's us. I have some incredible news to share regarding super secret joint venture,

Kellyanne. Oh, and then we've got a link to a YouTube video for additional details. But I believe we've found your way to get your first dollar sign T-bone. Anyway, love you both. Please say the fuck out of my name. Andrew, riches ain't shit wild. Well, look, that's Patreon shit. Yeah, yeah.

Extremely. It's a secret project that we've got going on on there. You know that Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are sparring at the moment? Like for the position? Or are they actually having an argument? They're throwing shade or something at each other about satellites. Good. Don't know what it means.

Whoever wins, we lose. It's like Predator versus Alien. A different Alex writes, Dear GNT, over the last month I've made my way through almost 100 hours of your 325 plus hour back catalogue. Fucking hell, dude. It's a lot in Tim and Guy out there on the internet eh? Huge amount. And I've

been having a wonderful time. So right off the bat let me just say thank you. You haven't got me through any tough times but you've made me a somewhat below average October more enjoyable. You have made a somewhat below average October more enjoyable. However I made a somewhat below average October more enjoyable. However, I have had a terrible thought.

Are you two genuine real life friends or is it just an act like Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters who famously hate each other outside the show? Is that fucking true? Didn't know that. Didn't know that at all. Interesting. I truly hope this is not the case

as it would undermine the steamy fanfic I've been writing. Oh, it's this? Okay, it's this, Alex. Maybe I'm better off not knowing. As they say, ignorance is bliss, but perhaps we'll find out in 225 bliss-filled hours from now on a friend zone if you still read out messages. Much love, Alex.

P.S. I've been enjoying the New Zealand edition of Taskmaster. I think you two will be perfect competitors on a future season it has been said i hope that happens um do you want to address the allegations that we are friends outside of this podcast uh the allegations are true we are friends we've actually um we've remained friends the whole time and uh i would say we've even streamlined our operation to try and... Because if you work together with someone for a long time, then the lines blur. And especially when your line of work is self-torture,

there can be a Pavlovian response to receiving correspondence from either party. Guy and I are so thirsty to hang out as friends. We always try and find opportunities. We went to we went to New Years a comedy show together

oh yeah we did last Thursday do you want to talk about that yeah sure we went and saw Russell Howard the wickedly talented

the one and only Russell Howard great things happening in New Zealand where because we're the only ones open really especially for you know

live performance all these international comedians and musicians are coming here. Yeah. So we got Russell Howe. We got Russell Howe. Bill Bailey's coming soon. He's charging like $90. Bill Bailey?

Yeah. It's too much, man. It's a lot of money. I feel like I bet Russell Howe's charging more. You reckon? $90. $90. I feel like I'd be at Russell House charging more.

You reckon? 90 bucks. Like, when Jimmy Carrel used to come here pre-pandemic, that'd be like 125 or something. Fuck me. Yeah. Anyway. We're going to start charging more.

Went to the show, had a great time. We drove to the show together, parked the car. Guy picked me up, treated me to the show. We parked the car. Before we watched the show, I will confess, we smoked a little weed. A little bit of weed. Not a lot of weed. Is that such a crime? Yes.

Unfortunately. Yeah, we got that one wrong. Anyway, we went to the show, had a fantastic time. It lasted, you know, including opener and break, two hours, two and a half hours. The show finished. You know, I was of a clear mind, confident that I could drive the car home. Went back down to where the car was parked. Could not for the life of me see the car.

Thought I was experiencing some sort of confusing optical illusion. Yeah, and because I've got a notoriously bad memory, I was like, fuck, did we park here? Did we park somewhere else? Looked at every possible spot where the car could have been parked it's like god damn maybe we were towed by the towing company even though it's outside of towing hours maybe you know we broke some rule didn't know about called up the towing company they said we do not have that car on our property a friend was and i was like well the car's been stolen then a friend who'd

also been at the show was walking down to their car ran into us and we were like oh man our car got stolen he's like oh that sucks at this point i was still utterly convinced it had been towed i just thought it was in transit and um anyway he was like well do you want a ride and i was like probably going to deal with the stolen car thing here first. And he's like, fair enough. And then I said to him, well, enjoy your car. He got back to his car. It had been broken into and they'd fucked his ignition barrel. And the car was immobile.

The car was immobile. And then I was like, well, it's definitely been stolen. So that's when I called the police. And I was like, I'd like to report a stolen car. And they were like, how do you know it's been stolen? And I told them what I just told you and they're like yeah your car's totally been stolen it's pretty stolen so then i told them about what we'd done and how the car was stolen not the weed but not the weed but no yeah and then um they said all right sucks to be you

sorry this happened peace out peace out no they first said, have you got any CCTV cameras there under the bridge? And I kind of thought the police knew where they all were. I thought they were there. Yeah, yeah. Because there's a sign right where a guy had parked the car under the bridge where it says CCTV cameras in operation. A great sign. But then we looked everywhere and there weren't any.

There were no CCTV cameras. And, yeah, they had no idea anyway anyway the car's been jacked if you see it here's something you don't even know the next morning I woke up to an email from the New Zealand police and a missed phone call at 3am

saying the car had been recovered in Papakura beautiful Papakura they hadn't found any suspects but I was going away the next day. So I was away for four days. I went and picked it up yesterday. The ignition barrel, 100% fucked.

They broke a back window. They left a mascara tool, like an eyelash tool, and some gloves in there. Slovenly. Slovenly. They took some of my clothes, but not all of my clothes. Insulting. Although the joke's on them, because the clothes they took actually i had in the car to take to the sally's oh true oh well that's just cutting out the middle man absolutely um and you can start the car with

a flathead screwdriver uh what most people don't know about a 1986 toyota corolla is well you start that bad boy up you couldn't originally but they've fucking smashed in the ignition bell and now you and now you can and honestly i don't know i hope they got wherever they needed to go but it was and remains a massive pain in the ass that is a lovely sentiment well i hope you guys got your needs met because this has been quite inconvenient for me the owner of the. I hope that how convenient this experience has been for you equals how fucking inconvenient... Actually, no, it's greater than how inconvenient it's been for me.

That's my hope. So what's the deal with the windscreen? Is it still... Like, it's just fucking gone. Oh, it's been smashed. But, so, there's a place called Spartan Toyota where they have... Spartan Toyota!

They have all sorts of... If your car's been broken into, we'll fix it for you. That's right. And they've got all sorts of spare odds and ends Toyota bits. And so I'm going to... I went in and they were like, okay, we'll have a look. They couldn't find anything.

Give us a call tomorrow, we'll let you know. So I'm going to call them back after this, find out if they've got a 1986 Toyota Corolla ignition barrel. If they do, well, you better believe I'm buying that, taking it to a mechanic's, they're going to put it in the car. If they don't, probably going to have to just take the car to a yard and sell it for bits. True, true, true.

Should I see if I can get my dad up? He'd be able to fix that if we could get the ignition. Oh, sweet, but no, we don't need to introduce other people's. Oh, come on, mate. No, we don't want to introduce other people's... Oh, come on, mate. No, we don't want to burden other people with this. Andy, I know you're listening. Is he? Guy needs a hand.

No, no, no, no. Mum and Dad listen in the car when they go over the hill. Really? Yep. No, that's so sweet, but no, no, no. Stay where you are. I'll figure it out. Anyway, all that to say that I've just got the Google up

for other guys from Mythbusters friends, and it says here, Jamie and I make no bones about the fact we're not friends, Savage told Business Insider recently. We don't get along very well together on a personal level. In 25 years we've known each other, we've never had dinner alone together. What the fuck?

Yeah. That is so weird. Why would you do the show? i mean money i guess but like fuck what's it all for it's 11 anywho great to be with you for this friend zone my friend i'm talking to the listener you are also my friend but i was trying to do that radio thing of like you talk to one person no i know i know the trick. You told me about it. Yeah. Well, I think that's probably enough. Absolutely.

Hope you're all doing well. Yeah, big time. Don't worry about me. Don't worry about Tim. We're both doing great. We're doing great. In fact, we're putting the wheels on our stream that we're doing in conjunction with Littlefield, the theatre in Brooklyn,

which is theatres the world over are trying to find innovative ways to survive, basically, because of the devastating effects of COVID. And part of that solution is doing some live streams. And we are proud to present, and just like that, is the name of the event. And it's Guy and I writing a pilot for the first episode of the new season of sex in the city that's been announced that is sans samantha jones 100 correct and um we're furnishing

the the cast with a panel of our fantastic friends uh it's going to be a really good time we've been hashing out some story beats god damn guys come up with some incredible incredible shit it's going to be um it's going to be interesting to see how all of these little disparate threads come together so that is happening on friday the 19th of february 3 p.m in new zealand which will be 9 p.m on thursday february 18 in new york city which will be 6 p.m in la and other times in other places i'm so sorry to the uk it's at like 3am but we're going to record it so like

you'll be able to get it there'll be a way it's quite cheap too right I think yeah it's a recommended donation of $8 but it's your call tickets are available

if you go to our Twitter twioatpod or our Facebook page we're sitting here all the time you'll find the ticket link on Eventbrite

we would love so much for you to join us it promises to be a um it'll be really fun a really fun time and i think we have i think i'm pretty sure we've got a very special guest who will be um hosting a moderator yeah for the q a session at the end i've heard tell of this as well yeah i just need to make sure we've got that person because i couldn't really believe that they would do it but they might and it is not

Sarah Jessica Parker cats out of the bag so yeah thank you for listening keep an eye out for that just a quick and final reminder stop moving the boom arm it's a very cheap one I love moving the boom arm

there's that overlooked and undercooked rob schneider thing last time i'll plug it but i we had a lot of fun and a lot of not fun doing that really frustrated oh we haven't talked much about it on this like so what that so that i mean you probably heard it because it's on this stream if you want to kind of recommend that for friends and they're too confronted with all the worst idea shit. Like, that's on its own podcast stream. So if you just looked for overlooked and undercooked, that is. It lives there. It's easy to find.

Wonderful self-contained product. And it features fantastic guests, including Daniel Sloss, Rose Matafao, Alice Sneddon, and Joseph Moore. So feel free to check that out. Otherwise, look after yourselves. Love you. Love you. If you're in New Zealand and you're listening to this,

I hope you're fucking scanning QR codes. What is he like? What am I like? You know what I'm like. Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. It's the friend zone. We're going to have a good time. It's the friend zone with tim and guy because making friends is the best idea of all time

friend zone