The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 141

Episode Date: January 22, 2022

Tim and Guy are exchanging compliments and working on how to receive them. It is a sincere start to an incredible, time jumping Friendzone that covers everything from the best value for money fast food, to an Italian person going for a run because of Guy's enthusiasm, and then blaming him for feeling poorly afterwards. People in Australia want to know whether or not we now give permission to watch Sex and The City, a Canadian is giving us money because we podcasted in a storm. Also there is still time to submit to be a part of Killionaire TV at worstideaofalltime.com/killionaire  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Hello, Tim. It's a scary face I made. We're on video chat. Do you know what I just found then? Because you were doing your face and I was trying to match it. Yours was better. It was scarier. It was more interesting.

It was funnier. I was jealous of the face you were doing. Wow. This is a huge, huge turning of the table. Because so many times in my life I look at Guy's face and I go, that is the funniest face I've ever seen. How are you going to make something nice and turn it into something mean, huh? I know, what am I like? It's terrible. How do you want to do your man dirty like that?

I'm a New Zealander, I've got an aversion to reckoning with positivity yeah and real feelings should we practice that should we give each other a compliment and practice accepting the compliment it doesn't feel like a very funny thing to do on a podcast but does it feel like does it tim does it feel like a friendly thing to do it It does. Really does. Yeah. Guy? Well, this is going to sound shallow, but here's, can I go, first thing that came to my head,

love your style, love your fashion sense, love what you wear. It's really cool. Thank you, Tim. I appreciate that. Love your clothes. Tim, look at me You're a fantastic dad Oh thanks Guy It's my pleasure

Now I feel bad for the one I said No There's no feeling bad This is just an exchanging of positivity It's a great place to start We're practicing Accepting our compliments. Sick.

How are you? Now, you're good. I'm good. I'm a bit tired, but I'm good. What has made you tired? Went to bed at about a little time that I like to call one in the morning. Oh. And then was awoken at about seven

and Zoe had sort of been up all night tending to the lad. So I grabbed him and the dog and we went out for about three hours. And it was a very early start to the day. All of that sounds like fantastic grounds for exhaustion. Sometimes it's nice to be tired, you know? It's fun.

It's good. I am inclined to agree. I only really enjoy being tired when I either have nothing on or know to the minute the next opportunity I will have to be asleep. I do not enjoy functioning while tired. I didn't have very much to, I had, do you know what I had today to eat until about 4pm? You're describing a nightmare. One almond croissant, which I got on the walk.

From Cazador? Cazador. Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, I know it. So that does elevate things slightly because I still believe that is the best almond croissant in Auckland. Yeah, I've really come around to that as well because, first of all, that's a very specific thing to have a number one for but i suspect you're correct and i just used to wolf those things that you would buy one for each of us and i'll just be like great something to eat so i won't be hungry but um i'm trying to be a little bit more uh mindful with the food and those things rock they're so good guy i trained myself for ages for years as a um poor not poor but broke

comedian yeah um what is the most calories i can get for the least amount of money because i just genuinely give very little shit about food i believe there's probably people there's probably people listening right now who could use this information so in your years of of hard-won research what can you share without question if you don't have uh dietary requirements like vegetarianism veganism whatsoever it's mcdonald's every single time especially if you have the mcdonald's app the mcdonald's app opens up a world of economic prosperity to you uh heretofore unseen unmentioned it's been it's insane so if you crack it with one

of their deals like because they they'll do little windows like lunchtime deals they're bonkers cut two big macs for like 550 sometimes you know sometimes. Do you know what I love about you, Tim? You're an incredibly sound, forward-thinking, progressive guy, but you have this huge soft spot on your underbelly for McDonald's. You've got across the entire spectrum of the company, from the customer experience, from the economic value, to the internal functioning of the business. It started with burgers, but then you think about McDonald's and you're like, this thing is more powerful than most countries. More people are employed in New Zealand by by mcdonald's than all

of the armed forces put together if ronald wanted to take new zealand there's a very good chance he could pull it off i love that this is fantastic and that's fascinating that is the fact that they've existed for so long in a pretty stable way, you know, just all over the world with a consistency of product. They're not good guys. Anyone who's sort of fairly directly contributing to, you know, climate change and carbon in the atmosphere and the way that they are by selling their burgers is bad. I assume, especially in the States,

a lot of their worker practices are probably pretty bad, and I also assume they're union busters. I don't know that for a fact, but, you know. Anyway, that's McDonald's. That's great. How are you doing? I'm good, man. What's your favorite fast food restaurant, Guy?

You know, in New Zealand, as it stands, it would be Burger King. It is tough to be backing Burger King at the moment, mate. It's not. Again, it depends on what angle you're coming from,

but I love their Rebel BK chicken. I think as far as meat replicas go, that is a burger that is pretty much, to my knowledge and memory, 99% accurate as a representation of a chicken burger uh and then i've got a soft spot for them because when ken and i drove from new york to los angeles we found that the roadside dining options available in america were very grim a lot of the towns that we passed through uh and it's very difficult to to do large chunks of that drive um off of like the freeways

and all the you know the main arteries that they've spent a huge amount of time and resource carving through and around towns and so a lot of these small towns all the mom and pop like diners and all the places that you imagine yourself pulling in to grab a cup of coffee and a cheap, you know, eggs. Some eggs. Yeah. They've all been just completely blown out of the water and it's just chains as far as the eye can see. That's so sad because that romantic vision of, you know.

It's grim. It's sort of like, you know. Going to all those diners. It's like strip mall culture stretched across the entirety of the country. And it has gutted certainly some of the essence. And this is, you know, this is a glimpse of someone who drove across the country in like three, you know, 24 days or something. So I don't know a damn thing. But Burger King was offering the Rebel Whopper and we put a lot of those

away. We put a lot of those burgers away. Was that out? Was the vegan BK chicken burger out in America? Not the chicken, just the Whopper. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But still the vegan version of it. It was veggie. I think you could get it vegan if you got rid of the

mayonnaise and the cheese, but then you're eating a pretty dry thing. Yeah, that's a tough sell. And, you know, that stayed with me. And it's a difficult one to be backing in New Zealand, especially in Auckland, because there's like two. You're a sports fan, though. There's two I can think of.

They're a real underdog team in New Zealand. KFC seems to be doing everything it can to throw away its natural cultural lead that it has here new zealand has an incredible soft spot for kfc but it is the most inconsistent fast food restaurant i hear this i keep hearing this it is like you roll the dice every order at every location. It's insane. There are KFC locations in Auckland. There's one on Ponsonby Road.

This is some upmarket real estate, an expensive shop, and they still do not have their shit together, consistently giving out completely different orders from what you've paid for. There's almost something admirable In how mercurial the entire franchise is It's dogged Across every single station

It's just wild And the one that's close to me That's famously the worst one It's terrible I heard or saw Angela Dravid and David Correos talking about how that is like, one of them went there and the other one was like, what are you doing? Any self-respecting person just cannot get KFC from there because it just sullies the franchise.

Anyhow, we could sit here and shoot. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. I've got one more thing to say about that. Because, guy, this is kind of exciting. KFC has started doing vegan chicken, I think, in New Zealand. But there's a guy, and I've forgotten his name, but he's super-duper famous.

He's like a huge internet personality. A Kiwi. Pretty, no, no, no, an American guy who reviews fast food incredibly passionately um uh and he he tried it on his youtube channel and uh it was no bueno unfortunately and the suspicion in the comment section was that because it is um you know made from plants rather than chicken meat chicken meat if you have it at a high temperature i think it's like you know whatever they they fry it and it's like 250 degrees c or something if you overcook

it the chicken will dry out because it's got so much moisture in it but if you do that to this um plant-based chicken replica material it turns to concrete like the guy the guy couldn't bite through the nugget with his own teeth well you know i'm still gonna try that yeah yeah room for improvement hopefully they took that on board it's uh yeah i think they will i genuinely think they will i think they'll adjust the the cooking temperatures they've got a lot on the line here because they've introduced it globally yeah i hope you're right i'm still uh i'm still a huge believer in the, it's not chicken, but Beyond. The Beyond beef patties.

The Impossible Whopper is what I was eating at Burger King, and it was the best thing on hand at the time. But Impossible, I don't think, holds a candle, at least my most recent eating experiences. The texture, the mouthfeel, the taste of the beyond patty is um as far you know like if we're talking meat replicas whatever they're serving up at bk and that chicken burger a plus and the beyond beef patties are also um that's where it's at for me gee whiz we really got into that and that's that all started with us just giving each other a

couple of compliments nice to see you why don't you dig back into the past why don't you take me to roughly august 2021 tell me what life was like back then august 7th uh someone got in touch who is a friend of both of ours they haven't specified if we can put their name on the pod but um their initials are s. Oh, wait. It doesn't make any sense. I'll tell you who it is later. I'll forward you the email. It's very short.

It simply says, did you ever lift the stain from Sophie and Fergus's carpet? Love, SB. I'm forwarding you the email now so you can see who that's from. So that was season one, I think, when we were on a trip in Wellington. Comedy Festival. Early days. Early doors. And you spilt

red wine in the middle of our watch, I think. Do you know what the thing is? I didn't. Go on. No, you didn't. And I don't know Go on. I didn't. Did I? No, you didn't. And I don't know that it was during our watch. I remember that our watch and our record was centered around a stain. And, you know, someone might be able to correct me.

I won't be telling porkies. This might be a revisionist history. But a friend had come over the night before. We'd had some drinks, a mutual friend of Fergus and mine. So Fergus is an old friend and Sophie is a newer friend, but also now an old friend and they're married.

And we went to their apartment and a glass of red wine was knocked across the carpet. And because I was responsible for inviting the person who knocked the red wine across the carpet, even though that person knew Fergus, I assumed or was pinned with responsibility. And the stain became my responsibility because I was the house guest who had enabled someone to come and spill the red wine.

I see. but I think it's a it's a morally murky area where I do think I'm somewhat culpable but it was not by my hand and the guy could have put his head the guy him and Fergus

they're closer than you know they go golfing together now and I the hallmark of a tight relationship that's right only the closest of friends can play golf together, famously.

I think it was right for you to claim responsibility of it, though. It's just something about the math of it that, for me, it lands at your feet as the house guest at the time. Well, it's a great question. Well, yes. Did we get it out? Did you get it out? Nope.

It was never fully removed. Did my best. Didn't come out. It was never fully removed. Did my best. Didn't come out. It was a rental. They were upset. They had to rejig the feng shui of the room. And, you know, I think they got away with it. I think I got away with it.

It's in the past. Good on you, Monty. And now let's get in a time machine and go back from August 7th, 2021 to the modern day. Well, don't flatter us too much because I'm in our Facebook and it's not the modern day, but it certainly is November, late November. Tell you what, it's November. Yeah, and it's a friend of the podcast who has not used their name. Late November Tell you what It's November Yeah And it's a friend of the podcast

Who has not used their name But their initials are See if you can get it Just for yourself B-E B-E Do I know Do you think I know this person?

Not I reckon I know who that is Not intimately But you know them We've met them We've spent time Listening to the wonderful and informative Commentary for On Her Majesty's Secret

Service and I felt compelled To send you boys a donation After hearing the storm raging In the background as you recorded Outside. You fine frosty fellas Suffer for your art and deserve some financial Compensation. I hope Cubby and Peter Hunt

and a sleepy George were able to stay relatively dry that's lovely thank you person who I suspect is Brian now I've dipped into Patreon how about that how about it

we really should be prioritizing these patreon messages because they are from um fiscal supporters of ours and as we all know we live in a capitalist society which means if you give money to someone they owe you a debt absolutely and it's important to state that that obviously globally we all currently live in a capitalist society, but the worst idea of all time, even if the world moves past capitalism to a more refined economic system, we will remain staunchly a capitalist society. There is two messages here, and one is dated the 30th of January 2021, which I believe I may have read. The second is dated the 7th of September, so I shall read them chronologically for you now. Ciao to my frostiest fellas. I've recently joined your Patreon and thought I would give... I'm just going to move this window guys so I can read it a bit easier.

Now I can't see you, but you don't have to deal with that. A little shout out to you both. Currently I'm living in Italy and I've been listening to your show throughout our various lockdown and quarantine measures. This week, we finally entered orange zone again, which gives us a little bit more freedom to move about and exercise outside.

Guy seems so enthusiastic about running. I thought I would give it a go again. I was a cross-country runner my freshman year of high school, although that was about 18 years ago. Christ. It's been a long time since I got outside. I was, uh, long time since I got outside. I was eager for it. Did a nice stretch, then headed out.

Needless to say, I just got home for a short jaunt where i made decent time and comfortable strides and was feeling proud of myself so uh so proud my husband poured me a little victory champagne but i can't stop coughing my nose is running and my chest feels like shit jesus what has happened to me i thought this was going to be fun. Guy made it seem like the greatest thing in the world and I just can't stop coughing. Are my lungs allergic to wear from being in quarantine so long? I'll give it a go again tomorrow, but I can't help but feel this is all Guy's fault. Therefore, I no longer pity your anguish, except for Tim, who was a baby angel and did not lie to me but guy i hate to tell you until my lungs repair you remain cancelled if this wicked odd message happens to make it on the

potty say my name and say it loud chris well i'd like to say to chris congratulations um because that was all vaguely familiar to me and then when you started cussing me out, I remembered. And I remember the message, and I remember you. And guess what, dude? I'm sorry that you felt a bit poorly after your run, but it's not my fucking problem, man. All right, well, should I get to the coda, which was written nine months, a full gestation period of a human.

Oh. To you. Yeah, okay. I apologize. I didn't realize that it was from the same person. I don't know what has happened in the nine months. Chris writes again. Ciao

to my frostiest fellas. I'm writing to retract a previous statement of my cancelling guy after giving running a try only to have it destroy me. Although running still isn't my favorite form of exercise compared to the cooler and actual fun activities such as biking, hiking, swimming, and otherings. I do reckon Guy's just looking after my heart and maybe I was too harsh on him after my initial bad run-in pun intended. Unintended. Anyway, my continued change of heart occurred when I recently gotten very into watching Guy Montgomery's Guy Mont... Spelling Bee!

While I have been working on sewing a wicked bitchin' jacket. Like most of your multilinguistic guests, I do not have the best relationship with English spelling, but it has been nice to hear new words and all of the good vibes all around. I found myself not so shocked by Tim's naughty, naughty behavior. Although I think it's okay to cheat. I do think that he should just lean into being the bad boy of the duo. So I give the guy Montgomery with his small thumb piano of the title of

podcast, little angel and Tim bat possible rename with his giant knife title of podcast Little Devil. Two gents hovering over my shoulders by way of headphones infiltrating my brain with their wild Kiwi antics. Anyway, more people should definitely be giving you money. Big love to you both.

Chris. What a journey. Wow. Wasn't it? And that, in a way, is the beauty of time travel and our filing system it's not all bad you don't get that when you're

up to speed you go so you go so bad you go around that full circle and you're back into Goodville ain't that the truth

it's an honour to be in Goodville Goodville North Carolina okay population Guy Montgomery Little Angel an honor to be in goodville goodville north carolina okay population guy montgomery uh little angel and tim bat little devil okay well my little devil are you ready to be uh ensconced in december 2021 this is being written from uh Illinois, so we can imagine that the weather is cold,

the days are getting shorter, perhaps they're wrapped in a woolen scarf near a crackling fire, as they write. I'm not sure if this will make it to the friend zone, but I'm vaguely aware that Facebook, this is the quicker way to do this. I want to start off by saying that it is now looking like I'll actually graduate on time. And I can say with absolute certainty that I owe a large part of my degree in mechanical engineering to you, frosty fellas.

Mechanical engineering? That's cool. Yeah. I don't think I could have done it without the company you all provided me. Also, in fall 2020, which I would consider a low ebb for me, Yule's project inspired me to do something in a similar vein. Sometimes I like listening to bad music while studying because it makes me focus on my work.

So one day, while studying for a linear algebra exam, I decided to listen to the entire discography of the rapper Pitbull straight through. of the rapper Pitbull straight through. Now, it turns out this dude has 15 or so albums. Mr. Worldwide himself. Worldwide, you've got to imagine, was in his bag of names he was trying out. Now, it turns out this dude has 15 or so albums that are an hour or so each.

So I had to split it across two days. Even then, those are hefty days. So I set it up where I got through most of the albums the first day. And the next day, I had Pitbull's 11th album as an alarm. I almost turned it off immediately but I didn't and I can say waking up to pitbull was one of the top five most depressed I've ever felt but to the horror of my friends I finished the endeavor anyways just wanted to thank you guys again for how much you all have saved my sanity for these last few years if this does make it to the friend zone, feel free to say my name, Dex.

Now, there's a postscript, but before that, I just want to say it's flattering for you to think we saved your sanity, but I would say even if we were tangentially related to your decision to listen to nothing but Pitbull albums against you know your natural taste for two days in a row that we would be um perhaps pushing pushing the envelope of your sanity i think that that sounds like we're contributing to some pretty questionable decisions and as the little devil of the podcast i'd'd just like to say, great to be here pushing those limits on your brain.

Yeah. Imagine listening to 15 hours of Pitbull just over a two-day period. Can you name for me three Pitbull songs? No. No, I can't. I can't. Can you? I can't think of a single one.

No, I can't. I can't. I can't. Can you? I can't think of a single one. He wrote one of the Football World Cup songs. Pitbull. I'm just going to get them up and see if you can recognize them just by name.

Give Me Everything, Feats Neo, Time of Our Lives, Timber. Feel this. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Was Timber with Casher? Yeah. Yeah, I knew that one because I do like Casher. Yeah, don't. The thing is you'd recognize all of them. God, he's awesome.

Well, no, I don't think I would. I think I just recognized the casual um i'm just gonna the the there's a load of laundry that's just done and the machine just keeps going ballistic till you turn it off so i've just got to quickly um i genuinely thought that was at my house well i'm gonna read a piece of mail just for me that guy will never hear while he tends to this i hate that do you okay i cannot it. Ah, troublingly, this is a short one. So, dear Libertarian listener, it's just you and me now. Guy's gone. So I'm going to read a message from another person from our Patreon.

This message was sent on the 13th of September, 2021. The message says, short one. Oh, no, I can see Guy coming back. He hasn't missed it. Guy. As you were. You've missed nothing. If you've ever wondered how other people react to the same style of content you make, the YouTuber Quinton Reviews

just got done doing a combined 8 hour video essay of him watching the entirety of the Nickelodeon show iCarly and just signed himself on to watch the entire run of three other related Nickelodeon sitcoms, please send that boy some encouragement. An eight-hour video essay on iCarly. Wow.

You're getting it up. I'm going to see. Yeah, you better believe it. I just kind of want to see what sort of numbers this person's doing. Wow, 613,000 subscribers. You know who doesn't have that? Us.

Us. The failure of Victorious is one I've got in front of me. It's got 3.3 million watches on a video that is uh five and a half hours long i'm seeing a lot of clips which i guess they let you do on youtube because it's review. Interesting. Anyway.

I love that. Quinton Reviews, I know that you're listening to the podcast. You don't need anything from us. It sounds like you got over 600,000 people encouraging you. Hey, why not? Spread the love. This one comes from James in Dayalesford, Victoria, Australia. Jimmy.

15th of December, 2021. Hey, boys, just wanted to check something. Does the order still stand to do not watch Sex and the City? Because your promo for and just like that makes me want to watch it. I request clarification. Thanks in advance. Give out the excellent work. And please know that deep in my heart cracks hard a boner for you both name and shame so sweet james ryan uh it's a great question and sweet jimmy ryan i mean that was asked

before we'd even started the watch along season but we're we're deep in that in the belly of the beast now sweet bonerific jimmy ryan here's what i have to say to you not only should you be watching and just like that along with us uh preferably as close to when the episodes come out you know as you can because we try to get those eps out somewhat quickly after they land via satellite um it's not by satellite no one uses satellites for anything these days i wonder aloud to myself if it's worth watching the first two movies at this point in time no i wouldn't but is i i think not i If possible, I would never watch them. Okay. I don't even think you need to have watched them, Fran,

just like that to function as a series. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You don't. I think there's enough sex in the city chatter generally in the zeitgeist just being a human being walking the plane of existence we all share that you'll have enough knowledge by osmosis to to get it that being said we haven't watched the tv show so maybe there are layers of meaning that we're missing out on which i know is is a concept that we did reckon with a few times out loud while watching the two movies.

Yeah, we're always doing our reckons. We sure are. Do you want to round us out, Tim? Do you want to shut this thing down with a piece of correspondence from whenever? September 13th, again. Popular day for us in 2021, which is interesting because then there isn't another message in here for five weeks. This is another Patreon supporter.

Patreon.com slash TWIOAT, by the way. So this comes to us from Leland Mitchell Farmer. Oh, sorry, Leland. Leland. Okay. How dare you. I scrolled to the bottom and they they phonetically wrote it out yeah yes legal name okay my dearest tim and most darling guy hello again i wrote to you frosty

fellas 10 months ago on facebook and was featured on episode 113 slash 111.5 as the second trans person y'all introduced to the budding McElroy brothers on the episode Tim told me and me alone to have a great fucking year and my boys I did not only did I legally change my name but I also got top surgery as of September the 8th 2021 has not been a great year for people in general but for me this has been a year of growth of laughing along with you all about terrible self-called porn and relying on my friends to give me the support i need and i'm hoping to turn the support around by subscribing to your patreon i don't have much more to say other than to thank you boys for the quality content i hope the rest of your year goes well for you both and i hope you two have a great fucking 2022. Say my fully legal name.

Leland Mitchell Farmer. He, him pronouns. Leland Mitchell Farmer. I can see why you made a point of us pronouncing that correctly. Congrats you fucking-lations. I'm very pleased for you, for your wonderful year. I note that that was written september 13 when we were in still in the opening throws of what turned out to be a four-month

lockdown in auckland so as uh you know as the pendulum swings we were at opposite ends but fucking hats off to you and i've got a really good feeling about 2022 there's a lot to look forward to across the spectrum namely very shortly killian air tv will be making its debut this feels dirty even though it's like totally our product it feels like you've you've turned a message um into someone who's reached out to us into an ad yeah guess what i don't have any money the whole thing's an ad uh no i mean i i i am i am truly no you're from the bottom of my heart i'm happy i'm happy but yeah i'm i'm i'm really i realize that we're it's time to to say see you later and before i do i want to say this you can still put submissions in at worst area of alltime.com if you have an idea for how to fundraise,

how to make a billionaire a trillionaire, and then how to eliminate that person. Please get them in. The quality of the submissions so far has truly blown us away. Tim and I are reading every other one so that both of us will get to be surprised when we actually make the show. We've split the entries

into half. I can only speak to half of what I've seen but my god it's outstanding. We have more submissions than we do space so preemptively I'd like to apologise to anyone who's taken the time for their suggestion

Well yeah I don't know maybe we find another recording. I don't know. We need to figure out. The sky's the limit, but thank you to everyone who has, and if anyone would like to, there is still time. And yeah, you guys are, it comes as no surprise to either of us, but you are some seriously

funny motherfuckers. Yeah, Leland, put your name forward. I'd love to hear a plan from you. Worstideaofalltime.com slash Kelly and Ea. The link is in the show notes. But for the majority of you, this is going to be a real fun and something to look forward to.

I think the way that it will most likely roll out is in recognition of our Patreon supporters who provide the resources for us to do what we fucking do. You guys will probably get the video version and we will chuck the full audio version of the episodes on the free stream so everyone gets a version of it. But man, I am really, I'm looking forward to this little contest. And if any lawyers are listening.

It's a joke. Any little Amazon working legal team, legal eagles, it's a joke. We're comedians. It's a bit of comedy. You can't sue a joke. The whole podcast is a joke. This whole. It's all a joke.

Our lives. Check what category we're in on iTunes podcasts. Yeah. I genuinely don't know, but I'm joke. Our lives. Check what category we're in on iTunes podcasts. Yeah. I genuinely don't know, but I'm assuming. Journalism. Thank you so much for listening. You can reach out to us on Twitter, Instagram, at twioatpod,

on Facebook, the worst idea of all time, on our Patreon. You could send us a, you know, you could send a letter out into the world and one day one of us might read it. I'm just saying, anything's possible. In the friend zone, you're always home. In the friend zone, you're not alone. Anytime with Tim and Guy.