The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 146

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

The Frosty Fellaz are in a baby's room and would like to talk to you about Tim's dog Rufus who is struggling with the stairs. Speaking of Tim, he has mistaken a different tall white man for Guy Montgomery. We've got correspondence regarding George Lazenby, Killionaire, the Aunty Donna Podcast and intimate details of your life.TWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website / Patreon GUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website TIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Baby, I'm a little baby, baby. We're in a baby's room. Yep, yeah we are. That much we know. I'm a little baby, baby. We're in a baby's room. Yep. Yeah, we are. That much we know. The brand new room of one Remy Bat. You got it.

And a brand new, well, to you, house in an Auckland suburb. It's a rental. Yeah. It's a rental. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the Friend Zone. Hi, Tim. Thanks for having me. It's a rental Yeah It's a rental Hi everybody Welcome to the friend zone Hi Tim Thanks for having me It's been a second

We're in the baby's room With the baby Yeah and the baby's just done a little sneeze Rufus is here He's taking the felt off a tennis ball Yeah he eats that And then you can see all the green in his shit Yeah nice

Horrifying stuff We've got Tim He's in a recliner Sitting on a very comfortable chair This is a rocking chair and then you can see all the green and it's shit. Yeah, nice. Horrifying stuff. We've got Tim. He's in a recliner sitting on a very comfortable chair. This is a rocking chair. Oh, wow. So we can read books to it. We didn't even know, but yesterday Zoe was like, do you know this is a rocking chair?

Well. How good is that? Any chair is a rocking chair if you force it, Tim. Guy just tried to kick back on his chair and it didn't give, so it immediately undercut the mantra that he was trying to establish as sometimes happens in this crazy little game of life

we play it's been a minute so talk to me brother how the bloody hell are you irrelevant because we're here to talk about the aftermath of you watching Sex and the City 2 twice with COVID solo, bro. Yeah.

So, look, I did it. In the heat of the event itself were pretty dark on me in the decisions I had made to put you in that spot, which was fair. Yeah. I'll take my beans. Look, man. But how do you feel now about us and our relationship? Look, it's fine. It's like every relationship goes through ups and downs.

And like you say, you took your beans and I had to take mine. Yeah. We were in competition and you did, you know know what was right for you at the time and all that that was totally fair and valid within the the confines of the way we're competing and you know my punishment was a long time coming but i um do you agree that it was the funniest thing to do yeah yeah yeah i comedically you couldn't that's what's important you couldn't have done a better thing um and so how do i feel now it's honestly it's it's two weeks since the event and so time heals all wounds um i've recovered from COVID. I've recovered from watching Sex and the City 2 twice.

I can't say the number of times I've, like, exhaled of being glad to be rid of the movie and thought, never again. But it must be over six now. Wow. And I just don't think I could handle that again. Like, I do think, think you know there are always instances or reasons where we might need to revisit something um but that has to be a pretty hefty well we are watching grown-ups too soon yeah yeah but that's fine that to me feels like a holiday watching it

once with a friend we're watching grown-ups too soon everybody again um after i i keep promising to never watch it again and then there's a reason, but we're going to do a I think it's okay to announce a crossover episode with, Remy's just playing with the mic cable now so you might pick a bit of that up with Plumbing the Death Star those funny lads

Remy's grabbing the mic, this is cute, what do you want to say bud? You want to talk to the podcast listeners? I'm clearing the floor. I'm ready, Remy. Getting some very cute little baby noises here. Nah, he's a big gun show. It's mostly a sort of physical comic.

That's cool. You'll grow out of that, mate. We all do. Yeah, well, you watched Grumps 2 semi recently. Yeah, I did. So how was that? Like, fine. Oh, because we won't even get to watch it together, eh?

Because that'd be fun. Well, it's a scheduling thing. It comes with a place scheduling. Yeah, a bit of admin. Logistics. Listen, man. Grown Ups 2 ain't shit. Yeah.

Sex and the City 2? That's nightmare fuel. Yes. The prospect of watching that once by myself is scary to me. But grown-ups too, a walk in the familiar park. What's it called? A jaunt down memory lane. A dolly.

Yeah. A layup. Is that? Yeah. Am I? Yeah. It's March Madness, right? Yeah, yeah.

It is March Madness, Tim. That's right. College basketball. It's gone Madness, right? Yeah, yeah, it is March Madness, Tim. That's right. College basketball. It's gone off. I haven't been following it, but I knew there was a huge upset in the first round. Have you got an NBA pass? A streaming pass?

What do they call it? NBA League pass. I used to. I don't this year. There's too many regular season games in the NBA. It's like rugby here in New Zealand. It's too much. Everyone gets upset about a few games being cancelled

because of COVID. I'm like, I'm pretty sure the rugby season is like 11 months of the year now. No one goes anymore. It's kind of hard to get disappointed about. ABs. A game or two going away. But look, let's take stock.

You've moved house. Yeah, let's keep talking about provincial rugby. I've had him recovered from COVID. Remy is in fine fettle. He's a chubster. He's healthy. Smster, he's healthy Smiling baby Rufus is

The same old self, he's very Noisy on arrival and then Comes right down and just wants you to play ball with him For the first time ever we're living In a two story house There's a whole other level on this thing And because the stairs are quite They're steep vertically but

shallow you know stepwise horizontally uh and they're polished wood and rufus can get up the stairs but he has found out he cannot unaided get down the stairs does that impact his uh enthusiasm for traveling up the stairs no it does not do you think he knows this well we keep carrying him down. So to be fair, you know, he's just seeing a pattern where he gets to run up and then someone carries him down eventually. And will you carry that on? No, sir.

No, I'll be getting something called non-slip tape, I think it is. Like sandpaper? Sandpaper tape. So you put it on the stairs for Rufus? Give him some traction, yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I feel like I'd you put on the stairs for Rufus. Give him some traction, yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I feel like I'd just be like, sorry, Rufus. You just get downstairs.

Wow. No. Not how this dog operates, unfortunately. Oh, you don't think he'd take that? Well, in this family, he's setting decisions. Oh, have you got something to say? He's a fuller member of the family than some other dogs and other families. Let me put it that way.

Man, I'm just looking at the scene here. I'm sitting in what is a literal nursery, and you've got a beautiful baby. Oh, nice. That's fake. You can tell that's a fake one. We've got a dog. We've got a baby

We've got a rocking chair There's a changing station There's this little mattress there I mean to think all these years ago Rat faced Stoned up to our gills You know kicking ideas around The amount of life we've traversed since then

It's kind of Everybody has kids guy Even spiders and ants well i mean it's i feel like it's this is probably speciesist of me but i feel like it's less of a commitment for them yeah i think that's true i feel like it's crazy how we do it especially in like predominantly caucasian cultures how it's like you'd have your little family and you silo yourself off from your community somewhat. And like, you know, like you need everyone.

It's all hands in. It makes life so much better and easier. Do you know what I think? I think it takes a village really to raise a child. If that was true, there'd probably be an idiom about it. So instead of having an idiom, why don't I call you an idiot? Because it's not the case. I'm starting it. I'm kicking it off. How do do you think idiom starts someone's got to kick it off

yeah but it has to speak to something that everyone can relate to to really catch fire it takes a village to raise a child timbat 2022 okay copyright i'll be shocked if anyone else is saying this but fill your boots mate i think that's a swing and a miss from you. You'll see it heaps, and it'll be because I kicked it off. Yeah. That's what's happened here. Why don't we, you and I, that is, or maybe just me, because your hands are both occupied.

I can do anything. Instead of relying on our own tiny, shitty little brains, why don't we turn to the great people of the world that is what these friend zones are a kind of like an internet an interconnected network of people sharing creativity now you'll like this Tim

this is from an Auckland based listener and it was sent on the 5th of February 2022 and it just reads as follows hey tim and guy just saw the impromptu show at whammy bar this is a show that tim put on a stand-up show he put on just over a month ago just got a promotion and started feeling good financially and was able to start supporting some local artists thought it was awesome i just hope to be able to see more live stuff tim thinks tall white people look the same and mistook me for Guy. Anyway, love you guys.

Say my name. Wait, I mistook this person for Guy? Yep. Wow. I don't remember that. William Dyer. What a crazy thing for me to do and then forget to have done.

I'm looking at a photo of this guy and he's handsome, but he ain't me, babe. He's not you. No, no, no. Quite different hair, babe. He's not you. No, no, no. Quite different here, babe. He ain't me. There's hats.

There's things people wear that obscure there. No, I was going to say you've got similar cheek bone structure. Oh, wow. That's a compliment to both of us. Claire says, please save George Lazenby. And Guy, I hasten to add that this was sent to us on 9921. Hi, and that means that that date, the way I've read it, is applicable for audiences in America and everywhere else

where we sanely put the date first and the month second. It doesn't. Guys, we love you. It doesn't work. Your date formatting doesn't work properly. There's so many little things like that. Why would you go month first? Okay, so here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go month first, and then you're going to drill down into the date, but then we're going to go backwards really quickly. We're going to take a really wide view. To get the year. Yeah. You're fucking crazy. Yeah. Go small to big.

Date, month, year. Absolutely. It's the reason everyone does it that way. But I've got to say, thinking about it now, Tim. Yeah. Look at a clock. Read the time. Big little.

That's fine, though. At least we're going in a direction. We don't go like hours, seconds, minutes. Yeah. Really good comeback. God, it's nice to talk. Okay. Claire says, dear Tim McGype

Get to the fucking back of the line, Claire Tim just had a turn This person says, hey Frosty fellas Okay I'm a recent fan What's happened here? Well, we're going one, one, one, one I thought you just read one

Where I mistook a person for you Oh, did we just get bogged down in that date conversation You didn't even read the correspondence I thought you just read one where I mistook a person for you. Oh, did we just get bogged down in that date conversation? You didn't even read the correspondence. Oh, apologies to Claire. Sorry to Claire. I'm not sorry to you, Tim. You took this huge flight of fancy.

I got confused. Tim McGuy, I write to you in times of great stress, and I'm afraid you are the only man who can help. My name is Ms. Claire Wakenmoth, soon to be Mrs. Lazenby. And my fiance, George, has been missing for weeks now. Oh my God, I like this. I have recently heard that George has been stalking around your podcast, trying to listen in on some good smut. This doesn't surprise me, but it does worry me dearly.

You see, this whole mess started when George discovered the concept of podcasting and decided it was an ideal medium to continue his Bond legacy, stating, quote, my voice has an age today, end quote. And if he named them podcast movies, he'd, quote, no longer be called the one film Bond.

George got the ball rolling on this project And with a connection from his Emmanuel days Got a sponsorship with Blue Chew A product I can only describe as Boner inducing bubble gum George bravely insisted on the product On trying the product before he advertised it But foolishly stated

You know what they say, the average Bond is 007 Times the average man George then proceeded to chomp down 007 times the recommended D. George then proceeded to chomp down 007 times the recommended dose. The result was a man with a jaw so weak from chewing, his ability to listen improved vastly. Kind of like Daredevil, but not blind. And an insatiably massive bright blue erection.

The last thing George slurred before leaving was, I need to talk smut at altitude. I can now only assume he booked the longest flight he could and ended up in New Zealand, which leads us to where we are today. The doctor has advised me that if George were to ejaculate in his current state with an erection that blue, seriously, have you seen it? He would almost certainly fatally dehydrate his entire body oh my god no one wants that happening on your humble in your humble podcast studio i beg of you to stop

your quest of pitching him the perfect porno instead tell him soothing stories of cold showers and other erection calming topics for it may be his only hope I'm sure you boys will do the right thing. You may say my name, Claire Wakenmoth. P.S. Always a P.S. Yeah. The doctor said George should calm down in a couple of months, but please, next time he's in, check if his tongue is blue so we know if he's still using.

P.P.S. Keep that boner inspector the fuck away From George I don't need to explain why Wow It is nice to hear From the people who make the podcast What it is

Claire Wakenmoth Hashtag soon to be Lazenby It'll be Lazenby knee Wakenmoth Remy's got thoughts. He's just getting sleepy. That's okay. Do you want to respond to that at all? I was just saying it's a delight to hear from those

who have a little bit of extra colouring, backstory, insight into what makes the podcast. To be honest, wheneverorge would show up to the studio i i rarely did i think about the people who he left behind yeah yeah keep going and so look i mean claire i appreciate the insight thankfully we've we've finished spending our time

with um george and neither of us got now this is going to be a horrible turn of phase, but draped in Lays and Cum. So I'd say it's a bullet dodged. Rightio. Next message. I will say, if he's looking to launch a solo podcast, draped in Lays and Comes, probably got to be at the top of the list of potential titles.

Surely, surely. Now, this is a guy who I tried to push in front of you, Claire, and I'd like to issue a final apology for that behavior. Hey, Frosty fellas, I'm a recent fan and was delighted to be included in the Killianair pitching. Never mind. In the Killian Air pitching Never mind win my heat In the Killian Air pitching

Never mind win my heat Like they were happy to be involved And even happier to have won But wait a minute, spoiler Under punctuated So don't say their, whoever's name this is Don't say it I won't

Whatever happens I'm relatively obsessed with Taskmaster. Okay. So when I heard murmurs that New Zealand had managed to capture the spirit, I felt I had to check it out. All I'd seen of Series 2 prior was the rap battle task, of course, and fell in love with all of Guy's, David's, and Laura's energies immediately. Upon finding out about Guy's podcast that also had this other guy on it,

that would be you, Tim. Me. I immediately checked it out and just so happened to be joining as you were releasing Kill Your Nail on Spotify and considered myself incredibly lucky with the timing. All jokes aside, I've now grown a deep love for you as well, Tim, at least as much as one can for someone on the other side of the planet but hey i'm told long distance can work i've just started my deep

dive into season one and i'm absolutely loving it i've somewhat mixed memories of grown-ups too from my teenage years due to family friends who loved it i only really found a couple of moments funny and didn't understand why they liked it so much, but it was forced on me. Years later, it's very therapeutic to listen to two lovely boys shit all over it. Combined with a feature from my absolute favorite, James Acaster, and I don't think it could possibly be any better. Can't wait for you both to get on Off Menu. I understand this is probably far too long a message to read, but in the first place, never mind. Read in the first place, Never mind on the friend zone. I will say this for you, anonymous author.

Don't be afraid to use commas. They'll make a world of difference. How dare you? This is a lovely message. I understand there's probably, okay, I'll read it. Coming in here with bloody punctuation. I understand there's probably far too long a message to read in the first place. Never mind on the friend zone but just in case you do say my name much love name redacted

gorgeous stuff this is a weird thing about taskmaster it's only been in like three english speaking countries there's a whole lot of european countries have made it, but isn't it just like New Zealand, UK, America had a brief punt. But then the rest of it is like Finland and Denmark. I'll tell you the regions that they've remade it, because it makes sense. It's like the perfect format for any territory. So obviously the UK is the original, and the international versions of the program are in Belgium,

Sweden, Spain, Denmark, Norway, Finland, the US, New Zealand, Croatia, and as of 2022, finally, Portugal. So the more you know, eh? Remy's just been relocated. He's next to me. I can reach him. That dead ear was because I had to put the mic down. No, that's okay.

Do you know what? Like, you grew up in radio, so you've been told dead ear is the worst thing that can happen. If I walk into especially a cafe and there's no music playing, I leave. Really? Turn around and walk out of there. Yeah. Can't handle it. Man, you've got a heavy, heavy vibe.

No, it's a good thing. It's because I'm such a vibe guy that I have to leave. Do you know what's difficult is now you put Remy next to me, I can't stop giving him little tickles and he's doing these big smiles. Yeah, he's a cute little kid, isn't he? Dear Guy Montgomery, County, Pennsylvania, and Tim, Major League Baseball, bat. Long-time listener, first-time caller, preparing to see REO Speedwagon in person tomorrow, so I thought it was the perfect time to send an email.

In spite of being a Philadelphia native, state of brotherly love. That's right. Is that right? Yeah. Pennsylvania, Philadelphia's the city. City of brotherly love? We got there. Good thing Guy knows this stuff.

Whose only time abroad includes working an internship for Parliament in London and being mugged in Nice, France. Who are you, Kim Kardashian? Brackets. The irony is not lost on me. Now, this work's written down because Nice is spelt nice. But I believe pronounced Nice, right?

Yeah, you got it. That's the place. I seem to have developed an incredibly niche love for Aussie and Kiwi comedians such as yourself. Guy, quickly, name one Australian comedian. I can't. You know that. I'm against them. Somehow, watching and listening to the Donner Boys, that's their real name

the Donner Boys, led me to start listening to the two of you. The Donner Boys, if you're uninitiated, Auntie Donna. Check them out on Netflix. Auntie Donna. Netflix and YouTube. I believe Black Magic, those two words have strikethrough,

they've got a line through the words Wizard Guy Montgomery turning Zach From vegan chicken nugget To man was my first exposure Which led to Twirewet And later Deathblart Do you remember that? Auntie Donna have a podcast as well

I don't know how They're very busy so I don't know how often they put it out But they had some crazy I went on as a guest and they were in the middle of some crazy sort of narrative journey on the show Within the series

And they said, so you come on and this is who you are and you have to hit this beat but you can do whatever you want, but you have to do this thing Very curb It was great fun Is that all we're getting? You can google the episode folks

And have a listen for yourself I thought I would reach out to thank you For being a long time source of sanity In my life Well you know what Guy and I say You don't have to be crazy to be on this podcast But it sure helps that's right um i graduated from college in may of 2020 and immediately found myself living

in the back of my car determined not that was the wrong tone for that wasn't it so deliberate it was determined to uh determined to not go insane i decided to listen to two grown men review Grown Ups 2 at least once a day, a feat I've followed up by listening to the Donna track 30 Minutes of Straight Fire no less than a dozen times I'm working at a law firm now and living indoors listening to the dulcet tones of George Lazenby

and the Boner Inspector and I'm looking forward to many, many more hours of listening to your artistic endeavors i'm a bit light on cash at the moment but i dropped ten dollars to the paypal and i hope uh i hope you can enjoy some sort of bev on me boys if it makes to the friend zone say the name with pride brett finstermacker ps i've been loving guy on Taskmaster New Zealand Keep up the good work P.P.S. Please for the love of God get

Mark Samuel On an episode of Emmanuel P.P.P.S. If I may pitch a porno consider the following Hug the sun but horny Oh wow This guy is a huge fan of Australian

Comedy Hug the Sun is a great YouTube series That you can look up starring I believe two great Australian comedians Ben Russell and Xavier Michelades I know I said I couldn't remember any of their names But I've been struck by a bolt of inspiration There's a follow up email

Of course there is Can I read it? This came on the same day No it didn't No it didn't Hello just finished listening to Friendzone 131 On a day off from work And remembered that I forgot

To mention something I went to see Grown Ups 2 in theatres This summer it came out with my first girlfriend I'd just turned 16 or 17 And so Also And distinctly remember it being the film This summer it came out with my first girlfriend. I just turned 16 or 17 and so, or so, and distinctly remember it being the film that I had to have my first make-out session to. Just thought you might enjoy that info. Keep up the good work.

Good instincts. Can't live without that info. It's important to have context for every milestone in our listeners' lives. And for all of you holdouts who have been masking from us, the first time you grew a pubic hair, the first time you shared a kiss, Hi again, Frosty fellas. Thanks for acknowledging I'm near the USD 100. Or US $100. It was a pleasure.

Something vaguely humorous. I had a reminder the other day of how I'm spending far too much time in your company when I saw that 17 wickets had fallen in a day's play in the cricket. I went to say to my pal that they needed a call for the pitch inspector, but the second word came out exactly as you might expect Pitch inspector Second word Biner inspector

Pitch inspector Pitch inspector Pitch director Honestly? I don't know what happened to you David, you've got to tell us what you said Because we cannot solve this Pitch inspector.

Pitch inspector. I'm seeing that David is British, so put the X on. Pitch inspector. Sounds like they better send out the pitch inspector. The pitching specter. Pitch inspector. No. No, I'm not getting any brainwaves on what's happened there struggling with innuendo

oh well i look forward to getting filled in on what we're missing from dave yeah boy 50 usd sent our way circa mid-september 2021 the communique as follows. Hi. Pretty fly for a white guy and he's cute but I think he's married, Tim. I wanted to wish Tim and his partner all the best with the imminent birth of his new baby, who you can hear right now. We'll send an email

since there's a character limit. Oh, there's an email. Who is this from actually? Oh yes, here's the accompanying email uh so i had my own daughter just under a year ago and your podcast has kept me occupied on many aimless walks with the pram it has been a wonderful year deadly pandemic and lockdowns apart and i hope it's the same for you tim guy i hope you were fine too i suppose hopefully at some point in the long and distant future one or both of you might come to scotland for the edinburgh festival and you'd better bet i'll see

you there subject to the prices being okay and me not having anything else going on incidentally you can add me to your list of listeners with a PhD. It's probably not surprising that we'd be drawn to an endeavour which is repetitive and has questionable value to most of the population. Best wishes. Lots of kisses. Feel free to say my name.

From Craig. Craig, I really like the direct analogy between the PhD and the podcast there. I like best wishes and lots of kisses. I want to start adding that to my emails. There's a lot to like, and I've got one to close on. Let's wrap it up on this.

Remy's fixing for a sleep, I think. Well, good news, brother. You're about to get put the heck down. Guy, I hope this makes it to the friend zone. Please reach over. Take our beloved Tim by the hand. Gaze directly into his eyes. This is the, there never has been a friend zone where it would be harder to do this.

I'm holding a baby, a microphone, headphone, cell phone in our guy's hand. That's right. Look into my eyes. cell phone in our guy's hand. That's right. Look into my eyes. And thank him for me, for finally reading my PayPal message on the previous friend zone.

We received this on the 12th of February. All is forgiven, my sweet Timothy. I'll breathe your name with every exhalation and never again will our spirits part. Edna. Guy, you're okay too. And my dude, say my name. Two emails in a row of slamming Monty.

This is unprecedented. Say my name, but say it like you're an American football coach and you're giving me the call to go on as replacement long snapper as our team attempts a 45-yard field goal to steal a superb owl victory. Can we both have a crack at it? Oh, a Super Bowl. Superb owl victory in the face of deceit. Fuck, I've cracked that owl joke in text often enough

that when I messed up spelling Super Bowl, my phone corrected it to that. Okay. Do you want to know the name? No, no no i'll hear you do it i reckon i'll follow suit shire chris shire you're it chris show get out there i think i changed his name no but you got the vibe so thank you chris Thank you to every author. And a lot of people think you've got to write a book to be an author. I say you've got to write a piece of correspondence to Tim and Guy, and that's good enough in my book.

Remy, do you want to say anything to the listeners before we wrap up this friend zone? He's looking out the window. He's giving me a big hug, and I think he's ready to go to sleep. Well, let's put these microphones down, and let's put that baby baby to sleep and then let's you and I sit thigh to thigh, eye to eye, and watch ourselves, the making of documentary of And Just Like That, which, excitingly,

has just been announced for season two. That'll be the next, we'll get into that later. Something that I tweeted from the Worst Idea account saying, yes, yes, yes, and moments later I saw Tim had retweeted the same thing saying, no, no, no. And moments later, I saw Tim had retweeted the same thing saying, no, no, no.

Anyway, we'll see you soon. Bye. Bye. Bye.