The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 151

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Tim and Guy have written another podcast episode ready for release. Joined by a verbose and scornful Remy (who has inherited his father's excellent mic technique and propensity to mock Guy), the lads discuss etiquette when relaying that you've listened to an audiobook and in listener correspondence, discover the name of their libertarian listener (it's amazing). We're also given a possible origin story for Coffee Guy, the History of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody and explore whether or not Mattress Pikelet King made And Just Like That... just to win them over. IMPORTANTLY One Off Fest is on Saturday May 28. Watch it live in Auckland or livestream it from anywhere in the world. ONE-OFF FEST TICKETS (live and livestreaming)TWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / WebsiteGUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website / SYDNEY TICKETSTIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friend zone, in the friend zone, you're always home, in the friend zone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. And that means that we're in the friend zone. You don't have to... I'll explain what's happening, Guy. I got this one. We're in the lounge. Yeah, that's cool, man. I know that. I mean, I'm here. We're in the lounge, and we're in my lounge, and we've got... This is a bad place to record, actually,

because I've got such high ceilings in here that the sound really bounces around. That's not our problem. Vibe-wise, it's great. We've got some blinds. The vibe's hot. And some slatted blinds, and the light's pouring through, and it's kissing your face.

We're keeping it sexy. The face of young Remy so beautifully. And Remy, of course, has an old media cable as a chew toy. Well, it's HDMI that's still valid. We're still using that. You're still using that cable? Oh, 100%. He's having a good chew on it.

And Rufus is around here somewhere i just want people to know he's not chewing the middle of the cable he's chewing the business end of the cable yeah the connector the very hdmi part of the cable indeed i love hdmi do you what do you love about it it's like the cutoff of technology I know how to use. Yeah, that's cool, man. You know, like in my house around rejigging television and laptops into TVs and all that stuff because I don't cast or anything. Yeah. You're not a caster? HDMI is my space. That's where I'm comfy.

The old trusty. Old reliable. A wired connection. The old faithful. Old faithful. The old trusty, old reliable, old wired connection. The old faithful, old faithful, the old girl. Hey, so let's talk turkey. Tim, how are you? What have you been doing? Give me the high and the low.

You want to say something, Remy? You want to jump in here? No, he's got his tune on his HDMI. It's got good vitamins, that cable. Oh, yeah. Dude, what's been going on? I'll tell you what, getting ready for a big old show,

which is happening tomorrow at the time of this recording. Hopefully I'll get this out today. Though I can't see it happening actually. No? Remembering what else I've got on today. Yeah man, one-off fest. What if I drove you some places today? Would that help you achieve your goals? No, it's very sweet, but no man, it's all... What if I drove you some places today Would that help you achieve your goals?

No, it's very sweet What if I drove you somewhere you don't even have to go Just like a leisure drive Well that would actually impede what I have to do We've got a big show happening tomorrow It's huge You're on it I'm on it

You're a big star of the show I know, I begged I begged and I begged Tim said no more That's how a star is of the show i begged i begged and i begged tim said that's how that's how a star is really born you beg and you beg and you beg and someone says all right fine and then um i actually haven't seen the movie but does someone drown in a pool oh man i can't remember i saw it at the at the flicks but that does no well No one dies in a pool But I think there is a pool scene There's a song about a pool

Lady Gaga's Oh yeah The Shallows That's where I'm getting it from Yeah yeah yeah Great tune Yeah Great tune

A nice one for karaoke Great voice too Did you see House of Gucci? No I've been pronouncing it House of Gucky Oh no Guy Montgomery I've been saying I've got to see it house of gucky oh no guy montgomery i mean saying i've got to see this

house of gucky and people they smirk and they snigger and now you know why you had no idea oh i actually do you know what it's fun i heard a lot of great reviews about that movie i said every i heard that every actor brought a different performance style and a different understanding of what kind of movie it was. Oh, really? Yeah. That's cool, man. A real patchwork of cinema. I'm into that.

But I was so inspired by hearing about it because I read a little bit about the story. I bought the audio book as yet unlistened to. House of Gucky read by whom? I assume Stanley Tucky. Okay, Stanley Tucky. House of Gucky read by whom i assume stanley tucky okay stanley tucky house of gucky read by tucky i like that uh so what's what's been happening you got the big show i'm on it obviously you've got two hearts is it read by the tooch no no i was doing a rhyming game okay you've got two hearts joseph does steenley tucci do audiobooks

uh he's released an autobiography recently and you've got to assume you read that you'd hope so there's a deep um satisfaction in reading it or listening to rather an audiobook read by its author the partridge audiobooks i partridge we need to talk about alan and nomad such a good such a good title i partridge two of the most satisfying oral experiences i've had and i've got a question for you tim yeah if you listen to a book oh yes when you talk about it with people later do you say that you've read the book oh i've never listened to an audiobook that is very on brand i'd listen to podcasts but i've never listened to an audio book that is very on brand i'd listen to podcasts but i've never listened to an audio when you talk on brand when you talk about the podcast you say you've read this podcast no no i do not um guy and i wrote another episode of the podcast today

i'm working hard uh do you what do you say you listen to to a book? that's what I would say I think I say I feel like I'm a bit of a dweeb with this stuff I think I say listened Remy's on Remy's on mic but when I you know

say I log all the books I read in a year so that I've got a it's not a gag bro I'm being earnest for once in my life and for you to just get on mic and such good mic technique laughing at me that really shits me dude grabbed the mic pulled it into his mouth and laughed at you not with guy yeah you could hear it i got it yeah okay when i talk you laugh ha ha ha yeah I'm a clown you want me to dance for you yeah

fuck him up Remy oh that is the final straw you hold that mic away from that baby all I'm saying is that when I log the books I've read in a year on that list

are also they're demarked with the word listen but you've also got the audio books yeah that's legit but we're talking about in conversation

with Guy Montgomery yeah how does he refer to it I listen to it I listen to the audio books yeah that's legit but we're talking about in conversation with guy montgomery yeah what how does he refer to it i listen to it i listen to the audio book i listen to the book he says well i'm glad we got to the bottom i say i say audio book because if you say i listen to the book then everyone's like what you held the book up to your ear people definitely would say that first before assuming you'd listen to an audio book, a very normal thing to consume in the modern age. Hey, sorry for trying to create a riff. I've been reading. A rift between us.

That's what it's turning into. I've been reading, just reading aloud, like the book that I'm reading to Remy at night, like in the middle of the night just to help him sleep. It's a good tactic, I think. Are you consuming the information as you read? 100%. That's amazing.

Dude, it's fascinating. What's the book? The Dawn of Everything. Oh, it sounds too big for me. It's a tome. Well, it's actually, this one's not that big. It's pretty big. It's pretty big.

But it's pretty fucking sick, dude. I'm really enjoying it. I'm happy to hear it. It's about re-examining the entire commonly held understanding about anthropological history holy shit yeah dude and they're they're re-looking at all evidence from particularly indigenous cultures and they're going i think these fuckos interpreted it wrong in the 1800s, in the 60s? I'll bet you they did. Tim's hosting the show. Oh, yeah.

You've also got comedy by Courtney Dawson, Keegan Govan, Guy Montgomery. Yes. You've got musical comedy by Two Hearts. Paul Williams. I don't know what flavor of music Paul's playing. Nor do I. Paul is a very funny man, and he's also an incredibly gifted and heartfelt musician. So what we're going to get on the night?

Nobody knows. He'll probably split the diff. And then you've got total music performances by Dick Move and heartfelt musician. So what we're going to get on the night? Nobody knows. He'll probably split the diff. And then you've got total music performances by Dick Move and Lips. Yeah, Lips are a great local band who did the soundtrack for a movie. I don't know, one or two locals might have seen it called Daffodils. I met Steph from Lips when I first moved to Canada and I was in New York. I stayed on a friend's couch for a month. Too long. They didn't ask me for that long. A york i stayed on a friend's couch for a month too long

they didn't ask me for that long a month is a while on a couch i know and i didn't even know i was overstaying i was um i was like on their couch for five nights or something and then i said to my friend mark i said hey man do you want to go to this um q-tips dips DJing a show in Brooklyn. Do you want to go? And he was like, yeah, man. That's so cool. He was like, yeah. And I said, yeah, great.

It's in two weeks. And he was like, two weeks? And that's when I realized I was planning too far ahead for a person staying on their couch. Yeah, man. Yeah. And we didn't go. Hey, you live and you learn, though, don't you?

You know what I mean? And I wouldn't change it for anything. I still consider Mark to be a great friend to this very day. I wonder if he thinks the same of you. Probably not. Oh, I think mentally categorizes me, but we don't really see each other. Yeah, or you did kind of stay on this couch.

I mean, we live in the same city. But all I'm saying is this. Sure, if I were to be in Cambridge. If you're in Auckland, you can come to the show live At Kew Theatre But vitally If you aren't in Auckland

If you're just anywhere in the world And you want to watch the show Because it's Tim Batt putting it on You better believe you damn well can It's live streaming baby Yeah And the tickets are available at TimBatt.co.nz

That sounds good. Yeah, keep it simple. Keep it simple, silly. And if you haven't looked at it, go to Tim's Instagram at timbatnz and look at the poster art because it is one of the best posters I've seen in a while. And I love posters.

I wouldn't joke about this sort of thing. Hello, my friends in the zone. I regret to inform you that I have identified your sole libertarian listener and he is running for comptroller in nyc his name is john tobacco and he did not submit a bio in time to be included in the voter guide i googled him and the first thing that came up was an article about him refusing oh getting arrested because he refused to wear a mask and at a poll site in Staten Island. It's bleak out here.

And then we've got a photo included in this email from, I hope they don't mind me saying their name, Arthur. And it says, Comptroller. Brad Lander, Democrat. Davey? Davey? Carreras? Republican, Save Our City, Paul Rodriguez, Conservative, and John Tobacco, Libertarian, Independent, and there's an asterisk by his name. And I can't see what the asterisk refers to, which always shits me in a document. They put an asterisk somewhere and then they never tell you what it means?

I love that. That's a tease. That's setting up for a sequel, brother. As a completionist, it's just like, fuck. That's a Marvel post-credit sequence. They've got you on the hook for more. There's more. There's more to this email.

There's screenshots of things. I'm seeing a news article. City comptroller candidate John Tobacco. John Tobacco is the best name I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, it sounds make-believe. John Tobacco arrested in mask-wearing dispute at Staten Island Board of Elections. That was dated July last year. Oh, there we go. And here is a choice quote from his website. Mr. Tobacco is regarded, oh, sorry, recognized as one of the predominant experts

and leading voices on TV and capital markets, trading and financial technology. His unique skill set and his regular man style has led Mr. Tobacco being featured on every cable news network. And then we're back to the email from Arthur.

Regular man style. Anyway, I think the next season of Worst Idea of All Time should be Guy, Tim, and the baby watching kids TV. There's so much wild stuff out there. Either every episode of a show or sampling different shows. You could make up a rating system for Remy based on what he does during the watch. Stay frosty. Love, Arthur. They, them. Thank you, Arthur. what he does during the watch stay frosty love arthur they them thank you arthur uh you know i've been watching not a lot of kids tv olive's mostly on bluey which i still stand by as being

one of the great shows tried to get her on spongebob not for her that's fair enough uh but recently she started watching some absolute dog shit show called strawberry shortcake and um i can't, you know, like, Olive is not someone who keys in to everything that's on the screen. She's more, I think refined is probably overstating it, but certain things you have to tickle her in certain ways for engagement. And as much as I hate Strawberry Shortcake, I cannot argue with the focus that it demands of Olive.

And, I mean, you're not wrong. Kids' TVs, it's the Wild West out there. Would you do it, Tim? I mean, are you looking for, like, what's... Do you guys have a screen policy with Remy yet? Are you new age parents? Pretending that phones don't exist until he's 13 or something? You know, you do what you can, don't you?

But ultimately we live in the world. Yeah, we do live in the world. We live in the world, don't we? It's 13 or something. You know, you do what you can, don't you? But ultimately, we live in the world. Yeah, we do live in the world. We live in the world, don't we? It's a damn shame. You want to be a bit mindful of it. But, well, the alternative is that you don't live in the world. Well, I mean, the bright side is we live in New Zealand. Mm-hmm.

In the world. You've got to love that. I do. You simply must. Speaking of countries, by the way, I was recently in Australia. No way. Yeah, and I just want to say I had a great time. And thank you to all of the Worst Idea fans.

For voting for Anthony Albanese. Anthony Albanese. I actually was against that. I was only there for a week. You did a write-in ballot for John Howard. Well, I just thought as long as I'm there, I'm going to vote. Yeah. And I did.

Because you have to if you're in Australia. No, I know. I was told you're not allowed to. Because you have to if you're in Australia. No, I know. I was told you're not allowed to, but I got my vote across the line anyway. Oh, true. Tried to get a few more years of ScoMo. My hand was battered down by the Australian public. Oh, well, you win some, you lose some. And in this case, Guy lost.

Can I actually tell you, this is so gauche. No, I'm not going to do it. Do it. Come on, man. Be your soul. I improvised a funny joke on the night of because i did a show the night of the election and i was bet i was you know um tensions are high in canberra a city that should not exist as we wait for the final electoral

results of this australian federal election but i was saying i was saying i vote i said in the show i said i voted for skomo and people didn't like that and uh i said who else anyone else and no one in my crowd said anything and i said god damn it my audience is poor i thought there'd be at least one rich person in here but you're just a bunch of cucks waiting to go back to your share houses to watch your partner have the shit fucked out of them. That is fantastic. And you know what? That's a bit of me. I thought the joke would only have validity in that one night,

but through the medium of this podcast and my own insatiable ego. I loved it. I've dug it back up. Did it work in the room? I'll bet it killed. Yeah, it crushed, yeah. Hello, boys. I had to search up the Facebook page since I can't for the life of me find a way to message you all on substance.

Presumably substance. I had to search up the Facebook page since I can't for the life of me find a way to message you all on substance presumably Substack I've just discovered a possible massive new connection to Coffee Guy This is big I'm ready I was reading up about the Ace Attorney video game series as I'm somewhat interested in trying them and came across a character

called Godot from the third game prepare your asses for this Godot is a coffee obsessed defense attorney who claims to have died and came back from hell to be a defense attorney his background is mysterious and he spends all of his free time attempting to discover new ways to roast and brew coffee. He drinks so much coffee that at one point says he will limit himself to 17 cups for this one case. Coffee Guy died in his grand battle with Dick Bott and Brady, felled by their might. He went to hell, was unsatisfied with his end,

and hell's mediocre Jabba, and came back to the realm of the living to become a cyberpunk defense attorney fueled only by hatred and an endless supply of coffee discuss i would like to put it to our audience to create some visual art based on what is now a canonical origin story for coffee man or i guess it's not an origin story um but i I love it. Yeah. It sounds good to me, man.

You know what? Sounds good. Sign me up. It makes a lot of sense. I don't know a lot about the... Ace Attorney. Ace Attorney. But, I mean, just from the limited information that's been shared here by our listener, I like it. By the way, this is Cameron.

They didn't mention their name, but Cameron Swingle, who is on an episode of Killianere that's out right now. Over on the sub stack, you can watch it, or of course on the feed, you might have already listened to it. But just letting you know.

It's a worry that people can't message us via sub stack. Well, this very initiative-taking young... If you leave a comment, Guy and I will both see it. That's right. And we'll read it. We'll put that in a friend's own bin. Because you know I pay to be there. You do.

Guy's got the transaction slightly backwards. I get some of that money comes back to my pocket, right? Well, not currently hello my beautiful fuck boys there is no longer this is no longer relevant to your lives oh this is also from November last year fantastic

this is no longer relevant to your lives and possibly someone has already informed you but I'm currently listening to episode 56 let me just pick up the baby for a second baby's doing yoga baby was in downward dog baby's doing yoga baby wasn't down with dog babies love yoga baby was asleep yeah i'm sorry for this no this isn't your fault i came over it is we knew the risk scheduled time and um rufus's rufus the dog's favorite thing in the

world to do is make a whole lot of noise when anyone approaches the property um so i think i know i was actually i i saw you i was outside your fence line and i looked across the fence i saw tim in the kitchen furiously i threw my hand up to indicate guy don't take one more fucking step i didn't and so i took the dog out to guy in a way to mitigate this impending disaster did it work absolutely not for a second it felt like it might rufus lost his shit baby's awake crying it's all on for young and old anywho the message continues i'm currently listening to episode 56 of the we are your friends season and the topic episode 56 of the we are your friends isn't it? Someone might have sprained up to 60. Jesus.

The topic of... Zach and Cody came up. The two of you wondered aloud why the eponymous boys were living in a hotel in the original series. Lucky or perhaps unlucky for you two, I've been a super fan of the show since I was a child. Zach and Cody Martin lived in the Tipton Hotel in Boston because their mother had a job there as a lounge singer.

Cool. Presumably, their suite was included in her benefits package, although no other employees at the Tipton canonically lived there. The only other character on the show who lives there, what, who lives in the hotel, is London Tipton, whose father owns the hotel. Her suite is noticeably nicer than Zach, Cody, and their mom's. In the spin-off Suite Life on Deck,

the boys in London attend school and live on a cruise ship, also owned by London's father. Zach and Cody's mom continues to be employed at the Boston Tipton, and the previous manager of the Boston Tipton becomes the manager of the SS Tipton, the boat the kids live on. So the Tipton employee benefits package seems rather extensive.

Stay fresh and say my name. Drew. Drew, I just want to say thanks for clearing all that up because God knows I've been walking around for 33 years and i guess the show's only been alive for about 23 of them but just not being able to navigate the the where and what for's of you know the backstory and the grounding of the sweet life with zach and cody and the timing couldn't be better because i saw a tweet yesterday that said um chance the rapper's going to be starring in the zach and

cody reboot why not and uh i ask you dear libertarian someone tweeted with the caption saying and this is for the kanye west fans i guess which are probably dwindling but it said uh dude met kanye west and is still going to fail which is a reference to uh a line on a chance to wrap a verse on a kanye west song i can't remember if it's father stretch my hands or something or ultralight beam but he says um i met kanye west i'm never going to fail and so it's uh one of those tweets you know that if it gets you it really gets you yeah now wow this is a big message well it's not that big here we go hello tim and guy hope you're keeping well i write to you from rainy melbourne where i've recently had the pleasure of seeing guys stand up show congratulations on the set i brought the family along and we all had an

excellent time the only downside to my festival experience was falling victim to COVID-19, though. Don't fret. There's only a one in four chance I got it from your show. My time in isolation has compelled me to write to you with a theory that I cannot get out of my head. It seems clear to me that the entire And Just Like That series was concocted as an elaborate ploy by Mattress Pikelet King to convert your very selves into fans of Sex and the City. Note, I have not watched the series, so these observations are based only on your retellings. Your initial recaps at the beginning of the show were full of disdain,

and you set it in for a familiar stint of mockery and aloof commentary. Mattress Pikelet got you where you were comfortable, and then gradually improved the quality of the show introducing new storylines and real character growth that left you no choice but to begin to view it in earnest and with respect as a listener the evolution over the series was quite a thing to witness i've left this theories confirmed by the presence of certain undisputable twio at references in the show itself including the large sheep painting and the return of coffee guy i cannot envision a scenario that would result in the inclusion

of this Java-loving extra just by chance. King knew you'd be watching, and he made it his personal mission to change your minds about his work, and you fell deeply into his trap. You may read my first name. Stella. Stella! I was going to do it. Glad you did.

I'll bet Stella's never heard that before ever I don't think we've ever been Stockholm syndromed as well as we were during that mini season I mean, the thing is there's so many reasons we were and Matt just probably had a running start

in so much as a complaint frequently lodged. I remember myself, I'm sure that Tim made the same one. It's like, all you want is deviation. All you want to do is see the same characters you've been living with make a different choice. And so to be in a world where they were doing that week in, week out, was a huge leg up for them. Of course we were going to enjoy it more. I didn't anticipate enjoying it as much as we did or feeling sincere

excitement when the second season was announced i honestly think you enjoyed it more than me on a on a on an earnest level yeah i enjoyed it a little bit by the end but i but i like um not bad things but i can consume you know I think I watch movies that aren't perfect. Yeah, mate. I know. We've been doing this podcast for the better part of a decade. I watch reality television. Do you do that?

No. I watch... Chelsea and I are watching the current season of Big Brother Australia. And honestly, it feels like home. I love it. We're on Express, so we're watching the episodes in real time last year when we got into it we had the whole season to work through and we just mainlined it but you know like it's on again there's new episodes tuesday wednesday thursday today's friday last night was thursday we were both upset at the end

of the episode no more food for us it It's good stuff. The pantry is bare of your favourite thing. Yeah. You want to say anything, Remy? Let's grab the mic. Little man's sleepy. Little man needs to go back to sleep. I love that little guy.

Do you want to... Might need to knock it on the head. Yeah, yeah. Might need to wrap this up, I'm afraid. Well, the baby's in charge. Remy's in charge. Here's the thing about Remy.

He's in charge. He's a little boss's the thing about remy he's a little boss baby yeah that's right alec baldwin voices tim's son you're a little boss baby wow he's actually on hiatus at the moment because of what happened but yeah he's been fired into the sun i think there's no better place to leave it than that check out timbat.co.nz if you want to get tickets either for live or live streaming the one of fest I cannot encourage it enough I'm so grateful

to Tim and what's the name of the person who runs 100% good oh Anthony and Anthony dude's a fucking legend

ever heard of the Beths yeah he does all this stuff I'm so grateful you guys are putting on this show I think it's exactly what Auckland and the country needs

we might not even lose money the whole seriously this entire time me and anthony were like okay how much money are you like prepared to lose each to put this show because we just wanted we're so sick of covid locking everything down and absolutely everything that we're like fuck this how much money are we willing to lose on this thing we might break even based on ticket sales now which makes me very happy oh i'm i'm just as a performer i'm so grateful to see you guys taking the initiative i think it's going to be one of the best shows of the year i keep saying it i sincerely believe it so if you can get a ticket to watch it live or online get on it and if you're in a different

territory as well you don't it like you can watch it on delay i think we're leaving the window open for like two or three days great you know you can do that um otherwise otherwise you know if you want to see the visual bit of calionia tv it does add a whole dimension to see these fantastic plotters and potential assassins beautifully and perfectly edited you can go to twioat.substack.com but otherwise my friends get out there and and conquer you know just live your life oh instead of getting the paper yeah that's enough You're not alone anytime with Tim and Guy.