The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 152

Episode Date: June 7, 2022

It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood. After a coffee in the morning, Tim and Guy reunite for a catch up in the friendzone ON THE BOOKS. Hungover movies, hungover television and hangovers in general, including a truly repulsive stroll down memory lane with a twenty-year-old Flash are the menu. Catholic mothers-in-law are upset by our boner content while four year old children are singing our theme song. But the big ticket item: Guy is filming a comedy special for Paramount+!If you live in Melbourne, you are required to attend at The Malthouse on Monday June 20! Get a free ticket at guymontgomery.co.nzTWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website / SubstackGUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / WebsiteTIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Hey! What's that one? That is called improv. Ah! I know. Welcome to the friend zone, everybody. Ah!

It's Guy and Tim here. Welcome. Guy doesn't know when I press the record button. It's a very fluid situation. But it's nice for people to know what it's like when they're not here, which is exactly what it's like when you are here. It really is. Only undocumented.

And to that I asked him, why the fuck do we bother? And he says, unreleased content is the backbone of our friendship. And I say, I call that a waste of time. I think the roles are reversed here. I think my insistence is for us to tape everything. If I could have my way, this house would be rigged up like Prince's estate. Microphones in every room in case we say something funny and we need to release it.

I think that's probably a bridge too far, but I like it. Chelsea and I have been watching Big Brother Australia, which essentially is a TV show. Is that still going? Is it a new season or are you watching it? It's a new season. It keeps going and going it's um you know fan favorite old players and a bunch of new people and i've got to say you know

i've actually i put my foot down recently i said to chelsea we have to start watching some quality tv because we are fucking frying our brains here but um i do love big brother i don't know man so listen i think you guys consume a lot of good content you you've really the last uh 12 to 18 months been making it your life's mission to watch films and you're watching good movies yeah so why not balance that out with some trashy tv well i agree i'm all for trash but i just think when it's when it's uh when it's all you watch and i'm not saying it's all you watch. And I'm not saying it's all you watch. But it is. But it is.

We struggle to align on... Yeah. This is a very boring conversation. No, it isn't. We struggle to align on certain shows. Friends zone. I love to be thrilled. I don't mind being scared. You're a big House of Cards guy, aren't you?

Kevin Spacey's number one fan. Guy Montgomery. If you really want to thrill me and scare me, I want Kevin Spacey's number one fan, Guy Montgomery. If you really want to thrill me and scare me, I want Kevin Spacey's new Christmas video that he drops in characters Frank Underwood to be filmed in my kitchen without my knowledge. Oh, no. Did he do one last year?

I'd like to think so. He actually, he's got a movie coming out. That's bad. And it's copying a bit of Backlash. And I count it for the life of me think why. I saw that Louis C.K. In fact, I watched the trailer last night. Louis C.K. and Joe List.

I watched the trailer too. Yeah. Like just from a look point of view, it looks bad. Like it's too sharp. It looks like someone's filmed it on a digital SLR without any kind of knowledge of how to de-sharpen things. It's too fucking crisp and i don't know if this is good or bad but part of me at least expected the trailer to be

funny yeah or like to enjoy it but i was like i don't even have to miss being able to enjoy this guy's art because this looks like it's not good true enough true uh how are you me um tired to be honest i think would be the overriding in this moment i'm good when you say you're tired uh the more experienced parents of infants or you know toddlers now do they say to you yep welcome to parenthood brother uh no i'm not talking to anyone you don't talk to people no i talk to you when we're recording something you talk to people in meetings uh yeah i do you when we're recording something. You talk to people in meetings? Yeah, I do, but that's all business, baby. You're not talking to people socially?

It's not. When would I? I suppose in your waking hours. I do a lot of talking to Remy. Yeah. Really? I've always thought that you're a man with a very balanced life. I've always admired the way that you tackle things head on.

It seems like there's space for everything. Oh, that's very sweet. What I try to do is kind of meld things together. So I've got a lot of two birds, one stone going on. For example, this morning. What? The Tim, Bat and Guy Montgomery friendship. Well, to pick but one example

and to drill into an even more specific um instance frame for that this morning you know i had to take the dog for a walk and let's get that baby some fresh air chuck him in a stroller and then bloody text guy montgomery because we live around the corner from each other essentially now so what did we do we met up for coffee it was a beautiful moment it was very nice i do love that i like that we share a local coffee shop. I know. It feels very cosmopolitan. I've just started texting Guy when I go for walks now.

And this is the first hit I think I've had where the stars have aligned. How did it feel? Fantastic. I was worried it would be underwhelming. Nope. I loved every minute of it because I didn't just get the pleasure of going to Montgomery's company. Olive was there and then Chelsea joined us. It was the whole freaking fun.

It was an avalanche of my family. It was very good. Too rich for my blood. I don't care for those women. Now, tell me, Tim, you're not sleeping a lot. And when Tim says he's tired, everyone, that means he's tired because this is a man who would not make an idle complaint about not getting enough sleeping hours. This is my opinion of you. You are resilient and also you keep unusual hours.

I regard you as an abysmal sleeper. Yeah. So if an abysmal sleeper tells you they're tired. I'm actually in this very moment I'm not tired because this is kind of like my time to shine. Yeah, this is a big platform for you not great in the mornings not great at 7am

not my best I really fuck out around 3pm that's a huge dip there's a whole bloody soup in a cup campaign built around that 330itis ever heard of it?

that's the real pandemic what slayed me is that Zoe and Remy went out of town the other day, and I was like, this is going to be. And they're not back. Tim is not sleeping because he's lonely. The reason he's lonely is his wife and child have left him. And no one can find them.

No, they're here. But I was like, I get a free run. I went to bed at 10 p.m. for the first time in potentially like years went to sleep for two hours woke up at midnight couldn't get back to sleep talking to our friend carlo richie he had the exact same thing he's out of town from his his kid and my kid are the exact same age pretty much i know it's a beautiful thing and he was like i'm i'm in this hotel i'm looking forward to getting the greatest sleep i've ever had something Same thing happened to him. Slept for two hours, awake, can't get back to sleep. That's why this studio is so tidy.

The studio is spotless. I just got up and started tidying the house like a meth addict. Good on you, mate. I guess that is the second thing I have in common with a meth addict. Not sleeping so well, very tidy house. Actually, I mean, I know this is old news and probably not interesting to a lot of people, but Andre Agassi's book, Open, which is one of the great sports autobiographies,

and I love a sports autobiography. I love athletes. Fascinating chapter. It was kind of the pull-out quote or headline of the book when it was released was he talked about trying meth in his professional athlete years. His life experienced a lot of highs and lows. Very unusual upbringing.

Fascinating guy, actually. But anyway. What did he have to say about meth? Cleaned his garage. True. Good for him. Yeah. Lewis has sent us 10 US dollars.

Fucking what's up? Yeah, bro. And here is an accompanying email. Yeah Lewis has sent us 10 US dollars Fucking what's up Yeah bro And Here is an accompanying email This Post donation email Came to us in the month of November Ever heard of it?

Yeah 2021 Well Well Well If it isn't my old Cherished friends Tim

And the other one Pause I love hearing anyone Start anything with Well, well, well. Even when they don't mention your name. Especially. Because it sounds like you're in trouble, dude. Yeah, it does actually.

I write to you both drunk and from the UK. Now, I don't know where to put the emphasis on that. I write to you both as in Tim and Guy or I write to you both drunk and from the UK. You know? I don't know where to put the emphasis on that. I write to you both as in Tim and Guy, or I write to you both drunken from the UK. Oh. You know? I don't know. I don't know how to pass that.

Both of which get a pretty bad rep. I've been an avid listener since the barmy heyday of Grown Ups 2, back when you were brave enough to upload the endearing, but frankly, shithouse of a cover art as the podcast's flagship image i think tim had just woken up in the picture anyway i just wanted to ask you two lovable lads a couple of cues q1 how is it possible that you two have watched over 46 in the city films and yet the boner inspector hasn't had any cases to report i don't want to tell anyone how to live their lives but if we don't see one full steam

hog by the end of this thing then someone better lose their damn job though i have noticed that guy is suspiciously absent when the inspector does his rounds are you hiding something that's not true guys frequently here when the boner inspector was doing his um doing his rounds q2 yeah i'll be honest it's mostly the hog question for me but i might as well use this space to ask another what's your guys favorite film to watch on a lazy sunday with a stonking big hangover thanks for all you do fellas You boys are an absolute pleasure to listen to. Your friend Lewis, PS, I sent cash but forgot to add the message. Isn't technology just the fucking worst thing in the world?

What I love about a gag in an email, especially one built around leaving something in that's meant to be taken out, is it's in your power. I like being like, I got a few questions, and the last one question in the start of the next question is, I'll be honest. Didn't really have a second but to be honest myself in a corner there's no delete button and you've been um hard on yourself because i'd say the second question is a it opens things up conversationally much more you're hung over tim it's a sunday i mean you know if you

can imagine a circumstance not too dissimilar to right now where your partner and your child have left you, you've got the house to yourself. But there's a glint of positive, you know, it's not the weight of your life turning to ash around you is not weighing heavy on you. So it's a positive circumstance. This is the wrong answer, but I still haven't seen falling down. And it's just this persistent thing on my to-do list on my brain michael douglas i think it came out in the like late 80s perhaps oh wow and it's just about a man who has had too much oh flips his shit i've never heard of it yeah yeah this is i don't even know if it's good but it's just one of those ones that i read about

at some point like years ago and was like i gotta see that and it's still just rattling around in my brain uh it's this is the this is the wrong answer and again no it's not the wrong answer but it's i think it's a boring answer because i haven't really done that if i'm hungover i'm usually watching television i'm watching uh peep show the original uk office or seinfeld i sort of just hit these things on rotate review andy daly's review uh the eric andre show there you go and uh do you want can i just shout something up before you give your answer yeah i've been really enjoying for quite a while now tim heidecker's office hours live oh wow the stream he does nice on youtube it's nice to be inside something like that it's not for everyone yeah but it's it's really cool for those it's for it's for them

but the movie which is just a the movie this memory itself is a hangover of having a hangover is inglorious bastards i take great comfort in having that movie on in the background wow it's a movie that if i turn a television on and the movie's playing it doesn't matter where is in the movie i'll be like oh it's the next bit of this and then i'll watch the whole the whole damn thing how long is inglorious bastards over two over two yeah i guess about two and a half you know i interviewed a guy recently called uh damon who's an australian actor who played uh charles manson and once upon a Time in Hollywood. And in Mindhunter. Yeah. He did it like within two months.

Was he a good interviewer? Yeah, he's such a sweetheart. You'll never guess what I did with him. What? Took him out for a sandwich. Did you? Took him out for the eggplant palm. So to connect the dots, folks, Guy's partner, Chelsea,

is in a great movie that's about to come out called Nude Tuesday. Damon is also in the movie. he's a big hollywood actor he's from aussie yeah he's a gem and so i imagine guy that that was probably how you met him that's exactly how i met him uh i visited chelsea on the set of this movie by the way i'm assuming this is going to be out shortly hopefully today yeah if i do my job so the New Tuesday it's premiering at the Sydney Film Festival if you're listening in real time it's premieres on the 10th of June

at the State Theatre in Sydney and then it's playing twice more and then it's being released in New Zealand cinemas but basically look up New Tuesday film and if it's playing there you watch it it's going to be fucking crazy

yeah I've seen it it's awesome but I visited the location where they are filming it's this remote new zealand town called makarora and uh i met him there and you know like some people you are drawn to yeah and i don't really know i need chelsea and a few of our friends are in the movie as well but i didn't really you know there are moments where you don't know anyone around you i wound up talking to this guy for a few just you know he's probably the star of the film yeah he is right and jackie yeah fucking no

one and we wound up talking for hours and i was like this guy and he was asking me questions if you want to be good in conversation just ask a person a couple of questions it makes them feel like a superstar he's truly a delight yeah a really good dude anyway the important thing is that you check out nude tuesday it's the takeaway and that guy recommends television for your hangover uh yeah but i'm an idiot to go hey how about this hi frost men i had a fun twio at family moment yesterday i was driving my wife and my mother-in-law to a local diner hold on my wife yes brother hey also we were on a real Hold on. My wife? Yes, brother.

Hey, also, we were on a real strict timer, but the meeting I had to get to after this just cancelled on me, so things have loosened up. Really? Yep. Damn. I love that. I had a fun family moment yesterday.

I was driving my wife. My wife? And my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law? mother-in-law to a local diner for breakfast we climbed in the car i started the engine my phone synced with the car's audio system and started playing i've been revisiting the emmanuel apps and tim chimed in with a comment about boners i laughed and turned it off very quickly my mother-in-law is a staunch Catholic in her mid-70s. I backed out of the driveway and started on our way. The comedy gods decided to have their fun.

And the podcast began playing again. Those fucking Bluetooth systems in cars make no sense. That is how they work. Decided they're fun and the podcast began playing again unbidden. Guy's voice. Turgid cock.

My in-law sat stone still in her seat staring straight ahead. She was a living statue of profound disapproval. I laughed and explained to her the premise of the podcast. She took a long pause premise of the podcast.

She took a long pause and changed the subject. It was a perfect moment. Thanks for all your work making me laugh and further alienating my humorless mother-in-law your friend Jared. God bless you both, Jared. God bless us everyone. That's so funny.

Dear Timbly Wimbly and the Flash Man, just sending this missive along to you two for the friend zone. I've been a long time listener, having first found you guys through death blight. I've been paying the boys via your Patreon for ages and ages. I am only now writing in because I am almost caught up with the latest Emmanuel season. This was sent on the 16th of November. Legend?

I fell behind on listening to you two for terrible reasons. Back in April, depending on when you read this out, it would... Okay, it's April 2021. I had my car stolen right out of my apartment complex's parking lot. Sorry about that. I had to go somewhere. You cad. Between dealing with the insurance company,

waiting on any possible police update, which ended up never coming, unsurprisingly, and the stress of everything, I let you guys slip through my fingers. Thankfully, however, things have been sorted out, and I purchased a new car about a month after the theft. Thankfully, this was probably the worst thing this was probably the worst thing to happen to me this year of course there have been

ups and downs as there uh as as there would with life but the theft of my car definitely topped worst thing ever so far you boys have been keeping me especially sane lately i hope you keep up the good work. And whatever season six entails, I hope that shit's awesome. Take my name, say my name. Actually, it says take care, say my name. Cassandra Banner.

Pronouns she, her. Thank you, Cassandra Banner. Is Cassandra the name of the love interest in Waynesville Is that your name Can't remember Dreamweaver I listened to an episode of David Spade

And Dana Carvey's new podcast Which is all about behind the scenes stories From Saturday Night Live And they get on Famous Alumni And they had Mike Myers on Oh god how is that really serious guy fuck yeah he trips me out mike myers in any i've seen him on like letterman and and i think it was okay on conan but i've seen him on like a lot of talk show interviews he's a fucking buzzy cat yeah

he's odd and he loves his parents. He does. Talks about them a lot. Yeah, he does. Too much, I would say. Wah. No, seriously. It's not your place to say.

Isn't it? Hello, Tim Possible and Guy Carley. Yeah. Approved. Author after my own heart. I hope this will make it into a friend zone. This part of my message is just for tim i believe guy usually reads twitter dms so just try to think about something else while you read

guy i believe in you okay you're funny but you're a little fuck who you are tim it's a complete travesty that you were robbed of the title of best host of all time i'll be assembling a group of like-minded individuals to storm a government building and correct this injustice. Oh, when was this sent? Saturday. I hear that's a popular tack these days. Wish me luck. Okay, Guy, you're tagged back in now. Oh, you're tagged back in.

Now I need Tim to stick his fingers in his ear and go, nah, nah, nah, because this part's just for Guy. I'm doing it mentally. Hello, Guy. I was truly vindicated by your win in the best host of all time competition. I just wanted to say that it's extremely heartening when the system just works with a capital W. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Okay, Guy, you can tell Tim he's welcome back again.

This part is for both of you. Hey, Guy, what did I miss? I've been listening to you low temp lads roughly eight hours a day since April. Oh, no. And to say I've fallen in love is an understatement. That's crazy because what's beyond falling in love? I listened to every regular episode,

every miniseries, many of the free Patreon episodes, and having originally decided to skip the friend zones, went back and listened to all of them too. It's good. I would argue they're good content decided to skip the friend zones went back and listened to all of them it's good i would argue they're good content i like the friend i think it's a nice you know what you know that's the that's the equivalent of what you'd put on on a hangover the friend zone that's literally yeah that's actually really good you can't focus on like stories and stuff which it fulfills its premise in that with friends say you could have

them talking in the other room and you're like i don't need to hear this whole conversation you go to something in the other room come back they're still nattering away or if you're like really hung over you know i'm flashing back to my mid-20s now just just on the couch while friends around you're like horizontal on the couch you can just kind of zone in and out of convos as you please it's gorgeous can you what's like do you have a memory of you like the most hungover the most sick that you've felt after a night out oh look it's not a proud memory and it's one i've probably shared before but it involved uh doing the 100 club the night before which is just 100 shots of beer or whatever in 100 minutes. Oh, true.

In 100 minutes. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. And waking up the next morning, I'm 20. I'm 20. Just undies, T-shirt, jersey, puffer jacket, hood up, 8.30am, no one's in the house.

Text from the flatmate who I also work with, hey, we had to go to work. You've got to clean the bathroom. Text us when you're on your way. I go downstairs to the downstairs bathroom. I go downstairs to the downstairs bathroom. And I don't know who did it, but there is fecal matter sprayed across the room like someone had thrown their shit in front of a Dyson that was pushing air out of it as fast as it could.

I'm talking behind the shower curtain, little nugget behind the toilet, hand smear on the wall. And as I look at it, I get a memory that the last thing I remember before falling asleep was being in the middle of the toilet, unable to gain my balance with my pants around my ankles just spinning in circles

trying to grab onto anything to support me so that's my shit and I'm feeling physically low but also emotionally pretty low and I had to scrape off some of the poo from a wall with a butter knife I am so

sorry for telling this story. It's humbling, isn't it? It's really humbling. But it's also, there's a time and a place for everything, I believe. And I think being 20 years old is the correct time and place for that to transpire. I think you could probably subtract another 17 from that number

and you'd be about in the ballpark. Good Lord. Do you want to share yours and then I'll finish this message? What do you mean finish this message? Well, the message has got more and I want to know the most hungover you've been. Oh, well, I don't have a great story like you had.

I can only, I've got a very clear memory. I remember the flat I was living in, Shirley Road. You wouldn't, we weren't even, we hadn't even met at this point. This was when I was living with Barnaby in a shoebox in a place that was like Gray Lynn, if you asked the real estate agent, but it wasn't. And yeah, there were mushrooms growing in his bedroom. I remember that because it was so damp in the carpet. Not the good kind. Not the good kind.

Not the good kind. No. It was BZP that did it. So I would have been about 22, I reckon. 22, 23. And it was, I had like just decided that I really wanted to go out the night before. And like, I don't know, everyone was out of town and busy or something. So I was like, I'm just going to fucking go,

which is something I don't really generally do. So I'm just going to go. I'm just going to go to town by myself. And I think I kind of like overcorrected for flying solo. And I bought, how the fuck did I have BCP when I was 22? You bought something called Green gobblers or something yeah i've been trying to think though were they legal then around that area anyway i bought a four pack of whatever i bought and then like had the evening that i had and then woke up in the morning and like

was horrified to find that three of them were gone so i can only assume that i had three of them and just couldn't recall and the only position that i could like even remotely tolerate was um sort of like sort of like um fetal position but not not on my side so i'm leaning on my knees with my forehead against the ground of the bed so i'm just i'm do you know what i'm saying i'm forming sort of like an a frame on top of the bed and felt the worst i've ever felt before or since it was like incredible how bad i've i felt those party pills ma'am they're fucking literally cattle dewormer that they rebranded as a alternative for like un a or something unbelievable we had to outlaw them in New Zealand we had to take medicine

to our own hands but some people got very rich off it good for them it's been a wonderful ride and I'll be sure to hashtag pay the boys soon and or join you

on Substack once I figure out what the deal is with that I'm an old man who only knows Patreon but you fellas aren't worth it anyway I apologise

for the length of this message but when logic dictates that you should either keep things async by choosing between the objectively very funny bit about being two-faced and a heartfelt message you spit in the face of logic and do both say my name even though it isn't my full name chris well chris we made a long message longer didn't we let Let the record show. I loved it. From start to finish.

This is a message to Death Blart. Dear lovable idiots of Death Blart, it is with great respect and admiration that we write this email. You see, in 2002, I drove from Houston to St. Joe, Missouri, while listening to John Mayer's No Such Thing on repeat for 12 plus hours. I then drove from St. Joe to Driggsreeks idaho i'm saying that right listening only to the insufferable complicated by evra levine similarly in 2019 i played monster mash by bobby pickett and the crypt kickers on repeat during the bike portion of a halloween triathlon so obviously when my brother found till Death Threw Us Blart earlier this year I was beyond excited

finally some geniuses with the same sense of humour or sadism or whatever this thing is but we have a bone to pick with you guys you actually love Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, you really really love it but you're afraid to admit it what's up with that?

I'm not afraid to admit it, both Paul Blart Mall Cop movies are incredible perhaps our clock theory explains it all more below but i'm absolutely certain that you guys do indeed love this movie how do i know it's easy if you count all the scenes you guys quote unquote shamefully admit to liking different ones each year throw in the characters you consistently praise sprinkle on a little shadow man and a rotten banana it's basically the entire movie at one point in time one of you has praised every single aspect or scene of the movie maybe not footlocker which is genius by the way or windershins but everything else has been adored by at least one of you at some point

collectively and dare I say individually. You adore this movie. The proof is right on the podcasts. I was going to re-listen to all of your podcasts. To document and organize the vast collection. Of Paul Blartmore Cop 2 compliments. But you know. Life and work and all that.

But. How could I possibly love this movie? How could you possibly love this movie? Well you sorry how could you possibly love this movie well as for me i think it's just a great movie nay a good movie nay a great movie yep i said it but there's also a very important force possibly at work that we will now explain there's so much more guy we traditionally think of the quality of a song or movie or book as existing on a sort of linear scale from really bad on one end to really good on the other. But some works of art can't be explained that way.

Enter the clock theory. The driving force behind most country music success and everything Alan Jackson does. The theory is this. Movies or songs of any kind or any kind of art should actually be judged on a circle or clock, not a line. Imagine the hands of a clock pointing to 12 or 1201 this suggests near perfection in clock theory a masterpiece as the quality of work of art is worse and worse the clock hands spin around at 11 59 it's peak terrible but then an amazing thing happens if the work of art is bad enough the hands keep turning the clock starts over all of a sudden

it flips at 12 o'clock it becomes great again the work of art is so ridiculous that it actually is brilliant an exceptionally bad movie might spin around twice maybe three times alan jackson will certainly spin through an entire calendar year and just one album alone but it doesn't always land terrible in fact its absurdity might turn it into an absolute gem this is the clock theory and this is and this may explain why you love paul blackmore cop 2 as for me pbmc2 never gets one quarter of a rotation but for you guys i think it's done a full turn welcome to the top of the hour gentlemen the water is nice and the bananas are rotten you love this movie and we love your podcasts sincerely the sons of jordan ps 2020s pod didn't

quite make a full turn on the clock you blarded got stuck at 11 59 or so but i guess we deserve that for bringing every episode back binging every episode back to back to back can't wait for Thanksgiving. Wow. Thank you. So it's on the clock theory? It's a very long and pretty strong articulation of, I think, it's just an alternative showing you're working for the fact that we're watching the same movie every year and are trying to find new talking points. It's like two people solving a math equation and their working's different but the result's the same. It's sort of a visual metaphor for it's so bad it's good.

Yes. And I don't disagree with that. But he agrees with it. I said what I said. Is the with it. I said what I said. Is the second part. I said what I said. Dearest him and I, Ayana and Jodie here, longish time listeners, first time friendzone correspondents. We both started this.

Oh, I went too soft. No, I like it. I had to stay in it. We both started listening to the worst idea about a year ago after we polished off Bones of the Heart and needed something to fill the void. We absolutely ripped through season two and of course followed it up with a watch of Sex and the City 2.

The order of events is a bit foggy, but we quickly submerged ourselves in Twilight-related content and ended up jumping all over the fucking place before finally proceeding to Season 3 with arms wide open. To our good friends Tim and Guy, welcome to this place. Yes, I'll show you everything with arms wide open this is the scariest face i've ever seen you make you gotta wonder how many people know that song currently we're deep in the trenches

of season three we'd have surely left the fuck boys behind by now if we hadn't been so lost in the seemingly never-ending pit you boys have created. Do you know, Tim, that is the most accurate summation of, like I feel in terms of accessing the content in an orderly or reasonable manner of trying to be able to traipse through all of the projects and side projects and the entirety of the podcast, I can imagine, I can really empathize and sense the feeling that Jodie has of describing

like being in the middle of season 3 and not quite sure of your bearings describing the walls of content as like making up a fucking bit as well as Ayana having very limited access during her recent 6 month trip to Antarctica

Antarctica? 6 months? How cool is that? having very limited access during her recent six-month trip to Antarctica. Antarctica? Six months. How cool is that? She must be a scientist. If you didn't have it already, add a feather in the shape of Antarctica to that overflowing cap of international listeners. Oh, man.

Surely that's every continent for the boys now. You've got to imagine. Though we haven't finished season three, we watched We Are Your Friends last weekend As neither of us had any fucking idea what actually happened in the movie Jodie still can't work out which pool is supposed to be the looking pool Wait, what was the looking pool? Honestly

Oh, that's right Yeah, yeah, right, right What is the looking pool? The swimming pool Oh, it's a looking pool Yeah, yeah, yeah It's a looking pool It's James Reid's looking pool Yeah, yeah You don't get in the pool Yeah. Oh, it's a looking pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a looking pool. It's James Reid's looking pool.

Yeah, yeah. You don't get in the pool. Yeah, yeah. It's a pool for looking. James Reid of the feelers. Still funny. While we've talked about writing into the friend zone for some time, the event which finally spurred us into action

came in the inspiring form of Jodie's almost four-year-old daughter. A few short days ago, Jodie happened across Alexa singing the acoustic ukulele theme song from the early days of the Friend Zone. We decided it was definitely worth a message in. That is so cute. And if you flick your eyes back up to the greeting, you'll see how she was hearing Tim and Guy. I'm now mashing up this gorgeous message with the earlier one where you said turgid cock to a 70-year-old Catholic woman in a car. And I'm thinking, maybe this content ain't so safe for kids.

No, this is great. This is Alexa singing along. It's the friend zone with him and I. That's so sweet. You haven't lived until you've been graced with the pitchy tones of a small child belting out because making friends is the best idea of all time.

It really makes me think I should be more selective about when I listen, but I probably won't. Over the last 13 months, your tortured souls of past have been with us, lifting our spirits as we trudge through the monotony of everyday life, but also enriching some of the greatest adventures we've embarked upon to date. And for that, we are eternally grateful, with a kiss from us both for a kiss is always a gift, Ayana and Jodie NZ.

P.S. If it's past the 7th of May, Terrifying and happy birthday, Alexa. What a beautiful, and I also think... Sorry we missed it on the day and month. Articulate message. Yeah. God, we've got... Our writers are probably better listeners than we are talkers.

I know. Our writers, our listeners. I think that's absolutely right. And the thought crossed my mind a few messages ago in this very friend zone that, you know, Jesus take the wheel

because you guys are giving us way better content than we are able to produce ourselves. Than we're even bloody capable of. My God, a four-year-old singing our theme song but replacing the words it's goddamn adorable now time for business okay here's what's happened oh fuck can i share the good news am i in trouble no okay the opposite am i um big wigs have decided that Guy Montgomery needs and deserves and shall have his own comedy special hour long. That's right.

And not just some fucking two-bit outfit that you haven't heard of. Paramount, bitches. That's right. Paramount Plus. In parenthesis, AU. Close parenthesis. For now. That's right. It's called a pipeline dude yeah

i'm in the content pipeline me and my jokes and the thing is if you or anyone you know are in melbourne victoria you too can be part of this tiny atom of history uh on monday june 20th i'm doing the show at the Malthouse Theatre and the tickets are free incredible do you know how many seats it is? it's 500

and as we record half of them are already gone sheesh so head along to guymontgomery.co.nz you'll find the link you need

and if you can come along and you'd like to come along because I really don't want to have any fucking seat warmers you know people who are just there because... Dude, if 250 are gone already, then they go on sale today.

Do you know who I... Yes, but do you know who I want to be there? Who? Oh, I see what you're saying. Whoever's listening to this right now, get on guymcgonigal.co.nz and please come along. I'm so excited.

Like, I really am. It's all happened quite quickly. I haven't even had time to truly um embrace what it means you know like this is the thing you want really fucking amazing dude it's amazing i'm not in trouble i really thought i was going to be in trouble and for the listener i mean this is an incredible opportunity what would you give to have been able to see louis ck you know performing his first ever proper film stand-up bill cosby yeah aziz ansari yeah the pantheon of to a lesser extent david chappelle yeah ricky gervais i too will be joining these gentlemen in the esteemed comedy hall of

fame as i make a spotless performance of my latest hour-long show. In all seriousness, please come along if you'd like to. And also, thank you so much

to everyone who has corresponded with us today. I've loved it. I know that there's a bit of a backlog over on Twitter, but we're getting through it.

Of course, there's the emails. Yeah. At TwioAppPod, Twitter and Instagram. The worst idea of all time on Facebook. We love you. We're looking out for you.

And there's going to be more from us soon. The friends are not alone anytime With Tim and Guy