The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 155

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Tim has Hand, Foot and Mouth disease and Guy wants to know all about it! The boiz are also booking front row tickets to attend a particular musical at 2pm during the school holidays so they can have the time of their lives. People in Glasgow have just seen incredible NZ band The Beths (on the lads’ recommendation) and one listener in New Jersey wants to know the origins of Rob Schneider's Netflix title, Asian Momma, Mexican Kids. Tim and Guy also guess where Delaware is and invent a new game, Political Belly Buttons.TWIOAT Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website / SubstackGUY Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / WebsiteTIM Twitter / Instagram / Facebook / Website Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Hello Guy. Hello Tim. How you doing? Look man, I'm actually alright um you know I'm actually pretty good

that's good I think I'm gonna I think I'm gonna go for a run after we talk I need to stretch my I need to use my gams

I need to use my body I need to feel activated but um aside from that my spirit is pretty good how are you

you've had an old fashioned disease yeah not for the first time well how are you you've had an old-fashioned disease yeah not for the first time well the first time i've had this one but i once had scarlet fever which sounds like it shouldn't exist um what is what are the symptoms of that i think you from memory i got a big rash rash and a fever sort of thing and the rash was presumably scarlet yeah yeah it's a fun name for hey you've got a rashy fever it's kind of a like hey you've got a rashy fever but make it pirate you know yeah the pr department over at rashers were working overtime when they came up with scarlet fever certainly were but i tell you what they could have used a little more budgeting or creativity in the naming scheme of the virus

i'm currently battling which is hand foot and mouth disease like come on guys could we do another pass at the name uh that one's i like it it's straight business. It does what it says on the tin. So for the uninitiated, Tim, tell us a little bit about hand, foot, and mouth disease. You're still in your rashy zone. You're in the neighborhood of a rashy, fevery kind of a thing. But I would say, based on my experience, definitely a lot worse than scarlet fever, for example. I'm so sorry to hear that.

It has been something i'm shit oh dude that really sucks it's something traditionally associated with babies that's right i got it off my baby in fact but it's incredibly rare in adults to the point where zoe a doctor was like nah adults don't really get it at all so don't worry about it and lo and behold i got fucked up dude i haven't been able to like really oh wow eat or talk very much this week because i've had bloody mouth sores in addition to like literally boils on my hands it's bad times there sorry for anyone who might be um you know sensitive while listening but hey you think you've got it bad,

I'm living through it. Yeah, and what percentage healed do you think you are? I reckon right now I'm at like 80. Yeah, I'd call it 80. Well, I'll call it 75. I'm still visibly pretty

fucked up, but I feel a lot better than I have all week, I've been on painkillers like the whole week we're recording this remotely and you're in a darkened room, you look like as you said, you're being interviewed anonymously to talk about you're under witness protection, but you look handsome

to me, as always that's very sweet, there's a lot of less definition that you can see in the webcam so I'm going to put it down to that. Now, Guy, to business, we're actually in the middle of booking tickets for an event that you and I will be attending shortly because we're sort of, while it has been a lot of fun, a lot of creativity and a lot of work getting through all of these killioneers,

you know, there's other business that has been falling by the wayside namely watching the movies that our substack community at twiwet.substack.com command us to watch and we've been on a shrek journey and yeah you you i suppose and now me as we've dealt with the shreks i'm familiar with, are educating yourself in the universe of Shrek, or I suppose you could say the Shrekiverse. And one of the great benefits of living in a thriving cultural metropolis such as Tamaki Makoto is, well, you get a lot of incredible live events passing through town. Well, you get a lot of incredible live events passing through town. Just this weekend gone by, I was at a phenomenal live sports event with roughly 50,000 other New Zealanders, and it was a very galvanizing sort of experience.

It gave me a great sense of community, and it makes you feel like you're a part of something bigger. And these events aren't limited to the athletics field. You have musical concerts, you know, stand-up comedy performances from time to time, plays. And sometimes a production so ambitious, so born of pure creativity, will come onto the scene, which will incorporate elements of comedy, elements of music, and elements of dramatic performance. And sometimes these performances will be built around the story of Shrek.

We're seeing Shrek the musical, everyone. It's in Auckland. That's right, yes. Sorry, guys. We're going to go see Shrek the musical. No, no, no. I mean, I left a big pause there i thought you might tag in and you did and you really cut you cut to the chase yeah uh i did see um

this was prompted did you know it was in town yeah there's been some very very scary looking billboards that i've come across while going through the cbd They are terrifying. Yeah. I saw a video of the person playing Shrek on the project, on like a current events show here in New Zealand. And that's a show I've been trying to get booked on for years, and it simply will not happen. So obviously, first of all, I was pissed off.

And second of all, I thought, I guess that's what I thought shrek would look like it's almost there's a repeat of there's a repeat of the spongebob the musical experience although it's probably less intense where do you remember when we went to that and um i think we were both surprised that spongebob was played by a person and yes punch yeah absolutely that might also be tethered to the mushrooms we were on but like being genuinely surprised that these cartoon characters were being played by people yeah no that we i think we were well within our rights inebriated or otherwise to have an expectation of like

more costume than there was because it was just a man dressed like spongebob who could talk like him and i kind of now seeing some of the press materials for shrek the musical i'm like maybe i now understand why that's the right way to go and maybe that is something that shrek should have adopted because he did like from memory of the billboard there's a sort of facial prosthetics right but it falls into like a bit of an uncanny valley where it's it's not shrek but it's neither a man what yeah it's not it's not not shrek like but it doesn't feel like a professional theater's version of shrek it's like it's like you're buying the backpack but it's three dollars because it's unlicensed and it looks enough like shrek but it's spelt s-h-r-e-m-k or it's like it's spelt s-h-r-e and then a little l and then like a v on its side

that it's sort of close enough together it looks like a k it's actually Shrelve anyway as we pursue you know for the completionists and us and all of you as we pursue the totality of Shrek we will be watching I believe Shrek the third is still going and

on a 2pm matinee on a I think a Friday we're talking school holidays we're talking prime time we're talking the only two adults in the building without children we will be in attendance at Trek

so I wanted to save this full conversation for the friend zone but I'm booking tickets where should we sit? are we thinking the stores? it's in a big theater right near the stage the how big is the kiri takanawa theater it doesn't look massive it's i think it's above 2000 oh wow that is so big okay okay i think i mean it looks like there's seating available for row b which i've got to assume is right near the front should we repeat our antics from spongebob where we did sit in the

front row i think so oh yeah i'm doing it two adults pretty uneasy road b stores get tickets now let's see what exciting different in america because fees they add why just going straight for the front row have you what why is it different in america just because i feel like um you know i it just feels like we can be more free with our idiocy in america because in new zealand i feel like i'm taking a child's seats yep specifically seats 37 and 8 okay well you're the man who's typing in the things on the computer and i'm the man who's girding his loins to sit in b38

i've got to figure out if um i've got a ticket master logger but the good news is the ticket fees not very much which is quite surprising that's a rarity these days it's not well that's exciting so that's exciting for us and of course um we will be documenting our experience in some shape or form so hopefully it's also exciting for you but in the interim why don't i click on over to our friends at the worst idea of all time facebook page and see what we've got here yes please I'm resetting my password guy so I can buy the tickets you see

guys buying for time tim also buying for time i might i i just needed i know that you're preoccupied and so it's probably not the time to ask but let me know if this sounds familiar dear tim prof comedy and a real stand-up guy. Hello from New Jersey. Sounds new so far. I'm currently writing to you from a hospital bed. Turns out that in real life if you get bitten by a spider, you can end up with an infection. I reckon I'd remember this.

Yeah. And in America, giant medical bills. And not, as I was promised by comics, superpowers and a penchant for spandex. That's all new. I'm writing because in my recovery I've officially caught up.

I began listening to the pod after seeing Guy on Taskmaster NZ and I just had to hear more from him. Fortunately, I quickly found the worst idea and deathblart and was introduced to old Timbly Wimbly.

I began to listen to the pod religiously while I worked and your Patty Schwartz party times, where's he going, what's he off to, and all of your bits have gotten me through countless hours of formatting boring spreadsheets over the last eight months. I loved listening to the back and forth about the pronunciation of rally. I think that's right. And even some of Guy guys more cancelable takes like being pro-covid19 and now as i've finished listening to every episode in the feed you've gotten me through my stay at the hospital i only wish i could have found the pod sooner

guy and i lived in brooklyn at the same time and i would have loved to have seen him perform i have a question for guy i'm having a hard time passing the title of rob schneider's smash hit 2020 comedy special asian mom of mexican kids could you explain it to me thanks um i'll just pause here to address that because it is a good question uh tim do you want to have a stab at it first or should i dive right in i want no part in this i including listening to it i'm considering muting you for like just taking a guess at about 40 seconds okay are you gonna mute me or you're not gonna just might i don't know i might take my headphones off i don't know see i'm booking these tickets um i mean first of all it's a it's a great special and um i think the sticking point for a lot of us

will be the memory of seeing Rob Schneider and his daughter, whose name currently escapes me, performing the beautiful Roy Orbison song in duet at the conclusion. But, I mean, there are a myriad of other highlights. duet at the conclusion but i mean you know there are myriad other highlights and um you know as comedy's taken a turn for the more personal and comedians have to open up about vulnerabilities on stage and they sort of want to discuss about the the things that make them who they are a lot of the time that will involve uh peeling back the the layers if i could borrow a phrase from the shrek film to to sort of unearth the essence of

that person. And so for Rob, that probably, arguably, I would say comes through in the Asian mama of the title, because Rob's mama is Asian. She has Asian heritage. And so too does Rob. heritage and so too does rob um but as we all know we are so much more than just the the progeny of our parents and in many ways i suppose through young adulthood and teenage dim into um you know our 20s and 30s we make decisions that probably do as much if not more to define who we are and the sort of person we want to be and how we want to live in the world. And a lot of those are personal choices, you know, your livelihood, perhaps some moral stances that you stake out for yourself, some, you know, fundamental concepts of what you want to define, who you are as a person.

And oftentimes through this long and winding road we call life, we might find a partner, someone with whom we want to unify and spend the rest of our days and years as a sort of a soulmate or perhaps even teammate. And for Rob, it just so happens that the person he has found to be his life partner is, I believe mexican does that sound right tim yeah mexican yeah yeah and so um he's got the asian mama

and now he's also he's got his beautiful wife who happens to be mexican and um i suppose it's a decision that they might have discussed it before they got married or or maybe you know it happened by circumstance and they realized this was a journey that they wanted to embark on together but rob and his wife have now um well they've got children they have two of them and naturally uh those those children um are me are part mexican they are mexican children and so you know i suppose the special and this is what's so clever about the title encompasses the whole journey from his asian mama through to the the people in the same way that, you know, and he's not talking about the daughter with whom he performed a duet.

I'm assuming she's from a previous relationship. But the children to whom he is referring in the title and who he discusses in the special, actually, they're the titular Mexican kids. So he's got the Asian mama and he's got the Mexican kids. And it's a great title because it really, it is like a microcosm

of the journey that Rob takes you on throughout the hour or the 45 minute runtime. And he also wheels out a japanese guy to play piano um for reasons that continue to escape me i'm pretty impressed at how much you managed to wring out of that that dishcloth well done i'll just finish off the message here so it says sorry tim but guy making you angry when he explains that title or questions whether

or not Ziccoli and Somaly had sex is my comedy kryptonite your reaction and guy's persistence kill me every time I'm worried this email was too guy centric so I wanted to say that you Tim are hilarious humble and hard-working and I respect the hell out of both of you you're brave boys you're frosty fellas you're alter Aotearoan audio nauts. And I'm grateful for all you do. Say my name, even if it isn't, Will. And Will, as many of our writers will be pleased to hear and might have found themselves,

was fortunate enough to receive an auto-response that Facebook has been forcing upon the fan pages, which says, Hi, thanks for contacting us. We've received your message and appreciate your getting in touch. I don't, I don't want our Facebook doing that. Joseph Moore,

friend of the podcast and one of the walkout boys sent me a message, which he accidentally sent to my Facebook fan page on Saturday night just to make some joke. And he got back a message from me and he was so upset fair enough i'm thinking about incorporating that message into just more texts and uh general sort of um correspondence i fucking hate that man all these all these uh these platforms they assume that they can come up with a one-size-fits-all response like we're some sort of brand selling shoes or something but we're not we're guy and tim

we're tim and guy altiero's audio noughts we got a different vibe going we don't say thank you for contacting us it's not how we talk i just gotta say i know that i sounded pretty confident but i'm just gonna look up if i see if i can find an interview with um rob schneider about the title of that special because i would hate to have gotten anything wrong okay that sounds good in the meanwhile i would like to thank connie for sending us 20 bucks in march and i would like to thank damien for sending us 40 bucks via paypal uh in march with a message that says hey boys i'm just watching guy lose his mind on his second solo watch of sex in the city too this man is unwell here's some money to make his French fry dreams come true. The more I think about that little episode,

the meaner I feel in retrospect for any contributing part, which was most of it, of putting you in that position. Guy's still looking for the interview, everyone jim rat and why pod in a tree the completionist i am finally caught up on the pod after being subscribed for almost two years i'm subbed to way too many pods but better late than never and wanted to mark our accomplishment with some correspondence i was wondering where you guys stand on an age-old X-Men rivalry. Which actor existing in a film flop is worse slash more disappointing, etc.? Patrick Stewart as Poop Emoji or Ian McKellen as Gus in Cats?

I think Cats had the potential to be terrible since it's a classic Broadway play, whereas the moment Emoji Movie was pitched, everyone expected the worse. So maybe Sir Pat is worse for trying to get a quick check more than Sir Ian was for hoping to do an art. This isn't to admonish either, because of course, hashtag pay the boys extends from our tim and guys to our big name actors to our soon-to-be trillionaires say my name correctly i recommend sounding the last name out michael mitts dartha from delaware united states of america ps should tj miller and james corden be the next Professor X do or don't read this whatever I only included

my location to see if your US geography is better than the Americans who have asked what state is that in since you guys are sometimes smart lads sorry for the impromptu game of are you smarter than some Americans Delaware I don't know what state Delaware is in actually off the top of my head

Delaware is a state oh yeah that's why i'm fairly certain it's it's an east it's an east coast state but i couldn't tell you a lot more about i think it's underneath like new the new york new jersey's of the world it's not i thought it was a little bit in a little bit of an any because biden was the senator from delaware if i remember correctly and it's where all of the corporations are based because they don't have any tax there they have like corporate tax i see does biden have any vibes like oh he's got any does he have any vibes do you um do you okay this is a fun game yep it's called politicians belly buttons joe biden any emmanuel macron any Emmanuel Macron. Any. Donald Trump. Audi. Boris Johnson.

Audi. Margaret Thatcher. Any. Angela Merkel. Hmm. I don't think she's got one. I think Angela Merkel was made in a test tube she had no need she was constructed by swiss geneticists to be the consummate um conciliatory and you know states craft expert politician to govern deutschland for decades and if we play to them they pulled it off

the rock the rock is one of those dudes who's got an innie but it's so fucking muscular it sort of looks like an audi now like his he put too many abs underneath and he pushed it out. Exactly. Exactly. I'm having a bit of trouble locating this Rob Schneider interview. That's fine. Let me throw some at you. Tony Abbott. Oh, Audi.

Jacinda Ardern. Annie. George Washington. I feel like a lot of the boys back then had outies i don't know why yeah i know what you mean it's like any is a recent fashion result yeah and he's like a and he's like a cosmetic you know horseshit beauty standards thing yeah and he's and he's a silly but he's a modern i have found a list of on cbr.com of the 10 worst netflix stand-up specials published in april 2022 go on rob schneider comes in at number five who beats him actually this seems incredibly mean-spirited let us um just keep our gaze at

schneider shall we number one and we should watch this actually okay jeff jeff foxworthy number one man if you're really if you're hey listen if you're... Hey, listen. If you're releasing a Netflix special and you get voted number one worst in 2022, you might just be a redneck. Well, look, I haven't found anything to counter what I said about this special title, so I'm going to assume that I was right. And Rob, if you're listening and you've got anything else to add, please reach out.

I really want to watch Chief Foxworthy's special now. What more does he have to say? You know? I've watched the start of it with Joseph Moore once. How was the start of it with Joseph Moore once. How was the start? Really, like, impressively bad. Memorably, not memorably, like, memorably bad in form more than content.

Ah, interesting. The incredible thing about Jeff Foxworthy is his, like, source material hasn't changed. Really? And he's not wrong. Sometimes women do be like this and men do be like that. But I think the one thing we can all agree on is that our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is not to be trifled with on a stage. Absolutely.

Or anywhere else. God damn, my computer's making a lot of noise. I'm closing a lot of tabs here. What comedian donates to the presidential campaign of George W. Bush? Jeff Foxworthy is the answer to that question. No one outie belly button have a... Legend. answer to that question no one outie belly button have a legend oh man now i'm just honest with you i'm just on jeff foxworthy's wikipedia page to be honest with

you 1996 is funniest comedy duos wait that's the name of oh okay that's the name of... Oh, okay, that's the name of a TV show. I'm on his filmography. Yeah, Jay Leno and him. I'll bet they get on. He was on an episode of Jay Leno's Garage. What do you think G Foxworthy drives? Probably like a fucking Dodge or something, eh? Big Dodge Ram. I'd say probably his wife up the wall. Susan Wright. say Timbo,

head to Stop the Pod and write in about Stanford. This came to us in January, guy. I'm not sure why I've gone from March to January, but that's just how it's happened today. I can't find the article about it, but apparently MPK does a director's podcast for each episode. And for this latest episode with Stanford Goes to Japan, they had a whole sweet goodbye episode written for his character

later in the season, but he got too sick to shoot it and died soon afterwards, so they had to retcon it in later. I'm not sure. I'm not one to stick up for MPK, but I wanted to share that they didn't do Stanford Dirty on purpose. Thanks for all the unhinged podcasts over the years. Susan, that is heartbreaking to hear, really.

That there was a true intention to send our boy off correctly. That just couldn't come to pass. I'd like to add, Guy, that I'm going to forge you some messages to read. I've got one here from the Twitter DMs while you

do that. Oh, cool, man. Hello, Frosty fellas. Greetings from Glasgow. This evening I've attended the gig of a band I first heard of through your good selves. Holy shit. I understand that your

adoration of the Beths runs deep, as it should. They're top class, 10 out of 10 good guys. I'm grateful to all Tims and guys for the introduction. They put on a stellar gig, but this isn't an advert for their ongoing European tour, which you should absolutely get tickets for if you can, but more a message of thanks for you good, good boys for spreading good bands to the world. Please say hello to roz abie malcolm

and johnny whom i've introduced to your mad antics over the last few years and say my motherfucking name peace and also love chrissy xo xo that rocks the day before i succumbed to this illness so last monday I actually had a big day long extended hang with Liz and John from the band with our friends Callum and Annabelle and we played a lot of Gran Turismo

I need to know did you have any laughs? We shared a few laughs, laughs we had we had some laughs, we had some pies we had some chippies it was a good time um did you say anything funny oh i don't know man hope so i really hope so i can't remember i'm gonna assume i did you know you across the the course of the duration of the hang i reckon i got one in there i reckon you did too tom tom

have you seen top tom tom gun maverick i nope are you okay yeah i'm good i really want to see it i think yeah we should we should see that um how do we this is the thing though guy like how do we go and see movie do you know okay here's a little peek behind the curtain. Oh, here's some stuff you don't even know about, Guy, but I've been having some big chats with our friends Tom and Barnaby and AJ bringing together a whole bunch of things that are hopefully about to sort of happen regarding Worst Idea. And we've got – we've said that we've got another season, eh,

after Killing Your Raps? We've teased, yeah. Yeah. and we've got if we we've said that we've got another season a after killing your raps we've we've teased yeah yeah look we're not going anywhere we're not doing what we did for multiple seasons said this we were wrapping it up no we're under no such illusions we're not going anywhere we got to get to the the decade which we're not far off now We've got to get to 10 years of Twio at a minimum. 10's a nice round number. Isn't it? I like the sentiment all the way up to at a minimum. Where was I going with that?

You were talking to your boys about some stuff that's going to happen. Yeah, what were we talking about before that? Oh man, totally lost the thread oh that doesn't happen that often but yeah i was just saying um that it's not just a title it's also an encapsulation of oh yeah you go no sorry keep talking i just want to whisper top gun in your ear well i'm just saying it's not just a title it's an encapsulation of the sort of material and emotional terrain that rob traverses across the 45 minutes and you might think 45 minutes is too long for a special but the brisk runtime actually goes a long way to heightening the comedic experience and he packs a lot of emotional heft into a runtime that, I don't know,

a lot of other comedians wouldn't be able to. Some of them are releasing 70 to 80 minute specials where they don't really get any headway into any topics. But Rob's not afraid to look at society as it is today and call it how he sees it. And if he wraps that up in a funny voice here or there, so be it. and if he wraps that up in a funny voice here or there, so be it I thought you'd seen Top Gun actually I thought you'd already been to it

but you'd obviously you've seen some other movies but not Top Gun it'd be quite cool to carve out an evening and go to Top Gun with you guy I know, are you healthy enough to leave the house? yeah, I don't think this is actually that contagious like you i got it from remy because obviously i'm you know around him a lot but uh yeah yeah my main thing is i didn't really want to show my face in public because even now as you can see guy the lighting's a better. I'm still a little bit messed up. But you want to see my hand?

Look at that. Look at that fucking thing. Oh, my God. Yeah, gross, eh? So I'd rather get, you know, tickety-boo before I start living that. Oh, I've got a bunch of gigs this week. So I don't know how that's going to go. Anyway, let's go to Top Gun.

I was going to suggest tonight. Oh, man, tasty. Well, we'll deal with this off the pod i reckon it feels like we're done with the friend zone um but thanks everyone for listening for supporting us uh for i hope you're enjoying calion here at the moment we uh i think we've devised a way that we're going to kind of get to the bottom of the end of it and it's going to involve a bit of a head-to-head with two finalists from the winner's circle and you our dear listener are going to be instrumental in certain components of that which will clarify soon you will help choose our finalists and we will record one final kill you near once we find

the finalist side to anoint a winner and um tim and i've been brainstorming their prize and let's just say uh it both helps line the pockets of the great jeff bezos and all going well risks the life of the winner so uh there's a lot to look forward to there, everything to play for. Do you know? And I'd just like to say to you, Tim, I love you. I love you too, man.

Maybe this is too much to tack on at the end, but in an ideal world, I've been learning a bit about a computer program called Aladdin that's run by the biggest fund manager in the world called BlackRock, which essentially own like 30% of the planet at this point.

And they've got this AI, this 30-year year old AI called Aladdin that is basically making all their trades for them and so I guess I'm just saying if anyone's got access to Aladdin and if we could put our two winners against it

and we got Aladdin to pick our winner, that feels befitting that would feel cool as hell don't know if it works like that but time will tell hit us up on that note Killian here coming out

soon we've got a few more of those to go then we're going to pick a winner and then a new exciting season of the worst idea of all time Classico style might I say this vroom vroom we'll see you soon of the worst idea of all time, Classico style. Might I say this? Vroom, vroom, we'll see you soon. In the friend zone, we're always home

In the friend zone, you're not alone Anytime with Tim and Guy