The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 74

Episode Date: September 12, 2018

Time to find out what happened to Monty's teeth! Let us also band together in defence of Jonathan Lipnicki. We've got mail from 30,000 feet in the air, mail from partners and Tumblr enthusiasts. Enjoy. Guy's Shows in NYC: September 15 and September 18 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the friend zone. Probably not your first time here, we've done 70 something of these episodes, maybe, maybe 78. Maybe. Don't know. Hey, Guy. Hiya, Tim. I also don't know.

I don't keep a tally of, you know, the number of friends I have or the number of times we've spent together. I just live my life securing the knowledge I have a great foundation of companions. And, you know, I've got a good life. I'm lucky. I'm a lucky man. You've got a good thing going on.

Yeah. Good on you, guy. God bless you. How are you, Tim? I'm so good. Thank you for asking. What's going on in your world? good thank you for asking um what what's going on in your world oh it's a it's a it's kind of a gray little day in auckland city new zealand where i am yeah um in terms of what's happening

i don't know not a whole lot to report at the moment i don't think um we've recently watched a fantastic piece of cinema called love on a Leash, which is open to all our Patreon supporters, giving five buckaroos a month or more. What a watch that was, eh? Not everyone's going to be on the Patreon who's listening to these, and that's fair enough, you know. But I'll say to you the same thing I did say on that episode, which is watch the movie.

It's available in its entirety for free on YouTube, and it is out of this world uh top to bottom front to back it's unlike anything else you're going to see watch it if only for the sound mix which is yeah uh i would euphemistically describe as being on the fucking turps mate uh you're going to think that there's something wrong with your speaker system or headphones when you watch it. There isn't. That's just how they made that film. They're punking you.

They love to prank. They love to punk. I've got a few messages here, Tim. Guy, I would be delighted to hear from our friends. Well, this one reads as follows hey tim and him and guy guy ermo del comido i was just wondering if you to have heard of anyone doing a podcast called the versed idea of all time wherein hosts taste test a different sausage every week for a year my girlfriend and i have been tossing that idea around since i bought it up trying to get her

into my strange addiction to your content she loves food so so on comedy if this hasn't been done yet i'd honestly be shocked and would love your blessing in trying out the podcast idea also i just feel insanely awesome if the magnificent timboreen and man alejandro saskatchewan montgomery would endorse my terrible idea that's sure to taste amazing. I'm taking a trip to Europe with her soon, so I feel that would be a great time to start. Love you boys. You're brave boys. And you sacrificed three assuredly painful years of your precious little time on this rock for us, the lonely listeners. What you've done is truly admirable. You're such good boys.

Please say my name on the potty. I learned that word from you great educators. If you so choose to read this on a friend zone, Eric Martin. P.S. I'm broke because of the aforementioned trip to Europe, but I'll try to give you brave boys some cashish when I return. Eric, do not worry about giving us any cashish. You enjoy your trip to Europe,

and one of the ways I'd love for you to enjoy it is by throwing back some fucking snarlers with your delightful girlfriend and talking about them on a week-by-week basis. Yeah, I'm with you. The universality of the idea is such that I'm shocked no one has yet made a show by that name. But that's all yours, friend.

You get out there with your gorgeous partner and chuck some bangers in your mouth and talk about it i want the versed idea of all time in my ear holes yeah i remember when i was a boy uh sometimes when i'd be on my way home uh i'd go past a butcher called uh the versed butcher um and i thinking, that's an odd name for a butcher to say that they're the worst. And then also to misspell it. Well, my God, it's a miracle they're in business at all. But my wonderful mother said, no, Guy, it's wordplay. Because Wurst is German for sausage.

I'll bet that would have tickled a young guy Montgomery Pink. Pink is a snarler, uncooked in the sun. Oh, it's going to go off. Unless you fucking put that in the fridge. You can't leave raw meat in the sun, eh don't go off though they're they're not you know they're good they're good they're fine for a extended period no they're not i don't know what it is about a sausage maybe it's the protective casing but they're fine for a while i think this the sausages you're thinking of i think what makes them fine for a while i think this the sausages you're thinking of i think

what makes them fine for a while is that what you're you're not eating meat like it's very difficult for awful to go off but even the stuff that's not you know high quality uh like a venison sausage you can keep that around for a while it's not going to do you any harm sitting on the bench for a bit just oh look no you're talking about leaving it out in the sun but you are you're gonna get in trouble don't do it um anyway eric have a safe trip enjoy your trip and uh please eat some sausages and record you know some anecdotal evidence to share with all of us. I would love that.

I would really love that. Dear Tim and Guy, first of all, I'd like to congratulate Tim on his wedding. I'd also like to congratulate Guy on his move to America, which in... God damn it. My headphones turned off for a second there. I'm just turning them back on so that Guy can hear me

because it's like a headset situation. I'm just turning them back on so that Guy can hear me because it's like a headset situation. And hopefully I am back with Guy Montgomery now. I'd also like to congratulate Guy on his move to America, which in many ways is just as intense and stressful as I imagined planning a wedding might be. You boys are my first podcast and have been a great source of comfort for me

throughout the many years I've been listening. And I suspect will be for many years to come, especially as season one is going back up soon. So it's really great to know there are positive events happening in your lives and it is a great source of joy. A few episodes before the final episode of season three, I became so overwhelmed by sadness

that I put off listening to the podcast for months. Imagine my surprise when I picked it back up again, and not only were you still doing friendzones, but you were posting old Patreon content. I binged this, of course, only to discover that you had started a new podcast, which I soon binged as well, and the result is as follows. You two are funny, funny boys, and certainly braver than I, because I tried to watch an episode of Real Rob to see the terrible editing and cinematography, and, well, terrible everything you were talking about i could barely make it halfway through the first episode you were right there is nothing good in that show i also undertook

something that has been haunting me since season two five hour energy which i finally listened to over the course of three days i forgot about that that. Five Hour Energy was, what was it, three watches or two watches of Grown Ups 2? No, it was two watches of Sex and the City 2. Yeah. Two director's commentaries, back to back. One by us and one by Michael and Patrick King. This is incredibly belated, but you poor beautiful boys,

listening to that episode was something akin to being haunted by spirits who've been trapped in a cursed mirror for hundreds of years. And I'm not entirely convinced that some part of you boys isn't trapped in that episode, desperately trying to ask anyone who listens to set their souls free. Well, I just need to let you good, good boys know how much I love you, which is a lot, and how excited I am for the rest of Over and undercooked which is a lot and the next episode of death

blood which is a lot and i hope the two of you are having a great week month year whatever love and say my name if you want zoe ps don't know if this is relevant but i grabbed a couple urls on tumblr so what what's always done is she's taken the liberty of nabbing at Guy Mont Comedy at the worst idea of all time and at Underlooked and Overcooked just for us, Guy. I mean Overlooked and Undercooked, sorry. She got it right, I got it wrong. How good is that? That is very generous.

That's the sort of, you know, that sounds almost like a business person who's trying to take advantage of us, you know, being asleep at the wheel. So he's also got a PPS directed solely at you, Mr. Montgomery. Guy, it's been a while since you started posting this Instagram story, but it's haunted me ever since, and I've got to know why. Why on earth did you use, like, five stories to talk about having real teeth

and saying stuff like, and everyone saying my teeth aren't real it was so funny but it was also surreal and i'm worried i entered the twilight zone and maybe it didn't happen i don't watch your instagram stories i don't know this this little uh uh no there was a time when i got my wisdom teeth taken out when i sort sort of just, I sort of just bedridden for a few days. And so I started trying to create content with my teeth. And the sort of the tone or tack I took was, you know, I think a few people were like,

those aren't your teeth. And then I just decided to become quite defensive. I'm actually pretty sure now that you bring them up that I've got them here in New York because they were at the bottom of my sponge bag. If you just wait there, Tim, I'm just going to go and have a quick look. Oh, God.

Zoe, what have you done? I'm not into this. I would move on to another letter, but I feel like it's... Oh, wait, Guy's got Bluetooth headphones on. He can still hear me. Dear Spinley, Timbly, Wimbly, who can't go outside when it's windy,

and Mr. Mr. Montgomery, long-time listener, first-time caller, I wanted to reach out to give you brave boys the friendliest of hellos. It took me just over a year, but I recently finished listening to your silky smooth Kiwi accents crawl all up in my brain for three fantastic seasons of the worst idea of all time. And may I say, bravo Tim and Guy for having the courage to do what absolutely no one asked for. I can say without doubt that your podcast was the funniest and most entertaining podcast series I've ever listened to.

Oh, I thank you. Full disclosure, it's the only podcast I've ever listened to. Fuck, that is too much. I don't like that at all, Guy. Zoe, I've got my teeth with me oh sorry as you were can you get rid of them because as long as i know that you've got them i'll be upset do you know i was told by my dentist the last thing i said when i was uh becoming unconscious to have them ripped out what they said uh what do you want us to do with your teeth?

And I said, those are my bodily... I was like, I'll be leaving this practice with all of my bodily possessions, thank you. That was the last thing I said. Quite intimidating. Quite a position of authority to put yourself in as you're under the heavy influence of anesthetic i like that you do not seed an inch guy even at your weakest that's right i'm you're right that i could hear that letter so please continue but you kept me on board for over 150 episodes and

70 friend zones so we can all chalk that chalk that i spelled as chalk which i like that up to a win i will ever so briefly get sentimental and congratulate you on the community that you have brought together with this insane idea i hope you never forget the impact you have had in some of your listeners lives who have shared their struggles through the friend zone highlighting your importance in providing a shining light through some hard times i'll pause in the letter to say absolutely i will I will never, ever forget those things. I admit that my listening was purely for entertainment, but hearing about those who have been helped by this podcast,

I hope you realize that you've actually made a positive impact on the world. And isn't that what we all want to do before we check out? Couldn't agree more. The reason I'm writing is because I had a profound experience the other day that was indirectly your fault. I'm an airline pilot based in Chicago. And your podcast was my preferred listening on my drive to the airport

and walks around the cities that I have layovers in. And occasionally, if the guy I was flying with wasn't much of a talker at 35,000 feet. Oh, I see. Right. He would chuck it. I see. He'd listen to the podcast up in the air that's cool anyway recently i was working a flight from chicago to a small town in the great state of north carolina known as raleigh ever heard of it as i'm supposed to before landing i made my

announcement to say adios to the good people on board and so it went ladies and gentlemen we've begun our initial descent into rally oh no i thought you beautiful kiwi boys have invaded and taken over my brain i'm an american i know it's rawly like on each step with peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner.

Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton dot C-A slash running. Trolley. I'm intentionally being obstinate. But the damage was done. So I mustered up my best Kiwi accent and finished my announcement by making sure that every chance I had, it would be pronounced rally. Well, about 20 minutes later, we arrived at the gate and I stood up to say goodbye to the passengers as they disembarked

and one came up to me and said, you know it's pronounced trolley with an O, right? I refused to back down to this fucking moron and gave him my best death stare while I whispered back, you're just another victim of the conspiracy. Taking it back, he stared at me as if i was on drugs for a few seconds i thought i'd won this pissing match of right versus wrong good versus evil light versus dark until my co-pilot turned to me around to suggest

that maybe i stop addressing passengers when we come to raleigh from now on fair enough but just know that despite this suggestion my convictions remain strong and i fight on the winning side of rally north carolina ah shit boys this message has gone on too long so i shall close i'm not sure if you heroes still plan on doing more friend zones but regardless if this is ever read aloud feel free to say my name only if you could pronounce it sincerely ryan long boy isn't that a challenge and ryan is chucking a cool 50 dollars of cold hard electronic american cash through the website as a thanks for the hours of entertainment oh that was that was such a good letter holy shit uh thank you so much ryan i'm really happy to hear uh

all of the details of that anecdote and story uh keep fighting a good fight struck a fantastic tone between sort of uh sentimentality and also uh pure absurd comedy so So my thanks to you. Now, I've got one here for you. Hey, boys. The subject of this, by the way, is re-Lost in Space ep, a trivial tidbit about Jonathan Lipnicki's haircut. This is a subject line anyone would be grateful to find in their inbox one Monday morning. Hey boys! Just

listening to the Lost in Space episode and as directed toward the end of the episode, I looked up that wiki photo of John Lipnicki. Upon seeing that infamous hairstyle of yore, I was reminded that as this look began to pop up in the early aughts, my then girlfriend, now fiancé, began referring

to this greasy mop helmet as a schmelby and the individuals who wore them as schmelbies. Not sure how the word came about or why it was associated with this specifically, but it stuck. In the rare instances in which we encounter this style or some evolution of it, in our contemporary existence,

we feel compelled to comment. And so, after having it-up in the episode i felt compelled to share this inane piece of my life with you good boys keep hooping it up max max we will keep hooping it up it's fucking dope what is it again a sh shmelby shmelby it is a nightmare if anyone wants to um check on his wikipedia page john look i'm just gonna get a jonathan lipnicki i'm just gonna get a refresher course myself it's no good oh yeah fuck i forgot yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a hell of a do. Oh, it's so tough to look at. This guy's hot now. Can we...

I've never changed a wiki page before, but someone's got to update that poor kid's bio. The whole point of Wikipedia is supposed to be that it's, you know, open for everyone to be able to update when there's incorrect information there. And poor Jonathan's page has got incorrect information, which is that he's not being reflected as hot as he is.

The people got to know. According to the website CelebrityNetWorth.com, Jonathan Lipnicki has a net worth of $5 million. Not shabby. Not shabby at all. it's more than we'll ever have uh i i have i don't want that i don't want that kind of money you got no okay for it well i'll say it i kind of do you can be dope get it You can have it. It'd be dope.

Go get it. Dearest Timbo and Flash. Oh, a letter. Yeah. Is this the last one? No. Well, I don't have any more, but you go for gold. Yeah.

Dearest Timbo and Flash, I've been re-listening to the potty and came across your rant against Fahrenheit units in Season 3, Episode 13. I know we seem silly to the rest of the world for using a system with 32 and 212 as the freezing and boiling points of water, but I'm here to defend Fahrenheit as the superior system. I don't think we need to read the rest of this.

No, go on, Guy. We need to strongman the argument so we can definitively check which measure of unit unit of measure is best see i'm not water i'm american that was channeling zikoli is the instruction for that i'm not strong start to the argument i really like where his head's at i'm american i very rarely care about what water's up to, but 0 to 100 Fahrenheit is the perfect range to represent every outdoor temp. It even breaks down nicely into quadrants. 25 is a perfect snowy day. 50 is a perfect autumn day. 75, a perfect summer day. So centigrade might be good

for water science, but I'll stick with Fahrenheit for my everyday needs. I'm curious if Guy sees Fahrenheit more favorably since moving to the States. Favorably spelled F-A-V-O-R-A-B-L-Y. Put a U in there, mate. Say my name if this gets on the friend zone. Joel Kuhn. Well, Joel, I will say this to you. Your argument, which I was pretty much against from the get-go, is actually pretty sound um fucking all credit to you i still disagree but i mean i can't argue with you know i it is for

a strong case yeah you've made me see fahrenheit in a different light which is that it's created for the layman this is the people's temperature gauge celsius is for the nerds you know what's good about fahrenheit is it's uh it's also quite good for the human body because isn't 37 is like a normal bodily temperature in centigrade for a human and isn't that about a hundo in fahrenheit or is a hundred a fever uh the right body temperature well i just looked up what's the right body temperature and the return was what is the right body temperature for a newborn baby so for all of you who are curious according to the american academy of pediatrics a normal body temperature for a healthy baby is between 97 and 100.3 degrees fahrenheit if your baby's rectal temperature is 100.4 degrees or higher he has a fever what the fuck could be a a lady baby? Absolutely. A lady baby.

Wow, I've never seen someone undo their own earnest point so quickly and so hilariously. A lady baby. From now on, I want boys and lady babies. That will be the division of everything. Toys, clothing, gender reveal cakes. It's toys for boys and toys for lady babies. Fuck, that's great. I love it.

A lady baby sounds like when you get a two-year-old and dress her up in high heels and a trench coat. Make her all grown up, put some earrings on her and dress her up in like high heels and a trench coat you know make you like all grown up put some earrings on her and send her off to work it's a lady baby that's really great um uh so in conclusion centigrade we're going to stick with i think but you know there are some sound arguments for the use of fahrenheit everyday life. Guy, have you got anything coming up that you would like to discuss and share with this friend group that we've formed over the years? When is this going to be released into the wild, my friend? Maybe today, you know?

Ah, yeah. Anyone listening along in New York City, I have two shows I'd love you to be in attendance at. One of them is on Saturday, September 15th at Union Hall. It's called Guy McGomery Presents. I'm friends with these people. I'm hosting a lineup of comics who I consider to be friends.

Do they think I'm their friend? I don't think so. Maybe one or two of them, but certainly not all i'm definitely placing a lot more value on the friendship than some of these comics let me talk about that in earnest in front of you to them saturday the 15th of september jesus christ that sounds like potentially quite a heavy outing yeah yeah it's certainly going to knock me around a bit uh the other one i'm doing on september the 18th which is a tuesday at 7 30 at ucb east

in the east village that one's called guy montgomery brings new zealand to you i understand new zealand's quite far away and for a lot of people you know a trip there isn't possible so i'm going to do what i can to cherry pick the best and most interesting lot of people, you know, a trip there isn't possible. So I'm going to do what I can to cherry pick the best and most interesting parts of my country and present them to you, the American people, and both tickets to that are available. If you go to my Twitter, guy underscore mont, you know, all the information you need about them will be found there.

What about you, Tim? I'd just like to talk about what's happening on this podcast uh season one i'm currently giving a little zhuzh a little edit um before we release it back into the wild for public consumption it has been uh under contract with the good people at stitcher premium for the last couple of years and it's had a lovely home there and it's been enjoying itself uh but we that that uh that contract's ended so we've made the decision to um put it back up uh so you can just freely download it i think now would be a wonderful time if you if you're a real keen bean if you're listening to these friend zones at this point you probably are go another go another hoon around the block you

know if it's been a while give another listen um i'm just doing some like editing to lift the sound quality a little bit uh a couple of things on that though 2014 we were just getting started it's pretty ropey and also even i've come across some stuff just in my cursory sort of listening through of certain bits uh maybe there's some comments that i or language that i wouldn't stand by in this modern age it's amazing how far we've come in four years so just you know everything in its proper context remember that your boys on the whole who says the bad stuff i just caught myself saying uh the word retarded a bunch of times to describe someone i was like geez this is a bit prickly to the ears to probably tone that down so you know just uh view everything in its wider context that we mean well even when

we um not every syllable is great yeah exactly thank you very good see we're so close we finish each other's sandwiches and you love that eh i really do uh the patreon's going hard the way that works is you go to patreon.com which is about p-a-t-r-e-o-n dot com slash t-w-i-o-a-t a lot of letters i'm spelling out it's patreon.com slash and then the acronym for the worst idea of all time uh and it'll take you to our page where you can contribute a small uh donation every month and depending on your level of funding, you get some episodes. So if you give $5 or more a month, you get access to our Patreon episodes. We watch and review different predominantly bad movies, and if you give $10 or more a month, you're in the Deciders Club,

who get to vote on what we are going to watch for that episode. So it's a lot of fun. And apart from that, just be good. Be good out there, everyone. I'm very excited about season one coming back up. Aren't we all? Thank you so much, everybody. Have a great time today or tonight.

And tomorrow? Well, you better believe I want that to be good for you as well. The day after that, there's only one thing I wish for you, and that's to have another great day. But, Guy, what about the day after that? Well, you're in luck, because my well wishes extend three days ahead of you. The fourth day, you're on your fucking own. So watch out because I'm going to get you. Well, it's the friend zone.

Tim and Guy come to the friend zone. And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone. Tim and Guy. Because making friends is the best idea of all time. Own each step with Peloton from their pop runs to walk and talks you define what it means

to be a runner whatever your level embrace it journey starts when you say so if you've got five minutes or 50 Peloton tread has workouts you can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs walks and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app.

Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.