The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Eighty

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

Tim is looking after his new puppy and Guy is being coached through his tax return by the world’s oldest man. Out friendz on the other hand are being forced to watch Happy Feet, rejoicing over Linux references and relishing life imitating art in the form of a judge’s orders. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

today you ready okay let's go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer everybody ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing well it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone And have a good time, yes it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time Hello and welcome along Oh shit No, but you got the right idea, it's the friend zone

That's right, for those of you wanting to listen to mine and Tim bett's plight as we continue to punish ourselves with sex in the city uh this is not the podcast for you to those of you who just want to check in with us and one another and see how life's going enjoy all that is great about friendship uh you've come to the right place i am guy montgomery uh joined online as always by tim how are you my friend so good guy got this lovely puppy yeah incredibly destructive yeah but oh so cute well we this was sort of impromptu this conversation we didn't we didn't plan it and i was saying can we go now like can you record now and you wrote back not exactly this fucking dog man christ yeah yeah it's about a quarter of the work of having a baby i'm up to my eyeballs and dog

yeah it's very it's because he's actually he's been very good at sleeping so when he does a big long sleep now he's got this pent-up puppy energy that he's just got to fucking launch somewhere and i'm the sole parent of this dog during the day so he's just unleashing all of that onto me and he was because he's so young he doesn't like to play by himself is rufus in the studio right now he's right behind me he can hear us ah has rufus done a poos in the studio yet nah man he's so good at toilet training he just like he hasn't he's he's not shit anywhere except where he's supposed to in the toilet bowl as we taught him and he's only done like one way where he shouldn't and i think that was because he was

on a big car journey well how about that that's uh it's pretty good for a young for a young dog and so you're good it's the morning you got your dog you've had some brekkie life's good life's good man life's pretty good you feel good about the day's prospects you know what guy i do i received some some good news yesterday this isn't the usual thing we talk about in the friend zone but should i give you a quick please got um so i put i came up with this idea ages ago for a web series and i won't get into what the story is because someone might take the idea but um i put a proposal in for a little bit of funding and it's got through the first round so i've got me and my friend jack have a little bit of money to uh develop the idea some more and then pitch it as a show, which hopefully they'll give even more money to or going to plan. Hey, that's red hot, my friend.

Congratulations. Thank you. We shall see how it goes. I've never written anything before. Like, you know, I haven't written a lot of narrative stuff, so I'm not sure if I can. Let's find out. If nothing else, it'll be a fantastic test. And Guy, you've been getting right into your bloody streetball recently.

Yeah, I've been playing a lot of basketball. I'm looking forward immediately at the commencement of this. I'm going to be going to play my housemate and friend, Ken. We've just finished a series where we played the nba finals we played a best of seven series uh and i took it out for three which meant i was treated to dinner and drinks on ken's dime and i've spent a lot of today i in fact not long before talking to you tim i spent 40 minutes talking to the oldest man in america who's called curtis something uh as he coached me through filing a tax return um and it's really interesting because

you get sort of designated i'm using this thing called turbo tax and you get designated this tax expert and uh it's a one-way call a camera call so he's just on the top right corner of my screen just this guy who is literally moments from death oh my goodness and he's got is he a friend uh yeah i'd say he qualified we had a few smiles and laughs at the end when he was telling me i had to fill out a feedback form he was like so you gotta be nice and i was like of course I had to fill out a feedback form. He was like, so you've got to be nice. And I was like, of course.

So, yeah, it's been, you know, what a day. We've got taxes. We've got basketball. We've got a puppy. We've got a bit of development funding. I mean, you know, we're hitting a lot of different creative and age benchmarks between us right now. There's a lot going on. Don't you think?

And we really should get into these messages because i know we don't have long to record i don't think this is the first time i bring this up either but the plethora of feedback that we need to provide to service people these days particularly well almost solely for online stuff but things like uber as well it's really sully human relations because you don't know what people's motives are you can't tell a nice person anymore from someone just chasing that five-star dream you know interesting uh i think i understand your skepticism but i think by and large uh like true decency shines through you know you still got a sense for the humanity i think the online feedback forms what shits me about that is i'm like you took this job away from a person who was the feedback form.

And now, I don't know. Wait, what? Was someone back in the day ringing and being like, hey, we just want to find out how our co-worker did. Can you please knock on them to me? Yeah, to me, a person. No, not necessarily that, but it's like they outsource everything to machines. And then, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying.

I'd rather not get into it. And then the machines rise up. That's what happens. Something like that. This message is dated the 17th of December, 2018. Hello, guys. I have a request slash proposal for you. But before I get to that, I'd like to give you some backstory on how I got to this point.

I'd like to give you some backstory on how I got to this point. I'd like to hear it. Truly the record scratch. You're probably wondering how I wound up here of introductory paragraphs. My name is Nathan Lewis. I live in Toledo, Ohio, and I'm a recording engineer. One of my projects is a boring local podcast

called Toledo Matters. It's actually a really good name for a small town podcast. I'm also a D&D dungeon master. And about a year ago, someone told me to listen to something called The Adventure Zone. This led to a black hole of binge listening

to every episode of this show and all the many other podcasts from the McElroys. Most recently through this process, I've discovered To Death Do Us Blart and The worst idea of all time which i absolutely love yes i'd like to ask your permission to do a podcast using your for your format from to death just blart with my two younger brothers we will call this show till death do us blank now here's the fun part if you're okay with this idea we'd really love you to fill in the blank and pick the movie that my brothers and i will have to watch for the rest of our lives

happy feet we will of course send any listeners we may have back to your shows as the imp is the impetus for this new future of podcasting format please let me know what you think in either case keep up the good work love all your shows thank you from nathan and i don't know if you picked up on that nathan but you are literally going to be watching Happy Feet for the rest of your life because Tim Batt decided on a whim. That's how all of our decisions get made. Absolutely. If you want to go by the true format,

then it's going to take a split decision call from either Guy or myself based on nothing,'m no other information just gut i'm responding to this message roughly two months after it was sent uh so this correspondence just got sent out into the world it just floated in purgatory for two months and then i have provided no apologies for my tardiness uh Nothing, save for the two words, Happy Feet, capitalized to represent what movie they'll be watching. So congratulations, Nathan.

Good luck with the podcast to you and your brothers. Congratulations, Tim, on a great choice. Thank you. I'm an executive producer of this podcast now. Onwards. Because I made a decision. Onwards is the march.

Dead Tim Tam and Mont Blanc. Blank. Mont Blanc? What does that actually mean? Mont Blanc. Something white? Yeah, it's the White Mountain. It's a French, I think it's a French mountain.

Maybe even a watch brand? I'm likely, I think you're right. Do you reckon they've ever used Matt LeBlanc? I'll move on. I'm likely too late to stop at this point, but please don't do season four. I love you brave boys very much, and I don't want to lose you to the madness.

Plus, I figure the three of us are roughly the same age now that I've entered my 30s. Listening to my peers describe how they're wasting their youth on a frustrating, arbitrary, and inane activity makes me think about my shitty job too much oh boy but i'll keep throwing money at you on patreon either way so do what you want i guess with that said i wanted to relay a pleasant experience i had on the podcast recently after finishing the recent re-upload of season one i've begun listening re-listening to season two and at about the episode oh sorry at about uh the 24 minute mark in episode eight

drummer tim excitedly describes what he believes to be a linux desktop running on samantha's computer although it was mostly just for the bit it uh did my heart good to hear a seemingly normal person wax enthusiastically about free as in as in beer and as in freedom and open source software and the community around it i also feel glad knowing that there's at least one person out there to whom i'd never have to explain why itunes won't work on my weird computer uh and my favorite bit is when Tim replies to Guy's question, is Linux good or bad with, it's good, it's open source brother, it's the future that's all, you good sweet boys please survive long enough to do another show in the

states, say my name at full force Stuart Lepresti from Florida sorry Rufus, he got all upset at my volume well thank you Stuart, I felt like a lot of that correspondence was probably more in the tim bat wheelhouse than the gmont car true that but uh a pleasure as always

uh and i remember tim very excitedly observing that i was excited because tim was excited um i've been then i think it turned out to be like a really old version of it was like xp or something just at a weird resolution so it looked a bit funky uh tim this was sent on the 17th of december 2018 and it's just a link to a news article that says see this keep up the good work fellas the headline is missouri poacher forced to repeatedly watch Bambi while in prison. Ah, yes. And did you catch wind of this story?

Yeah, this is one of those fabulous news stories that we get sent a few times on Twitter when they happen and I love getting them. It's bloody funny. So, a US poacher in Missouri has been ordered to repeatedly watch Bambi as part of a sentence for illegally killing hundreds of deers.

He's been sentenced, ordered to watch it at least once a month during his year-long jail sentence. Deer? Yeah, he's been killing deer. What a, what a fuck. Although, I don't know, maybe deer dear are they a problem anywhere in the states namely where this guy is no he was a poacher so what he was doing oh he's a poacher sorry right right right uh i got my um attention split by a puppy who does not realize how high the jump is

off this chair yeah this guy sounds like a real ass and uh i do like it when judges get creative with their punishments or their sentences in this way so thank you for the correspondence steve and uh go fuck yourself ben it's always interesting isn't it when judges get a little rambunctious because it makes for a bloody good headline but then you're like well hold on a minute you're the judge yeah you should probably not be, you know, having a lot of fun at work with your creativity. No, but, you know, they can. Also, by the way, I said go fuck yourself, Ben.

I meant to say David Berry Jr. I don't know where Ben came from. If your name is Ben and you're listening, please. No backsies. Okay, no backsies. So you still have to also go and fuck yourself. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go

The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer Everybody run! Ends here This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately Borderlands, now playing I would like to say thank you so much to Catherine Benson, who chucked us a few bucks via PayPal through worstideaofalltime.com. God bless you.

There's no message there, so maybe Catherine sent us an email or something later, which we'll find. Oh, but right now, guy, I've got a bloody picture on an email, which is good we'll find oh but right now guy i've got a bloody picture on an email which is good i'm just waiting for it to load oh my god this is amazing so we've got like um a huge sheet of paper and a lot of drawings on top of it which i think explore different aspects um of grown-ups too that we got through in the season we've got um one beautiful image here that says welcome to stanton and it's got a big kmart in the middle and the sun shining we've got a deer with a big pink brow and its antlers um we've got a school bus ah there's

all sorts of stuff going on here this is brilliant we've got a gun brandishing cop outside a kmart and a school bus what what are the materials used on this picture? I would say the medium is colored pencil, if I had to guess. But let's read the email. This is really beautiful. I'm going to post this on the Facebook. Artistic representation, oh, sorry, artistic interpretation of what existed in my mind

after 52 weeks of pods. Debut this bad boy right before the first watch party with some mates cheers and that's from philip i hope he doesn't mind me saying this linfoot god it's good i'm gonna i'm gonna post this yeah you should everyone can enjoy it uh thank you so much philip i'm looking forward to seeing that picture myself you take over guy i'm gonna cuddle a dog hey timbo and guy guy i've wanted to send a message to you two boys for a very long time and now i've finally got around to doing it i'm a self-employed musician drummer in the northeast of the uk for the last four years i've had a job playing drums

for a pantomime show these christmas seasonal performances typically last around 70 shows with two shows a day Oh fuck me With only a few days off between the end of November and mid-January The work quickly changes From being fun and interesting To the depths of what a human can mentally endure A lot of it is audience dependent The audience is consisting of families

Being generally the best Since the adults can laugh at the rude jokes Sorry, a lot of it is audience dependent The audience is consisting of families generally being the best Since the adults can laugh at the rude jokes. Sorry. A lot of it is audience dependent. The audience is consisting of families generally being the best since the adults can laugh at the rude jokes, but the audience is consisting of primary school kids are a bit more lackluster and laughs. Too cool for school.

But what they lack in a developed sense of humor, they more than make up for the sheer air drum bursting power of their screams. There's four of us in the band me on drums a bass guitarist and two keyboard

players with two keyboards each making all the cheesy sounds you could possibly imagine over the course of the two months

we slowly get driven insane quoting the show in our spare time amongst any other kind of coping strategies we can come up with to

survive the band usually have little that part was good tonight, or that joke bombed tonight, quite like your own Shining Light segment. We also talk about the plot holes and delve into the lore of the show

and possible theories and explanations of what could have caused such grievous plot holes. I feel there's similarities between how we cope mentally and how you two fine gentlemen structure the worst area of all time. I just found out you're going to be doing another season of the worst area of all time. It's found out you're going to be doing another season of the worst area of all time. It's a potent mix of emotions, excitement, dread, anxiety.

As long as you guys come out of the year with your mental state relatively intact, then what could go wrong? This last bit is just for Tim. Sorry, Guy. And then they actually didn't write that last paragraph at all. Oh, what? No, they did. I'm just choosing not to read it. Oh, what? No, they did.

I'm just choosing not to read it. Oh, man. Come on, guy. What does it say? Much love from the UK. Wish you both the best holiday season. Say my name, James Carmichael. Wow, you're really not going to read it, huh?

Are you playing drums still, Tim? Having followed you guys for such a long time now, I was stoked when I'd seen those little Instagram clips of you on the drums. If I remember correctly, they were part of a show you were doing, but I can't remember much else. I hope you're still playing. Yeah, man, I bought a children's drum kit. Well, it is sort of a children's drum kit, but it's not a toy drum kit.

It's a real drum kit. It's just miniature. And I still have them, to answer your question. I have not been taking lessons, but I would like to. I took lessons when I was a young boy for not long, and it just kind of stuck with me. When I was a young warthog. When I was a young warthog. It's from The Lion King.

Damn it. That would have been so funny. I just realized that the very next email I had was the exact same message from James Carmichael. And I could have read that paragraph when you refused to. Fuck. What a missed op. Here's one from Brody, though. Dearest Timbo and Guy Guy,

Having just listened to your most recent friend's own, I'll note that this was sent on Christmas Eve in the year of our Lord 2018 having just listened to your most recent friend zone I became curious about something a fellow friend of the show mentioned that the knife was their patron saint and it got me wondering I was hoping you might be able to give a briefer

extended history of the knife slash knives are you still a knife guy Tim? and if so what knife should we be praying to now? keep up the good work gents say my name brodie robinson well the first knife was purchased at a closing down sale of a dairy uh or what you call a convenience store in america uh in central Auckland, where I live. And it was a weird little kind of flick knife thing. Made people very nervous when I brandished it, especially Guy. And then I lost it on a trip to the United States because I did not put it in my checked-in luggage, did I, Guy?

Took it through security, I did. That's exactly what you did. And then i bought another one which was very similar in new york city when we went over to do some live shows and uh wouldn't you know it i did the exact same thing again and the knife got taken by airport security once more um i believe there was a third knife but i i can't even remember what happened to that one but there was recently and ever so briefly a fourth knife, but I can't even remember what happened to that one. But there was recently, and ever so briefly, a fourth knife. So brief that I don't think Guy even knows about it.

Which was when I went on a big hike, a multi-day hike in the bush with some friends over the Christmas New Year period just been. We bought a knife which was ambitious to cut the fish that we were definitely going to catch and then we didn't and i inherited said knife and then uh something i promptly lost it like immediately lost it so i had it for about a day so the answer is the spirit of the knife will live on forever it is not made manifest in physical form currently as i speak but i'm always on the lookout to find another vessel uh to sort of bestow that knife energy i honestly i honestly like it less when you don't have a knife yeah uh because the idea of what might happen, the fear of that is greater than you just holding a small knife.

And the way you phrased that with the double negative guy I think is very indicative of how much you don't want to admit to that fact. Hi there, good boys. I don't have a clever name for you. Also, I don't know if this is friendzone quality. Well, you've got the self-awareness to have passed the test. Ever since hearing the announcement on Death Blight 4 about the new season, I've been considering sending you two a suggestion for helping watch the movie together, but delayed on it, thinking that it wouldn't be of any use.

But listening to the second episode and Tim Sorrows, I'm five minutes in as I type this, I thought it was worth it. Though, I noticed that this being after the new zealand international film festival and you saying on death blight you've been saving up episodes this will actually be getting to you a little late uh anyway i'm a lonely internet nerdlinger and i live in australia and all my friends are in other countries mostly america and we watch movies and such together all the time using the website rab r-a-b-b dot i-t dot it can be a bit janky at times because it feels like the site is expanding

its number of users faster and its servers can cope with it uh so sometimes we'll go to use it and it'll be down for maintenance or some such or they'll have just updated it and it will work worse i know justin mccroy's where it exists because he mentioned it on the second the the adventure zone zone episode where he said he used to sometimes jump into public rooms to spy on people experiencing the adventure zone episodes for the first time so maybe you boys already know it exists if not the site is hard to, but there's like a shared web browser inside your web browser, and if you can find a thing to watch, it will be synced up for all of you, and then there's optional text chat, video chat, voice chat.

Some of it sucks, but some of it's good, and I don't know other services to do the same thing to let me be antisocial. I don't want this to seem like an ad for a website that pisses me off a lot, I don't want this to seem like an ad for a website that pisses me off a lot I don't want this to seem like an ad for a website that pisses me off a lot though, so maybe not friendzone material, I just want you two to get to watch the movie as close to like being physically together as possible

reduce the madness eh I need to go back into this episode and also get dressed I just got out of the shower and I'm a massive fucking procrastinator seeing this seemed more important than clothes. My laptop is burning my foot. See you boys.

Danny. What a journey. Danny's the man. I've never heard of that website. Have you? I have not heard of that website, no. But certainly something to look into for future records. Thank you so much, Danny, for that correspondence.

Do you want to wind it up, Tim, with one more? I just want to say that website sounds real cool, and I'm going to check it out, Danny. Very cool indeed. Layla. Yo, Tim and Guy. During my freshman year of college at UCc berkeley a strange girl wandered into my room before i was headed to a party as i was getting my fruit themed costume ready she

started challenging my very conservative roommates to rap battles and meowing on the floor when everyone stopped paying attention to her she has since been one of the funniest and one of my favorite people i've ever met and two years later we are close friends. For the first year of our friendship, however, I only knew her by the name Rat King. I am a regular listener of The Worst Idea of All Time, and it was not until one episode in which you guys went off on some improv side tantrum and started imagining Putin braiding together the tails of rats into a rat king like some demonic flower crown, that I realized this was where my friend found her self-proclaimed title.

She turned me on to your show during our sophomore year when I was lost in the quagmire of deciding my major, between media studies and whatever else, and somehow the chaotic disarray of your comedy duo kept me sane every morning during my dog walks. So thank you for your service i hope you both tour in los angeles or san francisco sometime as i would love love love to see you both at a live show from the genesis of rat woman layla chamberlain uh 10 out of 10 post yeah it's beautiful And what a wonderful way to end this catch up. It was the very spirit of what the friendzone is, guy.

Friends, becoming friends using the podcast. I love it. Enjoying the benefits of friendship. I love it too. I love you. I love Rufus, even though I haven't met Rufus. I hope you have a wonderful day and achieve everything you set out to do. And that message is not just for Tim, but for anyone listening.

And I hope I beat Ken's ass at basketball. Yeah, best of luck with that, but also best of luck to Ken. So, in a way, best of luck to no one. Noted. Well, that's it from us. See ya. Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone and have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy

because making friends is the best idea of all time. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing