The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Fifty One

Episode Date: July 27, 2017

Bruce Wayne and Barry Allen are back to feild questions, accept praise and continue to atagonise people with their mixpronouncication of Raleigh. There's a lot of good stuff happening on there this 'zone - including more people sharing a shining light with their dear child. Bloody gorgeous. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. And welcome to the friend zone, with Spindly Timbly Wimbly, and Guy Montgomery. You were listening to this After the first episode Of the Director's Commentary has come out Which has become unto itself Another little mini project Within the podcast, huh? Certainly

I would like to say I hope you enjoyed That Director's Commentary We of course didn't contribute to that But Maximum Joseph and Megan Oppenheimer did a fantastic job We tagged in for the next one And the two that followed that. And I'll tell you this, you've heard of diminishing returns

and that's what those particular recordings are an experiment in. Have you listened to any of what we said back, Tim? No, which makes me a bit nervous. Yeah, look. Anyway, suffice it to say, you've got a lot of time With Tim and Guy

Coming up If that's what you want And if you don't want that I'm not going to stop you From not listening to it I'll tell you I'm not going to stop you From not listening to it

If you're not listening to those That's fine by me Is what I'm saying Yeah right Gotcha Gotcha Hey so we're in the friend zone now Where we dig into the letter

Mail bag Guy and I are both A little bit dusty. Oh, yeah. We had a great time together last night. We sure did. We played some pool, and I lost some pool to Guy and then had to pick up a tab. You did have to pick up the tab.

We did some comedy. Yes. Tim was very funny. Tim actually had a new joke that he told me today when we were having a coffee. Oh, you enjoyed it a lot. Do you want to do it on the show? No, you saved it. Not the place for it.

Well, rest assured, if you see Tim performing stand-up comedy in the next little while, he'll be doing a great joke. It's about Nazis. It's about time someone put the boot in. Now, our first message comes from Leah, who writes, Shh, Timmy Wimps and Monty. I wrote in last summer to thank you for the delightful party that helped me get through

my terrible grass cutting for the military what was that someone in unknown numbers calling me let's find out who it is hello guy speaking heya Taron how are you

it's Taron I'm also good thank you I'm actually hey Terran how are you? it's Terran I'm also good thank you I'm actually recording something with Tim right now New Zealand he's pretty good yeah cool and how long

15 cool thanks very much man wait it was tearing everybody it sure was I'm hearing the weirdest it's like a it's like a wind tunnel

I think it's maybe it's but it's adding kind of a nice ambiance it could be one of our it could be one of our bodies no I think it's a cable I think there's a cable.

I think there's something weird going on with these cables. Can you hear me in your cans? I sure can. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I'm reading you loud and clear. As you were. From the top, please, Tim. I wrote in last summer. With the horns, as Lindsay Buckingham intended.

That's a Family Guy reference to the song Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. Timmy Wims and Monty, I wrote in last summer to thank you for the delightful podcast that helped me get through terrible grass cutting for the military. Also, you definitely thought I was a fuck boy myself and I am definitely a fuck girl. Our bad. Our collective bad, Leah. Apologies for that. Brackets.

No worries. Gender is a spectrum, just like EDM. Here is another warm warm toasty thank you from canada to little old nz yet again thank you boys for you are my lifeline you are the fuck boys and i am the squirrel anyway the real tea is here i was watching the abc show the real o'neill's that is now cancelled hey fuckers and i stumbled upon something big. There was a reference in the show where the dad quote, gave up a Zac Efron movie

in which he plays a DJ for Lent. I literally threw myself off the couch and cried. My friends were concerned and there was no way to explain to them what had just happened. This brings up so many questions. Is ABC stealing your jokes? Pay the fucking boys, america has the dad in

the show been watching uh with you silently all along could he not handle season three did you guys kick him off the pod are there things you guys are just not telling us i needed to share this with someone it's not it's not too weird oh it's too weird not to some obscure terrible tv show is possibly out for your goddamn jokes or uh you nice boys have been lying to us anyway do with this what you will burn abc to the ground if you have to xoxo gossip squirrel o'shawn um also do what you must with my name also come to toronto to bear and make dank jokes yeah what a What a great message. So, amazing. What do you think the most likely circumstances?

Here's my theory, and I hope I don't sound like I've got too big a head by putting this out there, but I reckon this is some lowly TV writer who's listening to the podcast who just chucked that in and hoped it would get through, you know. You think that this is a,

there is a joke heist at play here. Well, it's just too specific, don't you think, Guy? I guess it's not even a heist. It could be an homage. Yeah. It's a shout out to the boys. Yeah. We don't have to burn ABC to the ground.

ABC should be celebrated for letting this reference to the worst idea of all time get through right onto on air. Absolutely. Tim, I got a question for you. You host a tv show now a week and week out you host a tv show called banter yeah i don't know why you're selling this wonderful podcast have you ever uh buried a reference to the movie grown-ups to sex in the city 2 or where are your friends inside of one of the episodes no not yet I think from here on out what you should do

is you should try and get a quote from one of those movies into each episode of banter. Okay, will do. But back to this. What do you think is the most likely outcome? I think...

Well... I like your version of it. I think there is a chance that... Do you think it's not related to us? I think there could be some parallel thinking going on. But to give it up for lent it's too it's too specific like you don't give up a movie for lent you give up something that you do constantly for lent like eating meat or um masturbating well yeah have you seen the movie 40 days and 40 nights uh think a long long time ago Is that Josh?

Josh Hartnett Yeah He's not allowed to cum Yeah For 40 days and 40 nights What about wet dreams? I think he has a wet dream Can't remember

That's okay You don't get to choose those No you don't You're not in control of that When I was in high school Go on I don't know that I should I had a wet dream Involving When I was in high school... Go on. I don't know that I should.

I had a wet dream involving... This was before I'd even touched a lady. Here we go. But I had a wet dream that involved... I was in way over my head. Halle Berry and also Julie Cooper, who was the mum, Marissa Cooper's mum, from the TV show The O.C. Jesus Christ.

The impact that the show The O.C. had on your formative years continues to stagger me. You bring it up in weird and wonderful ways as this podcast progresses. I don't think I've told many people about that wet dream. I don't usually tell people about them at all. Amongst friends. Yeah, we're in the friend zone, so that's fine. Here we go.

Dear Guybo and Tim Flash, I've been an avid fan of the podcast since season two, and I've been hooked on the friend zone since its introduction to this stream. I was introduced to you guys while I was working in Brisbane, and I've done my utmost to spread the gospel of two courageous Kiwis suffering over the same

terrible film for weeks on end. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, oi, oi! So the good people of Earth don't have to since I returned to my native UK. To mixed responses I must add. Well thank you for trying to spread the prophecy. Season 3 is the first season I've listened to in real time as I spent season 2 catching up

and I have to say it's been a thriller I've refrained from watching the movie as per your guidelines to preserve my own fine health I won't postulate a theory of my own as to the nature of this film However with the spectre of the final watchers looming I thought I'd send you some food for thought Perhaps helping you to navigate the graveyard shift with some reinvigoration I recently came across a Guardian article that claimed to serve as a guideline for identifying dud films Here comes the exciting part I'm excited

Without even watching them Yeah Okay How cool is that? Then I went into your room and read your diary That's not in the letter That's a Weasel lyric I think Okay

Anyway, I'd be interested to know how the points made here would relate to We Are Your Friends in your minds. I've been writing for some time and would simply like to add that you both have brought great joy and much laughter

into my life, which I thank you immensely for. Keep fighting the good fight. The end is near. If this makes it into the friend zone, it would be a pleasure if you read out my name, Michael Quinn.

And then send a link to the article on The Guardian. Come on, without. Come on, come on we just read a letter from young Michael Quinn

you did a better job of filling in the right number of syllables it would further be interesting to see how well you think this metric works in relation to all three of the films you guys have watched

in addition to Waif so has he got a link to the he's linked to the article shall I open yeah yeah have a perusal okay so

the image they've used for the article... Frankly, Guy, it would be rude not to, to read that entire message and then not open the meat and potatoes of it. So the photo is one of Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler, and the heading is How to Spot a Bad Film Without Even Seeing It. What was that movie?

The House. You saw it. Oh, yeah, I did see that. And do you want to know what, everyone? I love both of those in fact i loved pretty much every cast member in it and i i did not love the movie it's okay hey i think because my expectations were set so high here are the here are the things embargoed reviews that's one of the telltale signs of how to avoid a banned movie. Okay. Sub 90 minute running time.

Okay. Production rumors. Production rumors. Come on. You know, people are joining and leaving a project. Star Wars. Those guys who were directing Star Wars, they left very close to completion.

Didn't they? I don't know. They did. You know that. The guys who did Jump Street street they got booted off star wars recently what are you talking about i don't know how to be any more explicit what do you mean the guys who did jump street directors who directed 21 jump street together were directing a star wars film and then they bailed off and had they got they got replaced with like 10 days to go

to rap oh okay so someone just came in to finish off a few bloody reshoots or something. Well, that's a production rumor, isn't it? It is. Well, it is. It's a production reality. But anyway, let's hear the rest of these points. I'm dubious about this list, to be honest. The Guardian.

Poster chicanery. I think you like that because you like the word chicanery. I sure do. Hold on. Do they elaborate on what poster chicanery is? So this list is all being given in the context of reviewing the film The House. Oh, okay, okay.

So after poster chicanery, they say, obviously there are no critics quotes to be found on The House's poster. This is because A, there was a review embargo, and B, the nicest thing genuinely that anyone has said about The House is that it's a dark, startlingly bloody journey into the bitter, empty, broken heart of the American middle class, which might look a bit out of place on a poster for a kooky good time Will Ferrell comedy.

And then the last one. Okay, can I describe something that happened in my head? Do you know why I didn't know this was the house first up? When you said Amy Poehler and Will Ferrell, in my head, I went Will Arnett. And I was like, what is the movie that they've done? Because I'm sure they have. They were married. I went Will Arnett. Ah. And I was like, what is the movie that they've done?

Because I'm sure they have. They were married. I don't think they are anymore, are they? But they were married for a time. They were for a time. They have children together. Yes.

And I hope that the divorce wasn't too hard on the kids. And I echo Guy's sentiments. Yeah, that's where my head went. Okay, well listen, Guardian, you write articles about anything, won't you? You know, that's clickbait head went. Okay, well, listen, Guardian. You write articles about anything, won't you? That's clickbait is what you've created there.

And then the last one was interviews about anything but the film. And it specifically goes on to reference Will Ferrell's appearance on Conan with a painted face when he's saying superstar by the carpenters. Oh, fuck off. He is known for his talk show chicanery. That's his MO. What I'm doing now, guys, i'm opening up um the we are your friends posters on google image search to uh have a look for chicanery there and

i mean it's big on ephron a to the point where a lot of the poster imagery is the four fuck boys but the other three have got their backs turned because you don't need to see who they are, but Zac Efron is facing the camera, and it's just got Zac Efron and big title. Because that's what you're paying for, right? That's what they were banking on. That is pretty ruthless to the other guys. Okay, I'm going to do this for the other movies we've done. There's no quotes on We Are Your Friends.

There will be no quotes on... Sex and the City 2. And I'll do Grown Ups 2. Okay, very good. done there's no quotes on we are your friends um there'll be no quotes on the city to post it and i'll do grown-ups too okay very good uh let's have a look oh that's right a lot of photoshop going on that's what i'm saying ah there is no quotes eh and neither on grown-ups too well hold on but think of a good movie real quick what's a good what's a what's just a good move any good movie that's come out the last 10 years uh well it's hard when i put a gun to your head obviously there are plenty uh the movie interstellar you like that i love that movie interstellar wow i've spelt that probably quite wrong oh no nailed it okay here's the movie poster for interstellar um i can't see maybe quotes aren't

on movie posters anymore you know yeah maybe that's what's going on here Grown Ups 2 it's just lots of different photos of it's stars which is obviously

that's how the film got approved that's the marketing material a lot of it is like images of them as though they're jumping off a big Grown Ups 2 like it's Suicide 35 dude you know what I'm looking up now?

The poster for Dunkirk. Because I know that's good. We went to that recently. Tim and I went to a movie together in our leisure time, and we didn't publicly discuss it. It was awesome. Oh man, I don't think they put quotes on movie posters anymore. Anyway, look, let's press forward.

Yeah. In the friend zone. Cold the man. Oh shit, I hope he's alright for... Well, let's find out. Dear Timbo and Guy Guy, I recently found myself with a Monday off for Canada Day. This was sent a little while ago.

The eagle-eyed among you will detect that. I made a terrible choice and I'm halfway through We Are Your Friends. So far, this is 48 minutes of my life I'm never getting back. If I had to describe the movie so far, I'd say it's the fantasy of that guy from high school that thinks they're going to be a professional DJ after they drop out. That is accurate. I now know why you don't plan on doing another season. Take Paul's advice before it's too late, while you're still young.

I cannot imagine sitting through this 52 times. 3.46 days of your life given to this lackluster movie. That math doesn't sound right to me, by the way. We'll double check that. That said, the MacBook box just appeared on screen while I write this. Based on him saying it's a self-serving gift. I believe the box contains Monopoly money. He wanted to see the look of excitement upon receiving a MacBook

just to know it will be followed by the disappointment of seeing all that fake colorful paper money brackets if someone has already said that i'm a month or two behind and apologies now he actually says apologize you're in the clear godspeed gents i'll be sad to see the podcast go but i'll be glad to know you'll be free of it. Say my name. Thank God. Cole DeMann. DeMann is how you pronounce it. Go ahead. Make the obvious joke.

I won't. P.S. I demand you make the obvious joke, Tim. Oh, that's where you went with it. I was going to say Cole's DeMann. I'm sure that's the one he's gotten 6,000 times before. No, I don't think so. I think it's putting a D on it and saying demand.

Your pronunciation of Rowley was driving me nuts, but you're so deep in it now, I admire your stubbornness. Rowley. Rowley. Who knows? Fucking who cares? I'll tell you who cares. A lot of people. Cold demand cares.

Oh, and actually, can I follow up that last email with another one? This is highly unorthodox, but the subject line is, stay away from Raleigh. It's a short one from Joe, who says, Dearest Tip Top, Tom, and Guy Dude, I hope this cautionary tale helps you realize that this Raleigh business can only end in bloodshed. And then there's a link.

As your legal counsel, I advise you never to speak of or think of Raleigh again. Then it's a national post um article uh it says the strange tale of a man who was shot points point blank for mispronouncing newfoundland in the old west i'm not so worried about that i'll tell you what's exciting for the good people of rally yeah uh is they're gonna get an urban outfitters in downtown rally oh that's fucking tremendous yeah they're gonna go in the dillonfitters in downtown Raleigh. Oh, that's fucking tremendous. Yeah, they're going to go in the Dillon building in the Warehouse District on West Street. So there's a lot to get excited about, as always,

in North Carolina's beautiful town of Raleigh. Congratulations, fuckers. Say my name, you son of a bitch. Done. Oh, wait, who is it? Not saying yet. Okay. Dear Bruce Wayne and Barry Allen.

Do you know who Barry Allen is? No. The Flash. Oh, I like that. Yeah, that's pretty good. That is so good. I'm amazed we haven't... In fact...

Well done, person whose name I'm yet to know. I'm writing to say thank you for the many hours of hearty chuckles the podcast has given me over the last few years. Listen to your extended forays into cinematic self-flagellation during the recent delay between episodes

I found myself missing your dulcet kiwi tones and decided to chip into the Patreon in order to get some more time with my two favourite

fuckboys which makes me wonder if maybe the delay was a clever marketing ploy to drive up pledges perhaps another example of Tim's business acumen secondably

after listening to season episode three of the patreon the very enlightening commentary by richard kelly and bo hide of their film southland tales was overcome by an urge to know what the plot of the film was oh my god couldn't tell you some would call that a shortcoming of the director's commentary but i disagree it was while searching the interwebs for a synopsis that I stumbled upon a blog called the wicker breaker and that blogs review every week for a year of Southland tales could be that someone out there has stolen our boys

idea will source I forwarding the watching of this inscrutable film do you think as the final season the pub begins to wind down that all reviewers should have to watch the films they review at least 52 times for their reviews can be taken seriously in all previous reviews struck from history as feeble,

inept attempts to truly understand what they're watching. I imagine a world where we look back at Bat and Montgomery as pioneers of true cinema critiquing, and Antipodean, Siskel and Ebert. I'm sorry to just interrupt you for a second. Can you just... I'm just trying to fix this ocean sound. I think maybe it's the two things rubbing up against each other. Give me that thing. We're just doing a thing everywhere. I'm pleased to be with us ocean sound. I think maybe it's the two things rubbing up against each other. Give me that thing.

We're just doing a thing, everyone. Please be with us. We're just doing a test. This guy stumbled into a really hot theory. Sorry, I got distracted by trying to fix this thing. What was the... What? Pretty much, do you think as the final season of the pod begins to wind down

that all reviewers should have to watch the films they review at least 52 times before the reviews can be taken seriously and all previous reviews be struck from history as feeble? We cannot possibly delve into why what you've just said is both timely and accurate, but hopefully with the fullness of time, this particular letter writer's memo, I want everyone listening right now to bookmark what has just been said yeah everyone please bookmark it because if things happen as they should you're going to be proved more right than nostradamus you are truly a fortune teller of the highest order keep up the good work boys the light is at the end of the tunnel now and while i'll be sad to hear the end i'm happy knowing that i always have three seasons of some truly

brilliant work that you can never take away no matter how much you try you rat bastards cheers zach shepherd zach shepherd may have written the best friend zone letter of of this current season yeah i was uh i i thought that was i mean barry allen got me yeah and then it kept me with um hopefully uh like we won't get into it but you'll see so i've looked up the wicker breaker there's a website called the wickerbreaker.com uh it's got some interesting imagery on here there's a sumo wrestler who's midia about to crush a chair underneath him from my understanding of physics um i don't know what it... So is he saying that this is where they watch

Southland Tale all the time? Once a week? Yes. You can hear the ocean, eh? I don't know what's causing that. Yeah, I don't know what's causing that either. Look, it's not going to be fixed, that's for sure. I'm going to have a look into that Wicker Breaker thing,

but I don't want to put out this idea that people are stealing our idea just by watching a movie multiple times i mean i think at a bare minimum we were probably influenced by the uh julian julia is that what it's called dude who baked all the recipes and kept watching that film over and over and over again yeah he's called julian juliet julian julia he wrote he wrote a blog every day can you imagine no it's so it's such a lonely pursuit to write by yourself every day you got to give it audio you got to breathe audio into it that's the secret jordan writes dear earthworm tim and 007 golden guy very strong opening i've only recently stumbled across your podcast and my life has become all the more richer as a result recently i was mindlessly scrolling through my facebook news feed only to stumble

across this article about an old sponsor of yours blaze pizza it's from forbes we'll get into the link later guy is shaking his head he looks distraught while i cannot help but rejoice in blaze pizza's rapid rise to the top of the fast food pyramid i can't help but feel that the fuck boys have been slighted with blaze pizza's success being attributed almost entirely to some young sports upstart called lebron james i'm not sure if this has been discussed amongst yourselves before, and if it has, I am sorry for opening up old wounds. Hashtag fuckboys.

Hashtag pay the boys. Hashtag pay the fuckboys. Yours forever, Jordan Hamill. P.S. If schedule allows, please come to the coolest little capital, Wellington, to record one of your remaining episodes. P.P.S. In the final scenes of We Are Your Friends,

when Zuccoli is playing his redemption song, he strikes the same synth key twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, what are we to believe? That this is some magical synthesizer or something? Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder. And let me tell you, Jordan, as two avid simpsons fans

nice one that's great stuff um the forbes link just so we're all aware the title of that is uh lebron james backed blaze pizza is growing his fastest growing restaurant chain ever um you know what it should say tim and Guy backed fast food restaurant Blaze Pizza is the fastest growing chain ever. Fucking hell. That's what it should say. You're dead on with those hashtags, Jordan. Hey, I got a big one here.

Really want to sort out this ocean noise, but now I'm kind of enjoying it. So go on. As your attorney in California, I'd like to discuss a couple of legal issues addressed in episode 47. First of all, Guy cannot sue Tim

because Tim does not care about his clothes unless the two of you entered into a contract where which Tim was obligated to care about his clothes. However, I feel a court would find this contract impossible to enforce, therefore releasing Tim from the obligation of caring about his clothes. Secondly, in order to find the fuckboy's guilty of manslaughter,

we first have to determine if it is voluntary or involuntary manslaughter. For it to be voluntary, we need to show they acted with a conscious disregard for human life, but acted without malice. This generally applies to crimes committed in the heat of passion, therefore malice does not exist. We're most likely looking at involuntary manslaughter because nothing indicates they wanted Squirrel Dead malice does not exist we're most lately looking at involuntary manslaughter because nothing indicates they wanted squirrel dead malice withstanding the best avenue conviction will be showing criminal negligence and buying and supplying squirrel with drugs that killed him

the movie glossing over any investigation of the source of squirrel's death is a legal inaccuracy these assholes should be staring at two to four years of prison time and that comes from our friend someone sm. Very good. Very good, Smith. Thank you for that legalese. So I kind of tuned in and out of that, I have to confess. I found it a little bit hard to follow with the technical language there. But the upshot seems to be that they would not, in all likelihood, be found guilty of manslaughter. No, they would.

Oh, manslaughter, yes. Murder, no. Yeah, so there's murder. Obviously, that's Murder, no. Yeah, but so there's murder. Yes. Obviously, that's the worst one. Yeah. And then there's voluntary manslaughter and involuntary manslaughter.

Yes. So if they had acted on passion in the moment. Yes. They could be convicted of voluntary manslaughter. But this is just carelessness. So this is just they plied squirrel with cheap drugs that they've got. So it will be involuntary manslaughter if they did stand trial. Right. Fucking good to know.

The more you know, eh? Holy shit. What? Big old one? Yeah. Well, here's a short one. Here's a little amused... Oh, no.

What do we call it? A sorbet in between. Ryan writes, Hey, Tim. I'm a big fan. Just suggesting you watch The Room 2 or Bride Mick for season four. Uh, I haven't,

I wasn't aware either of those were movies. First of all, The Room has a sequel? Sounds like it. Can you Google that? Yeah, yeah. And then,

I don't know what Bride, Bride Mick is. B-R-I-D-E-M-I-C. The Room 2 is a 2013 puzzle video game. A video game? Developed by British-based Fireproof Games as a sequel to The Room. Is it like, does it appear licensed?

Oh, man. Oh, Birdemic is how you pronounce it. Shock and Terror is the subtitle of that film. Came out in 2010. It has 1.8 out of 10 on IMDb. Which is pretty low. I'm looking at it here. 19% for Rotten Tomatoes.

Let me just... One moment, caller. We'll be right back. Still in it to win it. Give us your big message guy Okay Recently Tim started sharing theories about the American intelligence apparatus And it's founding

J. Edgar Hoover was not in fact president That was Herbert Hoover and had nothing to do with the CIA But he ran the Federal Bureau of Investigation for 40 years This one sounds familiar He kept in power by collecting blackmail information On every politician he could And outlasted five presidents. Yeah, haven't we read this one in the last Friend Zone?

I don't remember any of this information. Oh, okay. Keep going. The most infamous story about Hoover is that he was a cross-dresser. That is a myth. He did not dress as a woman for pleasure. Rather, he did it to assume his alter ego, K. Edna Schumer, and start the Federal Bear Council. Do you not remember this message? No. Okay, keep going. Kay Edna Schumer and start the Federal Bear Council Do you not remember this message? No

Okay keep going It's definitely been on It's bloody good keep going J. Edgar Hoover ran both the FBI and the FBI

while Kay Edna Schumer ran the FBC The truth is that Hoover was forced to create the Federal Bear Institute by a group of bear supremacists

who wanted to bend US policy towards bears. He had to assume a phony identity to fight back against the yearsign dominance. This ended with Hoover's death in 1972, but the legacy of bear politics lives on. Until recently, the director of the FBI, both of them, was James Comey, who was known for being anti-bear.

Comey's over two meters tall, and probably wrestled bears himself. The bears hated Comey, but couldn't overpower him by force, so they had to find another way. A couple months ago, President Donald Trump fired Comey. He said in an interview that he did it because he was trying to stop investigations

of his ties to Russia. Many people thought it was foolish to admit that publicly, but he was actually trying to send a coded message. What is the symbol of Russia? A bear. The bear. Trump is trying to tell people

that a group of bears are threatening him and his family, forcing him to fire the head of the FBI for being anti-bear. Congratulations on Tim for bringing attention to this issue but if you find yourself being followed by men in suits who try to look inconspicuous keep an eye on them are they actually several hundred pounds and covered in fur if so they might be disguised bears i'd keep some honey on you at all times just in case how do i not remember that at all i don't know because it's frankly hilarious has it been sent it must maybe it was sent as an email that you read to yourself it's possible no either way great just great stuff and

that is from uh that's from someone who lives in charleston south carolina which is obviously just south of the border where we'll find rally um and i got you know there's a lot of stuff happening in rally at the moment do you know that tim hit me what else is going on there uh apart from the urban outfitters well they've put in a bid let's face it the charlotte agenda 14 hours ago published an article saying let's face it rally has the better major league soccer bid so charlotte and rally the two biggest cities in the in the state are battling over who gets the rights to have a major league soccer team in their town. And someone from Charlotte, a sports writer named Andrew Dunn,

is conceding that Raleigh have a better case. They've got a better bid. So not only is the town of Raleigh going to get an Urban Outfitters, but it looks like they could also get a professional sports team playing the beautiful game. Charlotte's got the Hornets, eh?

Charlotte does have the Charlotte Hornets They play basketball I think Kemba Walker is their best player I think Scotty Pippen used to play for the Hornets Didn't he? Nah I think he played for the Trailblazers in his twilight years Although he might have bounced around a few teams

I'm not sure if you Really have me convinced that there's a ton going on there But They've got civic pride if you really have me convinced that there's a ton going on there, but I guess it's bubbling. They've got civic pride. I'll tell you that. Bubbling under the surface. Would you like me to continue

with a message from a man? Yes, please. The man writes, Dear Karkapo Tim and Haast Eagles guy. What? I love Haast Eagles. Who doesn't, eh? Fuck, they're good.

We don't... New Zealand, if you meet a New Zealander, they will talk to you about the Haast Eagles who doesn't eh fuck they're good we don't New Zealand if you meet a New Zealander they will talk to you about the Haast Eagle but we don't as a nation talk about the Haast Eagle

enough because it's extinct we're embarrassed because they're gone look at this look at this bird it was the biggest I think it was the biggest

well there's got to be an artist's rendition because they went around the same time as photographers were they? Yeah, no, this is not. There's no colour photos of a Haast's eagle.

This is an animation, Tim. Gotcha. Or like a construction. Yeah, it's certainly not. It's not the actual. It's not the bird. It's not the bird itself. I mean, it only went extinct, like, you know,

I think it was early 1800s or so. As the Moa went extinct, so too did the Haast's eagle because there was no prey for it. Yes. The moa was a big bird in New Zealand. In and of itself, the moa was big. That's right.

Massive. I think it grew to like two meters tall and the thing couldn't get off the ground. It wasn't built for flight. It could reach 3.6 meters in height with neck outstretched and weighed about 230 kilograms. So that's just a walking meat popsicle

for the Haast Eagle. It's just walking around going, eat me, eat me. And so they did. And then the indigenous people of New Zealand, the Maori, they hunted the moa to extinction because they were also like, that thing is fucking delicious. That big old meat popsicle is a bit of me.

Yum, yum. Hence, when the food source went, the house eagle went too. Anyway, off the bat, I love you boys. You are good, brave, strong, like the bull, but also sensitive boys. With or without kisses, your three seasons have been such gifts and I am grateful. Like my friend Josh, who led me your way And who mentioned his daily shining light highlight of the day tradition with a seven-year-old on a recent friend zone my wife and I And nearly three-year-old son also go around the dinner table each night and share our shining light of our respective days

guys very happy to hear this and so am I I suppose Sorry, I've fucked it up. I suppose this sort of implies that our days were all shit with the exception of the shining light. But hey, without the full TWIOT context, the shining light can just be what it sounds like. A beautiful, beautiful thing that can bring a goddamn family together on a nightly basis. Check out the attached recording if you'd like to hear an almost three-year-old ask me what my shining light is albeit in a hesitant after the fact way which really screams quote why are you pointing your phone at me and making me say this while i'm in

a bathtub and we didn't already do this once tonight papa on to the cannibalism oh okay this is changed tone you boys somehow seem to know everything about the United States of America, so I'm hoping you know about the Donner Party. I don't. 1846. Wagon train from the East Coast headed west to California, bogged down in heavy snows in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Starvation, eventual cannibalism, just to make it through the winter.

Well, here's where it gets interesting. Of the 87 people who started the journey, just 47 survived. Many via man-munching. Only two families survived intact, experiencing no deaths whatsoever. One of these families? The Reeds. Head boy of the family? James Reed.

Middle initial? F. James F. Reed. I'll give you one guess what the F is for. From the feelers, of course. I might mention now that James F. Reed killed a man earlier in the journey and was banished. On to the point. It is canon that James Reed from the feelers and We Are Your Friends is an empty devil vessel.

But hear me now, boys. It's not the first time the devil has been inside James Reed. It was the devil who possessed this 19th century James Reed to kill a man and was banished. It was the devil that allowed his entire family to survive the harrowing journey intact. It was the devil that made all those other people eat each other. The fact that James F. Reed later went on to resupply and rescue many of the party only further proves this devilishness, as the American West being successfully settled by European colonists

was emphatically evil for all the indigenous people of the region. If we were to really look into it, we may in fact find that the devil has been body hopping james reeds ever since his initial fall living forever via gold alchemy fusion process perhaps but maybe not forever now that the devil is has mentored zuccoli and has spawned in him that horrific movie ending dj track is his work finally done who knows who cares just had to chuck one message your way to let you know that you two fine kiwis have provided essentially the sole content that i consume in spare moments between the business of work and fatherhood for the last year and i thank you for twisting my mind in all good ways you are

all you are legends i look forward to the next chapter your five dollar patronizer alex jones not that alex jones for all you politics from Santa Cruz. A man capable of writing short messages, which I blame on my dad. Oh, incapable, like Marc Maron might. That was a great message. It was wonderful. I can't play that audio recording into this. I'm sorry.

Although I looked up the Donner Party of 1846, and the blurb that they provide on Wikipedia is much less. So we go into the whole cannibalism element. It just says, it was a group of American pioneers led by George Donner and James F. Reed who set out for California in a wagon train in May of 46. They were delayed by a series of mishaps and mistakes and spent the winter of 1946 to 47 snowbound in the Sierra Nevada.

Would you call cannibalism a mishap or a mistake? I think if you were a descendant of, I don't know if either a donner or a reed has been editing the Wikipedia page, but I think maybe you would. Do you want to round off? Yeah, I'll round it out with a lovely message of hope. Hey, Alex, thank you that um tremendous outpouring of theorizing and family love it was wonderful our friend so hello timbo and guy guy if you read this

on the friend zone please don't use my name massive fan of the potty what's his name i'm just james james morrison morrison i've been listening to season two as this season comes to a close many happy memories as you two wonderful boys losing your mind. Help me get through my first year of teaching. Slow it down a bit, guy. Anyway. Enjoy yourself. Messaging to say I got a date.

Woo! Connecting with a girl discussing your podcast. Yes! Boy! We're going to get some flaming hot java in the cold streets of Melbourne next week with any like. Good luck as you two come closer to the end. All the best, guys. Good luck on your date, James, James, Morrison, Morrison.

Tell you what, those Melbourneites, gorgeous people. Yeah. Dreamy men and women. They don't mind. A good cup of java. Oh, what just happened there? Mine is cut out. Oh, but I'm back. We're still going.

Okay, we're still here. Oh, man. Gorgeous people of every stripe out. Oh, but I'm back. We're still going. Okay, we're still here. Oh, man. Gorgeous people of every stripe in Melbourne. So I hope you enjoy your date. I hope it goes well. And if anyone's listening out there and has been brought together with their beloved by the virtue of the worst idea of all time

and you've got a kid, let us know because we're still... Oh, wait. Have we been contacted? Have we got the first worst idea kid yet? Do they exist? I think maybe. I don't think we know about them yet officially on the record and i i would love one output for this whole project to be a human life a human life that is a lot of responsibility to take on tim

uh also quite quickly like to say that to eric and those of you at home will remember this uh uploaded an entirely remixed version of the worst idea of all time. Oh my god, yeah. Who just said it. I'm downloading this file now. And I'm telling you, Tim, and you, our friend listening at home. The next screening of We Are Your Friends will be this version. Although you're going to, while listening, get a whole lot of wow we'll have to

look at them but director's commentaries before then yes anyway all that to say thank you for listening thanks for writing in always a pleasure to hear from you oh and can i just give a quick shout out to my mate guy montgomery who's a fucking champ and uh he's a cool guy absolutely that's exactly what the friend zone's for i wish i wish i had someone to to shout out to but maybe next week go fuck yourself well it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with tim and guy because making friends is the best idea of all time