The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Fifty Three

Episode Date: August 13, 2017

Timbly is socilating for knife advice and the masses are happy to olbige. We got kiwi fans in Slovakia, we got short films starring Guy Montgomery, we got it all baby! Also, if you're in Christchurch or Wellington - please see us live this week! blazepizza.co.nz for tickets! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.

Well, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone. And have a good time, yes, it's the friend zone. Tim and Guy, cause making friend zone And have a good time, yes it's the friend zone Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time correct anyone can say they're an Esquire you don't even have to be a lawyer we had a 10 minute conversation that didn't record properly so we started again and we had a uh moderate length chat about the title Esquire and it turns out I can't use it if I'm not a lawyer well according to Guy I didn't actually check that anywhere yeah I made it up and now I don't even have the conviction to support my lie 10 minutes later hey look the friendzone is a place for all of our friends

to get together and hang out. I love it. You love it. And, Tim, I've got a visitor's post on our Facebook page for the worst idea of all time here. Fuck yeah. From a guy called, and I can say his name because that's just on the record, that's public,

Eli Mulvey. And he's written, Boys, you're good boys. Not at all stabby boys. Pissed. Hey, anybody want to be enabled? And he's sent a link to a website called theawesomer.com. And on theawesomer.com, there's an article called 20 Great Flipper Knives. Wait.

Okay, I'm going to bring this up now. Choosing a pocket knife can be a daunting task. There are so many designs and quality is all over the map. Fortunately, our pals at Everyday Carry have sifted through the crowd to pick out 20 of their favorite flipper blades you can buy, no matter your budget. One thing holding me back with that is I think, unfortunately, they're illegal in New Zealand. Yeah. Which, I mean, as a level...

Budget's one thing, but the law of the land is another, isn't it? Well, I think, yeah, also just you don't need another knife, so that doesn't strike me as necessary. But rest assured, we appreciate the sentiment. I will say this, easy on the recommendations of places to buy knives would be my main note. As in don't do more of it? No, I don't think our knife quota is good right now. I don't think we need to do anything to change it

Let me actually just cut in if I may Guy, I completely disagree with you Please, if anyone's got some little nooks and crannies online or maybe knows about some shops around central Auckland Let us know, drop us a line

Always looking for this knife outlet. Really no need. No, it's a good thing. Well, it's a good thing until it isn't, you know? Exactly. That's how that works. Why do you want to own multiple knives?

Self-defense? No, certainly not. Not to use on people. Gross. Well, except maybe to freak him out. But just you, when I'm saying people. I just mean you. They're still using it on a person.

I guess it is, in a way. I'm a person. No, no. Knives are for whittling. I've never seen you whittle anything. Yeah, but it's the intention of whittling. It's nice to have the option. Hey, are you going to read that wonderful message again from Comrade Claudia?

She didn't describe herself as Comrade Claudia. That's something. That's the title that I attach to her. Yeah, I'll read it. It's a good time. Hey, boys. Hey, Claudia. Here's a cheeky message. I just heard from you before, but you know I will know that because it's on a

lost recording. Here's a cheeky message for the friends on XA. Dear Tim and he snicket and Guy Mogo, I'm writing to say a quick thanks, bros, for the hours of entertainment. You sound tired, Guy. Are you tired? Yeah. Why are you so tired? I went to a reggae gig last night called Lion Rockers Hi-Fi.

I actually drove past you in an Uber, but I think you had headphones in. We were screaming at the top of our lungs at about one in the morning. Oh, really? Yeah, along K Road. Oh, no way. Yeah, man. We would have tried to get you in the car, but it was pretty full. I was having a pretty good walk, actually.

Yeah, it looked like it. Was I eating onion rings? Not that I could see, but you were not wearing a lot of clothes. You just had a T-shirt on in the middle of the night. Yeah. I was worried about you. Was I eating onion rings? Not that I could see, but you were not wearing a lot of clothes. You just had a T-shirt on in the middle of the night. I was worried about you. No, it's because I've been skanking so hard. Good shit.

It was mean. I was skanking the whole night through, and I'm tired now. I've been listening since I heard Guy talk about the worst idea of all time on the Edge radio station. And I would like to say this. I don't know how many people we would have won over through that specific, you know, like, I don't know how many people who listen to very popular commercial radio station here in New Zealand, the Edge,

and would have heard my sort of pathetic three-minute interview to try and plug some tickets to a comedy show and a fleeting mention of the podcast. It's great to have... It seems an insane proposition that anyone start listening to the podcast off the back of that. Yeah, but here we are with Claudia. It goes to show you, doesn't it, the system works.

Yeah, the system does work, and things are how they are for a reason, so don't ask too many questions. On the Edge Radio station sometime during season one, that's right, you read correctly. I'm one of the fabled listeners from the land of the long white cloud. And to all of our fabled listeners in the land of the long white cloud, we are

performing live shows very soon next week on Thursday the 17th and Friday the 18th of August in Wellington and Christchurch respectively. It's a live podcast and a split bill stand-up show tickets are 20 find the link on the internet probably the facebook page i think because you put on the poster in fact i

should try this now if you go to blaze pizza blaze pizza.co.nz uh let me just check that this works while i've while i've got you oh that computer's taken longer than I thought it was. I'll just keep reading. Yeah, it sounds like a good plan. I fell behind the potty mid-season three, but I've recently gotten back on the bandwagon. I've had you in my ears as I travel solo around Europe, currently writing this in Slovakia, yet somehow in English, not Slovak,

which I guess is the name of their native language, or Slovakian. I feared I had missed out on the opportunity for a friend's own shout-out, but have been saved by the incredibly poor decision-making of one Mr. Timbant. That's me. Who added in extra aid watches for some insane reason. Also me. As I am but a poor nomad,

I haven't been able to contribute to pay the boys movement, and I left NZ just before the comedy fest. I thought the least I could do before you wrap up this hot mess is say a heartfelt thank you for subjecting yourself to such horrors to continue to entertain the fans. I look forward to your future endeavors and hope that they are not so harrowing. Thank you, you brave, silly boys from Claudia. And then in parenthesis, say it with sort of a smug face like, yeah, go on.

And then P.S. I once saw Tim at Kiss Kiss on Dominion Road. I approached him to say hi, but he was the rudest asshole I've met in my life. I'm yet to see Guy in the Flesh. Hold on now. I think you've changed that since last we read it. What do you mean?

Well, the first time you read this message, at that point in the letter, Claudia had said that she was too intimidated to come and say hello to me because I was with a big group of people at Kiss Kiss. I misread that. Did you? Yeah, yeah. Well, isn't it fortuitous that you got a second go around to correct your mistake? I know, that is good luck. Otherwise

you know, here we would have been not knowing what a terrible guy you are. I'm yet to see Guy in the Flesh, but I did see a short film about shrooms at the Film Fest in Auckland once, and it was great. And to that I said, and will say again, I haven't actually publicly shared that video anyway.

It's a very good short movie I made with my friend Ryan, and I'm going to post it on the Worst Idea of All Time Facebook page. So if you want to watch something and criticise it, which I imagine everyone would do because that's what I'd do if someone who made a podcast about watching a movie over and over and over again did, if they released a movie

I would uphold that to an unreasonable level of scrutiny You know that book So You've Been Publicly Shamed John Ronson, fantastic read. We should release a book about our stratospheric rise to the internet top called So You've Been Shared. So You've Been Publicly Cheered. Shared.

So You've Been Publicly Shared. You know, like a viral. Yeah. You know, like a share, like a retweet. But who's been publicly shared we have how through the podcast yeah you know we should write a book about how some people know us because of this podcast yeah that sounds terrible doesn't that sound like the best book never written no no no not at all that is putting me even chapter one yeah humble beginnings i know it will describe our respective individual upbringings in christchurch

new zealand oh my god jewel of the south island jewel of the south pacific this is already the most boring book i've ever heard have you got any messages tim it was a a frosty august the 19th okay um shut her down tim writes dear akira uh timisawa and kazoo kazoo mayogawa i'd written to you some time ago and was happy to hear that you find folks react to my letter with genuine joy despite its PayPal-induced jumbledness. Due to a... I'm going to increase the size of this text. Due to a collision of my own need to send you a fixed version of your, quote, no previous screening policy, you then had another go at it, much more exhausted angry tone you are good boys you are brave boys but sometimes you are tired and irritable boys and i feel almost blessed seeing the same material recanted through both

sides of the janice mask jonas mask is that familiar you know what that's in reference to? It's got a capital J Janus Mask It must be something Yeah, some smart thing we don't know about Sorry, we're dum-dums To make your final viewings a bit less dire I've managed to dig up the sad truth behind We Are Your Friends franchise

Maximum Joseph had planned a whole fuckboys hexology Set up as six episodes where every important character gets their perspective told What we see in We Are Your Friends is just Zuccoli's perspective Yes, I've read that right. Zuccoli does not realise that he sucks at what he does, so he hates himself and everyone around it. He wants to make music, damn it, but no one wants to show any real respect for his work. Sadly, the first film was never successful

enough to secure funding for five sequels. They would have been. We Are Your Story. Somaly is elevated from a flat love interest to a fully fleshed out character with friends, family and aspirations. There was actually a whole lot going on in her life. Huh, who would have thought?

We Are Your Parents. Jarhead reconnects with Jar Dad and Jar Mom. It's a very sweet film, thought? We Are Your Parents Jarhead reconnects with Jar Dad and Jar Mom It's a very sweet film, really We Are Your Thoughts Slowed down footage of all scenes with James Reid from The Feelers From the first film, overdubbed with two and a half hours of Wes Bentley montage We would have finally found out what his emotions were When he purchased the MacBook Pro box for Zicoli

Alas, we'll never find out It's just so, it's the word I think is monologue, not montage. Oh, sorry. I beg your pardon. It's Wes Bentley narrating the character's feelings over footage of his character. That makes more sense. We are your stars.

Black and white short film that tastefully pitches page having intercourse with a wheelbarrow full of diamonds. We are your life. Quote, what really happened to Squirrel in that fateful pool party? I hear you ask. Well, he never really died. This final film delves into the fact

that everyone around Squirrel assumes he is dead. It follows him even deeper into the underbelly of Los Angeles as he unravels a conspiracy that will shake you to the core. There is no film for Johnny Depp because he is and will always remain a character without perspective.

Sorry for the high word count. Yours in suffering, Tim. What is he, attempted to write out his own last name and then got bored halfway through? Wolfenstein. Because we did that last time. We fucked up the pronunciation of his sentence. Today.

You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.

Last time. I think we just ran with Wolfenstein. PS, oh yeah, say my name of course again. Cool, done. Tim, amazing work. Love what you've done with the place. A hexology is not a term of art that I hear very often or ever. It's what you've described as essentially a Netflix series.

You know. What else is a hexology? What is there six of? Star Wars? There's enough of them. There's a lot of James Bonds. There's more than six. Yeah, that's true.

That's a multiplicity. I will say this, though. It's interesting. In a lot of the correspondence we have about Squirrel, the character and what his true backstory might be, most of it is suggesting that he survives, that in some way he's faked his death or is capable somehow of outliving his experience

on that mortal coil. The whole notion of the sequel where Squirrel is alive again, he says the last words of the film. It's interesting that that's a recurring motif. Makes me believe in it, I suppose you could say. I think people really like to latch on to the idea that no one dies in the film because it doesn't really have a tone

that suggests a character's going to be killed off. You think you're there for a good, low-drama time with some fuckboys and some drugs and some dance music, and then all of a sudden just like life, sometimes it gets a little dark. Yeah, life is a cruel mistress.

But in the words of, what's his name from Jurassic Park? Jeff Goldblum. In the words of Jeff Goldblum, Look at that dinosaur. Finds a way. Both great quotes. Hey boys, with only a short amount of time till the end of this merry jaunt

I thought I would drop your line and say thanks do a voice for me guy I love your voices you're so good at them okay I don't know where this guy's from hold on

say he's from Ireland he's from Limerick hey boys with only a short amount of time till the end of this merry jaunt I thought I would drop your line and say thanks, wherever that's from.

Fucking hell. I stumbled onto you through Thrilling Adventure Hour and your rewrite of Grown Ups 2 and have been hooked ever since. Uh-huh. I even managed to see Guy Guy at the Perth Fringe this year.

Oh, cool. I was visiting from Limerick and had a blast. Where was he actually visiting from? I think he might actually be from Perth. Oh, right. Still, no luck catching Timbo, though. Why are you laughing at that?

Because of my... Oh, you're angry. I'm not. I can't. I don't have the energy. I'm sorry. I'm going to just go regular style. Oh, guy.

I had a thought the other... Guy, I'm not going. I had a thought the other day whilst listening to a friend's on and heard Tim mention rolling onto 60 watches of the fuckboys and I'd like to share it with you as follows. Well, I surely would love to hear it.

Don't go to 60. There's nothing there for you but the potential lost of your last shreds of sanity. You don't know that, man from Limerick. Instead, I offer a different end to your journey of years. Why don't I have an epic session? A day of disaster. And round out the whole thing by going back to your roots.

Begin early with a watch and review of Where Are Your Friends? Then watch Sex and the City 2. And then hit an ultimate climax with Grown Ups 2. Thus you get back to the origins of the potty and I get to hear the dulcet strains of Patty Schwartz Party Time once more. Or hit 52, Shut Up Shop, and leave me to rely on your websites to find out when you will grace West Australia with your presence and I can come and watch your shows.

I would love to pay the boys, but I'm currently saving for a wedding. Tim, you may be able to sympathize here. And things are a little tight right now, but I'd like to say thank you for so many years of awesome, and this potty will be greatly missed, though I will keep an eye on what you end up doing. Thanks for everything, lads. Best of luck in the future.

Luke from WA. I will say this, Luke. There is something that is very appealing to me about what you proposed. Revis say this, Luke. There is something that is very appealing to me about what you proposed. Revisiting those other films. Yeah, I guess so. There is something attractive about that. What I had envisaged for post-podcast,

just because he brought it up, is, so say we lob it off at 52, and from then on, I construct a contraption that points 60 GoPros both on me and outward. So 30 are on me and 30 are facing outward. And henceforth, for all of my waking hours of the day, I'm in this suit. And so people can just tune in and follow my

life in this suit from there on in. And that's it? That's the whole thing. There's no effort beyond just broadcasting constantly. It's called Tim 360. It's called The Truman Show but you know so it's different. Yeah. And there's

more cameras. I think. I'm not sure how many they had in the Truman Show. They must have had a lot. I actually really want to re-watch that movie. I didn't see it when it came out. I watched it quite recently, like four or five years ago, and fuck, it's good.

I'm not sure if I've ever actually seen it. It's really good. I'll be sure to check it out. Hey, Matthew writes, Matthew, first of all, got a small dump truck of money and shouted it on us, guy. Do you want to know how much? Yeah, well, I... 7,500 cents, US.

Oh, that is so generous. Fucking tremendous. Matthew writes, Hey, boys, I'm going to email you a fuller message. But this is money to say thank you for a hilarious show over the last three years. And as a gift to treat yourselves for a night at the pictures, seeing a film you actively want to watch. Enjoy from Matthew.

And now I'm going to find Matthew's. Oh, why are you touching me? I'm not touching you. God, it's the rat. Jesus Christ. A rat from Elsie. Well, you wouldn't get this in the audio version of the podcast, which is the only way it exists but guy just picked up a uh hand crafted material rat and just gently gingerly

while i was looking the opposite nuzzled your neck nuzzled my neck it freaked me right out matthew writes hi there tim battle cat and flash flush flesh i've been listening to you good boys since the mElroy brother started raving about you. I've been consumed all your shows since then. Many are the, uh, many other times I've laughed out loud whilst on a train tube or walking

through London because of your shenanigans. Watching movies is one of my favorite things to do. I love going to the cinema and seeing something great. Then discussing it with friends. In fact, this year, uh, a friend and I started a podcast to catch her up in all the classic films. She's it with friends. In fact, this year, a friend and I started a podcast

to catch her up on all the classic films she's never seen. Parentheses. And we're talking major classics like Die Hard, Ghostbusters, Jaws, and When Harry Met Sally. I've referenced the worst idea a couple of times because whilst we're watching a movie every week and we're getting to see a different great movie... Wait. Whilst we're watching a movie every week and we're getting to see a different great movie. Wait.

Whilst we're watching a movie every week. Is that thunder? Yeah, that's thunder, dude. Jesus Christ. You've not heard thunder before? It would just seem very close. And it's not that cloudy. Do you know what causes thunder?

Wait a minute. Is that North Korea? Nah, nah. Oh, God. I hope not. It's when clouds crash into each other. Oh, really? Yeah, there are no road rules up there.

They're not following the giveaway rules correctly. Well, they don't have giveaway rules. They don't have giveaway signs. Far out. So why would they have rules for something which doesn't exist? I've got to have another run at this sentence. Where was I? Good luck, Tim.

You can do it, buddy. I've referenced Worst Idea a couple of times because whilst we're watching a movie every week, we're getting to see a different movie, a different great movie every week. What you two have done has been an amazing insight into improvisation, obstinate

commitment, and movie analysis. I've loved it all, and you have earned much gratitude for the gift of the show. When you wrap up this season, I would like, as a thank you, to treat you two gents for a night at the movies. I've transferred what should equate to $100 to your PayPal. This should cover tickets for you both along with two

guests of your choosing, hopefully with something left for a snack or beer to enjoy. I've supported the production of shows through the Patreon campaign, so this is very much intended to treat yourselves This man Is very generous Yeah there's no denying that

You don't have to talk to anyone about the films afterwards You only have to watch it once Please enjoy yourselves Thanks a lot All the best Say my name Matthew Voss P.S. I'd rather you didn't take the walkout

You didn't take the walkout boys Because those heathens Do not know how to appreciate the cinema-going experience. I see. PPS. No obligation but a selfie on Twitter when you get to see the movie would make my little heart happy. PPPPS. A podcast co-host works in the town of Raleigh, North Carolina. I can't say it properly, though.

Really? We have a UK bicycle company By the same name With a different pronunciation PPPPS I'd love to have you each On the podcast Talk about your favourite Classical movies

Classic movies sometimes I'll drop you a note When you finish the show Hopefully you've got time To do guest appearances What is your favourite Classic movie? Kind of depends how you define

Classic in a way Oh it's a good question Do you know It kind of depends how you define classic in a way. Oh, it's a good question. Do you know, it does depend how you define classic. I mean, Ferris Bueller's Day Off will always have a special place in my heart. That does hold a real bloody special place for you, doesn't it? It's a very well-made film, I think. It's got more in there than you first think. That scene where they're trick the They're trekking around Chicago

And they go to the MoMA or something And they're just looking at all this fine art And it's just this wonderful little scene That they popped in there Set to music I don't think there's any dialogue And Cameron has a bit of introspection Looking at a painting called

I think the name of it is Saturday in the Park. Yeah. Yeah. This whole musical. Saturday in the Park. You're not sure you're just thinking of the video clip for Saturday in the Park by Chicago?

No. I think you might be. Maybe I am. No, you're probably not, dude. My favorite? Fuck, I don't even know. Dude, I think you might need to go to bed or have a coffee or something. You sound low energy to me.

You're low energy Jeb all of a sudden. And you used to be high energy Don. I've never been either of those guys. But I will say this. You're not wrong. Maybe I have a coffee. I want to have a coffee. Should we go get a coffee

before you go for your dinner? It's 10 to 6. Yeah, what's the problem? Who serves coffee at 10 to 6? We'll find it.

It's Auckland. Hey, I'd like to thank everyone for tuning in. I would like to especially thank everyone who's thrown us some money because by gum,

I can't imagine we deserve it, but boy, do we appreciate it. Yeah, yeah. And I would like to especially thank everyone Who's thrown us some money Because by gum I can't imagine we deserve it But boy do we appreciate it Yeah yeah And I would also like to just remind everyone That we will be doing shows Lickety Split in Christchurch And Wellington This week Snap the tickets up fast

Tell friends If you know anyone who's in the surrounding areas Shoot them a text message An email Or facsimile Don't send a fax We don't want those fucking surrounding areas, shoot them a text message, an email, or facsimile. Don't send a fax. We don't want those fucking Luddites at our shows.

Just quickly, someone's posted on our wall called Danny Drew. Danny Drew. Boys, this is big. New York City rat trainer and apparent religious leader, I suspect ties to Brady. It's a link to a page for this person called zardaloo and if you go to the page there's an image of someone in a mask and sort of robes looking at a rat how many uh likes or whatever has it got how do you tell i don't know has it got has it got like a about bit on there or something it It's got an about. It typically replies within days.

An artist. About. Nah, this is a secretive. Oh, I like that. Oh, I'm intrigued. You got me on the baited hook now. Nah, this guy doesn't know shit about rats. His photos are all kinds of stuff.

It's just some artist with a photo of a rat. We've been played. We had a great clean out Reminding everyone that we're doing shows in Christchurch and Wellington You can go to blazepizza.co.nz to get the tickets And then you win and ruin Yeah, hey Tim That's just it man

Fuck you Well it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy Come to the friend zone And have a good time Yes it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with tim and guy cause making friends is the best idea of all time

today you ready okay let's go the hunt for the wildest movie of the summer ends here this is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately borderlands now playing