The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Forty Four

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

Sponsored by COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZBest friends Timbo and Guyguy have just woken up and results have varied! Monty's rocking a crocky voice and troubles with techniology, Tim is adonning an upbeat attitude and a bright business idea involving desserts. Great letters this week and too many shout outs for live shows. Plus technical errors a plenty - enjoy.Trailer: Boners of The Heart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for downloading this Little Empire podcast. This show has a real-life, live-record event that you can come to in Auckland, New Zealand during the NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. Deets and tickets at comedyfestival.co.nz. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome along to the friendzone episode 44 with me, a croaky voiced Guy Montgomery. And myself, a fresh faced, clean cut, every teen loves him, Tim Batt. That is certainly generous praise you've given yourself but yeah i was disagree i was trying to

like go for teen heartthrob status but i didn't quite stick the landing and now it just sounds a bit creepy doesn't it yeah man how are you uh pretty good just trying to bat off all these teens who are chasing me down everywhere which is tiring they are very energetic always commit to the gag god i respect the shit out of you tim i'm trying to be funnier guy because often when i ring you during these early morning records you're just a box of birds cracking me up on the other end of the line and i'm dragging my sorry ass out of bed and when i rang you moments ago and uh had a little off mic riff about threatening to release some blackmail material about you uh you were not

having it yeah yeah that sweet little riff where you said that you had deeply compromising footage of me that you were going to test the markets for yeah yeah i thought that was a pretty nice little comedy riff to start the day is this first first thing for you like you haven't had a coffee or anything nah i woke up at nine to talk to you and you bumped me i'm so sorry okay and it was uh and i have just been in bed just checking out some different corners of the internet really yeah hey what's going on on there i haven't been to the internet for a while oh look to be honest the main thing was pretty unexciting tim i was um watching super rugby highlights they do they put up really good videos really quickly after the games so i haven't seen a full super rugby highlights they do they put up really good videos really quickly after the

games so i haven't seen a full super rugby game all season but i've watched all the highlight videos oh that's good is that sky sport that puts them up have they got all the rights no man i never go to sky sport i go to the super rugby website is that what sky sport sky it's got to be the worst most disrespectful company in the world. Yeah, okay. Let's get into it, bro. All right. Hey, Sky, if you're listening, fuck yourself.

Straight up. Sky have discontinued. They used to offer the ability to buy different sports packages on the website. Yeah. Sort of at cheaper rates. Is that like season passes for hockey or whatever? Yeah could buy you could buy it to the games that you want to see you could buy you know the games that you want to actually watch and they've just pulled it all off the internet as if to say oh no that's a bit of a dead duck and they're just charging like

a premium you have to subscribe to sky sports through the decoders, through, like, TV. And it's just like, you can't put your head in the sand forever, Sky, you fucking dickheads. That seems like the most backward move. 2017 Sky, for God's sake. It's a very cynical cash grab. Duncan Grieve wrote about it on the website, the spinoff. Do you think that there will be a headline pretty soon

in, like, the National Business Review that says the sky is falling i certainly hope so it'll it's probably already happened to be honest if we both arrived simultaneously it's probably not quite as clever as i thought i only got i only got to it simultaneously because you gave me a really nice lead in tim for what it's worth oh thanks buddy hey should we dip into our little mailbag because people get in touch with us um because of the podcast that we do the worst idea of all time mine's actually looking a little light this week which i completely understand because i tell you what um our release schedule has been hampered slightly by the fact that guy and i've been um flying around different cities and countries doing comedy festivals recently um so let's let's get in

and that the truth yeah well i've got a pretty light one as well but i've got a very urgent one to begin with tim oh and let me hear it this um this message it starts with a very beautifully rendered uh and like very stylistically unique image of us that a fan has made. Fan art, if you will. And this is the message it comes with. I received it in my Guy Montgomery comedian Facebook page. It said, Hey Guybo, long story short,

after PayPal-ing, emailing Tim's Gmail, and tweeting at you both, I realized that my attempt at being casual about how much I like the podcast and how much I want you to both see the poster I made for you may have gone off the rails somewhere. So here I am, having reactivated the Facebook account I deactivated some years ago. This may sound like I've reached a real low point, but I just want to show some appreciation for you good boys. Obviously, I'll also be using this reactivated account to stalk

former friends, colleagues, ex-boyfriend who now has a baby. But the main reason I'm back on here is to tell you that both you and Tim have been a huge inspiration to me getting my shit together and quitting the job I hated in order to move on to things I'd actually like to do with my life. Listening to you two slowly lose your minds in the best way possible has given me motivation and countless laugh out loud moments over the past three years. I know it must be ridiculous, but I hope you can appreciate the fact that you've been a hella positive influence on my life all the way here in England. So as a thank you, I hope you like this picture I went and drew for you

as Rat Kings. It's been difficult to explain to people when they'll ask me what I'm drawing. Every day, people either aren't ready to have their minds blown by the history and mythology of Brady the Rat King, or they're scared of the truth. You're doing God's work.

I hope the comedy fest has been amazing will continue to be so and i definitely hope you enjoy this installment of getting sentimental with a complete stranger on the internet sorry for taking so much up sorry for taking up so much of your time all the best grace and then it says ps the message i sent with on paper was about a month and a half ago and included an unhinged rant about the correct pronunciation of rally. Obviously rally, as you well know. Rally was named after Sir Walter Rally. And here's a clip from Have I Got News For You where they have the same debate on pronunciation.

And then there's a YouTube link. Team Rally for life. And then the image is so amazing. I messaged back immediately when I got this. We'll read this out in the next Friends Over Shore. This is incredible. She said, no sweet Bob I got this. We'll read this out in the next friend zone for sure. This is incredible. She said, no sweet Boba feet. It's A3 in size.

I don't know if you'd want it or if anyone would want it, but if you want to sell it as a poster or something, you'd be more than welcome to. I'll catch you on the friend zone. Also, if you're wondering what Brady looks like now, I should look no further. And then a link to an image of Brady or Joseph Pupo. Man, okay. I've got so much and can i say this tim yeah

yeah yeah puberty has not been kind to joseph wait a minute to joseph who are you talking about to max joseph poopo is the man who plays brady oh i beg your pardon right gotcha um holy shit grace first of all as guy was talking I think I've found does grace's surname start with an h or h depending on your yes nationality starts with an h it never starts with a h I I did receive letter I received your email at the time grace and um it was amazing and I actually showed guy at the time, Grace, and it was amazing. And I actually showed Guy at the time too. Do you remember seeing this artwork in late March? No, I don't, Tim. Oh, shit.

Maybe I showed my girlfriend Zoe because I was so goddamn impressed with it and I loved it so much. I'm so sorry that I didn't read it out on the friend zone. That's fucking awful. But let's get past that. Let's get past all the bad things that is super duper awesome that you managed to get your shit together um and that uh for some reason we were tangentially related to that process happening you claim that though grace

you did that yourself and i'm glad that we were along for a little bit of the ride but i'm just i'm stoked to hear that you're obviously a very talented artist um i'm going to put this piece of art up on our facebook page right now uh so that everyone can enjoy grace's work and uh let's get that bad boy um maybe on as a poster right that would be the way to do it wouldn't it you just You just put it up as a, if you download the image, you can just put it up as a photo and people will go crazy. Oh, no, totally.

But I mean, I'll put it up on Facebook but then maybe we should also get that thing as a poster. Raise some funds. Oh, yeah. Maybe for Grace herself. I'd be interested,

actually, Grace, if you're listening, I would love to know what you're doing. What were you doing and what are you doing now? I want to know your story. Oh, wow. And thank you so much for the heartfelt message and the art.

The art is super dope. And now everyone's going to get to enjoy your gift. So well done there. Marvellous. That's marvellous. Sorry for my little coughs, everybody. I don't mean to do them. They're just happening.

I'm just going to bring up a message because some absolute legendary cowboy of the internet named Nicholas has given us 50 cold hard American bucks. And in his PayPal message just said, please refer to my email. So here it is. Dear Tim and Guy guy long time listener just wanted to drop a quick note to say that tom walker's dead serious analysis of the fuck boys alignments in episode 40 was one of my all-time favorite moments on the podcast would love to see some more detailed character sheets for the boys thought i might have to go at races and classes based on zero watches of the

film so guy are you much of like a kind of rpg have you had an experience in that realm i have not but i'm a quick learner you kind of know how it works though you've usually got um like wizards or kind of magic types or you've got tanks or like physical kind of fighting types yeah anyway this is, this is what Nicholas has written down. And Nicholas's last name... Oh, he's just included it. Fuck it, I'm going to say it. I'm going to just assume that he wants me to say it.

It's Litzow. Zuccoli. Race. Half-elf. Class. Bard. Alignment. Neutral good.

Notes. Proficient in unarmed strike. Jarhead. Race. Human. Class. Barbarian. Alignment. Cha good. Notes, proficient in unarmed strike. Jarhead, race, human, class, barbarian. Alignment, chaotic neutral. Notes, path of the berserker. Johnny Depp, race, human, class, thief. Alignment, neutral evil.

Notes, neutral evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents pure evil without honour or scruples. Tom was spot on. Skrill, race, gnome class wizard alignment lawful good notes highly intelligent vulnerable to poison this seems to me to be a reasonably balanced party furthermore it makes sense that squirrel is the first to die since he probably has the fewest hit points interested in your thoughts and looking forward to a worst idea adventure zone crossover episode sending over 50 gp for your troubles and i think that's like a um video game term for gold points or gold pieces yeah yeah uh keep up the brave adventuring nick al nick that's so much money. Thank you so much.

And fuck, I love this. I'm all about this. This is great. In fact, I might, maybe alongside the art from Grace, I'll include this text that you've given us as well, Nick. And I would love for someone to... Frankenstein social media posts. Well, one's visual and one's like text, you know.

Because I would love um similar to the fantastic poster that uh i'm going to try and find the person's name to credit them that we've got already of of the four boys that we've been using as merch for a little while um it would be great to get like a someone who's an artist who's got a bit of time to do like a a rendering of these character types you know over the top of the law that we have laid down i think that'd be amazing but um nick from the bottom of our heart thank you so much yes nick thank you and this is uh this is just sort of a news insert that i'm putting on on the um on the friend zone because it broke this morning, and I think it's amazing,

is 204 Ocean Avenue, Marblehead, Massachusetts, the house where the much-talked-about film Grown Ups 2 was largely set, Adam Sandler and Selma Hayek's house, that was torn asunder by a deer, is on the market. Oh, no, it's just sold. Oh, did it sell? Yeah, it was on the market, but it sold. And it sold for $5.8 million American dollars.

God damn it. It's got seven beds, seven full bedrooms, two half baths, whatever that means. Two and a half bathrooms. Have you clicked through, no not extensively i think i saw it on my cell phone it's this is the house and i feel like they certainly use the facade of the house and i think they use the real foyer in the movie because the stairwell looks like the one that the deer comes down but then otherwise they kind of i mean this is quite an opulently designed house.

That's also right on the water. And it feels insane to me that they didn't take advantage of that as a filming option. I mean, he's all about having a relaxing time on set. Too hard. Down the beach. Too hard. You get the bloody most just drinking from it constantly. It'd be no good.

There's an Elvis pinball machine inside of the house. There's so many rooms, dude. Does it say how many rooms? I might have missed that when you said that before. There are seven beds and seven full bathrooms and two half bathrooms. Gotcha. Half bathroom, is that usually just a toilet in real estate terms? I don't know.

Never bought a house before. I guess so. It's a three-story house. It was built in 1900. And apparently this seven-bedroom house is for a single family. Fuck, man.

It's got a porch, a deck. Who is this single family? Do you want to hear what this house has got? You go on. These are the exterior and lot features porch deck patio covered patio deck balcony in-ground pool cabana it comes with gutters dude it's got gutters hey we're about spa i'm sorry i interrupted guy no no you're right do you want to see where it is. I've got a terrible habit of interrupting people and I need to get better at not doing it. No, you're right, man.

I love you. Please tell me where it is. Please don't ignore me when I say I love you next time. It's in Massachusetts. Guy, I love you too. And Massachusetts. Looks like we're going to Massachusetts. And, bless you, attempting to raise 6 million US dollars.

Yeah, dude. So we've got to offer slightly more. Go through a bit on the house on arrival. it's also got a professional landscaping sprinkler system decorative lighting garden area guest house stone wall um just so cool and i'm pretty sure elizabeth warren's the senator in massachusetts so that'll be fun too she's a good yeah that'd be great oh i'm looking at it on google maps now i'm seeing exactly where the house this is actually getting pretty fucking crazy are you actually quite keen to put a bit in bro well it's already been bought but it's right next to the marblehead

neck wildlife sanctuary and why didn't they get a real fucking moose then they probably had access to one oh my god i mean it's such a close drive to boston honestly and it's right there on the water it's beautiful all right we're not actually going to buy the six million dollar film location guy i want you to just put yourself out of your misery yeah and i also want to acknowledge i'm cool dude i'm cool i'm cool i'm cool that the cool poster that we've got of umicoli the crying DJ pastor chef, literal squirrel, Johnny Depp and James Reid from The Feelers,

that piece of art was made by Matthew Hemsworth and I've tried to find a link for him, but if you've got the last name Hemsworth, I tell you what, that search engine optimisation will just lead you back to those beautiful Aussie boys. Yeah, those are some good Aussie boys.

There's no getting around them. Man, I'm still looking at pictures of this house. I actually am not sure that I've got any other messages that are new. It's crazy, this house. I'm in the guest house now. You could live forever in there. Realtor.com. But in the words of Freddie Mercury,

who wants to live forever, Guy? You know? Oh, dude, not me. Oh, wait, this one looks new. The subject line is, Squirrel, squirrel, Dear Tim and Guy, I can't believe every week

you just sit by and let it happen. Every week I entertain you boys for an hour and 10 minutes before you betray me i think to myself that this time will be different but no i just see you boys watch with a glazed look on your eyes the fact that you sit by and just watch makes you equally guilty how could you let the fuck boys peer pressure me into doing that backflip every week i gave up my dream of being an olympic diver years ago the doctors told me that one more back flip would kill me not all at once but over the course of 12 hours every week i ingest all the drugs and i can just soften the pain 41 times you boys have watched me die please next

time look into my eyes and see my desperate pleas for help jesus christ and that's from squirrelboy520 at gmail.com. They have registered an email address to send me the message. Can I say this, Squirrel? If you want to be taken seriously in the workforce, you might need to update your email address from Squirrel Boy. But thanks for reaching out. We'll do our best.

I'm also gutted for you that squirrelboy420 was taken. You had to go with 520 because it's just not quite as potent it's pretty funny to go for 520 knowing that you'd be smart enough to figure it out i wasn't it's easy when it's written down there's um a donation here and i'm going to shout the person out there's no message attached but sometimes people get a bit confused by how the paypal works um so thank you so much for the 10 bucks from I'm going to say Hendrick that's probably very incorrect pronunciation

I'm sorry about that they live in Switzerland and their name has got a few more J's and K's put together than I'm used to with my Anglo trained tongue so I'm sorry that I don't know how to say your name properly. As well you should be. But I really appreciate the cashish.

Acceptable. And, oh, this one looks, this is big and this looks new. Can I throw a longy at you, mate? Yeah, dude, absolutely. I've got something to share as well after you've done that. So, I mean, it's all happening here, isn't it? It is. It's all go.

18 US dollars and a message from Jessica. Hi, Tim and Guy. Hope you're healthy and well. Wanted to donate some money because I squirreled, pun intended, away some for the live Sydney shows, but alas, I've realised my own gig in Perth is on the same day. Full-time legend Kyron Wheatley introduced me to Worst Idea of All Time a few weeks ago, and I've been rapidly...

Who's that? Do you know that person? Kyron Wheatley. He is an Australian comic, and he produces comedy shows. Is that Reece's partner? Yeah, Reece Nicholson's partner. Oh, boy howdy. Well, shout out to both of those beautiful Aussie boys Kyron Wheatley

And to Rhys Nicholson I've been seeing a bit of Rhys Nicholson recently Because he's in New Zealand for our festival And god there I'd love to get him on That'd be good Anyway sorry God he's so funny There's a one of the I think the most recent

Episode of Walkout Boys has got him on Sorry of the male gays Has got him on. Sorry, of The Male Gaze has got him on, and it is so funny. Anyway, full-time legend Kyron Wheatley introduced me to West Idea a few weeks ago, and I've been rapidly working my way through each episode in order to understand all the slow-cooked jokes for the live show, and all for what? Alas. I also wanted to go to your individual shows and had some money for that too but now that money needs to be used elsewhere i could go to just one of your shows but i didn't want to have to pick

even though i've seen guy do five minutes at the comedy store not the same as a full set i think so i figured you just share a donation but it behoves me to contribute because you guys are so bloody clever and witty and the podcast has got me through so many flights and airport waits. It made me chortle heartily so many times and I owe you so much more than this amount of money. Hopefully one day I shall have the monetary equivalent of the value I place on your talents to dispense freely,

but for now, please take this humble $25.09 Australian and I will do my best to tell everyone I possibly can about the pod. I'm currently on season three, episode six, and I will do my best to tell everyone I possibly can about the pod I'm currently on season 3 episode 6 and I can't wait for the rest

and can't wait for whatever you do after this godforsaken project lots of love Jess PS please tell all your mates in New Zealand

to listen to the music of Montaigne Montaigne yeah yeah is this Montaigne writing to us yeah this is montaigne who's recently

followed us in his body getting on the tweets and stuff montaigne this is bull shit i met you we sang at a sea shanty club together oh was montaigne at that party i didn't go to that but also you weren't you weren't in syd Sydney at the time but Montaigne is like a super talented musician hold on for a second did you go to a sea shanty party that wasn't in Auckland because I got invited

to one here how many fucking sea shanty parties are happening it's all going off in Sydney I tell you that good god

please tell all your mates in NZ to listen to the music of Montaigne share it around so I can tour in your god damn beautiful country I love but also

if you don't want to don't you do you guys you do you I'm sure yeah so Montaigne share it around so i can tour in your goddamn beautiful country i love but also if you don't want to don't i you do you guys you do you i'm sure yeah so montaigne for everyone to look up m-o-n-t-a-i-g-n-e and i looked her up and her music was fucking fly she's a she's a bit i'm pretty sure i think she might have won an aRIA. Yeah, she's a big deal. She's a real big deal. She won an ARIA in 2016 for Best Breakthrough Artist. You've got to have better things to do than message us, Fontaine. Write another song. This is crazy.

Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. A thousand times thank you. She did send me to a set at the Comedy Store, actually. What a beautiful message. And Tim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's one I've got for you.

This was sent to us by a guy called Mike. It was just a list. The list is called 20 Things You Don't Understand About the Valley. And he just wrote in case this is useful. He didn't say if he wants me to say his name. He didn't say anything else. He lives in Phoenix, Arizona. Yes, Phoenix.

It's just a list of things about the valley. It's just sort of context for the film. The San Fernando Valley is the valley. The San Gabriel Valley, not the valley. So it's obviously written by someone in San Fernando. Not everyone is, the San Gabriel Valley, not the valley. So it's obviously written by someone in San Fernando. Not everyone is in the adult film industry. There's a north, a west and an east valley.

And if you're driving east to west and you're in a hurry, you'd never take Ventura. Like I say, this is just a sort of a, quite a boring, oh no, number 12. There's nowhere with better suit dude you don't have six mil i just like we could be salivating over any we could be salivating over a bloody helicopter and how cool it

would be to own one of those but it's just as likely a purchase as this house always be selling guy that's how you get the good property um yeah no that's true my mom came up with a great idea when i was a kid that i haven't seen anyone fully do yet or maybe i came up with it and she thought it was a good idea. I can't remember, but it was desserts that deliver. Haven't seen anyone crack that market yet, but I think you could charge a lot for it, you know, because it's quite a decadent thing. Exactly.

Everyone's so focused on keeping food hot, like pizza, you know, pizza delivery. But what about keeping shit cold and delivering that door-to-door? But imagine that, like, because the people you'd be dealing with are decadent as hell,

and they're probably having, like, a real sexy time. It'd be after, like, maybe a successful Tinder date or something, and you're like, you know what would add a lot of decadence to this fantastic evening? If I order a very wonderful dessert from um mama tim's dessert deliveries oh yeah i've actually i'm so like nervous now because so many people say that they sent in a message and i didn't read it that i'm going back a little bit further than i normally would what so i'm not sure what everyone just heard i'll make that decision in the edit room but um

it's been a one-sided conversation for four minutes because guy uh got a phone call and unbeknownst to him it stopped his recording because this is a high-tech podcast where every now and then we'll record on our cell phones um there's a few details about record like audio recording on iphones i know i shouldn't complain because it's a pretty good service but there's a few details which just never quite they never quite nail you can't do any you can't do anything else on the phone when you're recording really and you can't also when you're listening back to the recording you can't have any other apps going you can't do anything else and apparently if someone gives you a phone call it stops or pauses the recording i mean it's quite a lot that's quite weird eh and very inconvenient for us but c'est la vie i fuck i I don't even know. What were we doing the last four minutes?

Talking about buying a house. This is the... Money-making schemes. This is the problem. You tried to launch a dessert delivery system called Mama Tim's. If it was heavy on Tim, then that's fine. Look, I've got an email I'd like to read from Blake. May I? Please.

Dearest Timbly Spindly Wbly, and Flashmonk Comedy, you are brave boys and kind boys. Don't mind that everyone says to the contrary. Season 3 may be your best year as it has produced some true gems. Praise out of the way, I have a couple of good old cues that need some A's. I've heard Guy describe himself as a Madden addict. What year of Madden is your favourite? Mine's 06, with McNab on the cover

And the series really went downhill When Superstar Mode left the game Also, what's the appeal of Zicoli's pasta? Is it just another brand? Or does it have specific shapes or ingredients? I imagine he has a variety that comes in a miniature box office And the pasta inside is gold In the exact shape of Zac Efron's dick

Thanks for the laugh boys The true answer to what's inside the MacBook Pro box Is friendship and the password inside is gold in the exact shape of Zac Efron's dick. Thanks for the laugh, boys. The true answer to what's inside the MacBook Pro box is friendship. Say my name. Rayleigh McRayleighson. Actually, it's Blake Duff from Idaho. That's pretty cool. If you had to know my favorite Madden,

Madden was probably 08 when they had Vince Young on the cover and Randy Moss was just an unstoppable beast. Did you miss Superstar Mode? No, there was still Superstar Mode. But no, it was cool. And that was also sort of second, third year university, so that's when I was racking up the most hours.

It was either 08 or 09. And what about pasta? What's the appeal of Sokole's pasta? Well, it's the only pasta that's... They don't use any non-salted water. They use only tear water. That's why he DJs. He DJs to support his pasta business.

So you can't see him, but there's buckets underneath the decks where he gathers his tears and then he goes back after his gig to his true passion. Handmade pastor. He's hand-making it. Yep. Not a lot of volume there. Well, you can't spell Zicoli's pastor

without EDM, can you? And on that note, I think we should probably leave. So thank you very much for listening, everyone. Please come to the live show in Auckland if you're in Auckland. And if you are going to come, I'm going to try and get this episode out

as quickly as possible. Can you come to the Walkout Boys as well? Because Ticket Sales haven't been stonking and I love those boys. Nick and Joe are so fucking funny. Go to the movie with them beforehand yeah that'd be great

they'll put on their Facebook page what they're going to see they go to half a movie and then do a podcast about the first half of the movie and then make up

what happens in the second half and it's bloody funny they're great boys and great friends of Guy and ours so please come please clap I respect those guys

individually but as a podcast they are our enemy podcast so I will why is everyone on a podcast, they are our enemy podcast, so I will... Why is everyone on this network focused on having an enemy podcast? Well, who else has got an enemy podcast? Boners of the heart, whenever they accidentally mention the male gays, they are very down on them and claim that they're their enemy podcast.

I like that. Talk a lot of shit about them, and vice versa. Anyway, I don't need to get into the politics of them. Do you know what my instinct was there? What? To side with Boners of the Heart, I think. Oh. I think that's because I'd be the most scared of them.

You homophobe. I was going to call you a misogynist, but then I realized I got it backwards. Well, you live and you live. You can't win. Hey, guys, it's 2017 and you can't win bruh I know I actually talked quite a lot about that in my um in my great stand-up comedy show let's all get in a room to get that happening at the basement theater from May 9th to the Saturday May to the Saturday May I haven't um seen your show yet and I don't know if I'll get to

but I've got a bit that sort of skirts around that issue as well on my show Tim Bat ladies and gentlemen which has got its last night

tonight I don't know if this is out in time and then it's in Wellington for a bit and then Sydney Sydney ticket sales pretty slow

but that's okay I love the city anyway I haven't even looked at my Sydneydney ticket sales we're also going to a uh do a live show in sydney so please come to that um all of the shows hopefully i've got listed at little empire podcast.com slash live so go there um god that's too much fucking promo at the back end isn't it i feel like we should do what the mackerel roys do and put more content after all the promo so guy, Guy, I'm going to need one piece of life advice from you

for everyone going out and getting into the world. Oh, my God. Here's a good piece of advice. If your friend, professional, or, you know, I don't know, it could be a colleague, could be a close personal friend, could be someone who's an acquaintance who you're sort of slowly becoming friends with. If they insist that you dole out

arbitrary kind of blanket life advice at the end of a podcast to undo the fantastic promotional work that you've respectively done to build up a live audience and hopefully earn enough money to get over to Massachusetts, buy yourself a lovely holiday home,

a mega 45-minute drive from the Boston CBD, you tell them, you look them square in the eye if you're not in the same room you get them to shut their eyes and imagine that you're looking at them square in the eye and you say fuck you Timbette, fuck you bye everyone, catch you soon to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy cause making friends is the best idea

of all time thanks for listening to this Little Empire podcast we've got live shows happening in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co

so go to comedyfestival.co.nz and buy tickets now meanwhile if you enjoyed this show maybe you should listen to Boners of the Heart with Rose Matafayo and Alice Sneddon Comedyfestival.co.nz and buy tickets now. Meanwhile, if you enjoyed this show, maybe you should listen to Boners of the Heart with Rose Matifeo and Alice Sneddon. Can you bring up a picture of Martin Short in Merlin?

Because I feel like you need to be confronted with what it is. You're actually saying. No, I think it's great. I don't want to though. I haven't done, I don't want great. I don't want to, though. I haven't done... I don't want to. Please don't. Please don't. I think

this is an important moment for you to take full responsibility for what it is you're putting out there. Sorry, but as a kid, I was into it, man. I don't know. He was funny. He was funny. And like, you know, he's great in Three Amigos as well.

What he looks like is like the costume stock photo for a Legolas costume.