The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Forty Seven

Episode Date: June 2, 2017

Timbly's sick and surrounded by tissues that definitely only have nose goo in them, not the other goo! And Guybo is in Australia about to see a bit hole. But before he does, it's time to dive into letters about fans completely recutting their own version of WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS to watch. Also, people who know people who are very rich and famous film makers, originally from New Zealand. Also, MONEY - some of it BIG. What shall the boiz do with the June donation money?Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome along to the friend zone. A place where myself, Guy Montgomery, and my esteemed colleague, Tim Beck, get together to shoot the shit. This is what I forgot to do today. What we do not shoot during this process is the piece of shit known as We Are Your Friends, a film, thankfully, neither of us have watched in recent memory. Tim, how are you? Hey guys, where are you? Longitude and latitude.

Couldn't put it on a map, but I'm in a town called Kalgoorlie, West Australia, about a four hour drive north of Esperance, where I was last night, and before that I've been in Margaret River, which I believe is where we last spoke. Where in God's name are you? I am in my bedroom in a bit of a departure. I'm usually in the studio, but I'm in the bedroom because I'm a bit crook, as you may be able to hear. A little bit blocked up, not feeling too good. It's amazing.

The thing that you reminded me of when you said esteemed is that I was going to do one of those um face steam things you know when you put your head over like a bowl of boiling water to just clear yourself out does that work you ever done that uh look i've done that when i've been having trouble with my uh voice and whatnot before yeah and um it's hard to say it's one of those things where it's nice to feel like you're doing something yeah whether or not it has any impact or bearing on your health, I couldn't possibly venture an opinion. You are engaged to a medical professional, are you not?

Yes, I am. Yep, yep, a doctor. A real-life doctor. Look, far be it for me to tell you how to live your life, Tim, but I would recommend maybe using that bottomless well of information and resource as opposed to deferring to me some comedian stranded uh in inland wa yeah fair call uh i will ask you she's probably going to come home in the middle of this here record actually um look this is an opportunity for us to

ignore the ills of the world like my sickness and uh the fact that we have to watch we are your friends multiple times and it's time to dig into the great bucket of whatever the opposite of deplorables is which is our fans who listen to the worst idea of all time adorables adorables of a uh was it bucket no it wasn't bucket basket a basket of adorables that's what you guys that's right i i would call it a hamper of adorables. That's what you guys are. Yeah, that's right. I would call it a hamper of adorables. Yeah, that's good. I like that.

It's like a group collective noun. Do you... Should I kick off? I'm very... Tim? Yeah? I would love it if you would. I'm so blocked up, and it's... I'm sure I don't sound very good,

and I might, like, choke on my own phlegm at some point for the longer letters. I'm just surrounded, if I can paint a picture for everyone at home, by tissues. You know when you get crook and you're just suddenly surrounded in a fortress of tissues? Fervent enough picture as it is.

Yeah, sorry. Are they all filled with nose goo or do some of them have dick goo? All nose goo, can confirm. Thanks for asking. Our first piece of correspondence is from a name is not obviously apparent to me before you read that kind of say yeah one of my favorite turns of phrase which i never get used because i don't quite understand it is asked and answered oh yeah how does that work right. I'm pretty sure it's like when some,

you know, you put a question out there, it's sort of only half intending to get a response to it. And then someone absolutely does have the response at the tip of their fingers for you. And they'd chuck in a little, ask and answer it at the end. That was my interpretation of it,

but I could be wrong. So if you were like, yeah, how many liters of water are there in the ocean? And I was like, one and a half trillion. Asked and answered. Is that the right answer?

Now that I say it out loud, I don't think that's... No, fuck no. I've got no idea. It's just an example. But actually, now that I've said it out loud, I don't think that is right either. Let's look it up later, eh? Yeah, yeah. But good offer.

The first piece of correspondence is attached to 33 US dollars digitally because that's the amount of money that's been sent to us through our PayPal at worstideofalltime.com. 326 million trillion gallons. How many liters in a gallon? Give me a metric, buddy. How many liters in a gallon? Who's messing around with dick goo now one-handed googler uh 3.7 or 3.8 liters to one us liquid gallon i mean the number it does provide it in liters but i

can't actually pro i can't tell you the answer because i don't know no hey boys tim the tool man taylor and guy ha guy weird oh right sorry it goes and guy huh guy names are pretty hard to come by and i lack the motivation to create one at the moment especially one pertaining to the hit show home improvement well i really put myself in a box with this one did we ever see wilson's face at the end can't remember anyway i'm donating from the smallest state in the USA Rhode Island Which isn't actually an island Riddle me that

I've been catching up on season 3 And going through the friend zones Found a way to hashtag pay the boys for all the entertainment I listened to season 1 last year And after those 52 episodes watched grown ups too Which was like watching one long inside joke So I thank you from the bottom of my wallet Maybe this message will sneak through on the friend zone

and I'll hear it once I catch up. A boy can dream. If you're ever around Rhode Island, don't try to find me because I'm busy that week. Live every moment, love every day. And if you like, you may say my name. Jason Allard. Jason, I really like the twist on the old REO Speedwagon favourite

that you put on the end of your message there. Much love and respect to yourself. I really like the whole tone and shape of that message, actually. It introduced a lot of ideas in a snappy way. It didn't dwell on anything. We had some lovely home improvement memories thrown in the mix. And I know that people from Rhode Island have a delightful accent as well. I think that's part of new england right i have reason to believe so thanks to

the bottomless uh you know source of intel that i have which is my you know obsession with family guy for about three seasons i got one here it was good for everyone. Yep. This message comes from a man named Eric. Is it Eric Wareholme? No, he hasn't reached out to us still. Eric F. So we've speculated before, I believe in Sydney during our live show, as to ways we could improve screenings for the home stretch. Yes.

And he's just written in saying, I tweeted a screenshot of this, but it's finished now. Remix the entire movie for you boys if you want to change things up slightly. It's still the same movie, but it's definitely a different vibe. I cut a little trailer.

Oh, I saw this. I retweeted this, I'm pretty sure. And here it is. It is the German version of the movie, so the titles aren't in English, but this is We Are Your Friends with no dialogue, only background, audio foley, and music cues. I also put up a subtitle track.

I just downloaded one and edited it to fix some mistakes on the off chance that you actually wanted to watch it. For a movie whose only memorable part is the music, the second act is mostly just people sitting and talking with nothing else going on. And we've got a link to this. Did this guy, like, does he say if he made that from scratch or did he find a way? Like, did he get the audio?

I have reason to believe he made it from scratch. That is, well, then the very absolute least we could do is watch this thing. That's incredible. Undoubtedly. I've got a trailer here, which I am sort of watching as i talk to you and it is it's in black and white so very different uh yeah it's in black and white and it's it's just like breathing sounds uh look we'll post that on the worst idea facebook page and then more importantly uh we'll tear up a the worst idea facebook page and then more importantly

we'll tear up a screening of this version of the movie just because why the fuck wouldn't you at this point really tim that's what i say absolutely oh that's brilliant yeah no we'll watch the shit out of that thank you uh we've got a name check on that one guy thank you eric eric the half a bee. What? It's a Monty Python reference. Oh, okay. My dad, he owned a stake in a racehorse at one point when I was growing up, and he got to help name it, and he called the racehorse Eric the half a bee.

No, he just called it Eric the bee. Homage. Do you know Eric the bee? No. It's a delightful homage. Do you know Eric the Bee? No. Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto, half not be. But half the bee has got to be vis-a-vis its entity.

Do you see? And then it's got a really catchy chorus. It sounds like good stuff. Look, yeah, obviously you're not that interested, and I respect that. I'm going to dive back in, guy. Here's another donation for $12.60. You shouldn't take my brutal reign of hate on this episode to heart. I'm crook.

Crook grumpy man. No, I don't take anything you say or do to heart. Yeah, I know. One day you might. Do you know, I was going to get into a stabbing riff with you, but then I thought it was actually a bit dark, so I'm not going to. But just know that that's what I was thinking. And I thereby have undone all the hard work of me censoring myself. Noted. $12.60 from John, who says, full message was sent on Facebook as the last time I tried

to message you here on PayPal, it cut off halfway through. So if you've got a John H sitting in the inbox there, Guy, brilliant. She is a big one. Are you ready? Yep. I feel ready. Dearest Tim and Guy, I hope this letter finds you well. I just chucked you 10 pounds, squitterinos, and thought I'd share with you a rather exciting tale. Well, not an

exciting tale, but the dull life's version of an exciting tale. I work for a call centre, which represents one of the UK's largest TV, broadband, and everything else providers, but I shan't name them for fear of being hunted down and flayed. Anywho, during a regular day, a few weeks ago, I took a call from a woman named Victoria on the account of a Mr. Tim Bevan? I can already hear you saying in your adorable Kiwi accents. Now who is Tim Bevan? Well, if you would give me... But one moment, Tim, I will tell you.

Tim Bevan is a New Zealand-born film producer who's worked on some very high-profile films. Victoria mentioned that she was Tim's personal assistant, that he was currently in LA filming, and would like to watch the boxing when he returned from work in his giant country mansion. She also casually mentioned that he had a multi-man crew assembly, a personal cinema room for him and needed his PIN number to set up his box. Victoria bragged about how she basically ran Tim's life for him and how he could be returning to his country home rather than his London penthouse because I guess her hobbies include making people who work in call centres

want to kill themselves. Anyway, being a film buff, I recognised the name and thought I'd have a quick go over his IMDb page. Tim is produced with some of the best directors in modern filmmaking, including the legendary Coen brothers on a vast majority of their films,

the phenomenal Edgar Wright on all of the Cornetto trilogy, but none more notable than Maximum Joseph on You Guessed It, We Are Your Friends. Holy shit. That's right. That's not on his Wikipedia page, I'll tell you what. So tempted to make up an excuse to call back and get some in-depth knowledge on the production, but good sense and self-restraint have kept me in check for now. Anyway, thought I'd let you two FBs, that's short for fuckboys, know, and let you know I'd be half tempted to give you Mr. Bevan's home number,

but I really don't think that would be a good idea for anyone involved. Say my name if you wish, but say a prayer I don't get arrested or fired. We will call you John H. Yeah, nice one. John H. Benjamin writing in there. This guy has quite the filmography. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. Frost Nixon, which I loved.

Everest, the Danish girl. Hail Caesar. Bridget Jones, baby. And others. Bridget Jones, baby. He has total films grossing $4 billion worldwide, like the ones that he's either produced or executively produced.

It's a lot of money. It certainly is. Well, all power to you. If you're listening, which I don't know that you are, Mr. Tim Bevan, fucking hot shit for representing us New Zealanders on the global playing field.

Yeah, man. And come home to Queenstown and invite us around because you've got a lot of money and I'd love to go skiing or something. We all must see you down there, man. He's got a Commander of the Order of the British Empire. He's got a CBE from the Queen, which he got in 05. What did this man? He's also got a degree of Doctor Honoris or an Honor of doctorate from the University of York. What a legend.

What a champ. Moving on. It's not all just tongue salivating at Tim Bevan's achievements. There's other mail to get to. Which I will share with you now, Guy. I wish you would. A crisp $20 from Ryan Lynch. to get to which i will share with you now guy i wish you would a crisp 20 us dollars from ryan lynch and uh no that came through a week ago so this won't be part of the the uh donation drive

this would be the donation to us ryan writes hey tiny tim and guy fieri i've been a huge fan since season one even making my fiance watch Grown Ups 2 with your commentary track after never hearing the podcast or seeing either Grown Ups movies before. She didn't nearly have as much fun as I did, but after putting it off for ages, I'm finally tossing the troops some hard-earned cash.

You boys have inspired myself and another big fan to start a podcast that's like a lazy, risk-free version of the worst idea of all time. It's called We'll Get It Right Next Year year and we try to guess what happens in a film neither of us know about for a year before we watch it we have guests give us some truths and some lies about the film and have a lot of fun thanks for the years of goofs and know that we love you from america and i will follow you good boys to any project you move to next say Say my name say my name, Ryan Lynch

P.S. All of the Little Empire shows are fantastic but politics and hosting are by far my favourites Oh This guy really knows how to scratch our dicks doesn't he guy? I'll tell you what, I have got an itchy growth on there that I thought could

not be satiated but in comes Ryan Lynch with his long fingernails and his compliments manicured perfectly manicured dick scratching nails for the boys i feel fantastic tim i've never felt better and luckily i'm surrounded by tissue so i'm already i'm sweet and i'd like to use that as a springboard into this next message uh barely one of praise but certainly one of interest it comes from regular correspondent leal and he's just said on the subject of fidget spinners this recently happened in my home of boise idaho it's a link to a story i'm not going to read the heading i'm just going to start reading the article and you can tell me when to stop

a 27 year old man managed to get his fidget spinner irretrievably lodged in his anal cavity, forcing him to scream, Medic! I just heard this God Almighty scream coming from his house, so he rushed over and banged on the door, said the man's neighbour, a 52-year-old who's too old for this shit.

He let us in and was clutching us behind. I asked him what's wrong and he just choked out that he needed an ambulance. The act of choking out an ambulance request suggests catastrophic levels of pain and unsurprisingly so. Oh, right. were forced to make an incision to remove the device said one of the surgeons involved a relative of the poor man confirmed that the man was basically using the toy to pleasure himself successfully at first but flew too close to the sun when he tried to insert it deeper into his anus hospital staff suspect he must have slipped and pushed it beyond the point of no return medical experts are urging people to err on the side of caution when using their fidget spinners and to not use them for unintended purposes of course they didn't specifically say don't put

them in your butt so if that's not quite black and white enough for you then let the story be a warning and credit to now eight news for the very funny tone in which that news article was written how much strain is put on our medical professionals and our hospitals because people insist on throwing things in their butt man it's just we've got too many orifices human beings you know we're too we're inquisitive by nature we are it's like that's not what that's for we've got we we've gone to the trouble of developing new materials new plastics new kinds of... There's just so many different things which are designed specifically to satisfy this curiosity and need. We've got a range.

But I guess maybe that's half the thing, right? It's like if someone tells you to go outside and play, it's not as fun as sneaking off to play, right? Yeah, you said it, brother. That's probably the cleanest analogy of anally inserting a fidget spinner into your rectum. Bit of a tautology there. And on that delightful note, we will rip into Greg. We won't rip into Greg.

Good God. Poor choice of words from old Timbo. Hey, Tim and Guy I'm gonna be straight With you two boys Fuck you Greg Whoa Hold on dude What's up

I thought we were Ripping into Greg Oh nah I I meant his letter Ah But you did good You did good

You took what I said You really gotta work On your phrasing man Yeah I do I'm gonna be straight With you two boys From the get go I'm already subscribed

To the Millionaires Club On Patreon And pay my fees diligently But I've wanted to have straight with you two boys from the get-go. I'm already subscribed to the Millionaire's Club on Patreon and pay my fees diligently, but I've wanted to have a message read out in the friend zone for a bit, and with only 14 watches left at the time of writing, time is running out, so I'm here throwing more cash your way as I laugh in the face of crippling debt. Oh, dude. Get out of the Millionaire's Club.

I'm just kidding. Oh, thank God. Man, he really yanked my chain. Anyway, I introduced my little brother to your party last summer while i was back home and bought him all three films on blu-ray for his birthday oh this is delightful and the next time i visited uh he welcomed me with a declaration there is absolutely nothing likable about any of the characters and we are your friends whatsoever i've never felt closer to him so please send a shout out to fergus he's a good boy a joy to work with and a real pro on set final comment in a recent episode tim actually aired on whether the two of you would actually

finish this third go around which made me think how fucking amazing it would be if you totally twin peaks to this project and called it off indefinitely at Watch 51. Anyway, thanks for the laughs and all the best, Greg. Greg K. Greg K. Greg K. There's BS. We haven't heard much from Joe Biden recently, have we? But hey, I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

I hear you out there, Greg. Oh my God. Even before he articulated what he was angling towards, how good would it be? I have done something similar whereby during an Edinburgh Fringe once, it was my sole purpose and goal to watch 100 shows. And I exhausted both myself and my bank account by going to as many shows as I possibly could

across the course of the month. And I got to 99. And on the last night, there was one I had a show I could go to. And I just said to myself, nah. This is like your version of anally inserting a fidget spinner. You know, you put too much pressure on to do it.

Oh, man. Or something. This isn't the perfect analogy. But it's like, you know, you told yourself that you on to do it. Oh, man. Or something. This isn't the perfect analogy. But it's like you told yourself that you had to do it, and therefore you're like, fuck the rules. In the same way that that guy was like, this thing's supposed to be designed to not go in your ass, but fuck the rules.

We're not going to do that to you, Greg K. Greg K, it's so sweet that you and your bro are bro-ing down vis-a-vis our podcast. That's awesome. Inaccurate use of vis-a-vis, as I understand it. Yeah, you're right. But it's okay, Tim. I meant via.

I've got a link here. Hold on, I want you to give Gregory K a kiss. Greg, do you know what? I've sworn at you. I've kind of uh needlessly no i just haven't i haven't paid you your dues in the way tim has and accordingly i would like to issue not an apology but instead a peace offering in the form of a gift uh what is that gift and tim i have a link here it's just a link no uh comment no context from popular uh sort of satirical website reductress

i actually don't know a lot about reductress it is satirical isn't it i don't know i i'm unaware of this uh this website of which you speak it's i i'm pretty sure it's like a female it's like a i think it's like satirizes cosmo type things um but the the quiz is it's a link to a quiz and the quiz is quiz which sex in the city gal style of internalized misogyny are you would you like to take the quiz yeah absolutely okay though the thrilling series finale happened over 12 years ago we can't help but still constantly think about kerry miranda charlotte and samantha from hbo sex in the city each and every one of those four gals was completely unique in her sexy style her brash confidence

and her ability to internalize the patriarchy while thinking it was actually empowerment all along which six in the city sex in the city gal style of internalized misogyny are you take this quiz to find out tim pick a drink a beer it's simple and easy b pink cosmo i like to feel girly c whiskey i can totally hang with the guys or d pinot noir classy just like me i reckon d d okay i'm just gonna get a pen and paper so i can i'll record them it's cool i'll Or D, Pinot Noir, classy, just like me? I reckon D. D, okay. I'm just going to get a pen and paper so I can... Oh, I'll record them. It's cool.

I'll record my answers. Okay, cool. Two. Wait, hey, you pick one too. We'll do both of us. Okay, are you going to mark my answers down as well? Yeah, you go. I'll go A, please.

B, it's simple and easy. Great. Two. You've been flirting with a guy over text, but he hasn't asked you out yet. What do you do? A, decide that if he can't make a move, he's not worth my time.

B, contemplate over what it must mean. C, show up to his apartment naked under a trench coat. Or D, mope to my friends about it over brunch. A. Also A. Right. Three, what's your favorite jewelry accessory? A Also A Right 3 What's your favourite jewellery accessory?

A. Nothing Why complicate things? B. A gold playboy necklace C. Lots and lots of diamonds D. My engagement ring Lots and lots of diamonds I'm going to pick C I'm also going to pick C

Good shit 4 All of your friends are having babies except you how do you feel a it's not really my business b i don't know how i feel the change freaks me out c i feel bad for them don't they realize they're saying goodbye to all joy d devastated i want a baby more than anything. I'm going to go with A. It's none of my business. I am going to go with D, devastated.

I want a baby more than anything, which is inaccurate, but just for the sake of doing something different. Way to take one for the team, Guy, because I've noticed that as this quiz has gone on, the comedy has seemed to dry up. It could have dried up more right onward you accidentally fart in front of a guy you've been dating for over a year what do you do a lock myself in the bathroom this is the end of it all b cringe never bring it up ponder for weeks if that's the reason why we eventually broke up c promise it won't even happen again that was a big mistake or d move to a different state and

change your identity what the fuck are these options this is flawed where is like a celebrate it getting a fart off with them you know own it we've all got bodies we've all got gas i've got to say i thought this quiz would be funnier Yeah You know you do those click hole quizzes And gee whiz they're a jaunt Yeah they are Anyway I'm not going to read out the descriptions But what do you go for the last one?

E okay I'll go for E also Great What did you mostly get Tim? Let's do a count out I got two A's You're Miranda What did I mostly get, Tim? Let's do a count out. I got two A's. You're Miranda. What did I mostly get?

You're Miranda too. Sick. Couple of Mirandas over here. Thanks for the quiz, Jonte. That's the style of internalised misogyny we are wearing. Can we move on? Can we move on? Because if there's one thing that I would love to do, it's hear from Bram.

Bram's written such a long letter, and in the middle of it is P.S. Like, right in the mid. It's not where that goes. Anyway, Bram writes, Dear Tim and Guy, I came across your podcast a couple of months ago, have been binge listening ever since,

and now I'm caught up. I just want to say thank you for the entertainment, laughter, friendship, and new insights that you two fuckboys have given me. I'm particularly happy to have learned about Yes And. And your explanation, oh sorry, from your explanation, it sounds like it's a technique used in improv.

But I heard the male gaze reference it in their conversation about dirty talk between the sheets. And I realized that Yes And is a philosophy of much more depth than I thought it was at first. Since this revelation, I have started using these two words as a mantra, a guideline for my life, and I can tell you the results are glorious. Apparently, we all need a little encouragement, a little faith. Yes.

That's Y-I-S, which I'm not sure if that's a word that I don't know or if that's a mocking of the Kiwi accent, but either way, tip of the hat. I am seriously happy for you two that this is the last season of The Worst Idea of All Time. It's sad for us listeners, of course, but you should get out there while you have a grain of sanity left. You are beautiful boys and your sacrifice will never be forgotten. All the best from Amsterdam. Your friend, Bram Wurstorp. P.S. Here's the midway point some stuff has been

said about the Amsterdam Netherlands Holland misunderstanding all incorrect this is how it is our country is called Netherland meaning lowlands weirdly translated to the Netherlands which is insane because the Dutch don't pronounce the th sound Amsterdam is the capital city of the country we have 12 provinces in total one province the one Amsterdam is in capital city of the country. We have 12 provinces in total. One province, the one Amsterdam is in, is called North Holland. Another province, south of the latter, is called South Holland. Both, but North Holland more, have the image of housing arrogant, self-centred, fast-moving city folk. Of course, the people in these cities think the rest of the country are farmers or snipers and windmills holland meaning hello land uh we are a hole surrounded by dams in the end it's a lot easier to say and especially to chant in case of sports so that's why it gets

used so much however there is always a chance of upsetting someone who is not from one of the actual holland provinces because the stuck-up image they have attached to it. If you're ever in Amsterdam, I'd be happy to buy you guys a local beer. Okay, that's it. Thanks. Bram. Cheers, Brad. Bram. Bram, yeah, and Bram.

Oh, sorry, I was thinking of this really good guy, Brad, who bought me a beer recently. Was he Amsterdamese? Yeah, man. He was an Amsterdamese. Damn easy to please. Thank you so much. I find it so confusing. Actually.

Less confusing now, obviously. This is reminding me of something that happened last night when I was a bit of a fever dream state because I was a bit crook but watching Netflix too late at night. Started watching the first episode of the new season of house of cards and watch city comes up i'll get you guy yeah buddy i'm pretty sure um that frank and clear go there briefly but um i think i have to re-watch the episode because i was a bit out of it at the time but it was it was so great it was just the timing couldn't have been better i was delighted to hear it and i've totally glossed over how they pronounced it in the show but it was very

different to how you and i say it well it's funny how accents work um this one here this is from someone who sent us photos of socks from kmart at the hospice they work at they've sent us uh an item of clothing looks like a tank top so you're still at work sourcing the podcast on to season three and we look at the brand of this tank top uh and it's got a label that says w-a-y-f uh but it does not stand for where are your friends it stands for where are you from? What? It's like a longer version of ASL, but with less information at the end of it. And that's something.

Hey, Guy, where are you from? I was born in Wellington, Women's Hospital. I'm from creativity. I'm from creativity. I'm from the corner of two streets, one named Originality and the other one called Artistic Merit. Okay? I was born in the capital of Comedyland. Alien and far away from where I imagine you grew up.

My primary school was in the news today. On the corner of creativity and artistic integrity or whatever the heck you just said. Correct, yeah. Well, just a little bit further on Tillman Ave in Christchurch. It's called Why Mighty. Chris writes, Howdy, boys. Now, I'm a pretty avid podcast listener,

probably burning through about 30 hours a week as i trudge through my job as an almost graphic designer even still imagine my surprise to hear the burbank cafe romancing the bean become a topic of conversation twice in as many weeks across two of my favorite shows and last week's episode of the excellent podcast never not funny featuring guest paul f tompkins no less the gang got into a pretty lengthy discussion of the name of the cafe. Unable to come to a conclusion, they had Mr. F. Tompkins give Romancing the Bean a phone call to get to the bottom of it. Here's what I learned.

It is not a term used in the coffee industry. It is not a reference to the 1984 action-adventure romantic comedy Romancing the Stone, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. The place is pretty busy, and the management isn't particularly interested in taking phone calls from podcasters. If it's neither, if it's neither a coffee term, nor a reference to the movie,

then what the fuck is it i don't know i hope it's not like literal you know because then they're doing with a coffee bean what our mate from the news article might have done with a fidget spinner taking that relationship with java to the next level anyway i'll finish it it says kisses and wishes christopher allen Metzger thanks for getting in touch Chris isn't that amazing that kind of parallel thinking that goes on that is quite a good bit

of happenstance I guess the more stuff you listen to and do the more opportunity for happenstance there is oh this is great the guy that I was telling you just before we started recording

he sent an email I just didn't see it do you know what I'm talking about i do know exactly who you're talking about should i jump into that yeah i reckon we should sign off with it okay brilliant this is from a man named sam um and i actually wonder if it's the same i think i had worked with a guy who's got the same first and last name let's start one dear tim and guy thank you for two tremendous years and this last one too i've been listening to your equally hilarious friend from wellington plugged wait i've been listening ever since your

equally hilarious friend from wellington plugged the podcast on her twitter fucking hell this is gonna be a long email guy guy. Strap in. I've been meaning to donate for a while, and a gap between unexpected vet bills and surviving a restructure means I can now. So, a $500 donation to you two, and a more modest donation to your Wellington friend through her Amazon wishlist to pursue her knitting interests. I've changed the font size. And friendzone46, you said you were destined to do this, Wellington friend through her Amazon wish list to pursue her knitting interests. I've changed the font size.

And friendzone46, you said you were destined to do this, and whatever this becomes in the future, forever, or until one of you dies, much like Batman and the Joker, or Dickbot and Brady the Rat King. There's a theme shared by your other podcast, Till Death Do Us Blart, with the McElroy brothers. In this spirit, the $500 comes to you with the following conditions number one use the three hundred dollars uh use three hundred dollars of it as you wish two the other two hundred dollars is to be invested in 50 years it'll be worth around five thousand dollars in

today's money but it is only to be cashed up by the survivor a tontine if you will or maybe a montaigne uh with your accents uh it'll sound like a rhyme to your american listeners probably won't save the week joke though whether you expand uh such a scheme to include your co-hosts on till death to us blart and accept further donations is up to you think of those valuable us dollars and the way america's going your life expectancies must be much higher than the naggle roy's alternatively use the full 500 however you'd like however you would like you've certainly earned it now here's the interesting thing about what sam oh oh this truly is up to us okay so guy we made a financial commitment that all of the money that was coming

to us in the calendar month of june would be donated to charity this donation was actually sent to us in the month of may so we can follow this guy's wishes or we can put it in the war chest to give to a what better way than today on the 1st of june 2017 as we try and uh you know get a good roll on in terms of a donation we can make than to take this one patrick King we've been donated so kindly by Sam and while his idea of us creating some sort of flying hellfish-like club a la Abe Simpson and the Simpsons sounds great, I reckon let's take it, let's bring it over to the month of June and let's really get something rolling over here.

Let's do it. Sam Warburton, you are a legend. You're a Patrick King, and you are leading the charge in our charity drive, which is happening for the month of June. Holy crow. We've now got an alternative unit of currency. We've got the Patrick King or the Sam Warburton.

Both excellent names. Holy shit, that's a lot of money. I don't understand that, but you're a goddamn legend, Sam, and you inadvertently have brightened the lives of someone or something yet to be determined. On that, have you had any charity? Have you seen that list that's formed

on the Facebook page, Brian? No, I've not. I've been pretty disengaged from the internet on the road, Tim. But I will make a point of combing through it, and we can have some sort of conversation off the record as we make a decision. Yeah, we'll make it with the community, though. We'll get everyone's points of view.

So far, the funniest suggestion, it's not that funny. It's actually just outrageous. Actually, you know what? It's just the one that I've commented on. So go to the facebook.com slash worst idea of all time, and you'll see that if you find the charity thread. I'm not going to sully this good friend zone with bringing it up. But I reckon my favorite suggestion so far, in a serious way,

is probably Doctors Without Borders. They're a bloody good organization. They are one for the books so i do like the idea of giving it to a vet because we kill a squirrel every week anyway we'll figure it out with you guys probably on facebook and patreon see you there guy lovely to talk to you thank you so much everyone who has contributed money and messages of support it means the absolute world to us as we close in on the end of this whole podcast project not just this season but the whole damn thing so yeah thank you so much everybody we appreciate it no end i'm gonna go and explore uh something called the super pit here in kalgoorlie. It's a giant hole. Classic Australia.

All right, mate. Enjoy the hole. Thanks, buddy. Bye-bye. Bye now. Well, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone.

And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy. Because making friends is the best idea of all time. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try... So this movie immediately, really just a middle finger to the face of all creationist believers.

Just really, a real fuck you. Yeah. Look, there were dinosaurs, and in this time, Rita Repulsa was fighting some alien Power Rangers. One of them played by Bryan Cranston. And they all get killed. And then the Power Coins get buried underground. Yeah, we know, Nick.

Okay. Cut to modern times. We're jerking off cows. Yeah. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate.

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