The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Forty Three

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

Sponsored by COMEDYFESTIVAL.CO.NZFriends, Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt are together to discuss friends and friendship. They're joined by another friend, Henry Stone. But enough about him. This is a complex Friendzone with some dicey behaviour by Guybo and many failed attempts by Timbly to reign the boy in. Pull the bloody head in, Montgomery.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for downloading this Little Empire podcast. This show has a real-life, live-record event that you can come to in Auckland, New Zealand during the NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. Deets and tickets at comedyfestival.co.nz Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, because making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome to Friend Zone 43 with your old mate Spinley Timbly Wimbly. And myself, Guy Montgomery. Truly a pleasure to be here in the same room, in the same place, at the same time. Just shooting the breeze, talking about our feelings. Tim, you're going through a pretty hard time right now. You want to share with the friends? I wasn't going to, but since you've brought it up, yeah,

I've lost a lot of things in the last 24 hours. Yeah, man. Would you like a laundry list? Yeah, I've already heard it, but by all means, I think our friends would love to hear. All right. Six T-shirts, two pairs of shorts, some jeans, and not only that, but my favorite skivvy.

My number one skivvy. So weird to me that they're all clothes and they're all taken from your house. And I found several t-shirts, a Skivvy that looks a lot like your favorite Skivvy, a few pairs of shorts and some jeans. Yeah. Burned them all, put them in a fire.

I was cold, man. I had to stay warm. Yeah, and I don't begrudge that. It's just so weird that you think you found something that was on my clothesline in my property. That's where I find a lot of stuff. There's a lot of stuff flying around your house, man. A lot of good, expensive stuff.

We're coming to you live from the basement theatre, which is where all the... We're doing a whole bunch of live podcast episodes here. I say we. Guy won't be in all of them. He'll mainly be in this one for the worst idea of all time that we're doing in Auckland on who knows the date, you know?

Man, I wish we knew that. I could bring it up. That's a rookie mistake. Do that one. I'll bring up Sydney, and then we'll both have a juicy plug. Oh, nice. Yeah, buddy. Okay, cool.

That sounds great. So we're doing a live episode for the New Zealand International Comedy Festival in Auckland, and the date of our one is the 14th of May. It's a Sunday and it's at 3pm and it's going to be hot shit if I do say so myself. I tell you what, we had a very good time doing it at the

Melbourne Comedy Festival. And I reckon people had a good time absorbing it too. The people who were there in the crowd had some lovely feedback about people listening to it. No doubt. People like yourself listening right now. Yeah.

Listening out there in the podcast. A lot of positive energy. Also, we'll be in Sydney on Saturday the 20th of May during the Sydney Comedy Festival. Yeah, 5.20. 5.45 p.m. at the Enmore Theatre. Tickets are on sale now if you look up Worcester Area of All Time Sydney. You'll find it, but that's not why we're here. We're here to talk about and to you.

You know, I used to live near the Enmore. I didn't know that, dude. Yeah, I lived in Sydney for about six months. Nice, I didn't even ask you an open-ended question about how that experience was for you. I remember one time I went to Luna Park with my mate. That's great. And it was that age when you're too young to kind of have a level of decorum. Fraser writes, yo, Timbly Wimbly.

No, this isn't going to work in a podcast setting. It's going to be very confusing with two voices. So basically, I had too many beers. And I looked down at my foot in Lunar Park, in this theme park, and my foot was just bloody. And I was wearing what the Americans call flip-flops, what I would call a jandal. And I had just totally skinned my big toe on the,

you don't look impressed with this you look disgusted it's just it's gross yeah hey we're joined by henry stone australian comedian how dare you call him you guys oh the americans will call him uh flip-flop i'll call him a jandal you're in australia fucking lunar park in australia can you call it what they'd call and you call it a fucking thong thank you all right sorry bowl it's important henry's here to keep us in line, keep us in check. It is Anzac Day. Yeah.

Look it up, everyone. That's right. You do have to look that up if you are outside of Australia or New Zealand. An important day. Now, this one comes from Fraser. He writes, yo, Timbly, Wimbly, and Flash. Hold on, guy. How are you?

Man, I'm so good. Melbourne Festival's over. You sound frustrated at me. That's the tone I'm getting. I just get the feeling I'm really trying to press on with this friend zone and you're really putting a lot of obstacles in my way. I'm sorry about the clothes, dude, but I was cold and they were there. Yo, Timbly Wimbly and Flash.

I'm at the start of season three, so I don't want any spoilers for anything you guys have done recently. I hope it's all good, though. Too bad, Fraser. Just wanted to say that i watched the trailer for we are your friends and shit man everyone in the movie is so beautiful compared to what was in my mind zach efron the walking man with his head in a jar futurama style actually actually johnny depp in a walking talking squirrel gotta say i'm actually pretty pissed

off because i thought johnny depp was in this movie although i always did think it was weird how johnny debt would agree to be one of the boys in a fuck boy crew anyways i hope you guys are doing well sorry no cash this time but maybe at the end of season three peace just a little message from fraser there fraser god bless you and all that you do and i'm sorry to disappoint you dude this is the last thing we want to do with this podcast people got to get used to disappointment. Yeah actually fuck you Fraser. Yeah dude. You got it. Go the other way with it.

Ryan writes to us dearest T-Bone as well as my treasured G-Spot though I doubt he sits through your email even in the most

dire of circumstances or sifts I beg your pardon. Sight reading not my strength not a strength of the old No it never has been

and maybe one day it will be. Can you teach yourself to be good at sight reading? I don't think so. By definition, I guess not. Unless you just practice reading out random passages every day for a year. Yeah. Well, I have been doing that, and it hasn't gotten any better.

That's a neat little passion project for you to do after the worst idea of all time. The funny thing is, I am about to, in a matter of a few weeks, be hosting a TV show that's going to involve a live broadcast and probably reading something off like a teleprompter. How's that going to go, Guy? Probably not well. Man, I tell you what, the rating is going to be tough

and I can only imagine the criticism is going to be even worse. Ryan continues. How soon do you start that? End of May. Oh, I wish you hadn't said end of May. Why is that? I've just got a new job. I'm the television critic for New Zealand.

Beginning, you're not going to believe it, end of May. Are you serious? Yeah. What's your start date? Oh, let me just, sorry, I'll give you when the show's on. Just apropos of nothing. 30th of May. 30th of May?

Yeah. Oh, no. It's the first night of the show. That's my first gig. Is it really? What's the show called? It's called Banter. Oh, that is a bad start, is it? Yeah. Oh, no. It's the first night of the show. That's my first gig. Is it really? What's the show called? It's called Banter. Oh, that is a bad start, is it?

Yeah. You're telling me. I fought tooth and nail to get that name changed. Tooth and nail. This is my first job as banter. And I've got no plans on watching the show, but I've already written up what is escaping takedown based on the title and host. Two syllables is all I need.

Ryan continues, I've been a massive fan since season one, guys. You two have really something special. You've whipped up in the worst idea of all time and are genuinely more inspiring than you realize. What a sweet intro. That's lovely. As such, I've always wanted to see

what it feels like to suffer so needlessly as you do every year and have kept myself up at night wondering if I could ever watch the same goddamn movie every week for one year. So I am. My good friend ZR Paul. Great name.

And I have watched The Hot Check starring Rob Schneider, Rachel McAdams and Anna Faris. I was thinking of The Animal. Rob Schneider did a movie with one of the cast members from the first season of Survivor. I think her name was Colleen. Used to have a big old crush on her. You were a big Survivor fan, eh? For a year. The early Survivor.

Every bloody week for the past 31 weeks. Whoa, this guy's in it. This guy's in it. What do you make of that, Henry Stone? Wild. 31 weeks of the hot chick. So good to have Henry here. That's a lot.

And it's driving us absolutely mental. The honeymoon ship has long since sailed. Tensions are skyrocketing at a rate of Sundays. Bringing your beloved and revered format to Hollywood, we've broadcast our weekly lamentations. Lamentations, is that how you say that word? Yeah. Lamingtons.

Lamington. On a podcast called The Mistake, and there's a hyperlink in the email that i can't read out loud because it's hyperlink we americans are turning out to be much weaker than the kiwi breed but are proudly outspoken about the fact that this mad idea belongs to you too and have nothing but respect for the magic you tune out every week this is your baby but we've humbly nicked it for a night on the town uh i've admittedly been sitting on this email for weeks wondering whether or not I should reach out to the boys fearing I'd be a dash fucked off

at a couple of stateside children for nicking your baby sorry that would be angry at him as mere pawns next to the kings we find in you we know our meagre place well in the courts of comedy but to be honest Mighty Tim with nothing but the most ardent respect

and genuine admiration for you and Guy Guy, I can confidently say I care about nothing but crashing and burning into the finish line of this phenomenal endeavour, so I'm reaching out. If you have any advice on surviving the home stretch, it would be well savoured. With all the love and desperation I can muster,

Ryan Molina Davis. Man, Ryan, the early 30s truly are some of the hardest and darkest times you'll be going through. Yeah. And have you seen the Hot Chick? Yeah, man. I was a huge Schneider guy back in my youth.

Hot Chick, Juice Bigelow, The Animal. I had them all on VHS. And I wasn't allowed a TV in my room during the school term, but then on holidays, my sisters and I would each get a turn. We had a TV with a built-in VCR player. That is mean. And we put it in there. Looking like kings.

We watched some movie, watched some Rob Schneider. I remember one Christmas, I got a copy of Road Trip on VHS. I got Road Trip at the dawn of the DVD era. I watched that movie a lot. It's a good film. Yeah, I used to have a lot of laughs to it. Yeah, it was great. Had a TV with VHS in my room, had access to Road Trip.

I'm getting your breasts out on screen. Tell you what, that poor 13-year-old's penis was rubbed raw, dog. Woo, that's filthy. That is disgusting. And not the usual time we like to bring to the friends of us. No, I don't know where that came from. I think that's filthy. That is disgusting. And not the usual tone we like to bring to the friends. No, I don't know where that came from. I think it's this... Listen, to our friends who are stateside endeavoring to do what we've done

with the hot check, can you give the mic over to Henry for a bit? I feel like he might just want to pop in. He's maybe smart. In the road trip? Yep. Yeah, it is. Do you know that because you did the same thing? I just know who it is. That's a confession. I would say just like, you know, be in the defeat.

You know, don't try and like shirk the defeat or ignore the defeat. Just embrace the defeat and live in the bomb. That is so true. I never thought about taking that lesson from the podcast to live performance. You've got to acknowledge however weird you're feeling in real time. Otherwise, you're suppressing it, and then you're not really indulging either of the experiences. You're just in this weird emotional purgatory. This one comes from Kelly, who writes,

I know I'm a little behind in the times, but I have discovered your podcast, and I have been binging season two. Huge fan of Sex and the City Show. Never saw the movies. Anyway, I just finished Ep 23. We urge your listeners to watch for themselves because we need to see to believe. So here I am.

I'm only about 10 minutes in, gay wedding, and can feel my blood pressure rising significantly. I have no idea how you guys made it through 52 of these without blowing your brains out. You're doing God's work, sons. That's from Mama Kelly. Mama Kelly Mama Kelly not to be mistaken

with Mama Cass in the Mamas and the Puppets I love that you 10 minutes into a film that we have spent how long is the movie again 101 no it's 120

it's 146 that math is hard but we've spent like hours and hours and hours maybe a couple days worth in total and you got 10 minutes into it

and were like I gotta write these boys this thing's atrocious can I tell you this Fate of the Furious one hour and

no sorry one hour 160 minutes 160 that's like three hours or something two hours 40

Henry's seen it I'll give you 134 minutes oh sorry it's two hours and 15 106? That's like three hours or something. Two hours 40. Henry Cena. I'll give you... It was 134 minutes. Ah, sorry. It's two hours and 15. Two hours 15. That's a lot more crumbly. Nah, it's longer than 2.15. Verify.

How long is Fate of the Furious? You gotta mic him up if he's talking, guy. How long is Fate of the Furious, please? 2.40. Fuck! Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your face in my butt it feels good bombed out henry stein feels good doesn't it now you're just repeating me you've really gone to

the dogs hey listen to mama i would say this how was the rest of the movie please write us another email and thank you for um like diving in the pool while you read the next letter i'll write to her right now to make sure we get that information. Good shit, because we do have a habit of that, eh? Like, you know what? It'd be good if we replied. This is our reply though. The reply is the verbal communique on here. Absolutely. Hello, listener.

This is Tim Batt, interrupting your podcast to bring you a short ad that is only relevant to people in my home, New Zealand. If you're not in New Zealand, my apologies. The NZ International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co. is happening from April 27 to May 21 and features literally every single Kiwi

on this podcast network. There are many, many great live comedy shows happening, so if you enjoy this podcast, chances are you'll enjoy seeing them live. Go to comedyfestival.co.nz and buy tickets to some great shows now. That's comedyfestival.co.nz and buy tickets to some great shows now that's comedyfestival.co.nz take it away Tim

someone's written in the subject line just a repeat of what I wrote via paypal with slight corrections so um I don't know let's just begin the journey and see how we get on eh this message was sent to us on 420 bro hey resident good boys just to make sure the message I've attached when I was journey and see how we get on, eh? This message was sent to us on 420, bro. Nice. Hey, resident good boys, just to make sure

the message I've attached when I was hashtag paying the boys last month didn't get lost in the ether, here it is again in all its glory. Also gave me a chance to correct some mistakes, which is always good. And every word in that last bit was spelt wrong. Dear Spindly Timbly Wimbly and, oh, no.

Dear Spibly Guybly Wimbly and, oh, no. Dear Spibley Guybly Wibley and Tim Tim. Hey. She's spoonerised the- Yeah, they've changed up our nicknames. Very good. You've got full permission to drop my name. There's a lot of other bits after that, but I'm just going to say it. It's from, wait a minute, who is it from?

Tim Wolfenstein. Fuck. Well, obviously he wants her to say his name. He's got the best fucking name. I've been following your exploits since season one, and I'm so happy that your third descent into madness, one you've endeavoured against all better judgement, still feels as fresh as the first and second.

Though it's sad to know that you don't plan on another season, I can understand that three years are about as much as you can get out of having the worst idea, TM. It's been a delight listening to you two fine Kiwis forge a bond that transcends mere friendship one tempered in the fires of hell forever tortured by the many-headed dreadlord named sandler sandleric king or joseph i'm afraid that i've fallen behind a bit since my listening so someone may have already suggested the following just tell me to shut up at your nearest

convenience if that's the case i'm gonna shut up to tell you on an email bro i'll have a crack at it all right guy i know that you have vowed not to listen to tim's solo episode but there's one segment in there that showed a lot of premise now this sounds familiar we've talked about it tim noted that after a hard night of partying one of the boys dropped a mysterious statement along the lines of you won't believe what's happening in that bathroom it was johnny defy said that yeah i remember this and we talked about it and we were like we've got a i actually think i brought up with you on the last step i was like we've got to remember what that guy uh said because i thought it could be a fun little segment i think i did it in this in my solo app yeah you did and then but so you did in your solo app yeah and then you read this out on the friend zone right and i was

like you know what actually i'm not gonna listen to it but that's a good idea and then the episode after that i said to you oh no while we were Right. And I was like, you know what, actually, I'm not going to listen to it, but that's a good idea. And then the episode after that, I said to you, oh, no, while we were watching the movie, I was like, what was that segment? We've got to try and remember it. And you're like, yeah. But now here it is. I mean, that's pretty, I've paraphrased, but that's pretty much the meat and potatoes of this email.

The last bit says, that said, may your dance music be forever performed by non-crying DJjs and your pcp induced cartoon horrors be few your friend from the far reaches of germany tim wolfenstein thank you tim wolfenstein so the job is to speculate as to what happened in that bathroom um so i'm going to do it on the friend zone no it's something to bear in mind for next time yeah it's a bloody good idea for a segment. It's kind of weird that we're just recording in a theatre that's open because there's a dance show happening in here soon and people are just kind of milling around, having a sniff.

Is it okay, Faith? No, the staff, the lovely Faith, she says it's fine. Good stuff. I've got one here for you, Tim. Hey, guys, I wanted to talk to you about your... Oh, rephrase that. Hey, guys, I wanted to talk to you about mothers. Oh, rephrase that. Hey, guys, I wanted to talk to you about mothers. Not our mothers.

Hit it at... Just mothers. Hit me with it. A significantly absent mother was that of our young hero, Zicoli. Another mother that was absent and unnamed, featured in Grown Ups 2, Hiccups McGee. Her son was a strange and powerful warlock known as Brayden. Brady, the Rat King, was the child of Sex and the city star charlotte york goldenblatt not

quite brady the rat king is the son of miranda and steve what do all the children have in common zicoly the beautiful heartthrob braden the powerful mystical warlock brady the silent ruler of the known world they're all powerful beyond belief this is the holy trinity they are all one yet one is all charlotte your golden blatt the only logical answer the mother mary hiccups mcgee is the coley's absent mother charlotte your golden blatt the point falls over on account of him getting the mother wrong but i see what he's saying yeah absolutely uh that miranda has father mothered sorry mothered all of these children. Mother-fathered a kid up.

Yeah. And obviously only cares for Brayden. Even then, I mean, she's a fairly absent mother. Yeah. What do you think about that? I think it's fantastic. I like the idea that all villains... Well, actually, no, hold on.

This is slightly issue-ridden for me because the inference is that a powerful villain is created when there is an absence of mother but i i know people who don't have mums and they turned out better than me better human beings yeah it's pretty low bar tim that's fair but i like um the power of a villain coming from an absence of something early on in their life i think that's good you know a rich tapestry can I say this? I just got a message back from Callie Rivers.

Real time. Who watched the movie. Real time. And I said, how do you find the rest of the movie? This is what I got back. What do you think? It was fucking terrible. But kind of entertainingly terrible. Barely though.

It was a major bummer for me, though, as a former fan to see the girls think this low. Sorry to hear that, Callie. Here's a message from Nicoleicole do you want it faith from the bar loves sex in the city yeah but have you seen the second film where they go to abu dhabi did you love it the new middle eight holy crap how many times have you seen it? Just recently, we went for an eight-star from season one to six. Faith has watched the whole, you've binge-watched every season and then did the movies on top. You've been getting into it.

Goddamn, a great review from Faith. What would you rate the movie out of five, the second movie? Yeah, how many stars from Faith at the Bar? Two stars. 2.5, at a push. Nicole writes, Hey, Guybo and Tim Tim. I wrote you boys a message on PayPal a few months ago,

but I fear you may have missed it. However, in light of your recent breakout into the jock market, I felt the need to write you again. I made a highlight video for my Ultimate Frisbee team. See link attached. Sorry, dude. Ultimate Frisbee. You do not qualify

as a jock get the fuck off get the fuck off our podcast dude i only know a couple people personally who play ultimate frisbee and they're jocks how thin and pasty are they nah they're dudes i know engineers they play they they don't play they do brazilian jujitsu and ultimate frisbee yeah and they are the most humiliating people i've ever heard of i used to revere and admire people who played ultimate frisbee i tried to get in on it and um you know the hammer throw where they throw it upside down and you can like belt it out harder there was a brief window in my life where i yearned to be able to hammer throw the frisbee i think that's what it's called hammer throwing and thank fuck I exited that phase within about two weeks of entering it because no one needs to hammer throw a fucking frisbee

you just want to go chuck a frisbee with mates this is the kind of goodbye what a great Anzac Day done and dusted with the frisbee for the year thank you this is the fucking cynicism that I did not want guy coming back off the plane from Australia worth

and I was hesitant to put an Aussie on the podcast. I've got to tell you look, I'm all for people doing what they enjoy and if you like playing ultimate frisbee, all power to you. But do not lump yourself in with people who play lacrosse. What you play is like chess with a frisbee. It's fucking humiliating.

You are a massive piece of shit Guy Montgomery. I can't believe you've made this judgement call and sullied the good name of the friendzone with it, to be honest anyway, the message continues see my attached link that would not have been possible without your podcast playing in the background as I sorted

through hours of footage, so they've made a montage as if they couldn't make Ultimate Frisbee more nerdy they've edited a video package of them playing it while listening to a podcast. What's this person's name? I'm going to find them.

I'm going to find where they live. I'm going to give them an American football and a black eye. This is Nicole. Oh, shit. I'm going to... Oh, no. I should have waited. I'm going to borrow from the Formatics of Boners of the Heart and Demand

an apology section from you at the end of this podcast. No worries. Anyway, so she's edited it up. For that and many other mindless tasks to your accents, particularly the pronunciation of the word yes. Now, as I'm saying it, it's made me very

self-conscious and giggle at myself, so good on you, Nicole. Pronunciation of the word yes and in-depth analysis over utterly meaningless subject matter have gotten me through. I thank you sincerely. Do it Destiny's child style. I get it. Say my name, say my name. Nicole McDaniel.

Nicole McDaniel. Which I'm going to watch while Guy's going to apologize personally to you. McDaniel. Which I'm going to watch while Guy's going to apologise personally to you. I would like to thank you for your message and apologise

for the the promise of tracking you down and hurting you. I was trying to do a bit

There's a tricky thing about comedy, eh? Yeah, and also I don't think you're a jock. I just don't think people who play Ultimate Frisbee are jocks. I'm sorry, but I'm not taking that from the record.

I just can't. Taking back the threat of violence. I will retract that and I will apologise and thank you for your correspondence and friendship. I would have demanded an apology from you. You probably wouldn't have given it sans violence though. It's just the fact that you're being so bloody negative about people who are playing Ultimate Frisbee.

And I'm looking at this four and a half minute highlights reel and i'm on the edge of my goddamn seat guy this is good stuff i'm gonna phone call that i've actually got to answer so emmy's gonna take the mic good god i can confirm that you're at the very back of the seat your ass is in the back crease you're not on the edge of your seat and the video you watch probably fucking sucks bro it's so appropriate that this is being recorded on anzac day because i feel like i'm at the bottom of the cliff in the moral right and i'm being fired on from all sides i'm completely surrounded and on my own but like a good anzac crusader i'm there with you press forward hey like a good anzac i'm there with you no you're the turks in this analogy no i'm not i'm an aussie and we're in it together dude and just like when you're really good friends with someone

you can tell them how it is i'm telling you as your loyal ally just like i believe the ultimate frisbee is bullshit and you're not on the edge of your seat you're at the back of your seat fuck you get off the fucking microphone have you seen that Stone Hacksaw Ridge No I have not Sucks Is that like Wolf Creek No It's like a war aggrandisation film That Mel Gibson made

Oh How recent is it It just was Post or pre us knowing It was like in this year's Oscars That he hates Jewish people Oh it's the new new one Yeah just hell sucks ass

Oh true It reminds me of like war Do you like anything bro Have you got any light in your heart Yeah Or are you just pure darkness and cold Name it But you'll have to name it and i'll say yes or no the fate of the furious yeah i loved it yeah what was your favorite bit i don't want to spoil it because but for any kiwis who've seen it there's a particular scene buzzfeed ruined it for me with

a bloody title i'm not gonna say it for fear of ruining for that was so good i had not expected that scene and i got to watch it here with a Kiwi audience and it was like my favorite moment that I've had for quite some time. The gasps and the chuckles and sort of just the way the air exited the room. They didn't put it out in the marketing, eh? Like they didn't promote that moment. Yeah.

Here's Guy back. Was your second favorite bit when you thought it was over after two hours and ten minutes and you got half an hour of bonus footage, you fucking idiot. This one comes from Steven. Hey, how was that phone call, you fucking piker? It was great.

I'm going to go meet up with a friend of the podcast, Paul Douglas, after this. You came off of a recording of the podcast to take a call from PD. Oh, he kept calling me. That's insane. You're a madman. No, I'm a good guy. You've got to get your priorities in order and stop threatening women with violence. He had a tag team partner in me.

He had someone available. Not as long as you would think, and I'd be keen to know how long you think we've been recording for. I reckon 22. Oh, you're pretty close, actually. 24 and a half. Not bad. This one reads,

Dear Guy and Tim, Don't know if you read Facebook messages on the Friendzone episodes, but feel free to say my name if it comes up. Stephen McDonald, have you listened to the Friendzone? Half of feel free to say my name if it comes up. Stephen McDonald. Have you listened to the Friendzone? Half of it's Facebook, baby. I'm catching up on season three, and I just heard the ep containing a good 10 minutes worth of phone call

with Mont Senior. Just wanted to say it was the best thing I've ever heard on a podcast. Oh, that is very flattering and savage. You've listened to everything we've done. This is why everyone loves my dad write a porno. Yeah. People love dads. Guy, your father sounds like a fucking legend.

And if I could wish for one thing on the podcast, it would be to have him as a guest for an episode. You boys are an absolutely perfect team, and I'll heavily listen to anything you cover in the future. Thanks for three perfect seasons. Looking forward to your further endeavors. All the best, Steve. Well, Steve, that was very generous, so thank you.

Are you going to tell your dad that? That Steve says he's awesome? Yeah, I'll pass it. I mean, if we can get... You should forward that on to him. If we can get dad on the potty... Yeah, I'd love that. He'd be a good laugh.

Dad's a good guy. Felix writes, Dear Tim Clark, Bat, and Guy, Colin Montgomery. Who's Tim Clark? Oh, who's to say? Comedian? Man. Golf themed.

That's the next line. Great. Following on from West Idea of All Time's surprising energy with sports covered in episode 42 of The Friend Zone, just this week I was reading through the usual mindless and non-stop nonsense of a Facebook messenger feed through the younger members of our club titled Handicapped Golf Chat. The question put forward for discussion by a fellow golfer was,

who should I see at the Sydney Comedy Festival? Out of the blue came the names Tim Beck and Guy Montgomery. Now, boys, this was the last place on earth I thought I'd see these two beautiful names. Oh, that's so good. It pleased me to proclaim to the feed with my head held high that both solo tickets were purchased

that very morning. I assume they mean by themselves. Quickly, a private chat opened between the recommendee, okay, I will say the name, James Rayner, and I elated in the fact that unaware he was a listener,

we shared our love for you two fuckboys. J-Ray, Fiji, myself, and my ex-girlfriend, who made me wear the podcast, Izzy, will be coming along to both your solo shows on Sunday the 21st of May, and I couldn't be more excited. After the podcast? Because the podcast is on that same day.

Oh, man, yes, double hitter. Please expect my $5 a month Patreon donation as a small token of gratitude for the many hours of oral pleasure. Would love to hear this read on the friend zone before the 21st. Shit. 21st of what? May. Yeah.

Would very much make my flappy doodles twitch. Good God. With love from Felix. For the friend zone, PS, if you ever feel like a game while in Sydney, James, a very competent golfer, off one, that means he's one under the park. That means he is beyond very competent. It means he's borderline amateur.

I would love to have you at our respective clubs for a beer and a bash. Felix, so much to unpack there. Firstly, you guys are probably the only people coming to my show in Sydney. So can I extend the warmest thanks to you imaginable i've seen my ticket sales you guys are representing potentially 100 of sales right now it's wonderful news and guy would you like to extend it yeah i just want to say a huge thank you and also i would actually love to bang out nine holes um we'll message it should us message on the hen Henry is giggling

like a schoolgirl banging out nine holes yeah that's great totally accidental I'll find a way to contact you thanks for the message I got a big one here

you're alright and we've also got a message from the friend zone ayo dear Timzilla and Guy Mera why has it gone so blue today

just wanted to send you a note of praise and support after the excellent Binders of the Heart crossover extravaganza. Yeah. Guy's despair breaks my heart, yet makes me laugh all the harder as I listen to your wonderful, ludicrous podcast.

Truly, there have been no great absurdists since Beckett. I don't know what it is you tapped into, but the worst idea is paradoxically the best. I'd almost call it art, but I think that might kill the concept of art and i don't want that on my hands maybe guys the reason for my message is an interesting tidbit i read about the production mystery science theater 3000 i don't know if it isn't great in the comedy culture of god's line as it is here but it shares some dna with what

you fellas do if you haven't heard of it at all the stripped down premises a guy and his robot friends are subjected to cheesy b movies as a form of torture maintaining their sanity by quivering Oh, shit. best qualities in these trashy movies even when they're not really there anyway i thought i'd send you guys a friendly friends i missed before it all comes to an end i'm on the patreon so hopefully you've been getting my soft earned canadian dollars on the regular cheers boys and even though i'll miss it for fuck's sake don't do this to yourselves again say my name even if you can't sam young very tricky one yeah wrap my mouth around it though hey sam few things to unpack there firstly and and i can't say this enough, anyone who's giving us any amount of money on the Patreon, we are so incredibly grateful.

You guys are the shit. Secondly, what was the rest of that message about? I got real tied up in the money thing real quick. The message was just pretty much Sam Young being a good guy, saying that Mystery Science Theatre shares DNA with us. That was the third point I was going to get to. My second point is saying that you would ruin art by comparing us to it that is praise um i don't think anyone deserves least of all us i love god bless you for saying it and uh thirdly ms3k definitely a concept that guy and i have like um people have come up to us and told

us that our show is formatically similar to I have to confess I have not watched it the rebooted new one on Netflix or the old original series is the old ones on Netflix too? yeah they got put up I think there was like some best of episodes to promo yeah I mean I need to I should get into it for sure

that's crazy that they use the terminology shining light too but yeah thank you so much i i do want to check out mystery science theater 3000 because i think a lot of people who like our podcast have watched that and they're like it's the same vein of comedy ruddy tootley you're so distracted by your phone guy i feel like you're not even looking at me well i was just reading the remaining uh messages but none of them are for the friend zone. But look at me and tell me how you feel. I feel great, Tim. Yeah?

Yeah, man. I'm so happy to be back in New Zealand. We've got a very exciting next episode we're going to record. It's going to be a lot of fun for you at home. It's going to have something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. That's all I'll say. Oh, hopefully. And

aside from that, please come along to live podcasts. If you're in New Zealand, check out mine and Tim's shows. We're both playing in Wellington and Auckland at different times. And check us out at the Sydney Comedy Festival. All of my dates are available at Guymont Comedy.

Guymontcomedy.com forward slash shows. And let me say this. If you go to littleempirepodcast.com and you click on the live shows button, everything is there. It's got my live shows. It's got Guy's live shows, Auckland, Wellington, Sydney.

It's got our upcoming show in the Sydney Comedy Festival doing The Worst Idea. It's got everyone else who's on the network. All the other thoroughbreds in the Little Empire stables have all got their dates up there. So just get in there.

And it's also right at the top of the page, got the video of us doing our live VEP in Melbourne, so you can get a taste of what it's like to be part of it. It's beautiful stuff. Isn't it? Yeah, it really is. Henry, you got anything to say? I'm a huge fan of everything.

Henry Stone, ladies and gentlemen. Very faint praise. Thanks to the basement for having us yeah basement theatre in Auckland make sure you get up here in Auckland come along and see a show

down at the basement theatre fantastic venue my favourite to play at in the whole city bye everybody we'll catch you real soon well it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy

come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy cause making friends is the best idea of all time thanks for listening to this little empire podcast we've got live shows happening in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival powered by Flick Electric Co so go to comedy festival.co.nz and buy tickets now meanwhile if you enjoyed this show maybe you should listen to Walkout Boys

with Nick Sampson and Joseph Moore. So this movie immediately, really just a middle finger to the face of all creationist believers. Just really, a real fuck you. Yeah. Look, there were dinosaurs and in this time,

Rita Repulsa was fighting some alien Power Rangers. One of them played by Bryan Cranston. And they all get killed. And then the Power Coins get buried underground. Yeah, we know, Nick. Okay. Cut to modern times. We're jerking off cows.

Yeah.