The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Four

Episode Date: March 31, 2016

Guy and Tim pop back in to your ear holes to say hello and fill you in on what's coming soon. Recorded in a Melbourne AirBNB, on a bed, for you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Friendzone 4. You're in the friendzone. It's been a while. In the great words of an R&B singer, it's been a long time, long time. Shouldn't have left you, left you. With that I don't mean to step to step to step to step to step to i've heard that one in a while guy montgomery how are you good thanks tim bett how are you i'm very well um so sorry for our absence everyone i know it's been a it's been a stressful time for you and yours uh not you tim i'm speaking to the listener oh no i got it mate i'm a professional.

I know who you're talking about and who you're talking to and what you're saying. I feel like I'm talking directly into your crotch now. This is a weird position we're in. Physically, Tim and I are draped across my bed in an Airbnb in Melbourne in Fitzroy. and Airbnb in Melbourne, in Fitzroy. It is March 31st, 2.55pm. Oh, you've really put a date stamp, so I've got to get this thing online today, huh?

It's called pressure. You put the fire under me. Oh, yeah, boy. And we are friends. We are friends. We're in the zone. The zone is Australia, right on this bed, located here in Australia.

Hey, so obviously, Tim, the last thing that was uploaded was a triumphant finale to the Sex and the City 2 chapter. Yes. A gruesome chapter of our lives. It was. What's been happening with you since then? I got married. Jesus. And then I got divorced. Wow.

Yes. I'm a regular Nick Swordson of this podcast. Hey, that's a deep grown-ups too cut for any Nick Swordson fans. GU2 fans out there. Hashtag GU3D. Swordons. Sword fans.

Swordfish. Swordfish. I bet you he's made that joke on stage before. I hope so. If he hasn't hasn't Nick you can have that one He's got a great comedy brain On your upcoming tour with Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Spade David Spade That's right

In between performing live jokes I'm sure that you'll be toiling away on the Grown Ups 3 script For five minutes a day Hey if we feel If we sound a little tired, a little worn out We're having a good time worn out we're um we're having a good time but oh we're tuckered we're tuckered here in melbourne we are in the belly of the melbourne international comedy festival beast doing shows doing lots of shows guys doing

a lot of shows i'm doing a few shows you're doing lots of shows but doing a couple shows drinking a few beers drinking a few babies you're a little boy, aren't you? I am. What are you hungrier for, shows or beers? Shows. I'm gobbling them up in my tummy. Well, I've seen you gobbling up some beers. You've been eating the glass. You've got a very upset tummy. I'm staying with a friend of mine here in Melbourne.

I'm not staying with Guy because- You have stayed with Guy. For obvious reasons. Yeah, I did. I slept in this very bed alongside you not three days ago. But I wasn't going to bring that up. We were both in our underpants.

At one point when we were getting into bed it was quite late and we were very tired and Tim, you were wearing a t-shirt still and pants and I was like,

oh, I feel like our relationship is regressed if Tim thinks he has to sleep in his clothes and then I got into bed and watched as you disrobed and joined me

and I was like, that's my boy Tim Bette. Undies, no touching the tim and guy montgomery story i sleep in a t-shirt often though that's not a blight on you i do that when i'm by myself do you is that gross i i like to sleep with nothing on yeah you're one of them you are that is very on brand for guy mont. Someone threw at me the other day. Well, I reckon, yeah. When I tried to defend that I legitimately enjoyed Batman versus Superman,

they were like, yeah, yeah. But, you know, liking unpopular movies, it's kind of on brand for you, which I misinterpreted. But they were just referring to the podcast. But you don't like those movies. What movies? Yeah, no, exactly. Look, it's neither here nor there.

So you're staying with Jules. You were telling a story. Oh, yeah. She's got a gorgeous wee kitten. And because it's just been Easter, there's a few chocolate eggs around. And her kitten ate a couple of the eggs, tinfoil and all. Yeah, we were real worried about it. Rung the vet, and the vet was like, don't worry.

It's dogs that die from chocolate cats get a bit crook but it should be okay but it's little kitten digestive system couldn't have broken down the foil it would have had to do a foily poo yeah i was looking out for that did a bit of diarrhea when when i was younger uh black labrador when it was a puppy bella uh went around to the neighbor's house and the neighbors were like sort of young studenty larrikin types and they fucking fed bella balloons and when bella came back she shat out balloons which obviously with time is funny sorry yeah but at the time it's like oh come on who feeds a puppy balloon yeah that's fucked up man that's not right at all none of that's right so anyway tim's been goblin bears and shows uh what have you been doing yeah i've been goblin bears and

shows too yeah we've got a similar diet you and i in melbourne um but what we we haven't done yet is we haven't watched we are your friends we're getting a lot of actually can you pull up the facebook page our Facebook page, and just go to the announcements? I want to read some of these comments. It tackled me pink to see such consternation among the minority, but very vocal minority,

claiming things like, you can't do We Are Your Friends. It's not a sequel. Oh, it's not bad enough a movie. Guess what, guys? Listen to the voice you've afforded these people you condescending son of a bitch there are no rules to this thing we feel it we feel the vibe feel the rhythm feel the vibe come on boys it's bobsleigh time see so caitlin lewis which is the

currently the top comment with 14 likes said one hour and 40 blissful minutes of edm and people jumping into pools and to be honest you captured the zeitgeist of how i feel the first criteria with 14 likes said one hour and 40 blissful minutes of EDM and people jumping into pools and to be honest you captured the zeitgeist of how I feel the first criteria for choosing this movie

was run time yeah that was a heavy variable for you that was the that was the top ticket top ticket item on there you needed a sub

two hour film for Guy Montgomery's brain mental wellness but the yeah I thought it was shorter than that I've been telling

people it's like an hour 15 I've overshot it so it's an hour 40 is it but I'm yeah it's gonna be bliss I'm looking forward to it 100 minutes I'm a I love bit of EDM they've got a lot of justice in the ad for it and the trailer the trailer gives away literally the entire film so I feel like i have already seen

it well we don't know if he succeeds in his quest to become a dj at the end but i'll tell you what tim i'd be willing to wager a cheeky five that he absolutely does yeah i'll i won't take that bet with you but if we can find some sucker to take that bet against us we'll go down to the south yarra river down to the casino golden crown and we will lay our money upon the table and we will win. Yeah, naturally. A couple of born winners over here. To be honest, I can't find any comments

on the Facebook status which is like... Oh, it's there mate. I've seen it. But as I say, it is the minority. Most people are supportive. I'm so curious as to why you guys chose this from Alison Galifianakis. Any relation? I don't know how popular a name that is. Because it might be a really popular name in Greece.

And I just am not aware of that. Yeah, I'd say it would be. I'd say it's like Smith. Like, anyway, the thing is, everybody, it's not about the movie. It's never been about the movie. It's a little about the movie, isn't it? I don't really care. Yeah, that's what it comes down to. It was just on the day we had to choose something

And that's what we chose and we said it out loud And now we're doing it Which is how every determination of this journey so far has been made A split second decision Leading to bad times For Guy and I But, you know, enjoyable broadly But terrible in individual hits

Punches to the face every week so it's that's we legitimately didn't know what movie we were going to do when we rocked on stage for the final episode of season two we weren't 100 sure and i actually guy and i said this backstage we were like whoever sees the first movie first, that's it. We just lock it in and it's done. That's true. You might be thinking, but that surely is a reckless way to plan out the next year of your life. It's

been done, so stop living in the past. Get on board. Margaret, Warren. You're dragging your heels, Warren. Shane, Paul, Peter, Darcy. It's happened. Everyone else with a different name.'s happened these things happen so we haven't started watching it yet we haven't even determined a date it's going to be pretty shortly but before we do that we've got a few special projects uh that we're

going to put on the old podcast stream that you're going to absolutely gobble up bloody oath um the first one that's going to hit you, I'm not going to reveal what the second one is, but the first one is we're going to grab that audio. I'm pretty sure it's sitting around somewhere from the table read. We did a Grown Ups 2 table read in Los Angeles. With the script that we remembered.

Fuck, it was a good cast. It popped off, yeah. So we did it with the Ben's Akron Blacker, the Thrilling Adventure, our boys' fantastic podcast. Check it out. And our cast featured uh people like busy phillips jason ritter mark mcconville from uh super ego and pistol troops baron vaughn melanie linsky kate mccucci arden mirren annie savage hal lublin michael mcmillian mcmillian mcmillian it's spelt mcmillian it's pronounced i know you're listening right now, Michael,

and I'm telling you you've been pronouncing it wrong for your whole fucking life. We had a bloody great time gobbling up some beers and shows with McMillan. I had some big lols with McMillan. I had a great chat to him. And then when I was getting home on the plane ride home, I just crammed a whole season of Silicon Valley,

and lo and behold, Macmillan's there. Macmillan? Yeah, I pointed it out to you at the time. I think you were drunk and on sleeping pills though, guy. Hey. You're a waster. We said we wouldn't air our dirty laundry. We said we wouldn't.

Look, guys, I love all of you for listening. And rest assured that we will be back with you with your regularly scheduled programming soon enough. As it stands, if you are in Melbourne, Australia or have any friends or family in Melbourne, Australia, please send them along to our shows. Tim, what's your show?

It's called Vote Bat and I've abandoned comedy at this point and I'm trying to launch a political career. So it's a... What is that? Is it a fly?

Yeah. Fuck, all the creatures here that? Is that a fly? Yeah. Fuck, all the creatures here are just a little bit odd. Yeah. They're either too big or too slow, and everything's just a bit scary. Like, look at what that fly's doing. There's no way to talk about the Australian people. That is not like how normal flies act, though.

It's creepy. They're different. Yeah, vote bat. Check it out. It's only got two shows left. Realistically, no one's going to come. Talk about out. It's only got two shows left. Realistically, no one's going to come. Talk about your show. I have got 16 shows left.

16 solo shows. Get them in you. It's an hour-long stand-up show called Guymont Comedy. And I'm really good at it, if you just give me a chance. It's on at 6 o'clock Tuesday through Saturday at the Forum Theatre. Give them a chance, Lance. And on Sunday night, it's at 6.15pm, a slightly different time. It's a stonker.

You'll love it. Some fans have already come. And to those who have, I tip my hat. Yeah, absolutely. I've had a couple of people shake me hand after Vote Bat and say, love the podcast. And I want to take this opportunity, if I didn't say it to your face, I love you too. That's right. It warms the cockles of our heart.

We both have quite irregular hearts. They're surrounded by cockles. Cold cockles. So it needs the warmth that you push in there. Otherwise, if they stay cold, they slow our heartbeat down and we'll both die before we finish doing We Are Your Friends. Cockles are crustaceans, eh? It's like shellfish?

Is that what a cockle is? I'm thinking of baubles, which is like the balls you hang on a christmas tree right different thing um actually i was just going to mention if there's any uh kiwi battlers out there who listen to the podcast immediately after melbourne will be coming to new zealand to do the comedy festival with some shows as well so just google around and buy some tickets would you because it gets very depressing yeah Yeah. People don't come to a comedy. It's hard out here for a pimp or a performer. Also, I am doing an improv show,

16 more of those little puppies. It's called Snort with Friends. It's a great show. We do it every night. Fucking hell. And if you want to come on to that, that would also be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, why don't you just continue living your best life?

Now, I just want to hear from the person listening actually how you doing how are you oh yeah and then what happened what'd she say that's messed up that's messed up you can't tolerate that it pays not to think about these things too much tell honestly if it was me i would tell her to pull her head in but i can understand it's a predicament that you're in so just just try your best to kind of broach it gently with her and if she starts reacting badly just you know pull back a little bit and i'd say just don't hang out with her anymore to be honest that's what i'd say you don't need that toxic energy in your life no totally not but apart from that things are good good um what else do we need to mention uh i don't know i don't think anything yeah i just kind of want to say hello to be honest

to all you out there i do even though i can't see you right now i know you're listening and i do feel like it's really good to catch up we've've got some exciting stuff coming this year, I reckon. We're building things. We're building things for you guys. Yeah, we've got a co-share and a Ghostbusters Lego kit and we're building the shit out of that. We're going to post all the photos so you can enjoy one one millionth of the enjoyment we get out of it.

You can have. Yeah. Which is 0.00001%. And and also if you listen to the podcast but aren't a fan of the facebook page i actually posted up recently the first time tim and i ever worked together uh which is a show called the loo review if you are die hard and want to trace the origins of the podcast the whole series is available on youtube but the first link is on the worst medieval time page second from the top yeah let's just plug the shit out of everything, mate. Let's really sell out hard here.

Facebook.com slash Worst Idea of All Time. While you're on the internet, while you've got your browser open, why not give the old Guy Montgomery comedian page a like as well? Let's boost those numbers. Let's hit it up. No, I don't want you fingering around on that page. Get out of there!

You can jump on my way. Get out of there! You can jump on my way. Get out of there! While we're on the old facey, old social media platform du jour, why don't you click your little turtle to Tim Bat, comedian slash manc. Like that page as well. What's that? You've got an attention span of an ant and you've opened a new tab. Clicked over to Twitter.

Why don't you fucking hit up old T-Bone on the tweets? That's right. Tim Bat. What's the handle? Tim underscore Bat. Two Ts. Two Ts. Very important.

And joining him, his trusty old mate and companion on everyone's favorite 140 character social media platform, Guy underscore Mont. Guilty as charged. Content, folks. It's about content. It's about branding.

It's about synergy. It's about going viral. It's about creating content that's accessible to the hashtag youth. It's about Gen Y millennial punters out there sharing in content, creating a culture, building the vibe, and us monetizing that. This oil company is going to be the largest, longest-lasting empire the world's ever seen. That's right.

Tim and I have found a crude oil well here in Melbourne and we've struck gold. Texas Tea. I always wondered in that song, because that's from the Beverly Hillbillies, that's one of the lyrics in the opening theme, are they saying Texas Tea as in the letter or like tea and coffee?

I don't know. It's the latter, isn't it? I don't know how the song goes It's real good you should play it It's good Let me tell you a story about a man named Jed Yeah You got it

Texas tea Let's stop this right now Black gold Right now Oil that is It's all over