The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Fourteen

Episode Date: July 10, 2016

Well it's the Friendzone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the Frienzone, and have a good time. Yes, it's the Friendzone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time!Taxes, letters of love, people named Alasdair - this Friendzone truly has it all. Tim needs to warm up before launching into the mailbag, Guy is happy as Larry due to running, a slice from Alice and not having just watched We Are Your Friends. We learn the German for 'punchable face' and a dope potential sequel for WAYF is submitted from a listener. Also, Guy does more accents! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Correct! Welcome along to the friend zone. I'll never get tired of that one, I like that one. I believe you, I believe you. And that's what friendship's about, it's about belief. It sounded like you didn't. Yeah, I was deciding if I was going or not, but I did. Hey, everybody. If you're a masochistic son of a bitch who's tuned in to hear Guy and I

smashing ourselves around the face and brain with the Max Joseph 2015 Zac Efron attempted a vehicle but absolutely a bomb at the box office, we are your friends, you are going to be disappointed, all of that was in parenthesis, yeah we regretfully inform you this is a discussion about friendship our friendship with one another but more importantly our friendship

with you and right at the gates if I may I'd like to say a huge thank you, I just saw this on Twitter, to Colin or at lol in ruffle in whose twitter bio is purely the words science bitch that's good that's good strong has tweeted out saying a wild minimum joseph appeared and then included a gif of uh his cameo or his friend's cameo i'm not quite clear if it's minimum joseph or it can't be maximum joseph it's his friend yeah Minimum Joseph yeah at the party

he's a good looking enthusiastic dude he gives James Reed a high five so big thank you for you for digging that up Colin saving us trying to spot it

every week in the goddamn movie and they've time coded it and everything yeah 1530 thank you thank you so much

to us to us no I don't even it's too early for me to read a letter out it's too early it's too early in the day i just want to say hello to you guys it's 5 a.m in the morning we're up at sparrows fart doing this i want to address you yeah mano emano yeah here here i am doing it. Hello. Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane. And talk to you like a gentleman. Yeah. Are you good? Yeah, I'm good, man. Good.

I'm good. I'm in a good mood. Yeah. I've been running a lot lately and I think that helps. I think that I'm generally I try to be in a good mood, but I think that does that regular exercise thing. I always forget to do it. And then when I remember, I always feel a in a good mood, but I think that regular exercise thing, I always forget to do it,

and then when I remember, I always feel a little bit better. Matthew Hatfield writes, Hi, boys. Love the podcast and your rapid descent into madness. You've inspired me to watch We Are Your Friends twice, and I expect to watch it several more times by the year's end. One of the main problems I have with the film, other than Johnny Depp being without his moustache in the

lad's intro montage, months before he brutally murders Skrill, timecode people were sending us timecodes, good on you, 347, is that our boy Brocolli, haven't heard that before, that's good, Brocolli

never seems to pay his taxes. Normally this wouldn't annoy me or even stand out in a movie but he receives large amounts of cash in hand and stashes it in his bed for no real reason maybe to hide it from the government maybe he doesn't have the cognitive capacity to pay it another problem born due to the absence of his father uh or that i'm trying to read through the pop shield. It's so hard. Or that he thinks himself a god.

And that his one banging track is his ticket out of Texas. Regardless of his intentions and in keeping with Tim's dreams of a sequel, the next film starts out with Broccoli being audited by the IRS, interrupting the aptly named Summerfest and the aptly named...fest and the aptly named.

Good on you for taking the time to think of an adjective to put before Summerfest. You know what Summerfest is? It's aptly named. It's a festival in summer. God bless them for pointing that out. Good on you, Matthew. Let me finish this email, though.

Where was I? Summerfest, dragging him off to prison where he has to deal with numerous gangs and French EDM clubs dissatisfied with being there. With his being there. The movie? We are out of friends.

So named for the huge hulking man that tells Broccoli this in the prison showers moments before an unflinching and traumatic portrayal of prison rape. Wow. Somehow Paige and James Reid get together in an amazing duo to break him out. Something involving sentimental diamonds.

Thanks for reading. Matt H. from Scotland. Took a real turn there at the end. Yeah, but it was a powerfully well-considered sequel and much more heavy-handed than We Are Your Friends, which I think is probably what it needs to push it over the edge from just another sequel to a movie that people are going to talk about uh so thank you for that contribution yeah i totally our friend uh i'd actually this is a big one for me tim uh in the weekend i did a show in wellington yeah uh and it was really good fun so

thanks to everyone who came along uh but especially thank you to someone by the name of else joel if so imagine this i'm i'm going to the venue to to check in say hey i'm here i'm excited and this is before the doors were open and the owner vaughn uh vks it's a great comic if you've been willing to check it out came out and said oh look hey man before you go someone came uh someone came by here earlier with this bag for you and i was like i don't remember needing a bag or requesting a bag from anyone and he gave me this plastic bag and inside the bag was a a home like a tupperware like a plastic tupperware container with home-baked louise slice and a lovely card and written upon the card were the following words. Guy I am sure

of very few things but here are a couple of them The latest season of Game of Thrones has been surprisingly adequate Hamilton is a dope piece of historiography Eggs should not be eaten in tube form. These aren't healthy though they are gluten free but they have the

good sense to be rectangular. That was in reference to the slices. Have a good show and thanks again for suffering for our amusement. Else Jolliffe. Now, as I understand it,

Else Jolliffe didn't come to the show because she said she didn't have her ID and she was too young. Or not too young, but she didn't have her ID. Perceivably too young.

Oh, that's so brutal. But a huge huge thank you to you for the lovely slice i actually made my friend praki a piece first just to make sure you hadn't done anything weird to it yeah it's called listener food i'm used to that in radio when you get sent stuff you get the intern to eat it first and give it a couple of hours uh but thank you so much that was honestly it really made my it really made my day so thank you that's fantastic

god that's nice isn't it you should go do a show in Wellington see if you can outdo my Louise slice maybe I will this is from Tom

Tom writes dear spindly windily timbly and guy brush threepwood guy brush threepwood

threepwood I think it's supposed to be three wood nah I like threepwood guy brush threepwood it think it's supposed to be Threewood? Nah, I like Threepwood Guybrush Threepwood's the name I'm an architect I started listening to your dumb dumb podcast on the back of my

Mabim Bam Marathon when it came around to Till Death Do Us Blart, at which point I listened and thought, hey, this is cool Is that the guy from Flight of the Conchords and Yes Man? And I quickly realised Tim wasn't. I've been hooked on ever since.

After embarking on the worst binge listen of all time, I just wanted to say you chaps are absolute legends. Ease added to mimic the New Zealand dialect. And I bloody love your podcast. Keep it up, gents. You are greatly appreciated. Please come and do a UK show. Most importantly, live every moment, love every day. Keep it up, gents. You are greatly appreciated. Please come and do a UK show.

Most importantly, live every moment, love every day. Keep pounding that Java or hail the Rat King. Oh, wow. Lovely. God, these are really... He also, in a new message moments afterwards, he also said, P.S. I plan to sling you blokes some dosh,

but I've put that on hold until the pound pulls out of its Brexit and juice a nosedive can you please read that again in a british accent just the the extra bit p.s i plan to sling you blokes some dosh but i've put that on hold i don't know what british dialect this is till the pound pulls out of its Brexit-induced nosedive. Very good. We travelled through so many counties in that one sentence. That was probably the best British accent

in that it was so broad it covered every single part of the British Empire. Piss week. Week T. Actually, this isn't Rebecca. Rubecker, spelt with an ru at the start writes hey timbo and geyser i couldn't ever think of a better way to spend my lunch breaks than sitting in the brisbane botanical garden and listening to the lovely ramblings of you two bloody kiwis when i binge listen to twioat i start thinking in the new zealand accent i'm not sure if i should

be worried my boyfriend who has also sent a message to you guys and you had to bleep his name out on the friend zone. And I may be heading to New Zealand in Feb 2017. Any chance either of you have some tour dates lined up, we'd love to spend some bulk dollaroos on your gigs.

Anyway, thank you so much for the hours of entertainment making me laugh. On public transport, much appreciated. With love, from Brizzy. Oh, wow. God, the good people of Brisbane, they just keep on giving. They sure do. But anonymously. And that's to your question.

No, we don't have any plans because we don't make plans that far out. I don't know where I'll be in February. No, yeah, February is a long time from now. It's really hard to know. But through the medium of this conversation yeah we will keep you posted i've tagged one more as an important one to read and it's from someone called will but i feel like i've done enough reading do you want to read it yeah sure man i love reading if you go i've always prided myself on being a very good sight reader you are good at it bloody good

thank you uh so if you if you go on the the facebooky facebooky i don't like saying people's last names on this podcast for privacy reasons so his name is will jay in the messages and he's seen it on uh june the 30th all right i'm i'm digging through the archives while guys doing that i'd just like to say his name again please Will, and the initial is J for the last name. Yep. I'm on it. It's weird that I've been very particular about Will because I say last names all the time.

Yeah, I like arbitrarily drawing a line in privacy protection every once in a while. Only a few people get it. To hell with you. So this is from Will Jeffery, an Australian. Accordingly, I'll read it as such. G'day, Spindly, Timbly, Wimbly, and Guy Guy. Australian here, living in Germany.

Was on the bus on the way to work listening to Natalatown this morning, and you mentioned the bloke with the punchable face, which prompted me to pull out my phone in order to get in touch. Something I thought you two might find interesting is that in the German language, there is a word for that type of person. The word is The etymology of the word is a little strange. Back is the word for cheek, and pfeifen is to whistle, and gissicht is face.

Back pfeifen gissicht is a northern German term popularized in the 19th century as a term for a slap, possibly meaning a slap that whistles towards the cheek. So the full word, Jesus, how many times are you making me say this, motherfucker?

Backpfeifengischicht means a slappable face. Close enough, I thought. Also, a mate of mine got me onto the podcast about four months ago. I've barreled through the first two seasons and now I'm up to date.

It's been a crazy few months for me as I have faced defilitation notices, have had multiple scares at border control, and have been knocked back by the visa office a couple of times. It's all starting to settle down now, thankfully, but through all the madness, two things remain constant. My girlfriend's support, new boys talking absolute fucking rubbish.

I thank you for it. By the way, the addition to the Friendzone episode Is a welcome change Good luck with this last season If you boys are ever In the neighbourhood Hamburg, Germany Hit me up for somewhere to crash

Free drinking Tour included Cheers Will Will Who is who I am I'm a good guy And I'd like to thank myself

In character as myself For being such a A keen listener And a fine writer And Quite the linguist i've studied languages at university before presumably because i sure seem to know a lot about the etymology of german words presumably i speak two languages which is great this is insane

and character is a fan who sent us a letter that's that's something else um those are my favorite kind of messages to get though guys like guy who's like, oh, good day. I'm a guy here who had a whole lot of shit go wrong. And I was listening to your podcast while it was happening. Yeah. It sounds like you might have been doing some vaguely illegal stuff. Oh, absolutely. It sounds like you are really just ignoring immigration laws.

At no point did you say, which was bullshit because I wasn't doing anything wrong. Anyway. I'm going to read some emails that have come through this one's from valerie hey timbo and flash you guys are my please you guys are my favorite f boys in episode six you guys had a long discussion about money laundering a few years ago i was watching a TV program called The Marriage Ref. This brought on comedians and had them adjudicate like marital disputes. That's a fucking dynamite concept. Holy shit, I would watch that.

Oh, that's so good. Well-known germaphobe Howie Mendel was on the program. He spoke in length about how his wife launders all of his money, speaking of washing it not hiding it from the government, oh so literally laundering it, zero of the people on the show, brackets five other people, made any kind of comment

as to how that is commonly used phrase for a criminal act and all behaved like using it to mean cleaning money was not at all weird or unusual. I've not been able to forget this conversation since. You guys reminded me of it with your talk of money washing. I was so excited to have a reason to share this bonkers situation with someone.

It was a real win for me. I don't often have a reason to bring up a really bad cancelled show from five years ago. Have an amazing day. Valerie Austin. Valerie, wow, I'm so happy for you as well that's great that's just you guys were talking about something you're reminding me something else it's fucking awesome uh this person i read out the next email please yeah oh it's just fucking hard because the cables and shit this one's a well i'll do this one

because it's short and then i'll find a big one and give it to you this person says have you ever seen or heard of the movie end of days with arnold schwarzenegger that movie is absolutely ridiculous i think it would be prime material for your next movie so sorry to tell you first name last name which is what you've got in your email address um not gonna happen You shouldn't say their full name Tim Not gonna happen This is the last season This is the limp victory lap As we drag ourselves around the stadium To our emptying fans

Oh god It's all hard isn't it No it's okay People love this stuff What you just heard Was Guy and I passing a laptop Between each other without trying to like disconnect that's right that's the content you want uh so from amelie in phoenix

arizona okay sure you can't see but guy and i just both shrugged at each other as if to say yeah that'll do for phoenix dear friends phoenix via text edit dear friends writing to see that my boyfriend brock and i emily are in fact your friends thank you so much for continuing the effort for being friends to each other and being friends to us brock sends you tweets and i like instas that's how we stay in touch we started listening from the beginning while you guys were already in season two while we were on vacation in new york city little Little did we know at that point you had begun suffering through sex in the city too. Fun story with that. My girlfriends and I sort in theaters.

My quirky friend wore a turban. There's a bit to unpack just out of that one idea. First of all, I love that you've assigned one friend to be the quirky friend in your group. I like that. That's their role. The quirky friend sounds more like the racist friend. Potentially. Yeah.

She's got a fun and interesting take on situations. She'll go to a dress-up party in blackface and won't see the problem with it. You know? She's that one. She's quirky. She's stoking the conversational fire. She's just quirky. Nevertheless, we did so much binge listening that we began talking to each other in Kiwi accents.

Sometimes I do that too. Until a true kiwi asked us for directions on the metro we introduced him to the podcast don't know if he started listening and i can't remember what his name is but it was a nice icing on the cake to the experience anyway brock and i are big time fans there must be pretty good kiwi accents of some new zealand i thought they were in new zealand yeah but did they get away with it that's right it's not that's that it's deliberately ambiguous tim uh anyways brock and i are big time fans we live in phoenix arizona where it's hotter than haiti's june to august and we're almost able to drive out to la while you were here i'll be supporting the troops hashtag never change and we'll continue being friends on twitter instagram

etc if you could please shout out to brian ambrosius as we're working hard on getting brock's bfffl best friend forever for life, it goes on but I won't bore you to listen in thank you friends, neither of you are really sons of bitches, Brian you fucking plebeian, if you're not listening to this podcast by now, you've got some serious splaining to do to Emily and Brock

I'm not fucking happy and I will not take this for much longer happy if not unstable people who are willing to drive around extended periods speaking in different accents. They're freaky people. Your friendship is on the line here. I would not get on the wrong side of this couple.

Brian, if you think that Emily's got a friend who she's coined as quirky because she's clearly a racist, can you imagine what the friend she calls racist is capable of? Because she's got one of those. She's got a quirky friend and what she has deemed a racist friend. This is a public safety announcement for Brian Ambrosius. Start listening to the podcast

before it's too late. For the love of God. I'm glad that we could clear that up for them, to be honest. Yeah. Should I get you another one? Get you another email? I feel like we've had plenty of friendship.

There's been a lot. There's been a lot. But we get a few emails and, you know, people like hearing them. Do they? the people who write them i mean holy shit what is this i'm stumbled onto someone send us an email i don't think i should read this one out i'm gonna start reading it and we'll see how far we get i'll make it i'll make an alarm noise if i think it's becoming oh okay i think what they've done is they've got an imdb pro page and they've taken a screenshot of zach efron's actual contact information like his agent and stuff oh i that's why i like i saw a lot of phone numbers and things i was like oh this

a lot of details um i'll just start reading it it's from alice dear oh don't know if i should have said that hi tim i listened to the show and heard the pair of you mentioned recently that you'd love to meet up with Zac Efron for a grand finale of the season. I know you both shrugged it off as way out of your league, but honestly,

I think you're underestimating yourselves. I'll beat Efron and his managers with a bloody loving opportunity to do some original publicity with a popular podcast, especially since he's trying

to distance himself from that high school musical nonsense. I use IMDB Pro for my work and have pulled the relevant people's contacts off it for you guys to approach zach efron's people call up his publicist i'm not gonna give the rest of the email off uh but he says good luck hope it comes off love the show al and there we go we've got his it wasn't the name Alice? Alistair. Oh.

Which is a guy's name. Alistair. Alistair. A-L-A-S-T-A-I-R. Alistair. Have you not met an Alistair before? They're very particular about it. No, I can imagine they would be.

I've met a few Alistairs in my time. I haven't met a single Alistair. Good people. Good people. Alistair. It's so many names in a name. Gee whiz. You've got it going on.

Hey, thanks for sending us that, Al. Yeah. Really appreciate it. Capital work. And you know what? Maybe we will get in touch with him. You also kind of put out a blueprint for how to approach the people with the pitch. So thank you for that.

You did half the work for us. True that. For what? A sequel? No, for saying you could pitch it like for us true that for what a sequel uh no for saying you could pitch it like this oh i see what you're saying gotcha gotcha gotcha we've got a roadmap yeah to that not a roadmap we've got like a menu no no no no no let me rethink this we've got a uh a brochure it doesn't no. Not a blueprint per se. A bus timetable?

Like an advert for it. Like a shiny... We've got a trailer. No, no, no. You can't really use that because it's a film word. We've got a... I'm going to work on this

and we'll see you guys later. Yeah, we will. When we watch We Are Your Friends For the 11th time Well it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy Come to the friend zone

And have a good time Yes it's the friend zone With Tim and Guy Cause making friends is the best idea of all time