The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Nine

Episode Date: June 5, 2016

Guy's nickname, celebrity high school bullies, calling people 'bro' in Tim's voice; And that's just the first 3 and a half minutes! The Friendzone is the zone for friendship. It's also a space for Timbo and Guyguy to read listener mail, thank contributors and muse on the nature of NZ's potential political landscape (if you combined Lord of The Rings lore and the Flight of The Concords universer). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Welcome to the friend zone, everybody. Hi. Hi. Kia ora. Kei te pihi ako. That means, how are you?

In New Zealand's native tongue, te reo Maori. You learn something new all of the time if you want to hear Tim and myself talk about the movie We Are Your Friends you're in the wrong fucking place you went down the wrong alley friend, you took a bad turn

it's going to get a whole lot worse but if you want to hear Tim and I potentially talk about you if we've been engaging with you at all on the internet, well, this is the spot for you. This is how you do it. It's Friday night. This is how you do it.

In high school, my friends and I, I can't remember if I've said this on the podcast before, I feel like I almost definitely have as I start. We created a beer brand, or we didn't, but we thought a good idea for a beer it's called beer o'clock uh and then the ad is like all these people going in a factory going what time is it and they go beer o'clock and it goes this is how we brew it this is how we brew it and the factory was the beer making factory it was a. Boy, you boys have bright imaginations and a real head for advertising.

I've got to say, that silence was deafening. I will not be taking the idea to the shark tank. You fuck. No, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. There's got to be a beer summer in the world called Beer O'Clock, surely. I think there's a whole lot of merchandise for a beer that doesn't exist yet everyone half the marketing's already done

for you just go and brew the beer surely that's the easiest part surely thinking of the names the tricky bit here's the first bit of correspondence i want to throw at you guy and i'm not going to name who it's from because um i don't know if they want it in. Oh, they probably do. Let's read it first and then find out. Tim and Guy Guy. And once again, this isn't written in the email. I can't explain how happy I am that that nickname for you stuck around. Yeah, well, I was always campaigning for it. I'm a big fan of it. You were from the very start.

I definitely know that for a fact. And I definitely mean what I'm saying. It's so fucking stupid. for a fact uh and i definitely mean what i'm saying it's so fucking stupid because you want a nickname that's more than one syllable and so how do you get that when you just repeat the syllable displays no creativity you've just repeated my name it's not a nickname it's a goddamn crime scene it's's good. Timbo and Guy Guy. Okay, so I cannot guarantee this will be the last message I send you to, but for, but, oh, and for that, I'm sorry, but I've just realized that Emily,

whose last name you cannot pronounce from movie three, was my friend's bully in high school. She talks about it all the time. I'm guessing that's probably the victim, not the bully herself. Imagine if it was, though. Imagine if Emily would snap this big movie star. And then all of her interview features calling out this loser from her high school. Oh, man, that's awful.

The email continues. Just IMDB'd the shit out of the movie and was real shocked to learn who that actress was. Just needed to get that off my chest quick. I've been listening to too much of you two genuinely keep calling people bro in Tim's voice. Keep it up, boys. Ah. Well, that is... Do you think that person would want their name included in the sign-off? I see no reason why not.

Thank you, Gaia, for sending that in. Mother Earth. Indeed. Her very self. She went to high school. You went to high school? I guess everyone has to go to high school. Not my kids. They're homeschooled.

Little Angela and Andrew. The twins. I'm always going on about the twins. That's really interesting. But I guess that kind of makes sense. Not that she was, that Emily was necessarily a bully, but that some famous people were bullies in high school.

And of course, when they become successful, the victims will be like, oh, that is such bullshit. They used to bully me. I also don't want to take it just at face value as well, because I'm always very aware

of the fact that like, just one person comes out of the woodwork and says something shit about an A-lister and we take it as gospel. You know? Oh, absolutely. There's no place for that.

And this is going through the original source to guys. So this is like second-hand information as well. So who knows what the real story is? But it is an interesting quirk. Did you ever do any bullying or were you bullied? Nah, I kind of avoided both sides of it i think by and large i was probably a dickhead to um to a couple kids in like a episode or two but i definitely don't think i was the perpetrator of bullying i hope i wasn't someone will prove me wrong they'll send

a different podcast an email and say oh i went to school with timette and that guy bullied me he was a real piece of shit and now look at you you're still you're still bullying them I am and you what were you going to say Guy? I don't know I was just curious

because I don't I like the thing I was always a nice guy I sort of shot through I think I played both sides like you I shot through the middle but I'm similarly confident that I would have

been a dick uh in a pretty serious way at least a few times all teenagers have to be a dick sometimes it's a requisite yeah it's just interesting isn't it yeah done next dear tim and guy as usual when i become obsessed with the podcast i start to listen i start to build a i'm not good at reading today guy i'm gonna start that one from the top dear tim and guy as usual when i become obsessed with the podcast i start to build a false feeling that i'm actually friends with the host or hosts if you are you're in the friend zone so you've nailed it this time that's very true you've walked into the right alley if you are at all merciful you'll be careful not to disabuse me of this notion well we haven't we've supported you so just fucking let's drop the negativity and yeah stop your paranoia i'll tell

you what the reason that i'm sick of being friends with you is because you're so fucking needy yeah just be cool man like we want to hang out with you it's all good we're good we're cool i'll tell you what the deepest cut the hardest insult you can throw at someone in high school is calling them a try hard oh oh yeah there's no way to get out of that how does a 15 year old come back from being called a try hard there's no way there is no conceivable way which is what makes it the perfect impermeable insult uh this email goes on several months ago i discovered paul shears how did this get made podcast and decided i would listen only to the episodes whose subject was a movie i had seen or could access on netflix or hulu that turned out to be a surprisingly small number of episodes in any case during one of those podcasts she mentioned he was going to list he was going to be a guest on your podcast so i decided

to give it a listen i was immediately, and not only because you guys, brackets, a question to ponder, what are the ethics surrounding the addressing of a group of people as guys when one of them is actually named Guy? Close bracket. Actively encourage listeners

not to watch the movie you were discussing. Firstly, let's unpack that thought, Guy. The guys thing? Yeah. Oh, I reckon they nailed it. Don't call attention to it you say it's your second guessing yourself you're killing it okay it goes on so i started listening to all of your episodes in a somewhat complicated order due in part to uh iphone's podcast app that makes

it very hard to keep track of what you've already listened to and when you had started season three i went ahead and dove in even though i hadn't quite finished season two i've now caught up and i've done so by completing congrats completing last the five hour six in the city two back-to-back double feature marathon you know guys sometimes i forget we did that it's a weird thing to do I feel like I blocked it out anyway that was also that also happened to be the first time I sat with it I was interrupted

and then lost track of what point in the episode I was I had left off on anyway I put it off to listen to shorter episodes and left this one for last and I decided I should start from the beginning thanks so much for the many hours of

oh that didn't really go anywhere thanks very much for the many hours of... Oh, it didn't really go anywhere. Thanks very much for the many hours of entertainment. That's a very sweet thought. That is so funny. It's like, hey, so you did this thing and I listened to it, but I'm not going to volunteer an opinion on it because I thought it was garbage. Here's a brief explanation of the thing you did. It's like if someone gets out of a play that you were in or wrote or something

like what'd you think it's like there were a lot of characters there's lots of characters and lots going on in that play the best one is uh when you get off stage from doing a gig and stand up and someone comes up to you i had a guy come up to me and start giving me tips last night he called me brave he said how do you remember all those words he was ticking all of the terrible boxes that you can tick i have heard all those absolutely shoot someone's confidence into bits after a gig oh i tell you what it's it's bloody it's a bloody tough gig isn't it these small towns don't know how you do it it's so brave brave. You guys are so brave. I'm not supposed to be brave. I'm supposed to be fucking funny, you dick.

It's the whole point. Yeah. I was mostly trying to impress people with my bravery and ability to remember a series of words. You fuck. But we are your friend, and thanks for writing in. Yeah. No, there's more.

There's so much more. Actually, let me just- Keep going. No, no, keep going. Okay. Do it all. At some point, when I'm feeling less cash strapped God that's hard to say

Less cash strapped I shall consider it an honour To contribute financially to your endeavour In the meantime I hope that only my appreciation Is acceptable More than acceptable man We don't solicit funds that heavily I hope Just enjoy the product you have a

propaganda button on the worst idea of all time website which says support the troops so we're lobbying pretty hard for donations yeah i guess i should probably rework the wording on there i have to say i am continually impressed by your knowledge of american society culture and trivia i feel comparatively ignorant about new zealand which from my viewings of Lord of the Rings movies and the Flight of the Conchords seems like a wonderful land filled with genial, humorous people and very sensible politics. Something like Canada, only with better weather and landscapes.

That's not a bad description. No, no. If you fused Lord of the Rings and Flight of the Conchords, it does look like a reasonable political landscape. It looks like a fucking minefield. Yeah, that's true actually like something between a very autocratic uh rule from an iron fist style thing um like a like an autocratic military um what is it called what's it called when the military takes over

ruling stuff martial law it's like martial law with magic involved and i don't know when politics is touched on in flight of the concords do you uh mario works at the consulate they meet the prime minister of new zealand is he a good guy uh yeah he's just like some idiot bloke and they like create a little new zealand world or something to show him around. That's good. I am impressed, especially by guys' knowledge of trivia about American professional sports. All I know about New Zealand sports is that only blacks are allowed to play on your national team. Now, I just want to take a brief moment from the email to clear this up. Common misconception. The name of our rugby side is the all blacks anyone can play for them

if you are good enough at rugby that's true and also while we're here might as well address the even more troublesome name of our men's soccer team which is the all whites yeah uh once again not not exclusive excluded only by sporting ability what absolute maniac was in charge of approving the name for our men's football team? That is fucking bonkers. You can't go and play an international sport like soccer with a name like the All Whites. They thought no one would notice.

This was in the days before Jezebel and Vox and Reddit and everyone was just doing real racist shit in their little corner and no one found out about it. There was no consequence. I'm going to wrap this email because it's ending soon. It was a final matter. I can't tell if anyone ever got back to you on this, but the whole in Soviet Russia

newspaper reads you meme is based on the comedy of 1980s stand-up Yukov Smirnoff. Hope that helps. I'm hoping that's something we brought up in an episode, otherwise it's just a free hit from him him if you ever manage to do a comedy tour of the us i would highly recommend you check out the arlington cinema and draft house in arlington virginia because i'm too lazy to go into the city to watch shows at a larger venue all the best ananda ah that was lovely from ananda they really he really i've looked up yakov smirnoff

no that was definitely Something we talked about He looks like a real Funny guy You know it was like In Soviet Russia Cat milks man Or

Why we milk your cats No that was That was just like An example joke That wasn't one of the Actual jokes we said Is that one you thought of I just made it up then

Because if we like De deconstruct by the same formatic rules as the main works you're suggesting that normal in normal times in normal countries like america and new zealand we're just rolling around milking cats all the time that that joke was set in the world of meet the parents where robert de niro tells ben silly you can milk anything with nipples gotcha gotcha um ananda boy's name girl's name what do you think uh why have you got to put why have you got to put labels on everything tim ah you got me there i guess i guess i i think it's it's uh it goes both ways very good much like the friend zone which is ending right now um that email soaked up all of our gosh darn time thank you so much for getting in touch nanda and let me say um look if you want

to give us a few dollars you can there is the ability for you to do so at worst idea of all time.com um and we've got some merchandise on there but it's all like season one stuff i'm i'm i should get i'll make that my mission for the next little while I'll try and get some artists to make some things to put in the shop it's a good idea speaking of artists as part of the friends I'd like to give a quick shout out to

Strayan Cole I believe his name is and he's got his handle on Instagram is hiphiker he's been doing very funny little animations for each episode of this, the third and final season of The Worst Theory of All Time. Wait, what?

He does cool design. I didn't know that. He's the one who made that one of you saying, this is the Citizen Kane of our generation. I didn't know he's doing other stuff like Pooh episode, though. Well, there you go. And oh, fuck i've the tweets now buried too deep but who was the guy someone someone asked at a corporate of a fan art as well so thanks to anyone who ever does that we love that stuff i'll get your name for next time what are you trying to all right what are you trying to look for wait wait wait

what kind of what fan art are you looking for? Is it the one with... Us in Auckland, photoshopped onto Muscley Dude's bodies. Oh, yeah. In front of a pool. We'll get that night. We'll get that for next time. Anyway, hey, I was rapping to a larger point guy

in the middle of that about the money stuff, which is that, like, don't feel obligated to do anything except enjoy the podcast. If you want to help us out, tell someone who you think might be into it that would help you know yeah that's true actually tell a friend and if they don't want to listen to it dump them from your friend group and bully them and then become a celebrity so that one day they'll see you on the silver screen and they'll say i used to be

really good friends with them and then they've recommended me a podcast and i just didn't want to listen to a lot going on in my life at the time the conceit didn't really appeal to me and then they just started bullying me like super hardcore and now they're really famous that's literally all we ask for from you you schlubs we're out here on the front line every wake we love you all we're out of here see you next time bye guys we are your friends