The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Nineteen

Episode Date: September 3, 2016

SPONSORED BY OMNYSTUDIO.COMGuy and Tim are still apart but the Friendzone is a big enough zone to ignore that physical limitation. This zone's got celeb friends, conspiratorial friends, 80s pop music friends. The lads discuss how you should probably approach the drinking games. Pokemon Go gets some time on the zone. Guybo gets his geography corrected and Timbly appreciates funding for snacks in the asylum this year of WAYF will surely send him to. Plus, we're getting back over to the /r/TWIOAT sub on Reddit! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. What a disaster Welcome to another friendzone where your two friends are apart That's right, but that doesn't stop the friendship from remaining strong It just means that sometimes we talk over each other when we don't mean to But friends accommodate these little problems They sure do

Welcome to the friend zone, Guy. How are you doing? Really good, thanks, Spindly Timbly. How are you? I'm pretty good. I'm a bit tired. It's coming up to 1.30 a.m. in New Zealand time. Oh, yeah.

It's a time when you start having weird thoughts, isn't it? As is my want. I've stayed up until the wee small hours to have a chat to you, to accommodate your timely whims You are such a generous soul And before we continue, I'd just like to say to anyone listening to this In the hopes that Tim and I will discuss the movie Where Are Your Friends Get lost, idiot

There's no way to talk to a friend, I know But sometimes I lash out This is not for that. This is a discussion of friendship. This is a discussion for where people reach out to us to say how they feel, and we get to respond telling them how we feel. That's right.

If you're looking for that, you need to look elsewhere, i.e. either side of this podcast entry, depending on what time it is that you're listening to this if you're listening to this at a time where there isn't a episode that's come out after it then you just need to go to the one before it and that would be episode number 15 which is our 15th watch i digress um i would like to first of all say thank you very much to this episode sponsor which is omni omni studio.com is how you find them that is o-m-n-y and they are the place that hosts the podcast if you're interested in podcasting if you're a

current podcaster who's already got a show uh hosted by someone else i would highly recommend that you check out omni they're bloody grouse um they're a company that got a big time established with like radio stations, working with radio stations, and that's kind of how they built and tested their technology. And they decided a couple of years ago to really fucking get involved in the podcasting racket. And they've done a great job of that. And they've just been bringing out a new tool recently as part of their arsenal which unlike anyone else will give you the ability to get some some stats from itunes because apple famously don't part with any of their stats about listening habits so it makes it a bit frustrating as a podcaster to try and figure out but somehow omni have

figured out some coding black magic to dig in there, and they've done it ahead of anyone else in the podcasting game. So go to OmniStudio.com and fucking get involved because they're good. They're who we're hosted by, and they're bloody good. They've got a very good player. Moving on, Guy. Yes. Moving right along.

I couldn't agree more We weren't always with Omni We are now It makes life that much better Tim I've got a letter I would like to read To you and yours Please

In the words of Jay-Z Hit me This comes from Friend of the podcast Who was part of The worst Script read of all time Michael

McMillan Or as you insist on calling him, Mikey McMillian. Yeah, my boy. I love him. It begins, Guy, please read this on air. Great. Dear Timbly Wimbledon and Ninja Guy Dane,

a couple of nights ago, I was enjoying a baseball match down at my local pub. In parenthesis, I live in Hollywood. The sound of the game was turned off, but the pub's satellite radio station was given rain to rule over the soundtrack of multiple TV screens, all displaying various sports across the establishment, much like the way Patty Schwartz once ruled over who and who could not dive off the cliff of a certain rock quarry diving pool. You know what I mean. Regardless, a song struck up just as my Kansas City

Royals were clinching their third win against the Minnesota Twins. Go Royals! Our latest mascot is the reincarnation of a praying mantis. This is a true story. When what do my wondering ears should hear? An angelic voice that I immediately recognized as the pristine, treble vocal stylings of one Tim

Bett. The song was West End Girls by the supremely esteemed Pet Shop Boys. I was shocked. Surely that is the gentle voice of Tim. It also surely it was the Pet Shop Boys who were popular to gays when my older sister by five and a half years was still but a tween during the mid to late 80s. Upon further googling I looked at a few videos and photos of the Pet Shop Boys and the resemblance between them and you Guy and and Tim, is to say the least, interruptive. My question is this, can you prove you are not the Pet Shop Boys? Follow-up points. Before you answer, please keep in mind that certain sciences regarding time travel and parallel universes have not yet been proven slash disproven. So you saying we were born slash they

are English by heritage and we are new zealander does not apply listen to this song watch the west end girls video tell me that's not tim even if it is you guy lip-syncing to tim's voice as tim stands in the background contributing nothing love you guys love your work you'll always have a place in my heart in my home i'm the charlotte to every decision the two of you ever will make. Michael McMillan. P.S. Sorry about that explosive welt. P.P.S. I'll wrap that shot up and tend that funky business because we are friends. And then he has corrected the spelling of the word shot to shit.

Okay. And then he's also corrected his spelling of Timbet to Timbat. Okay. I thought that was just a dig at the Kiwi accent, but that's good to know. That was a genuine error. Mike, we love you, bro, and that's why what I'm about to say

you need to listen to very carefully. You are in over your fucking head, and you need to let this go, and you need to not talk about it or think about it anymore. Thanks for getting in touch. I've got a message here from Bev. Bev says, hey guys, I love your guys' podcast.

Someone posted about you on Reddit and I've been in love with my two Kiwi friends ever since. I binge listen to both the first and second season pretty much all day and during every activity. I'm sad that you guys are ending the show after this season, but then again, you both said the same thing after the first and second season, so I'm hanging on to a little bit of hope that you guys will continue for a fourth. My favorite part of the podcast was in season two

when you had Paul Scheer on and you both tried explaining who Brady and Dick Bott was. Absolutely hilarious. I laughed for 30 minutes. It's a long time to laugh. That is a long time for laughter. with much love from california zane oh that's weird feel free to use both my uh first and last name zane austell um ps ignore the shit at the bottom that was my mom's old phone and i don't know how to get rid of your email signature well to both bev and zane i say thank you for the communique

your mom's old email signature on your email that doesn't make any sense so it looks like he's inherited a phone and he's not that tech literate oh there's also a second email from zane saying i also still haven't watched any of the movies but when my buddy turns 20 this year i'm buying a couple 12s and we're going to play both the grown-ups 2 and sex and the city 2 drinking games in a single night um bev slash zane uh just yeah go safe on that eh i feel it's incumbent on us to just remind people to you know keep it safe we don't want any blood on our hands yeah play one of the games and then maybe play another one of the games on a different event but if you play both back to back uh that is a a coffin of your own making my friend yeah and on the subject of drinking games i'm not a subscriber to this

theory that you know rules are fun and rules are there designed to push the boat out and test your limits a little bit but fucking if you're just feeling ill and you're really just in a bad way just stop you know drink responsibly absolutely uh i got another one for you timbly this comes from dana and they don't say whether or not we can use the last name so we shall not uh timbo and guy guy i've been listening to a lot of worse idea while chasing after pokemon the last couple of we shall not uh timbo and guy guy i've been listening to a lot of worst idea while chasing after pokemon the last couple of weeks which inspired me to name a few monsters after some of my favorites from the worst idea of all time universe love you guys keep fighting the good fight i've got a screenshot here yeah is it brady is it eradicate there is oh it's so much

more than that there is a brady who's eradicate thereate. There's also Gyarados as Paddy Schwartz. Oh, that's good. Tangela as Dadhead. Geodude as Steve Austin. Snorlax as Mr. Big. Wait a minute. Who's Steve Austin? Is it Steve?

Stone Cold, Steve Austin. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Of course. Sorry. Just had a little mental lapse there, folks. That's okay. Squirrel is Eevee, and Zocoli is Vaporeon. Is that the evolved Eevee? Yeah, that's the water version of the evolved Eevee, yeah.

Jarhead is Magma. Dickbot is that little electric guy. Magnemite i think yeah uh coffee guy is the unevolved version of wheezing or wheezy coughing i'm surprised by your knowledge of pokemon actually guy you're doing well i figured you had the names there good on you uh and brayden Brayden is the evolved version of Slowpoke. Oh, Slowbro. Slowbro, of course. And Samantha is that freaky lady who wears a red dress and has blonde hair, yeah. Yeah. That's awesome.

That's really sweet. What a great combo. Us in your ears and Pokemon Go in your hand, eh? Bloody... You've got to love it. What a lovely day out. i was doing a bit of that i've really fallen off with um pokemon go but that first week i was giving it a good nudge and i was just going out listening to podcasts and walking around um the beautiful little parks and stuff that we've got around auckland did you make any friends i did meet a couple of people

yeah playing it it was cool when it when it first came out, it was so social, eh? It really was. And it's a shame that because of the game mechanics, it sort of lends itself to, it was a very it game. Like it burned out real quick. And I think, certainly people are still playing it now, but that first couple of weeks when it launched were really, what a time to be alive, eh?

Yeah, it was madness. Logan gave us some money, and Logan attached a message to that. Logan's last name is Penekit. Probably saying that wrong. Nah, it's probably close to how you say it. His messages, love the podcast. I wish NZ had more outlets for talented comedians like yourselves

keep up the good work that's really sweet thanks man and logan i will say as well that um old timberly spindly wimbly has started a podcast network which you can visit at little empire podcast.com which i remind people of at the start of all of these podcasts and there's some other good shows on there in particular i will I will recommend Nick and Joe's podcast because it's another movie one called Walkout Boys where they go and see the latest blockbuster film of the week

but they're only ever allowed to see the first half of it and their phone goes off at the midway point when they've seen 50% of the duration and they have to leave and then they give a review of the first half and they guess at what happens in the second.

It is, even by our own standards, the most ridiculous and pointless concept for a podcast I've ever heard. Do you know how that came about? Did I tell you how that happened? Yeah, I know exactly how it came about. I won't share it again then because this is just you and me having a conversation.

No one can hear us. Here's another message and this is the one that had the the subject guy has no knowledge of basic geography and this is from alex and the friends hey come at me alex and the friend zone guy said that holland and the netherlands are used interchangeably and are the same in fact holland is a region of the netherlands holland equals netherlands equals south island of New Zealand equals New Zealand. Oh, man, that's hard to say out loud.

He's included a video for reference in a link, a little YouTube video there, which the title appears to be the difference between Holland and the Netherlands. Thanks for keeping us honest, Alex. Good on you. I, yeah, I don't know, Alex. I don't know what you're talking about i've googled the word holland as an immediate response yeah holland.com says welcome to holland.com the official website of the netherlands board of tourism that's certainly a point in your corner well i know it's north and

south holland and orange shown together within the netherlands you know, it's North and South Holland and Orange shone together within the Netherlands. You know what? I think there's enough global... I'll take it on the chin. Yeah, there's enough global ambiguity that, well, Alex, you're absolutely correct, and you're very correct to correct people who are incorrect. Guy, I don't think it's a huge deal that you didn't know that.

I certainly didn't know that. In fact, from memory, that was the episode where I said Amsterdam is the same as the Netherlands because I was getting confused in my own head. But anyway, onward is the march. Jamie Owens gave us some money for which we're eternally grateful. Thank you, Jamie.

And he said, Spindly, Timbly, Wimbly, and Guy Guy, just wanted to say thanks for all the podcasting gold you've provided over the last couple of years. It's actually inspired me and a couple of friends to start our own podcast titled get your hands off my dog cast is it about them walking up to people's dogs and touching them i'm not sure because there is some punctuation which suggests this message was supposed to go on. There's a comma, but it doesn't go on. It just ends.

I like that. Yeah. It's very efficient. I've got one more, Tim. Hey, listen, I'm just going to say I Googled it, and get your hands off my dog cast. It appears to be three enterprising lads explore the world of dog-based cinema. So I'm sensing a lot of earbud movies and films of that ilk.

Homeward Bound. That's a goodie. Milo and Otis. Yeah, it's a fun podcast. 101 Dalmatians, surely. Both animated and live action. There's a lot to dig into there. Bloody good format, boys.

Well done. Michael Bergen, whose name I've read in its entirety. Hey, Tim and Guy, I've been driving a lot for work this summer and I've been catching up on your guys' podcast ever since I saw a recommendation on Reddit. I wanted to say thanks for making the drives entertaining. I've caught up to season two and think you guys do a brilliant job

making terrible movies worthwhile to view. Thanks all the way from Canada. And then there's an addendum. Sex in the city tour is awful. Your perseverance, admirable. What a sweet guy. Thanks, mate. Oh yeah, baby. Hey, while I read this next one,

guy, you can just tune out for a little bit, because I want you to go to the subreddit, which is you go reddit.com slash r slash t-w-i-o-a-t and find the one about your cyst. And just have a little quick pre-read and I'm going to read out a couple more messages

and then you're going to dig into that, okay? Here we go. Dustin gave us some money on PayPal through our website, worstideaofalltime.com. Thank you, Dustin. Dustin writes, Timbot and Monty the Guy King.

Thank you guys for all the laughs. You had me at prawn salad. I also can't drive a blaze pizza with chuckling. Hmm. I thought I misread that, but I haven't. That is verbatim what he's written there. On a serious note, I'm sure you are aware

that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Because if this... This guy needs a spell checker. Because if if this it worries me when you say things like i was really hoping something different would happen this watch so please either accept this donation for one of two reasons one justification for doing what you're doing or two for future therapy sessions ps i'm on episode 33 of season 2 so you may have already gone or one flew over the cuckoo's nest

if that's the case please use this money for snacks from the asylum spending machine thank you very much Dustin Mark Walt that's a beautiful send off and thank you for the money man appreciate that

absolutely okay so Tim I've gone onto the subreddit under your instruction yeah It's a beautiful send-off, and thank you for the money, man. Appreciate that. Absolutely. Okay, so Tim, I've gone onto the subreddit under your instruction. Yeah. Do you see the thread I'm talking about? Yeah, so the opening comment of the thread is, I was fine with the heading as Guy's cyst story, which was a story I told on the Friendzone last week. I was fine with the story until Guy uttered the phrase

chambers of pus. Holy hell, that almost brought up my lunch. Hope you're feeling better now, Gyrenosaurus Rex. Yeah, and then do you want me to read into what everyone else said? Yeah, you can, yeah,

just chuck some out. Cherry pricks and bitter ones. I fucking love this story I was stuck in the worst traffic and I was so happy to be there outrageously late for work hearing about a guy's adventure a real treat man that normally would have floored me but I'm still reeling from a horrible horrible Chuck Palanchuk story someone linked me to

a few days ago I thought I was practically invulnerable to guys talent for graphic descriptions as a side effect I guess I hope his condition has improved feel better monty uh um uh yeah look the everyone will be pleased to hear that the it's i've pretty much made a full recovery i've just got a little scar on my back now i've been told i still need to get it cut out the original offending benign cyst or abscess uh when i get back to new zealand but as it stands we're sort of in a healthy holding pattern you could say so I do

apologise to those of you who are eating during the friendzone but I had to tell someone That's great On that note actually I've got an email here from Daniel who says Dear Spinley, Timbly, Wimbly and Dutch Doctor Disgustor Montgomery Greetings from London, England on that note actually I've got an email here from Daniel who says dear spinly timbly wimbly and dutch doctor disgust or montgomery greetings from london england I'm emailing as I thought you would

find this interesting considering you have over 35 watches of this film left and are probably looking at different ways of consuming this quote art house piece I ended up watching the film one night and didn't realize an app I used to cut out the blue light had started on my Mac. It turned off and almost blinded myself by turning it off halfway. Whatever that means. I turned it back on as it felt like this contributed to the aim of Maximum Joseph trying to make an arty film. The film is still my bendingly crap, but does make the film a darker watch.

Good luck with the rest of the series, Dan. So Dan's got one of those, you've got one of those on your computer as well, eh, guy? Those apps that are supposed to make the screen a bit more palatable at night time so it doesn't kind of wire you up. I've got it on my phone.

Is your one F-Lux f lux nah the phone that's right apple fucking baked it into there here's the thing with that they bloody banned the app i think i might have that bit wrong actually on the um apple store on the app store and then baked the feature into the os it's pretty fucked up but you can get it for android and it's good and you can get it for windows and it's good um not the point of what that email was sorry dan uh but it is fun to play with colors isn't it it's always fun to play with colors it's very fun it's uh it's it's damn it feels good to be a gangster hey i've got one more message for you, guy. Yeah, man. And then should we put a pin in it? Absolutely. Which Tim am I now, eh?

You decide. You are still Tim Batt doing a Tim Heidecker. There you go. Tom Noiseling, who's actually a guy from Auckland, New Zealand, who I've worked with. He's a good guy. Tom, actually, quickly before we get to his message, Tom helped me make a sort of comedy short

called Guess Who's Coming to Dinner Me. Oh, did he help with that? Yeah, he shot it. He was one of the cameras. He's bloody good, eh? He's an onto it cat. He's real good. If you get the opportunity to work with Tom Noisling,

try and spell his last name just as a feat of mental prowess and then agree. Shake anyone's hand who needs to do that. He gave us some money under the name battle soup uh which is awesome he said looks like the message cuts off so here's the whole thing so here it is so my two favorite fuck boys tim and guy this doesn't seem to come even close to the amount of money i should be throwing your way for all the hours of listening pleasure living in auckland i've been lucky enough to meet you two in person and you are both just lovely peeps who your parents and or legal guardians should be proud of my podcast collection

started with you guys and now i listen to a growing number regularly so thanks for improving my life while you two slowly lose your minds whatever the future holds i'm sure you'll do well because there's something magical about this really fucked up idea and following in the following you've gathered brackets it really is a laugh explaining to people if the subject ever comes up love from tom and also from my lovely girlfriend tegan um what's going on backstage with you guys i just heard either your mom or your sister just uh people people coming to visit my sister you needn't worry about them tim all is all is under control here in lambourne very good

the whole the whole village is over here should i leave you to it then guy you should i actually feel bad for that because this very enthusiastic i'm i've i'm the new boy in town you know and this very enthusiastic punter who's come here to see alice uh walked through the door with a big excitable hello and then my mum shushed her and then the lady became very embarrassed oh no, oh look that's awful look go and correct that, let's end this you go and fix that social phobe I will

it's good to hear your voice and thank you so much to everyone who shot us messages or is on the subreddit or in particular is giving us money you don't have to give us money, obviously but you know, it's certainly us money you don't have to give us money obviously but you know uh it's certainly a good thing what i've done guys actually um the studio looks a little different since when you left not hugely but i've bought a new digital desk which is going to make our

escapades um a little bit easier it sound a little bit better hopefully put a little oh look a pike stuff up huh digital style yeah uh doing digital dancing hey this is fun that's what i was getting into but don't make me i'm scared drop the title of that um video so people can find it online that could be the don't hug don't hug me i'm scared if you haven't seen it look it up on youtube there are six episodes it is some of the weirdest most fun you can have on the internet. What a great note to end on. Guy, hopefully I'll see you in the not too distant, but I'll probably talk to you online before then.

All the very best. Thank you so much to all of our friends. I love all of you. I love all of our friends. See you later. Bye. Bye. Well, it's the friend zone.

Tim and Guy come to the friend zone. And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with tim and guy cause making friends is the best idea of all time