The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Ninety Three

Episode Date: February 5, 2020

The frosty fellaz got themselves a camera and are testing out a new way to bring you into the zone: Crispy video. (Video available to all Patreon supporters).Enjoy garage chat, damp banter, electric facts and sub-par Dr Phil impressions. We also hear from our beautiful friends - friends with Ph.Ds, friends who are doing better than they were, and friends with the middle name Jelf. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello, and welcome to the friend zone. Yeah, this is actually where friendship happens in Auckland, New Zealand, on a couch in Tim's garage in Grayland. We've moved slightly. If it sounds a bit weird, everyone, it's because we're trying a new technical feat, the future of Worst Idea Enterprises, hopefully, maybe. We are attempting to video record this.

So if you're seeing us, hello. And if you're not, I'm so sorry that I lost the files. Oh, no, it's okay. Not everyone will be seeing this. Correct. This is only for Patreon pals. We like to fuck with them because they like to fuck with us first. Yeah, and so accordingly, everyone who's just listening to this,

I mean, you've probably got a pretty good idea of what it looks like. It's just two friends sitting next to each other side by side. On a couch. In front of a grill garage door. uh i'm wearing a cool hat yeah tim's wearing a grown-ups to visor i'm i got from brett thanks you can see my legs and it's um it's sweltering it's 28 degrees here in auckland it's actually quite nice and cool in the garage yeah it's it's good, eh? Could you live down here? I'd sooner not. I did live in a garage for a year,

and this garage has the same smell. Yeah. It's damp concrete, eh? That is the thing. And when you're young, I don't know if it's... It probably has the same impact, but I didn't account for the dampness. I was just like,

well, it means my rent's half as cheap. Yeah. I'll get in the garage. The trouble with that is, well, it means my rent's half as cheap. Yeah. I'll get in the garage. The trouble with that is I think it's fine. You can tolerate it. It's contained. Often when you're younger as well, you can be like, well, I'm going to spend most of my time out anyway.

Limited amount. I'll come back to sleep. It's sweet as is where I store my stuff. The issue becomes when your clothes start to smell of damp, which is something I experienced big time. I had a flat in Thorndon in Wellington, traditionally a very expensive area, and me and my mate found a place that was affordable,

and then after we moved in, we found out why. And it was because not a lick of sunlight had it at any point in the day, and there was no airflow going through, so it was just this kind of dank swamp situation wellington is incredibly damp for any any areas of wellington which are many that don't get sunlight it is like it's a mold molds paradise it really yeah yeah we need to reverse the paradigm i think we keep thinking of it that it's a bad place for humans but maybe it's just a wicked place for mold and we should celebrate that i like that i why didn't you why does new zealand deal so poorly with uh insulating our homes from mold like why is it such a damp as i was always explained to

it was because you know the brits came here and colonized, and they were like, the South Pacific, beautiful. Summer all year round. Summer all the time. High 20s every single day of the calendar year. So all of them arrived in summer in a specific week where it was good, and they were like, well, we'll build our homes accordingly. Yes, and we will ignore the fact that we're in the southern hemisphere, and they'll all face the wrong way from the sun, and we'll use the wrong materials. face the wrong way from the sun and we'll use the wrong materials but everyone now lives in a rented villa that costs 1.5 million dollars correct and someone owns them all and we haven't

found out who it is yet but when we figure it out boy are we going to be furious they'll hear a word or two about it they certainly will um so obviously we've got correspondence dating all the way back to 2019 obviously even though we are now in the second month of 2020 and so without further ado i might launch into some of that is it a do or a jew and what does it mean it's a do i believe a d i e u it's french i e okay without further ado or maybe there's a goodbye. Adieu. Adieu. To you.

And you. And you. That sound of music. The goodbye was au revoir. Is it like another way? I'm now concerned. I'll bid you adieu. There are two adieus. Adieu from Middle English.

Also, adieu, adieu, adieu. Pronounced the same but spelled differently. Usage notes. A farewell. a goodbye. Particularly, I don't know, I guess without further ado, without further goodbye? That can't be right. It must be another version of it.

Without. You know what's funny is that I've interrupted you saying without further ado with a whole lot more ado. Yeah, yeah, you have. Tons. Oh. Is it without further ado with a whole lot more do. Yeah, yeah, you have. Tons. Oh. Is it without further ado? Yeah, maybe.

Oh, it is. Like much ado about nothing? Yeah, without further ado is an egg corn, which is a misheard phrase, saying, lyric, or slogan. An egg corn? I've never heard of egg corn before. What a great feature language. So adieu is a French word that means goodbye.

Presumably someone using the phrase without further adieu is stating he would like to end a presentation or conversation without excessive goodbyes. But without further ado, at the opening of a conversation would suggest without further pause. Amazing. And now we know. So first bit of correspondence comes to us from who, Monty? Jacob. Hey, Jacob. Hi there, Guy's Mont and Tim's Bat.

It looks like Dr. Phil has some important things to say about the devil's lettuce. Can I request a roleplay wherein Monty is Dr. Phil and Tim is the expert refuting his claims? And there's a screen cap here of what Dr. Phil says. I'm going to block you from it so that I can spring my opinion on you and you can defend it. Okay. Well, weed is like when you smoke marijuana, it's like opening your computer up and pouring water inside.

Even occasional cannabis consumers will see a multi-point drop in IQ If you've got an expensive computer Why would you pour water All over the keyboard You know what I love about this Is that Dr. Phil knows nothing about Marijuana or computers Well I do know

And please address me when you're talking I'm so sorry Dr. Phil who isn't legally Lic licensed to practice medicine in the United States. You don't need a license to know that weed is bad for you. What clinical trial could you honestly be quoting? Last night, my wife, Deborah, poured water on my computer, and now I can't use it. And now we can't smoke weed, huh?

Well, ideally, yes. Yeah. Ideally, yeah. Whose voice is this? I don't know. It's not the doctor's. Well, it's close. It's his cousin.

It's Dr. Bill. How on you? I've got sentences you go back to. How on you to get excited about your life? That's your tune-in to get to Dr. Phil. I mean, look, here's the thing if you pour a glass of water onto any piece of electrical equipment while it's got a current running through it yeah it's gonna fuck it for sure pour it on your keyboard computer's probably

gonna be fine we'll just fuck your keyboard on a laptop uh well it's all unibody so it will fuck it but on a desktop here's a fun bit of trivia sort of for people is that if you just disconnect all the power going to something you can like put it in the way don't put in the dishwasher because it's got that powder but you can at a gig right so at music festivals you might see text with big audio desks and they would connect everything and and make sure it discharges so they'll wait like a minute or something so the capacitors can dissipate all their charge. And then they'll just power wash it with a water hose.

Oh, wow. So as long as you completely dry it out before any current runs through it, it's totally fine to get stuff wet. I didn't know that. The problem with a laptop is that it's got a well, nowadays, you've got a battery you can't remove. Same with a phone. Same with a phone. But if you've got a piece of electrical equipment where you can just remove the electric...

The batteries. Yeah. What about a Nintendo Game Boy? Yes. So if you take a... You could rinse a Nintendo Game Boy. Totally. You've just got to make sure you completely dry it out before you turn it back on.

Yeah. I like that. I don't play Nintendo Game Boy anymore And I guess the other ones now None of them use AA batteries like they used to Nah Because you just plug and charge everything I'm trying to remember what a DS has

I think you can take the battery out Anywho Smoke weed every day Don't throw water down your laptop Thank you Jacob Thanks Jacob And now from June The the month, not the person. Oh, wow.

Dear Tim Tam Flim Flam Bim Bam and Moi Montgomery. Now, stop me if I've read this one before. I'll tell you, I've heard that sentence before. Yeah, yeah, definitely I've heard that intro. As a result of your, what, open door policy on smoking weed every day. I was going to say the two things may be connected as to whether or not i can remember this hey guy i'm unsure if this will ever get read as you guys just wrapped up the final watch of sex in the city but i figured i'd

give you guys a shout anyway i found out uh fairly recently i've been listening to till death to us but for some reason hesitated to pull the trigger on Worst Idea, which was a mistake because it means I came right out around the end of it. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed every moment of my listening experience and even got to see you guys live in Los Angeles tonight. Oh, wow. What a night that was. We were at the Dynasty Typewriter with Paul F. Tompkins. Yeah. I remember it now. It was great. I brought my brother, who has never and will never listen to the show. Mad respect to your brother. He had a blast.

Oh, nice. On stage, you guys were musing about whether or not the Mexico hotel scenes of Sex and the City were actually filmed in Mexico. You were correct in doubting this. They were actually filmed in a mansion in Malibu. Oh, wow. In California. I guessed that bit. I know this because my father, who is an architect, designed this mansion for a close friend of his.

I actually have been in the house, including the rooms that were used in the movie. I guess the story is that Mattress Pikelet pikelet spelling was actually a good friend of the guy my dad designed the house for had been in the house and desperately wanted to use it in the movie i don't think being the architect of a house used in a big budget movie made my dad any money but it is kind of a cool thing to brag about this is a piece of trivia about my family that i never thought would be interesting or relevant to anyone but maybe you guys will appreciate it happy for you guys that you're finally free i hope for your sake you guys listen to paul f tompkins and never do this again say my name even if it isn't legally because i'm

trans felix carson fuck i love say my name even if it isn't it's very good. That is exactly how I like people to sign off. That is an interesting piece of trivia. Felix, I love how connected you are to the... You're really connected to the film. I don't think that Michael Patrick King would necessarily know or make... How dare you say those words on this podcast? The decision... Matris Pikelet.

Oh, what did I say? Absolute sacrilege. I said the wrong name. You did. All that to say, I feel like it further consolidates the idea that the actors in Sex and the City were not friends. Which they've all gone on the record essentially saying since they've wrapped. How's that connected to this house thing? Because if you're not friends, if it's an exciting job, it makes sense.

And no one's got other stuff on it makes sense that you travel to Mexico and maybe enjoy some down time around shooting and it's like oh well you can leave you know you go away

for a week or two but yeah their contract was like I will go as far as Malibu for this location based film yeah exactly

but then I guess they went to Morocco they did to go to the United Arab Emirates. Well, thank you for that. I think that's just Mattress Pike being good with budgets. He fooled me.

I don't think that he's the man who's signing off the budgets. I feel like all of this is beneath him. He is executive decision-making, but he's not presenting a number of options to himself. There are underlings across the board who do such dirty work. I'd like to say we did, I suppose we did and we have listened to Paul F. Tompkins and now in turn Felix's advice

of not doing it again, but it would be remiss of us not to mention the conclusion of our Cats miniseries. Yes. Which now we've had some time between experiencing and releasing, I look back on fondly. I thought it was a great little experiment.

Yeah, it was fun. And we've gotten a little bit of feedback, but always very keen to know what you guys think of these things because we're open here. Yeah, we're living together now in the same city. We don't actually live together. You're telling me now that you're homeless for some reason

you know how I said I've been living in I've lived in a garage for a year it was this garage I was never in New York that's crazy you were never in New York

I was never in New York just waiting for the pitter patter of little feet to leave the house that's right counting them and then you'd come out where were you showering

I was is that why the water pipe broke over there 100% you'd siphoned off a little shower situation totally very cool there's an ample space for a lithe young man uh but yeah so thanks to everyone who uh tuned in to the cats miniseries thank you to everyone who subscribed to the

patreon to get the early release and watch some of the videos of us yes i don't know if you saw this i actually posted some pretty uh what turned out to be more explicit content than i thought on my instagram story uh as i said in the mini series i was doing some performances around the house for chelsea yeah and one of them involved a nude rendition of jellicle cats the first song yes and i was sort of she was in the bedroom and i was like leaning around the door doing i've seen this, but you do need to explain it. Yeah, and so I was sort of like, are you blind when you're born? And I'd look through and then I'd sort of... It was very theatrical, quite well done.

And then I'd go... It would have been tastefully shot had you not darted. So here's the thing. I thought... Naked. I'd accounted for it and I was like, I don't want my penis to be on display. And so I'll do a very quick leap. But I leaped with my, the legs were around the wrong way.

I see. So I was leaping from left to right. And I leaped with my right leg first, which meant that my penis was exposed. Well, my left leg troweled. If I'd leaped with the left leg, then that would have obscured the penis. Did this make its way online? I posted it on my Instagram stories knowingly?

no and then I got a message saying if you pause it you can't really you just you don't actually see it in any explicit detail it's just like

oh there it is yeah anyway lasted 24 hours so thanks no one reported it great hey good on you

Instagram people on Monty's account but yeah thank you thank just thank you to everyone who listened thanks to everyone who saw guy montgomery's penis thanks everyone who saw my penis thanks everyone for not reporting it um it was and it was i'd like to say as uh one of the people who was a part of actually experiencing it it was it was i genuinely had quite a good time it was really nice going to the cinema to watch a movie every day having a different audience around you eventually it became bad of course but um the experience if you remove the film the experience was nice a lot of

quality time it's a lot of quality time and the good thing about being in a cinema is you just you have to exit the real world you have to yeah so you could just totally switch off it's true for um how long was it an hour 40 every day day? Yeah an hour 45 I think Which was fucking 51 with credits Nice But unsustainable How much time have we spent as friends And how much time have we spent as colleagues

Since I've been back? What's the split? Oh since you've been back 80-20 Work to friends I think In life? Definitely more than half as colleagues I'd say 70-30

When I would like to When someone mentions my name Do you think Definitely more than half as colleague. I'd say 70-30. When I would like to... When someone mentions my name, do you think, oh, that's my friend Guy? I think that's my friend Guy. Quantity does not equal quality, you see. I love that and I love you. This correspondence comes from the very end of 2019 from Kelly, who writes,

Hi boys, what does taking the piss even mean I know it's bad I know I don't want to take the piss but what is that even saying making a fool of oneself I've been watching a lot of Love Island lately both UK and Australian versions and they seem to say it constantly for many different reasons is it the same across the Commonwealth please help from a humble American listener taking the piss originates back to the man who um first came from the british colonies and set foot on new zealand captain james cook they spent a long time on a ship they ran out of drinkable water they knew they couldn't drink seawater so they had to share their urine as a last line of defense to avoid dehydration

and so um when you tell someone that you're taking the piss do you know what's happening here you're uh it sounds like giving you a genuine uh definition but what he's actually doing is brilliantly illuminating what taking the piss is, which is essentially joking, making fun, taking the mickey, is another Commonwealth sort of pejorative term. To take the piss is like, oh, you're absolutely taking the piss, means that you're taking... No, that's a corn swazzle or whatever. Guys put you wrong.

My one's the right one. You're taking the piss out of me, which means you're making fun of me. So if he loves to take the piss, it means he likes to joke and kid around um do you like is that weird again corn oh i know people can hear my dog going nuts by the way but i can he's doing it corn wall god damn we should actually really remember that yeah it's bloody good uh do we need to address any more of that? I feel like we've shown. I think we've done a good job.

Thank you very much for that, Kelly. I hope that we've answered your question. We showed and told. Dear Tim Batsonar. Egg corn. Thank you. Egg corn, everyone. Dear Tim Batsonar and Guy Montblanc, greetings from Belgium.

I just wanted to send you boys an email to say that I caught up with your podcast. I listened to all four seasons in a couple of months. I did send you guys a mail a few weeks ago, but I didn't hear it on the friend zones. I'd like to point out this was also sent in June of last year. It was the one about churros and guys' cysts. I remember that. I probably get that you guys receive tons of mail. So just wanted to say no hard feelings. I put a link to a video in this mail,

which I think is relevant to my previous mail. Say my name and try to pronounce it correctly. Jani van Voren. I like that. Cosign? Jani van Voren. Close. Are we going to watch

A YouTube video? I just want to It says this video is private I can't see it What a fantastic mystery Jörn Just quickly on the side of that Thank you for that correspondence

I've got a Message from Sterling Who found a Really great Sex in the City White t-shirt With a sort of Print of the gals laughing, which was on special at Target in Utah, Salt Lake City.

I've just asked if they bought it. I don't know yet. So if you are in Utah, Salt Lake City. Is that a reply right there? They just replied. It's small, and Sterling is a large. How crazy is real-time communication to Salt Lake City? Yeah.

The world is a crazy place. It sure is. What else have we got here, Monty? Now this one I had... So the ones I read I mark as read and the ones that I haven't unread you can infer. The system technically should work.

I see no reason why that doesn't function. Here's an email that says it's read but I don't know if it is because it's from July now so we're moving up in the calendar. Hey Tim and Guy, sorry off the bat

for the long message. It's been a long time since I've written into the friend zone and a lot has changed. I was listening to the podcast about a year and a half ago when the first message

I sent Tim was read out and it happened to be on one of the darkest days of my life. Hearing you two read my message and go off on a tangent about the name Jeff and how you need Yeah, it's really nice. So sweet. joy and a much needed boost to my spirit for that and for all the hours and hours of laughter i cannot thank you two enough that is yeah it's really nice so sweet i'm in a much better place now very glad to hear that jeff and have been continuing to laugh along to your journey through season four and i'm truly sad that i missed your live show in chicago i'm a new dad and i've been

so busy with an infinite home that i didn't realize you were in town until the show had already passed. Not that I could have made it out, but still, to use a turn of phrase not common here in the US, I was gutted. I did, however, greatly enjoy the episode and hope to be lucky enough to see you two live in some form or another in the future.

I hope you had a good time here in the Windy City and I hope you both are well. Again, thanks so much for all that you do, including Death Blart, Overlooked and Undercooked, and best of luck with whatever comes next, which happened to be my week with cats. Live every moment, love every day, and feel free to say my name, Jeff M.

Jeff, that is heartwarming. I love that, Jeff. And since then, since that, because we went on a fantastic boat tour, which I'm sure we outlined in some small amount of detail. Yeah. And the woman who gave the tour was fantastic and outlined in some small amount of detail. Yeah. And the woman who gave the tour was fantastic and outlined that it's called the Windy City.

Did you hear that? Yeah. Sounds like Rufus is moving around some furniture. He really does. He's a small dog. When you're living down here, you hear all sorts of shit, mate. Yeah? Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, the walls are so thin. It's only a, you know, the roof's essentially ply. Oh, that's a worry, because my bedroom, I think, is straight is straight up yeah i'm scared you're going to come crashing through the floor boards from time to time right on the windy city not because of its wind oh here we go because of all of the hot air that would come out of chicago if i hear that well do that fact is the meme equivalent of that picture of the guy um in a subway station standing next to a billboard of people like all in a row and he's by himself but he's next to the billboard and it says this is what listening to a podcast is like i've never heard of that no you will you will have seen

it it's a bad example anyway i read a fantastic book that i want to tell everyone about it's set in chicago it's sort of uh historical it's not fiction but it's It's set in Chicago. It's sort of historical, not fiction, but it's told in the first person through intense and laborious research. And it's called The Devil in the Windy City. Cannot believe you won't let me shout out movies on this thing. Here you are with a book.

Devil in the White City by Eric Larson. And it's about Chicago's bid for and subsequent efforts to host the World Fair. We get it, Monty. You're literate. Congratulations. You're a big show-off. And also about a very scary killer called John Holmes.

Sally writes. Dual narrative. I've actually... It's my turn. So... You squandered it with this book review. No, I just remembered something. You fucking nerd.

I just remembered something. Yeah. Go fuck yourself. So... That's what I'm after. I'm not after book reviews. I'm after that. Melody writes. So, I'm reading this book reviews. I'm after that. Melody writes,

So, I'm reading this book, Providence, by the author of You, which is blowing up everyone's Netflix at the moment, and look what I stumble upon. We've had this before, but it's never too late to celebrate it again. The author is Caroline Kepnes, and she's on the record as being a fan of the Frosty Fellas. The segment of the book reads, I have friends now, sort of.

About a year ago, I found this podcast. There's two guys from New Zealand, Kiwis. Their names are Guy and Tim. And all they do is analyze grown-ups too. It's the greatest feeling to hear them talk. They notice all the stuff I notice, like how you can't tell what the director wants you to see. I'm trying to read through the circle now.

It's too hard. But anyway, thank you so much, Providence, and a huge thank you to Caroline Kipnis for continuing to spread the gospel. If you haven't, which I haven't, be sure to check out You on Netflix. Apparently the second season's got a really fun improv comedy subplot, which absolutely eviscerates the improv community scene.

Has improv comedy had enough, is my question. Do we need to uncancel them somehow? No. They are the world's softest punching bag. It's very easy to mock improv comedy if they had enough. As someone who does improv comedy and is currently recording episodes of improv comedy to be broadcast and consumed at a later date. I love the trope.

It's not going to work. Improv comedians deserve every piece of shit that is hung on them. We are the bottom feeders of society. We are losers. So Snort on TVNZ will be available later this year. It might work. It might might work i hope it does it might not though and that would be humiliating i've never been a part of a scene in improv and thought this will hold up

upon further inspection yeah i mean that's the point the magic is in the moment sally writes hello she probably didn't intend to read like that. So there's two messages. The first one's from June. Have noticed you in the scene... Oh, have you noticed in the scene where Samantha Spoonfeet's carry the teapot changes to a different one?

I think it does. Like a different teaspoon, I reckon. I think it does. I remember watching it in a movie, I guess it's movie, blooper clip show years ago, and it somehow has been seared into my brain, but I haven't built up the nerve to watch the film again.

I am, imagine thinking of something for several years that's in a film and being like, but I cannot face it. I do that with things in life. Yeah. For years? Emails.

Yeah. Things I'm like, oh, I've actually got to get to that and then I'll sit down to do it and I'll be like, oh, might be nice to look at this website.

Three years later. I'll look at that website and then I'll be, oh, I need to get off my computer. I've been looking at my computer all morning and then it's tomorrow. If I'm wrong,

I'm sorry for building up hope of finding a blooper. Hugs and kisses. You're doing the Lord's work and keeping me sane during an endless job hunt. And then the subsequent email in the next month. I'm sorry to email you again, but I'm certain the teapot thing is a blooper. You haven't seen the Sex and the City film.

And I can't believe you watch a film 53 times and not see it. Sorry for the unprofessionalism. I have drank some wine. the best sally unprofessionalism spelt with too many l's what professionalism are you bringing to an email with a podcast she is a professional audience member of this show also give out a huge shout out to your performance in reading that email do you know in the time we've been recording that your sight reading has come along in leaps and bounds thank you so much

I really appreciate it I really appreciate the correspondence Sally and do you know I'm actually really sorry for you because I'm never going to get to observe your observation on principle someone else might report back moreover to antagonize you I think you're lying

I'd like to read this correspondence to you Tim which feels somewhat like a personal attack although it's not hey team is that Tim

pronounced the Australian way or is it genuinely team team as in a group of people the unit yeah

this is a non-specific message you know that's how they say my name in Australia, right? Yeah. Tim. Hey, Tim. Hey, Tim, this is mad hectic.

When I would ring into a call centre to buy a SIM card or get my taxes sorted when I was living in Sydney, they'd be like, what's your name? And I'd say, Tim. And they'd say, what? And I'd say, Tim. And they'd go, oh, Tim. They'd go, what's Tim?

Yeah. Lunatics, go, oh, team. They go, what? What's it, Tim? Yeah. Lunatics, eh? Hey, team. I was wanting to contact you in regards to your podcast. Well, you have. Congratulations. I'm an audio editor and podcast producer, and I'm reaching out to podcasts who I can take a step further

by optimizing the audio more so than it already is. Obviously, the final product is everything when it comes to longevity with an audience. Well, our numbers were big to do. And then I didn't respond. And then later they wrote, Yeah, you read it with a lot of sass A lot Because Jordan hasn't addressed either of us by name Nor the name of the podcast

Which makes me feel like Jordan's just blitzing Every podcast page on Facebook And that's fine we'll just ignore it But Jordan found the worst idea Yeah Which involves research doesn't it How would you find the worst idea on Facebook? I don't know.

You might Google the word podcast or put it in the search bar of the Facebook website. What are you doing? Googling the word podcast. This comes to us from... We're not anywhere near the front page.

And this is on my Google. Sarah, Dear Timbo and Guy Guy, emailing here from sunny Newcastle upon Tyne, England. T-Y-N-E, Tyne? Yeah, crushed it. First of six in the city, the movie, when it came out. Just put can out, but I'm pretty sure it's came out. Can out's funny.

I'm going cans out today. And thought it was great. I was 14. Now I can't think of anything worse. Recently, while on my lunch break, I saw the following in Tesco's and couldn't help but think of the podcast and, of course, Coffee Guy. Maybe he was more involved with the characters of their movie than we realized. Of their movie.

That's probably supposed to be. Congratulations on completing all your watches and keep up the good work. Say my name, Sarah Jelf Matthews. Thanks, Jelfy. I really like Jelf. What's the... J-E-L-F.

What's the image? Who cares? I'm too honed in on Jelf. I care. The image is loading currently. It appears to be some... Oh, there we go uh um a ready to go coffee like an instant in a candy thing of a cappuccino latte cafe i'm gonna hold up to the camera in case you're on patreon and it says on it on the label mr big is bad which is fantastic it does. It does too.

That was the inspiration. In fact, I think there is a really popular instant coffee brand in Japan. That's Mr. Big. I'm Mr. Big. That's my name. That name again is Mr. Big. Hey, boys. Hey, guy.

In a recent episode of the Friend Zone, you wondered aloud. You all right? Yep. I think I've been breathing in quite a lot of mold. Oh, yeah? In a recent episode of The Friend Zone, you wondered aloud if a disproportionate fraction of your listeners are enrolled in PhD programs. Yes. And if so, why?

As a grad student who had the podcast recommended to me by another grad student and who has since got many others to start listening, can confirm and explain this phenomenon great why are we so big in academia i'm working on my phd in evolutionary biology specifically studying the social networks of fungus beetles this means that i spend thousands of hours carefully gluing tiny name tags onto beetles and thousands more staring at the wall of my shower wondering what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I'm getting deja vu. Are you? Is it possible we've read this before? Totally possible. I don't have a great memory but play on player. I like this.

Your podcast has provided precious entertainment to lighten monotonous work but more importantly it has given me a sense of kinship. It is comforting to listen to other people who have condemned themselves to years of doing the same things over and over without perspective or purpose. Laugh at the absurdity of it all.

That's right. I regret to inform you that you have both been working on dissertations this whole time. Oh. To celebrate the end of the pod and to recognize your invaluable service to higher education around the world, I hereby declare that you have completed your doctorates. I feel like the Scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz when he gets his diploma.

Start putting PhD after your names on important legal documents. More seriously, it has been genuinely important to me during an undertaking which is not known for its positive effects on mental health to hear you cling tight to what really matters friendship in the city oh in this spirit i'm asking you to thank the friend who introduced me to your work becca you're the best you have made the last few years of my life so much better my friend becca you're the best nice i've attached a picture of a beetle wearing a name tag. Love every moment. Live every day and say my name. Phoebe.

And here's a picture of a beetle who's been named somewhat, you know, I think unromantically, 4BS. It does it. No, it won't focus, guys. It's no use. It's going to be blurry. What Guy's done is he's just shoving that screen up to the camera, but I've taken autofocus off, you see.

Now he's just having a bit of a muck around with forced perspective. A regular Peter Jackson, this one. He's big and he's also not mic'd up right now. So thank you so much for that. And I love the idea that we have done a dissertation. And I like this idea that if you get a PhD, you're allowed to honor other people as you want. I also don't think you need to apologize

for revealing we've done a dissertation. I think this is the best way to do a dissertation is to be oblivious the whole time. Oh, by the way, you just qualified as a doctor. Lewis or Louie has sent us 20 US dollars and there's probably a message somewhere else so thank you so much for that that was in july okay i actually had a i posted a video on my instagram story the other day and someone i was rummaging through my freezer it was not my penis it was actually i was uh experimenting with coffee ice cubes oh yeah what do you think about that

you make it you make a coffee yep and you freeze it into ice cubes and then if you if you're having an iced coffee instead of watering down your coffee you put in the coffee ice cubes nice and then it's just more coffee sounds good so you'd think oh i had one yesterday and what it turns out is quite nice about putting ice cubes in your coffee is it's a bit thinner and watery at the end which is kind of a relief yeah because if you put in more coffee it becomes more bitter and stronger and then when i was driving to tape this improvised show last night i was also experiencing phenomenal anxiety and i arrived to what was a 10 minute crime scene on the toilet i took three shits before the show including one right after

I'd been mic'd up. Anyway, while I was rummaging around in the freezer, someone whose Instagram account is Will McCarty messaged to say, hey, while you're in there,

see if you can find the message I sent on Patreon last year. Oh man, that is a platform that I need to get. There's very, there's not a lot of messages that come through

but we need to start feeding them into the friendzone absolutely and I assured him I'd have a rummage Will called me a good man and that was my rummage so rest assured

the system is being corrected and improved yeah and we've got our best people on it that's Tim he's our best man I reckon

I'm going to read one more and so will I. And then we will end. Okay. Do you want to go first or should I? Sure. Jacob said, because this was a while ago.

This was mid-July. Remember 2019? Good on you, Jake. Simpler time. Dear Bert and Ernie, I'm already imagining you reading these words and your magnificent Kiwi accents. You absolute legends. I first heard about you boys in the Halcyon days of season one and could not get enough.

Like nearly everyone else who's written to you, you've helped me get through some tough days at my often stressful job. And I just really, really appreciate you. Individually and together. Who you are. How funny you are. Charmer. I'm really good by myself. How hard working.

I do really well when I'm alone. How hard working you are and that you are honestly just good fucking dudes who are legitimately gifted at making people smile and laugh and who can keep a bit going longer than anyone I've seen.

That you made it through the mud-filled trenches of four seasons with your friendship intact and a devoted audience and toast is a lot about who you are as people and as professional funny men. I wish I had friends as funny as you. You do. Us.

Have you ever noticed that you're both the straight man and the funny man? And that you can charm alien into whichever role best fits the mood? It's magnificent to witness. that you're both the straight man and the funny man and that you can charm alien into whichever role best fits the mood it's magnificent to witness you both have the ego of the straight man and the selfishness of the funny man i hope that makes sense i'm drunk i love you jacob that was so nice yes i brought uh i bought a razor with your promo code one time. I hope you got that money. Fuck. Yeah, that's sick, man.

What a great email. That's something I would love to hear. On the very odd occasion when we get to do ad reads, let us know if you do, because I don't know how we know if we get the money or not. We were just talking. We did an ad read for Away, a luggage company. Please don't get into that,

because that contract may come back. And it was great. And Away... It was just that one of us didn't get the piece of luggage so you know when we were talking about how great it was we were referring to the other person's bag but we can both vouch for how fucking great they are it's the truth i licked one hey frosty fellas hey guy i know this is a little unorthodox and i'm going to try and get it viewed via the proper channels, Deciders Club. But if you were to do a one-off watch of a movie and podcast, I'd happily donate some money.

It may sadly only be about 20 of the Queen's pounds to either of the boys or a charity of your choice's compensation. Also... You can't wait to fucking grab us by the short and curlies. Also... That's so good and now I know I'm just being cheeky

you can have the money or I could donate it to the needy yeah I'm trying to catch up with what's been communicated in this email so far we've got

I know this is a little unorthodox and I'm going to try and get it viewed via the proper channels which is the size club but if you were to do a one off watch

of a movie and podcast I'd happily donate some money to either the boys or a chat of your choice as compensation. Also, and now I know I'm just being cheeky, it's my 30th birthday tomorrow. What day?

This was about two weeks ago. Oh, that's not too bad. Obviously, it's my 30th birthday tomorrow if that helps my cause. Obviously, when it's down to your schedules. Jeez, I'm really bettering here. It's such an insane movie, and one scene in particular, I'd love to hear the both of you talk about. I doubt this will work, but hey-ho, you've got to try anyways.

Hope you're both holding up after your cat spree. Seriously, guys, sick help. Love from a long-time fan, Carl O'Callaghan. What's the movie? P.S. If I should be so lucky for you guys to agree and have this read out on a friend zone, you can say my full name. I'd like to see if you guys can get it right.

Carl, what's the film? What's the scene? This is an incredible power move. Carl has said to us, I would love for you to watch a movie and do this special one I've recorded. It would mean a lot to me. It would mean a lot to me. And create a level of intrigue whereby we're like,

well, we're like, well... We're listening. Yeah, and then has withheld it. So if we confirm, like now here's information that we want. So if we say to Carl, I would love to know what the movie is, Carl can say, well, you can only find out what the movie is under the circumstance of you watching and discussing it. Well, with a lot of things, the silent killer is duration.

So signing a blank check can sometimes bite you in the ass you watching and discussing it well with a lot of things the the silent killer is duration so signing a blank check can sometimes bite you in the ass because four hour movies do exist well that crazy one that i think got played at khan like last year that was 16 hours or something that's too long it's too long that's how long a day is yeah if we go yeah we'll watch we'll watch the movie you want us to watch and then it's a 16 hour moviehour movie. Whoops. That's what, technically a day is 16 hours, because you don't need to get eight hours sleep, so a night is eight hours. Sure.

Is that the right breakdown? Two-thirds of your life you're awake, one-third you're asleep? Supposed to be. What do you reckon your percentages are? About that. What about you? Yeah, about that.

It seems like that's too long awake. Do you think? Well, if i think about night and day i split it in two i'm like half the day's day half the day is night even that turn of phrase doesn't make sense half i think it's because you're equating night with sleep and that's not so yeah but to me it's just it's meant to be half and half and so to hear it so heavily skewed towards awake i think hmm hmm i've been lied to who's to say well what a fantastic ponderous and ultimately useless note to end this edition of the friend zone on hopefully if we haven't fucked it up our first ever that wait have we done one before uh not as this, but we've recorded a video before. We've recorded a video before.

We're the legends. So if you're on Patreon, here's looking at you, kids. And if you're not, then you're just hearing us in a slightly more echo-y than normal. Yeah. What is the comparative adjective for echo? Echo-y. Yeah. It is echo-y for echo? Echoey. Yeah. It is echoey.

More echoey. An echoey chamber. Do you know how you say funnier if something's more funny than something? How do you say something is more echoey than something? Oh. Echoier. There's a bit more of an echo. More echoey than usual.

Echoier. We've done it we've ruined the end of what was otherwise a perfect conversation I think what's coming up next on the worst idea stream and boy have I promised this a few times but it's probably going to be hosting

season 3 featuring Guy Montgomery and Carlo Ricci and no Tim Batt the audio magic of Tim Batt Three. Three. Featuring Guy Montgomery and Carlo Ricci in No Timbat. Yeah. Well, the audio magic of Timbat. This was a podcast that we recorded towards the tail end of last year. It follows on from the first two seasons of hosting,

which is a podcast where I hosted Carlo as a guest at my house in Auckland, New Zealand, for a week. Seven episode seasons. Each episode represents a day. The second season, he hosted me at his house in Sydney. And the third season is me hosting Carlo in New York. It's a good time. And I just, every morning I wake up and think, I've disappointed Maureen Johnson again by that not being online right now.

Yeah. Carlo is, I'm okay. But I truly think that Carlo is one of the funniest guys going around. Absolutely. If you haven't already checked out the first two seasons, they're available on the stream for hosting. You can find it through the little Empire website. Actually, do you have anything that you need people to attend coming up?

You're doing a comedy show in Melbourne in March. I need you to look after yourselves. Okay. That's what I need everyone out there to do. I need you to give someone a compliment today. And I'll fucking see you later. Here's an example of a compliment. Hiya, Tim.

Hey. It's really nice to see you. Your eyes are sparkling as though life is good. Is that a compliment? I feel like it created a little bit of pressure on you for you to say that your life is good. I'll start again. Hiya, Tim.

Hi, Guy guy you're looking healthy and vibrant thank you end of friend zone well it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with tim and guy because making friends is the best idea of all time