The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Seventy Nine

Episode Date: February 5, 2019

Welcome back to the Friendzone, making a return due to tepid demand. Guy and Tim are addressing some slightly dated correspondence because IT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes, it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello, and welcome along to the friend zone, which is a subset of Worst Idea of All Time, Inc., wherein myself, Guy Montgomery, and my close friend and associate, Tim Batt. Tim, are you there? Hello, Kia ora, that's me. That's a terrible pronunciation. Kia ora. Kia ora. We engage with our other friends, namely you.

And as some of you have very accurately observed, it's been a while between innings for this particular. It's been a while. Yeah. Is that stained? Hold my head up high. It's been a while. It's been a while.

Since I said I'm sorry. Man, you don't hear a lot about stained. Do you know what I mean? I don't. um no absolutely not sorry something caught my eye on screen um yeah no you don't hear a lot about stained i guess they were one of those one hit wonder bands incorrect when do you think the last album was released by stained it could have been as recently as yesterday and i just haven't heard about it but i'm going to estimate based on when their biggest hit it's been a while came out

which like i don't know that feels like that song was about oh three ish oh yeah i'm gonna go oh three 03 most recent album is 2009 you are actually you're two years off both times so it's been a while was released in 2001 and their last album the self titled Stained

was released in 2011 ah there you go yeah so there you go. Yeah, so, there you go. For anyone who's curious about Stained, they started in 1995, so they had a pretty good run. Now, I'm

aware of the fact that we have capped this Friendzone episode to a crisp 25 minutes, and it really feels like we're dilly-dallying. So, first of all, to the newcomers, hello and welcome. This is where guy and i like to uh as guy mentioned interact with our mates which is you our friends in this zone and we do that by um dishing through the correspondence what has triggered this by the way

is there's a subreddit uh reddit.com slash r slash t w i o a t for the worst idea of all time and i look at it all the time see if there's any new posts and one came up the other day that said, you know, what do you guys think of this new season? And the comments were around the fact that, you know, people were glad that we were back but a little bit

disappointed I guess A, that there was no friend zones coming out and B, that we've stacked all the episodes up so it's hard for them to kind of uh for example follow along on social media in real time and we've just released an episode that we recorded like two months ago so i just want to address that real quick shall we yeah why did we decide to do it this way guy um well initially we were gonna the whole thing was going to be done in secret and we were just going to go bang bang bang 52 consecutive days uh but i think due to you know various rollout reasons we realized that uh we'd stagger it slightly more than that

to get the two episodes a week which is truth told, not quite the pace at which we're watching. We've sort of gone for, it's been quite sporadic, these huge sort of four or five day bursts and then there might be a week or two between screenings. It's just difficult when one of us lives in New York and the other one lives in New Zealand. That's the real answer, folks.

It's the fact that it's quite difficult with the time zones and the geography and the fact that Guy is a very successful traveling comedian and he's uh he's he's off to goa india you know he's off to australia he's uh he's going to the west coast to do some gigs he's all over the shop so um to ensure the safety of releases and make sure that you guys were getting hit with two episodes a week we felt like that was kind of the middle ground to get regularity and because we kicked it off at the um end of last year as well guy and i both knew that we we had a bit of a christmas break coming up where we wouldn't be able to do stuff so yeah we just basically wanted to get a

little bit of a um a ramp a a runway if you will so that we didn't have like a long time between drinks of actually getting the episodes out but i think we're going to catch up to real time um or pretty close to it like you know before yeah i think it's gonna be a pretty sloppy finish for us uh and we've both done well to not either think or talk about it but uh the crushing reality is i think the episodes are being released faster than we're recording them, which means that there is a very sort of grisly train wreck sort of scenario looming just around the corner. But all that to say, I mean, you know, Tim, is our diet lacking fiber? Because I'm on the Facebook page right now and I am backed the fuck up.

Because I'm on the Facebook page right now, and I am backed the fuck up. Yeah, my email inbox looks ancient when I go back to the oldest unread friendzone messages. So we should rip right into it. I also just want to acknowledge that there is a brand new close friend to the podcast, and that is Rufus, my little doggy. Congratulations. Congratulations. How many days into parenthood are you

I'm like four oh wow and what's the relationship with Rufus like so far any big takeaways he's a phenomenal little pooch you guys remember that guy I think you were used to sort of

making a real case for getting a dog because my wife really wanted a dog for a long time so on her birthday we said hey here's a whole bunch of dog stuff let's get a dog she was over the moon and we've ended up I do have misgivings

about the fact that it isn't a pound pooch it's actually a little bit of a designer dog, but God damn, he looks like a teddy bear come to life. He's so cute. So do you now. The same thing I said to you when you told me that, Tim, nothing to stop the next dog you get from being a rescue.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm very happy for you and Zoe, and I would like to, if I may, I'm very happy for you and Zoe, and I would like to, if I may, dig into this message dated 23rd of November, 2018. Seems like a long time ago. And it was. I just happened to see your announcement of season four of The Worst Saturday of All Time because I was telling my brother about you all and looked at the Facebook page.

I wanted to express my concern. Sex and the City has a runtime of two hours and 31 minutes, four minutes longer than the hell of Sex and the Facebook page. I wanted to express my concern. Sex and the City has a run time of two hours and 31 minutes, four minutes longer than the hell of Sex and the City 2. I wish you good luck in season four, and I will be tuning in each week to listen to your psyches devolve. Godspeed, Ganano. P.S. I've been looking into some concerning calculations of the potential power of Brady the Rat King.

Numbers to follow soon. Now, not only had I not read or responded to this message, dated 23rd of November 2018, but the numbers from Ganono had not come through. And so, I've just followed up this correspondence by simply asking, you ever finish running those

numbers, Ganon? So, hopefully some correspondence to look forward to in the future ahead. The floor is yours. Maybe he's been doing the math the entire time. That's why we haven't heard back. He's just been furiously for the last, what are we up to now? Three months, I think?

Just running the numbers. Yeah. Look, I don't know, but it's all going to work out okay. I hope so. Here's Eric, who writes to us on, I was going to say this thee, but it wasn't gonna work out okay i hope so here's eric who writes to us on i was gonna say this there but it wasn't it was that the 8th of november in the year of our law 2018 uh which one is first this one fuck i just remember that i'm supposed to give you boys some card hold cheese if you want my messages read out but i promised my wife i wouldn't touch my bank account or phone

when i'm inebriated when i'm in needbriate. Wow, he said inebriate. Fuck that word, it's hard. Had to Google it. I guess I should put my phone away now. Love you. Don't tell my wife and I'll give you some sweet cheese when I can remember my PayPal. Eric wrote us another message five minutes later. By the way, I want you two to know that I've made some sweet ass bean burritos and poutine while i

figured all this shit out i am canadian and boy do i love our sweet cheesy fries gravy love poutine have you guys ever had it if that's what you're what's your thoughts read as written um so i assume there is a message attached that I haven't actually got from Eric, but when you go through your next message, Guy, I'm going to have a hunt and see if it's there. Let's highlight as well. Folks, we appreciate any cheater, any scraps of cheater you can throw to us.

We lovingly will accept if you go to worstideaofalltime.com. But you don't need to. You can just send us an email. We'll probably read it. We definitely will eventually. I would just like to say we're also not about not above begging for cheddar and not in the sort of traditional demeaning way that you imagine but uh just by simply saying chug us a little cheddar. Like that. Cheddar. Cheddar. I don't know. This one's from the 29th of November, 2018. I don't know if you guys are going to do any more Friends On episodes,

but here's a message for you if you do. Fuck, what a prescient little, you know, prologue. We should have led with that. Fuck. Hello, time butt and gun heist robbery. Hello, Time Butt and Gun Heist Robbery. A few months ago, when I was at the Whiskey Bar on Ponsonby Road after a gig, I met James Reid from The Feelers.

Apparently, he's good friends with the older comic I was there with. I was introduced to him, and the entire time i was around him i could only think about your show and it took a lot of effort to keep from laughing at him weirdly like his filmic counterpart the real james reed from the feelers was also incredibly drunk yeah earlier this week i was at an open mic in the cbd james was there again with the same comic and had apparently been heckling the axe all night after the show still incredibly drunk he jokingly threatened to punch several of the open micers

and then slapped me on the ass multiple times and did the classic mid 40's straight dude gag of asking me if I was hitting on him anyway James Reid from the feelers sucks your show is awesome keep up the great work and good luck with season four

man i let me say for legal reasons that we do not endorse or cannot speak to the veracity of the message we've just read it is simply correspondence we've received however based on everything i know about james read from the feelers it seems entirely possible that what this person has said is all true who do you think is the comic that he was hanging out with because my money is on a kiwi comic known as ben hurley ah interesting uh my money would be on uh a more senior comic it's got to be brendan lovegrove uh is. I'm also using the identity of the author of this message to connect some dots. Figure that out.

Can I tell you what? This is slightly more for Guy than it is for the wider audience because it's a little inside baseball. I hadn't been on stage doing stand-up for a couple of months over the Christmas break, and I did a gig earlier this week uh that brendan runs and i turned up to do my six minutes of new jokes he goes hey man i'm gonna need you to mc tonight and i was like fucking hell all right so i mc'd this gig which i don't i don't i don't like being

surprised by stuff like that but it was all good it was fun and then uh i said uh cool and here's your final act because i got through the list of all the comedians you know we got through the show here's your final act such and such and then brendan comes up to me while the guy's on stage he goes oh we've added five other comics so then we got through those five other comedians after i just lied to the audience and then when that the fifth and final person was on as part of the second set of lineup, he comes up to me while they were on stage and goes, hey, I'm going to close up the show and just say thanks to everyone

so you don't need to go back on. I was like, okay, Brendan. And he proceeds to go up. And what do you think happened, Guy? I reckon Brendan Lovegrove performed for 40 minutes. He did a tight 15 just to put a button on an already long and hot night. But that's the beauty of open mic comedy in Auckland, New Zealand.

If your name's Brendan Lovegrove, you put on all the shows and you literally do whatever the fuck you want. We love Brendan Lovegrove. We love him. That's right. For all of his charms and flaws uh so there's a little peek behind the curtain there for anyone listening along and wondering

how the mechanics of comedy in auckland new zealand work uh now you know just a little bit more but thank you so much to the author of that who has not used their name and i mean it's highly unlikely that us using it now would you know lead anyone to trace it back to them and take issue with them but um we won't anyway we won't anyway that's right here is a message uh accompanying a beautiful you'll love this guy ten dollars and 69 cents contribution hey do you know that as everyone does on hearing the number 69, I'm going to say the following thing. You know that's a sex move, right? Kevin writes,

Timbo and Guy Guy, I've listened to almost 100 episodes of The Worst Idea of All Time over the last couple of weeks. Can't wait until Death Blight 2018. Live every moment. That's it. End. Oh, wow. That's a lovely little message. I mean, can you imagine when they listen to Death Blight

and they discover that there was yet more worse idea to go, how excited this writer may be? A hundred episodes in a couple of weeks is terrifying to me. Kevin, you're a trooper. Absolutely. Now, this one is dated the 30th of November, 2018. It says, Hi, you marvellous boys.

I just watched an amazing documentary called Generation Wealth, which features as one of the main interviews the son of the lead singer of REO Speedwagon. He lived every moment, but did not love every day. Recommended viewing. Looking forward to season four name redacted i have been thinking about getting another tattoo um and it occurred to me that

you know in terms of getting tattoos as life markers it probably would make sense to get a sex in the city one but how horrible would it be to have a sex in the city tattoo honestly on the graveyard that is my right ass cheek tim i wouldn't mind i've walked past a few tattoo shops here in brooklyn new york city recently and thought about dipping in for no apparent reason and just inking myself somewhere that's cool man you should do it do it on a whim yeah i feel like this is sort of decision best made on a whim i think so absolutely and for those who have forgotten as well guy and i had to get tattoos uh toward the end of season one because we um wanted to fundraise a trip to la to do the last step and we were like oh yeah give us five thousand dollars to cover our expenses

and we'll get tattoos and then the internet fucking delivered in record time terrifyingly quickly and so we've both got patty schwartz and some ario speed wagon lyrics in latin uh on our it's on your tush it's in a tush adjacent area for old timbo took us yeah uh and why the hell not don writes oh wait is it my turn your turn yeah turn or your turn? Yeah, it's your turn. Don writes Hi, apologies for being so late to the party. Boom!

But Ed Kevely from Team Effort Podcast just put me onto the worst idea a few weeks back. Now I will say at this point this was sent to us on the 17th of November last year. Very sorry for that atrocious dad joke. Hmm. So atrocious. didn't even pick up on it late to the party i think it's that late to the party um i would love to see a podcast of the grown-ups to cast reviewing your reviews of the movie probably way too much of it from the team that produced a film so bad it took me five days to

finish for some good news after binging on the podcast while doing some home renos i'm informed i have my kiwi accent back cheers don what a story this um tightly weaved email tells an expat who has traveled afar taking his diy spirit with him to a fixer-upper where he's plugging away, going literally hammer and nail on a house to add some value to it and to his own life while he's got Timbo and Guy Guy blasting in his ear holes and it's recaptured his Aotearoa spirit. I love it.

I love that too. 7th of December, 2018. Dear Tim the Toolman Bat and Guy Fawkes Montgomery You beautiful boys I'll keep this message short Good

I'm super hyped for season 4 But Want to ask three things Question 1 Why did you pick Sex and the City 1 over Grown Ups 1? Uh huh Do you want to answer them consecutively or all at once at the end?

I would like to hear all of the questions before I answer any of them Ah Very sensible Question 2 Will Season 5 be Grown Ups 1? Question 3 When is Blaze Pizza going to hashtag pay the boys a blaze pizza

opened near me a year ago but i refuse to go until they make things right but the pizza looks so good keep up the great work say my name neil lewis gonna go ahead and answer the last question first, if I may, Neil. Thanks for getting in touch with us. Blaze Pizza can suck a fat deuce. They still haven't reached out to us. They still haven't made any attempts to make amends. And every time we contact them, usually, well, solely through social media, they seem to just sort of laugh it off.

They'll like a tweet. They might send back a smiley face they might um not really read the text of the message and just say hope you're enjoying your blaze pizza at timbat and uh what i have to say to them is i still to this day and i retain it every 12 months own the url blazepizza.co.nz if those motherfuckers want to extend into our neck of the woods, into our hood, they're really going to have to reckon with the fact that they've done us wrong,

and I own some leverage over them now. So we'll see if that chicken ever comes home to roost. Now, Guy, do you want to have a run at those other two questions? Yeah, well, the reason we chose sex in the city over grown-ups uh hard to say i think again same trap we fell into the first time we thought the length was funny if not in practice just as an idea uh i'm now living in new york so i think there was some sort of appeal and recording with one of us on location and uh as always not a lot of time or effort went into making the decision it was sort of just a spur of the moment thing tim and i were

talking a bit we were missing each other and we thought what better way to guarantee a little bit of quality time a little bit of uh you know uh uh friendship than to you know dig up this coffin rip out the old corpse and chuck in a new one as we slowly

put it back underground again and it's what it is the question of what season five might be

is it's probably a little bit premature but I respect you having the audacity to

ask it yeah yeah very well put the 16th of december 2018 hello tim bones and guy want harmony not sure if this will be read or not but i sent a christmas donation in honor of my friend hercules rebel scum shana because i didn't get him a christmas present and as a result of my drunken state forgot to attach a message to the PayPal donation page. Whoops. What's this person's name? Well if you let me continue I'll get to it.

I'm sorry. Sorry. Anyway I'd like to thank him for introducing me to your audio antics and also thank you two brave boys for committing to another season of misery for my personal enjoyment. You two need our support now more than ever. All hail Brady the Rat King. Much love katie also is it katie with a k yeah thank you katie i found also your contribution sean freed apparently he found it first so i

guess that's a shout out for sean freed if he's listening legendary uh that's really cool for both of you that you're you're part of the friend zone you're in the inner sanctum for your reference uh tim i'd say this will be the last the last one so please uh read it with all of the appropriate grandiosity uh that you see fit i'm not going crazy yeah there is several dogs in earshot of where you are oh my gosh do you know uh i i actually haven't heard them but there are there's two dogs two apartments over and uh i knew like i never hear them when we're in the we're in the apartment it's incredible actually how for how close we are to them in terms of physical proximity how little they uh

interrupt our lives but no you're not going crazy there are two dogs i just heard the tail end of them barking then cool cool cool cool uh there's a bit of sleep deprivation involved with raising a puppy as you may be able to imagine so now it's kind of that thing i'm you know everything is a dog and nothing is a dog hey boys writes carolyn or caroline rather um and uh i don't even know how to explain how she spelt it capital b and then when the o and the e are like crammed together to make one letter it looks like latin or something and then an h and then a y and then an i and then an E and then a Z. Or Z, depending on where you're from. It's called playing with the form. It's called having fun.

I respect it. Been listening from the beginning. Cheers to you for making this next season. I can't wait to listen. At your inevitable deaths, I will burn an effigy in your honor. I'm writing to inform you that I've just woken up from a dream where guy violently beat me with a book of stamps every inch of my body place it out of your mind any erotic notate notions i was terrified and crying the whole time and it really hurt this quote wake up call has instigated my reactivating

my patreon out of fear of retribution from guy jesus please can please consider this an olive branch and stop cursing my dreams godspeed and i can't wait for the gals to waltz back into our lives with panache and oh i don't even know that word to termagant t-e-r-m-A-G-A-N-T Termagant? Yeah, I guess Termagant is how you'd say it. I'm looking it up, but this is from Caroline Zepp. Termagant. Who is a former North Carolinian.

Harsh-tempered or overbearing woman. One of my favourite cities in North Carolina, of course. One of the greatest cities on Earth. Would it be Raleigh? No, it wouldn't be Raleigh, actually. It would be Raleigh. Ah, very good. Well, as promised, we're going to put a pin in this one.

But thank you so much. Hey, hold on. Just before we go, can you make a sort of promise that you're going to stop haunting the dreams of Caroline? Yeah, look, I'm really sorry about that. It always feels funny to apologize for wrongdoing in someone else's dreams. Rest assured, I have not and do not collect stamps, nor do I beat anyone with books full of them

or any books of any description or generally engage in violence. So I am sorry to waltz into your subconscious and do that i assure you it was not my intention i was probably trying to traipse my way through your dream to a much more pleasant place uh yeah i uh do not condone the behavior described in that dream and it will not happen again tim it's been so nice catching up with you. To you, our listeners or listener, thank you so much. Please keep the correspondence up. You can message us at theworstidoyourofalltime on Facebook. What's the email, Tim?

I don't like to say it. I like it being just a small, tiny hope. Because I'm not sure where my email address is published, but it's somewhere very obvious because people keep sending emails to me. Okay. But I don't want to name it. Well, yeah.

I'd also just remind people that if you want to check out some bonus content that we make, you can go on patreon.com slash T-W-I-O-A-T. And if you contribute $5 a month or more, you get access to the Patreon Pals episodes. And if you give $10 a month or more, you get to be part of the deciders club which decide what movie we're going to review and the very next one we've got coming up is very exciting for me uh van wilder party liaison the crew have decided on so that that should be a real doozy all right thank you so

much everyone we'll see you soon the next episode of the in the in the feed will of course be back to your regularly scheduled programming of us going insane love you guys more friend zones to come bye bye it's the friend zone with tim and guy come to the friend zone and have a good time yes it's the friend zone with tim and guy because making friends is the best idea of all time