The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirteen

Episode Date: June 30, 2016

Timbo needs some alone time, Guybo is trying to find the best party convo locale. Here in the Friendzone we're always looking to meet new friends and sometime, fall asleep immediately. Big ticket items on the menu this week, Guy has a gig in Welly coming up and Tim is starting a podcast network (Insta @LittleEmpirePodcasts | Twitter @https://twitter.com/littleempirepod). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone, and have a good time, yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time. I just feel like going to sleep after that, in the nicest way possible. I feel like getting out there in the wild and making a new friend. Do you? Yeah, that's what that song inspires in me. getting out there in the wild and making a new friend. Do you? Yeah. That's what that song inspires in me. Is it kind of the jangly, is it a guitar, is it a banjo? I think it's the encouragement. It's the imploring nature of the song at the end when he says,

making friends is the best idea of all time. I'm like, well, yeah, obviously. Yeah. Things are better with a friend. But you've got one right here, friend. I know. Is everything better with a friend? Or sometimes do you like to do something by yourself?

Oh, I definitely... Timbo needs some Timbo time. Often. I've grown to know that about myself as time has gone on. I need a lot of personal space. I do too. Do you announce it or do you just sort of shut down and leave? No, I just roll out silently.

I'll just bail. That could probably be quite concerning for other people. No, I don't think they notice. You want to orchestrate a situation where it's not going to be noticed. So like start a party and then just bail. Start a party to get some alone time. Throw a lot of invites out there. That's a lot healthier than just being like, hey, I'm going to go be by myself for a while.

You want to do a lot of planning. You want to spend a lot of money on it. Make sure everyone's just having a rip snorter of a time and then just roll out silently. Then you've got like a room full of your closest friends who are slightly inebriated and worried about your whereabouts. You've done the exact opposite of what you want. No, because I think people don't notice if one person goes.

If you're hosting a party. It's all self-sustained. I even think most of the time when that's the case, you've got a good hour and a half, depending on the party, before people really start going, wait a minute, where the fuck is that guy? Because everyone will just assume you're in the bathroom for a little bit. Or talking to someone in a closed-off room somewhere.

Exactly. It takes a long time for people to start going, oh yeah, when did we... Do you think the best conversations at a party happen out in the main party area or tucked away in different corners or hallways? Where it's like, you know, when you're really getting into something with someone

and you're like, yeah, this conversation warrants us not being around everyone else for fear of someone intruding. It's a really good question. It's a double-edged sword. It's a two-sided coin because often those sideways hallway conversations are the ones that get real intense real quick and you want to actually get out of and there's no escape.

You know, like when someone really corners you, pins you into a corner of the room and you're like, oh, man, this is not what i wanted to spend the party doing that's a bad feeling when you're caught in a conversation that you don't want to be in i used to be better at exiting those and now i don't know how to do it do you think it's because you've grown more aware of other people's feelings yeah i want to hurt people i think that's it I think it's like I'm so loaded with empathy, I can't end any conversation. You're growing to be a kinder boy by the day. Which makes everyone think that I'm really boring because they'll notice that everyone always has to end a conversation with me

because I can't do it. Yeah, I talked to a guy, it was really fun for a bit, but it really tapered off at the end. They don't know I'm mailing it in. I'm passive-aggress aggressively trying to end every conversation. Well, what an intro to the friend zone.

Let's see what some of our other friends have been doing, saying, talking about. This is an adjunct. Adjunct, I think is the word

to the worst idea of all time, whereby we don't watch We Are Your Friends in these episodes. This is where we communicate with pals across the world. We're catching up with you.

You guys. We're seeing how you're doing. You're seeing how we're doing. And speaking of adjunct or words that you're not sure on, I've actually got a message here from M.H. Smith, who is a near and dear fan. He's got a few things to say. Number one, I'm friends with the founder of Instagram,

and that has led me to having no more money than I had before. So you're right. Keep it, Systrom. The theory of the fuck, boys, that because these apps exist will lead to success is ridiculous. And two, Tim used the word turgid in episode seven when I think he meant terse. Turgid means swollen or congested.

Terse means abrupt. I don't remember the context of that. Nor do I, but thank you for the correction. Tergid is a word I would love to be comfortable using, but I'm not. I'm so with you on that. So what is the definition of tergid? Tergid means swollen or congested,

and terse means abrupt. So if you're terse, I know terse. Terse I'm cool with. I use terse. I'll throw terse around. Tergid is one of those ones I read or will hear every now and then. I'm like, oh, good word. Yes.

But you won't think, yeah. You've got enough vague awareness with it to be like, I don't need to look that up. I know that it's rattling around in there somewhere. But you don't actually know. Hey, well, I've just Googled terjid. And you're certainly right. That is one definition.

But the other definition is tediously pompous or bombastic. Tediously pompous or bombastic. So, dead right. Someone had a lot of fun with that definition. Especially when the alternative is swollen. That's good. Anyway, thank you very much. What was the name again?

It was M.H. Smith. Thanks, M.H. Smith, which sounds like the most lazy pen name imaginable. Just get the most common surname of all time and then just a couple of initials in there. Bad nom de plume. This is from... I'm going to keep this brief, this one.

This is from someone. I'll read the message first The message is Benjamin Westening You're a big Stoopy Birthday dummy Suck it

And it's from Nicole You know what it means You do know what it means Happy birthday Yeah happy birthday From your boys And Nicole A person who gave us some money It's the money guy You do know what it means. You do know what it means. Happy birthday. Yeah, happy birthday from your boys and Nicole. A person who gave us some money,

it's the money guy, is called Sonia. I never know if I should say the last names on the microphone or not. I think yes. Okay, Sonia Darby. She said, I'm sorry I couldn't give more,

but I gave as much as I can because this podcast has given me so many laughs i never really liked podcasts until i listened to the worst idea of all time now i listen to podcasts every day and this is always my favorite and i listen to it a lot it's so sweet that is sweet really like that thank you sonia and no one should ever feel bad about giving us money no don't couple a donation with an apology. No. We appreciate it.

I feel you, Sonia. I think you were pretty thrifty there. It's a pretty insulting amount of money to give, honestly. Guys are just here to undercut what I'm saying. You don't have to take this on board, Sonia. This is an email from Ryan. Ryan says, Hey, Timbo and GuyGuy.

Just emailing to say how rad the podcast is. Been listening since the beginning and hear my... I think maybe the word too is missing. And to hear my views on Adam Sandler being expressed by other people reassured me that I'm not insane and that Adam Sandler is actually real. Keep it up, you brave boys. You've got to keep promoting. That's a coolly pastor.

Goddamn right. Ryan comes to us from the land of England. So perhaps... Sorry, there's a bit of stuff going on there, Ryan, with regards to not knowing whether or not Adam Sandler exists. Yeah. He definitely exists. That wasn't ever really the intention of the podcast.

The podcast called Finding Adam Sandler. We're going to prove to you that Adam Sandler was not a figment of your imagination by watching one of his films 50 times. Mission accomplished. We did it. Good on us. Victoria gave us some money and she said oh love this i read this and it made me giggle actually i put a bet on brexit because i thought if leaves what if leave wins i'll it'll suck but at least

i'll have 70 quid now it feels like dirty money so i'm sending you what's left after i paid for my irish passport sorry it's now worth feck all oh that's awesome well yeah it's bittersweet but um you're not wrong that's sort of the logic of sometimes in sports games i'll be a convo about this at the bar the other day didn't we because do you do this oh betting yeah well you bet against the team you don't want to win so that you've kind of like emotionally hedged. Yeah, yeah. But it's also, you sort of diminish the supporting experience because it's like...

Yeah, that's my beef, man. I think you need to go whole heart. No, but what we were talking about was I was betting on... I bet on game seven of the NBA when I think Cleveland were paying... You know, like it was sometime in the third or fourth quarter when Cleveland were paying $3.50 or whatever. And then I was waiting for Golden State's odds to balloon above $2. And then if I bet on that, I'd be guaranteed

to make money. And you're like, yeah, but the return is so small. Oh no, that was me taking issue with the amount of money you were betting. That's all that was about. Because you were just chucking $10 on. I'm like, what is even the point? Because I made like $50. You made like a dollar. Nah. What did I make?

You made like $4 or something, didn't you? No, I didn't wind up putting any money on Golden State. I made good money. I made like $30. Oh, okay. Well, good on you. That's a fancy meal. That is a fancy meal.

Good on you, bro. Just for watching sport.. That's a fancy meal. That is a fancy meal. Good on you, bro. Just for watching sport. I got paid a fancy meal for watching sport. Yeah, sports betting's fun. No argument from me. Fancy meals are great. I retract my earlier critique of the amount that you spent on the game. This is just a lovely brief message from...

saying, hey, Tim and Guy, I live in Brisbane, Australia. Me and the girlfriend love the podcast. It's got me just a lovely brief message from saying, hey, Tim and Guy, I live in Brisbane, Australia. Me and the girlfriend love the podcast. It's got me through a fair few rough come downs. Cheers. Anonymous, please. Did you actually say his name? Oh, yeah, big time. I absolutely said his name.

I'll bleep that. Hey, do you want to know what? Dude who we bleeped before, this is probably a world first. I'm bleeping a name on the potty. It's just funny. I'm going to write down a little time code when I need to do a world first. I'm bleeping a name on the potty. I'm just going to write down a little time code when I need to do a bleep. There we go. I read it out in the wrong order. Always read the message

before the name. Nah, I like the haphazard way in which we present the letters in this show. This one's from JT. Hope he doesn't mind his name being out there. Dear 10-ton T-Bone and Guy Mont the Mountain Guy, I'm a 26-year-old Texas boy

who is enamored by your quirky audio outputs. Thank you for making my commute so much better. You two are the shining light of the cinematic display that we call life. God, that is touching.

Sadly, the movie must end too. That movie must end too. Anyway, thanks so much for the ridiculous amount of quality content. Y'all, that's some genuine Texas slam. Yeah, y'all is good. Y'all are definitely my friends. Oh, yes.

Even if you just found out right now. The five-hour director's commentary took me much longer because of how many times I had to pause both mediums until my raucous laughter subsided enough for anything else in the room to be heard isn't that gorgeous you're the two most attractive men that i've ever seen and i sure would like to give you both a good fuck however i am married and not gay okay bye now jd jd and it's also incumbent on me to mention the donation amount that JT sent which was 69 US dollars

JT you're a classy guy I like what you're about I like where you're coming from I also hear you on the fuck front the way you talk makes me suggest we would have a good time throwing down good on you JT God bless because I know you guys are into that i'd also like to give a shout out to um our good mate nicholas judd who uh is a friend of the podcast he is a friend of

the podcast he sent us in fact can i share this yeah the story what happened oh wait no i can't actually um nicholas judd um tried to do us a big favour in New York City and we kind of fucked it up, so sorry Nicholas we got in the way of you giving us a good time but he's a real friend of the podcast He's framed a poster

We still have some posters We've got a bunch Yeah, because you insisted on us getting tons more printed than I thought was wise. Yeah, you never know how many posters you're going to need. Well, I suspected a lot less than what we got printed, and guess what? I was right. No, you weren't right, because if you were right,

you would have stopped us from printing that many fucking posters. I guess so. I guess I was right, but not confident enough. Yeah, you get no high ground. I threw a number out there, and you were like, nah, more. more way way more look i think it's good to overestimate demand uh the point is we've got a ton of these posters what do you want to do with them i'm just saying he's he's framed a poster he's also framed a t-shirt which i think is ridiculous he framed a t-shirt oh there's no need for that i'll tell you what we should do if he's super jived on the design

is get like a nice quality print of the tattoo and get Thomas to sign it because he's the artist. That would be a cool thing. Thomas Coddle. I should get one of those in here actually in the studio. That's a good idea. Shout out to Thomas Coddle. We now know, by the way, for those of you who don't keep up to speed

with the Westerly of All Time Facebook page, Patrick Schwarzenegger has seen the t-shirt design and has tweeted out his support of it Yeah, because it was next to a blaze pizza Yeah, it's so good Love the t-shirt, love the tweet or something

If you're not on the Facebook page as well, please join it because it brings me a lot of joy, that Facebook page It's like, it's the best lot of joy that facebook page it's like the best part of the day it's a communication portal so good hey you know where i haven't been in a while uh during the friend zone taking a trip over to the worst idea of all time subreddit um let's see what's on here at the moment there's just someone submitted oh oh that's a fucking good photoshop love that i'm going to just describe it for you guys because you'll be like the audience surrogate Someone submitted, oh, that's a fucking good Photoshop. Love that.

I'm going to just describe it for you guys because you'll be like the audience surrogate. I'm the proxy. The title is Squirrel Was Murdered, and someone has Photoshopped an image. It's one of the frames where Squirrel is talking to Zicoli when he's taping the flipping coin, the coin flip around. And just behind him is the murder from too many cooks with a knife yes that is good capital work photoshopper uh the second one is what else have we got here currently watching we are your friends about an hour in

juicy so coley is an extraordinarily bad friend through the entire film so far he is consistently ditching his hometown friends sleeping with friend and mentor james reed's girlfriend enabling a problem drinker and generally being kind of a piece of shit ready drugs and violence with friends like these right that's astute yeah it's good. As a note, he complains about the roughly $200 from the first DJ set, gets enticed to take predatory real estate job for, quote, real money, for which the signing bonus is roughly $200. That's a good point. Yeah, that's good.

That's a good one. That's a good one. What else we got? Just a lovely comment the boys were well and truly on on this one spoilers season three episode nine so i guess that was last one isn't it fun having a podcast yeah spindly spindly wimbly timbly's really uh coming back as well that's good a few of those because if if you could see him right now, you'd know what I'm talking about. The boy is so spindly.

Am I spindly? Oh, you're spindly, all right. What does spindly mean? You're as spindly as a spiral staircase. I don't know. I think it means, you know, you've got twigs for bones, mate. Right.

But I also kind of think it means like limmy as well, like quite long. Yeah, you're limmy you're limmy because there's not a lot of meat in the middle if I ordered a rib and you got served I'd be upset I'd send it back to the kitchen and say there's not enough meat on that bone oof

there's plenty of meat on these bones they're alright they're good bones I'm not saying it's not good meat and I'm not criticising the bones i'm just saying i've got a big appetite and this spindly little rib isn't going to feed me you're hungry boy uh did we talk oh yeah no i think we read out dahlia blackman in an earlier one she was the one who called you shy guy aka flash montgomery yeah it sounds familiar oh yeah and then we plugged your podcast briefly we really need a better filing system

don't we? And then, oh no, because there's been a follow-up. She just said backyard burial rules and Ryan was really surprised. I've forgotten who Ryan is, I'm sorry. But that's awesome. I've forgotten what was backyard burial a ban suggestion? It was, yeah, from the

often lauded internationally New Zealand garage hardcore scene. Of course. I think that's it for all the super important stuff. I'm sure there's more messages in the Facebook. Are there any more that you wanted to... No. Hey, I'll tell you what.

I'm very confident we've missed some people. Always, always, always, always. And I want those people to know that... This one's for you. Yeah. This is, you know, that doesn't stop us from being firm and close friends. Now, one thing that I think we're allowed to get away with on the friendzone guy is plug some shit that we're doing.

Because you're about to go to Wellington and you keep not mentioning it on the podcast. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to try and get this out today. Yeah, that's good. I'm headlining at VK's this saturday the 2nd of july um it's gonna be great there's really good local support james malcolm's on the bill is a very funny young comedian i'm doing 30 hot new minutes for you wellingtonians and i'm really excited so if you're on wellington and you do listen to the podcast please come along to that gig it would mean the world to me good stuff and well um let me say

formally on the podcast that i'm starting a podcast network oh i see um i was the entree plug and this is the main plug no i was a plug and it wasn't big enough to go in the hole i didn't know if i wanted to bring this up on the potty yet or not, but I've done it now, so I've pulled the trigger. Congrats. No, no, no, because I kept thinking about how you're about to go to Wellington, and usually this is the process. When you've got a gig or I've got a gig, we do the podcast, then we go, oh, fuck, I should have mentioned da-da-da.

Yeah. And we haven't even done that. Yeah, that's true. In the last few episodes. You haven't even regretfully forgot about it. You've just wholly forgot about it. Well, you've reminded me, and that's true. In the last few episodes. You haven't even regretfully forgot about it. You've just wholly forgot about it. Well, you've reminded me. And that's what friends are for.

And hey, Tim, congratulations on launching a bloody podcast now. What a crazy thing to do. You're a crazy boy. It's happening. It hasn't fully happened yet. But there's a couple. So Guy and I don't have any shows in the works. I want to take all the steam out of that right now. There's no new shows by Guy and I just yet.

But I reckon what we'll do is we will fuck around with some weird concepts and experimental formats and ideas and shit and just do one-offs and then hopefully you'll give us some feedback if it's good or not. But what I do have cooking up is there's some really fucking cool shows coming up with other people people some of whom have been on the podcast as guests yes which uh i'm really looking forward to they're like i've been recording one in particular for the last few weeks banking up episodes and i reckon if you like worst idea you're going to really fucking dig this one as well what an exciting time to be a

prospective listener to this new podcast that you're revealing uh scant detail about well you get it you get that tease oh it's a good tease so what i would love for everyone to do at the moment right now my big push is instagram so if you're on instagram it's uh little empire pod i think i better check that hot handle unforgettable little little empire podcasts on Instagram and then on Twitter it's a bit shorter it's little empire pod yeah it's important to get the same handle across both oh yeah and I've fucked it up I have fucked it up but if you if you could search for like little empire podcasts on uh on all the things and like it that would mean the world to me.

It's an exciting time to be alive. I can't even find the fucking Twitter one. What did I get? What name did I get for it? Jesus. This is a good promo. Isn't it? This bodes well for the network.

Instagram's what I wanted to post and it's instagram.com slash Little Empire podcasts. The whole thing. Hey, everyone. So let's focus on that and let's focus on going to Guy in the nation's capital, Wellington. Oh, everyone. So let's focus on that. And let's focus on going to Guy in the nation's capital, Wellington.

Oh, yeah. Where do you get tickets for that? You get them if you look up the VK's website, VK's Comedy and Blues Bar. If you Google that, it should be there. I think it's sold under the Premier. It's called Premier Comedy. Saturday, the 2nd of July, 8 p.m. It's going to be fucking going off like a cup of cold sick. Minta.

Minta. You're like mint. Mint, but... Oh, mint. Minta, but Australian. That's it from us. Keep being nice to everyone around you. Well, it's the friend zone.

With Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone. And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy come to the friend zone. And have a good time, yes, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy, cause making friends is the best idea of all time.