The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirty Four

Episode Date: January 20, 2017

Join Timbo and Sean Paul as they attempt a variety of voices reflecting the beautifully diverse range of locales from which they receive correspondence. Of particular note: Timbo's extended run at a Russian affectation and Sean Paul scolding the boyz in a refined British accent regarding where the school term sits in different parts of the world.Trailer: Walk Out Boys Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire Podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. And you're back to the chorus. Well I don't really care what people say. I don't really care what them one do. Still I got the tic that my girls like too. And I'm a doppel number two.

Now sing along. So me go so then well, I don't really care what people say. I don't really care what them one do. Still, I got to stick to my girls like glue. And I'm a W number two. All I know the time is I get in dread. Need a lot of trees up in my head.

Got a lot of damsel in my bed to run that red. Goodie, goodie. One thing me have to tell him, daddy, cuddie, woody, woody. Front way back, way cutie, man, halfie, shoobie, shoobie. Virgin, damn, wanna give me an half a toogie, toogie. Hot girl, saddle, road, that's him and him is him. Welcome to the Friend Zone, episode 34, I think, with me, Tim Batt. And me, Sean Paul.

All the way from Kingston, Jamaica. Hey, we're back, everybody. We're back. We're back. We're back in the room. We're back with each other. I'm trying to mentally figure out right now, Guy, if this will come out before the next. I can't remember what the last thing.

So you've just listened to the latest episode of The Worst Idea of All Time. The first which we got to record together in 2017. Yeah. So that will be episode 29. We haven't done it yet, just to be clear. 29 is your age. But you've heard it. Yeah.

Or you might have skipped it and just listened to the friend zone. Maybe you're a rogue. You don't actually care for the podcast. You just like the idea of friendship, and that's what you seek out. And if that's you, all power to you. Tell you what else we did today. We did the Patreon Google Hangout, and it was fantastic, but I did not realize that Google Hangouts can only accommodate 10 people in a room.

You know, you live and you learn. Google, when are you going to give something back? Because it's take take take you take my daughter you know you issue an ultimatum you say i'm not getting her back until i provide you with unlimited uh and unfettered access to the data of myself and the 20 people who i deem to be closest to me it's an unreasonable request i can't even you know think to rank the the closest 20 people in my life and for you to want unfettered access to all their data unreasonable is that the bit

that's really tripping you up on this it's not necessarily the privacy implications but it's the fact that you have to like write down and list i just think who's who's on top i'd sort of almost made my peace with that yeah but then to cap how many people can be in a google hangout yeah talk about the straw that broke sean paul's back it was bloody rough i apologize for yawning it has been a big night yawning uh oh just you know tired what were you doing to make you so tired uh went to a gig last night went to a live music venue, went to Wreck. First time I've been there, which is a hot little club downtown that an old mate of Guy and I's buddy started up. Britt O'Mart, Auckland City, New Zealand.

Shout out to Connor if you're listening. How was Conan Mockerson? Bloody good. Was he sexy? So sexy. Was he weird? Bro, tell you what, real riff-raff vibe. Yeah?

From Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it at the start, and the people we were with were like, 100%. That is exactly what he looks like. It was... Did you get free drinks for the rest of the night? I did. I did, because my girlfriend bought me many beers, because she is a sweet, sweet angel.

That's so nice. So nice. It was nothing to do with my outstanding call. What kind of beers were you drinking? I couldn't even tell you, guy. I don't even know, but I know they were cold and delicious and I suspect Pelsner.

I went to Fat Freddy's Drop concert at Villa Maria. Yes, boy. 10,000 people turned out. And it was a banging hot gig. It was at a winery. For some reason, though, I thought that there would be more than the one beer provided. You could only buy Carlsberg by the can.

For 10,000 people? 10,000 people slowly sipping on a Carlsberg. Or drinking the fantastic range of wines available at Villa Maria. I hope they got a good deal on the Carlsberg. Nah, I think it was just to drive more people to the wine. Yeah, good call actually. Good call. Hey everybody,

Tim and Guy here. We are a podcast. I'm Sean Paul. Guy could not be with us this week. I apologise. I do keep forgetting because you two look so similar. This is the friend zone, not the normal episodes where we watch the movie. So we're going to share some correspondence that's come through the Facebook page and the emails. And some coriander or cilantro if you're in North America.

Cooking tips or maintenance tips. If you find that your cilantro or coriander goes off before you want it to, lob the bottom off it, put it in a body of water, and pop it in the fridge. And that's going to keep for probably an extra four to five days. You are most welcome. Tim, I've got one here for you. Hit me. Hey, boys.

A big fan of the podcast. Here I'm planning on coming down to the land of the Kiwis this coming April with my girlfriend on a vacation. We're going to both the North and South Islands. You're not going to the Stewart Island if you're curious, Tim. No one does. As well as a small stay in Sydney while we're there.

While we're... You know, in Australasia. Yeah, yeah, sorry. In Oceania. I thought for some reason he was coming from Australia, but he's actually coming from the States. Adjust your accent accordingly, please.

We're starting to get it all planned out and I have a question about your respective schedules. I would love to be able to see you all at a comedy show while we're there, so do you guys know when and if you'll be performing at all between the 4th of May... No, because they do their dates backwards

where I'm from in America, because that's who I am. The 5th of April and the 20th of April in New Zealand or in Sydney. If you've gotten this far, thanks for taking the time to read through, and I hope to hear back from you guys. Cheers. Michael, that sounds like a message we will address to you, and only you, via this communication channel you've opened up,

because, frankly, I don't think anyone else would care whether or not you get to see us perform. I trying to remember when the new zealand comedy fest is that sounds like it's in about then isn't it the new zealand comedy festival tim i don't know why i'm telling you this i mean i'm from virginia but whatever it will be taking place from april uh the dates aren't even on the website late april 27th of april to the 21st of may so that's outside of that window god dang it before that i'm gonna be in melbourne and you are too actually so i'll tell you what you do um like our pages on facebook and when we do gigs we pop you up on there yeah and it's also just good for morale it is good for morale here's a message from mccall Branson. Where's McCall from?

I like what we'll do. No, you know what? This is a hat one. I'm not reading this out. There are so many hat messages. Tim, you find out where the message is from and you do the accent until you get a new message and then you have to do the new accent. Okay? I'm Sean Paul. I'm terrible with accents.

I'm not sure where... This person really doesn't say where they're from though. I'm terrible with accents. I'm not sure we're... This person really doesn't say where they're from, though. Well, choose a country. It could be New Zealand if you want to feel like a lazy piece of shit. To Timbly Wimbly and the Guy Fly. In last Friend Zone 33, Guy expressed some interest in what goes on there in regard to Raleigh, North Carolina. As a recent transplant to Raleigh, I thought I'd fill you in.

Guybo, correct! Raleigh, in fact, state capital and one of only few progressive areas in very conservative state. Our state government makes some national headlines in 2016 thanks to our dickbag governor's pet project, House Bill Doss, which, among other things,

stated that people can only use bathrooms that align to the mark gender on their birth certificate. This bill caused quite a stir as many large businesses and events canceled plan to move to North Carolina in protest, the most prominent being NBA deciding to move 2017 All-State game out of state. In the face of criticism from all sides,

Governor Dick Bagg stood strong, mocking dissidents at Trump rallies, which is probably what ultimately cost him his re-election at the Democratic Challenger in November. As one would expect, as his last act, Governor Dick Bagg called called special session where the very republican state legislature decided to take control of a bunch of responsibilities that traditionally belong to the governor it's now up to the judicial system to determine

how much of the coup is constitutional really also known as City of Oaks, for its many oak trees which line streets in the heart of the city. Kisses and wishes, Christopher. Well, Christopher, I gotta say, I hope you've enjoyed a seamless move from wherever you are in Eastern Europe to Raleigh, North Carolina.

Funnily enough, I actually met a guy, I met a couple who live in North Carolina, in Charlotte. I walked the Milford track recently, and they were visiting, and they seem lovely. Charlotte, of course, the biggest city in North Carolina, but not the capital, which is where Christoph, or Christopher, as your assumed American name is from. Not original name. No. I've got one for you. Please proceed.

This one coming from a different country. Dear boys, just catching up with the podcast, and I have to ask, what the fuck happened to you two at the start of app 26 aka kevin you completely lost your minds maybe this is mid-season madness maybe it's the heat but you are off your ever-loving chumps what on earth was that rant about the start of the school year is all about your school year starts after your summer and guess what here in the northern hemisphere so does ours not just in the us yep across the whole of the northern

hemisphere when the year starts is arbitrary seasons are not i'm gonna pause here emma and speak to you in character as yourself why don't you get off your ever-loving fucking northern hemisphere high horse and acknowledge that logistically it makes sense for the start of the year to correspond with the start of the school year so everyone's got a nice clean handle on when they're learning. Class of 06 because I started and finished in 06. Not 06, 07. What a fucking mess. No idea why this particular piece of idiocy stood out so much

from the rich vein of twaddle I've been enjoying from you two for the last two plus years. But hey, there you go. Never before has a podcast caused me to stop in the middle of the street and try to stifle a shriek of, are you fucking idiots? Anyway, love the show, Steve. Keep up the good work and all those kinds

of encouraging noises. It's been and still remains a joy listening to your ramblings, Emma. Having said that, the call with Guy's dad in the following friendzone is nothing short of stupendous. All hail, Montgomery Senior. Hey boys, long time listener

to the podcast. Shout out to my friend Logan who introduced me to it in undergrad, and I just wanted to share a couple of photos with you guys. The first is me pointing disapprovingly at my local Blaze Pizza store. I hope they will hashtag paytheboys very soon. The second is a picture of my sister holding an iPad box she received as a present for Christmas from her boyfriend. Before she opened it, I made her guess what might be inside, hoping it would be a sentimental gift

on the level of James Reed. However, she did not enjoy the game as much as I did, and it turns out it was just an iPad inside, not even a sentimental gift. Either way, I was happy you guys shared new episodes over the holidays, and wish you a happy 2017.

All my best hannah well thank you hannah that is truly a touching and most lovely message this one comes from a person whose name i won't say hey there boys oh still the same accent sorry let me recalibrate can i just say this is that i don't know if you've listened to a comedy bang bang recently but that is dead set uh thomas middleditch character oh yeah is it the sort of some sort of crime solving yeah yeah like that's perfect oh wow you've really nailed that i'm sorry to take us out of the world for a second no i'm still in the world It bears mentioning that your accent Is indistinguishable

Well this is great news because as popular dancehall Slash reggae musician Sean Paul I'm often at the same highfalutin Swanky Hollywood dues As popular comic actor Thomas Middleditch Doing another character Well yeah

Unbelievable another character well yeah yeah amazing sorry please proceed and the boys you said you don't know some varpe pass and write to teams in mile first time I've done something like that and I want to make sure it gets right to you she's oh well it would appear this message i've read out is uh is mostly just for confirmation of a separate message i certainly not worthy of reading uh but i have done this so i really do not know uh what to do anyway if you have one, please, because I certainly do not. Dear Timbo and Guyzie,

you must stop the podcast, for I have had a terrible premonition concerning you both. Only last night when the moon was full did I settle down with my girlfriend to watch Adam Sandler's masterpiece, 50 First Dates. While I began the movie in chipper mood, by the end, a deep melancholy had taken over me, for I had a vision of the future, which I will share with you now.

On the morning of the 52nd watch of We Are Your Friends, you will both be in a car in sunny Auckland, gay in spirits, as you are mere hours away from finishing your three-year ordeal. Excuse me, I have a question for you. Yeah. Are you from Australia or are you maybe from South Africa? Because to my ears, it is very difficult to know which country exactly you're from. Well, let's find out. Tim will crack a joke and Guy will laugh heartily.

Unfortunately, at this moment, disaster will strike. The car loses control and you crash. Are you dead? No. A far worse fate befalls you both. Similar to Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, you both suffer irreparable short-term memory loss and i would like to make an interjection i think maybe when you start reading you are from australia but as you continue for some reason i do not know perhaps uh brain damage but you

suddenly start sounding as though you are from a different country. I'm just going to keep reading the message. Amnesia. Each day you both wake, you watch We Are Your Friends and complete the final worst idea of all time podcast. Then each night your memories restart, damning you to repeat forever this pattern of behavior. You are brave boys, beautiful boys. Oliver. Oliver, beautiful boys, Oliver. Oliver, I appreciate your concern, but it must be said, if we do not know that we are

trapped inside this prison because of amnesia, then maybe it's not so bad. I am just spitballing here. I don't know what you think, Tim, about this. If we are trapped inside of a

Drew Barrymore-esque world wherein we watch the movie and then we wake up the next day we forget that we watched the movie.

I mean, is this not sort of like some form of release from the problem we usually face which is full-blown awareness we have already seen movie? Bloody, you're right. Oh, there you go. Could I please read one?

Thank you. Thank you. take that letter give it a little skim at the end and then you come forth with all your might buffalo new york sorry about those bills bud dear knife wielding timbly and flash mcgee i just wanted to give you boys a bit of a look for this Sisyphean task you've taken upon yourselves here. I found out about the podcast via the Thrilling Adventure Hour, and I haven't looked back since. You guys have been a bright spot during my long days at work, and have been the answer when people ask what the hell I was laughing about. You're brave, and maybe a bit mad for doing this,

but damn it if I haven't gotten more than a few good laughs out of it not sure how long paypal is gonna let me go on but yeah thanks danesha a from buffalo new york you can read it because i want to hear my name in that lush kiwi accent pronounced danisha well danisha as promised here's your voice in that lush Kiwi accent. Danisha. That was actually, that corresponds perfectly with the message. That was the, that little checkup message I was reading as though it was from France. Yeah, that was that one.

That was that one, yeah. Well, nailed it. In your own time. No rush. Just giving a look. You bastard. You betrayed me. I'm a long-time listener and big fan of the podcast.

So I was listening to your podcast while packing, and suddenly your beautiful voices went silent i tried pressing pray pressing play and it didn't work i watched the storage on my uh this is i'm boring myself i think you're doing great it sounds like sean connery's got a mouth full of mashed potatoes I checked the storage on my phone it said the SD card was corrupted taking all of my music and photos with it

it wouldn't work afterwards so I had to buy a new SD card and now I'm $90 and half a year's worth of photos out of pocket I believe your Kiwi accents were too soothing for my phone. Now I guess I'm living the true worst idea of all time life. I'm in Jamaica now. By making my listening experience cost negative.

Love the podcast. Read my name. If this goes on the podcast. Read my name. If this goes on the French road, Daniel Thompson. Wow, Daniel, you've got a very interesting voice. I don't actually have, this isn't directly a piece of correspondence, but I do have something for you, Tim, if you're interested, which is, it was posted on the Reddit, the subreddit, for the

Worcester Idea of All Time. R slash T-W-R-I-H all the letters. That's right. It's two days old, and what it is is a link with the title Brady the Rat King Project Scientifically Confirmed.

And this is going to be interesting to you because what's happened is mice turn... This is reported by New Scientist. So this is new science, none of that old science. Mice turn into killers when brain circuit is triggered by laser. So inside every mouse lurks a natural-born killer. Researchers have identified the brain region that controls hunting and have found a way to switch it on and off. So this is real science saying that if you put a laser into the right part of a mouse's brain,

that mouse becomes a killer. Shocking. Truly. I think it's interesting that humans are like, mice are killing people after they actively try and make mice kill things. It's like, what the fuck did you expect to happen? You proved your hypothesis, and now you're reporting on it like the mice are deciding to kill at their own free will? Uh, no, scientists.

If you're in the lab specifically researching whether or not you can make a mice hunt something by putting a laser in its brain, you cannot report on that news as though mice have decided to do that of their own volition. Would you like another piece of correspondence? Because I feel like you're in the zone for it.

It's some sort of a role. Dearist Timbon and Guyinit. Okay. Hello from the beautiful San Francisco Bay Area. I had the pleasure of listening to Little Empire Sampler this week, and while I loved everything you had to offer, I was immediately taken by the walkout, boys.

I'm not from any specific time or place. Commit. Now an idea has struck me, an idea so obvious that I'm sure you've thought of it long ago. of it long ago when are the walkout boys going to be joining you for half a screening of we are your friends your friend mickey checky go ahead and take a crack at my last name the proper pronunciation is spoiler checky spoiler uh the answer to that question is we did have a think about that and uh the boys have already seen it we want to do a big a big big crossover for um the upcoming baywatch movie because then we can have the walkout boys and Boners of the Heart and the male gays and us all giving an in-depth two-sense review. That would be a special event podcast.

Wouldn't it? This has been a pretty special event. Yeah, I feel like it has, actually. We've certainly had our fun with it, haven't we? We've done a bit. My full credit to anyone who stuck with us through thick and thin. A lot of thin. Or thick, depending on how you look at it.

Did you enjoy doing the accents? I particularly enjoyed your Eastern European. Were you going for Russia? Originally, yes. I did drift. Yeah. In Russia, accents do you. Very good. Alright, well, we're going to piss off now and watch the movie thank you

so much for continuing to support us everyone and uh you can you can do so by uh following us on twitter respectively tim underscore bat b-a-t-t or guy underscore mont you could that's right like the facebook page for the worst idea i am sean paul but i'm currently running guys twitter so it is guy underscore Mont. It's a takeover. Join the Patreon if you love us and you have too much money and you don't know what to do with it all.

Just give a little tiny portion of that to us each month. And I would like, on behalf of my good friend Guy Montgomery, to say if you are looking for just a quick blast of something a little different, Guy and his friend Carlo put out a podcast called Hosting

and it's all available online it's 7 episodes all about 20 minutes each representing a day in which Guy hosted his friend Carlo in God's own Altador it'd be a perfect thing

for a little train journey or a plane ride real joy for a commute bye everybody see you later. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try... How did we do?

Have you seen Sing? What a ridiculous film. Like, go see it just to believe it. It's, I don't know what they were thinking, who they made it for, but it exists. Someone made it. Lots of famous people got involved.

I loved it. They go to a movie and they walk out of the movie.