The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirty Nine

Episode Date: March 5, 2017

Welcome to the Love Nest, with Tim and Guy. The boys try to pin down a definition of 'regular' and finally, the boyz find a listener who got turned onto How Did This Get Made from Worst Idea. There's some great letters, there's some incredible theories. Come get some in the Friendzone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Little Empire podcast. Visit us at littleempirepodcast.com and on Instagram at littleempirepodcasts. Well it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone, and have a good time. Yes it's the friend zone, with Tim and Guy. Cause making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome to friend zone 39 with your old mates Timbo and Guy Guy. Coming to you live from a bedroom where Tim and Guy live. The love nest. This is where you and your partner rest your weary heads at the end of the night and raise them when they're rested and beautiful in the morning.

That is. This is the spot. We're in the bedroom because the studio where we normally record in is an absolute tip site at the moment as my dad would say it's a bloody tip in there tim looks like a bomb's gone off in your bedroom yeah it's a clean your own get in there you're not going out i'm not giving you your pocket money till you clean that room i like that it's really stuck with you why is it a tip in there uh because we had the potty fest live festival over the weekend congratulations thank you it was lots of fun what wasn't a whole lot of fun is on sunday

when a pretty hefty bout of bacterial intestinal gastro uh wait what's called gastro gastroenteritis uh struck me uh causing me to change my bowel movements dramatically for the worse i see and by worse do you mean more regular uh that's not how i would describe them less regular well well i guess what how do you define regular more often yeah say that oh yeah regular is a regular seems to needlessly ambiguous term yeah it seems like it would suggest more healthy and i don't think you could describe uh the situation i just googled the word gastro yeah and underneath it and the people also ask section there's people also ask what is a gastro food how long does gastroenteritis last in a child why do i need a colonoscopy for anemia oh i thought it was amnesia amnesia is kind of funny oh boy um our bodies are connected

that's the simple reason why uh not yours and mine no not ours but different parts of your body that you wouldn't expect your body like your memory and your colon yeah so sometimes you gotta flush one out you store all of your worst memories in your colon and when you can't get to sleep because you keep remembering all the bad stuff you've done if you get a colonoscopy you're in the clear you gotta flush them out literally and figuratively so um thanks so much to everyone who came out to that now uh here's the kicker about that we were on the sunday um when the technology decided oh you know what i don't really feel like recording today so um like a lot of our live shows in the past there's no

you'd think we'd really have cracked it by now but there's no uh the thing the thing that shits me is firstly the gastro but secondly the fact that i had it working perfectly on the first day, all three shows recorded fine, and then come our day, day two, just wasn't playing ball. I think it's better to sacrifice the Sunday shows than the Saturdays. Yeah. We know how to handle it.

So the episode isn't going to be released into the regular stream, but instead we filmed it and recorded the audio on the same camera. And that episode bonus content will be available to our Patreon subscribers. Yeah. We didn't want to grubby up a lot of reasons for that. We don't want to grubby up the regular feed with the terrible audio quality, but we do want to. And also the terrible things we said.

Well, yeah, that's true. There's a lot of talk about newborn babies. Yeah. Not, yeah, it's not too bad what where your brain's gone it's not that bad yeah but it's it's like one back from that yeah yeah um but it's you know it's all good content it's gonna be up there on the patreon um haven't decided what tier maybe everyone who's giving us any amount just to say thank you give it to the people yeah that's that's true. We'll do that.

And there was another important thing I was going to cover off, but it's gone. So should we dip into some? Let's dip into some correspondence from our dear friends. Now, this message comes from Steph, whose last name I'll resist saying. Dear Spinley and Flash, I'm writing to you with great excitement because I've just bought tickets and flights to see both of your shows in Melbourne. Hashtag pay the boys.

Ever since my friend Annie got me onto your party, I've been hooked. You might remember her from Friends on 33, pointing out what everyone except apparently Tim knows, that the knife is as terrifying and unpredictable a co-host as you can get. Annie also hates watching films and doesn't really care for celebrities so it's a testament to you both that she's such a big fan my favorite thing about the show is that despite the swift rate at which you two boys descend into madness and despair week after week you always

manage to say genuinely positive things to and about your loyal listeners and I think that's bloody lovely fuck boys you ain't. I'm also dragging my bestie Emily to Melbourne to see. She's not a fan yet, but I've got a month to see if she'll get through 5-Hour Energy. If she can cop that episode, I reckon she'll be converted. Wish me luck. Much love across the Antipodes. Steph. Well, Steph, that is in the pantheon of great friendzone messages. I've got to be honest, that is terrifying to a young man who's desperately,

this is me talking about myself in the third person by the way uh who's currently trying to sort out his comedy show to be the best it can be with limited remaining time to make that happen just believe in yourself yeah it's it'll be fun i'll tell you that one thing i've learned about stand-up comedy over the few years i've been doing it is you got to chill out a little bit. Oh, certainly. I think so long as you're having fun, the audience is having fun. Yeah, that's true.

So long as your definition of fun is the same as the audience's. Yeah. It's a tricky thing because sometimes those things don't align. You masturbating, sure, is fun for you, but does not a comedy show make. Yeah, it's pretty avant-garde.

I wouldn't call it a comedy show. It's more of an art installation. But that is incredibly flattering, and thank you so much. Guy and I have got all of our dates up on our respective websites, if you're in any of those. If you're in Australia,

if you're on the east coast of Australia or in New Zealand. You're going to Brisbane, eh? Yeah, I'm going to Brisbane on March 14th. We're both doing Melbourne and Sydney festivals And

Obviously New Zealand Auckland and Wellington as well And we'll try and Get down to Christchurch As well Yeah and I'm Going to apologise

To everyone for The constant mentions That that will get Through every Friendzone I want to apologise For that Your boys

Gotta put bread On the table And this is like The only way to even remotely get cost neutral with comedy festivals is to tell everyone you meet on the street that you've got a show. I hope someone's got a family member to come. So bleak. All become good enough at comedy that people want to come anyway. That is years off. Years off. I've got a message here from Zoe that starts, dear Timbo and Guy.

I am leaving you no that would be i tell you what if my fiancee was going to leave me uh that would be a pretty funny way to drop the bomb in the friend zone and the friend zone and to come up with like an alias name and get a new email address because i wouldn't expect that from her she's not like she's not a techno dummy but she's not passionate about technology if she went to the trouble of creating a new gmail yeah

god that'd be good dear Timbo and Guy dedicated listener just wanted to share a part of a story of friendship and camaraderie I am part of a McElroy group chat with various channels about their multiple media forms

through hard work and a daily countdown until the next episode, till Death to Us Blat section, I got enough people intrigued about the contents of the podcast to get the mods to do a stream. What does that mean?

Just continue reading. Okay. Together we... Oh yeah, this is good. Together we watched Paul Blart Mall Cop 2, which we all found much funnier than we should have, followed by Paul Blart Mall Cop 1, a much darker film,

which we were all shocked by the intensity of. Not a go if it was honestly upsetting, followed by the two existing episodes of the podcast. This combined about seven or eight hours of Blart-related content, and my eyes hurt afterwards. We plan to do this mostly until everyone in the chat understands the value of that show.

I also happen to be the only person who knew of eugene's as you were the only ones who introduced as oh sorry as you were the ones who introduced me to the mackleroy's i shared all of my knowledge with my friends including the seasons you've done the location of the first season and a link to your website so they could find everything this is so sweet uh once one of the mods finished the first season we're probably going to stream grown-ups too with the director's commentary i can't wait too long didn't read well i did read it but anyway you boys have made me an expert in a very specific craft in allowing me to grow closer to my friends and i wish you all the best with your journey jeff oh it's not from zoe

at all it's from jeff from the man who sent you the graph information and say my name regardless. What is this Zoe? It's part of the email address. Okay. I made assumptions that I shouldn't have. Jeff, thank you so much. That's great that you're spreading the gospel of worst idea. Yeah, certainly.

As we call it. I appreciate that. I always think when people go real intensive on like getting into it, I guess it can go either way. But to me to watch two blarts and then have an eight-hour run, that is too long by any stretch. Yeah, but you're not into that extreme, lock yourself in a room for 12 hours.

You're talking to a guy who recorded a five-hour podcast 30 centimeters from you, you piece of shit. That's true. That's a good point. Thank you so much, Jeff. This one comes from becky um who writes hello gentle that is very good and hello to you becky and this modern world of dangerous pronouns and not wanting to leave anyone out i'm glad that we can all just agree to call each other gentle from now on i'm going to to start doing it in every day of time. Hello to you, gentle.

In a recent Friendzone, you mentioned Paul Scheer. I really like How Did This Get Made. I started listening to it after Paul's guest appearance on your show. That must be the only person who did that in that order. Who got into How Did This Get Made because Paul Scheer appeared on the worst idea of all time. That's optimistic. Absolutely. I've been hoping for some time. I started listening to listening after Paul's guest

appearance on your show I've been hoping for some time any plans of you turning up on an episode of How Did This Get Made in the future

your friend Becky PS have you two ever done a guest appearance on any podcast if so I'd love to know which ones so I can give them a listen

thank you so much Becky thank you Becky the biggie is Spontaneanation, Paul F. Tompkins' podcast. I'm not sure what number or anything it is. If you just dig through the archives, it's out there. That's with Lauren Lapkus for crying out loud. It was quite a day.

We've done quite a lot of guest spots on different podcasts, and I honestly can't remember a lot of them we've done a few i've done i think two episodes and we've done one together i love green guide letters you know what i should do i should try and find them i should google them and put them on one place in our website yeah that'd be a good idea i'll probably yeah i should write you know what i'm gonna write that down before i forget it. You should. Where's my phone? We also did a guest appearance together on Cheap Tuesday, which has now become Walkout Boys, but that's available on iTunes if you look up Cheap Tuesday Podcast.

Was Strand's one called ProSumer? Yeah. And that was a really long, quite in-depth discussion, eh? Yeah, from memory. Friend of the podcast Strand Cole. Strand Cole is the one who, if you've seen me post any psychotic cartoon pictures, he does one every episode of the podcast.

He's a great guy and quite a talented photographer. He did all my photos for the comedy festival. And a great illustrator as well. Talented man. He's learning as he goes. But no, you've given Tim something to do there, which is great because I'm pretty sure he was down to zero on his list of things to do.

And he will not resent you or I for taking on this responsibility, Becky. This doesn't feel too difficult though, right? It's just me Googling and finding all of them and putting them in one place. I think you're right. So thank you very much, Gentle. While you continue writing that down, Tim, I'm going to read another message.

This one comes from William, who says, are you guys doing a live show at the Melbourne Comedy Festival? I've googly booglyed everywhere. And at the moment can only purchase your individual shows, which of course I have. That is a good question. Yeah,

we're not. We will, whether or not it's under the official banner of the comedy festival, or we rent a hotel room and invite people to come around we should do that

we've kind of threatened that because that way we can watch it with people there I wonder how many people will come we will

William we'll talk about that off mic figure it out and we will relay the details to you either through the friend zone

or the worst city of all time but thank you for the question and the reminder yeah totally um should i jump in yeah jump in here's me jumping in okay hey the water's fine a sacrifice in solidarity is the subject of this one dear tim and guy i'm not feeling real good about the start of that it feels like our mum wants to talk to us. My name's Rebecca. I'm 21 and from the States,

Portland, Oregon specifically. I recently jumped onto season two of your guys' podcast, brackets, I'm super late to the party, I know, and I just wanted to shoot you guys an email to firstly say thank you.

I really enjoy the podcast and I appreciate the torture you put and continue to put yourselves through just for the sake of entertaining us. As an aspiring stand-up comedian, I've also checked out both your guys' stuff on YouTube and I love that too after the toothbrush fence you guys would probably be the number one reason i want to visit new zealand anyway i literally just finished sex

in the city too and i really should be listening to you guys uh and i really should have been listening to you guys it was so mind-numbingly awful but i felt compelled to watch the movie at least once to really understand the pain that you were self-inflicting in solidarity as a fan. I regret it, but curiosity got the best of me. Anyway, I'm going to try and get through Season 2 quickly enough to catch up with you guys

before you finish up Season 3. Wish me luck, and good luck to you as you near the end of your masochistic endeavor. Thanks again for being troopers, and I can't wait to hear more about what you're up to after the third season wraps sincerely rebecca b ps there's a postscript oh hold your horses my shining light for the movie was during the i am woman karaoke scene where this east asian woman with an elaborate gold outfit and pearls around her neck starts singing along i remember her i think she looks like an opera singer she oh yeah that one i was thinking someone else yeah it is that one uh from the looks

of her i imagine she's a disgraced opera singer whose fire has been relit by the girl's stirring uh feminist anthem her husband watches on with a vaguely concerned look on his face it's it's truly a um it's a uh what do they call it? The spring. The Middle East spring? No. The Arab spring. Arab spring, yeah.

It's their own little piece of the Arab spring that they're bringing in by singing I Am Woman in a karaoke club in Abu Dhabi. Yeah. That was a lovely message. That was lovely. Rebecca B., you're lovely. And I hope your comedy career is positively budding. I hope you're having a great time there in Portland, Oregon.

I'll tell you what, just keep going. Yeah. There was actually, at the moment, because I've been so freaked out about the fact that I don't have a show yet, and I open in a month, shouldn't be probably talking about that too much. You know, there's bits there. But I've kind of been. Yeah, way to placate everyone's fear tim i've been actively

like sort of avoiding stand-up stuff online but i've actually been like no no fucking you need to get in there you need to get your head in the game get in there yeah get all the advice get the good oil and i read there was this good website where it had like 20 pieces of info of oh no 20 tips i got as a stand-up and it was real good and a lot of it was just around um just keep doing it oh man like one of them was just just go a lot of the time it'll be real awful but you just got to keep going and that's honestly what separates a lot of good people who go on to be good from people who are shit and i feel like that applies beyond uh just goes and just keep

going up and when you're on stage and your joke's tanking just go like just keep going with the joke that's true like it works both ways anyway that's not what the podcast is for the podcast is for this greetings guy the mystic and tim the enchanter my magical boys your beautiful soothing voices are the soundtrack that composed my most recent intimate replace oh okay sorry uh your beautiful Oh, they listened to us while they got freaky and created the beast of two backs guy. I feel like there's a few spelling mistakes. I think what it's meant to say is the soundtrack that composed my most recent intimate release betwixt myself and a willing participant or relay race you know like a passing off thanks to the wonders that are computers the lords of digital media decreed that such spiritual airport sounds and pure knowledge being spread

across the airwaves if somewhat smelly airwaves from guy was the perfect air massages to achieve a climax it feels like it's been spat through several different translators i hope that provides you pleasure in some way because it sure as shit accompanied a mountain of pleasure to me bring this information to you across the account where i pretend to be a wizard online because the last message i launched your way can only be described as a conversational equivalent to spaghetti falling out of your fanny pack at your mother-in-law's funeral. So yeah, keep up the work that no one asked you to do but we could never do without.

Live every magic moment. Love every warlock. From Hasselbrook Longthorn. Well, we did it. It only took us three years, but we found the perfect message from a fan. Hasselbrook, was that the first name? Yeah.

Hasselbrook can't express my appreciation for that enough. And we've been contacted in the past, I think, by someone who sort of was accidentally listening to us while performing Coitus. And it's always a good message to get. I'm never disappointed to hear it. I think it's not like I wouldn't describe our podcast as love making music or anything but it's just satisfying to know that through happenstance of course

occasionally from time to time people do it between here and there someone will get freaky while listening to the worst idea of all time it's weird I remember once I I was having sex

while a David Cross stand-up special was playing in the background. Look at this champion. He had sex before marriage. Yeah. And both myself and my partner became distracted by the bit. That is the power of David Cross.

Yeah. This is a message from Brittany Collar. when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in, or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Which I say because the first line is name permission granted dear timothy and guy matthew i have you know my full name i have a small correction for you lovely lads i only bring it up because it was repeated multiple times in an episode granted i'm a few episodes behind so maybe this has already been addressed can you guess guess what it is, Guy? Is it the pronunciation of the fantastic town Raleigh?

You've done it again. Raleigh, North Carolina. It's pronounced Ray. Think ancient Egyptian sun god, Lee. Think. Well, don't think. Don't even worry about that part. You've already nailed it.

Here in the South, we have a blatant disregard for what a word looks like versus how we actually say it. Like I said, this is a small burr on my side compared to the hours and hours of flawlessly executed podcasting. Far from the truth, but very kind of you to say. Thank you for all your efforts, pain, endurance, insanity, and lovely Kiwi accents for these past three years, Brittany Cole PS. I am a burlesque performer here in Georgia, and I once did a dramatic reading because of the worst idea of all time. I read excerpts of a truly horrific fanfic about grown-ups to a crowd of people. If you're interested, you can read about the ghost of Rob Schneider slowly killing the cast of grown-ups here. You're welcome.

There's a link attached. From Tatiana Sprinkles, my performer named. Pronounced, oh, Titiana Sprinkles. Thank you, Tatiana Sprinkles. And I will continue to pronounce it as I so choose. It's insane. Is there a... Rally.

A mass meeting of people making a political protest or showing support for a cause? Is there like a bunch of people like you guys who pronounce it rally? Or is it just you waving the flag? I like to think there are people getting on board with the cause. But as far as I know, I've not come across anyone. It's always good to hear from you people in North Carolina. I'm not going to twist the knife.

If nothing else, I think it's this misunderstanding that we seem, this impasse we seem to be at has really brought a lot of North Carolina fans out of the woodwork. You North Carolinians are a fine fight. I'll tell you what, to the good people of Raleigh, you've almost earned yourself

a live show. Every time you say it, it's like a fairy dies, you know? You've got to say Ray Lager, bring Tinkerbell back. And another fairy

is given life. Ahoy, ahoy, G. Montgomery Burns and Tim Bobo Bat. After zero views of We Are Your Friends and listening to 34 deconstructions

week by week, I feel confident in guessing the synopsis of the movie, Stop Me When I Go Wrong. Yay. A zucchini-broccoli hybrid named Cole, played by that guy who's always a buff musician of some sort, a wannabe DJ with the heart of his namesake, has more PCP in his body than EDM talent, even when he's sober. One fateful night at a club, Hannah's personality-free buddies run to the literal devil, James Reid. No longer sticking with mere fiddle contests in Georgia, Satan has expanded his musical repertoire,

first as frontman of the feelers, and then trying his skills in the techno business. Upon hearing Ziccoli's demo, James Reid knows there's only one option for his success, so he gets Ziccoli to sell a soul to him in exchange for fame and fortune. Sure enough, Ziccoli Flowers' garden pals become real estate scammers to feed their drug habit, and fortune runs aplenty as Zicoli starts working on the fame part. However, when he bangs Lucifer's girlfriend in Sin City, James Reed considers it a breach of contract and takes a squirrel's soul immediately. Zicoli is understandably upset, not because he's lost a friend,

but because he'll never get famous on lack of talent alone. Fortunately, James Reeded them even, and his sentiment gives Ziccoli the receipt for his soul in a MacBook Pro box, an apt metaphor if ever I heard one, to show they are still in business. Sure enough, it's Ziccoli's next kick at Summerfest. He is applauded despite inadequacy, and then gives his ill-gotten money to one of his victims in the hopes that this is seen as him buying his soul so his remains intact.

On an uplifting note, the movie ends with he and the gang finally finding their place in the world as hell's friends a true anti-hero story oh and rosebud was his sled yours friendfully guy incognito um i would that is so good that two things one that i have control over i want to post that up on the facebook page because that is epic that it was so well written and certainly i can see how that is your version of the synopsis of the film as told by our weekly recaps it was it was bang on you got you picked up everything we were putting down and you put it so well and also is there some way that we can get the official synopsis of the movie changed and something like an Amazon.com or IMDB to that?

Like that. Because that was just great. That was pure poetry. Thank you to Guy Incognito Mode. Maybe you wrote it, actually. You got blackout drunk and wrote poetry to yourself. I certainly don't remember doing it, so there you go. William writes to us,

What is New Zealand thinking? All hail Brady the Rat King. Brady the Rat King or Rady the Brat King. That could be a new thread to put on. Well, I guess that season's done. New Zealand has... This is the message now. Tim's going away.

Yeah, yeah. New Zealand has decided to try and get rid of all the rats. All of them. Clearly they don't understand the extent of Brady's power. And then there is a link to a NBCNewYork.com news article, the headline of which is currently loading on my cellular telephone.

Hmm. How about that? A couple of boys beholden to your internet speed. Yeah. New Zealand aims to become rat free. And it is an article, seemingly, about us deciding to get rid of all the rats. I feel like these sorts of articles, Croy, you can't just decide to get rid of all the rats. There also isn't an article.

There's just a photo of a rat in that headline. Look at that. Yeah. That's it. And it's from New York, NBC. This is fake news. Yeah, that is fake news. I've got real news here.

It's just a message that says, always look on the bright side of life and a link to an article on Pedestrian, which is a Queensland woman is enduring 75 solid hours of rolling in the deep for Adele tickets. So presumably some sort of radio competition. They've got a woman listening to Rolling in the deep for Adele tickets. So, presumably some sort of radio competition. They've got a woman listening to Rolling in the Deep for 75

hours straight. Holy shit. Did someone send us this? Yeah. Wow. 75 hours. She will spend from 4am until 7pm, Monday to Friday this week, listening to Adele's iconic hit over and over and over again until either the tickets are hers or she has some sort of Adele-induced aneurysm. She sits in a room for 15 hours a day with no I think that might have lasting damage.

Yeah, that sounds kind of borderline illegal. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about that. I guess if if you volunteer lots of stuff's legal you know yeah but you know there was radio radio competitions where it was like they'd see how much water people could drink oh the nintendo wii one and then they drown themselves oh no someone died because they like their bladder burst i think when they got an infection or something yeah um just goes goes to show, radio, not good. Podcasts, the way of the future. Here is a donation guy to us for a lot of money.

A lot. A Patrick King? Not quite a Patrick King. God, I forgot about that. Wasn't that amazing? I don't think we'll get many more donations. We don't need many more donations. In the unit of Patrick King.

Patrick King, man man What a legend This is from Jordan Bennett And I hope Jordan's okay with me saying his Or her name Jordan says Hey boys this may be a rather obscure amount But it should convert to 80 New Zealand dollars I sent a friendzone email as well

It's a long fanfic about getting sentimental Wonder if this got cut off. Hmm. Did we? Is the answer yes it got cut off? Did we? Oh. Oh, no, here it is.

Here it is. I found it. Okay. There's a little bit of girth on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bear with me. And firstly, Jordan, let me open by saying thank you so much for the donation it really helps us do what we do especially because audible have temporarily paused our contractual agreement so

if you are the owner of a company that wants to sponsor our podcast please let us know yeah um jordan writes at first glance of this email you'll see an ungodly long fanfic letter but no there are simply no holes in my storyline and it was as succinct as possible in telling the true conclusion to this movie. To entice the reading of this, I donated via PayPal $57.51 United States dollars. Slimy way to request something, I know. Hey, that's commerce, baby.

I'm all for it. We're a capitalist society. Lay it on me. Dear Timboy and Young Ward Boy Guy, since this is going to get lengthy, there's too many warnings. Just get into it, mate. Since this is going to get lengthy there's too many warnings just get into it mate since this is going to get lengthy i will try to save my sentiment for only james reed if you are able to discern the north midwestern american accent similar to canadian

please continue this letter in this that accent if you so wish uh that's more of a guy thing than a tim thing i'm not so good at the accents but i will try thank you i can say with certainty i know what it is inside the macbook pro box james reed has provided zikoli with an ordinary looking pregnancy test however the pregnancy test is not so ordinary in order to produce the results a button must be pressed. Upon receiving this cryptic gift, Ziccoli can only imagine Mr. Reed's intentions and how he obtained Somaly's urine. Okay. He picks up this foreign device and studies it, breathing through only his mouth, dumbfounded like a moron.

Then he presses the button, and it says, You are pregnant. All of those are spelt wrong, I'll just add. Ziccoli, being the dumb fuck boy he is decides to press the button again i'm gonna revert back to my normal voice it's too hard for me which changes the message to con congratulations spelt very wrong uh you done fucked up son nobody said james reed was smart zicoli now knows that james reed is on the power play and is fully aware of him fucking somali he is left to his thoughts to mitigate the situation

but is rendered hopeless fast forward to the not so climatic climax of the film zicoli is racking his brain to decipher what jimmy is up to uh in front of all those twerking and tweaking club zombies as the coley plays his shitty magnum opus, the mystery starts to unravel in his head. He realizes too late that when he controls the heart rate of every loser on that dance floor, he also loses the power to control his own. His song is so powerfully shitty

that everyone's heart rate, including his own, increases to a constant 128 BPM. James Reid had actually con-paged into designing the pregnancy test with the knowledge that he could produce a fusion and or fission reactor to sustain eternal life in this realm. With Page's unending scientific knowledge he programmed Somerly's heart rate to sync with Ziccoli's upon pressing that pregnancy test button twice. All has now become apparent to Ziccoli and he begins to cry appreciating the time and effort of course sentiment, it took to conspire this ruse.

He also inexplicably knows that pages rigged Somali's heart to explode when it reached the rate of 128 BPM. Conceding with Somali's death is the birth of his first most beautiful Ferris wheel operator that Earth has ever or will ever know. Zicoli decided to purposefully OD on PCP, then and there on the DJ podium. The couple that killed themselves atop that Las Vegas Ferris wheel were merely Zicoli 2.0 and SoMeBot. Good luck on your journey beyond this masochistic science project. I hope to join in the fun with Patreon.

I wrote this at work. Say my name, goddammit, if you please, or don't. It is your podcast. Much love, bennett thank you jordan bennett i like that you took a fan fiction uh you took creative liberties while still interweaving elements that we had introduced you're an insane person jordan that was that was madness that is insane but it's like that story could sit inside of the framework that we've created which is

an incredible amount of detail to execute I got one more Tim and then let's say we put a pin in this thing absolutely take us home country road

so this one starts with a message saying hi team I've emailed Tim's personal email perhaps my first mistake several times

with no response as well as meeting Guy oh I met you at the cricket it's Willy son of a bitch he's a comedian email perhaps my first mistake several times with no response as well as meeting guy mentioning oh i met you at the cricket it's willie son of a bitch he's a comedian he lives in berlin he was back in new zealand i think we spoke about him but i don't know that we actually ever read out the message so he's copy and pasted he might have my email wrong because i i'm pretty good i think at reading i'd like to copy paste my initial email to the two of you on here for it seems this is the only way to interact with those of us out there wanting to profess our love.

Here it comes. Hi, Spindly Wimbly Timbly. No. Hello. Hi, Spindly Wimbly Timbo. And Guy the Mountain Flash Montcomedy. First of all, thanks to both of you for descending into the deepest recesses of insanity for our amusement, your pillars of society and bloody good blokes.

I don't want to wank on you guys too much. Thank you. I don't want you to wank on me either. No, I do. Because I realise that receiving a novel may mean a message can be overlooked, but I really want this next part to be read. Wow.

That really hypes this next part up. It's an observation he made by himself. As I'm sure that both of you are, I'm someone who loves to make people laugh. I'd always been meaning to try stand-up and went to the Classic Affair, but for whatever reason, I never got on stage.

Now I live in Berlin, and after getting into the podcast a year or so ago, I started reading up more about you lads and I got inspired. Tim, I'm a big fan of yours. I do worry about how spindly you are, though.

Need some meat on them bones, brother, and I know you're a real pro and a pleasure to work with, but this is more so, this is directed more so at Guy. me as i said i live outside of nz now and reading about your life going to canada hitting every open mic i'm disconnecting my mic okay yeah please uh oh you got it where it hurts well and i love it uh as i said i live outside of new zealand now and reading about your life going to canada hitting every open mic you could and getting stage confidence then

coming back to new zealand and taking it by storm you co-host a channel win a billy 10 start a podcast that's allowed you to travel the world and get noticed by patrick schwarzenegger i'm struggling to hit as many open mics as you were not enough going around these parts but i love that i've started doing something i wanted to do for so long and please know that i started comedy because the both of you and your stupid decision you made 2.5 years ago guy i know you're traveling through europe at the moment god this one slipped through the cracks and if you happen to get to berlin i'd love to buy you a couple of brews same goes to you tim euro twio at tour what you're welcome to read this on the friends please make sure to hold back tears as i feel it would not do my message justice as i'm definitely not crying while writing this fucking chill out

thanks again you guys live your moment and here's a little gift ps team dick bot and can i have some more love for hip hiker on the friend zone i love that guy willie a lovely message uh i can imagine the struggle of doing comedy in berlin a country where the first language is, of course, German. But you've just got to keep gobbling them up. And if you want to do it more, then you've got to move to a city where you can do more and more. Fill your boots, mate. You're not going to do better than Berlin, though, in Germany.

Not in terms of lifestyle. Not in terms of standout. And also, Hip Hiker is Strain Cold. They're one in the same so we have given him some love on this friendzone already yeah you've really got it i think i'm just gonna check now if you go to his uh facebook and look up photos how do i find him oh if you find him on just follow him on instagram at um hip hiker but he's got on he shares the photo to the worst idea page if you look at thest Idea of all time photo albums,

you can see all of the artwork, which corresponds to the episodes for season three. Thank you so much, Willie. Sorry it took us so long to get to that message. I've got a feeling I've read an email from him before, man. Oh, you've got a bad attitude. Well, maybe he got me offside because he directed a whole message to you.

He called you a real pro to work with. Well, that he got me offside because he directed a whole message to you. He called you a real pro to work with. Wow, that's true. He knows how to win me over, but not enough, clearly. Because I'm still offside with Willie. Well, it was kind of like he gave you a handjob to get to the honey pit. The honey pit? Yeah, that happens a lot, actually. Because you'll get, with those honey pits pits a lot of security guards who patrol around.

And the real secret is to give Timbert a hand shandy and then they fall asleep quickly and you can get to the pit with honey. I've never heard a thing called a hand shandy. Look guys, this has already gone on too long. Thank you so much for listening. And he's not talking about the friend zone. He's talking about the podcast project. Yep. Whatever I'm talking about, it's ending eventually.

My website to get tickets for all the comedy festivals is timbat.co.nz. And bat has two Ts. Mine is guymontcomedy.com. Like Montgomery, only Gomery is comedy. Hey, and sorry this friend zone wasn't funny enough for you but um it's early in the morning I've been apologizing to

myself you made me a coffee I didn't think I don't know that you hadn't had one I've got gastro I've got to not spin that roulette wheel man I do myself a favor stick to the

waters yeah well we'll see you next time when we will have watched we are your friends again well it's the friend zone come to the friend Well, we'll see you next time when we will have watched We Are Your Friends again. Well, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy, come to the friend zone. And have a good time, yes, it's the friend zone.

With Tim and Guy, because making friends is the best idea of all time. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're thirsty for another, why not try... Bonus of the high. Oh, GK Lee's butt's got a tumblr yeah i was just about to send you a pic from it on the twitter it's a good butt isn't it it's a great butt full credit to the men's butt full credit it's so interesting how good a nice butt can be yeah and i and i say that from the position of somebody who does not have a good butt. So I don't hold it against other people.

But it is a real treat. I don't have a good butt either. When you see a good butt, it's like appreciating lovely art. It's like, what a beautiful thing. Congratulations. Do you know what it is? It's that I don't have a good butt, so I don't know what I'm missing until I see a good one.

And then I'm like, oh, okay. True. I understand. I 100% agree with you. That's exactly my feelings on it as well. Okay, maybe a couple more. A couple more. We just did Jean Wilder