The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Thirty Six

Episode Date: February 9, 2017

Your friends are separated by the Tasman and terrible audio quality! But don't worry about it because one ship that is unaffected by these challenges is FRIENDship! This was recorded at the immediate conclusion of Superbowl 51! So get ready for some instantly dated #SportsChat. Plus your usual assortment of wonderful letters, messages and online communique along with Batman questioning how to pronounce aluminum. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today. You ready? Okay let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands now playing. This is a Little Empire podcast. We're doing a mini festival with your favorite shows in Auckland, New Zealand on February 25th and 26th. Details and tickets are at littleempirepodcast.com slash live. Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone and have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy, because making friends is the best idea of all time. Hello and welcome to the friend zone with Tim and Guy from the worst idea of all time. I do not edit this shit and I refuse to edit it it sounds like you're recording it within a glass

sort of conical shape yeah it certainly sounds like you're some distance away and that there is a body of glass between us wow you don't know how right you are I've got there's a lot of things involved at the moment but I'm talking to you guy on an

iPod that was on top of a glass, but I'll remedy that because obviously it's not sounding good for you. You have hit the friend zone on Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl 51 has just concluded. A lot of ill feeling is in the air. Ill feeling for Timbo because I just ate a whole pizza by myself and the Cubs have caught up with me and I feel wretched Guy, your disappointment's a little more

sports motivated It certainly is, I gotta say you know, I really wanted the Falcons to win the Super Bowl and they didn't, but hey isn't that what being a sports fan is all about? Sometimes being satisfied and other times being crushingly disappointed and usually

the disappointment outweighs the satisfaction. Why do we do it? Who's to say? Why invest so much time and energy into something that you have no influence over? Why associate with a team who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, a city so far away I've never been before? These are the questions I've been confronting as I rode a train from central Perth to the beautiful abode I'm currently staying in, in West Leederville. That is a small suburb not too far out of the CBD of Perth, where I'm broadcasting to you live at the time right now.

Have you got a ground temp? Ground temp, I would say we're over 30. I am wet. I'm wet and I have neither showered nor been for a swim today, if that answers your question. If that paints a very vivid and damp picture for you. Yes, disgusting. For our American listeners, that's about 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

And it's probably not far off in New Zealand as well, celebrating its National Day, Waitangi Day. It is, I i reckon about 28 degrees out there guy should we jump into the mailbag yeah i think we surely should just by the way so everyone knows if you do hear the sweet sound of farmyard animals most specifically birds that's because i'm currently in the company of several ducks a few chooks, some red-tailed cockatoos, and whatever else happens to be passing by. I'm staying with some billets, the lovely Georgian peg,

and they own like a, sort of in the heart of Perth, or close to, sort of a quarter-acre farmyard-style block. It's very cool. I'll make sure to get some of it in my selfie for this episode of the friend zone i've never had a good um handle on the non-clementia associated with billeting are you the billet or are they the billet for having you i'm being billeted right uh so i guess they're my billets and you're the billety i'm the billeter i think it's a military term that's really appropriated for yeah people who aren't in the military like me a civilian hmm james i won't say

as like oh no the first thing he says is feel free to read my read my name out james roach says ayup boys from yorkshire england as an englishman i will often choose english uk over english us on many websites my question is therefore what do two kiwis choose uk or us english plus have you guys noticed how similar joel schumacher and akiva goldsmith sound to michael and patrick king ps could guy make Guy make sure Kane Williamson comes back to Yorkshire? Cheers, James. Do you have a preference in your American or British-flavoured English language? I certainly do. We are, first and foremost, a colony,

and therefore the version of the English language that was imposed on me from birth has been UK English. Yeah. Unnecessary, use, and all. Oh, get rid of them, eh? The funny thing is, oh no, I guess we do it in both directions, don't we? We add syllables and we add use. Yeah.

All over the shop. Something isn't fabulous in new zealand it's fabulous and um even though we spell aluminum this is so bad i always i screw up the kiwi pronunciation of that word every time i say i've been trying aluminium there you go i've been trying to like train myself into it recently because it's embarrassing that at almost age 30 i still don't know how to say it in my national dialect. Here's a note from Chris. Guy, are you listening?

Yeah, I'm listening. Sorry, the birds are just making themselves known. Are you hearing them? Yeah, I'm getting them loud and clear. Is that a duck? That's good. Yeah, yeah, that was a duck. Fabulous.

Head to donate after listening to episode 31. I don't know if it was the environment or what, but it's my absolute fave episode of the worst idea of all time, keep up the good work boys love listening to you each week thank you so much Chris, that's Chris, fuck it I'm going to say it, Chris Borrell who chucked us a cheeky tina on the paypal and I would like

to stop, sorry you say thank you first guy, I don't want to interrupt that I was going to say thanks to Chris, people have responded very positively to that episode of the podcast, I think. And, you know, I think it just goes some ways to mitigating what was quite a frustrating recording experience, as Tim and I were literally 30 centimetres from each other and yelling into each other's faces. yelling into each other's faces um i just wanted uh take a note to say to all of the people who have who have given us money um you've really changed the texture of what this whole project is in such a positive way um the first year you know this thing is sort of a reward unto itself

because the guy and i get to hang out we're doing something ridiculous and uh you know um obviously copped a little bit of attention in certain parts of the internet and around the world and we've got a bunch of people listening which is so wonderful but you get into that third go around and you think oh oh she's tough but um just the the vote of um support that you guys throw away in the in the method of monetary cash is so awesome and vindicating and it makes life better. So thank you so much to anyone who has given us any amount of money. Really, really appreciate it. It has not gone unnoticed. I've got a big old message for you here.

You interested? Yeah, maybe it can bring me out of my pizza slump. Okay. She's a biggin'. Should I get a glass? You know what? I'm going to get a glass of water. You go. While you're reading, I'm going to get a glass of water, but I'll be listening too. You'll be able to hear me? I've got a mobile

operation. Okay. Dear Friendly Tombit and Goy Montgomery. Like that? I'm writing in to thank you adorable boys for the content you've thrown onto the internet and all the wonderful laughs I've stolen from content. I started listening to the podcast around the start of season two after Tom ran a comedy workshop that I took part in. This workshop ended with Tom saying,

please listen to the podcast. We need to start making money off this. And like a good little boy, I did start listening and I loved it. When did you run a comedy workshop, Tom? i don't know maybe they've accidentally started listening to the wrong podcast and someone else was running a workshop now i must tell you boys that i'm sorry that i lied to you i did not write this message for the sole purpose of thanking you i have ulterior motives firstly i believe i'm owed compensation for all the free advertisement I've given you boys to all of my friends and family.

Hashtag pay the boy, singular, which is hugely problematic because it would suggest he likes one of us more than the other. This brings me to my second ulterior motive. Regarding the live show, I would love to give you boys an extra $15 and buy a $50 ticket,

but there's one issue. This is with reference to the podcast festival that you're setting up in Auckland City, New Zealand. Yes, this is the end of this month on February 25th and 6th. See you there, Auckland. I'm only 17 years young, and thus just too young to go to the after party. I was wondering if you could use those wonderfully imagined brains of yours

and imagine me a few months older. I'm pretty understand if you'll not partake in this tomfoolery. Either way, I look forward to seeing you fuckboys in the flesh again. Oh, boy. P.S. Feel free to read this message on the podcast and in the words of Beyonce, say my name. Also, sorry for this leviathan of a message. Leviathan. Leviathan.

Oh, wow. This 17-year-old boy has a better vocabulary than me. And accordingly, i will not read out your name because i refuse to acknowledge your intelligence it's probably a good idea too because if he does end up at that party we need as little evidence being online as possible that could get a lot of people in trouble so let me be the first to say you're definitely not coming to the party and maybe i'll talk to you offline as well this could be like the hat thing where i keep saying i'll sort it out and then it keeps going to the bottom of my to-do list tim and i are a seven and a half hour flight away and even i can see him

winking right now um but that's a that's a great message i've got no recollection of doing a comedy uh workshop it's not it's not to say it didn't happen i don't remember heaps of stuff that great initiative class comedians that runs during um oh yeah maybe that was you know through the new zealand comedy trust that that would be my guess danielle writes hello tim and guy it's bold a no funny name for us in that one it's actually quite a rarity when we just get a straightforward here are your christian given names it's quite a pressure yeah um danielle writes i'm a great appreciator of your podcast but i've never felt the need to drop you a line until now i have to thank you for revisiting sex in the city to ep 30 memory lane your rousing improvised scat intro to where's he going, what's he doing, etc.

was an aural affront which brought me well out of the dumps. It brought a happy tear to my eye and no doubt triggered tinnitus, but it was well worth it. What a beautiful manifestation of male friendship. Good luck with making it through the rest of Season 3. Hope to see you at the Melbourne Comedy Fest this year. Say my name if you wish. Cheers from D Zeta

from Melbourne town. D, we will be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Are we doing a show? We are, right? I think we've signed up for that. Oh, my girlfriend's back. Hey, Zoe.

Hi. How's it going? Hi, Zoe. She can't hear me. I think we put in to do it. I'll come give you a kiss in a bit. I'm doing a podcast. All right.

Sorry, Guy, you were saying? What a classy personal touch you provided to this episode of the friend zone. She's been out of town for days, mate. I haven't seen her. Or, as it may be in your instance, the more than friend zone. Eh? Eh? Nice.

I was in the friend zone and I got out of it quick smart don't get stuck in the quicksand you weren't in the friend zone you were in the flatmate zone you crazy cat let's not get into it we're doing a show in Melbourne aren't we? I know that we're both

individually doing shows and I'm over 50% confident we're doing a live podcast. I'm pretty sure we are too that's so bad we definitely should know whether or not that's the case honestly dude i'm just up to my eyeballs and stuff that i don't know about um okay oh boy d i reckon i reckon we are and as always um keep your eyes glued to the facebook page facebook.com slash worst idea of all time absolutely hey hey buddy i got a big message for you here you're gonna throw it at me yeah dear tim the cool man taylor yes and guys mo the semi-erect conquistador i mean your one i felt was much more obvious in its lineage i can't quite put my finger on what

makes me a semi-erect conquistador but that's not the handle there um the message continues just wanted to say how great it was to meet you both at now here this festival in anaheim this october so you boys in the hall the day before your show and you're as personable as friendly as i knew you'd be since you are indeed my friends the reason i'm writing you is that on my flight to Wow. to Ireland in quite literally forever. Alas, they were some of the largest and friendliest fellows I've come across in my travels without a doubt. Thanks for the hours of laughs and for all the great content you boys are a part of and feel free to use my name on the friend zone if this absurdly long message

somehow makes its way into its ether. Sincerely, Zach Coomer in Louisville, Kentucky. So Zach was going from Kentucky to the windy city of Chicago and encountered a New Zealand rugby team playing the Irish lads That is a truly international message It begs the question, what were the All Blacks

doing in Louisville? Well it sounds like he was on a plane in Chicago though, right? To Chicago Look, yeah, it's a fair was on a plane in Chicago though, right? To Chicago. Oh, yeah, fuck, I don't know. Look, yeah, it's a fair question. Maybe there was some connection. I don't know.

I'd like to think. They were enjoying some of that trademark southern hospitality. Maybe the ABs had run out of Red Bull to accompany their sleeping pills and had to, for some reason, go to Kentucky to pick up a bit more. That's right. That was our version of a sporting scandal scandal for those of you listening and curious is our professional athletes instead of taking illegal drugs sometimes when they want to go out for a night on the bash without putting any uh sort of toxins in their body they'll take prescription sleeping pills and have

a lot of energy drinks because i guess they saw the movie Role Models once and apparently that gives you quite a confusing and enjoyable rush of, I don't know, energy? My understanding is if you can stay awake past the bit where it's uncomfortable, you get quite a heady head of steam up on it. I see. Well, there you go. Actually, you know what? No, I'm not going to say that. I did it once. I just remembered. Several years ago.

How'd you go? After the news broke. I've got to tell you, Tim, I don't remember the last several hours of the night, and the reports back to me the next day were none too flattering. Well, you've become an unfortunate victim of gonzo journalism another fatality hey here's one without a message but Andrew thank you for the $10

your last name is hard to pronounce thank you indeed for the $10 here's one that isn't a long message and I don't even know if it is meant for public consumption but all it is is a message to the worst Facebook page saying, did I ever tell you serrations suck?

And then... What's a serration? Well, you know, like a serrated edge. Right, okay. So I wrote back saying anything with a serrated edge, and five minutes ago we got a message back saying, I can make an exception for bread knives and that is the extent of our correspondence with this person now we don't

get a lot of this but this is the kind of correspondence i quite like coming through non-sequiturs uh things that really don't connect with the subject matter at hand but just some some commentary and some questions about other things throw them them our way. I'd love to try and tackle them. That is good stuff. I'm actually just a few... This is slightly out of line, but I've just got up to a history of communication with this person. And the first thing that opened our correspondence with them

was a message from them saying, Miss Scoozy, just Scoozy, which one of you promised to bathe in the just Scoozy as punishment? I want to see it. You two are the Sasha Grave comedy. So... Those are high stakes. We need to stop making bets like that, don't we? Yeah. I don't know who Sasha Gray is either,

but I appreciate anyone reaching out to us in any form. So thank you very much, Anonymous Hunter. As soon as you said her name, I googled her and apparently she is a former pornographic actress who is now an actress, model, author and musician who was, I believe,

it said somewhere, entourage, maybe. Yeah. There you go. I guess if you think that we're multimedia sort of mavericks, then we are the Sasha Grave comedy, and I thank you.

Duncan has sent us a message with an accompanying image. It's in black and white, and it is an old pic of Destiny's Child with the words, Say My Name, and bold text over the top of it. So, Duncan Eason, you got it. Dearest Guybly, Wybly, and Tim Tim, I have a weird job in which I do math and listen to your ramblings concurrently.

They seem to use different parts of my brain. As I write this, I'm listening to season two for the third time, Jesus, having started it today on Tuesday. I just got to the fucking five-hour episode again. Yes, that is 40 episodes in four days. And I can't believe you ridiculous fellow Kiwis did that. You are idiots.

It's been more than a little weird, compressing 40 hours a week of your descents into madness into four days. Excuse me. I think I've gone a little mad myself. And so I have given you 20 US dollars. Buy some Lion Brown or something. Oh yeah, the good stuff. Loving the new season.

Keep it up etc dr duncan eason i'm actually not joking i think on the doctor bit ps even though i live in the same country as you i actually found out about this from your spontaneanation appearance you should thank that paul too i thank my lucky pauls every night before I go to sleep. I say thank you to Paul Scheer and I say thank you to Paul F. Tompkins. I look up at the stars and I appreciate them every single night without fail. I say thank you to Paul

McGregor who was with me from year one all the way through to year 13. A guy who I've lost contact with. Always got along just fine. He was very intelligent. His father was a terrifying South African dentist. And his older brother was a prefect

and a stickler for the rules. Paul, I love you. Arthur, I do not forgive you for the way you treated me in high school. Do they play some pretty mean football in that family? They good rugby boys? No. Paul was a hockey player, I believe.

And he was no slouch on the violin either this one comes from thomas who writes tim berland and notorious gui just just before you get into that guy because you really took us on a tangent there i just do want to acknowledge dr duncan and say thank you very much for the for the lion brown money're a legend. Yeah, and congratulations on being able to write a message while listening to a podcast. I was actually trying to write, do some work this morning while watching the Super Bowl, and

let me tell you, those two parts of my brain cannot work concurrently at all. Onward. As we were, Tim Berland and Notorious GUI, I failed you, you good, brilliant boys. I promised you I'd keep up and watch the Citizen Kane of our time with you week in, week out. But it didn't happen. Oh, this person.

This person. This is only the 19th time I've seen it, and I'm pretty sure it could be the last. I'm a fan of Zicoli and all his endeavours but this is not one of them yes I continue to applaud you putting yourself through this and hope that the donation

I sent makes up for breaking my promise you provide me with laughs aplenty while I drive around all day that's my job and I can't wait for you to cripple the clear demand

and provide us with a fourth season sorry to beg like a side room DJ at a valley nightclub but a shout out on the friendzone would fill me with the joy

of a thousand summerfest gyrating twins. Say my name too, with whatever accent takes you, I love you boys, X. P.S. A Concrete and Diamonds t-shirt would be purchased by myself, and not just for me, but for all my mates too. From Thomas Beverly Andrews. Wow, just like the Where's My Five Hundo bro, we are fast heading into a zone where we can't imagine life

outside of the podcast. So I don't know if that means we're staying in it or we're going to leave it and never return, but either way, it's not good for our mental health. So just, you know, respect the process. The process is this is our last season, just to be clear with you, Tim. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, we do need to recognize the conditions that i'm sorry i have set on that which is also um if there's another grown-ups movie

i've at the minimum committed myself to that and i'm pretty sure i've got you on the record as agreeing with me on the sex in the city one because it seems so unlikely like what i will say to you is this tim if either of those movies are released you and i are going to sit in a room and we're either gonna i don't know we're either never going to come out of that room or we are going to come out of that room and pursue. We're going to chase greatness, I guess. But when you say we're not coming out, do you mean that in more of a metaphorical sense, like how some people never came back from Woodstock? You know what I mean? Mentally, spiritually.

I don't know what I mean by it. I just mean that we'll go into a room and either by agreeing or disagreeing with each other, a decision will be reached that means that we will no longer be emotionally or mentally available to anyone else. We're speaking in riddles. Here's a message from Michael. Michael writes, Dear Tambit and Moi Gonk Gomery. That's good Spoonerisms there. So many nicknames.

Greetings from the great city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, home of the cheesesteak. As tasty as it sounds, if you've never had one. I went without my daily dosage of this regional delicacy, and through you boys, the fliff necessary to procure one. That is a term for money I've never heard before, F-L-I-F-F. Enjoy all the Kiwi food $10 US will afford you, and thank you for the great shows and buckets of laughs. Your friend, Michael Pangrazy. Thank you for the pronunciation guides as well people when you put it in

brackets like that it's super helpful ps it's perfectly fine if you've already read my name live every moment is the yolo of this podcast l-e-m-l-o-d should catch on quickly. Oh yeah, right. Limlod. That's live every moment, love every day. No, it isn't. Where's the O coming from? I don't know. PPS, don't eat cheesesteaks on the rig. I plan to live past 35. Okay.

Michael from the city of brotherly love. Thank you very much for that. Have you had a Philly cheesesteak before? I have not. Thank you very much for that. Have you had a Philly cheesesteak before? I have not. Have you? No. I watched some It's Always Sunny on the plane ride over here, and I've got to tell you, that show makes me laugh mostly, but I also want to go to Philadelphia.

It makes you want to go or not go? It makes me want to go. Not that I think that's the point of it but i just you know you watch the show that's set in a city long enough you inevitably wind up wanting to go to that city it's true i'm still trying to get to the island from lost this message comes from a person which says love the show i've listened to all three seasons one problem oh this is like a troubleshooting question. If I pause, try to fast forward, get a phone call,

the episode goes back to the very beginning. This makes it almost impossible to listen to the whole episode. There's no way you can hold us accountable for that. That is definitely something to do with the ad. At the end of it, there's also a confession that they listen to Boners of the Heart. So you're on your own there, but you've got good taste. You just need a good podcasting app as well. I will move on from that message immediately.

Was there any indication whether it was an iPhone or something else? No, it was a very mysterious message. I wish you the best of luck, but it's something we cannot help with. I'm sorry. This is a good one. Boys love the podcast, but my question has nothing to do with it. And as nice a way as possible, and without sounding like a serial killer you guys have great skin do you have a skincare regime always been gifted with a great complexion love to hear what's the haps vis-a-vis the old face

skin situation live every moment love every day and be good boys what a charming uh correspondent writer the answer is um absolutely not um i had uh a lot of acne as a teenager i think it's just because i've been drinking less that my um skeleton protector has started to level out a little bit more in my older age. Just calm down with the booze. Yeah, it's a pretty good strategy, I say, as I sip a cold beer. What about you, Guy? You always had good skin? I had bad skin as a teen.

I went on a very powerful drug called Roaccutane. That stuff really wreaks havoc with your liver yeah so I've heard I think I remember

actually I don't know if when you took it it was called Roaccutane or something else

but there were friends who took it when it was Roaccutane and then because of the ramifications

it had on people's bodies they changed the name to a different thing and I took the one

that was the same but with a different name and it's been good they changed the name to a different thing. And I took the one that was the same but with a different name. And it's been good since then. I try to moisturize regularly, but no, the other thing that you might be seeing is the excellent use of filters provided by different cell phones

and applications on said cell phones. They just build them in these days as well. You've got no control over them. They just do it. That wizardry is all behind it. It's a very nice thing for you to say, but I think our skin's fine now, Guy. I wouldn't say that other of us have exceptional skin.

I'd say you've got better skin than me if it's going to come down to that. It doesn't need to. I think the photos are being pretty kind. All of that to say, slow down on the drinking get some sunshine that's the other thing it's summer here at the moment so we're outside a lot we're at the beach we're getting a bit of sun which always helps and just um you know work with what you got i guess sorry i can't be more helpful with the skincare regime question though jared callie and i love this because we haven't had one of these for a while but gave us a buck just to write us a message which is excellent jared says dear tim

curry and guy fury i found your delightful podcast last year and have been a huge fan ever since i'm throwing you both a bone today because of my job i work in the health food supermarkets dairy department on the average day i'll throw my hood on to see what's in Mr. Big's big book of ideas. Oh, I get it, he's wearing a hoodie, so it's like to hide the headphones. What coffee guy is up to and what hat he is wearing. Or simply to get sentimental with James Reid of the feelers. On extraordinarily shitty days,

when a customer chews me out because of the price of salary without 25 cents a pound, acting like I have a monopoly on the salary growth in the southwest US even though I don't even fucking work in produce. I throw on the five-hour energy episode to remind myself things could be much worse. I wish I could hashtag pay the boys more, but I'm a broke college kid who can't even afford the food at the health food market he works at. Kia kaha, boys. Kia fucking kaha.

JJ Kelly. That message was so good I think it even got a rise out of Zoe sitting in on this god I always thought kids in school I'm sure I've talked about this before anyone in school who had the nickname JJ I was like oh you are so cool yeah fuck yeah it's a weird one. I got one for you. I got one for you, bud. Thanks, JJ. I hope the fresh food market treats you well.

Hey, boys. Just wanted to update you on a recent find I came across while sifting through the new shows on Viceland. Or Viceland. Hamilton Morris, open parenthesis, chemist, TV personality, reporter for Vice and son of famous documentarian Errol Morris, closed parenthesis, hosts an excellent and terrifying episode of his show Hamilton's Pharmasopia Surrounding PCP, titled A Positive PCP Story. Hamilton traces the history and production of PCP across the US from its first synthesis to its contemporary rep as a cannibalism-inducing psychoactive of death and destruction. Whoa, shit. Open parenthesis, who knows what James Reid has in that little MacBook Pro of his?

Close parenthesis. Keep up the good work, and here's to hoping for a pc prawn salad app soon oh god he sent us a link um to the documentary um firstly i'm absolutely going to watch that documentary i have never seen a um i haven't even heard of Hamilton Morris before, but Errol Morris has made a number of excellent films, not least of which Fog of War, in which there's a sit-down extended chat with former Secretary of Defence Robert McNamara, who was in charge for much of the US's ill-fated venture in Vietnam.

It's a bloody good watch, and all Americans should view it immediately. And then he did another one more recently with someone that i can't remember what it was but so you're telling us to do pcp after announcing that a member of the wu-tang clan cut his own balls off after having quite a happy trip like that i feel like tim you're focusing on the wrong part of that story which was he enjoyed a cartoonish version of reality while walking through the street. This is like saying you were having a pleasant drive before you ploughed into the back of a truck and lost an arm,

but the focus on being on the pleasant drive. Yeah, it's all about the way you look at memories. If you remember the pleasant drive prior to the ploughing into the back of the truck, you're probably going to have a bed-night sleep. I can't argue with that because I won't. But those were hot tips. That's a hot doco tip.

I've got just two messages left, guys. Should I try and get through them? Yeah, yeah, I've got one message left. So just, you know, there's no rush. Oh, great. We've got a little sandwich then. Someone calling themselves Eddie Spaghetti has written to us saying, Dear Tombola and to lose a guy in 10 days first time first oh long time first time

oh oh yeah no this one's a new one uh i was compelled to write to you after hearing your most recent viewing of maximum joseph's cry for help we are your friends i've listened to every episode of your tour de force in many cases twice But your most recent output was so special so next level so extraordinary that I thought it was time I thought now was the time to put finger to email as An early 30s male you summed up my awkwardness disdain But also love for the days of the club haven't we all been that poor guy holding on to the bar for dear life My wife is pregnant with our first child a boy. I gather he can hear sounds now, so I'd love for him to hear a shout out

from your wonderful selves in those Kiwi tones we know and love. I'm not telling you how to do your job, but there are some potential things to say to him. At a rate of knots, every kiss is a gift. You're a real piece of shit, Guy Montgomery. And lastly, friend of the podcast rose matafayo

he's in deep those are all great sentences i need to start hashtag paying the boys because you truly are outstanding gentleman whose banter keeps me smiling you've got a person on the way you gotta keep you gotta keep your shit on lockdown. Yeah, that's absolutely true. Thank you for the laughs, tears, and much more. Say my name, say my name. If no one is around you, say, baby, I love you. M-Tang, Great Britain. Great message from Great Britain.

Do you want to have a run at a couple of those catchphrases, Guy? Yeah, certainly. I do believe. In fact, I haven't given anyone who listens to the friendzone a gift for a while and it is still the new year I'm making a deep run this year my

previous record was April I'm going for May so happy new year to one and all for a kiss is always a gift I got a message here and let me take the opportunity to say you're a real piece of shit, Guy Montgomery. Incorrect.

G'day, Timbo, John and Guyman2000. Last year at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, you all let me into your friend zone and we definitely did nothing illegal. Wow. Anyhow, after that I accepted a beer and ate your chips across the road. I can't so much donate money to hashtag paytheboys right now,

but I'll be in Auckland for the cricket this weekend. That was the weekend just been. If I find you all, I'll repay that shit at a bar or the cricket. Otherwise, this year's MICF, I'm going to buy the boys some chips and beers because it's only fair. Thanks for the good times. I'll spare you both a gift when I see you next because a kiss is always a winner.

Did I get that right? I promise I know what's up. Also, bring in Aaron Gox to your shows during Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Love, love, love. Thank you very much, Brad. Brad, good to hear from you, buddy. If anyone ever wants to help us out

and they're in an area where we're doing stand-up comedy, I cannot put into words how helpful it is for you to come to our shows or even just instruct other people to do so if you can't yourself. That is 100% correct. A tweet, a Facebook, a text massage, whatever you choose to use to communicate to people.

Every night you're going out there not knowing if people are going to be in the room with you. And I tell you what, stand-up comedy is an incredibly sad pursuit when no one's there to absorb it. All true information. Good on you, Brad. Hope the cricket was good. Was it good, Guy?

It was so good. I assume he was supporting Australia. But either way, it was a gripping match that fans of both teams would have enjoyed from start to finish. Good, good, good. I really like sports, you do you're a sports guy never really occurred to me until just now uh all right tim do you want to bring it home oh yes of course uh pretty sure i haven't read this one before but it's a little bit older dear tim timony tim timony tim tim taru and super guy fragilistic montgomery aledosius Pretty sure I haven't read this one before, but it's a little bit older. Dear Tim Timity, Tim Timity, Tim Tim Taru,

and Superguy, Fragilistic Montgomery, Aledotius. Huge Mary Poppins fan on the line. Yeah. McCall Branson here from Rayleigh, North Carolina. Feel free to use my full name. Is this the one that drew us into the whole how to pronounce Rayleigh thing? Oh, maybe it's the response to that. Anyway.

You've already read the first half of my previous email when one friend's owner said my name in full in another. Just wanted to chime in. So this is like number three. All right, McCall. Good God. I just wanted to chime in with a few more fun facts about my home state, otherwise known as the Old North State.

I assure these facts are much more fun than the fact that our state legislative districts were ruled unconstitutional by federal court for being, and I quote, drawn with surgical precision to disenfranchise minority voters. That fact isn't very fun at all. But these ones are, number one, the state motto of North Carolina is, which I'm sure I'm pronouncing wrong, which is Latin for to be rather than to seem. So that's why our fairly uneducated officials endeavor so fervently to not just seem like bigoted crackpots, but rather to be bigoted crackpots. I'm going to take a pause here, Guy. It's Tim here.

Hi. Hi. Hi, Tim. McCall keeps just lobbing these highly political bombs into the friend zone, which I'm sort of into personally, but I'm just not sure if it's matching the tone of hanging out with a bunch of chucks in Perth and celebrating the great friendship we have with our fans across the world, you know?

It's certainly, I don't know if much needed is the right turn of phrase, but it's a jolt, isn't it? It's a change in pace. Yeah, so I should keep going? Is that what you're, but it's a jolt, isn't it? It's a change in pace. Yeah. So I should keep going? Is that what you're saying? There's nothing for it, Tim. It's the last message of the episode.

If people don't want to get involved in the muck and the mire, they can tune out right now. If you choose to do that and you are in Perth, please come and see my show. Details to follow. Fact two,

our state bird is the cardinal. The male cardinal is bright red and prone to loud mating displays, much like many members of our state house. Number three, our state folk dance the cardinal. The male cardinal is bright red and prone to loud mating displays, much like many members of our state house. Number three, our state folk dance is clogging, no doubt to evoke the image and spell of a property block toilet to remind everyone of everything the legislature is doing to benefit our lives, including their apparent obsession with the bathroom habits of their constituents.

Number four, our state hearing festival is the hearing festival held in the town of Jamesville. That's a thing for some reason. Hearing spelt H-E-R-R-I-N-G like the fish. Wait, fish or bird? Bird. Maybe both. Fact five,

and finally, our state marsupial is the Virginia opossum because there is literally no other marsupial in North America. Anyway, hope you enjoyed these facts and they met your standard for fun. Keep up the good work, boys.

I hope to scrape together enough of my meagre earnings as a fabric cutter in a denim workshop to finally hashtag pay the boys. Cheers. McCall Branson. Proud Tahil. A nickname for North Carolinians that I promise is not as racist as it sounds. Oh yeah, I can see how you get that. Didn't cross my mind until you said that. But McCall, good to hear from you again. Great fact about there being one marsupial in North America, the Virginia opossum. It certainly was.

And Tim, let me tell you, this is as good a time as any to end the podcast as one of my gracious hosts has sort of expressed physically rather than with words an interest in entering the current area that I am

and immediately retreated upon seeing me with a microphone and hand and headphones in ears so I would like to

free up the space for them I would also like to encourage up the space yes for them i'd also like to encourage anyone who lives in perth or knows anyone in perth to come along to see my show let's all get in a room together starting tomorrow on tuesday the 7th of february and running until saturday the 11th of february it's at 6 40 p. Noodle Palace. If you want information, head on to guymontcomedy.com and it's all underneath the shows tab. Great. That's us. Mate, thanks for joining me.

I look forward to watching the movie with you at some point soon. Obviously, we'll be doing a trans-Tansman watch and the sound quality will be better than me recording on a cell phone and you on a... Oh, no, yours will be about the same but yours is pretty good so good to hear from you mate i'm sorry about the super bowl loss that's okay don't say sorry to me say sorry to the people of atlanta who actually have enjoyed a cultural renaissance while still struggling uh as you know the also rands of the sports world god i just feel bad for matt ryan

see ya bye so rands of the sports world. God, I just feel bad for Matt Ryan. See ya. Bye. Well, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy. Come to the friend zone. And have a good time. Yes, it's the friend zone. With Tim and Guy.

Because making friends is the best idea of all time. Thanks for listening to this podcast. If you're in New Zealand, come join us for the Little Empire Mini Festival on February 25th and 26th in Auckland. All your favourite shows will be there, including The Worst Idea of All Time, The Male Gaze, The Walkout Boys and Bonus of the Heart. Details and tickets at littleempirepodcast.com slash live.

Today. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. slash live.