The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Three

Episode Date: February 29, 2016

Guy and Tim share are in NYC! The pair share their epic travelling tales in this mini episode and shower their appreciation on all the contributors to the show. Thank you one and all! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to the friendzone. Which number are we up to with these, GuyGuy? This is the third time we've been on the record as friends, Tim. And probably not the last. It's commitment. Commitment to friendship. That's what we're all about. We're coming to you, I always want to say live and it never is because it's a podcast. We're coming to you recorded from New York City. Live. At the time. On Saturday night. It's New York. No, wait. It's backwards.

It's not Saturday either. Guys, we've had such a thrilling adventure. Pre-recorded on a Monday morning in New York City. It's the Friend Zone. So, if you were hoping to hear us talk about watching Sex and the City 2, piss off. Download another podcast. That's not available on this one.

That's not what this one's all about Good disclosure guy I'm glad you pointed that out Just bring it up up front Because you don't want someone sitting around For what 10-15 minutes going When are they going to talk about it We've already got you download too This is what I love about that little scam

It's a binary thing It's a one or a zero you know I can't tell if you listened to 5 minutes and skipped off It's a Ponzi Hey guys We you know I can't tell if you listened to five minutes and skipped off It's a Ponzi Hey guys, we want to tell you a short tale Of how little old Timbo and Guy Guy Came from New Zealand To this land of opportunity and freedom

Just deal with it, man Guy Guy's a good name and it's really starting to catch on I don't think it is We left New Zealand a while ago now It feels like maybe 10 days or so and uh we got to the airport bright and early about 20 to 6 from memory and am the first thing that happened is they said gentlemen your plane is two hours late and we said, you know, frustrating, yes. Okay, also yes, that's fine. The only thing is we do have a connecting flight to Los Angeles, California.

Through Sydney. Through Sydney. Is there any way you could rearrange that? And the lady said, yes. But of course, gentlemen. But of course, gentlemen, we are Qantas. We are a professional airline. This is what we do.

This is, you know, we deal with this every day. So then we got on said two hour delayed plane well no no before that she said this is the flight that you will be booked on from sydney to los angeles now and we said that flight looks very early like the plane that we're traveling to sydney on will need to set a land speed record an air speed record sorry if we are to catch that flight and she said yeah i know but i know what i'm doing gentlemen i work here do you work here i don't think you work here yeah and we said no you're right we don't work here and she said and even even in the unlikely scenario this plane doesn't set an air speed record and you can't board this connecting flight the good news is at Qantas the airline that I work

for we have all sorts of flights going from Sydney to Los Angeles it's insane and we have to put you on one it's incumbent on us to make sure that you get on that flight at this point we did not push back what are we like that's fine that's great that's groovy let's go to America we said so we jumped on the plane and we got on there and then we got down to Sydney and lo and behold that flight that we thought was impossible to catch was impossible to catch. It had, I think, already left by the time we touched down. Absolutely.

It had left by about half an hour. So we get there and they're like, gentlemen, please come with us. Yeah, we got our names read out on the whole plane. They said, would passengers Batten Montgomery please report to the customer service desk at the end of the airway? And we said normally I don't respond to anything other than Timbo and Guy Guy when I'm traveling with my companion but

this time I'll make an exception so we went with them and they said bad news you've missed that flight good news let's let's fix it up right now for you let's get you on another flight we said cool and they said hey here's something there's no more flights today going to Los Angeles. And we said, that seems unlikely. And they said, well, look, do you work at Qantas? And we said, no. They said, do I work at Qantas? And we said, I don't know.

I hope so. And they said, they tapped the name badge. Maureen. Maureen said, this is a Qantas name badge. Read it and weep. And so then she said, do you know what i'm gonna do for you gentlemen today is i'm gonna put you on a flight to san francisco it's not los angeles but it's close by and then that will connect back up to la and we said that's not perfect but it's okay it's at least

okay and she said okay well if you just give me a moment i'll sort out all of this booking and you'll be up and running and away and laughing. And then we went, and we sat down, and we had a coffee, and then we came back up to the desk, and she said, gentlemen, something's gone awry. I've booked you on a flight that goes to New York City. Yeah. She said, the flight to San Francisco, all good.

But someone along the line, here at Qantas, this professional airline, running a very tight ship, has booked the connecting flight all the way to New York City, but you don't want to go to New York City yet. You're not ready for that. Which we replied, correct. That's why we never told you to send us to New York City. She said, well, if you could just go away and sit down, please.

Could you please just go and sit down and stop watching me while I work? And we said, certainly, Maureen. We apologize for standing here while you work. And we went away and sat down, and we came back 10 minutes later, and she said, gentlemen, I have some news. The plane that was set to fly to San Francisco this very day, that's not a plane you want to fly on. That plane's not looking so crash hot.

Our engineers have just got back to us, and that plane is essentially the world's heaviest paperweight right now. She's not fit to fly. And we said, okay, well, that's an interesting development. What can you do for us? And she said, good news! Good news, ye

gentlemen. The plane I can put you on will fly from Sydney to Dallas. What she failed to mention is that it's the longest possible commercial flight you can go on as a passenger on the planet. In fact, she billed it as quite convenient

because then we'd only be in Dallas airport for three to four hours before connecting to our flight to Los Angeles. And we said, okay, Maureen, it's not perfect, but I understand you're under duress. We're under duress too. We'll just make it work. So we've already been delayed in Sydney

for a couple hours uh we've been delayed for a couple hours at the top we're now going to dallas which is a 15 hour flight and so that's a pretty juicy nugget then we get down we touch down uh at the airport there what is it called again fort worth fort worth texas and we go to the information desk and we say hey we would love to see some of your beautiful city what are the chances of a couple of fellas like us getting out there for a few hours and then coming back? And they said, whoa, no, you don't want to do that. You will not get back to the airport in time.

And we said, well, we do want to see Dallas, but we do want to get to Los Angeles. So instead, why don't we sit in the airport and watch Sex and the City 2? One of my favorite ways to while away the hours. And that is the episode that you just heard The last one And it was very sad It made me sad

So we landed Because I've always wanted to go to Texas I always wanted to see the cowboys and the big steaks and the guns Not this time And the cool hats But it wasn't for us this time So we land in Los Angeles It is now sort of 9.30, 10 p.m.

And we go to luggage carousel number four, and we stand there, and we watch as the bags come falling, tumbling down, tumbling down onto the carousel, and they go round and round. And we watch as every other passenger on a flight from Dallas-Fort Worth to LAX collects their bag and leaves the airport. And we think, this is getting a little bit weird because our bags were on that flight. We were on little bit weird because our bags were on that flight. We were on that flight and our bags were on that flight

as far as we know. And after about 40 minutes, when we're the only ones left standing there, Tim says, and we are unsurprisingly a touch exhausted at this point. We're probably not making the best decisions possible. I think we're probably, like we had left time about 30 hours ago or something.

More. Something similar to that. Yeah, probably was more. So I said, I'm going to go to baggage claim, find out what the situation is here. Oh, God, don't worry, Timbo's on the case. You did. You said it exactly like that. And so I rocked up there, and I was in a line for an awfully long amount of time, befriended some locals, had a good chit-chat to a nice lady.

Good on you. In the queue. And she was pissed off as well i think everyone in that queue really has a reason to be angry tough job tough job working the baggage desk eventually i come to the front of the line and i say hello i am looking for my luggage i don't know where it is and they say give me your tags please please. And I do. And she says, can you describe the luggage? And I did. And she said, oh, it's just over here. Oh, that luggage.

That luggage you've been waiting for for 45 minutes. Yeah, I don't know why you were waiting for it so long. It's been here the whole time. In fact, you know what we did with that luggage? We put it on a plane that was flying, you know, earlier than the one you caught from Dallas to LA. We didn't think to either put you on the flight or tell you that we did that with your luggage. It's just what we do here.

So at that point, we grab our luggage. We walk out of LAX by some metric defeated, but by other metrics victorious because we are now in Los Angeles. We've done it. Time to go collect our rental car and rest our weary heads ready for an exciting adventure in LA.

But unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, that was not to be in the immediate future. For the time that we had sorted our bags, got the luggage, got out of LAX, we're now, we're steering down the barrel of about half past 12 at night, local time. So our rental car company has closed for the day. They've gone home to rest their weary heads.

And, you know, fair enough too. You've got to get your sleep. LA is a busy town. You've got to be well rested. You've got to stay on top of things. It's not good for us, but it's good for them. We go to Avis. Avis quote us a rental car for the week at $500 American dollars.

And we said, Avis, I want to be honest with you. We feel like we can do better that's pretty expensive it's quite a lot for the kind of car we're after which is your shittest car and i said can we please have one of your shittest cars for a few days and then the lady said okay well look now there's a guy i know a guy he uh he's about 15 minutes from here i'm gonna call him up i'm gonna get him over here his name's bruce name's Bruce. Bruce is a good guy. Bruce is going to come and pick you up. He's got a great deal for you.

It's going to be $295 for everything. And we said, that is cheaper. We'll do that. And then she leaves. She goes on her lunch break at midnight. And we just stand in an Avis by ourselves for 15 minutes. And then Bruce shows up. And Bruce is a good guy.

He's not in a rush, but he's a good guy. And drive to bruce's lot and we get a toyota corolla and it is in very good condition it's 2016 i i hasten to add i actually did think we were getting kidnapped at one point during that uh there was a drive there was a moment when we were half an hour yeah quite a long way from avis and lax and we were just in a car with a guy called bruce yeah so we sort all that out and we think well we'd better get to the airbnb post haste otherwise god forbid you know we don't want to put our host brian out we'd hate to put brian out so we get to the airbnb and we uh we do as he says which is to uh dial up apartment number 317 and we dial up 317 and there's no response and i

think well that's not good that's not perfect but i'll tell you what i'll give brian a text i'll give brian a call we give brian a text we give brian a call brian doesn't appear to be receiving the texts or the calls and we think ourselves okay let's regroup for a second here it's late it's been a big day a big. Let's get some food in our tums. It's about three days. I think it's about two or three days the day is. So we go. The day is multiple days.

We go to Mel's Diner. Fantastic place. Late night joint. I order an omelette. Tim orders a burger. And we're sitting there. And Brian's not getting back to us and we're thinking well, this is getting a little dire. So Tim, always one to take control, gets out his iPhone, downloads an app called Booking,

which facilitates cheap hotel bookings. You know, your last minute kind of stuff. Those sorts of accommodation situations where it's like, hey, guess what, we've got a hotel room available. You've got a situation where you need to rest your weary head somewhere let's get together and cut price and so that's what i did so i added my little credit card into there i found us a beautiful beautiful little hotel and uh pushed pushed in pushed in the buttons pushed in the buttons and solidified a little purchase and it was quite a lot of money um quite a lot. But I thought, you know what?

We need to end this. We need to pull the ripcord on the night, and we need to solve this. And not 30 seconds after I had confirmed the purchase did I figure out, ah, yes, absolutely, that is true. I have booked the wrong day. It had defaulted to a 3 p.m. check-in time that day, of which we were at the very beginning of in the

middle of the night uh and it was not going to work yeah the good thing about third-party apps is you can't get that money back and by good guy means terrible so at that point i'm at mal's i'm on my phone i'm trying to figure out how to get this transaction cancelled and the only thing i can think to do is ring the bank cancel the credit credit card. I do in the nick of time. And that's that problem solved. That's right. So that's all our problem solved. In the meantime, I had called a hotel and said, look, I don't like these third-party booking apps.

I'm coming to stay here. I'm going to pay you the appropriate amount of money. And they said, okay, that's actually fine. So it's about 1 o'clock now, but we've resolved 1.32. God, I actually don't know, but we've resolved the issue. We've got a place to stay. We go to the hotel. We pay the bill.

We're pretty much like Joseph and Mary at this point. We're just looking for any kind of manger situation, anything with a roof. We had picked up a baby along the way also. And some donkeys were just sniffing around our room as well. So we get into the hotel room, exhausted, but not defeated, not triumphant. I wouldn't use that word to describe our travels.

At least a 40-hour journey from woe to go, from waking up to being able to lie down the next time. And before we rest our weary heads, Tim, you said to me, Guy, I've got some emails I've got to send. They're important. They're business emails. I've got to get to these emails. I've got to tuck into a couple, they're business emails I've got to get to these emails

I've got to tuck into a couple emails and then I'll be able to sleep And that'll be fine And then I open up my bag And yes, that's right That's right I have left my laptop on the plane But we're here now It was a good time

We're here now and it's fine It's so good being. We're here now and it's fine. Hell of a journey. It's so good being here. I love this country. Los Angeles was great. New York City is great. Yesterday, facilitated by Gillian Anthony from Time Out New York City, we went on a fantastic Sex and the City tour of New York.

Yeah, it was so fun, you guys. You've got to do it if you're here. It's a little pricey. Yeah. I'll tell you that. But it's a great way to see the city, even divorced from the series, because I'll give you a little hot tip here.

I haven't seen the series or the first movie. I haven't seen a lot of the series. I haven't seen really any. None of it was in my memory, but we're driving around, and there's this great tour guide called Elise. We should get her last name. I'll get it.

And she was very funny and she had the right amount of cynicism for her job because you would go insane. You're saying the same thing to a different group of people every day. And we had a really good time and what they do is she'll describe a place and it's rolling sex in the city

and sometimes in the city in the broadest sense of New York. And then she'd play down a clip that was set there. So you were sort of watching, you were matching up the real life location with the scenes from the TV show. And the TV show looked funny and fun and very different from what we've been watching. Yeah. It looked like it was pushing boundaries and making good jokes and excellent character

decisions. Super divorced. We got to go. My girlfriend and I ate a cupcake from Magnolia Bakery, like a couple of ballers. Nice one. We hung out on the front stoop of Carrie Bradshaw's Brownstone apartment. We had some Cosmos at the bar that Stephen Aydin owned in the TV series.

Nice one. We even saw the cafe or the facade of a building. We are in a little known man by the name of Coffee Guy is known to pound Java by the kilo. It's not a real cafe. It's not. And we, I'm so sorry to say this,

to report this to you guys, but we don't even get to set foot in it. We will though. We will. We're going to try again. The bus sailed right past it. So what is it? I think it was a gallery maybe.

Something. Something weird. Elise is Elise spelt with an E. Brandu. Elise Brandu. She did a fucking fantastic job. Shit, she's good. She's very good at her job.

It was a really good time and it was very interesting to see the diehard fans that the show has. Yeah, that's true. That is a surprisingly high hit rate for locations from Sex and the City 2. I was very happy with that. Yeah. There was a good amount of locales from there.

And also, hey, Cosmos are pretty delicious. Not a bad drink. I didn't know that. You can see why they took off. Pretty good. It was a good, the whole thing was, it was long. It was three and a half hours. It was too long.

I got real sleepy by the end of it. I don't know what that was about. You're on a bus. You're looking at a screen. It was quite exhausting, to be honest. The most hilarious bit for me, though, was right at the top. You've got Stanford gives you a little video introduction to the tour. And holy shit, he was phoning it in.

I think possibly literally, because it looked like his little intro was filmed on a phone. Yeah. It was pretty funny. Apart from that, though, top-notch entertainment. It was a hell of a time. And after that, we immediately came back to our apartment here in Williamsburg and watched Sex and the City 2

for the 51st and penultimate time and discussed it. And that will be available for your consumption in the not-too-distant future. Yeah, and maybe a day, day and a half, that kind of a thing. Right now, though, what I'd like to do... Oh, and holy shit, guys, that table read in LA. Yeah, thank you very much to everyone who came out and everyone who read and expressly also to the good folks at CineFamily and Ben's Acker and Blacker from uh the good folks at cine family and ben's

acker and blacker from the thrilling adventure are very funny and lovely guys if you haven't heard their podcast you should we will find a way to release that somehow someday because it was taped and it is it's just too good to not share god that was a fun event busy phillips are the most committed adam Sandler impression. And if that name doesn't mean a lot to you, Freaks and Geeks, the mean one. The one who's always mean to Lindsay. The cool blonde one.

That's her. We had her reading for Adam Sandler. It was such a good time. And we've got another event coming up. This seems like a good time to, I'll just chuck that in quickly. New York City, we're here for you. The 3rd of March is when we're going to be doing our final ever Go around the traps,

and that is at the Bell House. Absolutely. Tickets for that. If you go to facebook.com slash worst idea of all time, there'll be an event pinned to the top there. And more than that, I'm going to piggyback on this announcement, Tim. I'm doing a stand-up show in Montreal this coming Sunday. I don't know what Sunday is

Sunday the somethingth of March okay third four is it after our event? It's the sixth Sunday the sixth of March I'm doing a show at Montreal I will release details on the Worcester Every Old Time Facebook page it's at Lowick the show will be at 8pm it will cost you $5 two local comedians

are also doing it it's going to be a good time but Tim dive into that word document you got cooking over there. What I've got is some of the donations that have come through. Again, thank you so much. If you chuck a few bucks our way, I can't thank you enough. If you buy a T-shirt or whatever, thank you so much. I try to grab the ones where people have added a little note, but my heart is with all of you.

Thank you so much. Crosby Cook gave us some money and said, I recently rented Sex and the City 2 to watch alongside the director's commentary and it just struck me how fucked up it is that I've paid money that supported a movie I hated and I have given nothing to support a podcast I love. Well, there's a surefire way to fix that.

If I've done the math correctly, this should come out to about $55.5 human New Zealand dollars. The $55 should be enough to cover your salmon expenditure from season one. The five cents is because of inflation. You guys are doing a great thing, and I'll be sad to see it end. Thank you for picking up the tab on that salmon. We never paid the supermarket. Didn't you?

Nah. Got those self-checkouts. Bill Bird it. Guy, guy on the run. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Guy, guy on the run. Onwards, Tim. Riyad Movlazad.

Probably fucked that one up. Gave us some money and said, you guys make me laugh at the supermarket, and people look at me like I'm a serial killer. Thanks for the show. Thank you. Our pleasure. For the money.

Brookschild, which is just such a good name. Very American to me. Hard to get past that name. It says, Oi boyos, thanks so much for the podcast. It has brought me endless hours of laughter. When the Ogre Wars begin, I hope you die painlessly. You deserve that. Mucho love, Brooks.

Katie Top has said, Timbo and Guy. Guy. Having finally caught up with all your episodes, I thought chucking a little bit of money your way was the least I could do with the hours of entertainment you provided me. How you both know how truly funny, creative, and brilliant you are. Oh, that was kind.

God almighty, I felt uncomfortable with that amount of kindness. You should. Your fans love you. Time to start season one from the beginning again. Good on you, Katie. Get back in there. I don't know about that. I'm trying to screen some of these other ones.

Ian? It's Ian, but I think it's spelt the Gaelic way. Would you call that an Irish spelling? Is it E-O-I-N? Yeah, that's Ian. Edwards. Hey, guys. love the show. I tuned in in your direction.

I tuned in in your direction by my brother, Rory, which is spelt Gaelic as well, a couple of weeks back and have now started going backwards through the episodes. I'm now on the five hour epic. As a filmmaker, I commend you for your dedication to this noble cause. After listening to the first two TWIOAT episodes,

I tried to sit down and watch the movie when I noticed it would be on terrestrial TV. I could literally only manage 30 seconds. You are stronger than I will ever be. Could you give a shout out to my brother Rory and tell him I love his balls? Consider it done. That's quite interesting.

It sounds like you're sort of mementoing that one. You start with the most recent episode and work backwards it'll be the story of two people going sane through watching sex in the city too i guess you're a good man rory i mean erin you're both good rory's balls are good um i would like to say that a lot of people have sent us a note to listen to the most recent episode of Reply All. It's a podcast. It's a very good podcast, which I haven't quite delved into deeply yet.

But I think it's on Gimlet, which is a very good network that a guy from Planet Money. You know, I don't need to get into the backstory. I haven't listened to it yet. Apparently, it's very close to Brady the Rat King. It's very rat heavy, but factual. And we haven't delved in yet, but we will. We're going to try and carve out some time.

Keep sending all that rat-based news to us as well. It looks like rats are becoming very altruistic. Or not altruistic, because humans are making them do it. But rats aren't all bad. I would like to acknowledge Justin McElroy, who gave us a truckload of money, donation, and bought a t-shirt as well. Huge amount of pennies.

From my brother, my brother, and me. Big old truck filled with copper. If you don't listen to you don't listen to a real piece of work justin i don't know what to do with all this stuff you should um and i'd also just like there are a few other people on this list but i want to skip to sarah vigiano is the last one because her message is clean simple precise and i think just really gets to the essence of the mood. Guy, are you ready for it? Yes. This is our swan song. Sarah says,

just take my money and finish it. Clean shot through the head. You get it. And accordingly, I'm going to put a clean shot through the head of this friend zone. It's been great hanging out with you friends. It's been really fun. And we'll catch you on the next watch of Sex and the City 2,

which is number 51. See you soon. Bye-bye. level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.